Chapter 59 of 59 · 4611 words · ~23 min read

CHAPTER XXXIII.

THE WEDDING.

Said my friend:

There's to be a grand wedding, you know, With no end to the fuss and parade, With sixteen fair bridesmaids to stand in a row, With sixteen young groomsmen to help out the show, One to stand by the side of each maid.

Then there's a reception to be very fine, With all sorts of magnificent things, With silver to glitter and mirrors to shine, With tropical fruit and famous old wine, With odorous flowers and music divine, Drawn forth from melodious strings.

In the minds of many girls the wedding means only this public show, the display of elegant toilets, the reception of costly gifts; and the preparation of marriage means too often merely the making of an elegant _trousseau_. People generally do not ask concerning the fitness of the young people to enter on the solemn duties of life--do not ask how well they have been instructed concerning that which is before them; but the questions are all about clothes and gifts and ceremonials. No wonder, then, that the thought of the young woman centers on these things, to the exclusion of nearly all else; indeed, it may be to the detriment of health and the lessening of true happiness. The prospective husband finds his _fiancee_ so absorbed in sewing, shopping and interviews with dressmakers that she has few moments to give to him, and these few occupied more with the thought of gowns and personal adornments than with ideals of wedded happiness.

Perhaps she even excuses herself for lessening the number of his visits on the plea that very soon now she will be all his, and so he is left to spend his last days of bachelorhood in loneliness, and made to feel that raiment is more than love. Worse still, it may be that on the wedding-day he takes to his heart a bride so wearied, so nervously exhausted by the preparations of the _trousseau_ that she is at least temporarily an invalid. I have known more than one bride so worn out by the preparation for her wedding that instead of bringing brightness, joy and beauty into the new life, she brought illness, anxiety and care, and made demands at once upon the patience and service of the husband, who had a right to expect health and vigor and a power to enjoy.

I knew a sensible girl who said months before her marriage, "I am not going to bring to my new life a remnant of health, a shattered nervous system and a tattered temper," and she kept her word. Her sewing was done by degrees, and was all out of the way weeks before the wedding. Shopping and dressmaking were never allowed to interfere with the walks and drives, the chats and moonlight strolls. "We shall not be able to repeat this experience," she wisely said, and so her lover found her ever ready to give him her society and her thought. Her _trousseau_ was not elaborate, her wedding-dress was simple, but in it she shone like a flower of the morning, full of brightness and health and joy.

She was wise in other respects. Only her intimate friends were invited to the wedding ceremony, and to these she said, "I want you to feel that it is you I invite, not your gifts. If your love impels you to give me some simple memento of yourself it will be cherished, but I'd rather have a pincushion made by your own hand, or a little flower painted by yourself, than the most costly purchased picture or most elegant piece of silver that you bought, because you thought it was expected. And if, when you come, you bring no gift but your love and blessing, I shall feel that that is the richest treasure."

There was no display of presents to a vulgar curiosity, no collection of duplicate butter-knives or berry-spoons to be secretly disposed of after the wedding. The gifts were few and not costly, but each told its own story of personal affection, and therefore really had a meaning.

This sensible young woman introduced another innovation into her wedding. She would not listen to the suggestion of a bridal tour. "I do not want to be stared at and commented on by strangers," she said. "Let us go to some quiet spot in the mountains or by the sea, and let us live with each other and with nature." In after years she often said, "I would not miss from my memory the picture of those happy days for anything that any trip on railway trains and sojourns at hotels could give me. We had time and opportunity to learn each other's souls as we could not have done amid 'the madding crowd;' and we have loved each other more truly, I know, because in those early wedded days we sat with Nature and Nature's God in the true companionship which such solitude alone can bring."

I never see the parade of a fashionable wedding that I am not reminded of her and of a sad contrast to her experience, when two young people were married amid a blaze of light, a rain of flowers, and under the curious eyes of hundreds of strangers took their wedding tour, while the papers glowingly described the dress and beauty of the bride, the necktie and the trousers of the groom, and pictures of the two were labeled "The Happy Couple." In two years the bride came home to her parents wrecked in health and broken in heart.

There is a beauty in a golden wedding that truly celebrates a happy union of half a century. But when life is all untried, when perhaps the two young people know nothing of what is before them, it may be are but little acquainted with each other, and have mistaken the thrill of passion for the steady exaltation of love, then it would seem wiser to make the occasion one of most solemn import, free from glitter and show, and full of that deep meaning which makes the heart stand still in reverence for life's deepest mysteries.

O, gallant young groom, it may seem a slight thing To take this young girl as your bride; To place on her finger the plain golden ring, Around her these bright flower-festoons to fling, But have you e'er thought what the future will bring To you in this life so untried?

Have you thought how your temper may often be tried? That you may grow gouty and old, That the fair smiling face of your bonnie young bride May grow pale and haggard, and wrinkled, beside, Or she prove a sloven and scold?

And you, bonnie bride, on this glad wedding day, In the midst of the curious crowd, Do you fancy that life will be always so gay? Can you work, can you wait, do you know how to pray, Can you suffer, and not cry aloud?

Can you watch out the hours by sad beds of pain? Can you bear and forbear and forgive? Can you cheerfully hope e'en when hoping is vain, And when hope is dead, and to die you would fain, Can you still feel it right you should live?

O, touchingly solemn and tender the hour, So full of deep meaning the vow You have uttered. And sorely you need Divine power To guide you and guard you in sunshine and shower, For trouble will come and love's delicate flower Be crushed, you can scarcely tell how.

And yet, dear heart, there is nothing that has such unconquerable vitality as love; but it must be true love, not self-love, not sentimentality, not passion, not any of the spurious emotions that masquerade under the name of love, and which wither with the slightest adverse wind.

Love is not an exotic, growing only in the conservatories of wealth. It is a hardy plant, covering desolate places with verdure, glowing amid the snows of mountain peaks, blossoming by night as well as by day, hiding defects, clinging to ruins, enduring drouth and heat and cold.

I know a woman who says that there should never be marriage where there are unpleasant peculiarities, idiosyncrasies, or even mannerisms; but should we act on that principle, few would marry. Love is sometimes said to be blind in the days of wooing, but wearing magnifying glasses after wedlock. True love is never blind, but he is capable of judging of true relative values, and will count as naught the slight defect when measured by the overwhelming perfection. Who has not seen men devoted to wives who were homely or peculiar, but who were genuinely pure and true?

"I don't care," said one woman, "if my husband is bald and cross-eyed, he has a heart of gold."

True love is not blind, but with a deep, keen insight looks through the encasing garment of human imperfections, and sees within the divine ego, and because it recognizes the true inner self that is worthy, hopeth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things, and never faileth.

THE END.

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"What a Young Girl Ought to Know."

BY MRS. MARY WOOD-ALLEN, M.D.

Condensed Table of Contents

PART I

The origin of life--One plan in all forms of life--How plants grow from the seed--They feed on the soil, grow and mature--How the plant reproduces itself--The flower, the pollen, the pod, the seed--The office of bees and insects in fertilization.

PART II

Fishes and their young--The parent fishes and the baby fishes--The seeds of plants and eggs of fishes, birds and animals--How fishes never know their baby offspring--Warm blooded animals--Lessons from birds--Their nests, eggs and little ones.

PART III

Animals and their young--The place which God has prepared for their young--Beginning their independent life--Human babies the most helpless and dependent of all creatures--The relations of parent and child--The child a part of each parent--Heredity and its lessons.

PART IV

The value of good health--The care of the body--The body a temple to be kept holy--Girls should receive their instruction from their mothers--The body the garment which the soul wears--Effects of thoughts upon life and character--Value of good companions, good books and good influences--What it is to become a woman.

"What a Young Girl Ought to Know"

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"What a Young Wife Ought to Know."

BY MRS. EMMA F.A. DRAKE, M.D.

Condensed Table of Contents

HUSBAND AND HOME

The choice of a husband--One worthy of both love and respect--Real characteristics necessary--Purity vs. "wild oats"--What shall a young wife expect to be to her husband?--His equal, but not his counterpart--His helpmeet Wifehood and motherhood--Should keep pace with his mental growth--Trousseau and wedding presents--The foolish and ruinous display at weddings--Wedding presents and unhappiness--Wise choice of furniture--The best adornments for the home.

THE MARITAL RELATIONS

The marital state should be the most holy of sanctuaries--Its influence upon character--Modesty--Reproduction the primal purpose--Love's highest plane--The right and wrong of marriage--The wrongdoings of good men.

PARENTHOOD

Preparation for motherhood--Motherhood the glory of womanhood--Maternity productive of health--Clothing--Exercise--Baths, etc., etc.--The child the expression of the mother's thoughts--The five stages of prenatal culture.

PREPARATION FOR FATHERHOOD

Questions which test the fitness of young men for marriage--Many young men of startling worth--Effects of bad morals and wayward habits--Tobacco and Alcoholics--Attaining the best--The father reproduced in his children.

ANTENATAL INFANTICIDE

The moral responsibility of parents in heredity--The mother's investment of moulding power--Parents workers together with God--Ailments during expectant motherhood--Maternity a normal state--Development of the foetus--Minuteness of the germ of human life--Changes which take place--Life present the moment conception takes place--The sin of tampering with the work of the Infinite.

THE LITTLE ONE

Baby's wardrobe--The question that comes with fluttering signs of life--Importance of wise choice of material and style of dress--Choice of physician and nurse of real consequence--The birth chamber--Surroundings and after-care of the mother--The care of the baby--The responsibilities and joys of motherhood--The mother the baby's teacher--Common ailments of children and how to treat them--Guarding against vice--The training of children--Body building--Helps for mothers.

"What a Young Wife Ought to Know"

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"What a Woman of Forty-five Ought to Know."

BY MRS. EMMA F.A. DRAKE, M.D.

Condensed Table of Contents

KNOWLEDGE OF CLIMACTERIC NECESSARY

Why women are not prepared to meet the climacteric--The fear that unnerves many--Error of views concerning "Change of Life"--Correct teaching stated--Influence of medical literature--Three periods in a woman's life--Relation of early habits to later aches and ills--The menopause--Conditions which influence the period of the climacteric--The age at-which it usually appears--Effects of heredity--Childless women--Mothers of large families--Effects of different occupations--Excesses.

HERALDS OF CHANGE--DISEASES AND REMEDIES

Mental states during menopause--Change in blood currents--Flushes, chilliness, dizziness, etc.--Nervous symptoms--Disturbed mental and nervous equilibriums--Nature as woman's helper--Troublesome ailments--Mental troubles considered--Suggested help--Cancer--Benefits named--Apprehensions dispelled--How to banish worry--Simplifying daily duty--An eminent physician's prescription--A word to single women--Reluctance of unmarried women to meet the menopause--How to prolong one's youth--Dress during this period--The mother "At Sea"--Guarding against becoming gloomy--Effects of patent medicine advertising--Drug fiends--Lustful indulgence.

WHAT BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD REMEMBER

Slights and inattentions keenly felt by her--Need of patience--A word of private counsel--Value of little attentions--Wife's duty to her husband--Holding husband's affections--Making home attractive--Unselfishness.

AUTO-SUGGESTION AND OTHER SUGGESTIONS

Influence of mind over body--The mind as a curative agent--How to rise out of depression--Mental philosophy and physical betterment--Relation of health to sight--Care of the teeth--The hair--Constipation--Self cure--Choice of foods--Exercise--Physical development--Exercise of mind and soul.

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"Faces Toward the Light"

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Every phase of the Christian life--its joys and sorrows, its temptations and triumphs--is treated in a reverent and deeply spiritual manner that is sure to prove helpful and inspiring to every reader.

SOME CHAPTERS IN THE BOOK

Glory After Gloom. The Dangerous Hour. The Concealed Future. Gleaning for Christ. Hunger and Health. Direction and Destiny. God of the Valleys. Coins and Christians. Reserved Blessings. Comfort in Sorrow. The Better Service. Not Knowing Whither. Good, but Good for Nothing. No Easy Place. The Dead Prayer Office. How God Reveals Himself. Starting Late. Source of Power. Toiling at a Heavy Tow. What He Gave and What He Got. Vacation Lessons. Wheat or Weeds. The Christian's Power. Disclosures in the Cloud. Healing and Living Waters. The Concealed Future. Suspended Animation. The Source of Power. Lessons from the Leaves. Etc.

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FIVE-MINUTE OBJECT SERMONS TO CHILDREN

Through Eye-Gate and Ear-Gate Into the City of Child-Soul

By SYLVANUS STALL, D.D.

A book for preachers, teachers, parents and all interested in the training and culture of children.

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The Social Duty of Our Daughters

_A mother's talk with mothers and their grown daughters._

BY MRS. ADOLPHE HOFFMANN

An affectionate and confidential talk to mothers and their daughters on the responsibility, power and maternal duties of woman. These counsels should do much to dignify and elevate parenthood to the place intended by the Creator.

Before Marriage

_A mother's parting counsel to her son on the eve of his marriage._

BY MRS. ADOLPHE HOFFMANN

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Introduction by SYLVANUS STALL. D.D.

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