VI.
Sun, moon, and thou vain world, adieu, That kings and priests are plotting in: Here doom’d to starve on water gru- -el, never shall I see the U- -niversity of Gottingen! -niversity of Gottingen.
_During the last stanza_ ROGERO _dashes his head repeatedly against the walls of his prison; and finally so hard as to produce a visible contusion. He then throws himself on the floor in an agony. The curtain drops; the music continuing to play till it is wholly fallen._
There is a curious circumstance connected with the composition of this song, the first five stanzas of which were written by Mr. Canning. Having been accidentally seen, previous to its publication, by Mr. Pitt, who was cognisant of the proceedings of the “_Anti-Jacobin_” writers, he was so amused with it, that he took up a pen, and composed the last stanza on the spot. As the song has been so frequently parodied any detail connected with it is interesting, and it may be remarked that Mr. Pitt fell into a grave error in describing _Rogero_ as doomed to starve on water gruel, for in the previous scene the waiter mentions that he had just conveyed the usual dinner to the prisoner in the vaults, namely, pease-soup, with the scrag end of a neck of mutton.
――――
A NEW GOTTINGEN BALLAD.
Oxford and Cambridge, sisters two, With prejudice begotten in, Your tassell’d Commoners[90] should embue Their minds, with knowledge from the U- -niversity of Gottingen!
Johnson and Milton ye can show, Or tell the graves they’re rotting in; But what are they to Kotzebue, Who studied morals at the U- -niversity of Gottingen?
Hyde-Park, that aristocrats, with new Buckskins and boots, are trotting in, Boast you the philosophy true, Subliming mankind at the U- -niversity of Gottingen?
Ah! no; your ring, where men in du- -els go for to be shotten in, Can boast no slaughters like the su- -icides, that happens at the U- -niversity of Gottingen!
Commons and Lords, where _buff_ and _blue_ Now seem to be forgotten in, Ye want a thorough _revolu- -tion_, and the system of the U- -niversity of Gottingen!
Halls of the city, that the crew Of traders are begotten in, I’d share your fatt’ning revenue With _literati_ at the U- -niversity of Gottingen?
O! people banking base, and _bou- -tiquière_, that are so hot in gain, O! learn the doctrine of commu- -nity of goods, and send yours to The doctors meek of _Gottingen_!
From _The Morning Herald_, 1802.
――――
SONG.
Whene’er with aching eyes I view The troublers of the nation, I find them one conspiring crew The BRIDGE STREET GANG――the CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
Slop’s venom, of high _Tory_ blue, The Stuart royal fashion, In secret gave the poison to The daggers of the CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
Forth from his SLOP-PAIL swift he flew, In dread of moderation, Assassin’s knives to cowards threw, And called the GANG the CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
I, who when wild his _curses_ flew, Gave him his appellation, Would force him into light, in du- -ty to unmask his CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
Against me if his SLOP-PAIL brew, For that high designation, I spurn his SLOP-PAIL, spurn him too, And scorn his GANG, the CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
Until a fouler opportu- -nity a filthier still occasion He’ll empty his dirty SLOP-PAIL gru- -el, through his sink-hole CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
But should he shrink from public view, Or skulk with mean evasion, I’ll lash the knave with all his crew―― SLOP and his GANG, the CONSTITU- -TIONAL _Association_. -TIONAL _Association_.
From _Hone’s Facetiæ and Miscellanies_. _A Slap at Slop_ by William Hone, with illustrations by G. Cruikshank. _London_, 1822.
The allusions to Dr. Slop, (Dr. John Stoddart,) and the _Constitutional Association_, or Bridge Street Gang, have already been explained in reference to _A New Vision of Judgment_. (See page 177.)
――――
THE LONDON UNIVERSITY.
In 1826 a party who believed that the home and university plan of education which prevails in Scotland, was much better than the college and university education of Oxford or Cambridge, made Lord Brougham and Mr. Charles Knight their spokesmen, and declared they would have a university within reach of their own homes. A joint-stock company was formed, and the place in Gower Street was opened on October 1, 1828, under the name of the “London University.” One very prominent feature in the prospectus was that there should be perfect religious freedom within the university. The scheme met with much opposition and ridicule, Theodore Hook dubbed the place “Stinkomalee,” and R. Harris Barham, the author of the Ingoldsby Legends, satirised it in the following amusing parody:――
SONG.[91]
Whene’er, with pitying eye I view, Each operative sot in town, I smile to think how wondrous few Get drunk who study at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town.
What precious fools “The People” grew. Their _alma mater_ not in town; The “useful classes” hardly knew Four was composed of two, and two, Until they learned it at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town.
But now they’re taught by JOSEPH HU- -ME, by far the cleverest Scot in town, Their _items_ and their _tottles_ too; Each may dissect his sister Sue, From his instructions at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town.
Then L――――E comes, like him how few Can caper and can trot in town, In _pirouette_, or _pas de deux_―― He beats the famed _Monsieur Giroux_, And teaches dancing at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town! -niversity we’ve Got in town.
And GILCHRIST,[92] see, that great Geentoo―― Professor, has a lot in town Of cockney boys who fag Hindoo, And _larn Jem-nastics_ at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town! -niversity we’ve Got in town.
SAM ROGERS,[93] corpse of vampire hue, Comes from its grave to rot in town; For Bays the dead bards’ crowned with yew, And chants, the Pleasures of the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town! -niversity we’ve Got in town.
FRANK JEFFREY,[94] of the Scotch Review,―― Whom MOORE had nearly shot in town, Now, with his pamphlet stitched in blue And yellow, damns the other two, But lauds the ever glorious U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
Great BIRKBECK,[95] king of chips and glue, Who paper oft does blot in town, From the Mechanics’ Institu- -tion, comes to prate of wedge and screw, Lever and axle at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
LORD WAITHMAN,[96] who long since withdrew From Mansion House to cot in town; Adorn’d with chair of ormulu, All darkly grand, like Prince Lee Boo, Lectures on _Free Trade_ at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
Fat F――――, with his cost of blue, Who speeches makes so hot in town, In rhetoric, spells his lectures through, And sounds the V for W, The _vay they speaks_ it at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
Then H――――E comes, who late at New- gate Market, sweetest spot in town! Instead of one clerk, popp’d in two, To make a place for his ne-phew, Seeking another at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
There’s Captain ROSS, a traveller true, Has just presented, what in town―― ――’s an article of great _virtu_ (The telescope he once peep’d through, And ’spied an Exquimaux canoe On Croker Mountains), to the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
Since MICHAEL gives no roast nor stew, Where Whigs might eat and plot in town, And swill his port, and mischief brew―― Poor Creevy sips his water gru- -el as the beadle of the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town!
There’s JERRY BENTHAM.[97] and his crew, Names ne’er to be forgot in town, In swarms like Banquo’s long is-sue―― Turk, Papist, Infidel and Jew, Come trooping on to join the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town, -niversity we’ve Got in town.
To crown the whole with triple queue Another such there’s not in town, Twitching his restless nose askew, Behold tremendous HARRY BROUGH-[98] AM! law professor at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town―― -niversity we’ve Got in town.
_Grand Chorus_:
Huzza! huzza! for HARRY BROUGH- AM! law professor at the U- -niversity we’ve Got in town, -niversity we’ve Got in town.
――――
PENNY POSTAGE.
The Penny Postage commenced on January 10, 1840. The following parody was issued during the same month.
THE UNIVERSAL PENNY POSTAGE.
From universal suffrage some Say every blessing’s sure to come, As clear as one and one make two; But others say it’s all a hum, And there’s no blessing like the U- -niversal Penny Postage.
Of all the penn’orths Nature gave―― A penny show, a penny shave, There’s blacking for a penny too, A penny biscuit――all must waive Their claims in favour of the U- -niversal Penny Postage.
For all things now there’s some new way―― To write, to seal, to fold, to pay; And you must talk in idioms new, And when you mean Post-paid must say, “Prepaid,” by order of the U- -niversal Penny Postage.
If aught’s _not_ new the wonder’s great, The tables are so turned of late, E’en useful tables, though so true: Your half-ounce makes one _penny-weight_, According to the school of U- -niversal Penny Postage.
Who’d think our great authorities Would do a thing so (penny) wise? (Pound foolish things we know they do!) How now in history they’ll rise!―― The Government that gave the U- -niversal Penny Postage.
Oh, Rowland Hill, immortal man, How can we pay you for your plan! To _you_ our thanks, our pence are due; It was the Emperor of Japan As much as _they_ that gave the U- -niversal Penny Postage.
Send up a column to the sky, Five thousand office inkstands high; Take for a basement fair to view, As many reams of “wove demy”; Write――“To the author of the U- -niversal Penny Postage.”
ANONYMOUS.
――――
SONG.
_Sung by Dodge-ero_ (COLONEL T-YL-R) _in the Burlesque Play of “The Reform Rovers.”_
It is a most provoking do! To think that I was potting ’em―― The guileless DILLWYN and his crew, When who should twig us but the hu- -morous M.P. for Nottingham―― -morous M.P. for Nottingham.
(_Weeps and pulls out a true blue Reform bill. Gazing tenderly at it, he proceeds_――
Sweet Measure! checks of truest blue They soon had found garotting ’em, If they had helped to pass you through, Without detection by the hu- -morous M.P. for Nottingham―― -morous M.P. for Nottingham.
(_At each repetition of this line Dodge-ero cracks his whip in cadence._)
Bah! Bah! As RAREY trotted Crui- ser, I was calmly trotting ’em, When, hang it! who should enter――who? But that confounded pest――the hU- -morous M.P. for Nottingham―― -morous M.P. for Nottingham.
The very form, in which they drew My words up, clearly spotting ’em, He offered to the House as scrU- -tineers――he did indeed, the hU- -morous M.P. for Nottingham―― -morous M.P. for Nottingham.
My eyes! (with soda corks, it’s true, I have a way of dotting ’em At awkward times)――a rare to-do Was thus created by the hU- -morous M.P. for Nottingham―― -morous M.P. for Nottingham.
And since they can’t escape the crU- -el sentence he’s alloting ’em, Their only chance is to abU- -se, and heap strong terms upon the hU- -morous M.P. for Nottingham―― -morous M.P. for Nottingham.
(_During the last stanza Dodge-ero perceives that he has run his head against a wall, so hard as to produce a visible confusion. The curtain drops._)
_Fun_, April 27, 1867.
――――
THE ORATOR’S SONG. “_Glory, Glory, to the Union._”
My years are many――they were few (The flight of time immense is) My cap and gown were both brand new When first a member of the U- -nion Oxoniensis, -nion Oxoniensis.
A Literal _then_ of deepest hue (_Now_ Time’s restored my senses) My jokes were old, my facts were few When first a speaker at the U- -nion Oxoniensis, -nion Oxoniensis.
I’d done myself, as others do In railing at th’ expenses, Yet thought such criticism stu- pid when the Treasurer at the U- -nion Oxoniensis, -nion Oxoniensis.
And still with pride I can review How I sternly fined offences, And rigorously enforced them too When I was President at the U- -nion Oxoniensis, -nion Oxoniensis.
What fights from those old frescoes grew, They drove us into frenzies, Whether their charms should shine anew, Or, whitewashed, vanish from the U- -nion Oxoniensis, -nion Oxoniensis.
When first my beard and whiskers grew (A Bachelor in all senses) I’m afraid I swaggered――(so would you,) An hon’rary member of the U- -nion Oxoniensis, -nion Oxoniensis.
Ah, me, perhaps those days I view Thro’ gaudy-tinted lenses, Yet, sad, I bid my last adieu To all thy well-known rooms, O, U- -nion Oxoniensis. -nion Oxoniensis.
From _The Shotover Papers_, or Echoes from Oxford. March 1874.
The “Union” is a well known Club for Oxford Students, having reading and smoking rooms, a good library, and a debating room, in which some of our finest public speakers have made their maiden efforts. The frescoes above referred to were painted in 1857 by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, and are, unfortunately, rapidly fading away.
There was another Oxford parody of this song in “_Diogenes_” for July, 1853, entitled _The Oxford Installation Ode_. The celebrities to whom it alluded are now all dead, and the parody is quite out of date.
――――
THE PLEA OF PADDINGTON.
The Board of Works, a thrifty crew, Oppose in cold, heart-sadding tone, The Park! Ah! Bumble may pooh-pooh, But “Let us have it!” is the U- -niversal prayer of Paddington.
_Non possumus_? Nay, that won’t do! Pray drop official fadding tone! Builderdom’s selfish bosh eschew, And listen kindly to the U- -niversal cry of Paddington.
Asphyxia on our Town, too true, Weighs yet in many a madding ton; Give us another “lung,” pray do, Is now the hearty, ardent U- -niversal plea of Paddington.
Are Cockney souls as dull of hue As Babylon’s pervading tone? “Let’s look upon the heavenly blue From one more vantage,” is the U- -niversal wish of Paddington.
Posterity, on its turf pursue- -ing pleasant sports, in gladding tone Will bless the foresight, wise and true, Which _timely_ listened to the U- -niversal prayer of Paddington.
_Punch_, February 11, 1882.
――――
A SONG OF SOCIAL SCIENCE.
“The Association was founded to elucidate the economical and moral principles on which the Constitution of Society should be based, and to influence, by the light of those principles, the course of future legislation.”――Mr. G. W. HASTINGS, M.P., _in his Address at the Opening of the 25th Annual Meeting of the Social Science Congress, in the new Lecture Hall of the University at Nottingham_.
If “principles” are “nuts” to you, And promptly you’d be spotting ’em, Best take a turn, Sir, at the new Big lecture-rooms that grace the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
There Blues orate till all is blue, (Knights and M.P.’s “big-potting” ’em) If you the social maze would view, They’ll guide you through it at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
Twenty-five years since first they blew Big Guns, Lord Brougham shotting ’em, And now there’s nothing new or true But they’ll bang at you――at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
If you would dish the Landlord crew, By laws, _without_ Boycotting ’em, The Settled Land Act’s action scru- -tinise as pictured at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
If you’d rejoice in skies of blue, With no big chimneys blotting ’em, You’ll probably learn what to do By patient listening at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
If you tight-lacing would eschew, See girls with “bags” _culotte_-ing ’em, Or “dual garmenture,” why few Subjects more “fetch” them at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
You’d learn how Women’s rights first grew, And how Man shirked allotting ’em, On all such questions they’ll adju- -dicate serenely at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
Our Social Factors you’d review, And learn the art of “totting” ’em? Bless you! Statistics stiff are stu- -diously fed on at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
Facts about drains, the Workman’s “screw,” Girls’ boots, would you be jotting ’em? They’ll stuff you with enough to ru- -minate for years on at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
Would you the World of Hobbies view, Behold their riders trotting ’em, _That_ Universe they will elu- -cidate completely at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
Battle of Hastings! Pun, Sir? Pooh! Poor wags are always plotting ’em. Yet twenty-five years’ war, ’tis true, Culminates _this_ year at the U- -niversity at Nottingham!
_Punch_, October 7, 1882.
Algernon Charles Swinburne ON MR. GLADSTONE AND HOME RULE.
During the recent election _The Times_ newspaper was strongly opposed to Mr. Gladstone’s policy, and on July 1, 1886, it published a poem by A. C. Swinburne, entitled “_The Commonweal_” to which it thus solemnly drew attention in its leading article:――
“None can accuse Mr. Swinburne of sympathy with oppression, or with failure to champion the cause of struggling nationalities. But he is clear-sighted enough to see on which side in this struggle lie the great interests of human liberty, and the vigorous poem which we print to-day from his pen is a worthy contribution to the battle now being waged. “See the man of words embrace the man of blood”――points an alliance which English Liberals may well blush to acknowledge; and an appeal to all that is sound in this nation cannot better end than in Mr. Swinburne’s words:――
“Yet an hour is here for answer; now, if here be yet a nation, “Answer, England, man by man, from sea to sea!”
THE COMMONWEAL. A Song for Unionists.
1.
Men, whose fathers braved the world in arms against our isles in union, Men, whose brothers met rebellion face to face, Shew the hearts ye have, if worthy long descent and high communion, Shew the spirits, if unbroken, of your race.
2.
What are these that howl and hiss across the strait of westward water, What is he who floods our ears with speech in flood; See the long tongue lick the dripping hand that smokes and reeks of slaughter! See the man of words embrace the man of blood!
3.
Hear the plea whereby the tonguester mocks and charms the gazing gaper―― “We are they whose works are works of love and peace; Till disunion bring forth union, what is union, Sirs, but paper? Break and rend it, then shall trust and strength increase.”
4.
Who would fear to trust a double-faced but single-hearted dreamer, Pure of purpose, clean of hand, and clear of guile? “Life is well-nigh spent,” he sighs, “you call me shuffler, trickster, schemer? I am old――when young men yell at me, I smile.”
5.
Many a year that priceless light of life has trembled, we remember, On the platform of extinction――unextinct; Many a month has been for him the long year’s last――life’s calm December: Can it be that he who said so, saying so, winked?
6.
No: the lust of life, the thirst for work and days with work to do in, Drove and drives him down the road of splendid shame; All is well, if o’er the monument recording England’s ruin Time shall read, inscribed in triumph, Gladstone’s name.
7.
Thieves and murderers, hands yet red with blood and tongues yet black with lies, Clap and clamour――“God for Gladstone and Parnell!” Truth, unscared and undeluded by their praise or blame, replies―― “Is the gaol of fraud and bloodshed heaven or hell?”
8.
Old men eloquent, who truckle to the traitors of the time, Love not office――power is no desire of theirs: What if yesterday their hearts recoiled from blood and fraud and crime? Conscience erred――an error which to-day repairs.
9.
Conscience only now convinces them of strange though transient error: Only now they see how fair is treason’s face; See how true the falsehood, just the theft, and blameless is the terror, Which replaces just and blameless men in place.
10.
Place and time decide the right and wrong of thought and word and
## action;
Crime is black as hell, till virtue gain its vote; Then――but ah, to think or say so smacks of fraud or smells of faction:―― Mercy holds the door while Murder hacks the throat.
11.
Murder? Treason? Theft? Poor brothers who succumb to such temptations, Shall we lay on you or take on us the blame? Reason answers, and religion echoes round to wondering nations, “Not with Ireland, but with England rests the shame.”
12.
Reason speaks through mild religion’s organ, loud and long and lusty―― Profit speaks through lips of patriots pure and true―― “English friends, whose trust we ask for, has not England found us trusty? Not for us we seek advancement, but for you.
13.
“Far and near the world bears witness of our wisdom, courage, honour; Egypt knows if there our fame burns bright or dim. Let but England trust as Gordon trusted, soon shall come upon her Such deliverance as our daring brought on him.
14.
“Far and wide the world rings record of our faith, our constant dealing, Love of country, truth to friends, contempt for foes. Sign once more the bond of trust in us that here awaits but sealing, We will give yet more than all our record shows.
15.
“Perfect ruin, shame eternal, everlasting degradation, Freedom bought and sold, truth bound and treason free” Yet an hour is here for answer; now, if here be yet a nation, Answer, England, man by man from sea to sea!
ALGERNON CHARLES SWINBURNE. June 30, 1886. _The Times_, July 1, 1886.
――――
The next day _The Daily News_, which was in favor of Mr. Gladstone’s policy of Home Rule for Ireland, published a parody of the poem, and, in one of its articles, alluded to Mr. Swinburne in the following terms of reproach:――
“Every topic of prejudice is being urged by the opponents of Home Rule. All the sins of the Irish people, all the errors of their leaders, are being daily enumerated by critics who have made it their business to stir up international hatred between the two countries as the best means of consolidating union. The latest ally of the Tories is a red republican, who happens also to be the foulest-mouthed and foulest-minded poet of the age. Mr. Swinburne is alleged by Mr. Theodore Watts to be a man of genius, and he has unquestionably a marvellous command of rhythmical and sonorous verse. But the words in which he attacks Mr. Gladstone are faint and feeble when compared with the language in which he has previously inveighed against Christianity, morality, and Almighty God.”
THE OLD CAUSE. A Counterblast.
1.
Men, whose fathers did most grievous wrong in ignorance and blindness, Men whose brothers wrought our Commonweal’s disgrace, Show the hearts ye have, if holding honour high and human kindness, Show the courage, conscience-guided, of your race.
2.
What are these that shriek and shout against the resolute wrong-righter? What is he that sets their wrath to tuneful chimes? See the lyric tongue swift tripping aid the furious party fighter! See the men of wrath embrace the man of rhymes!
3.
Hear the plea whereby the poet helps the swaggering patriot-aper―― “We are they whose fathers never failed in fight.” And the clamour of the Club-room and the prating of the Paper Hail the vain and vapid vaunting with delight.
4.
Who will care to hear the poet when he turns a parrot screamer? At the party Yahoo’s yelling men may smile, But the fieriest Muse must sigh when the fine and fluent dreamer Stoops like rancorous Lord Randolph to revile.
5.
What, _you_ echo the coarse railings of the rude and rabid rabble, Who cackle, and calumniate, and curse? _You_ drape their silly slander and their base insulting babble With the brave, dishonoured vesture of your verse?
6.
Many a year your Muse has fulminated fiercely, we remember, Against tyrants. Is that righteous rage extinct? How you smote the scourge of Italy, the false Man of December! Can it be that he who did so, doing so, winked?
7.
No: the lust of right, the thirst for noble freedom, Sir, live in you, Splendid brighteners of the splendour of your fame. All is well with that; but wherefore should the scurril chorus win you To cast dust upon another noble name?
8.
It is stale and slanderous fustian, all this talk of “blood” and “lies,” Clap-trap clamour that ’tis poor of you to swell. Leave carrion to the crows, Sir, and putrescence to the flies, Our goal is one――what need to rage and yell?
9.
Old men eloquent may err, and are poets safe from error? All hearts recoil from blood, and fraud, and crime; But to say that we to traitors mean to truckle, and from terror, Is plain falsehood, whether put in prose or rhyme.
10.
When tyranny makes traitors then the tyrant’s plea is “treason!” We through love would make men loyal to just law, Our means _may_ be ill-chosen, but our aim is right and reason, An Union without gyves but without flaw.
11.
The Commonweal? Go to, Sir! We all love it, in our fashion, He most whom you mistakenly malign; Not with fiery patriot vauntings or with wild hysteric passion, But with justice, which we deem yet more divine.
12.
If we differ――let us differ, but like gentlemen and brothers, And fight the fight out fairly to the end, These Isles shall bear our children, as they bare our sires and mothers; Where lives the traitor-fool who’s not their friend?
13.
Not in our shapes, Sir Singer, nor in his whom you bespatter With too stale slime, but whom we love and trust. He traitor, trickster, coward? Well, let time decide the matter; Our hearts are hot, but history’s cool and just.
14.
O “man of words”――and wild ones――“men of blood,” by sorrow maddened, Have made the task we toil at sorely hard; Yet must we toil unhalting, though unaided and ungladdened By the Song of England’s tyrant-scourging bard.
15.
Such causes long are championed amidst slander, shame, and sorrow, But ever to one issue. Well know we, Heard by our ears to-day or by other ears to-morrow, Our England’s “Aye!” shall ring from sea to sea!
_The Daily News_, July 2, 1886.
――――
THE COMMON SQUEAL. A Song for Shriekers.