CHAPTER I. In which a new home is found, and the status of anthropoid apes is

carefully determined

II. In which the four gentlemen above us obtain their characters, and Primrose Terrace is rudely disturbed

III. In which a visit is paid to a red-haired lady, and certain members of London's foreign population are enumerated

IV. In which I am forbidden to be idle, and therefore find congenial employment

V. In which we find lovers of two kinds, and meet with a poignant invention

VI. In which we meet the first-floor-back, and find that the milk of human kindness still runs

VII. In which Mr. Dabney warms his house with a discussion, and I am glad to get home

VIII. In which an honest couple who never did anyone any harm are seen on the brink of the struggle with prosperity

IX. In which the top-floor-back turns out to be an acquaintance, and schemes are unfolded for the salvation of an effete race

X. In which we find ourselves in the bosom of an English family, and watch a Utopian in love

XI. In which there is trouble in the house of Wiles owing to a husband once again getting his own way

XII. In which the first-floor-front unfolds, and some of the secrets of a remarkable modern invention are laid bare

XIII. In which Mrs. Duckie discusses the duties of life, and Mr. Bemerton introduces me to certain village pessimists

XIV. In which a jovial party joins England's annual Saturnalia, and a new Knight philosophizes on his greatness

XV. In which I am initiated into the mysteries of the ring, and am more bewildered than usual by my countrymen's avoidance of facts

XVI. In which four-legs make much anxiety for two-legs, and Sir Gaston develops occult gifts

XVII. In which an old gambler (retired from business) tells of a triumph, and the younger generation in love comes under review

XVIII. In which Sussex voices are raised in melody, Uncle Jonah gives his memory play, and we meet a Napoleonic Quaker

XIX. In which inadvertently I become a public character and, also inadvertently, give an opportunist an idea

XX. In which a number of craftsmen discuss their practices, and Mr. Lacey defines the things that matter

XXI. In which we watch an impulsive good Samaritan's deeds and hear his self-reproaches

XXII. In which the Wynnes and ourselves make a journey to Italy, and find the Middle Ages

XXIII. In which we luxuriate in a tideless sea and witness a bloodless battle

XXIV. In which an experiment is made in quickening the intelligence of the young, with distressing results

XXV. In which we make the mistake of preferring "rich eyes" to comfort, and taste the questionable pleasures of a minute Republic

XXVI. In which two modern lovers lay their cases before me, and I do nothing for either

XXVII. In which a company of intelligent, and, for the most part, conceited, men meet more than their match

XXVIII. In which we lose a few centuries, and find a living-picture by Sir David Wilkie

XXIX. In which Naomi communicates a tremendous piece of news, and "Placida" fights it out with "Lavender" and loses

XXX. In which we journey to the north by nefarious means, and Naomi and I stumble on a precisely similar feeling

XXXI. In which we meet a Warden and her charges, and hear two or three stories of stormy voyages on life's waters before haven was reached

XXXII. In which I at last become acquainted with the top-floor-front and hear his romantic story

XXXIII. In which I become the very opposite of a thief, yet feel all a thief's sense of guilt

XXXIV. In which I bring together three men who were due to meet, and a novel and beneficial scheme is decided upon

XXXV. In which Lavender Falconer enters this life and meets with general approval

XXXVI. In which Mrs. Duckie employs an annihilating phrase which so rankles that it seems almost absurd to go on at all

XXXVII. In which a trying ceremony goes for nothing, and a father puts down his foot

XXXVIII. In which farewell is said to Primrose Terrace, and the earth finds a new axis

SOME OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS BOOK

ANNIE. An adopted child. BARBARA. An ourang-outang. BEMERTON, Joseph. A second-hand bookseller. CARSTAIRS, John. A recluse. COLE, Miss. An arbiter. DABNEY, Mr. A London editor. DEVON, John. A novelist. DIMMAGE, James. A carpenter. "DIRECTOR, The." A folk-song enthusiast. DRAX, Martha. An inmate of the Pink Almshouses. DUCKIE, John. A waiter. DUCKIE, Martha. His wife. ENGLISHMAN, The. An Italian bathing man. FALCONER, Kent. The narrator of this story. FALCONER, Naomi. His wife. FALCONER, Lavender (Nan). A mite. FARRAR, Algernon. A young motorist of means. FARRAR, Gwendolen. His wife. FREELAND, Nancy. Robert Spanton's _fiancée_ (for a time). FURLEY, Sam. A maker of cinema films. GOLDEN EAGLE, The. An innkeeper. HARBERTON, Edith. Lynn Harberton's wife. HARBERTON, Lynn. A rural dilettante, her husband. HAYES, Eli. } HAYES, Jack. } Ancient Morris dancers. HEATHCOTE, Adolphus. A young man about town. INGLESIDE, Ann. Engaged to Adolphus Heathcote. INGLESIDE, Sir Gaston. A civil servant. LACEY, Nathan. A good-natured man. LEIGH, Starr. A novelist. LOUISA. A Chimpanzee. MITT, Miss Lydia. The Warden of the Pink Almshouses. MUGGERIDGE, James. A pipe and tabor player. MURCHISON, James. See Carstairs. PACKER, Emma. } PACKER, Laura. } Twins and landladies. RUDSON-WAYTE, Mr. A politician. SANKVILLE, Matthew. A novelist. SPANTON, Robert. A Socialist. SPEYDE, William. A novelist. STILL, Selina. An inmate of the Pink Almshouses. SURELY, Jonah. A shepherd. WILES, Mordecai. A keeper at the Zoo. WILES, Susan. His wife. WYNNE, Mrs. Frank. A mother.

LONDON LAVENDER

LONDON LAVENDER