CHAPTER VIII
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MARRIAGE.
54.—WAYS OF PROCURING A WIFE.
(1) We have already seen that a little girl may be betrothed very early. After she is grown up, even before she has attended the mysteries, she may go to live with her husband.
(2) If a man succeed a relative that possessed five wives, every one of these women passes over to him by inheritance.
(3) If a man make a raid on a neighbouring village, and carry off some girls, they will become his wives, unless redeemed.
(4) Another way of procuring a wife is simply by buying. Two skins of a buck is a fair price in the Mangoni country. Similarly wives may be paid over in settling debts.
(5) Young men are sometimes presented with wives by the masters or guardians of the latter.
(6) The case of wooing is treated below (56).
When a man’s wife dies he gives an offering to her spirit (cf. 41), and goes to seek another to fill her place. A wife whose husband is dead may not get another so quickly lest he should die also (82). There is nothing to prevent a man from marrying his sister-in-law; but no man may marry his sister, a fact that is brought out very distinctly in a common native conundrum, which might be rendered, “What is the fruit that you must not pluck, however sweet it may be?”
A couple may marry though they belong to different tribes, and can hardly communicate except by signs.
55.—RANKS AMONG WIVES.
As a rule a man has one wife that is free, while the other three or four are slaves. If he be the chief of a village his wife also gets the title of msyene wa musi, or “possessor of the village”. His other wives are not called slaves, but ladies of the harem (akusyeto), although their status is really that of slaves.
The chief wife is generally the woman that was married first. There may be exceptions. For instance, if the principal wife be betrothed in infancy to a full grown man, this man will take a female “to fill the place of the betrothed infant”.
After being married for a year or two the husband is almost expected to get junior wives. These the chief wife, as a matter of courtesy, calls her younger sisters (apwao).
We have seen instances, however, when a great strife arose on the introduction of the other wives, and where the chief wife would threaten a separation, and carry it out too. But these were instances rather of self-will than of conformity to the customs of the country. It is an object of common aspiration to be possessed of five wives.
The chief wife has the superintendence of the domestic and agricultural establishment. She keeps the others at their work, and has power to exercise discipline upon them. The punishment she inflicts for laziness is to banish junior wives from meals until hunger bring them to their senses. When a junior wife is very obstreperous her superior may put her in a slave stick. The authority of the chief wife is not a matter to jest with. I knew a case of a junior wife that had her infant child promptly put upon the fire by this terrible overseer.
When a man is severely pressed by some legal action and has to pay heavy fines, he begins by selling off his junior wives. When reduced to one wife he has reached the highest point of distress. His free wife he cannot sell, as she is under the protection of her surety (60).
_Plurality of Free Wives._
A man may procure more than one free wife, by inheriting an elder brother. In this case he may often become the possessor of another village, and thus his free wives need not come into collision. His late brother’s wife may live at her old home, at which her new husband will dwell on stated occasions; at other times he will live at his own village, where his other free wife continues to reside.
56.—ADULT MARRIAGE.
It is not easy to explain in a short form all the customs with reference to marriage. They are so different from what we are familiar with that, to make the description less tedious, we shall suppose a case of _adult marriage_, which may easily happen, notwithstanding the custom of betrothal, as a marriage here is not necessarily a union for life.
A man sees a young woman who has apparently no husband; he wishes this young woman to be his wife. He may talk to her privately, and ask her sentiments. If he be favourably received, he will tell his wishes to his surety (48)—this may be his father or uncle, or elder brother, or the chief of the village in which he lives. This step is very prudent, seeing that at marriage the man leaves his father and mother, leaves his own home and country, and goes to stay with his wife.
The woman takes no steps whatever, she returns to her home and says nothing—wonders whether the man is in earnest; by and by her suitor, after receiving the sanction of his surety, goes to the country of the woman and asks formally for her hand. The woman’s surety tells him to come back again, and meanwhile communicates with the woman. Next time the suitor comes, perhaps in a day or two, he engages his bride. She is at once his wife.
The man immediately leaves his own village and proceeds to build a house in the village of his wife. As soon as he has finished the door, and perhaps before the roof is on, she enters it and lives with him.
_Day of entering the house._
There is no ceremony on the day on which she enters the house (_lia kwinjila nyumba_). The elders may be present on this day, and a rich man may signalise it by having some beer; but the rule is that what would be the marriage day with Europeans, passes by without receiving any distinction. The woman simply enters the house that her husband has built at her father’s home, and takes with her, pots, baskets, a bed, and some flour to make their simple meal. The axe and hoe belong rather to the man’s outfit, although the woman will use them oftener than he. One of her first duties is to plaster their house.
57.—WOMAN’S KINGDOM.
The wife has the chief part of the hoeing and _cultivation_ of the soil. The husband cuts down trees and may also hoe with her if he have not many wives, in which case he has less occasion to work. She has also to go to the forest with her axe and cut _firewood_ (_ngwi_). The husband may go with her. It is interesting to meet a couple returning from a journey for firewood. The man goes first carrying his gun or bow and arrows, while the woman carries the invariable bundle of firewood on her head. Mrs. Macdonald used to amuse such parties by taking the wife’s load and putting it on the husband, telling him ‘this is the custom of our country’. It is also the wife’s duty to go to the field for the supply of beans, potatoes, or pumpkins.
One of the hardest parts of the woman’s work is the _pounding_ or milling of the corn. She breaks it down in a mortar by means of a large pestle, which is a weight in itself. The work is certainly hard and tedious, but results in the formation of a very fine flour.
She looks to her husband to find her in clothing. When her clothes are torn it is his duty to sew them, and a very serious thing it is for a husband to neglect this work. It may cause a separation. But he finds that her wardrobe is not expensive. If he can get calico at 3d. a-yard she will really cost little more than 2s. per annum. No wonder that she expects her husband to show her some little attention since she does so much for him. The wife may be described as performing nearly the whole of the ploughing and sowing, the whole of the reaping and ingathering of the crop, the whole of the milling, the whole of the brewing, and the whole of the cooking, including the carrying of fire and water.
When a woman has cooked her husband’s meal she does not sit down to enjoy it with him except they be quite alone. If they sit down together and a male stranger arrive she retires and takes her food apart, and he may do the same when a female comes to visit them (67).
58.—MARRIAGE CONTRACT (_chikulundine_).
We have seen that there is no marriage ceremony on the day that they enter their house (56), but sometime after, perhaps when they get the first produce of their new field, there is a meeting to lay down certain rules as to their behaviour in their new relationship (_kuwika chikulundine_). The wife’s surety comes to ‘settle’ her (_ne kuja angoswe kwatula alumbuwao_).
The young wife ‘cooks’ (_kuteleka_) or brews a great quantity of beer. Two pots are prepared for the surety or sureties of her husband, and two others for her own surety or sureties. Then there is a great feast at which these personages are present to offer their instructions. The sureties of the husband (_angoswe wa chilume_) may kill a cock, while the sureties of the wife (_angoswe wa chikongwe_) kill a laying hen. Very often a part of such fowls is carefully carried to an old surety that has not been able to come.
These marriage rules (_chikulundine_) prohibit the wife from adultery, and bind both parties to resort to the medicine man (_mchisango_) in case of sickness or misfortune.
In Deut. xxiv. 5, it is said, ‘When a man hath taken a new wife he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be chargeable with any business, but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife whom he has taken’. So certain Africans will not go on any warlike expedition or act as undertakers (34) when they have a young child.
59.—SEPARATION.
The husband and wife may separate if they can show some reason. The reasons for a separation are such as these: (1) If the wife commit _adultery_, for one offence she may get off with a reprimand, especially in the case of a poor man; but the repetition of the offence generally insures dismissal, if not death. If she be free, she goes back to her surety, if she be a slave, she will likely be sold.
(2) If either speak disrespectfully of the other’s friends there may be a separation.
(3) If a woman’s children all die her husband may leave her.
(4) Where the husband neglects to sew his wife’s clothes, or where the wife will not hoe diligently, there may be a divorce.
(5) In cases where they do not please each other, a separation may be arranged.
When they separate, the wife takes away the few domestic utensils which she brought with her, none of which are used by the man. If he gave her, occasionally, pieces of cloth to wear she does not pay them back, because she was the “cook of his porridge for him”.
In all separations, except for serious cases like adultery, the one party gives the other a token (_msimbo_), which may be cloth, arrow-heads, beads, or some such current money. The one that begins the strife (_juakutanda_), and is the cause of the separation, pays the other.
Very often a husband leaving his wife will give her a male slave, while a wife leaving her husband will give him a female slave.
_Marriage with Slaves._
If one of the parties be a slave to the other, the marriage bond is not so readily dissolved. Slave spouses must listen to the dictates of their partners, and where there is practically only one will there can be no collision. The free spouses when tired of their slave partners, or offended by them, can dispose of them just as in the case of other slaves.
We have known many cases of slave wives running away from husbands, but we have not known instances of slave husbands running away from free wives. We might think that where the wives have the upper hand in marriage relationships, there is not such a risk of strife as in the ordinary arrangement; only the proportion of free wives with slave husbands is small.
In no case can a woman, even if she possess many male slaves, have more than one husband. If a wife with a male slave marry a free husband, her male slave is discarded; and if again she should fancy another man, she must devise some reason for separating from this new husband. There can easily be found cases where it could be said to a woman, “thou hast had five husbands,” although they would not be contemporaneous.
The husband on the other hand may have as many wives as he can secure. Very generally the head of a village, instead of appropriating for himself every woman that he might have, gives over certain for his younger brothers or male slaves. A Yao Chief is content with ten to twenty wives. Some of the Magololo have 170.
I have been often asked how a man can _maintain_ the scores, and even hundreds of wives that Africans are allowed to have. The man finds no difficulty. The more wives he has, the richer he is. It is his wives that _maintain him_. They do all his ploughing, milling, cooking, &c. (51). They may be viewed as superior servants who combine all the capacities of male servants and female servants in Britain—who do all his work and ask no wages.
60.—PECULIAR POSITION OF A FREE WIFE.
In the case of a free wife the husband is not responsible for her debts, if he were so, it would go hard with her, as she might be sold off to pay a “legal action”. When a woman gets into trouble the accuser does not go to the husband at all, but to the surety (48). Suppose a woman is accused of theft, it is no matter for her husband. The accuser goes with some evidence before the surety. If the evidence be exceedingly little, no notice is taken, but if the accuser has a chance of incriminating the woman, the surety will call her, and she must respond, whether the husband be willing or not.
If she confess to the charge, her surety pays the fine. If she deny the charge, she will appeal to the poisoned cup (_mwai_). If she drink it and survive, she is innocent, and receives a fine which is paid, not to the husband, but to the surety. When the plaintiff has to pay three slaves, the surety will retain two of them, and out of kindness give one over to his relative whose life has been endangered by the ordeal; thus the accused woman has a kind of solatium. If she die, her guilt is proved: the plaintiff is entitled to restitution of the stolen goods or their value, and a fine as well. All this is paid by the surety; the husband has nothing to do in the matter except to observe the customary mourning (33) when she dies, but of course the unfortunate woman that dies of the poison is only entitled to mangled funeral rites (107).
_Family Relationships._
We may here mention the great difficulty we have at first in understanding their relationships. The modern European family is founded on marriage, but the time was, even in Europe, when it was founded as much on power. The single fact that families may be founded on other grounds than marriage will give the ordinary reader an idea of the difficulty. A native child sees nothing wonderful in claiming to have two or three fathers, and as many mothers. If a man have several younger brothers their children are called his sons, so are his own grandchildren. But the children of a sister are called his nephews. This naming fits very well with their system of inheritance (97). If a man have a brother and a sister, he is called one thing by the brother, but quite a different thing by the sister. Again, we cannot give a literal translation of “Joseph and his brethren”: we require to say “Joseph and his elder brethren and his younger brother”.
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