Chapter 6 of 6 · 2207 words · ~11 min read

Part 6

[6] This piece is composed of a mixture of dog-Latin, French, &c. and is utterly untranslateable.

[7] It is said that it was when uttering this word that Molière gave way to the illness from which he had long suffered.

[TN] TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE (from a reader):

The above was a litteral rendition of the text. After this eBook was published in PG we received the following:

Dear sir or madam:

The original translator of the Moliere’s play “The Imaginary Invalid” did not translate the third interlude into English, simply declaring that it was “utterly untranslateable”(sic).

My father (Duane Larrieu, retired linguist) has translated this third Interlude and requested that I submit it to Project Gutenberg on his behalf. His translation of the Third Interlude follows:

THIRD INTERLUDE. [6]

BURLESQUE CEREMONY _representing the Admission of_ MR. GERONTE _to the Degree of Doctor of Medicine_.

_First Entry of the_ BALLET

GENTLEMAN IN CHARGE. Most learned doctors, professors of medicine, who are assembled here; and you other gentlemen, dependable executors of the faculty’s decisions, surgeons and apothecaries and the entire company as well, health, honor and wealth and a good appetite.

Learned confreres, I am unable personally to have sufficient admiration for what a fine invention the medical profession is; what a fine thing it is and a good discovery. such is that blessed medicine, which, by its name alone, a surprising miracle, for so long a time has made so many different sorts of people live a long life. Throughout the entire world we see the great interest present where we are; and that well-to-do and insignificant people are infatuated with us. The whole world, rushing for our remedies, considers us deities, and you see the princes and kings submitting to our orders.

So it is our wisdom, good sense and prudence to work hard to keep us well credited, wanted, and honored; and to be careful not to admit into our learned group anybody except qualified individuals who are fully deserving of occupying such honorable positions.

That is why you are now summoned here and I do believe you will find deserving qualities in the learned man who is present here; and whom I am giving to you to question about whatever you want, and to use your capabilities to examine him in depth.

FIRST DOCTOR Sir, you are in charge. If you and so many doctors and illustrious assistants who are learned and have a baccalaureate, and whom I honor and esteem, grant me permission, I will ask the cause and reason why opium induces sleep.

BACCALAUREATE HOLDER An educated doctor is asking me the cause and reason why opium induces sleep. My answer to that is because there is in it a sleep-inducing power which by its very nature relaxes the senses.

CHORUS A really, really, really good answer. You really deserve to enter into our learned group. A really good answer.

SECOND DOCTOR Sir, you are in charge. Provided it isn’t displeasing which it actually isbn’t kindly allow, along with all the learned doctors, and well-intended assistants, that he explain to me a little, the a priori and evident reason why rhubarb and senna are prescribed to purge both biles from us. If he answers this, he will be very capable.

BACCALAUREATE HOLDER I, who am here providing explanations, have been asked by an educated doctor for an a priori and evident reason why rhubarb and senna are always prescribed for us to purge both biles. My answer to you is that it is because there is in them a purgative power which naturally empties out those two biles.

CHORUS A really, really, really good answer. You really deserve to enter into our learned group.

THIRD DOCTOR From the answers, it seems clearer than sunlight that this brainy baccalaureate holder didn’t spend his life playing hippity-hop nor smoking cigarettes; but let him explain why a heap of bran and a little milk with phlebotomy and purging of the humors are called doctor’s idols by those who are naysayers and also an asses’ bridge. If, first off, our freedom to question is acceptable to the gentleman in charge as well as to the gentlemanly doctors and all the ranks of kind listeners.

BACCALAUREATE HOLDER Mister Chrysologos, that is, he who talks of gold, the doctor, asks me why a little milk and a heap of bran, phlebotomy and purging of humors are called doctor’s idols and asses’ bridge by naysayers. My answer is that prescribing such things doesn’t require a lot of knowledge and out of those four things doctors make louis, pistoles, and fourths of ecus.

CHORUS You answered really, really well. You really deserve to enter into our learned group.

FOURTH DOCTOR With the permission of you, sir, who are in charge, and of the entire faculty, and of the company attending these activities of ours, I will ask you learned baccalaureate holder, what are the remedies to be given both to a man and to a woman suffering from the illness called hydropsy, from bodily issues such as apoplexy, convulsion, and paralysis?

BACCALAUREATE HOLDER Give a clyster, Afterwards purify, Then purge.

CHORUS You answered really, really well. You really deserve to enter into our learned group.

FIFTH DOCTOR If it seems okay to you sir, who are in charge, to the very learned faculty, and to the company that is listening to us, I will ask you, learned baccalaureate holder, to return one day to a house full of illnesses. What are the remedies to come up with for colicosis, febrosis, for maniacs, nephritics, frenetics, melancholics, demoniacs, asthmatics and pulmonics, for catharrosics, tussicolisics, guttosics, lepers and gallosics, for apostemasis, plague and ulcers, for every broken or fractured member?

BACCALAUREATE HOLDER Give a clyster, Afterwards purify, Then purge.