Part 1

FASHIONS FOR MEN THE SWAN

[Illustration]

FASHIONS FOR MEN

AND

THE SWAN

TWO PLAYS BY FRANZ MOLNAR _Author of “Liliom”_

English Texts by Benjamin Glazer

BONI AND LIVERIGHT PUBLISHERS NEW YORK

FASHIONS FOR MEN

THE SWAN

_English Texts Copyright, 1922, by_ BENJAMIN GLAZER, N. Y.

_German Texts, Copyright, 1921, by_ M. BARD, VIENNA.

_CAUTION_—All persons are hereby warned that the plays published in this volume are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States and all foreign countries, and are subject to royalty, and anyone presenting any of said plays without the consent of the Author or his recognized agents, will be liable to the penalties by law provided. Applications for the acting rights of “Fashions for Men” must be made to the Modern Theatre Corporation, 17 East 45th Street, New York City.

_Printed in the United States of America_

_First printing, November, 1922._ _Second printing, November, 1923._ _Third printing, February, 1924._ _Fourth printing, May, 1924._ _Fifth printing, November, 1924._

As originally produced by Maurice S. Revnes, November, 1922, New York City.

_CAST OF CHARACTERS_

(In the order of their appearance)

_Peter Juhasz_ O. P. Heggie _Adele, his wife_ Beth Merrill _Aristocratic Lady_ Edythe Tressider _Oscar_ Clarke Silvernail _Unassuming Lady_ Frances Goodrich _Philip_ Frank Peters _Young Gentleman_ Fred Burton _Paula_ Helen Gahagan _Adolf_ George Frenger _The Count_ Edwin Nicander _Delivery Boy_ James Hagen _Domokos_ George Frenger _Santha_ Fred Barton _Mate_ Charles Ellis _Maid_ Sedonia Elin _Thorough Young Lady_ Katherine Haden _Dissatisfied Lady_ Frances Goodrich _Nervous Gentleman_ John Rogers _Old Gentleman_ James Hagen _Patient Lady_ Sedonia Elin _Cabman_ George Frenger

_Staged by_ MR. GLAZER _Settings by_ SHELDON K. VIELE _Stage Manager_ JAMES HAGEN

_Scenery painted by_ ROBERT W. BERGMAN _Costumes by_ ALINE BERNSTEIN _Act 1, built by_ THEODORE REISIG _Act 2, built by_ SAMUEL FRIEDMAN

_General Manager_ JOHN PETER TOOHEY

FASHIONS FOR MEN

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS

By FRANZ MOLNAR

English text by Benjamin Glazer

PERSONS

PETER JUHASZ ADELE, _his wife_. PAULA OSCAR PHILIP THE COUNT MATE DOMOKOS SANTHA ADOLF A DELIVERY BOY A CABMAN THE ARISTOCRATIC LADY THE UNASSUMING LADY THE INSIGNIFICANT LADY THE DISSATISFIED LADY THE PATIENT LADY THE THOROUGH YOUNG LADY THE YOUNG GENTLEMAN THE OLD GENTLEMAN THE NERVOUS GENTLEMAN

ACT ONE

ACT ONE

SCENE—_A little shop. Down left is the display window; up left the entrance from the street; between the two a cashier’s desk with a cash register upon it. There is a counter along the back wall and another along the right wall with shelves behind them and, over them, a little balcony._

_A broad space between the counters leads through an archway up right to a rear room of the establishment. Before the window down left stands a table, displaying open boxes of cravats, suspenders, ladies’ girdles, colored scarfs and bottles of perfume. Near it stands a rack of walking-sticks. There are two stools in front of each counter._

_It is evening. ADELE sits behind the cashier’s desk. OSCAR stands behind the counter at back speaking in low tones to the UNASSUMING LADY, who sits on a stool facing him across a heap of merchandise on the counter. JUHASZ stands in front of the counter at right, waiting on the ARISTOCRATIC LADY, who sits on one of the stools with an assortment of summer-weight material for blouses before her._

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—If I remember rightly, Mr. Juhasz, I saw some of this on Countess Hohensperg at Tatralomnicz.

JUHASZ—That may be. I must look it up in the book. [_To ADELE._] Tell me, dear. [_Shows her the material._] Is this the same Agreable we sold to the Countess Hohensperg a few months ago?

ADELE—It may be. I am not sure.

OSCAR—[_To the UNASSUMING LADY._] Excuse me, madame. [_Loudly to JUHASZ._] Yes, the Countess Hohensperg got some of that....

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—I thought so.

OSCAR—Yes, madame, this Chatterton Agreable comes in twelve different colors. The countess took five.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—Then, of course, I can’t consider it. I am really sorry to give you so much trouble, Mr. Juhasz.

JUHASZ—But it is no trouble at all.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—You are perfectly charming, Mr. Juhasz. Just as if you had been born to cater to the caprices of women. You never lose patience——

JUHASZ—[_Clearing away the materials._] But that’s what we are here for, madame.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—[_Rummaging through the materials._] This is nice, but it isn’t becoming to me. This is for a bigger woman ... this for a thinner woman ... this is too youthful ... and this is too old. This is nice, but it’s a bit loud ... and this is too dull. Now this is very nice indeed, but Countess Hohensperg has it. So it is out of the question.

JUHASZ—Suppose we let the Agreable go, and look at some Biarritz instead. The fact is, I consider Biarritz a much better grade. It is kept back here. Will you step this way, or shall I bring it out to you here?

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—[_Rises._] I wouldn’t think of putting you to so much trouble. You have turned out half your stock for me already. [_Turns to ADELE._] Your wife must be impatient to go home.

ADELE—Not at all.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—It’s past seven. You are usually closed by this time.

ADELE—Oh, we are very glad to serve you. [_Points to OSCAR._] There, you see ... and there is still another customer in there.

OSCAR—[_Has approached JUHASZ._] The lady heard us mention the Agreable that Countess Hohensperg——

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—Quite out of the question!

OSCAR—No, no—[_Low._] The lady heard us talking about it [_meantime JUHASZ has gone over to the UNASSUMING LADY_] and wants to have a look at it. [_Takes the material with a pitying smile._] Thank you. She’s from a different social sphere.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—One would never believe that people could be such apes.

JUHASZ—[_In the archway._] If you will step this way, please.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—I shan’t detain him much longer, Mrs. Juhasz. [_JUHASZ lets her past him, then follows her off through the archway._]

UNASSUMING LADY—I’ll take this for the sixth.

OSCAR—[_Counting the patterns._] One, two, three, four, five and the Agreable makes six.

UNASSUMING LADY—Will it take long?

OSCAR—No, indeed, madame. We know that madame goes to Lelle on the twentieth, and from there to Lake Pusztaban, and later to Post Berettyo—Saint Peter. [_The UNASSUMING LADY rises._] Is there anything else I can show you? We have just got in some very beautiful girdles. [_Reaches for a box on the table._]

UNASSUMING LADY—Thank you, but it’s too late now.

OSCAR—But, madame, that’s what we are here for. [_Shows her a bonnet._] Auto bonnets ... just arrived ... really the newest thing of its kind.

UNASSUMING LADY—[_Takes it in her hand._] I shall be coming in again toward the end of next week.... How much is this?

OSCAR—May I see? [_Looks at the tag._] Seventy kronen.

UNASSUMING LADY—For this?

OSCAR—It’s the style that costs, madame. We have some cheaper ones ... some between forty and fifty.

UNASSUMING LADY—Thanks.... Next time I come, perhaps. You have my address?

OSCAR—[_Rapidly._] Forty Nagykorona Street, first floor, apartment two.

UNASSUMING LADY—That’s right. Now please see to it that my things are delivered on time. Good night.

OSCAR—[_Opens the door for her._] You can rely on us absolutely. Thank you. Good night. [_She exits. He closes the door behind her and returns to his counter. As he speaks he clears away the materials, folds up those he sold and makes notes on the tags._] A couple of evening stars ... those two ... always popping up just as we are about to close ... and it’s almost impossible to get rid of them.

ADELE—Philip is still busy with a customer, too.

OSCAR—[_Glances through the archway._] And your husband is just starting to climb the ladder. [_Looks at his watch._] This is a nice time. [_ADELE takes her hat out of the lowest drawer of the desk._] What are you doing?

ADELE—Getting my hat.

OSCAR—[_Excitedly._] But, my dear, where do you expect to talk to him?

ADELE—Now don’t get excited.... And I told you before you are not to call me dear in the shop.

OSCAR—[_With a glance through the archway._] He can’t hear me. He’s up on the ladder. And no matter if he does hear me to-day. You are not going home with him, are you?

ADELE—No; I’m only getting my hat.

OSCAR—You settle everything with him right here ... in the shop.

ADELE—All right! All right! [_Takes off her hat._]

OSCAR—[_Excitedly._] I won’t have you go home with him any more.

ADELE—Don’t get so excited. I’ll talk to him right here. But I have to wait until the customers are gone, haven’t I?

OSCAR—Yes, certainly. [_Nervously resumes his task of clearing the counter._] Forgive me, dear, but I’m awfully nervous. And no wonder.

ADELE—I’m nervous, too. But I control myself.

OSCAR—I’ll be right near you, and if you need me I’ll come over. The main thing is to keep cool. Now, of all times, you must be cool.

ADELE—Leave everything to me. If I need you I’ll call you in.

OSCAR—That’s right! That’s right! There’s only one thing I want to impress upon you. No scandal.

ADELE—He’d never make a scandal.

OSCAR—And you have no business going to his house after this. When you leave here to-day there is only one place for you to go: your mother’s house.

ADELE—Now, dear, you’re getting excited again.

OSCAR—How can you expect me to be calm? I stand at the turning point of my life. And I’m subject to heart attacks. It runs in our family. I have to be very careful.... And yet, my God ... [_stops his work_] when I think that to-night ... this ordinary spring night ... this commonplace Thursday evening ... you are to be mine ... definitely and forever ... mine ... body and soul.... Come here!

ADELE—Be careful.

OSCAR—Come here, come here!

ADELE—[_Goes to him._] There now, you are getting all excited again.

OSCAR—Only your hand, your hand ... for a moment.

ADELE—But Oscar!

OSCAR—Your hand! You know I’ve got heart trouble! [_She gives him her hand. He takes it, looks cautiously through the archway, then speaks, softly but passionately._] Mine! My own wife! Before all the world! And together we begin a new and wonderful life. To-night I lead you forth from your prison.... Don’t take your hand away! I won’t have you take your hand away!

ADELE—[_Leaves him; returns to her desk._] You must behave yourself, Oscar, or you’ll make me nervous, too.

OSCAR—Your hand, your hand, your mouth....

ADELE—But, Oscar!... You know I need all my wits just now. Clear away that Zephir.

OSCAR—Clear away, clear away! Now, when I want to explode, I must clear a lot of Zephir away! [_Gazes at her adoringly._] When I think, you sweet, slender, white.... [_He looks quickly toward the archway, as if he heard something there. His voice changes suddenly._] Forty Nagykorona Street, apartment two. [_He writes on a tag._] First floor. Madame Aurel Szelenyi. [_PHILIP and the YOUNG GENTLEMAN enter through the archway._]

PHILIP—This way, Baron. [_Comes in before him._]

YOUNG GENTLEMAN—Can you still send it to-day?

PHILIP—[_At the cashier’s desk._] If you must have it, sir.

YOUNG GENTLEMAN—[_At the cashier’s desk._] As soon as you can, please.

PHILIP—[_To ADELE._] Three hundred and eighty-eight kronen. [_The YOUNG GENTLEMAN gives her a banknote._]

ADELE—[_Rings the cash register, makes change._] Three hundred and eighty-eight ... twelve ... makes four hundred. Thank you, sir.

YOUNG GENTLEMAN—You have the address?

OSCAR—[_In a sing-song tone._] Thirty-two Museum Street, second floor.

YOUNG GENTLEMAN—[_Staring in surprise at OSCAR._] That’s right. Good day.

OSCAR—[_Hurries to open the door for him._] Good night, sir.

YOUNG GENTLEMAN—Good night. [_He exits, pauses a moment outside the window, then passes on._]

PHILIP—Thank you, sir. Good night. [_A brief pause._]

OSCAR—Now if that pest of a woman would only go.... [_To PHILIP._] Philip, clear those rags away, will you? [_He points to the materials on the counter at right. PHILIP obeys._]

ADELE—Didn’t I hear Philip say he had a ticket for Lohengrin to-night?

OSCAR—[_As he goes up toward the archway._] For what?

ADELE—For the opera.

PHILIP—[_Already working at the counter._] That makes no difference.

OSCAR—It doesn’t begin till seven-thirty. [_He exits through the archway. There is a brief pause._]

PHILIP—It begins at seven, but it doesn’t matter.

ADELE—Leave that stuff, Philip, and run along to your opera.

PHILIP—Oh, it’s all the same to me now. I’ve been to Lohengrin sixteen times and was late every time. To-night I’ll be late for the seventeenth time.

ADELE—Leave that, then, and go, why don’t you?

PHILIP—Oh, I might as well be an hour late now. I know all of Lohengrin by heart. The only reason I accept tickets for it any more is because I’ve never succeeded in seeing the beginning. The part where the swan comes on the stage, pulling Lohengrin in a boat. I’d like to see that just once. But it’s too late now. The swan’s all through by this time, and has gone home for his supper. [_Continues to fold and put away the materials._]

ADELE—My husband will clear that away. Don’t be so obstinate.

PHILIP—You seem very eager to get rid of me to-night.

ADELE—I don’t know what makes you think that.

PHILIP—Just things I’ve noticed.

ADELE—What have you noticed?

PHILIP—Maybe I had better keep my mouth shut.

ADELE—That’s always a good idea. And yet, as long as you mentioned it——

PHILIP—Please, please.... I don’t want to know. Just leave me out of it.

ADELE—Out of what?

PHILIP—Out of what’s going on around here. I’m just a lonesome old man——

ADELE—You are a hateful old man. [_Wrathfully._] You hate Oscar because he is the heart and soul of the business, because he is young, and clever, and has nice manners, and knows the business better than you do, and because the customers like him better. You are jealous of him.

PHILIP—I consider Mr. Oscar a very ordinary young man.

ADELE—And I admire his type very much!

PHILIP—His kind must live, too, I suppose. [_JUHASZ and the ARISTOCRATIC LADY enter through the archway._]

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—No, your Biarritz won’t do. I wonder you keep that grade of material at all.

JUHASZ—Perhaps madame will be good enough to come in again next week. We are expecting an entirely new lot from Vienna. We are certain to find something you like.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—[_Goes to the cashier’s desk._] Your patience is endless, Mr. Juhasz.

JUHASZ—Patience is a merchant’s first duty.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—You are an angel. A perfect angel! [_To ADELE._] I hope you don’t mind my paying your husband compliments.

ADELE—Indeed, no.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—I daresay you are used to it. Everybody adores Mr. Juhasz.

ADELE—Oh, madame!

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—You are a very fortunate young woman to have such a husband.

JUHASZ—It’s I who am fortunate, madame, to have such a devoted little wife. The poor darling sits here every day from early morning till late at night.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—Has the count been here lately?

ADELE—Our benefactor?

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—The guardian angel of the establishment.

JUHASZ—He was here the day before yesterday.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—How is he?

ADELE—In love with my husband.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—You mustn’t joke about that, young lady. Everybody loves your husband but his heart is for you alone. Good night, Mr. Angel.... I shall look at that Biarritz again in the daylight and that ... what do you call it ... too.

PHILIP—[_Angry, but sweetly._] Agreable.

ARISTOCRATIC LADY—Agreable. Well, good night.

ADELE AND JUHASZ—[_Simultaneously._] Good night. [_The ARISTOCRATIC LADY exits._]

JUHASZ—[_Closing the door._] Why didn’t you say good night, Philip?

PHILIP—[_Resentfully._] Good night, madame.

JUHASZ—Well, well. [_To ADELE._] What a handsome woman she is!

PHILIP—She’s been handsome a long time now. And she owes more than she’s worth. You are the only merchant in town who gives her credit any more. You just let her haul the stuff out of here as if it didn’t cost you anything.

JUHASZ—What can she do, poor woman? She’s got to keep up her social position.

PHILIP—But not with your money.

JUHASZ—Aristocratic poverty is the bitterest kind. I haven’t the heart to refuse her.

ADELE—Philip is in a temper because he has missed the swan again.

JUHASZ—[_Looks at his watch._] Did you have a ticket for Lohengrin again?

PHILIP—Yes, and I’ve still got it.

JUHASZ—Why didn’t you tell me? You know I’d have let you off at six-thirty. That really makes me angry. I told you long ago——

PHILIP—Because you’re good-hearted there’s no need for me to——

JUHASZ—There goes my heart again. You all talk about my heart as if it were some prima donna.... You leave my heart alone.

PHILIP—[_Mocking the ARISTOCRATIC LADY’S tone._] Everybody adores Mr. Juhasz!

JUHASZ—Go on now. What are you waiting for?

PHILIP—Thanks, but I shan’t go at all to-night. [_He exits through the archway. There is a pause._]

JUHASZ—What’s wrong with him to-night?

ADELE—I don’t know, and I really don’t care.

JUHASZ—Why, Adele!

ADELE—[_Comes out from behind the desk._] Don’t be angry, Peter. I am a bit upset to-night. I’ve come to a very important decision ... and I feel ... I must tell you about it to-day.

JUHASZ—My dear child ... I didn’t think you had a care in the world.

ADELE—Yes, I have.... But you are so good ... so much better than anyone else.... I hardly know how to begin. It’s terribly hard to tell you!

JUHASZ—Hard? To tell me? There, put on your things ... and you can tell me all about it on the way home. Or while we are at supper.

ADELE—No, Peter, I can’t tell you on the way home ... or at supper either. This is something I must tell you here.

JUHASZ—Here and nowhere else?

ADELE—Here ... and now.

JUHASZ—Urgent as all that! [_Calls through the archway._] Adolf, we’ll close up now.

ADELE—You will understand ... when I’ve told you ... that [_PAULA enters through the archway, a sheaf of letters and invoices in her hand._]

PAULA—May I interrupt a moment, Mrs. Juhasz?

ADELE—Certainly.

PAULA—Semlinger and Weiss have written about those motor robes again ... the leather-bound ones. They say they are holding two dozen for us.

ADELE—[_Uneasily._] Let me see. [_She takes the letter._]

JUHASZ—Didn’t you answer them last week?

PAULA—Mrs. Juhasz thought we might wait awhile.

ADELE—How dare you say such a thing?

JUHASZ—But, my dear....

PAULA—[_Coldly._] Mrs. Juhasz instructed me not to answer it.

JUHASZ—If Miss Paula says you....

ADELE—I suppose she _can’t_ be mistaken.

PAULA—I usually am not.

ADELE—What do I care about your old motor robes? [_Throws the letter away._] I have nothing to do with it. [_Walks away from them._]

JUHASZ—[_Picks up the letter._] My wife’s a bit nervous to-night. Write Semlinger and Weiss, Miss Paula, that we’ll take the whole two dozen. [_Gives her the letter; looks at his watch._] But do it in the morning. Go home now. To-morrow is another day.

PAULA—Thanks, Mr. Juhasz, but I don’t like to go home while there is work unfinished.

JUHASZ—Miss Paula, I’ve warned you before ... you’ll ruin your eyes if you are not careful.

PAULA—No fear, Mr. Juhasz.... There was something about waterproof coats, too, in their first letter. I must look it up. [_She exits through the archway._]

JUHASZ—How thorough she is, how orderly!

ADELE—That’s what she’s paid for. You only see the good side of people.

JUHASZ—I think that must be the only side they show me. [_ADOLF enters through the archway, carrying a long pole with a hook on the end of it._] Close up, Adolf; close up. It’s half past seven. [_ADOLF goes to the door._] Sit down a moment, Adele. [_To ADOLF._] Pull it down. We’ll go out the back way. [_To ADELE._] You are a bit agitated. [_ADOLF has gone outside. First he closes the bronze shutter at the window, then he begins to pull down the iron grating at the door. When it is half way down he is interrupted._]

COUNT—[_Outside._] Ho, there! Wait a minute! [_He dodges under the half closed grating and enters._]

JUHASZ—[_Joyfully._] The count! Good evening, } excellency. } } COUNT—Good evening! Good evening! } [_Simultaneously._] } ADELE—[_Bowing low._] Good evening, your } excellency. }

COUNT—Tell me, do you lock all your customers out like this?

JUHASZ—If we had known, your excellency. [_To ADOLF._] Raise it up. [_ADOLF raises the grating and exits through the archway._]

COUNT—I’ve come to see about those jockey costumes, Juhasz.

JUHASZ—But they were to be sent by post to-morrow.

COUNT—I know, Juhasz, but I’m driving down to the farm to-night ... and I want to take one costume with me ... to show to my brother-in-law before the Vienna races.

JUHASZ—The suits are finished, but I’ll have to telephone the cap-maker about the caps. Just a moment. [_He hurries off through the archway._]

ADELE—Won’t you sit down, your excellency?

COUNT—Thanks. I’m going in a moment. What’s new?

ADELE—Nothing ... much, your excellency.

COUNT—How’s business?

ADELE—Well....

COUNT—What? Not good?

ADELE—Not as good as it might be.... Your excellency has been so generous to us.... I feel I ought to tell you frankly ... it’s quite bad.

COUNT—Why?

ADELE—There is no accounting for it. For two years business was splendid, and now, in the third year, it suddenly stopped. It just won’t go.

COUNT—But my whole family deals here ... and all my friends ... and all my acquaintances.

ADELE—Oh, yes, your excellency. We have you to thank for everything. Not only for setting us up in business, but for getting us most of our customers.

COUNT—I trust that Juhasz isn’t going into debt. [_She nods in the affirmative._] I daresay he gives his neckties away for nothing. That’s why you are losing money.

ADELE—He’d give the whole shop away, if it were left to him.

COUNT—He had the same weakness when he worked for me. Anybody could get anything out of him.

ADELE—It’s largely his fault.

COUNT—And what about that young man you praised to me so highly? He was supposed to be a genius. A commercial genius. This ... what’s his name?... Oscar ... wasn’t it?

ADELE—Oh, he does all he can, and so do I, but——

COUNT—And that nice Miss Paula ... she’s an industrious girl, what?

ADELE—Your excellency’s favorite.

COUNT—I am enchanted with her. [_Paula enters through the archway, with letters in her hand._]

PAULA—[_With a low bow._] Good evening, your excellency.

COUNT—Good evening. I was just talking about you.

PAULA—Very good of you. Excuse me. [_To ADELE._] I was not mistaken, Mrs. Juhasz. Semlinger and Weiss offered us also twenty waterproof coats. We have never given them an answer. [_Proffers the letter._]

ADELE—[_Impatiently._] Show it to Mr. Oscar.

PAULA—I did. He referred me to you.

ADELE—[_Crossly._] We don’t want any waterproof coats.

COUNT—Why not? They are very useful things. They keep the rain out.

ADELE—If your excellency would like to order one——

COUNT—Oh, indeed, no! I can’t bear waterproof coats. [_Looks at Paula._] Miss Paula is smiling.... Doubtless she’s fond of waterproof coats.

PAULA—I beg pardon.

COUNT—Why _did_ you smile then? Just making fun of the old man?

PAULA—Old man?... Oh!

COUNT—Well, not exactly old.

PAULA—I smiled because your excellency has such an aversion for waterproof coats. But I never thought of you as old.

ADELE—You may go, Miss Paula. [_Paula bows to the count and exits through the archway._]

COUNTs—[_His glance follows her._] Why are you so severe with that nice young girl?

ADELE—She is a bit forward.

COUNT—Not at all.

ADELE—She is deceitful. I can’t bear her. Ordinarily she is very glum and serious, but when your excellency puts your foot in the door she suddenly becomes brisk and cheerful.

COUNT—Really? I am flattered.

JUHASZ—[_Comes through the archway, carrying a jockey suit of brown silk striped in green._] I can’t get the cap-maker on the wire. Oscar is trying again. But here is the jockey suit.

COUNT—[_Adjusts his glass._] Yes, this will do very well. Will you wrap it up for me, Juhasz? [_Returns the suit to him._]