Part 3
CASTI-PIANI. Toms and Harries don't patronize Oikonomopulos of Cairo. His custom consists of Scottish lords, Russian dignitaries, Indian governors, and our jolly Rhineland captains of industry. I must only guarantee that you speak French. With your gift for languages you'll quickly enough learn as much English, besides, as you'll need to get on with. And you'll reside in a royally furnished apartment with an outlook on the minarets of the El Azhar Mosque, and walk around all day on Persian carpets as thick as your fist, and dress every evening in a fabulous Paris gown and drink as much champagne as your customers can pay for, and, finally, you'll even remain, up to a certain point, your own mistress. If the man doesn't please you, you needn't bring him any reciprocal feelings. Just let him give in his card, and then--(_Shrugs, and snaps his fingers._) If the ladies didn't get used to that the whole business would be simply impossible, because every one after the first four weeks would go headlong to the devil.
LULU. (_Her voice shaking._) I do believe that since yesterday you've got a screw loose somewhere. Am I to understand that the Egyptian will pay fifteen hundred francs for a person whom he's never seen?
CASTI-PIANI. I took the liberty of sending him your pictures.
LULU. Those pictures that I gave you, you've sent to him?
CASTI-PIANI. You see he can value them better than I. The picture in which you stand before the mirror as Eve he'll probably hang up at the house-door, after you've got there.... And then there's one thing more for you to notice: with Oikonomopulos in Cairo you'll be safer from your blood-hounds than if you crept into a Canadian wilderness. It isn't so easy to transport an Egyptian courtesan to a German prison,--first, on account of the mere expense, and second, from fear of coming too close to eternal Justice.
LULU. (_Proudly, in a clear voice._) What's your eternal Justice to do with me! You can see as plain as your five fingers I shan't let myself be locked up in any such amusement-place!
CASTI-PIANI. Then do you want me to whistle for the policeman?
LULU. (_In wonder._) Why don't you simply ask me for twelve hundred marks, if you want the money?
CASTI-PIANI. I want for no money! And I also don't ask for it because you're dead broke.
LULU. We still have thirty thousand marks.
CASTI-PIANI. In Jungfrau-stock! I never have anything to do with stock. The Attorney-General pays in the national currency, and Oikonomopulos pays in English gold. You can be on board early to-morrow. The passage doesn't last much more than five days. In two weeks at most you're in safety. Here you are nearer to prison than anywhere. It's a wonder which I, as one of the secret police, cannot understand, that you two have been able to live for a full year unmolested. But just as I came on the track of your antecedents, so any day, with your mighty consumption of men, one of my colleagues may make the happy discovery. Then I may just wipe my mouth, and you spend in prison the most enjoyable years of your life. If you will kindly decide quickly. The train goes at 12.30. If we haven't struck a bargain before eleven, I whistle up the policeman. If we have, I pack you, just as you stand, into a carriage, drive you to the station, and to-morrow escort you on board ship.
LULU. But is it possible you can be serious in all this?
CASTI-PIANI. Don't you understand that I can act now only for your bodily rescue?
LULU. I'll go with you to America or to China, but I can't let myself be sold of my own accord! That is worse than prison!
CASTI-PIANI. (_Drawing a letter from his pocket._) Just read this effusion! I'll read it to you. Here's the postmark "Cairo," so you won't believe I work with forged documents. The girl is a Berliner, was married two years and to a man whom you would have envied her, a former comrade of mine. He travels now for the Hamburg Colonial Company....
LULU. (_Merrily._) Then perhaps he *visits* his wife occasionally?
CASTI-PIANI. That is not incredible. But hear this impulsive expression of her feelings. My white-slave traffic seems to me absolutely no more honorable than the very best judge would tax it with being, but a cry of joy like this lets me feel a certain moral satisfaction for a moment. I am proud to earn my money by scattering happiness with full hands. (_Reads._) "Dear Mr. Meyer"--that's my name as a white-slave trader--"when you go to Berlin, please go right away to the conservatory on the Potsdamer Strasse and ask for Gusti von Rosenkron--the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen in nature--delightful hands and feet, naturally small waist, straight back, full body, big eyes and short nose--just the sort you like best. I have written to her already. She has no prospects with her singing. Her mother hasn't a penny. Sorry she's already twenty-two, but she's pining for love. Can't marry, because absolutely without means. I have spoken with Madame. They'd like to take another German, if she's well educated and musical. Italians and Frenchwomen can't compete with us, 'cause of too little culture. If you should see Fritz"--Fritz is the husband; he's getting a divorce, of course,--"tell him it was all a bore. He didn't know any better, nor did I either." Now come the exact details--
LULU. (_Goaded._) I can not sell the only thing that ever was my own!
CASTI-PIANI. Let me read some more.
LULU. (_As before._) This very evening, I'll hand over to you our entire wealth.
CASTI-PIANI. Believe me, for God's sake, I've *got* your last red cent! If we haven't left this house before eleven, you and your lot will be transported to-morrow in a police-car to Germany.
LULU. You *can't* give me up!
CASTI-PIANI. Do you think that would be the worst thing I can have done in my life?... I must, in case we go to-night, have just a brief word with Bianetta. (_He goes into the card-room, leaving the door open behind him. Lulu stares before her, mechanically crumpling up the note that Rodrigo stuck into her hand, which she has held in her fingers thruout the dialog. Alva, behind the card-table, gets up, a bill in his hand, and comes into the salon._)
ALVA. (_To Lulu._) Brilliantly! It's going brilliantly! Geschwitz is wagering her last shirt. Puntschu has promised me ten more Jungfrau-shares. Steinherz is making her little gains and profits. (_Exit, lower right._)
LULU. I in a bordell?--(_She reads the paper she holds, and laughs madly._)
ALVA. (_Coming back with a cash-box in his hand._) Aren't you going to play, too?
LULU. Oh, yes, surely--why not?
ALVA. By the way, it's in the Berliner Tageblatt to-day that Alfred Hugenberg has hurled himself over the stairs in prison.
LULU. Is he too in prison?
ALVA. Only in a sort of house of detention. (_Exit, rear. Lulu is about to follow, but Countess Geschwitz meets her in the door-way._)
GESCHWITZ. You are going because I come?
LULU. (_Resolutely._) No, God knows. But when you come then I go.
GESCHWITZ. You have defrauded me of all the good things of this world that I still possessed. You might at the very least preserve the outward forms of politeness in your intercourse with me.
LULU. (_As before._) I am as polite to you as to any other woman. I only beg you to be equally so to me.
GESCHWITZ. Have you forgotten the passionate endearments by which, while we lay together in the hospital, you seduced me into letting myself be locked into prison for you?
LULU. Well, why else did you bring me down with the cholera beforehand? I swore very different things to myself, even while it was going on, from what I had to promise you! I am shaken with horror at the thought that that should ever become reality!
GESCHWITZ. Then you cheated me consciously, deliberately?
LULU. (_Gaily._) What have you been cheated of, then? Your physical advantages have found so enthusiastic an admirer here, that I ask myself if I won't have to give piano lessons once more, to keep alive! No seventeen-year-old child could make a man madder with love than you, a pervert, are making him, poor fellow, by your shrewishness.
GESCHWITZ. Of whom are you speaking? I don't understand a word.
LULU. (_As before._) I'm speaking of your acrobat, of Rodrigo Quast. He's an athlete: he balances two saddled cavalry horses on his chest. Can a woman desire anything more glorious? He told me just now that he'd jump into the water to-night if you did not take pity on him.
GESCHWITZ. I do not envy you this cleverness with which you torture the helpless victims sacrificed to you by their inscrutable destiny. My own plight has not yet wrung from me the pity that I feel for you. _I_ feel free as a god when I think to what creatures *you* are enslaved.
LULU. Who do you mean?
GESCHWITZ. Casti-Piani, upon whose forehead the most degenerate baseness is written in letters of fire!
LULU. Be silent! I'll kick you, if you speak ill of *him*. He loves me with an uprightness against which your most venturous self-sacrifices are poor as beggary! He gives me such proofs of self-denial as reveal *you* for the first time in all your loathsomeness! You didn't get finished in your mother's womb, neither as woman nor as man. You have no human nature like the rest of us. The stuff didn't go far enough for a man, and for a woman you got too much brain into your skull. That's the reason you're crazy! Turn to Miss Bianetta! She can be had for everything for pay! Press a gold-piece into her hand and she'll belong to you. (_All the_ _company save Kadidia throng in out of the card-room._) For the Lord's sake, what has happened?
PUNTSCHU. Nothing whatever! We're thirsty, that's all.
MAGELONE. Everybody has won. We can't believe it.
BIANETTA. It seems I have won a whole fortune!
LUDMILLA. Don't boast of it, my child. That isn't lucky.
MAGELONE. But the bank has won, too! How is that *possible*?
ALVA. It is colossal, where all the money comes from!
CASTI-PIANI. Let us not ask! Enough that we need not spare the champagne.
HEILMANN. I can pay for a supper in a respectable restaurant afterwards, anyway!
ALVA. To the buffet, ladies! Come to the buffet! (_All exeunt, lower left._)
RODRIGO. (_Holding Lulu back._) Un momong, my heart. Have you read my billet-doux?
LULU. Threaten me with discovery as much as you like! I have no more twenty thousands to dispose of.
RODRIGO. Don't lie to me, you punk! You've still got forty thousand in Jungfrau-stock. Your so-called spouse has just been bragging of it himself!
LULU. Then turn to *him* with your blackmailing! It's all one to me what he does with his money.
RODRIGO. Thank you! With that blockhead I'd need twice twenty-four hours to make him grasp what I was talking about. And then come his explanations, that make one deathly sick; and meanwhile my bride writes me "It's all up!" and I can just hang a hurdy-gurdy over my shoulder.
LULU. Have you got engaged here, then?
RODRIGO. Maybe I ought to have asked your permission first? What were my thanks here that I freed you from prison at the cost of my health? You abandoned me! I might have had to be a baggage-man if this girl hadn't taken me up! At my very first entrance, right away, they threw a velvet-covered arm-chair at my head! This country is too decadent to value genuine shows of strength any more. If I'd been a boxing kangaroo they'd have interviewed me and put my picture in all the papers. Thank heaven, I'd already made the acquaintance of my Celestine. She's got the savings of twenty years deposited with the government; and she loves me just for myself. She doesn't aim only at vulgar things, like you. She's had three children by an American bishop--all of the greatest promise. Day after to-morrow we'll get married by the registrar.
LULU. You have my blessing.
RODRIGO. Your blessing *can* be stolen from me. I've told my bride I had twenty thousand in stock at the bank.
LULU. (_Amused._) And after that he boasts the person loves him for himself!
RODRIGO. She honors in me the man of mind, not the man of might as you and all the others have done. That's over now. First they tore the clothes from one's body and then they waltzed around with the chambermaid. I'll be a skeleton before I'll let myself in again for such diversions!
LULU. Then why the devil do you pursue the unfortunate Geschwitz with your attentions?
RODRIGO. Because the creature is of noble blood. I'm a man of the world, and can do distinguished conversation better than any of you. But now (_with a gesture_) my talk is hanging out of my mouth! Will you get me the money before to-morrow evening or won't you?
LULU. I have no money.
RODRIGO. I'll have hen-droppings in my head before I'll let myself be put off with that! He'll give you his last cent if you'll only do your damned duty once! You lured the poor lad here, and now he can see where to scare up a suitable engagement for his accomplishments.
LULU. What has it to do with you if he wastes his money with women or at cards?
RODRIGO. Do you absolutely *want*, then, to throw the last penny that his father earned by his paper into the jaws of this rapacious pack? You'll make four people happy if you'll not take things too exactly and sacrifice yourself for a beneficent purpose! Has it got to be only Casti-Piani *forever*?
LULU. (_Lightly._) Shall I ask him perhaps to light you down the stairs?
RODRIGO. As you wish, countess! If I don't get the twenty thousand marks by to-morrow evening, I make a statement to the police and your court has an end. Auf Wiedersehen! (_Heilmann enters, breathless, upper right._)
LULU. You're looking for Miss Magelone? She's not here.
HEILMANN. No, I'm looking for something else--
RODRIGO. (_Taking him to the entry-door, opposite him._) Second door on the left.
LULU. (_To Rodrigo._) Did you learn that from your bride?
HEILMANN. (_Bumping into Puntschu in the doorway._) Excuse me, my angel!
PUNTSCHU. Ah, it's you. Miss Magelone's waiting for you in the lift.
HEILMANN. You go up with her, please. I'll be right back. (_He hurries out, left. Lulu goes out at lower left. Rodrigo follows her._)
PUNTSCHU. Some heat, that! If I don't cut off *your* ears, you'll cut 'em off me! If I can't hire out my Jehoshaphat, I've just got to help myself with my brains! Won't they get wrinkled, my brains! Won't they get indisposed! Won't they need to bathe in Eau de Cologne! (_Bob, a groom in a red jacket, tight leather breeches, and twinkling riding-boots, 15 years old, brings in a telegram._)
BOB. Mr. Puntschu, the banker!
PUNTSCHU. (_Breaks open the telegram and murmurs:_) "Jungfrau Funicular Stock fallen to--" Ay, ay, so goes the world! (_To Bob._) Wait! (_Gives him a tip._) Tell me--what's your name?
BOB. Well, it's really Freddy, but they call me Bob, because that's the fashion now.
PUNTSCHU. How old are you?
BOB. Fifteen.
KADIDIA. (_Enters hesitatingly from lower left._) I beg your pardon, can you tell me if mama is here?
PUNTSCHU. No, my dear. (_Aside._) Devil, she's got breeding!
KADIDIA. I'm hunting all over for her; I can't find her anywhere.
PUNTSCHU. Your mama will turn up again soon, as true as my name's Puntschu! (_Looking at Bob._) And that pair of breeches! God of Justice! It gets uncanny! (_He goes out, upper right._)
KADIDIA. Haven't *you* seen my mama, perhaps?
BOB. No, but you only need to come with me.
KADIDIA. Where is she then?
BOB. She's gone up in the lift. Come along.
KADIDIA. No, no, I can't go up with you.
BOB. We can hide up there in the corridor.
KADIDIA. No, no, I can't come, or I'll be scolded. (_Magelone, terribly excited, rushes in, upper left, and possesses herself of Kadidia._)
MAGELONE. Ha, there you are at last, you common creature!
KADIDIA. (_Crying._) O mama, mama, I was hunting for you!
MAGELONE. Hunting for me? Did I tell you to hunt for me? What have you had to do with this fellow? (_Heilmann, Alva, Ludmilla, Puntschu, Geschwitz, and Lulu enter, lower left. Bob has withdrawn._) Now don't bawl before all the people on me; look out, I tell you!
LULU. (_As they all surround Kadidia._) But you're crying, sweetheart! Why are you crying?
PUNTSCHU. By God, she's really been crying! Who's done anything to hurt you, little goddess?
LUDMILLA. (_Kneels before her and folds her in her arms._) Tell me, cherub, what bad thing has happened. Do you want a cookie? Do you want some chocolate?
MAGELONE. It's just nerves. The child's getting them much too soon. It would be the best thing if no one paid any attention to her!
PUNTSCHU. That sounds like you! You're a pretty mother! The courts'll yet take the child away from you and appoint me her guardian! (_Stroking Kadidia's cheeks._) Isn't that so, my little goddess?
GESCHWITZ. I should be glad if we started the baccarat again at last? (_All go into the card-room. Lulu is held back at the door by Bob._)
LULU. (_When Bob has whispered to her._) Certainly! Let him come in! (_Bob opens the door and lets Schigolch enter, in evening dress, his patent-leather shoes much worn, and keeping on his shabby opera hat._)
SCHIGOLCH. (_With a look at Bob._) Where d'd you get him from?
LULU. The circus.
SCHIGOLCH. How much does he get?
LULU. Ask him if it interests you. (_To Bob._) Shut the doors. (_Bob goes out lower left, shutting the door behind him._)
SCHIGOLCH. (_Sitting down._) The truth is, I'm in need of money. I've hired a flat for my mistress.
LULU. Have you taken another mistress here, too?
SCHIGOLCH. She's from Frankfort. In her youth she was mistress to the King of Naples. She tells me every day she was once very bewitching.
LULU. (_Outwardly with complete composure._) Does she need the money very badly?
SCHIGOLCH. She wants to fit up her own apartments. Such sums are of no account to *you*. (_Lulu is suddenly overcome with a fit of weeping._)
LULU. (_Flinging herself at Schigolch._) O God Omnipotent!
SCHIGOLCH. (_Patting her._) Well? What is it now?
LULU. (_Sobbing violently._) It's too horrible!
SCHIGOLCH. (_Draws her onto his knee and holds her in his arms like a little child._) Hm--You're trying to do too much, child. You must go to bed, now and then, with a story.--Cry, that's right, cry it all out. It used to shake you just so fifteen years ago. Nobody has screamed since then, the way you could scream! You didn't wear any white tufts on your head then, nor any transparent stockings on your legs: you had neither shoes nor stockings then.
LULU. (_Crying._) Take me home with you! Take me home with you to-night! Please! We'll find carriages enough downstairs!
SCHIGOLCH. I'll take you with me; I'll take you with me.--What is it?
LULU. It's going round my neck! I'm to be shown up!
SCHIGOLCH. By who? Who's showing you up?
LULU. The acrobat.
SCHIGOLCH. (_With the utmost composure._) I'll look after him.
LULU. Look after him! *Please*, look after him! Then do with me what you will!
SCHIGOLCH. If he comes to me, he's done for. My window is over the water. But (_shaking his head_) he won't come; he won't come.
LULU. What number do you live at?
SCHIGOLCH. 376, the last house before the hippodrome.
LULU. I'll send him there. He'll come with the crazy person that creeps about my feet. He'll come this very evening. Go home and let them find it comfortable.
SCHIGOLCH. Just let them come.
LULU. To-morrow bring the gold rings he wears in his ears.
SCHIGOLCH. Has he got rings in his ears?
LULU. You can take them out before you let him down. He doesn't notice anything when he's drunk.
SCHIGOLCH. And then, child--what then?
LULU. Then I'll give you the money for your mistress.
SCHIGOLCH. I call that pretty stingy.
LULU. And whatever else you want! What I have!
SCHIGOLCH. It's pretty near ten years since we knew each other.
LULU. Is that all?--But you've got a mistress.
SCHIGOLCH. My Frankforter is no longer of to-day.
LULU. But then swear!
SCHIGOLCH. Haven't I always kept my word to you?
LULU. Swear that you'll look after him!
SCHIGOLCH. I'll look after him.
LULU. Swear it to me! Swear it to me!
SCHIGOLCH. (_Puts his hand on her ankle._) By everything that's holy! To-night, if he comes--
LULU. By everything that's holy!--How cool that is!
SCHIGOLCH. How hot this is!
LULU. Drive straight home. They'll come in half-an-hour! Take a carriage!
SCHIGOLCH. I'm going.
LULU. Quick! Please!-- --All-powerful--
SCHIGOLCH. Why do you stare at me so again already?
LULU. Nothing--....
SCHIGOLCH. Well? Is your tongue frozen on you?
LULU. My garter's broken.
SCHIGOLCH. What if it is? Is that all?
LULU. What does that augur?
SCHIGOLCH. What does it? I'll fasten it for you if you'll keep still.
LULU. That augurs misfortune!
SCHIGOLCH. (_Yawning._) Not for you, child. Cheer up, I'll look after him! (_Exit. Lulu puts her left foot on a foot-stool, fastens her garter, and goes out into the card-room. Then Rodrigo is cuffed in from the dining-room, lower left, by Casti-Piani._)
RODRIGO. You can treat me decently anyway!
CASTI-PIANI. (_Still perfectly unemotional._) Whatever would induce me to do that? I will know what you said to her here a little while ago.
RODRIGO. Then you can be very fond of me!
CASTI-PIANI. Will you bandy words with me, dog? You demanded that she go up in the lift with you!
RODRIGO. That's a shameless, perfidious lie!
CASTI-PIANI. She told me so herself. You threatened to denounce her if she didn't go with you.--Shall I shoot you on the spot?
RODRIGO. The shameless hussy! As if anything like that could occur to me!--Even if I should want to have her, God knows I don't first need to threaten her with prison!
CASTI-PIANI. Thank you. That's all I wanted to know. (_Exit, upper left._)
RODRIGO. Such a hound! A fellow I could throw up onto the roof so he'd stick like a Limburger cheese!--Come back here, so I can wind your guts round your neck. That would be even better!
LULU. (_Enters, lower left; merrily._) Where were you? I've been hunting for you like a pin.
RODRIGO. I've shown *him* what it means to start anything with me!
LULU. Whom?
RODRIGO. Your Casti-Piani! What made you tell him, you slut, that I wanted to seduce you?!
LULU. Did you not ask me to give myself to my deceased husband's son for twenty thousand in Jungfrau shares?
RODRIGO. Because it's your duty to take pity on the poor young fellow! You shot away his father before his nose in the very best years of life! But your Casti-Piani will think it over before he comes into my sight again. I gave him one in the basket that made the tripes fly to heaven like Roman candles. If you've got no better substitute for me, then I'm sorry ever to have had your favor!
LULU. Lady Geschwitz is in the fearfullest case. She twists herself up in fits. She's at the point of jumping into the water if you let her wait any longer.
RODRIGO. What's the beast waiting for?