Part 5

BOYET. Under the cool shade of a sycamore I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour, When, lo, to interrupt my purposed rest, Toward that shade I might behold addressed The King and his companions. Warily I stole into a neighbour thicket by, And overheard what you shall overhear: That, by and by, disguised they will be here. Their herald is a pretty knavish page That well by heart hath conned his embassage. Action and accent did they teach him there: “Thus must thou speak,” and “thus thy body bear.” And ever and anon they made a doubt Presence majestical would put him out; “For,” quoth the King, “an angel shalt thou see; Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.” The boy replied “An angel is not evil; I should have feared her had she been a devil.” With that all laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, Making the bold wag by their praises bolder. One rubbed his elbow thus, and fleered, and swore A better speech was never spoke before. Another with his finger and his thumb Cried “_Via_, we will do ’t, come what will come.” The third he capered, and cried “All goes well!” The fourth turned on the toe, and down he fell. With that they all did tumble on the ground, With such a zealous laughter, so profound, That in this spleen ridiculous appears, To check their folly, passion’s solemn tears.

PRINCESS. But what, but what, come they to visit us?

BOYET. They do, they do, and are apparelled thus, Like Muscovites, or Russians, as I guess. Their purpose is to parley, court, and dance, And every one his love-feat will advance Unto his several mistress, which they’ll know By favours several which they did bestow.

PRINCESS. And will they so? The gallants shall be tasked; For, ladies, we will every one be masked, And not a man of them shall have the grace, Despite of suit, to see a lady’s face. Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear, And then the King will court thee for his dear. Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine, So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline. And change you favours too; so shall your loves Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.

ROSALINE. Come on, then, wear the favours most in sight.

KATHARINE. But in this changing, what is your intent?

PRINCESS. The effect of my intent is to cross theirs. They do it but in mocking merriment, And mock for mock is only my intent. Their several counsels they unbosom shall To loves mistook, and so be mocked withal Upon the next occasion that we meet, With visages displayed to talk and greet.

ROSALINE. But shall we dance, if they desire us to’t?

PRINCESS. No, to the death we will not move a foot, Nor to their penned speech render we no grace, But while ’tis spoke each turn away her face.

BOYET. Why, that contempt will kill the speaker’s heart, And quite divorce his memory from his part.

PRINCESS. Therefore I do it, and I make no doubt The rest will ne’er come in, if he be out. There’s no such sport as sport by sport o’erthrown, To make theirs ours and ours none but our own. So shall we stay, mocking intended game, And they, well mocked, depart away with shame.

[_Sound trumpet, within._]

BOYET. The trumpet sounds. Be masked; the maskers come.

[_The Ladies mask._]

Enter Blackamoors with music, Moth, with a speech, the King, Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine disguised.

MOTH. _All hail, the richest beauties on the earth!_

BOYET. Beauties no richer than rich taffeta.

MOTH. _A holy parcel of the fairest dames_

[_The Ladies turn their backs to him._]

_That ever turned their_—backs—_to mortal views!_

BEROWNE. _Their eyes_, villain, _their eyes._

MOTH. _That ever turned their eyes to mortal views. Out_—

BOYET. True; out indeed.

MOTH. _Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe Not to behold_—

BEROWNE. _Once to behold_, rogue!

MOTH. _Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes— With your sun-beamed eyes_—

BOYET. They will not answer to that epithet. You were best call it “daughter-beamed eyes”.

MOTH. They do not mark me, and that brings me out.

BEROWNE. Is this your perfectness? Be gone, you rogue!

[_Exit Moth._]

ROSALINE. What would these strangers? Know their minds, Boyet. If they do speak our language, ’tis our will That some plain man recount their purposes. Know what they would.

BOYET. What would you with the Princess?

BEROWNE. Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

ROSALINE. What would they, say they?

BOYET. Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

ROSALINE. Why, that they have, and bid them so be gone.

BOYET. She says you have it, and you may be gone.

KING. Say to her we have measured many miles To tread a measure with her on this grass.

BOYET. They say that they have measured many a mile To tread a measure with you on this grass.

ROSALINE. It is not so. Ask them how many inches Is in one mile? If they have measured many, The measure then of one is easily told.

BOYET. If to come hither you have measured miles, And many miles, the Princess bids you tell How many inches doth fill up one mile.

BEROWNE. Tell her we measure them by weary steps.

BOYET. She hears herself.

ROSALINE. How many weary steps Of many weary miles you have o’ergone Are numbered in the travel of one mile?

BEROWNE. We number nothing that we spend for you. Our duty is so rich, so infinite, That we may do it still without account. Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face, That we, like savages, may worship it.

ROSALINE. My face is but a moon, and clouded too.

KING. Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do! Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine, Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.

ROSALINE. O vain petitioner! Beg a greater matter! Thou now requests but moonshine in the water.

KING. Then in our measure do but vouchsafe one change. Thou bidd’st me beg; this begging is not strange.

ROSALINE. Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.

[_Music plays._]

Not yet? No dance! Thus change I like the moon.

KING. Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?

ROSALINE. You took the moon at full, but now she’s changed.

KING. Yet still she is the moon, and I the man. The music plays, vouchsafe some motion to it.

ROSALINE. Our ears vouchsafe it.

KING. But your legs should do it.

ROSALINE. Since you are strangers and come here by chance, We’ll not be nice. Take hands. We will not dance.

KING. Why take we hands then?

ROSALINE. Only to part friends. Curtsy, sweet hearts, and so the measure ends.

KING. More measure of this measure! Be not nice.

ROSALINE. We can afford no more at such a price.

KING. Price you yourselves? What buys your company?

ROSALINE. Your absence only.

KING. That can never be.

ROSALINE. Then cannot we be bought. And so adieu— Twice to your visor, and half once to you!

KING. If you deny to dance, let’s hold more chat.

ROSALINE. In private then.

KING. I am best pleased with that.

[_They converse apart._]

BEROWNE. White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.

PRINCESS. Honey, and milk, and sugar: there is three.

BEROWNE. Nay, then, two treys, an if you grow so nice, Metheglin, wort, and malmsey. Well run, dice! There’s half a dozen sweets.

PRINCESS. Seventh sweet, adieu. Since you can cog, I’ll play no more with you.

BEROWNE. One word in secret.

PRINCESS. Let it not be sweet.

BEROWNE. Thou griev’st my gall.

PRINCESS. Gall! Bitter.

BEROWNE. Therefore meet.

[_They converse apart._]

DUMAINE. Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?

MARIA. Name it.

DUMAINE. Fair lady—

MARIA. Say you so? Fair lord! Take that for your “fair lady”.

DUMAINE. Please it you, As much in private, and I’ll bid adieu.

[_They converse apart._]

KATHARINE. What, was your visor made without a tongue?

LONGAVILLE. I know the reason, lady, why you ask.

KATHARINE. O, for your reason! Quickly, sir, I long.

LONGAVILLE. You have a double tongue within your mask, And would afford my speechless visor half.

KATHARINE. “Veal”, quoth the Dutchman. Is not veal a calf?

LONGAVILLE. A calf, fair lady?

KATHARINE. No, a fair lord calf.

LONGAVILLE. Let’s part the word.

KATHARINE. No, I’ll not be your half. Take all and wean it; it may prove an ox.

LONGAVILLE. Look how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks. Will you give horns, chaste lady? Do not so.

KATHARINE. Then die a calf before your horns do grow.

LONGAVILLE. One word in private with you ere I die.

KATHARINE. Bleat softly, then; the butcher hears you cry.

[_They converse apart._]

BOYET. The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen As is the razor’s edge invisible, Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen; Above the sense of sense, so sensible Seemeth their conference. Their conceits have wings Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.

ROSALINE. Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.

BEROWNE. By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!

KING. Farewell, mad wenches. You have simple wits.

[_Exeunt King, Lords and Blackamoors._]

PRINCESS. Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovites. Are these the breed of wits so wondered at?

BOYET. Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puffed out.

ROSALINE. Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.

PRINCESS. O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout! Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight? Or ever but in vizors show their faces? This pert Berowne was out of countenance quite.

ROSALINE. They were all in lamentable cases. The King was weeping-ripe for a good word.

PRINCESS. Berowne did swear himself out of all suit.

MARIA. Dumaine was at my service, and his sword. “_Non point_,” quoth I; my servant straight was mute.

KATHARINE. Lord Longaville said I came o’er his heart; And trow you what he called me?

PRINCESS. Qualm, perhaps.

KATHARINE. Yes, in good faith.

PRINCESS. Go, sickness as thou art!

ROSALINE. Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps. But will you hear? The King is my love sworn.

PRINCESS. And quick Berowne hath plighted faith to me.

KATHARINE. And Longaville was for my service born.

MARIA. Dumaine is mine as sure as bark on tree.

BOYET. Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear. Immediately they will again be here In their own shapes, for it can never be They will digest this harsh indignity.

PRINCESS. Will they return?

BOYET. They will, they will, God knows, And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows. Therefore, change favours and, when they repair, Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.

PRINCESS. How “blow”? How “blow”? Speak to be understood.

BOYET. Fair ladies masked are roses in their bud. Dismasked, their damask sweet commixture shown, Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.

PRINCESS. Avaunt, perplexity! What shall we do If they return in their own shapes to woo?

ROSALINE. Good madam, if by me you’ll be advised, Let’s mock them still, as well known as disguised. Let us complain to them what fools were here, Disguised like Muscovites in shapeless gear; And wonder what they were, and to what end Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penned, And their rough carriage so ridiculous, Should be presented at our tent to us.

BOYET. Ladies, withdraw. The gallants are at hand.

PRINCESS. Whip to our tents, as roes run o’er the land.

[_Exeunt Princess, Rosaline, Katharine and Maria._]

Enter the King, Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine as themselves.

KING. Fair sir, God save you. Where’s the Princess?

BOYET. Gone to her tent. Please it your Majesty Command me any service to her thither?

KING. That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.

BOYET. I will; and so will she, I know, my lord.

[_Exit._]

BEROWNE. This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas And utters it again when God doth please. He is wit’s pedlar, and retails his wares At wakes and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs; And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know, Have not the grace to grace it with such show. This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve. Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve. He can carve too, and lisp. Why, this is he That kissed his hand away in courtesy. This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice, That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice In honourable terms. Nay, he can sing A mean most meanly; and in ushering Mend him who can. The ladies call him sweet. The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet. This is the flower that smiles on everyone, To show his teeth as white as whale’s bone; And consciences that will not die in debt Pay him the due of “honey-tongued Boyet”.

KING. A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart, That put Armado’s page out of his part!

Enter the Princess, Rosaline, Maria, Katharine with Boyet.

BEROWNE. See where it comes! Behaviour, what wert thou Till this man showed thee, and what art thou now?

KING. All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day.

PRINCESS. “Fair” in “all hail” is foul, as I conceive.

KING. Construe my speeches better, if you may.

PRINCESS. Then wish me better. I will give you leave.

KING. We came to visit you, and purpose now To lead you to our court. Vouchsafe it then.

PRINCESS. This field shall hold me, and so hold your vow. Nor God nor I delights in perjured men.

KING. Rebuke me not for that which you provoke. The virtue of your eye must break my oath.

PRINCESS. You nickname virtue: “vice” you should have spoke; For virtue’s office never breaks men’s troth. Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure As the unsullied lily, I protest, A world of torments though I should endure, I would not yield to be your house’s guest, So much I hate a breaking cause to be Of heavenly oaths, vowed with integrity.

KING. O, you have lived in desolation here, Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.

PRINCESS. Not so, my lord. It is not so, I swear. We have had pastimes here and pleasant game. A mess of Russians left us but of late.

KING. How, madam? Russians?

PRINCESS. Ay, in truth, my lord. Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.

ROSALINE. Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord. My lady, to the manner of the days, In courtesy gives undeserving praise. We four indeed confronted were with four In Russian habit. Here they stayed an hour And talked apace; and in that hour, my lord, They did not bless us with one happy word. I dare not call them fools; but this I think, When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.

BEROWNE. This jest is dry to me. My gentle sweet, Your wit makes wise things foolish. When we greet, With eyes’ best seeing, heaven’s fiery eye, By light we lose light. Your capacity Is of that nature that to your huge store Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.

ROSALINE. This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye—

BEROWNE. I am a fool, and full of poverty.

ROSALINE. But that you take what doth to you belong, It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.

BEROWNE. O, I am yours, and all that I possess.

ROSALINE. All the fool mine?

BEROWNE. I cannot give you less.

ROSALINE. Which of the visors was it that you wore?

BEROWNE. Where, when, what visor? Why demand you this?

ROSALINE. There, then, that visor; that superfluous case That hid the worse and showed the better face.

KING. We are descried. They’ll mock us now downright.

DUMAINE. Let us confess and turn it to a jest.

PRINCESS. Amazed, my lord? Why looks your Highness sad?

ROSALINE. Help! Hold his brows! He’ll swoon. Why look you pale? Seasick, I think, coming from Muscovy.

BEROWNE. Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury. Can any face of brass hold longer out? Here stand I, lady; dart thy skill at me. Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout, Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance, Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit, And I will wish thee never more to dance, Nor never more in Russian habit wait. O, never will I trust to speeches penned, Nor to the motion of a school-boy’s tongue, Nor never come in visor to my friend, Nor woo in rhyme like a blind harper’s song. Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise, Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation, Figures pedantical: these summer flies Have blown me full of maggot ostentation. I do forswear them, and I here protest, By this white glove—how white the hand, God knows!— Henceforth my wooing mind shall be expressed In russet yeas and honest kersey noes. And, to begin: wench, so God help me, law, My love to thee is sound, _sans_ crack or flaw.

ROSALINE. _Sans_ “_sans_,” I pray you.

BEROWNE. Yet I have a trick Of the old rage. Bear with me, I am sick; I’ll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see: Write “Lord have mercy on us” on those three. They are infected; in their hearts it lies; They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes. These lords are visited. You are not free, For the Lord’s tokens on you do I see.

PRINCESS. No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.

BEROWNE. Our states are forfeit. Seek not to undo us.

ROSALINE. It is not so. For how can this be true, That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?

BEROWNE. Peace! for I will not have to do with you.

ROSALINE. Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.

BEROWNE. Speak for yourselves. My wit is at an end.

KING. Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression Some fair excuse.

PRINCESS. The fairest is confession. Were not you here but even now, disguised?

KING. Madam, I was.

PRINCESS. And were you well advised?

KING. I was, fair madam.

PRINCESS. When you then were here, What did you whisper in your lady’s ear?

KING. That more than all the world I did respect her.

PRINCESS. When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.

KING. Upon mine honour, no.

PRINCESS. Peace, peace, forbear! Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.

KING. Despise me when I break this oath of mine.

PRINCESS. I will; and therefore keep it. Rosaline, What did the Russian whisper in your ear?

ROSALINE. Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear As precious eyesight, and did value me Above this world; adding thereto, moreover, That he would wed me, or else die my lover.

PRINCESS. God give thee joy of him! The noble lord Most honourably doth uphold his word.

KING. What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth, I never swore this lady such an oath.

ROSALINE. By heaven, you did! And to confirm it plain, You gave me this. But take it, sir, again.

KING. My faith and this the Princess I did give. I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

PRINCESS. Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear, And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear. What, will you have me, or your pearl again?

BEROWNE. Neither of either; I remit both twain. I see the trick on’t. Here was a consent, Knowing aforehand of our merriment, To dash it like a Christmas comedy. Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany, Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick, That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick To make my lady laugh when she’s disposed, Told our intents before; which once disclosed, The ladies did change favours, and then we, Following the signs, wooed but the sign of she. Now, to our perjury to add more terror, We are again forsworn in will and error. Much upon this ’tis. [_To Boyet_.] And might not you Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue? Do not you know my lady’s foot by th’ squier, And laugh upon the apple of her eye? And stand between her back, sir, and the fire, Holding a trencher, jesting merrily? You put our page out. Go, you are allowed; Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud. You leer upon me, do you? There’s an eye Wounds like a leaden sword.

BOYET. Full merrily Hath this brave manage, this career, been run.

BEROWNE. Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace! I have done.

Enter Costard.

Welcome, pure wit! Thou part’st a fair fray.

COSTARD. O Lord, sir, they would know Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.

BEROWNE. What, are there but three?

COSTARD. No, sir; but it is vara fine, For every one pursents three.

BEROWNE. And three times thrice is nine.

COSTARD. Not so, sir, under correction, sir, I hope it is not so. You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir; we know what we know. I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir—

BEROWNE. Is not nine?

COSTARD. Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.

BEROWNE. By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.

COSTARD. O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your living by reckoning, sir.

BEROWNE. How much is it?

COSTARD. O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors, sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount. For mine own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one man in one poor man—Pompion the Great, sir.

BEROWNE. Art thou one of the Worthies?

COSTARD. It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompey the Great. For mine own part, I know not the degree of the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.

BEROWNE. Go bid them prepare.

COSTARD. We will turn it finely off, sir; we will take some care.

[_Exit Costard._]

KING. Berowne, they will shame us. Let them not approach.

BEROWNE. We are shame-proof, my lord, and ’tis some policy To have one show worse than the King’s and his company.

KING. I say they shall not come.

PRINCESS. Nay, my good lord, let me o’errule you now. That sport best pleases that doth least know how, Where zeal strives to content, and the contents Die in the zeal of that which it presents; Their form confounded makes most form in mirth, When great things labouring perish in their birth.

BEROWNE. A right description of our sport, my lord.

Enter Armado, the Braggart.

ARMADO. Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.

[_Armado and King talk apart._]

PRINCESS. Doth this man serve God?

BEROWNE. Why ask you?

PRINCESS. He speaks not like a man of God his making.

ARMADO. That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical; too, too vain, too, too vain. But we will put it, as they say, to _fortuna de la guerra_. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!

[_Exit._]

KING. Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Armado’s page, Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus. _And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive, These four will change habits and present the other five._

BEROWNE. There is five in the first show.

KING. You are deceived. ’Tis not so.

BEROWNE. The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool, and the boy. Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.

KING. The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

Enter Costard as Pompey.

COSTARD. _I Pompey am_—