CHAPTER VIII.

Preparing to tow--A Squabble--Drifting astern--Ease her! Stop her!--Coutez la Rope--Return to Shanghai--Another Christmas--New Year’s Day--Cold Weather--Freezing a Brass Monkey--Feast of Lanterns--Millions of Lights--Unfair Dealing--The unlucky Jeweller--Unlucky Greengrocer--Unworthy Englishmen--English Talkee--Chin-chin, Jack--Consequences of Idleness--Rambles on Shore--A Lower-deck at Dinner-time--Criticism on Beef--Yankee Navy _versus_ English Navy--A royal Reason why--The First Lord and the Grub--A Man of Bread--A few Remarks about Food--Very nice Meat--Night Quarters--A Broadside--Uproar--Obeying Instructions--Another Alarm--All adrift--A Yankee Skipper.

Next morning, the 5th, was very stormy, so we did not weigh; but on the 6th we again prepared to tow, and as there was a lively sea on, this was a matter of considerable difficulty, especially as the captain of the _Inflexible_, instead of taking up a position ahead of the Frenchman, where the hawsers would have been easily payed out, anchored broadside on; consequently the hawsers felt the whole power of the tide, about a five-knot current. The weigh-line not being sufficient to bear the strain, was carried away again and again; so the “little man,” as the men called him, lost his temper, and began abusing the coxswain of the boat: “Tilly!” “Sir,” responded the seaman. “You’re a lubber, sir--_you_ a petty officer, and don’t know how to lay a hawser out! I’ll disrate you--by George! I will.” “I never asked _you_ for it,” replied the irritated coxswain. “Very well--very well. I’ll flog you, Tilly,” screamed the little man, panting with rage. “Mark my words--I’ll flog you.” But this was all wind, for when the coxswain came on board again, the captain begged his pardon, and told him he had done his best.

As the anchor was hove up, we of course dropped gradually astern, and one of the hawsers got foul of the paddle-wheel. Instantly the captain cried, “Easy!--turn astern!--stop her!--half a turn ahead!” In fact, he issued a string of contradictory orders, before we knew what it was all about. Then came another: “Jump in the paddle-wheels, somebody, and stand by to cut! Easy ahead! stop her!--now cut away!--hold on! hold on!--don’t cut yet!--cut away!” “When shall I cut, sir?” “Don’t cut, I tell you, and be hanged to you!” Then, with his French phrase-book in his hand, he jumped on the paddle-box: “Monsieur le capitaine, voulez vous couter la rope.” “Je ne vous comprends pas,” answered the Frenchman. “Oh! coutez les hawse--coutez la rope, capitaine;” the effect of which upon all within hearing may be imagined. I was standing forward at the time, and heard one of the French officers say to our boatswain--the ships being very close--“Vat your capitaine say? My God! how he talk his Français!” Old Pipes, though he did not understand, could not help laughing. Nevertheless, the Inflexibles all said of their captain, “He very often barks, but never do bite.” And so, at last, we brought the _Laplace_ to Woosung, where she parted from us and sailed up the river to go into dock.

Two days after, on the 12th, we arrived at Shanghai, where I found all messmates well and hearty, and beginning to think about Christmas Day.

This holiday, like the year before, passed off fairly; but there was too much noise and drunkenness for me to enjoy it. In spirit I was at home, and didn’t I wish I had been there bodily too.

January 1, 1859, was announced to us by the bell being struck sixteen times, in the usual nautical style, and the band marching round, playing _God save the Queen_ and _Auld lang Syne_, and some of the wilder characters must needs arouse their quiet shipmates and make noisy demonstrations, but by-and-by they went aft into the officers’ berths, and having got a glass of grog, they turned in, and were soon quiet enough.

February the 3rd, the following appears in my log: “We have had it very cold for the last fortnight; very keen winds; and to-day a fall of snow.” It was quite a novelty, being the first we had seen since leaving England. It was strange to see the upper-deck in the morning; the rigging and yards were sprinkled with snow and frosted, and the guns could be only distinguished by their shape, so completely were they covered with the dazzling garment. This weather nipped us greatly, and we kept below as much as possible. “Choo-ugh!” would come somebody down into the mess. “What’s the matter, Tom; you looks cold.” “Cold! why it’s enough to freeze a brass monkey, let alone a human being.” We had rare fun while shovelling the snow from the decks, men and officers snow-balling one another in right good earnest.

On the evening of the 15th was celebrated the Chinese Feast of Lanterns, and all the boats and small craft on the river were gaudily decorated with flags and streamers, and the meanest coolie put on his best attire. During the day the Chinamen were continually exploding crackers and other fireworks, and sending up rockets, and in the evening the junks and boats, and the Chinese houses on shore, were well lighted up by lanterns, while the inmates were merrily carousing, and eating prodigiously of baked pork and rice, stewed cabbage and fish, each dish being surrounded by numbers of small candles, which they kept constantly burning. On this occasion every one who goes out after nightfall is expected to carry a lantern, and on this night the Bund facing the river was so covered with dancing lights, that you might have fancied a swarm of big fire-flies was at play.

I have heard it stated that during this feast the number of lanterns displayed throughout the empire, including the river craft, is two hundred millions. What an assemblage if all made into a heap! They would certainly startle his Celestial Majesty if he found them lying in his palace garden some fine morning.

I have often seen the injustice and bad treatment towards the Chinese who bring anything for sale on board the ship. One day a jeweller came with native brooches, rings, and trinkets. No sooner did he get below, and incautiously expose his goods, than he was pushed and jostled, articles knocked from his hand, and before he had been ten minutes on board he had lost much of his property. And again, one Sunday, early, a Chinaman came with some fine lettuce and cauliflowers--rare things to a seaman; he was served just the same as the jeweller, and the poor fellow, sitting down in the middle of the gangway, sobbed like a child, the men all the time making game of him. Had he gone aft to seek redress, he would be pretty sure of a repulse, or perhaps get kicked over the side. Poor Celestials! my sense of fair play was shocked by this treatment, and it only shows the great blot upon an Englishman’s character in a foreign land. He thinks he can act as he pleases, regarding the poor unenlightened Chinese around him as mere brute beasts, without sense or understanding, never dreaming for a moment that he ought to be called to account.

Some of the natives do not submit so patiently as others, but give vent to their passion in their own language, of which, as I never learnt even a syllable, I could make nothing, but no doubt it was more angry than sentimental.

Many of the Chinamen pride themselves on their English, and make a display of it as often as they get an opportunity. “Chin-chin, Jack, how you do? All litee?” “Yes, I’m all right. How do you get on?” “Oh! me all ploper; me number one. When your ship go away? she makee stop long timee. By-by, makee go Ingland; you see your fatha and motha; you no come Shanghai again. Other ship go Pekin makee bobbery; you sailor-man makee fight.”

Another May came, and found us still at anchor: not bright and hot as last year; but so dull that one might think the blooming goddess had taken cold. This heightened our impatience to be gone. I had read the Astronomer-Royal’s _Lectures_ and my other books over and over again, till I knew them pretty well by heart. Still, it was not always possible to avoid feeling discontented. How we argued and disputed one with another, and most vehemently about the things that we did not understand, especially politics. Many of the letters which I wrote home contained a question for settlement; and sometimes the answer did settle it. Once there was a debate as to whether the English language owned the word recalcitrant; and three months later I got a letter which decided the question for us in the affirmative, and gave us the meaning of the word. Then again I had a treat. A small parcel from home. Dr. Anderson, of the hospital ship at Hong-Kong, had brought it from England and sent it on.

Then we heard rumour of a cruise to the northward, and all hands brightened up at the thought of a change of seeing new scenery and people. Something to do and something fresh to look at would keep the devil at bay, which is an important matter in a ship, where his majesty finds so many liege subjects. Meanwhile, it was a relief to be allowed to go on shore. Ten of us could go every night, and there was general leave twice a month. I liked rambling by myself into the country, and looking at the people and their ways; sometimes asking for a drink of water at a cottage, and making friends with the youngsters. One little fellow became so confiding as to sit and crow on my shoulder. From what I saw I envied the cottagers neither their dwellings nor occupation.

From country scenes and shady nooks, what can be a greater contrast than the one I am now diving into? Fancy to yourself a lower-deck mess-table!--time, a quarter to eight bells in the forenoon--presently is heard the bugle playing up cheerily _The Roast Beef of Old England_, and aft to the galley rush the hands whose turn it is to do duty as cooks to draw the day’s allowance of meat.

It is drawn and on the table, and my messmates sit round, and are soon busily engaged in criticising. No matter for dirty hands or tangled hair: it doesn’t do to be particular on board ship. “What won’t poison will fatten,” is a sea proverb. “Well,” says Bill, nicknamed the Calf, “if that’s dinner, God send supper! Here’s for a smoke;” and off he goes. Presently, Joe, who has eaten his share, gets up, and, after belching rudely in his neighbour’s face, exclaims, “I’d like to have Mr. Somerset, or whatever they call him, just to taste this here meat; I’m blest if it wouldn’t make him stare! Beef, they call it; I’m glad they’ve found a name for it. It beats the tea, so called. I s’pose the Admiralty gets the pair of ’em cut out by the law of economy, don’t they?” “Bother the odds,” says lively Tom Jenkins; “it’ll all fill up.”

At other times the conversation indulges in a roving commission, and takes in politics; the relations between England and America being a favourite topic. Let us listen to Rowin and Jemmy King, great talkers both, who go at it hammer and tongs, as the saying is.

“Well, look here!” says Rowin. “Give me the Yankee navy ’fore this one. The officers there are gentlemen, and a fellow don’t get his luff choked when he begins to speak. They do act upright and down straight, anyhow!”

“Yes,” answers Jemmy, “and a fellow gets a sight better grub and better pay, too, and he don’t get no three-water grog. But look here! this is what pauls me. Why don’t we lend the Yankee gov’ment a hand if they want it, or why don’t we allow them to help us?”

“Why, I’ll tell ye, Jemmy. S’pose we was to have an alliance with the Yankees, and we was to help ’em, they’d want to have a king, and our people don’t want ’em to. That’s why they won’t let the Yankees help us.”

“But you don’t believe that yarn, do you, Rowin?” says Harry B., a sensible, well-read fellow. “If you told that to a horse in the stable he’d kick yer brains out.”

“Oh, you might know a good deal,” retorts Jemmy, “but ye don’t know everything.”

The First Lord and the grub, however, are the chief occasions of displeasure, and the noble functionary might, perhaps, not feel so comfortable as he does if he heard what seamen think of him. “He First Lord! Why, he never seen the sea. About as much fit for First Lord as I am for Prime Minister. Why, I’d make a better man nor him out of chawed bread.”

I offer the following remarks with all due respect; but when a seaman gets bad provisions he has a right to grumble against the one who, as he imagines, is responsible for the quality. Seamen, who live hard and work hard, ought to have good grub; but navy food does not always come up to that standard. We don’t say the allowance is not enough: it is not the quantity, but the quality which ought to be more studied. One of the articles of war is to this effect: “That if any fault be found with the food, the same shall be quietly and respectfully made known to the officer of the watch, who shall report the same to his superior, and the said superior shall presently cause such steps to be taken as shall remedy the defect.” But this is not strictly acted up to. Some officers, after looking at the faulty article, which is perhaps an eight-pound lump of salt meat, looking similar to a lump of mahogany, will tell you blandly “he sees no fault in it; very nice meat--very nice indeed; shouldn’t wish to eat better himself;” while his countenance belies his words, and he wishes he couldn’t smell. The bread is generally good, but is liable, after long keeping, to decay, when weevils and maggots bore and re-bore it at their pleasure. “Very nice eating, this, Jack. How about the duke, eh?” “The dook! I’d like to choke him with it.” Sailors are awful grumblers, but they like fair play, nevertheless.

But to go back to my log. One night it was very sultry, scarcely a breath of air stirring, and profoundly quiet, save the rush of the rippling tide against the bows, when our captain came off to the ship and gave the order for night quarters. The well-known roll, _Cheer up, my lads_, very soon roused us out. We jumped from our hammocks, and didn’t wait to dress: a pair of trousers was quite enough. Up we went, cast loose the guns, loaded with blank cartridge, and waited for further orders. “You’ll fire a broadside! Ready! Fire!” and all the guns went off as one. Oh! what a hubbub there was among the junks and craft on the river; the Chinamen seemed beside themselves. The next order was, “Three rounds of quick firing!” and at it we went bang! bang! bang! till the very place seemed to shake, and the concussion broke many a window-pane. By-and-by, when it was nearly over, and we were securing the guns again, one or two of the gentlemen came from the shore, wanting to know what was the matter. “Had the rebels attacked us?” “Oh no, gentlemen!” said the first-luff; “we are only obeying Admiralty instructions;” at which the inquirers seemed much relieved. The whole performance, from the time the broadside was fired till the guns were secured, and we again in our hammocks, did not occupy more than twenty minutes. So much for being ready for night quarters.

In the night of the 17th, about the middle of the first watch, we were again aroused by a great outcry. A large Yankee merchantman, in drifting down, got foul of us athwart hawse, and her great weight, with the strength of the sluicing tide, made us drag our anchors, and away we drifted up the harbour, smashing and fouling all the craft in our way. One little brig was just in our line of drift, and we could not help laughing at her captain, who sung out to ours, “Never mind, sir! you can’t get any farther. My cable will hold the pair of ye.” No sooner had the words passed his lips than the tiny cable parted, and he was involved in the general smash. We were now all four in a heap, and went drifting up ‘fluking.’ Just then our skipper hailed Jonathan, and asked him if he hadn’t better send down the sky-sail masts and yards. “Well, cap’n,” answered the Yankee, “they’ve been up there ever since she were launched, and I guess they’ll stop there till they’re blowed down.”

At last the steam-tug, being lashed alongside, drove the merchantman’s bows ashore, and brought all of us up. We got our steam up, and gradually backed astern out of the mob, slipping both cables, and losing our jib, flying-jib-boom, and both lower booms; and with about eight feet of our quarter-bulwarks stove in. I shall not easily forget that night, shivering as I was with only my flannel and a pair of light trousers on. Next morning we went and picked our anchors up, and a heavy job we had of it. Jonathan refused to pay all the damages, so our captain prosecuted him on behalf of the Admiralty; and I believe that that night’s work cost the boaster something like two thousand dollars.