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CHAPTER XLIX

I FLUSTER THE GREAT JUPITER OF MY LITTLE WORLD.

The successful issue of this little enterprise gave me great satisfaction. There was, of course, nothing in it for me, nor did I want anything, but it furnished me with an excellent standpoint from which to address the Home Secretary should the occasion ever arise.

The occasion did arise some time after, and I utilized it in this way: A friend of mine had come over from America to see me and to try if it were not possible to obtain some reduction in the sentence. My postman warder was away at the moment, so letter-carrier facilities were cut off. I wanted very much indeed to communicate with my friend, and applied to the Home Secretary explaining the position and asking him to let me write two letters immediately. At the end of eight weeks an answer came back that the Home Secretary had carefully considered the application and could find no sufficient grounds for advising Her Majesty to grant the prayer thereof. The next day I obtained a petition sheet from the governor and wrote the following petition:

"To the Right Hon. Sir William V. Harcourt, Secretary of State for the Home Department:

"The petition of, etc., humbly showeth: That two months ago I petitioned the Home Secretary for permission to write two letters, explaining the urgency of the occasion and pointing out that the request was by no means unusual. Yesterday the answer arrived telling me, with as much truth, I have no doubt, as kindness, the anxiety with which the right honorable gentleman has been for eight weeks considering the petition.

"I hasten to express to the Home Secretary the regret I cannot but feel at the thought of causing him so much concern, which I sincerely trust has had no prejudicial effect upon his health. I regret this the more as there was really no necessity for requiring eight whole weeks of his time to the inevitable great neglect of the public business, for no man who owns or who is known to be able to get a half sovereign ever has the slightest difficulty in sending out as many clandestine letters as he chooses. This, of course, is an infraction of the rules, and any reasonable man would rather get along in a friendly spirit with the prison authorities than be at war with them, but when trifling favors which it requires but to stretch out the hand to take are refused, rules, prison authorities and the Home Secretary himself are contemptuously set aside and the forbidden favor taken.

"I trust that this knowledge will save the Home Secretary any repetition of the anxiety he has suffered on this occasion, but while regretting my want of success in petitions for myself I desire to thank the right honorable gentleman for the kind attention he pays to my petitions for others.

"The Home Secretary will perhaps remember his merciful consideration of the case of Mr. Frederick Barton, whom he released some short time ago, but it will perhaps be news to him to hear that it was I who invented Mr. Barton's fortune and wrote the petition which furnished the grounds for advising Her Most Gracious Majesty to extend her royal clemency to the deserving young man. The result of my petition by no means surprised me, for I was always confident that an English gentleman could never be guilty of the solecism against English customs implied by keeping in prison a young gentleman who could perform so meritorious an act as to fall heir to many bags of gold and sixteen thousand acres of cotton land in India.

"Mr. Barton had previously petitioned for mercy pointing out that he was but 17 years old at the time of his arrest, and asking that his extreme youth might plead for him. This petition the Home Secretary treated with very proper contempt, but it was really delightful to contrast that contempt with the respectful and instant attention shown to the petition of the young heir.

"I have a difficulty in expressing the comfort with which I saw an English Home Secretary, with all the power of the Empire in his hands to protect him against imposition, releasing a criminal after reading a sheet of foolscap covered with lies, which had been left at the Home Office by a released convict within half an hour after passing through the gates of Millbank. It is but the merest justice, however, to add that poor Mr. Smith, the presenter of the petition, was as badly humbugged as the Home Secretary himself. The glitter of gold was flashed before his eyes as it was before the eyes of Sir William Vernon Harcourt, and with equal effect.

"To me this effect was certain, as not the slightest doubt existed in my mind that the moment it became a question of great sums of money all distinctions would vanish and pickpocket and Home Secretary would scramble on to the same foothold.

"The result, it is unnecessary to add, perfectly justified me. As I watched the lucky Frederick set out to return to the stable he came from it occurred to me that had he understood German, which he did not, nor English either, for that matter, he might have whispered joyfully to himself, in the words of another dealer in ways that are dark and tricks which are vain:

"'Es ist gar hubsch von einem grossen Herrn, So menschlich mit dem Teufel selbst zu sprechen.'

"Doubtless, however, the Home Secretary will feel, as I do myself, that he acted in this matter in accordance with the commonest dictates of duty, and I beg to assure him that, having every facility for sending out as many letters as I please, I shall never again cause him weeks of anxious consideration. Respectfully submitted,

"AUSTIN BIDWELL."

Whatever Sir William Vernon Harcourt may have thought about the petition, he said nothing, but I dare say he did not feel flattered. It required no small daring to send it, but as I knew I had nothing to hope from him I could look with perfect equanimity upon any consequences likely to follow.

The governor of the prison did not dare to violate the regulations by refusing to send my petition, written as it was on an official form and duly entered on the books of the establishment, but he sent for me in hot haste. Assuming a threatening air, he demanded how I dared to play such monkey tricks. Officially the governor was a hot member and enforced an iron discipline both with wardens and the men, but personally he was not a bad fellow, so I merely laughed and asked him if he was a critic and reviser of petitions; therefore, a local Home Secretary. He saw I was not to be intimidated, and almost begged of me not to do so any more. As he was a pretty good fellow, and I had no wish to cause him any embarrassment, I readily promised, provided I was permitted now and then to write a special letter. This permission he intimated would not be withheld, and there, so far as the governor was concerned, the incident ended. But so unheard-of a document emanating from a prisoner created a sensation among the officers, who all came to know of the matter, and added several degrees to whatever respect they were inclined to have for me.

As there is no attempt at humor in this book, and since I am on the subject of petitions, I will give here a copy of one sent by a fellow prisoner who was somewhat of a character and whose name was Niblo Clark.

To some of the prisoners the art of reading and writing is an all but insoluble mystery. Every man is allowed a small slate, and many of the prisoners spend an incredible amount of painful toil and mental wrestling in preparing a petition, which, by the way, never does any good. Poor Niblo for a whole year, through all the Summer's warmth and Winter's frost, spent his spare hours producing this petition, and I think my reader will agree with me that it is a masterpiece of its kind.

PETITION.

CONVICTED. CRIME. SENTENCE. REMARKS. When. Where. 1880. Old Bailey, Burglary. 15 Years. In Hospital. London. Troublesome.

To the Right Honorable Henry Mathews, Her Majesty's Principal Secretary of State for the Home Department:

The Petition of Niblo Clark Humbly Sheweth--

The Right Honorable Secretary the great benefit your humble petitioner would derive by a speedy removal from this damp and foggy inhospitable Climate to a milder one; the atmostphere here his thoroughly prejudicial to your petitioners health and causes me to be a great Sufferer i am Suffering from asthma accompanied with bad attacks of Chronic bronchitis and have been now 3 long years Confined to a bed of Sickness in a Sad and pitable Condition and upon those Clear grounds and physical proofs your petitioner humbly prays that it may please the Right Honorable Secretary to order my removal to a warmer and milder Climate necessity also compels me to complain of repeated acts of injustice and Cruely committed again me, and which in some respects Might Justly undergo the imputation of ferocity there are numbers and frivolous and false charges conspired against me and every time i am discharged from here the Governor takes them Seperate one each and trys to murder me: i have been No less then Six weeks at one time on bread and Water accompanied with a little penal Class and all the officers are incouraged to practise all kinds of barbarious maltreatment against me and other sick men--theres is one officer here place here for the express purpose of tantelizing me and other his Name is Warder Newcombe this officer sir has barbariously struck and assaulted patients on there Sick bed and Several has complained of it to the Governor--But i am Sorry to say its greatly fostered and incouraged especially upon me it is quite useless to complain of anything to the Governor.

Right Honourable Sir i humbly beg that you will listen to my woe for what i Suffer in Chatham prison the one half you do not Know From repeated attacks of this frightful disease i am getting worse each day So i humbly trust you will have me removed without the least delay

In making my request in poetry Sir i hope you wont think i am Joking for the greatest favour you can bestowe upon me is to Send me back to Woking For in this damp and foggy Climate its impossible to ever get better So i humbly trust in addition to this you will grant me a Special letter

Another little case i wish to State if you Sir will Kindly listen has it would Cause a Vast amount of talk all round and about the prison I mean if Niblo Clark Should be sent upon some public Works it would cause more talk then the late dispute between the russians and the turks

in foggy wheather with my disease it would be impossible to larst one hour and if you doubt the accuracy of what i say i refere to doctor Power or any other naval doctor or one from the army garrison they one and all would say the Same and likewise Doctor Harrison

Since my reception in this here prison i have been a most unfortunate man and i will tell you the why and wherefore as well as i possibly Can for every time i been in this hospital its the whole truth what i Say for my medical treatment i assure Sir i have dearly had to pay

A regular marked man i have been for them all its well known to Captain Harris for the list of reports against me would reach from this place to paris So i humbly beg Right Honourable Sir you will grant this humble petition for i am sorry to State i have nothing to pay having lost both health and remission

Such Cruel injustice to poor Sick men is far from being just and right but to report Sick patients in hospital is the officers Chief delight But perhaps kind Sir you might imagine that they only do this to a dodger But its done to all--Austin Bidwell as well and likewise to poor Sir Roger (Tichborne).

like Savage lions in this infirmary the Officers about are walking to Catch and report a dying poor man for the frivolous Charge of talking and when we go out from hospital our poor bodies they try to Slaughter by taking these reports one at the time and Killing us on bread and water

I am suffering a Chest and throat disease a frightful Chronic disorder and to go out from hospital is attempting Suicide to get heaps of bread and Water for it is such cruel treatment made me as i am and brought me to the Verge of the grave So in conclusion Right Honourable Sir a removal i humbly Crave

if this petition should not be sent prisoners abstain from further writting who will explain his case more Clearly to the Visiting director and i wish to have this petition Submitted to the director by your truly humble servant Niblo Clark.