Part 4
Orgon. Ah! I'm pleased to see you all assembled. [To Mariane] This contract here should make you very gay; I'm sure you know what I'm about to say. Mariane [kneeling]. In the name of God, who knows how I hurt, And of everything which might move your heart, Forgo, for now, the rights of paternity And release me from my vow of docility. Do not reduce me by some brutal rule To asking God why you've grown so cruel. And this life, alas, that you gave to me-- Do not make it a life of misery. If, contrary to all my sweet hopes of Joy, you forbid me to wed the man I love, Hear me at least--on my knees I implore You not to give me to a man I abhor, And don't push me past the point of despair By using your full force in this affair. Orgon [to himself, sensing himself weakening]. Be firm. This is no time for humanity! Mariane. Your fondness for him doesn't bother me. Indulge it, and if it's not enough to consign Your whole estate to him--then give him mine! I freely consent and will sign on demand, But please, please, do not offer him my hand, And allow me to live in a convent where I May count the sad days till God lets me die. Orgon. Young girls always play such religious pranks When their fathers hobble their lusty flanks! Get up! The harder you have to work to bear it, The greater the virtue and the merit. Let this marriage mortify your senses And quit bothering me with your meek defenses. Dorine. But . . . Orgon. Keep quiet, and stay out of this matter. I completely forbid you to add to the chatter. Cleante. If you will allow me to offer some advice . . . Orgon. Brother, your advice is worth any price: It is thoughtful and I truly respect it, But I hope you don't mind if I reject it. Elmire [to her husband]. What can I think about what you're saying Except that your blindness is quite dismaying! You must be besotted and led astray To refuse to believe what has happened today. Orgon. My dear, I only call 'em as I see 'em. You favor my son, that worthless young bum, And I think that you are afraid to condemn His dirty trick on this most saintly of men. You are, in fact, too calm to be believed; You ought to have seemed a bit more aggrieved. Elmire. When a love-sick man makes a foolish mistake Must we take up arms as if honor's at stake? And should we always respond to small slips With fire in our eyes and abuse on our lips? For myself, I laugh at these signs of lust; It doesn't please me at all to grow nonplussed. I seek wisdom tempered with charity, And I'm not one of those prudes whose asperity Is such that they fight for virtue tooth and nail, And scratch a man's eyes out for being male. Heaven preserve me from that kind of virtue! I am an honest wife, but not a shrew, And I believe that a calm, icy glance Is quite enough to rebuff an advance. Orgon. I know what I know and I won't change my mind. Elmire. I'm again amazed that you could be so blind. But would you keep that incredulity If I made you see that we have spoken truly? Orgon. See? Elmire. Yes. Orgon. Fantasy! Elmire. But if I found a way To make you see it all in light of day? Orgon. Fairy tales! Elmire. What a man! At least reply. I don't ask you to believe me, but I Do wonder what you will say of your good man If I bring you to a place where you can Clearly see and hear these things? What then? Orgon. In that case I would say . . . nothing again, For it cannot be. Elmire. You've been blind too long, And in calling me a liar, you're wrong! So for your pleasure, but with modesty, I'll make you witness my veracity. Orgon. Good. I take you at your word. Now let's see How in the world you will prove this to me. Elmire [to Dorine]. Bid him come to me. Dorine [to Elmire]. He's a crafty one And perhaps he won't easily be undone. Elmire [to Dorine]. No, we're easily duped by our affection, And vanity aids in our misdirection. [Speaking to Cleante and Mariane] Send him down here to me. And you can go.
## SCENE IV
Elmire, Orgon
Elmire. Bring the table here, and then crouch down low. Orgon. Why? Elmire. Hiding you well is to be desired. Orgon. Why under the table? Elmire. Just do what's required! I've made my plans and we'll see how they fare! Get under the table, and when you're down there, Don't let him see you and try not to grunt. Orgon. I really think I'm far too tolerant, But I'll stay through the end of your stratagem. Elmire. You won't, I'm sure, have a thing to condemn. [To her husband, who is now under the table.] Mind you, I'm going to have strange things to say And you must not be shocked in any way. Whatever I may say, you must allow; I only wish to convince you, anyhow. I'm going to use sex, since I'm reduced to it, To strip off the cloak of this hypocrite; I'll stoke up the fires of his insolent heart And give a free field to this base upstart. For your sake and to deepen his disrepute I'm going to pretend to welcome his suit. I'll quit just as soon as you've heard enough. Things needn't go farther than you wish, my love. And you must stop them from becoming bizarre When you think his mad love has gone too far. Spare your wife and don't leave me in his hands Longer than reaching your conviction demands. This is your concern and you are in command. Here he comes. Keep still! Keep down! Understand?
## SCENE V
Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon (under the table)
Tartuffe. You wish to speak with me in here, I'm told. Elmire. Yes. I now have some secrets to unfold, But shut the door before I say a word And look around--we mustn't be overheard. [Tartuffe closes the door and returns.] I don't want another fracas to ensue Like the one that overtook us hitherto. Never before have I been so dismayed! Damis startled me and made me afraid For you. You must have seen that I did my best To disrupt his plan and soothe his unrest. It is true that I was so filled with shame That I never thought of denying his claim, But by the grace of God, I'm nearly sure All is for the best and we're now more secure. The prestige of your name has dispelled the storm, And my husband will never suspect you of harm. Defying those with rumors to foment, He wants us together at every moment. And that is why without blame I can Be alone with you although you're a man, And that allows me to open my heart Willingly to the sweet thoughts you impart. Tartuffe. I find it odd that you have kind words to say; Earlier you treated me in a different way. Elmire. Ah! If you're angry about that rebuff, You know nothing about a woman's love! And how little you know about our intent If you think a weak defense is really meant! At such times our modesty must contend With the tender feelings that triumph in the end. No matter how strongly you make love's claim, In embracing it we always feel some shame. We resist at first, but in our faces It's clear that we'll soon yield to your embraces. Our words and our wishes are often opposed: A refusal may mean we accept what's proposed. No doubt I am making too free a confession And I may be committing an indiscretion, But since my attempt at silence has gone awry, Ask yourself why I sought to pacify Damis, and what made me listen so long And so kindly to your sweet love song? Would I have reacted as you saw me do If the offer of your heart didn't please me too? And what should you be able to conclude From my fervent desire to preclude The marriage that has been announced just now? Isn't it that I'd hate for a wedding vow To come between us, and that I care for you And want nothing at all to split us in two? Tartuffe. There is no pleasure in Heaven above Sweeter than such words from the lips I love; Their honeyed sound flows richly through my senses With the sweetness of the purest essences. The pleasure of pleasing you is my one goal, And my heart finds happiness in that role, But that heart also takes the slight liberty Of daring to doubt this felicity. Perhaps these sweet words are a decorous ruse Designed to disrupt my hymeneal news; And, if I may speak quite freely with you, I won't believe that all you say is true Until I'm assured that you couldn't lie By a few of those favors for which I sigh. Such favors would make me your devotee And a true believer in your fondness for me. Elmire [she coughs to warn her husband]. Do you demand to push on with such great speed, And drain my heart dry by your burning need? I risk my life in proclaiming my love, And for you even that is not enough! Can't you be satisfied with what I say? Must you force me into going all the way? Tartuffe. The less one merits, the more one desires. Mere words will never quench our raging fires. A promised gift is often suspected; We rarely believe it, until we inspect it. I, who so little merit your favors, Doubt the happy outcome of my labors. And I will not believe a thing, my dear, Until you ease my pain to prove you're sincere. Elmire. Good God, your love is too oppressive; It troubles my soul and becomes obsessive! What a crazy power it has on the heart! With what fierce passion it tears me apart! What! Is there no way to stave off your desire? Won't you give me a moment to respire? Do you think it is fair to be so firm, To demand everything and watch me squirm, To take what you want, pushing and pressing, And abusing my weakness in acquiescing? Tartuffe. If you look on me with a kindly heart, Then prove how you feel by playing your part. Elmire. But how can I give you the things you seek Without offending that God of whom you speak? Tartuffe. If it's only God that opposes my desire, I'll think up a way to make him conspire, And that need not restrain your heart, my dear. Elmire. But the decrees of God scare me to tears. Tartuffe. I can dispel your foolish fears, madame, For I know the art of quashing each qualm. Though God forbids certain gratifications, With him one can reach one's accommodations. It is a science to stretch out the strings Of conscience in the service of diverse things And to rectify an evil action With the purity of our intention. Regarding these secrets, I shall instruct you; You need only allow me to conduct you. Satisfy my desire and have no fear; I'll assume the sin and leave your soul clear. [Elmire coughs more loudly.] That's quite a cough, madame. Elmire. Yes, it's a torment. Tartuffe [offering Elmire a piece of candy]. Would it help to have a licorice or mint? Elmire. It's an obstinate illness, and I see That all the mints in the world won't help me Tartuffe. It's certainly troublesome. Elmire. That's for sure! Tartuffe. Your scruples at least are easy to cure: You can be sure that I will keep things quiet-- A deed is evil only if men spy it. The noise of scandal is the source of offense; There is no sin if one sins in silence. Elmire [after having coughed and knocked on the table]. At last I see I'm forced to go astray, And I must consent to let you have your way, And that I cannot hope that short of the deed You will be content and willing to concede. It is very hard to be forced to do it, And in spite of myself to stoop down to it; But since you persist in making me obey, Since you refuse to believe what I say, And since you demand more convincing proof, I'll have to give in and quit acting aloof. If this action causes anyone grief, The blame be on him who refused all relief. The fault most certainly is none of mine. Tartuffe. Yes, madame, I agree and that is fine . . . Elmire. Peek out of the door and see, I beg you, If my spouse is spying on our rendezvous. Tartuffe. Why do you care what he sees or where he goes? He's a man who loves to be led by the nose. Our trysts are something he's proud of achieving, And he'd watch us go to it without believing. Elmire. No matter. Please, go have a look outside; I'd hate to think he's found some place to hide.
## SCENE VI
Orgon, Elmire
Orgon [coming out from under the table]. There, I swear, is an abominable man! I can't get over it. What is his plan? Elmire. How now? Come out so soon? Were you having fun? Get back down there. We've only just begun. Wait till the end to be completely sure, And don't put your faith in mere conjecture. Orgon. No man more evil has been spawned in Hell. Elmire. Dear Lord! Don't believe the lies people tell. Be wholly convinced before you concede: Cautious men shun the slips that come with speed. [She pushes her husband behind her.]
## SCENE VII
Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon
Tartuffe [without seeing Orgon]. All things conspire, madame, for my contentment: I've closely examined the whole apartment; No one is around, and my heart's delight. . . [Just as Tartuffe comes forward with open arms to embrace Elmire, she steps back and Tartuffe sees Orgon.] Orgon [stopping him]. Hold on! Your desires are too quick to ignite, And you mustn't let passion be overdone. Oh! Man of blessings, you wished to give me one! How temptation has taken over your life! You'd marry my daughter, and covet my wife! I've doubted your word for quite a long while, And I've always believed you'd change your style; But this is enough to give me my proof: I am fed up and want no more, Tartuffe. Elmire [to Tartuffe]. It was against my will to act this way, But I was forced into the part I play. Tartuffe [to Orgon]. What? You think . . . Orgon. Come, please, let's have no to-do. Get out of my home without more ado. Tartuffe. My intent . . . Orgon. This is no time for sly repartee; You must leave my house immediately. Tartuffe. You must leave, you who speak as the master: The house is mine, and you'd better learn fast or I will show you that it's senseless to pick A fight with me using this cowardly trick, That it will get you nowhere to insult me, And that I will punish your falsity, Avenge God's wounds, and make you grieve For talking here about forcing me to leave.
## SCENE VIII
Elmire, Orgon
Elmire. What is he saying and what is he after? Orgon. I'm ashamed to say this is no time for laughter. Elmire. Why? Orgon. I see my error by what he said; I gave him my lands. Something's wrong with my head! Elmire. You gave him . . . Orgon. Yes and they can't be restored, But there's something else that troubles me more. Elmire. What is that? Orgon. I'll tell you soon, but first there's A certain box I want to find upstairs.
## ACT V
## SCENE I
Orgon, Cleante
Cleante. Where are you rushing? Orgon. Who knows? Cleante. It might make sense To begin by having a conference About everything that has happened lately. Orgon. That box of papers troubles me greatly; More than all the rest, it's cause for distress. Cleante. Why are those papers important to possess? Orgon. My unfortunate friend Argus, when he Put them into my hands, swore me to secrecy. He chose to rely on me as he fled, And these papers, according to what he said, Are crucial to both his life and his wealth. Cleante. Then why didn't you keep them to yourself? Orgon. It was a matter of conscience, you see, So I consulted Tartuffe in secrecy, And his arguments came to persuade me That he should keep the box for security, So I could deny having it on hand. And thus I'd have a subterfuge on demand With which my conscience might muddle through In swearing to things that I knew weren't true. Cleante. You're in trouble, judging by appearances; Both the deed of gift and these confidences Are, to tell you my thoughts quite honestly, Measures that you took very thoughtlessly. They might put you in jail with such evidence, And since that man has it, it makes no sense To drive him away through your imprudence, You need to regain his full confidence. Orgon. With what a fair appearance and touching zeal He hides a wicked soul and a heart of steel! And I, who received him begging and broke . . . That's it, I renounce all such pious folk. Henceforth, I will hold them as wholly evil And do my best to send them to the devil. Cleante. It's just like you to get carried away! You can never stick to the middle way. To reason rightly is too much bother; You always rush from one excess to another. You can see your error and now you know That by a false zeal you were brought low. But to redeem yourself does logic demand That you embrace an error that's even more grand? And must you confuse the heart of a shill With the hearts of all the men of good will? Because a rascal had the luck or grace To dupe you with his austere and shining face, Must you believe everyone acts that way And no true church-man can be found today? Leave to libertines these foolish deductions. Seek true virtue, not a false deconstruction. Never rush into hasty admiration, And strive instead for moderation. If possible, don't admire false pretense, But also don't give true zeal cause for offense, And if you must fall to one extreme, Err in being too free with your esteem.
## SCENE II
Damis, Orgon, Cleante
Damis. Father, is it true that this cad threatens you, That he has forgotten the gifts that bound you two, And that his shameful pride, maddeningly, Has repaid your kindness with tyranny? Orgon. Yes, son; he's brought me to the verge of tears. Damis. Leave him to me. I'll cut off his ears. You must not flinch before his insolence For I'll soon restore your independence, And, to end the matter, I'll slice him like toast. Cleante. That's exactly like a bratty boy's boast. Please make your angry words more moderate. We live during a time and in a state Where violent acts are clearly unlawful.
## SCENE III
Madame Pernelle, Mariane, Elmire, Dorine, Damis, Orgon, Cleante
Madame Pernelle. What's happening? The tales I'm told are awful. Orgon. Novel things have been happening to me, And for all my kindness, this is my fee. I lift the man out of his misery; Like a brother, I take him home with me; Each day I treat him with greater largesse; I give him my daughter and all I possess; And at the same time the lying low-life Looks for the best way to seduce my wife, And, not fully content with what he's achieved, He threatens me with the gifts he's received, And he wishes to use, in ruining me, Those profits he gained from my foolish bounty To drive me from the home that I gave to him And reduce me to the state that he was in. Dorine. Poor man! Madame Pernelle. Son, I don't believe he'd allow Himself to take part in actions so foul. Orgon. How's that? Madame Pernelle. People always resent holy men. Orgon. Mother, what were you trying to say just then? Madame Pernelle. That in your home one sees the strangest things; Among them is the hate that envy brings. Orgon. How is it hate when I've told you the truth? Madame Pernelle. I warned you often when you were a youth: In this world virtue is oppressed forever; The envious may die, but envy never. Orgon. But what does this have to do with today? Madame Pernelle. People are telling you lies and hearsay. Orgon. I've already said that I myself saw it. Madame Pernelle. The malice of gossips is infinite. Orgon. You'll make me damn myself, Mother. I tell you I saw with my eyes just what he would do. Madame Pernelle. Some tongues always have some poison to spit, And nothing on earth is safe against it. Orgon. I do not know what these words of yours mean. I've seen it, I say, seen, with these eyes seen-- Do you know the word, seen? Must I shout it In your ears a hundred times and still you doubt it? Madame Pernelle. Dear Lord! Appearances may be deceiving: You shouldn't judge based on what you're perceiving. Orgon. I'll go mad! Madame Pernelle. People are prone to suspicion; Misjudgment is part of the human condition. Orgon. So I must interpret charitably His desire to cuckold me? Madame Pernelle. Don't you see That to accuse a man you need just cause, And until you're quite sure, you ought to pause. Orgon. To be more certain, what would you advise? Should I have waited until before my eyes He had . . . You'll make me say something quite lewd. Madame Pernelle. I'm sure that a holy zeal has imbued His soul, and I can't begin to believe That he would be willing to cheat or deceive. Orgon. Leave me . . . I'm now so angry that if you Were not my mother, I'm not sure what I'd do. Dorine [to Orgon]. This is fair payment, sir, for what we received. You wouldn't believe us; now you're not believed. Cleante. We are wasting time on foolish pleasures That would be better spent in active measures. We should not ignore this swindler's threats. Damis. What! Does his boldness have no boundaries yet? Elmire. For myself, I don't believe it's possible; His ingratitude would be too visible. Cleante [to Orgon]. Don't put your faith in that. He will find ways To gild with reason all the things he says; And with less than this the people in power Have forced their foes to cringe and cower. I tell you again: well-armed as they are, You should never have pushed him quite so far. Orgon. True, but what could I do? Facing that bastard, I felt resentment that I never mastered. Cleante. I deeply desire to arrange between you Some shadow of peace, however untrue. Elmire. If I had known that he possessed such arms, I would never have set off these alarms, And my . . . Orgon [to Dorine, seeing Monsieur Loyal enter]. What does this man want? Go and see. I don't wish to have anyone meet with me!
## SCENE IV