Part 4
I am heartily glad you are going to be married, and congratulate you upon the wisdom of your choice. You have won a noble as well as a beautiful woman, and one whose love will make you a happy man to your life's end. May God grant that trouble may not come near you, but should it be your lot, you will have a wife to whom you can look with confidence for comfort, and whose good sense and devotion to you will be your sure and unfailing support.
That you may both be very happy, and that your happiness may increase with your years, is the prayer of
Your Friend, FRANK HOWARD.
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[Illustration: Declaration of Affection]
Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust those to whom it is addressed, as well as to degrade the writers, and to create suspicion as to their sincerity. The sentiments should spring from the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and delicately expressed, will never be read without exciting sympathy or emotion in all hearts not absolutely deadened by insensibility.
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[Illustration]
_FORMS OF LOVE LETTERS._
_12.--An Ardent Declaration._.
Naperville, Ill., June 10th, 1894.
My Dearest Laura:
I can no longer restrain myself from writing to you, dearest and best of girls, what I have often been on the point of saying to you. I love you so much that I cannot find words in which to express my feelings. I have loved you from the very first day we met, and always shall. Do you blame me because I write so freely? I should be unworthy of you if I did not tell you the whole truth. Oh, Laura, can you love me in return? I am sure I shall not be able to bear it if your answer is unfavorable. I will study your every wish if you will give me the right to do so. May I hope? Send just one kind word to your sincere friend,
HARRY SMITH.
_13.--A Lover's Good-bye Before Starting on a Journey._
Pearl St., New York, March 11th, 1894.
My Dearest Nellie: I am off to-morrow, and yet not altogether, for I leave my heart behind in your gentle keeping. You need not place a guard over it, however, for it is as impossible that it should stay away, as for a bit of steel {45} to rush from a magnet. The simile is eminently correct, for you, my dear girl, are a magnet, and my heart is as true to you as steel. I shall make my absence as brief as possible. Not a day, not an hour, not a minute, shall I waste either in going or returning. Oh, this business; but I won't complain, for we must have something for our hive besides honey--something that rhymes with it--and that we must have it, I must bestir myself. You will find me a faithful correspondent. Like the spider, I shall drop a line by (almost) every post; and mind, you must give me letter for letter. I can't give you credit. Your returns must be prompt and punctual.
Passionately yours, LEWIS SHUMAN.
To Miss Nellie Carter, No. ---- Fifth Avenue, New York.
_14.--From an Absent Lover._
Chicago, Ill., Sept. 10, 1894.
My Dearest Kate: This sheet of paper, though I should cover it with loving words, could never tell you truly how I long to see you again. Time does not run on with me now at the same pace as with other people; the hours seem days, the days weeks, while I am absent from you, and I have no faith in the accuracy of clocks and almanacs. Ah! if there were truth in clairvoyance, wouldn't I be with you at this moment! I wonder if you are as impatient to see me as I am to fly to you? Sometimes it seems as if I must leave business and everything else to the Fates, and take the first train to Dawson. However, the hours do move, though they don't appear to, and in a few more weeks we shall meet again. Let me hear from you as frequently as possible in the meantime. Tell me of your health, your amusements and your affections.
Remember that every word you write will be a comfort to me.
Unchangeably yours, WILLIAM MILLER.
To Miss Kate Martin, Dawson, N. D.
_15.--A Declaration of Love at First Sight_.
Waterford, Maine, May 8th, 1894.
Dear Miss Searles:
Although I have been in your society but once, the impression you have made upon me is so deep and powerful that I cannot forbear writing to you, in defiance of all rules of etiquette. Affection is sometimes of slow growth: {46} but sometimes it springs up in a moment. In half an hour after I was introduced to you my heart was no longer my own. I have not the assurance to suppose that I have been fortunate enough to create any interest in yours; but will you allow me to cultivate your acquaintance in the hope of being able to win your regard in the course of time? Petitioning for a few lines in reply,
I remain, dear Miss Searles, Yours devotedly, E. C. NICKS.
Miss E. Searles, Waterford, Maine.
_16.--Proposing Marriage._
Wednesday, October 20th, 1894.
Dearest Etta:
The delightful hours I have passed in your society have left an impression on my mind that is altogether indelible, and cannot be effaced even by time itself. The frequent opportunities I have possessed, of observing the thousand acts of amiability and kindness which mark the daily tenor of your life, have ripened my feelings of affectionate regard into a passion at once ardent and sincere, until I have at length associated my hopes of future happiness with the idea of you as a life partner, in them. Believe me, dearest Etta, this is no puerile fancy, but the matured results of a long and warmly cherished admiration of your many charms of person and mind. It is love--pure, devoted love, and I feel confident that your knowledge of my character will lead you to ascribe my motives to their true source.
May I then implore you to consult your own heart, and should this avowal of my fervent and honorable passion for you be crowned with your acceptance and approval, to grant me permission to refer the matter to your parents. Anxiously awaiting your answer,
I am, dearest Etta, Your sincere and faithful lover, GEO. COURTRIGHT.
To Miss Etta Jay, Malden, Ill.
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_17.--From a Gentleman to a Widow._
Philadelphia, May 10th, 1894.
My Dear Mrs. Freeman:
I am sure you are too clear-sighted not to have observed the profound impression which your amiable qualities, intelligence and personal attractions have made upon my heart, and as you have not repelled my attentions nor manifested displeasure when I ventured to hint at the deep interest I felt in your welfare and happiness, I cannot help hoping that you will receive an explicit expression of my attachments, kindly and favorably. I wish it were in my power to clothe the feelings I entertain for you in such words as should make my pleadings irresistible; but, after all, what could I say, more than you are very dear to me, and that the most earnest desire of my soul is to have the privilege of calling you my wife? Do you, can you love me? You will not, I am certain, keep me in suspense, for you are too good and kind to trifle for a moment with sincerity like mine. Awaiting your answer,
I remain with respectful affection, Ever yours, HENRY MURRAY.
Mrs. Julia Freeman, Philadelphia.
_18.--From a Lady to an Inconstant Lover._
Dear Harry:
It is with great reluctance that I enter upon a subject which has given me great pain, and upon which silence has become impossible if I would preserve my self-respect. You cannot but be aware that I have just reason for saying that you have much displeased me. You have apparently forgotten what is due to me, circumstanced as we are, thus far at least. You cannot suppose that I can tamely see you disregard my feelings, by conduct toward other ladies from which I should naturally have the right to expect you to abstain. I am not so vulgar a person as to be jealous. When there is cause to infer changed feelings, or unfaithfulness to promises of constancy, jealousy is not the remedy. What the remedy is I need not say--we both of us have it in our hands. I am sure you will agree with me that we must come to some understanding by which the future shall be governed. Neither you nor I can bear a divided allegiance. Believe me that I write more in sorrow than in anger. You have made me very unhappy, and perhaps thoughtlessly. But it will take much to reassure me of your unaltered regard.
Yours truly, EMMA.
* * * * *
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[Illustration: MODESTY. ACT NATURAL AND SPEAK WELL OF ALL PEOPLE.]
* * * * *
{49}
Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at all Times and at all Places.
[Illustration: THE HUMAN FACE, LIKE A FLOWER, SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.]
1. It takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but politeness prepares the way. Indeed, as Montaigne says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight. Urbanity is half of affability, and affability is a charm worth possessing.
2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs the Christian. It is not virtue, but virtue inspires it. There are circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to pass under the little yoke of courtesy, but it is a passport to a greater soul standard.
3. Matthew Arnold says, "Conduct is three-fourths of character," and Christian benignity draws the line for conduct. A high sense of rectitude, a lowly soul, with a pure and kind {50} heart are elements of nobility which will work out in the life of a human being at home--everywhere. "Private refinement makes public gentility."
4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resentment. Remember that if you permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you are ruined.
5. Cultivate a happy temper; banish the blues; a cheerful saguine spirit begets cheer and hope.
6. Be trustworthy and be trustful.
7. Do not place a light estimate upon the arts of good reading and good expression; they will yield perpetual interest.
8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local occurrences, but abhor gossip, and above all scandal.
9. Banish a self-conscience spirit--the source of much awkwardness--with a constant aim to make others happy. Remember that it is incumbent upon gentlemen and ladies alike to be neat in habits.
10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking. Head erect--not too rigid--chin in, shoulders back. Permit no unnecessary motion about the thighs. Do not lean over to one side in walking, standing or sitting; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it is deforming and therefore unhealthful.
11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs.
12. If the hands are allowed to swing in walking, the arc should be limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully, if they almost touch the clothing.
13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost say, forget the hands except to keep them clean, including the nails, cordial and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the other. Study repose of attitude here as well as in the rest of the body.
14. Gestures are for emphasis in public speaking; do not point elsewhere, as a rule.
15. Greet your acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and smile, as you speak.
16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Never under any circumstances wink at another or communicate by furtive looks.
17. Should you chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear in mind your own self-respect, as well as the inexorable laws {51} of society, and bow politely when you meet her. Reflect that you do not stand before all woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the bitterness of flirtation. No lady or gentleman will flirt. Remember ever that painful prediscovery is better than later disappointment. Let such experience spur you to higher exertion.
18. Discretion should be exercised in introducing persons. Of two gentlemen who are introduced, if one is superior in rank or age, he is the one to whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals, if one be a stranger in the place, his name should be mentioned first.
19. In general the simpler the introduction the better.
20. Before introducing a gentleman to a lady, remember that she is entitled to hold you responsible for the acquaintance. The lady is the one to whom the gentleman is presented, which may be done thus: "Miss A, permit me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. B."; or, "Miss A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If mutual and near friends of yours, say simply, "Miss A., Mr. B."
21. Receive the introduction with a slight bow and the acknowledgment, "Miss A., I am happy to make your acquaintance"; or, "Mr. B., I am pleased to meet you." There is no reason why such stereotyped expressions should always be used, but something similar is expected. Do not extend the hand usually.
22. A true lady will avoid familiarity in her deportment towards gentlemen. A young lady should not permit her gentlemen friends to address her by her home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title Miss and Mr. respectively.
23. Ladies should be frank and cordial towards their lady friends, but never gushing.
24. Should you meet a friend twice or oftener, at short intervals, it is polite to bow slightly each time after the first.
25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight acquaintance will make a medium bow--neither too decided nor too slight or stiff.
26. For a gentleman to take a young lady's arm, is to intimate that she is feeble, and young ladies resent the mode.
27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she expects to meet a gentleman acquaintance, she should have a chaperon to accompany her, a person of mature years when possible, and never a giddy girl.
28. A lady should not ask a gentleman to walk with her.
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[Illustration]
A COMPLETE ETIQUETTE IN A FEW PRACTICAL RULES.
_1. If you desire to be respected, keep clean. The finest attire and decorations will add nothing to the appearance or beauty of an untidy person._
_2. Clean clothing, clean skin, clean hands, including the nails, and clean, white teeth, are a requisite passport for good society._
_3. A bad breath should be carefully remedied, whether it proceeds from the stomach or from decayed teeth._
_4. To pick the nose, finger about the ears, or scratch the head or any other part of the person, in company, is decidedly vulgar._
_5. When you call at any private residence, do not neglect to clean your shoes thoroughly._
_6. A gentleman should always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, except out of doors, and then he should lift or touch his hat in salutation. On meeting a lady a well-bred gentleman will always lift his hat._
_7. An invitation to a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, may be either verbal or written, but should always be made at least twenty-four hours before the time._ {53}
_8. On entering a hall or church the gentleman should precede the lady in walking up the aisle, or walk by her side, if the aisle is broad enough._
_9. A gentleman should always precede a lady upstairs, and follow her downstairs._
_10. Visitors should always observe the customs of the church with reference to standing, sitting, or kneeling during the services._
_11. On leaving a hall or church at the close of entertainment or services, the gentleman should precede the lady._
_12. A gentleman walking with a lady should carry the parcels, and never allow the lady to be burdened with anything of the kind._
_13. A gentleman meeting a lady on the street and wishing to speak to her, should never detain her, but may turn around and walk in the same direction she is going, until the conversation is completed._
_14. If a lady is traveling with a gentleman, simply as a friend, she should place the amount of her expenses in his hands, or insist on paying the bills herself._
_15. Never offer a lady costly gifts unless you are engaged to her, for it looks as if you were trying to purchase her goodwill; and when you make a present to a lady use no ceremony whatever._
[Illustration: Children should early be taught the lesson of Propriety and Good Manners.]
_16. Never carry on a private conversation in company. If secrecy is necessary, withdraw from the company._
_17. Never sit with your back to another without asking to be excused._
_18. It is as unbecoming for a gentleman to sit with legs crossed as it is for a lady._
_19. Never thrum with your fingers, rub your hands, yawn, or sigh aloud in company._
_20. Loud laughter, loud talking, or other boisterous manifestations should be checked in the society of others, especially on the street and in public places._ {54}
_21. When you are asked to sing or play in company, do so without being urged, or refuse in a way that shall be final; and when music is being rendered in company, show politeness to the musician by giving attention. It is very impolite to keep up a conversation. If you do not enjoy the music, keep silent._
_22. Contentions, contradictions, etc., in society should be carefully avoided._
_23. Pulling out your watch in company, unless asked the time of day, is a mark of the demi-bred. It looks as if you were tired of the company and the time dragged heavily._
_24. You should never decline to be introduced to any one or all of the guests present at a party to which you have been invited._
_25. A gentleman who escorts a lady to a party, or who has a lady placed under his care, is under particular obligations to attend to her wants and see that she has proper attention. He should introduce her to others, and endeavor to make the evening pleasant. He should escort her to the supper table and provide for her wants._
_26. To take small children or dogs with you on a visit of ceremony is altogether vulgar, though in visiting familiar friends, children are not objectionable._
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{55} [Illustration: AN EGYPTIAN BRIDE'S WEDDING OUTFIT.]
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ETIQUETTE OF CALLS.
[Illustration]
In the matter of making calls it is the correct thing:
For the caller who arrived first to leave first.
To return a first call within a week and in person.
To call promptly and in person after a first invitation.
For the mother or chaperon to invite a gentleman to call.
To call within a week after any entertainment to which one has been invited.
You should call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a prolonged absence.
It is proper to make the first call upon people in a higher social position, if one is asked to do so.
It is proper to call, after an engagement has been announced, or a marriage has taken place, in the family.
For the older residents in the city or street to call upon the newcomers to their neighborhood is a long recognized custom.
It is proper, after a removal from one part of the city to another, to send out cards with one's new address upon them.
To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place where one is living, or making a visit, and to adhere to those hours is a duty that must not be overlooked.
A gentleman should ask for the lady of the house as well as the young ladies, and leave cards for her as well as for the head of the family. {57}
[Illustration: _Improve Your Speech by Reading._]
* * * * *
ETIQUETTE IN YOUR SPEECH.
Don't say Miss or Mister without the person's name.
Don't say pants for trousers.
Don't say gents for gentlemen.
Don't say female for woman.
Don't say elegant to mean everything that pleases you.
Don't say genteel for well-bred.
Don't say ain't for isn't.
Don't say I done it for I did it.
Don't say he is older than me; say older than I.
Don't say she does not see any; say she does not see at all.
Don't say not as I know; say not that I know.
Don't say he calculates to get off; say he expects to get off.
Don't say he don't; say he doesn't.
Don't say she is some better; say she is somewhat better.
Don't say where are you stopping? say where are you staying?
Don't say you was; say you were.
Don't say I say, says I, but simply say I said.
Don't sign your letters yours etc., but yours truly.
Don't say lay for lie; lay expresses action; lie expresses rest.
Don't say them bonnets; say those bonnets.
Don't say party for person.
Don't say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautiful. {58}
Don't say feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, tomorrow.
Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar.
Don't use profane words; they are sinful and foolish.
Don't say it was her, when you mean it was she.
Don't say not at once for at once.
Don't say he gave me a recommend, but say he gave me a recommendation.
Don't say the two first for the first two.
Don't say he learnt me French; say he taught me French.
Don't say lit the fire; say lighted the fire.
Don't say the man which you saw; say the man whom you saw.
Don't say who done it; say who did it.
Don't say if I was rich I would buy a carriage; say if I were rich.
Don't say if I am not mistaken you are in the wrong; say if I mistake not.
Don't say who may you be; say who are you?
Don't say go lay down; say go lie down.
Don't say he is taller than me; say taller than I.
Don't say I shall call upon him; say I shall call on him.
Don't say I bought a new pair of shoes; say I bought a pair of new shoes.
Don't say I had rather not; say I would rather not.
Don't say two spoonsful; say two spoonfuls.
* * * * *
ETIQUETTE OF DRESS AND HABITS.
Don't let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person.
Don't sit down to your evening meal before a complete toilet if you have company.
Don't cleanse your nails, your nose or your ears in public.
Don't use hair dye, hair oil or pomades.
Don't wear evening dress in daytime.
Don't wear jewelry of a gaudy character; genuine jewelry modestly worn is not out of place.
Don't overdress yourself or walk affectedly.
Don't wear slippers or dressing-gown or smoking-jacket out of your own house.
Don't sink your hands in your trousers' pockets.
Don't whistle in public places, nor inside of houses either.
Don't use your fingers or fists to beat a tattoo upon floor, desk or window panes.
Don't examine other people's papers or letters scattered on their desk. {59}
Don't bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies.
Never use either in the presence of ladies.