Part 18

Fifth avenue rectors with shining morning faces, preaching on Easter to pews packed with stockbrokers, defendants in salacious divorce suits, members of the Sulgrave Foundation and former Zionists.... Evangelists of strange, incomprehensible cults whooping and bawling at two or three half-witted old women and half a dozen scared little girls in corrugated iron tabernacles down near the railroad-yards.... Mormon missionaries pulling door-bells in Wheeling, W. Va., and Little Rock, Ark., and handing naughty-looking tracts to giggling servant girls.... Baptist doctors of divinity calling upon John the Baptist and John D. Rockefeller to bear witness that the unducked will sweat in hell forevermore.... Methodist candidates for the sacred frock, sent out to preach trial sermons to backward churches in the mail-order belt, proving magnificently in one hour that Darwin was an ignoramus and Huxley a scoundrel.... Irish priests denouncing the Ku Klux Klan.... Rabbis denouncing Henry Ford.... Presbyterians denouncing Flo Zeigfeld.... Fashionable divines officiating at gaudy home weddings, their ears alert for the popping of corks.... Street evangelists in Zanesville, O., trying to convince a cop and five newsboys that no man will be saved unless he be born again.... Missionaries in smelly gospel-shops along the waterfront, expounding the doctrine of the atonement to boozy Norwegian sailors, half of them sound asleep.... Cadaverous high-church Episcopalians.... Little fat Lutherans with the air of prosperous cheese-mongers.... Dunkards with celluloid collars and no neckties.... Southern Methodists who still believe in slavery.... Former plumbers, threshing-machine engineers and horse-doctors turned into United Brethren bishops.... Missionaries collecting money from the mill children in Raleigh, N. C., to convert the Spaniards and Italians to Calvinism.... Episcopal archdeacons cultivating the broad English _a_.... Swedenborgians trying to explain the “Arcana Cœlestia” to flabbergasted newspaper reporters.... Polish clergymen leaping out of the windows at Polish weddings in Johnstown, Pa., hoping that the next half-dozen beer-bottles won’t hit them.... Methodists pulling wires for bishoprics.... Quakers foreclosing mortgages.... Baptists busy among the women.

3

_Bilder aus schöner Zeit_

The excellent lunch that the illustrious Crispi used to serve at Delmonico’s at five o’clock in the afternoon.... The incomparable orange blossom cocktails at Sherry’s, and the plates of salted nuts.... The tavern cocktails at the Beaux Arts, each with its dash of absinthe.... The Franziskaner Mai-Bock at Lüchow’s.... Dear old Sieg’s noble Rhine wines at the Kaiserhof.... The long-tailed clams and Spring onions at Rogers’, with Pilsner to wash them down.... The amazingly good American quasi-Pilsner, made by Herr Abner, on the Raleigh roof in Washington.... The Castel del Remy at the Brevoort, cheap but perfect.... The very dark Kulmbacher at the Pabst place in 125th street in the last days of civilization.... The burgundy from the Cresta Blanca vineyards in California.... Michelob on warm Summer evenings, with the crowd singing “Throw Out the Lifeline!”... The old-time Florestan cocktails--50 per cent. London gin, 25 per cent. French vermouth and 25 per cent. Martini-Rossi, with a dash of Angostura bitters--drink half, then drink a glass of beer, and then drink the other half.... That Hoboken red wine, so strangely smooth and lovely.... The bad red wine (but capital cooking) at the Frenchman’s in Lexington avenue.... Del Pezzo’s superb Chianti.... The ale at Keen’s.... Obst’s herrings, with Löwenbraü to slack them.... The astounding cocktail made by the head waiter at Henri’s.... Drinking Faust all night in St. Louis in 1904.... The musty ale at Losekam’s in Washington.... The draft _Helles_ at Krüger’s in Philadelphia.... A Pilsner luncheon at the old Grand Union, from one to six.... A stray bottle of perfect sauterne found in Rahway, New Jersey.... A wild night drinking Swedish punch and hot water.... Two or three hot Scotch nights.... Twenty or thirty Bass’ ale nights.... Five or six hundred Pilsner nights....

4

_The High Seas_

The kid who sits in the bucket of tar.... The buxom stewardess who comes in and inquires archly if one rang.... The humorous piano-tuner who tunes the grand piano in the music-room in the 15-16ths-tone scale.... The electric fan which, when a stray zephyr blows in through the porthole, makes a noise like a dentist’s drill.... The alien ship’s printer who, in the daily wireless paper, reports a baseball score of 165 to 3.... The free Christian Science literature in the reading-room.... The pens in the writing-room.... The elderly _Grosshändler_ with the young wife.... The red-haired girl in the green sweater.... The retired bootlegger disguised as a stockbroker.... The stockbroker disguised as a United States Senator.... The boy who climbs into the lifeboat.... The chief steward wearing the No. 18³⁄₄ collar.... The mysterious pipes that run along the stateroom ceilings.... The discovery that one forgot to pack enough undershirts.... The night watchman who raps on the door at 3.30 A. M. to deliver a wireless message reading “Sorry missed you. Bon voyage”.... The bartender who adds a dash of witchhazel to cocktails.... The wilting flowers standing in ice-pitchers and spittoons in the hallways.... The fight in the steerage.... The old lady who gets stewed and sends for the doctor.... The news that the ship is in Long. 43°, 41′, 16″ W, Lat. 40°, 23′, 39″ N.... The report that the starboard propeller has lost a blade.

5

_The Shrine of Mnemosyne_

The little town of Kirkwall, in the Orkney Islands, in a mid-Winter mist, flat and charming like a Japanese print.... San Francisco and the Golden Gate from the top of Twin Peaks.... Gibraltar on a Spring day, all in pastel shades, like the back-drop for a musical comedy.... My first view of the tropics, the palm-trees suddenly bulging out of the darkness of dawn, the tremendous stillness, the sweetly acid smell, the immeasurable strangeness.... The Trentino on a glorious morning, up from Verona to the Brenner Pass.... Central Germany from Bremen to Munich, all in one day, with the apple trees in bloom.... Copenhagen on a wild night, with the _Polizei_ combing the town for the American who upset the piano.... Christiania in January, with the snow-clad statue of Ibsen looming through the gloom like a ghost in a cellar.... The beach at Tybee Island, with the faint, blood-curdling rattle of the land-crabs.... Jacksonville after the fire in 1902, with the hick militiamen firing their machine-guns all night.... The first inauguration of Woodrow, and the pretty suffragette who drank beer with me at the Raleigh.... A child playing in the yard of a God-forsaken town in the Wyoming desert.... Bryan’s farewell speech at the St. Louis Convention in 1904.... Hampton Court on Chestnut Sunday.... A New Year’s Eve party on a Danish ship, 500 miles off the coast of Greenland.... The little pile of stones on the beach of Watling’s Island, marking the place where Columbus landed.... The moon of the Caribbees, seen from a 1000-ton British tramp.... A dull night in a Buffalo hotel, reading the American Revised Version of the New Testament.... The day I received the proofs of my first book.... A good-bye on an Hoboken pier.... The Palace Hotel in Madrid.

INDEX

Adams, Samuel, 118

Aggasiz, Alexander, 41

Allen, James Lane, 286

Americanism, 10

American Legion, 10, 38, 163, 195

Anglo-Saxon, 21 _ff._

Anti-Saloon League, 10, 88, 161, 183

Atherton, Gertrude, 21

Bach, Johann Sebastian, 117

Beck, James M., 9

Beers, Henry A., 12

Beethoven, Ludwig van, 240, 251, 263

Bennett, Arnold, 281

Benson, Admiral, 256

Bill of Rights, 99, 100, 226

Bismarck, Otto von, 117

Bonaparte, Charles J., 230

_Bookman_, 286, 292

Boyd, Ernest, 15

Boynton, Percy H., 14

Brahms, Johannes, 251

Brandeis, Louis D., 101

Brann, Otto, 292

Brook, Rupert, 292

Brooks, Van Wyck, 18

Brownell, Wm. C., 9, 14, 16

Browning, Robert, 118

Bryan, Wm. Jennings, 58, 60

Bryant, William Cullen, 16

Bush, Irving T., 214

Butler, Nicholas Murray, 170

Cabell, James Branch, 14, 18, 40, 284, 285

Cather, Willa, 285, 291

Chambers, Robert W., 286

Chaplin, Charlie, 261

Chicago _Literary Times_, 12

Civil Service Reform, 229

Churchill, Winston, 291

Clemens, Samuel L., 15, 17, 19, 138, 279, 280, 286

Cleveland, Grover, 69

Comstock, Anthony, 164

_Congressional Record_, 43, 53, 122

Conrad, Joseph, 141, 276, 281

Coolidge, Calvin, 15, 48, 193, 263

Cooper, James Fenimore, 16, 280

Crane, Frank, 41

Creel, George, 9, 256

Czolgosz, Leon, 185

Daniels, Josephus, 257

D’Annunzio, Gabrielle, 261

Dante, 106

Daugherty, Harry, 188, 193, 226

Davis, Richard Harding, 286

Dell, Floyd, 291

Denby, Edward, 184, 193

Dewey, George, 255

_Dial_, 12, 286, 292

Dos Passos, John, 284, 290

Doughty of Texas, 11 _ff._, 20

Dreiser, Theodore, 12, 17, 18, 21, 117, 285, 287 _ff._, 292

Edward VII, 273

Edwards, Jonathan, 126

Eliot, Charles W., 35, 37, 292

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 15, 17, 142, 280

Erskine, John, 14

Espionage Act, 87

Evans, Fighting Bob, 254

Fall, Albert B., 182

Fisk, James, 118, 280

Fitch, Clyde, 285

Ford, Henry, 50, 232

Frank, Waldo, 12

Froude, James Anthony, 205

Fuller, Henry B., 292

Fundamentalism, 28, 76

Garland, Hamlin, 286

Gherardi, Admiral, 255

Gladstone, Wm. Ewart, 117

God, 61 _ff._, 116, 240

Godfrey, Stuart, 151

Godkin, E. L., 230

Godwin, William, 220

Grant, Madison, 21

Grant, U. S., 36, 118

Griswold, Rufus W., 17

Guest, Edgar A., 41

Haeckel, Ernst, 65

Hawthorne, Nathaniel, 15, 17, 19, 280

Hergesheimer, Joseph, 285, 287, 291

Hillis, Newell Dwight, 9

Holland, J. G., 16

Holmes, Oliver Wendell, 101

Howe, E. W., 51

Howells, Wm. Dean, 279, 280

Huneker, James, 18, 287

Huxley, Aldous, 282

Huxley, Thomas Henry, 117

Ibsen, Henrik, 103, 105 _ff._, 118

Irving, Washington, 18, 19, 280

Irwin, Will H., 208

Jackson, Andrew, 118

Jackson, Stonewall, 118

James, Henry, 279, 280

Jefferson, Thomas, 226

Jews, 72, 77

Johnson, Samuel, 221

Justice, Department of, 10, 180, 186

Kipling, Rudyard, 281

Ku Klux Klan, 10, 14, 16, 28, 30, 37, 38, 82, 127, 195, 266, 268

Kun, Bela, 133

Lee, Robert E., 117

Lewis, Sinclair, 284, 290

_Little Review_, 12, 292

Lloyd-George, David, 24

Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth, 16

Lowell, Amy, 285

Lowell, James Russell, 16

Luther, Martin, 118

McDougall, William, 211

Manning, Wm. T., 126, 170

Mansfield, Richard, 66

Masefield, John, 281

Mather, Cotton, 126

Matthews, Brander, 14, 21

Melville, Herman, 19

Mendelssohn, Felix, 117, 246

Meredith, George, 281

Michigan, Sweet Singer of, 16

Mitchell, Donald G., 16

Moltke, Helmuth von, 118

Monroe, Harriet, 285

Moody, Dwight L., 260

More, Paul Elmer, 286

_Nation_, 12, 286

New York _Times_, 207, 286

Nietzsche, F. W., 107, 272, 280

Norris, Frank, 288

O’Neill, Eugene, 284, 287

Palmer, A. Mitchell, 9, 91, 226

Parthenon, 239

Pasteur, Louis, 118

Paul of Tarsus, 45

Phelps, Wm. Lyon, 18, 286

Poe, Edgar Allan, 15, 17, 19, 40, 280

Prohibition, 24, 28, 54, 85 _ff._, 158 _ff._

Rinehart, Mary Roberts, 286

Rockefeller, John D., 118, 296

Roosevelt, Theodore, 226, 230, 254

Sandburg, Carl, 12

Schley, Winfield S., 254

Schubert, Franz, 246, 248

Schurz, Carl, 118

_S4N_, 12

Shakespeare, Wm., 104, 178, 280

Shaw, George Bernard, 67, 281

Sherman, Wm. T., 118

Sigourney, Lydia, 16

Sims, Admiral, 256

Sinclair, May, 282

Sinclair, Upton, 149, 291

Straton, John Roach, 126

Strauss, Johann, 243

Sunday, Billy, 15

Tarkington, Booth, 292

Taylor, Bayard, 16

Texas, University of, 12, 14

Thomas, Augustus, 285

Tolstoi, Lyof, 118

Van Dyke, Henry, 18

Wagner, Cosima, 249

Wagner, Richard, 107, 114, 138, 248 _ff._

War, American Civil, 36, 233

War, Mexican, 36

War of 1812, 35

War, Revolutionary, 35

War, Spanish-American, 36

War, World, 36, 233

Warner, Charles Dudley, 16

Washington, George, 221

Wells, H. G., 207, 244, 281

Whitman, Walt, 15, 17, 19, 40, 41, 279

Whittier, John Greenleaf, 19

Willis, N. P., 16

Wilson, Woodrow, 70, 180, 202, 226

Yerkes, Charles E., 118

Transcriber’s Notes

Page 15: “surburban pastors” changed to “suburban pastors”

Page 123: “clinical themometer” changed to “clinical thermometer”

Page 135: “basicly almost indistinguishable” changed to “basically almost indistinguishable”

Page 180: “criminal statues” changed to “criminal statutes”

Page 282: “the Altantic” changed to “the Atlantic”

Page 295: “Stationary and Supplies” changed to “Stationery and Supplies”

In the index, “Poe, Edgar Allen” changed to “Poe, Edgar Allan”