Part 22

They stood a while without speaking. The orchestra began playing the waltz from The Lilac Domino. Suddenly Ellen turned to Goldweiser and said in a curt tone. “Can you understand a woman who wants to be a harlot, a common tart, sometimes?”

“My dear young lady what a strange thing for a sweet lovely girl to suddenly come out and say.”

“I suppose you’re shocked.” She didnt hear his answer. She felt she was going to cry. She pressed her sharp nails into the palms of her hands, she held her breath until she had counted twenty. Then she said in a choking little girl’s voice, “Harry let’s go and dance a little.”

The sky above the cardboard buildings is a vault of beaten lead. It would be less raw if it would snow. Ellen finds a taxi on the corner of Seventh Avenue and lets herself sink back in the seat rubbing the numb gloved fingers of one hand against the palm of the other. “West Fiftyseventh, please.” Out of a sick mask of fatigue she watches fruitstores, signs, buildings being built, trucks, girls, messengerboys policemen through the jolting window. If I have my child, Stan’s child, it will grow up to jolt up Seventh Avenue under a sky of beaten lead that never snows watching fruitstores, signs, buildings being built, trucks, girls, messengerboys, policemen.... She presses her knees together sits up straight on the edge of the seat with her hands clasped over her slender belly. O God the rotten joke they’ve played on me, taking Stan away, burning him up, leaving me nothing but this growing in me that’s going to kill me. She’s whimpering into her numb hands. O God why wont it snow?

As she stands on the gray pavement fumbling in her purse for a bill, a dusteddy swirling scraps of paper along the gutter fills her mouth with grit. The elevatorman’s face is round ebony with ivory inlay. “Mrs. Staunton Wells?” “Yas ma’am eighth floor.”

The elevator hums as it soars. She stands looking at herself in the narrow mirror. Suddenly something recklessly gay goes through her. She rubs the dust off her face with a screwedup handkerchief, smiles at the elevatorman’s smile that’s wide as the full keyboard of a piano, and briskly rustles to the door of the apartment that a frilled maid opens. Inside it smells of tea and furs and flowers, women’s voices chirp to the clinking of cups like birds in an aviary. Glances flicker about her head as she goes into the room.

* * * * *

There was wine spilled on the tablecloth and bits of tomatosauce from the spaghetti. The restaurant was a steamy place with views of the Bay of Naples painted in soupy blues and greens on the walls. Ellen sat back in her chair from the round tableful of young men, watching the smoke from her cigarette crinkle spirally round the fat Chiantibottle in front of her. In her plate a slab of tricolor icecream melted forlornly. “But good God hasnt a man some rights? No, this industrial civilization forces us to seek a complete readjustment of government and social life ...”

“Doesnt he use long words?” Ellen whispered to Herf who sat beside her.

“He’s right all the same,” he growled back at her.... “The result has been to put more power in the hands of a few men than there has been in the history of the world since the horrible slave civilizations of Egypt and Mesopotamia....”

“Hear hear.”

“No but I’m serious.... The only way of bucking the interests is for working people, the proletariat, producers and consumers, anything you want to call them, to form unions and finally get so well organized that they can take over the whole government.”

“I think you’re entirely wrong, Martin, it’s the interests as you call em, these horrible capitalists, that have built up this country as we have it today.”

“Well look at it for God’s sake.... That’s what I’m saying. I wouldnt kennel a dog in it.”

“I dont think so. I admire this country.... It’s the only fatherland I’ve got.... And I think that all these downtrodden masses really want to be downtrodden, they’re not fit for anything else.... If they werent they’d be flourishing businessmen ... Those that are any good are getting to be.”

“But I don’t think a flourishing businessman is the highest ideal of human endeavor.”

“A whole lot higher than a rotten fiddleheaded anarchist agitator.... Those that arent crooks are crazy.”

“Look here Mead, you’ve just insulted something that you dont understand, that you know nothing about.... I cant allow you to do that.... You should try to understand things before you go round insulting them.”

“An insult to the intelligence that’s what it is all this socialistic drivel.”

Ellen tapped Herf on the sleeve. “Jimmy I’ve got to go home. Do you want to walk a little way with me?”

“Martin, will you settle for us? We’ve got to go.... Ellie you look terribly pale.”

“It’s just a little hot in here.... Whee, what a relief.... I hate arguments anyway. I never can think of anything to say.”

“That bunch does nothing but chew the rag night after night.”

Eighth Avenue was full of fog that caught at their throats. Lights bloomed dimly through it, faces loomed, glinted in silhouette and faded like a fish in a muddy aquarium.

“Feel better Ellie?”

“Lots.”

“I’m awfully glad.”

“Do you know you’re the only person around here who calls me Ellie. I like it.... Everybody tries to make me seem so grown up since I’ve been on the stage.”

“Stan used to.”

“Maybe that’s why I like it,” she said in a little trailing voice like a cry heard at night from far away along a beach.

Jimmy felt something clamping his throat. “Oh gosh things are rotten,” he said. “God I wish I could blame it all on capitalism the way Martin does.”

“It’s pleasant walking like this ... I love a fog.”

They walked on without speaking. Wheels rumbled through the muffling fog underlaid with the groping distant lowing of sirens and steamboat whistles on the river.

“But at least you have a career.... You like your work, you’re enormously successful,” said Herf at the corner of Fourteenth Street, and caught her arm as they crossed.

“Dont say that.... You really dont believe it. I dont kid myself as much as you think I do.”

“No but it’s so.”

“It used to be before I met Stan, before I loved him.... You see I was a crazy little stagestruck kid who got launched out in a lot of things I didnt understand before I had time to learn anything about life.... Married at eighteen and divorced at twentytwo’s a pretty good record.... But Stan was so wonderful....”

“I know.”

“Without ever saying anything he made me feel there were other things ... unbelievable things....”

“God I resent his craziness though.... It’s such a waste.”

“I cant talk about it.”

“Let’s not.”

“Jimmy you’re the only person left I can really talk to.”

“Dont want to trust me. I might go berserk on you too some day.”

They laughed.

“God I’m glad I’m not dead, arent you Ellie?”

“I dont know. Look here’s my place. I dont want you to come up.... I’m going right to bed. I feel miserably....” Jimmy stood with his hat off looking at her. She was fumbling in her purse for her key. “Look Jimmy I might as well tell you....” She went up to him and spoke fast with her face turned away pointing at him with the latchkey that caught the light of the streetlamp. The fog was like a tent round about them. “I’m going to have a baby.... Stan’s baby. I’m going to give up all this silly life and raise it. I dont care what happens.”

“O God that’s the bravest thing I ever heard of a woman doing.... Oh Ellie you’re so wonderful. God if I could only tell you what I....”

“Oh no.” Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m a silly fool, that’s all.” She screwed up her face like a little child and ran up the steps with the tears streaming down her face.

“Oh Ellie I want to say something to you ...”

The door closed behind her.

Jimmy Herf stood stockstill at the foot of the brownstone steps. His temples throbbed. He wanted to break the door down after her. He dropped on his knees and kissed the step where she had stood. The fog swirled and flickered with colors in confetti about him. Then the trumpet feeling ebbed and he was falling through a black manhole. He stood stockstill. A policeman’s ballbearing eyes searched his face as he passed, a stout blue column waving a nightstick. Then suddenly he clenched his fists and walked off. “O God everything is hellish,” he said aloud. He wiped the grit off his lips with his coatsleeve.

* * * * *

She puts her hand in his to jump out of the roadster as the ferry starts, “Thanks Larry,” and follows his tall ambling body out on the bow. A faint riverwind blows the dust and gasoline out of their nostrils. Through the pearly night the square frames of houses along the Drive opposite flicker like burnedout fireworks. The waves slap tinily against the shoving bow of the ferry. A hunchback with a violin is scratching Marianela.

“Nothing succeeds like success,” Larry is saying in a deep droning voice.

“Oh if you knew how little I cared about anything just now you wouldnt go on teasing me with all these words.... You know, marriage, success, love, they’re just words.”

“But they mean everything in the world to me.... I think you’d like it in Lima Elaine.... I waited until you were free, didnt I? And now here I am.”

“We’re none of us that ever.... But I’m just numb.” The riverwind is brackish. Along the viaduct above 125th Street cars crawl like beetles. As the ferry enters the slip they hear the squudge and rumble of wheels on asphalt.

“Well we’d better get back into the car, you wonderful creature Elaine.”

“After all day it’s exciting isnt it Larry, getting back into the center of things.”

* * * * *

Beside the smudged white door are two pushbuttons marked NIGHT BELL and DAY BELL. She rings with a shaky finger. A short broad man with a face like a rat and sleek black hair brushed straight back opens. Short dollhands the color of the flesh of a mushroom hang at his sides. He hunches his shoulders in a bow.

“Are you the lady? Come in.”

“Is this Dr. Abrahms?”

“Yes.... You are the lady my friend phoned me about. Sit down my dear lady.” The office smells of something like arnica. Her heart joggles desperately between her ribs.

“You understand ...” She hates the quaver in her voice; she’s going to faint. “You understand, Dr. Abrahms that it is absolutely necessary. I am getting a divorce from my husband and have to make my own living.”

“Very young, unhappily married ... I am sorry.” The doctor purrs softly as if to himself. He heaves a hissing sigh and suddenly looks in her eyes with black steel eyes like gimlets. “Do not be afraid, dear lady, it is a very simple operation.... Are you ready now?”

“Yes. It wont take very long will it? If I can pull myself together I have an engagement for tea at five.”

“You are a brave young lady. In an hour it will be forgotten.... I am sorry.... It is very sad such a thing is necessary.... Dear lady you should have a home and many children and a loving husband ... Will you go in the operating room and prepare yourself.... I work without an assistant.”

The bright searing bud of light swells in the center of the ceiling, sprays razorsharp nickel, enamel, a dazzling sharp glass case of sharp instruments. She takes off her hat and lets herself sink shuddering sick on a little enamel chair. Then she gets stiffly to her feet and undoes the band of her skirt.

The roar of the streets breaks like surf about a shell of throbbing agony. She watches the tilt of her leather hat, the powder, the rosed cheeks, the crimson lips that are a mask on her face. All the buttons of her gloves are buttoned. She raises her hand. “Taxi!” A fire engine roars past, a hosewagon with sweatyfaced men pulling on rubber coats, a clanging hookandladder. All the feeling in her fades with the dizzy fade of the siren. A wooden Indian, painted, with a hand raised at the streetcorner.

“Taxi!”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Drive to the Ritz.”

_Third Section_

I. Rejoicing City That Dwelt Carelessly

_There are flags on all the flagpoles up Fifth Avenue. In the shrill wind of history the great flags flap and tug at their lashings on the creaking goldknobbed poles up Fifth Avenue. The stars jiggle sedately against the slate sky, the red and white stripes writhe against the clouds._

_In the gale of brassbands and trampling horses and rumbling clatter of cannon, shadows like the shadows of claws grasp at the taut flags, the flags are hungry tongues licking twisting curling._

Oh it’s a long way to Tipperary ... Over there! Over there!

_The harbor is packed with zebrastriped skunkstriped piebald steamboats, the Narrows are choked with bullion, they’re piling gold sovereigns up to the ceilings in the Subtreasury. Dollars whine on the radio, all the cables tap out dollars._

There’s a long long trail awinding ... Over there! Over there!

_In the subway their eyes pop as they spell out_ APOCALYPSE, _typhus, cholera, shrapnel, insurrection, death in fire, death in water, death in hunger, death in mud._

_Oh it’s a long way to Madymosell from Armenteers, over there! The Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming. Down Fifth Avenue the bands blare for the Liberty Loan drive, for the Red Cross drive. Hospital ships sneak up the harbor and unload furtively at night in old docks in Jersey. Up Fifth Avenue the flags of the seventeen nations are flaring curling in the shrill hungry wind._

O the oak and the ash and the weeping willow tree And green grows the grass in God’s country.

_The great flags flap and tug at their lashings on the creaking goldknobbed poles up Fifth Avenue._

Captain James Merivale D.S.C. lay with his eyes closed while the barber’s padded fingers gently stroked his chin. The lather tickled his nostrils; he could smell bay rum, hear the drone of an electric vibrator, the snipping of scissors.

“A little face massage sir, get rid of a few of those blackheads sir,” burred the barber in his ear. The barber was bald and had a round blue chin.

“All right,” drawled Merivale, “go as far as you like. This is the first decent shave I’ve had since war was declared.”

“Just in from overseas, Captain?”

“Yare ... been making the world safe for democracy.”

The barber smothered his words under a hot towel. “A little lilac water Captain?”

“No dont put any of your damn lotions on me, just a little witchhazel or something antiseptic.”

The blond manicure girl had faintly beaded lashes; she looked up at him bewitchingly, her rosebud lips parted. “I guess you’ve just landed Captain.... My you’ve got a good tan.” He gave up his hand to her on the little white table. “It’s a long time Captain since anybody took care of these hands.”

“How can you tell?”

“Look how the cuticle’s grown.”

“We were too busy for anything like that. I’m a free man since eight o’clock that’s all.”

“Oh it must have been terr ... ible.”

“Oh it was a great little war while it lasted.”

“I’ll say it was ... And now you’re all through Captain?”

“Of course I keep my commission in the reserve corps.”

She gave his hand a last playful tap and he got to his feet.

He put tips into the soft palm of the barber and the hard palm of the colored boy who handed him his hat, and walked slowly up the white marble steps. On the landing was a mirror. Captain James Merivale stopped to look at Captain James Merivale. He was a tall straightfeatured young man with a slight heaviness under the chin. He wore a neat-fitting whipcord uniform picked out by the insignia of the Rainbow Division, well furnished with ribbons and service-stripes. The light of the mirror was reflected silvery on either calf of his puttees. He cleared his throat as he looked himself up and down. A young man in civilian clothes came up behind him.

“Hello James, all cleaned up?”

“You betcher.... Say isnt it a damn fool rule not letting us wear Sam Browne belts? Spoils the whole uniform....”

“They can take all their Sam Browne’s belts and hang them on the Commanding General’s fanny for all I care.... I’m a civilian.”

“You’re still an officer in the reserve corps, dont forget that.”

“They can take their reserve corps and shove it ten thousand miles up the creek. Let’s go have a drink.”

“I’ve got to go up and see the folks.” They had come out on Fortysecond Street. “Well so long James, I’m going to get so drunk ... Just imagine being free.” “So long Jerry, dont do anything I wouldnt do.”

Merivale walked west along Fortysecond. There were still flags out, drooping from windows, waggling lazily from poles in the September breeze. He looked in the shops as he walked along; flowers, women’s stockings, candy, shirts and neckties, dresses, colored draperies through glinting plateglass, beyond a stream of faces, men’s razorscraped faces, girls’ faces with rouged lips and powdered noses. It made him feel flushed and excited. He fidgeted when he got in the subway. “Look at the stripes that one has.... He’s a D.S.C.,” he heard a girl say to another. He got out at Seventysecond and walked with his chest stuck out down the too familiar brownstone street towards the river.

“How do you do, Captain Merivale,” said the elevator man.

“Well, are you out James?” cried his mother running into his arms.

He nodded and kissed her. She looked pale and wilted in her black dress. Maisie, also in black, came rustling tall and rosycheeked behind her. “It’s wonderful to find you both looking so well.”

“Of course we are ... as well as could be expected. My dear we’ve had a terrible time.... You’re the head of the family now, James.”

“Poor daddy ... to go off like that.”

“That was something you missed.... Thousands of people died of it in New York alone.”

He hugged Maisie with one arm and his mother with the other. Nobody spoke.

“Well,” said Merivale walking into the living room, “it was a great war while it lasted.” His mother and sister followed on his heels. He sat down in the leather chair and stretched out his polished legs. “You dont know how wonderful it is to get home.”

Mrs. Merivale drew up her chair close to his. “Now dear you just tell us all about it.”

* * * * *

In the dark of the stoop in front of the tenement door, he reaches for her and drags her to him. “Dont Bouy, dont; dont be rough.” His arms tighten like knotted cords round her back; her knees are trembling. His mouth is groping for her mouth along one cheekbone, down the side of her nose. She cant breathe with his lips probing her lips. “Oh I cant stand it.” He holds her away from him. She is staggering panting against the wall held up by his big hands.

“Nutten to worry about,” he whispers gently.

“I’ve got to go, it’s late.... I have to get up at six.”

“Well what time do you think I get up?”

“It’s mommer who might catch me....”

“Tell her to go to hell.”

“I will some day ... worse’n that ... if she dont quit pickin on me.” She takes hold of his stubbly cheeks and kisses him quickly on the mouth and has broken away from him and run up the four flights of grimy stairs.

The door is still on the latch. She strips off her dancing pumps and walks carefully through the kitchenette on aching feet. From the next room comes the wheezy doublebarreled snoring of her uncle and aunt. _Somebody loves me, I wonder who...._ The tune is all through her body, in the throb of her feet, in the tingling place on her back where he held her tight dancing with her. Anna you’ve got to forget it or you wont sleep. Anna you got to forget. Dishes on the tables set for breakfast jingle tingle hideously when she bumps against it.

“That you Anna?” comes a sleepy querulous voice from her mother’s bed.

“Went to get a drink o water mommer.” The old woman lets the breath out in a groan through her teeth, the bedsprings creak as she turns over. Asleep all the time.

_Somebody loves me, I wonder who._ She slips off her party dress and gets into her nightgown. Then she tiptoes to the closet to hang up the dress and at last slides between the covers little by little so the slats wont creak. _I wonder who._ Shuffle shuffle, bright lights, pink blobbing faces, grabbing arms, tense thighs, bouncing feet. _I wonder who._ Shuffle, droning saxophone tease, shuffle in time to the drum, trombone, clarinet. Feet, thighs, cheek to cheek, _Somebody loves me...._ Shuffle shuffle. _I wonder who._

* * * * *

The baby with tiny shut purplishpink face and fists lay asleep on the berth. Ellen was leaning over a black leather suitcase. Jimmy Herf in his shirtsleeves was looking out the porthole.

“Well there’s the statue of Liberty.... Ellie we ought to be out on deck.”

“It’ll be ages before we dock.... Go ahead up. I’ll come up with Martin in a minute.”

“Oh come ahead; we’ll put the baby’s stuff in the bag while we’re warping into the slip.”

They came out on deck into a dazzling September afternoon. The water was greenindigo. A steady wind kept sweeping coils of brown smoke and blobs of whitecotton steam off the high enormous blueindigo arch of sky. Against a sootsmudged horizon, tangled with barges, steamers, chimneys of powerplants, covered wharves, bridges, lower New York was a pink and white tapering pyramid cut slenderly out of cardboard.

“Ellie we ought to have Martin out so he can see.”

“And start yelling like a tugboat.... He’s better off where he is.”

They ducked under some ropes, slipped past the rattling steamwinch and out to the bow.

“God Ellie it’s the greatest sight in the world.... I never thought I’d ever come back, did you?”

“I had every intention of coming back.”

“Not like this.”

“No I dont suppose I did.”

“S’il vous plait madame ...”

A sailor was motioning them back. Ellen turned her face into the wind to get the coppery whisps of hair out of her eyes. “C’est beau, n’est-ce pas?” She smiled into the wind into the sailor’s red face.

“J’aime mieux Le Havre ... S’il vous plait madame.”

“Well I’ll go down and pack Martin up.”

The hard chug, chug of the tugboat coming alongside beat Jimmy’s answer out of her ears. She slipped away from him and went down to the cabin again.

They were wedged in the jam of people at the end of the gangplank.

“Look we could wait for a porter,” said Ellen.