Part 19
"Yes, certainly," replied Mr. Pickwick, wringing the water from his head and face and gasping for breath. "I fell upon my back. I couldn't get on my feet at first."
The clay upon so much of Mr. Pickwick's coat as was yet visible bore testimony to the accuracy of this statement; 10 and as the fears of the spectators were still further relieved by the fat boy's suddenly recollecting that the water was nowhere more than five feet deep, prodigies of valor were performed to get him out. After a vast quantity of splashing, and cracking, and struggling, Mr. Pickwick was at 15 length fairly extricated from his unpleasant position and once more stood on dry land.
--_Pickwick Papers._
1. The members of the Pickwick Club herein presented are Mr. Pickwick, a heavy, pompous, dignified gentleman, and three friends, Messrs. Snodgrass, Winkle, and Tupman. Characterize each. Weller is a guide-valet. _Pickwick Papers_ records the experiences of the Club during a series of tours.
2. How many episodes are related?
3. Why didn't Winkle admit his inability to skate? What do you consider the funniest part of the Winkle story?
4. What is ludicrous about Pickwick's sliding? When he fell into the water, why was there so little assistance offered at first, and so much later?
5. If you have had a funny experience of your own on ice, tell it to the class.
DARIUS GREEN AND HIS FLYING MACHINE
BY JOHN TOWNSEND TROWBRIDGE
If ever there lived a Yankee lad, Wise or otherwise, good or bad, Who, seeing the birds fly, didn't jump With flapping arms from stake or stump, Or spreading the tail 5 Of his coat for a sail, Take a soaring leap from post or rail, And wonder why _He_ couldn't fly, And flap and flutter and wish and try-- 10 If ever you knew a country dunce Who didn't try that as often as once-- All I can say is, that's a sign He never would do for a hero of mine.
An aspiring genius was D. Green: 15 The son of a farmer--age fourteen; His body was long and lank and lean-- Just right for flying, as will be seen; He had two eyes as bright as a bean, And a freckled nose that grew between, 20 A little awry;--for I must mention That he had riveted his attention Upon his wonderful invention, Twisting his tongue as he twisted the strings, And working his face as he worked the wings, 25 And with every turn of gimlet and screw Turning and screwing his mouth round too, Till his nose seemed bent To catch the scent, Around some corner, of new-baked pies, And his wrinkled cheeks and squinting eyes 5 Grew puckered into a queer grimace, That made him look very droll in the face, And also very wise.
And wise he must have been, to do more Than ever a genius did before, 10 Excepting Dædalus of yore, And his son Icarus, who wore Upon their backs Those wings of wax He had read of in the old almanacs. 15 Darius was clearly of the opinion, That the air was also man's dominion, And that, with paddle or fin or pinion, We soon or late Shall navigate 20 The azure as now we sail the sea. The thing looks simple enough to me; And if you doubt it, Hear how Darius reasoned about it:
"The birds can fly, 25 An' why can't I? Must we give in," Says he with a grin, "That the bluebird an' phoebe Are smarter 'n we be? 30 Jest fold our hands an' see the swaller An' blackbird an' catbird beat us holler? Does the leetle chatterin', sassy wren, No bigger'n my thumb, know more than men? Jest show me that 5 Er prove 't the bat Hez got more brains than's in my hat, An' I'll back down, an' not till then!"
He argued further: "Ner I can't see What's th' use o' wings to a bumblebee 10 Fer to git a livin' with, more'n to me; Ain't my business Importanter'n his'n is? That Icarus Made a perty muss-- 15 Him an' his daddy Daedalus. They might 'a' knowed wings made o' wax Wouldn't stan' sun heat an' hard whacks: I'll make mine o' luther, Er suthin' er other." 20
And he said to himself, as he tinkered and planned: "But I ain't goin' to show my hand To nummies that never can understand The fust idee that's big an' grand." So he kept his secret from all the rest, 25 Safely buttoned within his vest; And in the loft above the shed Himself he locks, with thimble and thread And wax and hammer and buckles and screws, And all such things as geniuses use: 30 Two bats for patterns, curious fellows! A charcoal pot and a pair of bellows; An old hoop skirt or two, as well as Some wire and several old umbrellas; A carriage cover for tail and wings; 5 A piece of harness; and straps and strings; And a big, strong box, In which he locks These and a hundred other things.
His grinning brothers, Reuben and Burke 10 And Nathan and Jotham and Solomon, lurk Around the corner to see him work-- Sitting cross-legged, like a Turk, Drawing the waxed end through with a jerk, And boring the holes with a comical quirk 15 Of his wise old head, and a knowing smirk. But vainly they mounted each other's backs, And poked through knot holes and pried through cracks; With wood from the pile and straw from the stacks He plugged the knot holes and calked the cracks; 20 And a bucket of water, which one would think He had brought up into the loft to drink When he chanced to be dry, Stood always nigh, For Darius was sly! 25 And whenever at work he happened to spy At chink or crevice a blinking eye, He let a dipper of water fly.
So day after day He stitched and tinkered and hammered away, 30 Till at last 'twas done,-- The greatest invention under the sun! "An' now," says Darius, "hooray fer some fun!"
'Twas the Fourth of July, And the weather was dry, 5 And not a cloud was on all the sky, Save a few light fleeces, which here and there, Half mist, half air, Like foam on the ocean went floating by,-- Just as lovely a morning as ever was seen 10 For a nice little trip in a flying machine.
Thought cunning Darius: "Now I shan't go Along 'ith the fellers to see the show: I'll say I've got sich a terrible cough! An' then, when the folks 'ave all gone off, 15 I'll have full swing Fer to try the thing, An' practice a little on the wing."
"Ain't goin' to see the celebration?" Says brother Nate. "No; botheration! 20 I've got sich a cold--a toothache--I-- My gracious!--feel's though I should fly!" Said Jotham, "'Sho! Guess ye better go." But Darius said, "No! 25 Shouldn't wonder 'f you might see me, though, 'Long 'bout noon, if I get red O' this jumpin', thumpin' pain 'n my head." For all the while to himself he said: "I tell ye what! I'll fly a few times around the lot, To see how't seems, then soon's I've got The hang o' the thing, ez likely's not, I'll astonish the nation, 5 An' all creation, By flyin' over the celebration! Over their heads I'll sail like an eagle; I'll balance myself on my wings like a sea gull; I'll dance on the chimbleys; I'll stand on the steeple; 10 I'll flop up to winders an' scare the people! I'll light on the liberty pole an' crow; An' I'll say to the gawpin' fools below, 'What world's this 'ere That I've come near?' 15 Fer I'll make 'em b'lieve I'm a chap f'm the moon; An' I'll try a race 'ith their ol' balloon!"
He crept from his bed, And seeing the others were gone, he said: "I'm a gittin' over the cold 'n my head." 20 And away he sped, To open the wonderful box in the shed.
His brothers had walked but a little way, When Jotham to Nathan chanced to say, "What is the feller up to, hey?" 25 "Don'o',--the' 's suthin' er other to pay, Er he wouldn't 'a' stayed to hum to-day." Says Burke, "His toothache's all 'n his eye! _He_ never'd miss a Fo'th o' July, Ef he hedn't got some machine to try." 30 Then Sol, the little one, spoke: "By darn! Le's hurry back an' hide 'n the barn, An' pay him fer tellin' us that yarn!"
"Agreed!" Through the orchard they creep back, Along by the fences, behind the stack, 5 And one by one, through a hole in the wall, In under the dusty barn they crawl, Dressed in their Sunday garments all. And a very astonishing sight was that, When each in his cobwebbed coat and hat 10 Came up through the floor like an ancient rat.
And there they hid; And Reuben slid The fastenings back, and the door undid. "Keep dark!" said he, 15 "While I squint an' see what the' is to see."
As knights of old put on their mail,-- From head to foot An iron suit, Iron jacket and iron boot, 20 Iron breeches, and on the head No hat, but an iron pot instead, And under the chin the bail (I believe they called the thing a helm); And, thus accoutered, they took the field, 25 Sallying forth to overwhelm The dragons and pagans that plagued the realm,-- So this modern knight Prepared for flight, Put on his wings and strapped them tight,-- Jointed and jaunty, strong and light,-- Buckled them fast to shoulder and hip,-- Ten feet they measured from tip to tip! And a helm had he, but that he wore, 5 Not on his head, like those of yore, But more like the helm of a ship.
"Hush!" Reuben said, "He's up in the shed! He's opened the winder,--I see his head! 10 He stretches it out, An' pokes it about, Lookin' to see 'f the coast is clear, An' nobody near;-- Guess he don'o' who's hid in here! 15 He's riggin' a springboard over the sill! Stop laffin', Solomon! Burke, keep still! He's climbin' out now. Of all the things! What's he got on? I van, it's wings! An' that t'other thing? I vum, it's a tail! An' there he sets like a hawk on a rail! 20 Steppin' careful, he travels the length Of his springboard, and teeters to try its strength.
"Now he stretches his wings like a monstrous bat; Peeks over his shoulder, this way an' that, 25 Fer to see 'f the' 's anyone passin' by; But the' 's on'y a ca'f an' a goslin' nigh. _They_ turn up at him a wonderin' eye, To see--the dragon! he's goin' to fly! Away he goes! Jiminy! what a jump! Flop--flop--an' plump To the ground with a thump, Flutt'rin' an' flound'rin', all 'n a lump!"
As a demon is hurled by an angel's spear, 5 Heels over head, to his proper sphere, Heels over head, and head over heels, Dizzily down the abyss he wheels,-- So fell Darius. Upon his crown, In the midst of the barnyard, he came down, 10 In a wonderful whirl of tangled strings, Broken braces and broken springs, Broken tail and broken wings, Shooting stars and various things, Barnyard litter of straw and chaff. 15 Away with a bellow fled the calf, And what was that? Did the gosling laugh?
'Tis a merry roar From the old barn door, And he hears the voice of Jotham crying, 20 "Say, D'rius! how do you like flyin'?"
Slowly, ruefully, where he lay, Darius just turned and looked that way, As he stanched his sorrowful nose with his cuff. "Wall, I like flyin' well enough," 25 He said, "but the' ain't sich a awful sight O' fun in't when ye come to light."
_Moral_
I just have room for the moral here: And this is the moral,--Stick to your sphere. Or, if you insist, as you have the right, On spreading your wings for a loftier flight, The moral is,--Take care how you light. 5
1. Tell the story of Icarus and Dædalus. Compare Darius's flying machine with a modern airplane. When and by whom was the airplane perfected as a practical flyer?
2. How much of the story is told from Darius's standpoint? Through whose eyes do we see the rest?
3. Describe Darius. Is he really a clever lad? Why do we laugh at his experiment?
4. The poem is written partially in dialect. Explain what "dialect" is. What other poems do you know that are in dialect?
5. J. T. Trowbridge (1827-1916) was a clever American writer of verse and fiction, chiefly boys' books. Can you find anything of interest about him?
AUNT DOLEFUL'S VISIT
How do you do, Cornelia? I heard you were sick, and I stepped in to cheer you up a little. My friends often say, "It's such a comfort to see you, Aunt Doleful. You have such a flow of conversation, and are _so_ lively." Besides, I said to myself as I came up the stairs, "Perhaps 5 it's the last time I'll ever see Cornelia Jane alive."
_You don't mean to die yet, eh?_ Well, now, how do you know? You can't tell. You think you are getting better; but there was poor Mrs. Jones sitting up, and everyone saying how smart she was, and all of a sudden she was taken 10 with spasms in the heart and went off like a flash.
But you must be careful and not get anxious or excited. Keep quite calm and don't fret about anything. Of course things can't go just as if you were downstairs; and I wondered whether you knew your little Billy was sailing about in a tub on the mill pond, and that your little Sammy 5 was letting your little Jimmy down from the veranda roof in a clothes basket.
Goodness! what's the matter? I guess Providence'll take care of them. Don't look so. You thought Bridget was watching them? Well, no, she isn't. I saw her talking 10 to a man at the gate. He looked to me like a burglar. No doubt she let him take the impression of the door key in wax, and then he'll get in and murder you all. There was a family at Murray Hill all killed last week.
How is Mr. Kobble? Well, but finds it warm in town, eh? 15 Well, I should think he would. They are dropping down by hundreds there with sunstroke. You must prepare your mind to have him brought home any day. Anyhow, a trip on these railroad trains is just risking your life every time you take one. Back and forth every day as he is, 20 is just trifling with danger.
Scarlet fever has broken out in the village, Cornelia. Little Isaac Potter has it, and I saw your Jimmy playing with him last Saturday.
Well, I must be going now. I've got another sick 25 friend, and I sha'n't consider my duty done unless I cheer her up a little before I sleep. You don't look so well as you did when I came in. But if anything happens, send for me at once. If I can't do anything else, I can cheer you up a little.
1. This is an old, favorite recitation. What do you think of this type of humor as compared with Mark Twain's?
GRADGRIND'S IDEA OF EDUCATION
BY CHARLES DICKENS
Thomas Gradgrind was proud of himself. He was a "self-made" man who attributed his own successes in life to his mastery of Facts. He is here represented as officially testing a school upon its knowledge of his favorite Facts.
"Now what I want is Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals upon Facts; nothing else will ever be of any service to them. This is the principle on which I bring up my own 5 children. Stick to Facts, sir; nothing but Facts."
The speaker, and the schoolmaster, and the third grown person present, all backed a little and swept with their eyes the inclined plane of little vessels then and there arranged in order, ready to have gallons of facts poured into them 10 until they were full to the brim.
Thomas Gradgrind, sir. A man of realities. A man of facts and calculations. A man who proceeds upon the principle that two and two are four and nothing over, and who is not to be talked into allowing for anything over. 15 Thomas Gradgrind, sir, with a rule and a pair of scales and the multiplication table always in his pocket, sir, ready to weigh and measure any parcel of human nature and tell you exactly what it comes to.
It is a mere question of figures, a case of simple arithmetic. 20 You might hope to get some other nonsensical belief into the head of George Gradgrind, or Augustus Gradgrind, or John Gradgrind, or Joseph Gradgrind; but into the head of Thomas Gradgrind--no, sir!
Indeed, he seemed to be a kind of cannon loaded to the muzzle with facts.
"Girl number twenty," said Mr. Gradgrind, squarely 5 pointing with his square forefinger. "I don't know that girl. Who is that girl?"
"Sissy Jupe, sir," explained number twenty, blushing, standing up, and curtsying.
"Sissy is not a name," said Mr. Gradgrind. "Don't 10 call yourself Sissy. Call yourself Cecilia."
"Father calls me Sissy, sir," returned the young girl in a trembling voice and with another curtsy.
"Then he has no business to do it," said Mr. Gradgrind. "Tell him he mustn't. Cecilia Jupe. Let me see. What 15 is your father?"
"He belongs to the horse riding, if you please, sir."
Mr. Gradgrind frowned, and waved off the objectionable calling with his hand.
"We don't want to know anything about that, here. 20 You mustn't tell us about that, here. Your father breaks horses, don't he?"
"If you please, sir, when they can get any to break, they do break horses in the ring, sir."
"You mustn't tell us about the ring, here. Very well, 25 then. Describe your father as a horse breaker. He doctors sick horses, I dare say."
"Oh, yes, sir!"
"Very well, then. He is a veterinary surgeon, a farrier, and a horse breaker. Give me your definition of a horse." 30
Sissy Jupe was thrown into the greatest alarm by this demand.
"Girl number twenty unable to define a horse!" said Mr. Gradgrind. "Girl number twenty possessed of no facts in reference to one of the commonest of animals! Some boy's definition of a horse. Bitzer, yours."
The square finger, moving here and there, lighted suddenly 5 on Bitzer, perhaps because he chanced to sit in the same ray of sunlight which irradiated Sissy.
"Bitzer," said Thomas Gradgrind, "your definition of a horse."
"Quadruped. Graminivorous. Forty teeth: namely, 10 twenty-four grinders, four eyeteeth, and twelve incisors. Sheds coat in the spring; in marshy countries, sheds hoofs too. Hoofs hard, but requiring to be shod with iron. Age known by marks in the mouth."
"Now, girl number twenty," said Mr. Gradgrind, "you 15 know what a horse is."
She curtsied again and would have blushed deeper, if she could have blushed deeper than she had blushed all this time.
The third gentleman now stepped forth. A mighty man at 20 cutting and drying, was he; a government officer; always in training, always with a system to force down the general throat, always to be heard of at the bar of his little public office.
"Very well," said this gentleman briskly, smiling and 25 folding his arms. "That's a horse. Now, let me ask you, girls and boys, would you paper a room with representations of horses?"
After a pause, one half the children cried in a chorus, "Yes, sir!" Upon which the other half, seeing in the 30 gentleman's face that "yes" was wrong, cried out in a chorus, "No, sir!"--as the custom is in these examinations.
"Of course not. Why wouldn't you?"
A pause. One corpulent slow boy, with a wheezy manner of breathing, ventured to answer, "Because I wouldn't paper a room at all; I'd paint it."
"You _must_ paper it," said the gentleman rather warmly. 5
"Yes, you must paper it," said Thomas Gradgrind, "whether you like it or not. Don't tell _us_ you wouldn't paper it. What do you mean, boy?"
"I'll explain to you, then," said the gentleman, after a dismal pause, "why you wouldn't paper a room with representations 10 of horses. Do you ever see horses walking up and down the sides of a room in reality--in fact? Do you?"
"Yes, sir!" from one half. "No, sir!" from the other.
"Of course not," said the gentleman, with an indignant 15 look at the wrong half. "Why, then, you are not to see anywhere what you don't see in fact; you are not to have anywhere what you don't have in fact. What is called taste is only another name for fact. This is a new principle, a discovery, a great discovery," said the gentleman. "Now 20 I'll try you again. Suppose you were going to carpet a room, would you use a carpet having a representation of flowers upon it?"
There being a general conviction by this time that "No, sir!" was always the right answer to this gentleman, the 25 chorus of "No," was very strong. Only a few feeble stragglers said, "Yes"; among them Sissy Jupe.
"Girl number twenty," said the gentleman, smiling in the calm strength of knowledge.
Sissy blushed and stood up. 30
"So you would carpet your room with representations of flowers, would you?" said the gentleman. "Why?"
"If you please, sir, I am very fond of flowers," returned the girl.
"And is that why you would put tables and chairs upon them and have people walking over them with heavy boots?" 5
"It wouldn't hurt them, sir. They wouldn't crush and, wither, if you please, sir. They would be the pictures of what was very pretty and pleasant, and I fancy--"
"Aye, aye, aye! But you mustn't fancy," cried the gentleman, quite elated by coming so happily to his point. 10 "That's it! You are never to fancy."
"You are not, Cecilia Jupe," Thomas Gradgrind solemnly repeated, "to do anything of that kind."
"You are to be in all things regulated and governed," said the gentleman, "by Fact. You must discard the word 15 'fancy' altogether. You have nothing to do with it. You don't walk upon flowers in fact; you cannot be allowed to walk upon flowers in carpets. You never meet with quadrupeds going up and down the walls; you must not have quadrupeds represented upon the walls. You must 20 use," said the gentleman, "for all these purposes, combinations and modifications (in primary colors) of mathematical figures which are susceptible of proof and demonstration. This is the new discovery. This is Fact. This is taste." 25
--_Hard Times._
1. Make a list of adjectives that fit the character of Gradgrind.
2. Does Dickens agree with Gradgrind's ideas of teaching? Prove your answer. Define irony; sarcasm. Does either of these words apply to Dickens's presentation of Gradgrind?
3. What do you think of Gradgrind's theories? How far do you agree with him? In what do you disagree?
THE DEACON'S MASTERPIECE, OR THE WONDERFUL "ONE-HOSS SHAY"
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES