Part 11
We generally work a little before we eat. To-day we might run through the songs for that concert, for instance.
CECILIA
That would suit me perfectly.
MARIE
Oh, I feel _so_ thankful to you, Cecilia!
CECILIA
And when shall we see each other again?
ALBERT
Oh, that reminds me! We have just been talking about the Summer. Amadeus and I mean to go on a walking tour. How would it be if you two were to go somewhere with the children--some place in the Tirol, say--and wait for us there?
MARIE
Oh, that would be fine!
CECILIA
Did you hear that, Amadeus?
AMADEUS (_who has been standing a little way off_)
Certainly. It would be very nice.... You can wait for us in the Tirol.
CECILIA
Could you come and see me to-morrow afternoon, Marie? Then we might settle the matter.
MARIE
Yes, indeed. I am always glad when you can spare me a little of your time.--Until to-morrow, then!
ALBERT
Good-by. (_He and Marie go out_)
AMADEUS (_is walking to and fro_)
CECILIA (_who is sitting on the couch, follows him with her eyes_)
AMADEUS (_after a turn to the window and back, speaking in a peculiarly dry tone_) Well, how did it go? Have you got the finale into shape at last?
CECILIA
Oh, in a manner.
AMADEUS
The day before yesterday it had not yet been brought up to the proper level. I find, for one thing, that they don't let you assert yourself sufficiently. Your voice should be floating above the rest, instead of being submerged in the crowd.
CECILIA
Won't you come to the rehearsal to-morrow--just once more--if you can spare the time?
AMADEUS
Would it please you...?
CECILIA
I always feel more certain of myself when you are within reach. You know that, don't you?
AMADEUS
Yes--I'll come. I'll call off my appointments with Neumann and the Countess.
CECILIA
If it isn't too great a sacrifice....
AMADEUS (_with assumed brusqueness_)
Oh, I can make her come in the afternoon.
CECILIA
But then there will be no time left for your _own_ work. No, better let it be.
AMADEUS
What had we better let be?
CECILIA
Don't come to the rehearsal to-morrow.
AMADEUS
Just as you say, Cecilia. I won't intrude, of course. But a moment ago you said that you felt more certain of yourself when I was within reach. And as far as my work is concerned, I don't think--Albert and I were just talking of it--nothing will come of it until the season is over.
CECILIA
That's what I suspected.
AMADEUS
But during the summer I'll complete my Fourth. I must have something new to conduct this year. And it's only a question of the final passages, for that matter. All the rest is as good as finished--in my mind at least.
CECILIA
It's a long time since you let me hear anything of it.
AMADEUS
It hasn't quite reached the point where it can be played. But, of course, you know the principal themes ... the Allegro ... and then the Intermezzo.... (_He goes to the piano and strikes a few notes_)
CECILIA
So you are going next November?
AMADEUS
Yes, for three months.
CECILIA
And during October I shall be in Berlin.
AMADEUS
Oh ... is there any news in that matter?
CECILIA
Yes, I have practically closed. Reichenbach came to see me at the opera-house. I'm to appear in three parts. As Carmen under all circumstances. The other two are left to my own choice.
AMADEUS
And what do you...?
CECILIA
Tatyana,[3] I suppose. I have heard that they have such a splendid Onyegin.
[3] Tatyana and Onyegin are characters in the opera "Eugène Onyegin," by Tschaikovsky, which is founded on Pushkin's famous poem of the same name.
AMADEUS
Yes, Wedius. I know him. He was in Dresden when I was there.--Carmen, then, and Tatyana, and...?
CECILIA
I am still considering.... Perhaps we might talk it over?
AMADEUS
Of course. (_Pause_)
CECILIA
It's going to be a busy Winter.
AMADEUS
Rather. We won't see much of each other.
CECILIA
We'll have to correspond.
AMADEUS
As we have done before.
CECILIA
We're used to it.
AMADEUS
Yes. (_Pause_) Tell me by the way: do you actually want to assist at that charity concert?
CECILIA
Why not? I couldn't say no to Marie. Have you any objection?
AMADEUS
No--why should I? But we might use the half hour that's left to go over something. (_He goes to the music-stand_) What do you want to sing?
CECILIA
Oh, something of yours, for one thing ...
AMADEUS
Oh, no, no.
CECILIA
Why not?
AMADEUS
There's nothing within yourself that prompts you to sing it anyhow.
CECILIA
Just as you say, Amadeus.--I don't want to intrude either.
AMADEUS (_bending forward and searching among the music_) How would Schumann be--"The Snow-drop?" Or ... "Old Melodies" ... and "Love Betrayed"....
CECILIA
Yes. And perhaps von Wolf's "Concealment," and something by Brahms. "No more to meet you, was my firm decision...."
AMADEUS
Yes, I was just holding it in my hand. (_As if casually, and very dryly_) So you went for a walk with Sigismund after all?
CECILIA
Yes. He sent his regards to you.
AMADEUS (_smiling_)
Did he? (_As he brings the music sheets to the piano_) Why doesn't he come here instead?
CECILIA
One of the things I like about him is that he won't.
AMADEUS
Is that so?--Oh, well!--I'll send him my regards, too. But it's really too bad that he won't come here any more. It was very nice to hear him play his waltzes--those evenings were really very pleasant.... I just happened to mention them to the Countess this afternoon.
CECELIA
Oh, you did?--And I have just seen her picture.
AMADEUS
Her picture?
CECILIA
I went with Sigismund to the Art Gallery.
AMADEUS
Oh.--They tell me it's a great success.
CECILIA
It would be a wonder if it were not. The artist spent six months on it, they say....
AMADEUS
Is that too much for a good picture?
CECELIA
No, but for the Countess.--She will probably sing Philine pretty well, by the way.
AMADEUS
You think so? I fear you are mistaken.... (_Pause_) Well, Cecilia, what were you talking of to-day--you and Sigismund?
CECILIA
What were we talking of...? (_Pause_) It's so hard to recall the words.... (_As she goes slowly to the fireplace_) And they have such a different sound when recalled in that way.
AMADEUS
True indeed. (_Coming nearer to her_) And I don't suppose it's the words that matter.... Well, Cecilia, can it be possible that you have nothing more to tell me?
CECILIA
Nothing _more_...? (_Hesitatingly_) Don't you think, Amadeus, that many things actually change character when you try to put them into words?
AMADEUS
Not for people like us.
CECILIA
That may have been true once. But ... you know as well as I do ... that things are no longer as they used to be.
AMADEUS
Not quite, perhaps. I know. But this shouldn't be a reason for either one of us to refuse telling the other one. Scruples of that kind would be unworthy of ourselves. This is _we_, Cecilia--you and me! So you may tell me fearlessly what you have to tell.
CECILIA (_rising_)
Don't try to encourage me, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
Well...?
CECILIA (_remains silent_)
AMADEUS
Do you love him?
CECILIA
Do I love him...?
AMADEUS (_urgently_)
Cecilia...!
CECILIA
Am I to tell you _more_ than I think is true? Wouldn't that be a lie, too--as good or as bad as any other one?... No, I don't think I love him. It is nothing like it was when I became acquainted with you, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
_That_ time is long past.--And you have probably forgotten what it was like. On the whole, it must be the same thing, I suppose. Only you have grown a little older since then, and you have been living with me for seven years.... No matter how far apart we may have been, you have been living _with me_--and we have a child....
CECILIA
Well, perhaps that's what makes the difference--but there _is_ a difference.
AMADEUS
What really matters is nothing new, however. You feel attracted to him, don't you?
CECILIA (_speaking with genuine feeling and almost tenderly_)
But perhaps there is still something that holds back--that could hold me back, if it only wanted.
AMADEUS (_after a pause, brusquely_)
But it doesn't want to ... it doesn't dare to want it. What sense could there be in it? Perhaps I might prove the stronger to-day--and the next time, perhaps--but sooner or later the day must come nevertheless, when I should suffer defeat.
CECILIA
Why?... It ought not to be necessary!
AMADEUS
And then, even if I remained victorious every time--could that be called happiness for which I must fight repeatedly and tremble all the time? Could that be called happiness in our case, who have known what is so much better?... No, Cecilia, our love should not be permitted to end in mutual distrust. I don't hold you, Cecilia, if you are attracted elsewhere--and you have known all the time that I would never hold you.
CECILIA
Maybe you are right, Amadeus. But is it pride alone that makes you let me slip away so easily?
AMADEUS
Is it love alone that brings you back when almost gone? (_Pause; he goes to the window_)
CECILIA
Why should we spoil these hours with bitterness, Amadeus? After all, we have nothing to reproach each other for. We have promised to be honest with each other, and _my_ word has been kept so far.
AMADEUS
And so has mine. If you want it, I can tell you exactly what I and the Countess talked of to-day, as I have always done. And for _me_, Cecilia, it will even be possible to recall the very words.
CECILIA (_looking long at him_)
I know enough. (_Pause_)
AMADEUS (_walking to and fro until he stops some distance away from her_) And what next?
CECILIA
What next...? Perhaps it's just as well that our vacations are soon to begin. Then we may consider in peace, each one by himself, what is to come next.
AMADEUS
It seems almost as if both of us should have expected this very thing. We have made no common plans for the summer, although we have always done so before.
CECILIA
The best thing for me is probably to go with the boy to some quiet place in the Tirol ... as you and Albert suggested.
AMADEUS
Yes.
CECILIA
And you...?
AMADEUS
I...? I shall make that walking tour with Albert. I want to be scrambling about in the mountains once more.
CECILIA
And finally descend into some beautiful valley--is that what you mean?
AMADEUS
That--might happen.
CECILIA (_dryly_)
But _first_--we should have to bid each other definite good-by, as there is no return from _that_ place.
AMADEUS
Of course, there isn't! No more than from your place.
CECILIA
From mine...?
AMADEUS
Oh, it might happen that you felt inclined to ... change your plans ... and instead of staying with Marie ... prefer the undisturbed ...
CECILIA
I won't change my plans. And you had better not change yours.
AMADEUS
If that be your wish....
CECILIA
It is my wish. (_Pause_)
AMADEUS
Can it be possible that now, all at once, the moment should have come?
CECILIA
What moment?
AMADEUS
Well--the one we used to foresee in our happiest days even--the one we have expected as something almost inevitable.
CECILIA
Yes, it has come. We know now that everything is over.
AMADEUS
Over...?
CECILIA
That's what we have been talking of all the time, I suppose.
AMADEUS
Yes, you are right. At bottom it is better that we put it into plain words at last. Our moods have been rather too precarious lately.
CECILIA
Everything will be improved now.
AMADEUS
Improved...? Why?... Oh, of course ... perhaps you are right. I feel almost as if things had already begun to improve. It's strange, but ... one ... seems to breathe more freely.
CECILIA
Yes, Amadeus, now we are reaping the reward of always having been honest. Think how exhausted most people would be in a moment like this--by all sorts of painful evasions, labored truces, and pitifully sentimental reconciliations. Think of the hostile spirit in which they would be facing each other during their moment of belated candor. We two, Amadeus--we shall at least be able to part as friends. (_Pause_)
AMADEUS
And our boy?
CECILIA
Is he your sole worry?
AMADEUS
No, there are many things. How is it going to be arranged anyhow?
CECILIA
That's what we shall have to discuss carefully during the next few days--before we go away. Until then everything must remain as before. It can perfectly well remain as it has been during the last year. That involves no wrong to anybody. (_Pause_)
AMADEUS (_seats himself at the piano; the ensuing pause is laden with apprehension; then he begins to play the same theme--a Capriccio--which was heard earlier during the scene_)
CECILIA (_who has been approaching the door to the veranda, turns about to listen_)
AMADEUS (_stops abruptly_)
CECILIA
Why don't you go on?
AMADEUS (_laughs quickly, nervously_)
CECILIA
Wasn't that the Intermezzo?
AMADEUS (_nods_)
CECILIA (_still at some distance from him_)
Have you made up your mind what you are going to call it? Is it to be _Capriccio_?
AMADEUS
Perhaps _Capriccio doloroso_. It is peculiar how one often fails to understand one's own ideas to begin with. The hidden sadness of that theme has been revealed to me by you.
CECILIA
Oh, you would have discovered it yourself, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
Maybe. (_Pause_) And whom will you get for the studying of your parts next year?
CECILIA
Oh, I'll always find somebody. Those numbers for the concert--you'll help me with those just the same, won't you? And I hope you'll be kind enough to give me the accompaniment at the concert too.
AMADEUS
That's a foregone conclusion.--But I should really like to know who is to assist you with your studies after this.
CECILIA
Do you regard that as the most important problem to be solved?
AMADEUS
No, of course not. The less so, as I don't quite see why I shouldn't go on helping you as before.
CECILIA (_with a smile_)
Oh, you think...? But then we should have to agree on hours and conditions.
AMADEUS
That was not meant as a joke, Cecilia. Seeing that we are parting in a spirit of perfect understanding, why shouldn't such an arrangement be considered tentatively at least?
CECILIA
Those things will probably settle themselves later on.... That we ... that you play my accompaniment at a concert ... or help me to study a part....
AMADEUS
Why later on?... (_He rises and stands leaning against the piano_) There can be no reasonable ground for changing our musical relationships. I think both of us would suffer equally from doing so. Without overestimating myself, I don't think it likely that you can find a better coach than I am. And as for my compositions, I don't know of anybody who could understand them better--with whom I would rather discuss them than with you.
CECILIA
And yet that's what you will have to come to.
AMADEUS
I can't see it. After all, we have nobody else to consider--at least, I have not.
CECILIA
Nor have I. I shall know how to preserve my freedom.
AMADEUS
Well, then...?!
CECILIA
Nevertheless, Amadeus.... That we must meet and talk is made necessary by our positions, of course.... But even in regard to our work things cannot possibly remain as hitherto. I'm sure you must realize that.
AMADEUS
I can't see it. And--leaving our artistic relations entirely aside--there is much else to be considered--things of more importance. Our boy, Cecilia. Why should the youngster all at once be made fatherless, so to speak?
CECILIA
That's entirely out of the question. We must come to an understanding, of course.
AMADEUS
An understanding, you say. But why make difficulties that could be avoided by a little good-will? The boy is mine as much as yours. Why shouldn't we continue to bring him up together?
CECILIA
You suggest things that simply can't be done.
AMADEUS
I don't feel like you about that.--On the contrary! The more I consider our situation calmly, the more irrational it seems to me that we should part ways like any ordinary divorced couple ... that we should give up the beautiful home we have in common....
CECILIA
Now you are dreaming again, Amadeus!
AMADEUS
We have been such good chums besides. And so we might remain, I think.
CECILIA
Oh, of course, we shall.
AMADEUS
Well, then! The things that bind us together are so compelling, after all, that any new experiences brought by our freedom must seem absolutely unessential in comparison. Don't you realize that as I do? And _we_ shouldn't have to consider what people may say. I think we have the right to place ourselves on a somewhat higher level. In the last instance, we must always belong together, even if a single tie should be severed among the hundreds that unite us. Or are we all of a sudden to forget what we have been to each other--as well as what we may and should be to each other hereafter? One thing remains certain: that no one else will ever understand you as I do, and no one me as you do.... And that's what counts in the end! So why shouldn't we....
CECILIA
No, it's impossible! Not because of the people. They concern me as little as they do you. But for our own sake.
AMADEUS
For our own sake...?
CECILIA
You see, there is one thing you forget: that, beginning with to-day, we shall have _secrets_ to keep from each other. Who knows how many--or how heavy they may prove?... But even the least of them must come between us like a veil.
AMADEUS
Secrets...?
CECILIA
Yes, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
No, Cecilia.
CECILIA
What do you mean?
AMADEUS
That's exactly what must not happen.
CECILIA
But--Amadeus!
AMADEUS
There must never be any secrets between us two. Everything depends on that--you are right to that extent. But why should there be any secrets between us? Remember that after to-day we shall no longer be man and wife, but chums--just chums, who can hide nothing from each other--who must not hide anything. Or is that more than you dare?
CECILIA
More than I dare...? Of course not.
AMADEUS
All right. We'll discuss everything frankly, just as we have been doing--nay, we shall have more things than ever to discuss. Truth becomes now the natural basis of our continued relationship--truth without any reservation whatsoever. And that should prove highly profitable, not only to our mutual relationship, but to each one of us individually. Because ... you don't think, do you, that either one of us could find a better chum than the other one?... Now we shall bring our joys and sorrows to each other. We shall be as good friends as ever, if not better still. And our hands shall be joined, even if chasms open between us. And thus we shall keep all that we have had in common hitherto: our work, our child, our home--all that we must continue to have in common if it is to retain its full value to both of us. And we shall gain many new things for which both of us have longed--things in which I could take no pleasure, by the way, if I had to lose you.
CECILIA (_drops him a curtsey_)
AMADEUS
That's how you feel, too, Cecilia. I am sure of it. We simply cannot live without each other. I certainly cannot live without you.--And how about you?
CECILIA
It's quite likely I should find it a little difficult.
AMADEUS
Then we agree, Cecilia!
CECILIA
You think so...?!
AMADEUS
Cecilia! (_He suddenly draws her closer to himself_)
CECILIA (_with new hope lighting her glance_)
What are you doing?
AMADEUS (_putting his arms about her_)
I now bid good-by to my beloved.
CECILIA
Forever.
AMADEUS
Forever. (_Pressing her hand_) And now I am welcoming my friend.
CECILIA
For all time to come--nothing but your friend.
AMADEUS
For all time...? Of course!
CECILIA (_draws a deep breath_)
AMADEUS
Yes, Cecilia, don't you feel much easier all at once?
CECILIA
The whole thing seems very strange to me--like a dream almost.
AMADEUS
There is nothing strange about it. Nothing could possibly be simpler or more sensible. Life goes right on ... and all is well.... Come on, Cecilia--let us run through those songs.
CECILIA
What songs...?
AMADEUS
Don't you care?
CECILIA
Oh, why not?--With pleasure....
AMADEUS (_seating himself at the piano_)
Really, I can't tell you how happy this makes me! There has practically been no change whatever. The uneasiness alone is gone ... that uneasiness of the last few weeks.... I have not had a very happy time lately. The sky has seemed so black above our house--and not only above _ours_. Now the clouds are vanishing. The whole world has actually grown light again. And I am going to write a symphony--oh, a symphony...!
CECILIA
Everything in due time.... Just now let us have one of those songs at least.... Oh, that one...?
AMADEUS
Don't you want it?
CECILIA
Oh, as it's there already....
AMADEUS
Now, then--I start. (_He strikes the first chord_) Please don't put a lot of sentimentality into the opening words. They should be reserved and ponderous.
CECILIA (_singing_)
"No more to meet you was my firm...."
AMADEUS
Very fine.
CECILIA
O Amadeus!
AMADEUS
What is it?
CECILIA
I am afraid you will become too lenient now.
AMADEUS
Lenient...? You know perfectly well that, as artist considered, you have no rival in my eyes, and will never have one.
CECILIA
Really, Amadeus, you shouldn't be flirting with all your pupils.
AMADEUS
I have the greatest respect for you.--Now let's go in!
CECILIA
"No more to meet...."
AMADEUS
What's the matter?
CECILIA
Nothing. I haven't tried to sing anything like this for a long time. Go right on!
AMADEUS (_begins playing again_)
CECILIA
"No more to meet you was my firm and sworn decision, and yet when evening comes, I...."
CURTAIN
THE SECOND ACT
_The same room as in the previous act. It is an evening in October. The stage is dark. Marie and the chambermaid enter together. The maid turns on the light._
MARIE
Thank you.--But if your mistress is tired, please tell her she mustn't let me disturb her.
CHAMBERMAID
She hasn't arrived yet. She's not expected until this evening.
AMADEUS (_enters from the right, with hat and overcoat on_) Who is it?... Oh, is it you, Marie! Glad to see you. Have you been here long?
MARIE
No, I just got here. I meant to call on Cecilia, but I hear....
AMADEUS
Then you can keep me company waiting for her. (_Handing overcoat and hat to the maid_) Please take these.
CHAMBERMAID (_goes out_)
AMADEUS
I have also just got home. I had to do a lot of errands. I start the day after to-morrow.
MARIE
So soon!--That'll be a short reunion.
AMADEUS
Yes.--Won't you sit down, please? (_Looking at his watch_) Cecilia should be here in an hour.
MARIE
She has had a tremendous success again.
AMADEUS
I should say so! Look here--the telegram I got this morning. (_He takes it from the writing desk and hands it to Marie_) It refers to her final appearance last night.
MARIE
Oh.... Twenty-seven curtain calls...!
AMADEUS
What?... Naw! That flourish belongs to the preceding word. Seven only! Otherwise she wouldn't be coming to-day.
MARIE (_reading again_)
"Have new offer on brilliant terms."
AMADEUS
On _brilliant_ terms!
MARIE
Then I suppose she'll do it at last?
AMADEUS
Do what?
MARIE
Settle down in Berlin for good.
AMADEUS