Part 20

She's just a gannin' heap o' muck, Where _durts_ of a' description muster; For _dishclout_ serves her _apron nuik_ As weel as _snotter clout_ and _duster_!

She lays out punds in _manadge_ things, Like mony a thriftless, thoughtless bein'; Yet bairns and me, as if we'd wings, Are a' in rags an' tatters fleein'.

Just mark wor _dress_--a _lapless coat_, With byeth the _elbows_ sticking through-- A _hat_ that never cost a _groat_-- A _neckless shirt_--a _clog_ and _shoe_.

She chalks up _scores_ at a' the shops Wherever we've a twelvemonth staid; And when we flit, the landlord stops Ma _sticks_ till a' the rent be paid.

Aw's ca'd a hen-pick'd, pluckless calf, For letting her the breeches wear; And tell'd aw dinna thresh her half-- Wi' mony a bitter jibe and jeer.

'Aw think,' says Dick, 'aw wad her towen, And verra suin her courage cuil: Aw'd dook her in wor engine powen, Then clap her on Repentance stuil.

If that should not her tantrums check, Aw'd _peel_ her to the varra _sark_: Then 'noint her wi' a _twig o' yeck_, And efter make her _eat_ the bark.'

Enough like this aw've heard thro' life; For every body has a plan To guide a rackle ram-stam wife, Except the poor tormented man."

Will could not now his feelings stay-- The tear roll'd down his care-worn cheek: He thrimmell'd out what he'd to pay, And sobbing said, "my heart will break!"

Here Nanny, modest, mild, and shy, Took Neddy gently by the sleeve; "Aw just luik'd in as aw went by-- Is it not, thinks te, time to leave?"

"Now, Nan, what myeks th' fash me here, Gan hyem and get the bairns to bed; Thou knaws thou promis'd me ma beer The verra neet before we wed."

"Hout, hinny, had th' blabbin jaw, Thou's full o' nought but fun and lees; At sic a _kittle time_, ye knaw, Yen tells ye ony thing to please.

Besides, thou's had enough o' drink, And mair wad ony myek th' bad; Aw see thy een begin to blink-- Gan wi' me, like a canny lad."

"O, Nan! thou hez a witching way O' myekin' me de what thou will; Thou needs but speak, and aw obey, Yet there's ne doubt aw's maister still.

But tyest the yell and stop a bit-- Here tyek a seat upon ma knee-- For 'mang the hewers in wor pit There's nyen hez sic a wife as me.

For if ma top comes badly down, Or ought else keeps me lang away, She cheers me wi' the weel-knawn soun'-- 'Thou's had a lang and weary day.'

If aw be naggy, Nanny's smile Suin myeks me blithe as ony lark; And fit to loup a yett or stile-- Ma varra byens forget to wark.

Ma Nan--ma bairns--ma happy hyem-- Set ower hard labour's bitter pill-- O Providence! but spare me them-- The warld may then wag as it will.

She waits upon me hand and foot-- Aw want for nought that she can gie me-- She fills ma pipe wi patten cut-- Leets it, and hands it kindly to me.

She tells me a' her bits o' news, Pick'd up the time aw've been away; And fra ma mouth the cuttie pous When sleep o'ercomes ma weary clay.

Sae weel she ettles what aw get-- Sae far she a'ways gars it gan-- That nyen can say we are i' debt, Or want for owther claes or scran.

Then drink about, whe minds a jot-- Let's drown wor cares i' barleycorn-- Here, lass, come bring another pot, The _cawler_ dissent _call_ to morn."

"Nay, hinny Ned, ne langer stay-- We mun be hyem to little Neddy-- He's just a twel'munth awd to-day, And will be crying for his deddy.

Aw'll tyek thee hyem a pot o' beer, A nice clean pipe and backy te-- Thou knaws aw like to hae thee near-- Come, hinny, come, gan hyem wi' me."

Like music's soft and soothing powers These honey'd sounds drop on his ear: Or like the warm and fertile showers That leave the face of nature dear.

Here was the power of woman shown, When women use it properly-- He threw his pipe and reck'ning down-- "Aw will--aw will gan hyem wi' thee."

At home arriv'd, right cheerfully She set him in his easy chair-- Clapt little Neddy on his knee, And bid him see his image there.

The mother pleas'd--the father glad, Swore Neddy had twee bonny een-- "There ne'er was, Ned, a finer lad; And, then, he's like thee as a bean.

Aw've luck'd for _Wilson_ a' this day, To cut th' pig down 'fore it's dark; But he'll be guzzling at the pay, And winden on about his wark.

What lengths aw've often heard him gan, Sweering--and he's not fond of fibbin 'He'll turn his back on ne'er a man For owther killin pigs or libbin.'

Still _Jack's_ an honest, canty cock, As ever drain'd the juice of barley; Aw've knawn him sit myest roun' the clock Swatt'ling and clatt'ring on wi' _Charley_.

Now, Deddy, let me ease yor arm; Gi'e me the bairn, lay down yor pipe, And get the supper when it's warm-- It's just a bit o' gissy's tripe.

Then come to me, ma little lammy-- Come, thou apple o' ma e'e-- Come, ma Neddy, t' the mammy-- Come, ma darlin'--come to me!"

Here, see a woman truly blest Beyond the reach of pomp and pride; Her _infant_ happy at her breast-- Her _husband_ happy by her side.

Then take a lesson, pamper'd wealth, And learn how little it requires To make us happy when we've health-- Content--and moderate desires.

"Tha father, Ned, is far frae weel, He lucks, poor body, varra bad; A' ower he hez a cawdrife feel, But thinks it but a waff o' cawd.

Aw've just been ower wi' something warm, To try to ease the weary coff, Which baffles byeth the _drugs_ and _charm_! And threatens oft to tyek him off.

He says, 'O Nan, ma life thou's spar'd-- The good it's duin me's past beleevin'-- The Lord will richly thee rewaird-- The care o' me will win thee heeven.'

Now as his bottle's nearly tuim, Mind think me on, when at the town, To get the drop black beer and rum, As little else will now gan down.

We mebby may be awd worsel's, When poverty's cawd blast is blawin'; And want a frien' when nature fyels, And life her last few threeds is drawin'.

Besides, the bits o' good we dee The verra happiest moments gie us; And mun, aw think, still help a wee, At last, frae awfu' skaith to free us.

Let cant and rant then rave at will Agyen a' warks--aw here declare it-- We'll still the hungry belly fill, Se lang as ever we can spare it."

Here, then, we'll leave this happy pair Their "home affairs" to con and settle; Their "ways and means" with frugal care, For marketing next day to ettle.

THE NEWCASTLE BLUNDERBUSS!

Or, TRAVELLING EXTRAORDINARY.

BY R. EMERY.

Tune--"Calder Fair."

Ne mair o' grand inventions brag, 'Bout Steamers and Chain Brigs, man-- Newcassel's sel' still bears the bell, An' bothers a' their wigs, man: 'Bout Gleediscowpies, silly things, Ne langer make a fuss, man-- E'en silk Balloons mun bend their croons To Reidie's Blunderbuss,[50] man. Fal, de ral, &c.

As Geordy Fash and Dolly Raw Cam stagg'rin up the Kee, man, Wi' Teasdale's beer, an' sic like cheer, They'd rather myed ow'r free, man-- Into this Blunderbuss they gat, 'Side two outlandish chiels, man, But ere they'd time to leet their pipes, They fand theirsels i' Shields, man! Fal, de ral, &c.

Each day on wor Sandhill it stands-- If in tid ye should pop, man, An' close yor winkers half an hour, Clean ow'r the sea ye'll hop, man! The Kee-side Jarvies now may run, An' barbers' clerks se gay, man-- 'Twad be a spree if, fra' wor Kee, They'd cut to Bot'ny Bay, man! Fal, de ral, &c.

This grand machine wor Tyne will clean, An' make it's sand-banks flee, man, Like Corby Craws ow'r Marsden Rock, Into the German Sea, man!-- Wor canny Mayor ne pains will spare, He'll back it out an' out, man, Till ev'ry nuisance in wor toon For Shields shall take the route, man. Fal, de ral, &c.

Footnote 50: Omnibusses commenced running between Newcastle and Shields every hour, (from eight o'clock in the morning till eight at night,) Nov. 12, 1832.

A PITMAN'S VISIT TO NEWCASTLE ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

Tune--"Newcastle Fair."

Od smash! marra, where hast thou been, Aw been luiken for ye a yel hour; For to tell of a seet aw hae seen, Sic a seet as aw ne'er saw before: Aw straight to Newcassel did gan, And gat in just as it struck ten; Then through the streets aw quickly ran, For to get heame suin agyen. Rum ti idity, &c.

Just as aw was runnin amain! Aw comes alangside of a shop, Wi' papers clagg'd on every pane-- To see them aw thought aw wad stop. But oh! sic reed flames an' sic darts! And sae mony lovers together; And sic bonny arrows and hearts-- Od zounds! they were painted quite clever. Rum ti idity, &c.

Says aw, to a buck in the street, (You may guess he was drest very fine,) "What's that thing that's painted complete?" Says he, "It is a Valentine." Says aw, "Do ye knaw what they're for, That they are painted sae smart?" Then he humm'd and he haw'd like a boar, And said, "To send to your sweetheart." Rum ti idity, &c.

Then thinks aw to masell, aw'll hae yen, To send to my awn dearest hinny: Aw bowls into the shop like a styen, When out pops a man very skinny: Says he, "Sir, pray what do you want?" Says aw, "Yen o' them things that's bonny;" When in comes a chep that did cant, And said, "Aw want one, my dear honey." Rum ti idity, &c.

That the fellow was Irish I knew, As suin as to speak he began, He luik'd at Valentines not a few, But could not find one to suit Nan: Says he, "Mind, aw will hev the prattiest." Says aw, "Ye must knaw that you shan't." Did he think aw'd be content wi' the dirtiest? Ma sang! aw did both swear and rant. Rum ti idity, &c.

When he brought me a clout o' the lug,