part one

of the disgraces of our metropolis.

The Vaccination Extension Act was a sanitary measure of great importance, as the mortality from small-pox had long been greater in England than in any other country in Europe.

On the 16th of December LORD PALMERSTON resigned his office of Secretary of State for the Home Department, but he was subsequently induced to resume his position in the Government.

On the 20th of August the Parliament was prorogued by commission, and a Parliamentary Session of an unusually protracted and laborious character brought to an end. The year had been generally very prosperous, but the scanty harvest, and the unsettled condition of the labouring classes, who resorted to the desperate and suicidal agency of "strikes" for bettering their condition, added to the probability of a war with Russia, brought it to a gloomy close, and it was as much as _Punch_ could do to sustain the nation in moderate cheerfulness.

* * * * *

NOTES.

THE CAMP AT CHOBHAM.--The July of 1853 was particularly wet.

THE CAMP.--A fact.

FANCY PORTRAIT.--Need we say of MR. CHARLES KEAN.

A GENTEEL REPROOF was really required to check the somewhat indelicate curiosity of lady-visitors to the camp.

POISONOUS PUFFS still disgrace many provincial papers and a few metropolitan ones. Newspaper readers have the remedy in themselves by adopting the advice given in this article.

A STARTLING NOVELTY IN SHIRTS was barely an exaggeration in 1853.

A DETERMINED DUELLIST.--See Note to p. 39.

THE NEW ACT.--The Cabman is the picture of a man then about town, and a member of a very respectable family, to annoy whom he drove a Hansom Cab.

A GOOD JOKE.--See _Introduction_.

ANOTHER POTATO BLIGHT, &C.--MR. SERJEANT MURPHY, of facetious memory.

MORNINGTON'S CHALLENGE.--LORD MORNINGTON, formerly MR. WELLESLEY TYLNEY LONG POLE, recently challenged LORD SHAFTESBURY, who declined the folly. _Pop Goes the Weasel_ was the name of a popular tune.

EAST INDIA HOUSE.--MR. HOGG was a distinguished director of the East India Company and M.P.

THE AMERICAN CUPID.--MR. HOBBS, the celebrated lock-picker, to whom reference has been frequently made in preceding Volumes.

LOGIC FOR MR. LUCAS.--See Notes to preceding Volumes.

EFFECT OF THE CAB STRIKE.--About this time the Cab Proprietors of London struck against the new Cab Act, and London for a day was left cabless.

WANTED, A NOBLEMAN.--An EARL OF ALDBOROUGH was advertised as a patron of HOLLOWAY'S Pills, for whose real value, see _Punch_, No. 1126, February 7, 1863.

THE MEMBER FOR LINCOLN AS HE WILL APPEAR AT THE NEXT GENERAL ELECTION.--A Street Musician used to play several instruments in the manner here indicated.

THE BATTLE OF SPITHEAD.--The QUEEN held a grand Naval Review at Spithead.

THE DOOM OF WESTMINSTER BRIDGE was fulfilled in 1862 by the opening of the beautiful structure built by MR. PAGE.

A PRESENT FOR ABERDEEN.--LORD ABERDEEN was suspected of Russian tendencies.

FLOWERS OF THE TOWZEREY PLANT.--The Towzerey Gang was a set of swindling warehousemen well exposed by the _Times_.

A CONSULTATION ABOUT THE STATE OF TURKEY.--Turkey was described at this time as "the sick man."

TAVERN EXPERIENCE.--See large cut opposite.

THE INSTITUTION OF OUR SPECTRE OF CHELSEA.--An Apparition called the Lady of Salette was said to have appeared to a Shepherd boy, and was accredited by the Romish Church.

MEMORIAL TO BELLOT.--A Monument to the memory of this gallant Frenchman, who perished during one of our Polar Expeditions, is erected opposite to Greenwich Hospital.

A LETTER AND AN ANSWER.--The Cholera was rife at this time.

A NUISANCE IN THE CITY, &C.--The Corporation of London strongly opposed the Health of Towns' Bill.

LORD SID-NEE SHOW.--SIDNEY was a Tea-dealer.

A BISHOP ON THINGS SOLID.--A most ridiculous movement was made in the City to obtain subscriptions for a Statue for PRINCE ALBERT. It was very properly discountenanced at Court.

A LONELY SQUARE.--This was the age of "stick-ups."

THE REMONSTRANCE, and A NEW CHIME FOR BOW BELLS.--The LORD MAYOR and Corporation of London had fallen, sadly "fallen from their high estate" in public estimation.

EXPOSTULATION WITH PALMERSTON.--LORD PALMERSTON had left the Ministry at this time. See _Introduction_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: the twenty fifth volume]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH IN DUBLIN.

"Yes, with much pleasure," said _Mr. Punch_, M.P. for England, as he entered the Octagon Hall in Parliament Palace; and, in his usual elegant and affable manner, extended his white-gloved hand to a courtly gentleman who had requested his presence.

"I was sure you would say so," said the gentleman, and he raised a finger. A watchful official at a door instantly turned to the electric dial, and _Mr. Punch's_ gracious assent was known at Holyhead, before he had finished congratulating his companion, in the most truly charming style, on a promised knighthood, of which the Viceroy of Ireland had whispered something to _Mr. Punch_.

"No man ever earned his spurs better than the man who has been spurring railways into increased activity for so many years," said _Mr. Punch_, with a beautiful bow.

"I have not called you from the House at an unfortunate time, I trust, Sir," said the other. "Not that you can ever be spared, but--"

"WILLIAM GLADSTONE is quite up to his work," replied the great patriot. "He has but a couple of dozen of the Brigade in hand at present, and he is tossing up one after the other, cup-and-ball fashion, cupping or spiking him to taste, with the precision of a RAMO SAMEE. I can leave WILLIAM. Let us go."

"You will take care that no other passenger is put into _Mr. Punch's coupé_, guard," said the gentleman, as the Euston whistle sounded.

"No masculine passenger, please tell him, Mr. RONEY," said _Mr. Punch_, facetiously. "Good night."

"This Irish journey is capitally done, certainly," said _Mr. Punch_, as, thirteen hours later, he found himself over his coffee and prawns in Sackville Street, on a radiant morning, and all the bright eyes of Dublin sparkling round the door of his hotel, eagerly glancing towards his balcony. _Mr. Punch_ rushed forth, _serviette_ in hand. His large heart beat high at the sight of so much loveliness, and at the sound of those angel-voices, rising into musical cheering.

"Bless you, my darlings!" _Mr. Punch_ could say no more, but finished his prawns, and, throwing his manly form upon a jaunting car, he dashed over the bridge, and to Merrion Square.

"An' it's for luck I'll be takin' your honour's sixpence, and not for the dirthy money," said the excited driver, as he rattled round the corner, and into the Square, and the gigantic cylinders of the EXHIBITION burst upon _Mr. Punch's_ gaze.

"My Irish friend," said _Mr. Punch_, gravely, but not severely, "do not talk nonsense. Your carriage is clean, your horse is rapid, you are civil, and your fare is certain. In London, we have as yet neither clean carriages, rapid horses, civil drivers, nor certain fares. We may learn those lessons of you. Learn two from us. Do not believe in luck, but practice perseverance; and do not call that money dirty which is the well-earned pay of honest service. To sweeten the advice, there is a shilling." And _Mr. Punch_ entered the Exhibition building, and was drawing out his purse at the turnstile. But two gigantic policemen, in soldierly garb, welcomed him with a respectful smile, and the turnstile suddenly spun him into the building gratis, but a little too fast for dignity. What a sight was that before him! The vast hall, with its blue lines and red labels, looked a handsome instalment of Paxtonia. Plashing fountains, murmuring organs, a MAROCHETTI Queen high pedestalled, white statues, glistering silver-blazoned banners. A fine and a noble sight, and worthy of all plaudit; but it was not that which almost bewildered the great patriot, as he was shot into Dargania. Those eyes again--two thousand pairs at least--Irish diamonds, worth mines of Koh-i-noors, suddenly flashing and sparkling and melting upon him. That telegraph message from the Octagon Hall--and, as they say in the Peers' House, "and the Ladies summoned." Staggered though he was, you do not often see such a bow as that with which _Mr. Punch_ did homage to his lovely hostesses.

Two of the fairest stepped forward gracefully, and blushingly proffered themselves as his guides through the building.

"Chiefly, that I may set them in my prayers," murmured _Mr. Punch_, "if you happen to have names----"

Those blue eyes belong to HONORA, and those violet eyes to GRACE, and all to _Mr. Punch's_ heart henceforth and until further notice. They proceeded, and there was a sound as of a great rustling, as of a world of feminine garments forming into procession and following, but it was vain for _Mr. Punch_ to think of looking round, for he never got further than the face of one or other of his companions. They paraded the building.

GRACE bade him look from her, and observe the five halls, in the central and greatest of which they stood. She showed him that Royalty had contributed a gorgeous temple, rich in gems and gold, richer in an artist-thought of the Prince who designed it. And, standing on the platform, she pointed out that the forge and the loom and the chisel had all been busy for that huge hall, whose area offered a series of bold general types of the work to be seen in detail around it. And China was near with her carvings, and India with her embroideries, and Japan with a hundred crafts (now for the first time revealed, thanks to our brother, the King of Holland), and Belgium with her graceful ingenuity, and France with her artistic luxury, and the Zollverein with its bronzes, and Austria with her maps, and flowers, and furniture. And then GRACE led him on to the Fine Arts Hall, where the original thoughts of a thousand painters, new and old, glowed upon him from walls which the DEVONSHIRES, and LANSDOWNES, and TALBOTS, and PORTARLINGTONS, and YARBOROUGHS, and CHARLEMONTS, and others, had joined to enrich with the choicest treasures of their castles and mansions. And amid the priceless display, _Mr. Punch_ felt justly proud of his aristocratic friends, who could at once trust and teach the people.

HONORA bade him look from her, and they passed from an exquisite Mediæval Court, its blue vault studded with golden stars, crossed the hall, and observed a long range of machinery doing its various restless work, and doing it noiselessly, thanks to a silent system and a tremendous rod, sent from Manchester by FAIRBAIRN, through whose Tubular Bridge _Mr. Punch_ had flown at dawn. And HONORA showed him where Ireland had put forth her own strength, and thrown down her linens and her woollens in friendly challenge, and with her hardware, her minerals, her beautiful marbles, and her admirable typography. They ascended, and passing through long lines of galleries, _Mr. Punch's_ adorable guides pointed out, amid a legion of wares, things more graceful and useful than he had seen assembled since the bell (on that 11th of October last but one) tolled for the fall of Paxtonia.

"And now, dear _Mr. Punch_," said HONORA, "you have looked round our Dublin Exhibition, and--and--"

"And," said GRACE, "you know that you sometimes say rather severe things about Ireland--"

"Never," said _Mr. Punch_, dropping upon his knees. "Never. But here I register a vow."

The whole assembly was suddenly hushed, and had _Mr. Punch's_ words been literal, instead of only metaphorical, pearls and diamonds, you might have heard them fall on those boards.

"That for your sakes here present, and for the sake of all the wise, and energetic, and right-hearted men of Ireland who have to do with this building, and with your roads, and railways, and schools, and the like, I will henceforth wage even more merciless and exterminating war than hitherto with the humbug Irish patriots (dupes or tools), who tarnish the name of a nation which can rear and fill an edifice like this."

A shout which made the good SIR JOHN BENSON'S broad arches ring again and again. And, as it subsided, there came forth from the crowd of ladies, whose eyes all turned affectionately on the new comer, a stalwart presence. _Mr. Punch_ sprang up.

"This is your work!" he exclaimed. "Don't say it is not, WILLIAM DARGAN, because I know it is, and because England knows it too, and holds your name in honour accordingly."

That day's proceedings are not reported further. But all _Mr. Punch's_ friends who wish to please him will have the goodness to run over to Dublin, and see the finest sight which will be seen between this and the First of May next.

* * * * *

A NEW TURN IN THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT.

A real, genuine, out-and-out Teetotaller says he likes this Table-turning vastly; for, though it keeps folks to the table, still it keeps them from the bottle. "The table may go round," he says, "but the wine does not circulate." There may be more in this teetotaller's chuckle than wine-bibbers imagine. We ourselves have heard an instance of a wealthy City man, who is nearly as mean as the MARQUIS OF NORTHMINSTER, who spares his Port regularly, by proposing to his company, as soon as the cloth is removed, that "they should try a little of this table-moving that is so much talked about." The decanters are removed, and he keeps his company with their fingers fixed upon the mahogany, until Coffee is announced. We warn all persons who are in the habit of dining out, against lending their hands to this favourite trick.

* * * * *

"PROVIDED ALWAYS."

Though, perhaps, not strictly within our province to attend to the Commissariat of any but ourselves, we beg leave to announce that we have undertaken to supply the whole of the Camp at Chobham with chaff.

* * * * *

THE AUTHOR OF SCOTCH BEER.--We lately read an advertisement of a book entitled _The Scottish Ale-Brewer_. The author's name is ROBERTS; but it ought to have been MAC ENTIRE.

* * * * *

CRYSTAL NUNNERIES.

Ye reverend Fathers, why make such objection, Why raise such a cry against Convents' Inspection? Is it not just the thing to confound the deceivers, And confute all the slanders of vile unbelievers?

It strikes me that people in your situation Should welcome, invite, and court investigation, As much as to say, "Come and see if you doubt us; We defy you to find any evil about us."

For my