Part 22
_Alphonse Allais, who has left an original successor in Georges Courteline, was the great joker of Paris who died in 1905, at fifty years of age. He clothes his ideas in jaunty, rakish, crisp, up-to-date style, in the language of the reporter and of the boulevards. Like most of the modern French literary aspirants, Allais made his début in the Paris journals. He wrote humorous, fantastic monologues full of life, and what the French call "verve," which is a kind of sprightly enthusiasm tempered by an original personality. He has written, besides the three-act vaudeville called "L'Innocent," in collaboration with Alfred Capus, several other plays and vaudevilles which are immensely popular with the Parisians._
[Illustration]
THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR BY ALPHONSE ALLAIS
Translated by Emil Friend. Copyright, 1892, by The Current Literature Publishing Company.
I stepped upon the platform at Baisenmoyen-Cert station, where my friend Lenfileur awaited me with his carriage.
While on the train I suddenly recollected something that required immediate attention at Paris. Upon my arrival at Baisenmoyen-Cert, I went to the telegraph office to send back a message.
This station differed from others of its class because of the total lack of writing materials.
After a prolonged exploration, I finally succeeded in capturing a rusty pen, dipping it in some colorless, slimy fluid. With heroic effort I succeeded in daubing down the few words of my telegram. A decidedly unprepossessing woman grudgingly took the despatch, counted it, and named the rate, which I immediately paid.
With the relieved conscience of having fulfilled a duty, I was about to walk out when my attention was attracted by a young lady at one of the tables manipulating a Morse key. With slight hauteur she turned her back toward me.
Was she young? Probably. She certainly was red-haired. Was she pretty? Why not? Her simple black dress advantageously displayed a round, agreeable form; her luxuriant hair was arranged so as to reveal a few ringlets and a splendid white neck. And suddenly a mad, inexplicable desire to plant a kiss upon those golden ringlets seized me. In the expectation that the young lady would turn round, I stopped and asked the elderly woman a few questions anent telegraph affairs. Her replies were not at all friendly.
The other woman, however, did not stir.
Whoever supposes that I did not go to the telegraph office the next morning does not know me.
The pretty, red-haired one was alone this time.
Now she was compelled to show her face, and, _Sapristi!_ I could not complain.
I purchased some telegraph stamps, wrote several messages, asked a number of nonsensical questions, and played the part of a chump with amazing fidelity.
She responded calmly, prudently, in the manner of a clever, self-possessed, and polite little woman.
And I came daily, sometimes twice a day, for I knew when she would be alone.
To give my calls a reasonable appearance I wrote innumerable letters to friends and telegraphed to an army of bare acquaintances a lot of impossible stuff. So that it was rumored in Paris that I had suddenly become deranged.
Every day I say to myself: "To-day, my boy, you must make a declaration." But her cold manner suppressed upon my lips the words: "Mademoiselle, I love you."
I invariably confined myself to stammering:
"Be kind enough to give me a three-sou stamp."
The situation gradually became unbearable.
As the day for my return approached, I resolved to burn my ships behind me and to venture all to win everything.
I walked into the office and wrote the following message:
"Coquelin, Cadet,[15] 17 Boulevard Haussmann, Paris: I am madly in love with the little red-haired telegraph operator at Baisenmoyen-Cert."
I tremblingly handed her the telegram.
I expected at least, that her beautiful white complexion would effulge.
But no!
Not a muscle relaxed! In the calmest manner in the world she said: "Fifty-nine centimes, please."
Thoroughly nonplused by this queenly serenity, I fumbled about in my pockets for the coin.
But I could not find a sou. From my pocket-book I took a thousand-franc note and gave it her.
She took the bank-note and scrutinized it carefully.
The examination terminated favorably, for her face was suddenly wreathed in smiles, and she burst into a charming ripple of infectious laughter, displaying her marvelously handsome teeth.
And then the pretty young mademoiselle asked in Parisian cadence, the cadence of the Ninth Arrondissement[16]: "Do you want the change?"
FOOTNOTES:
[15] Coquelin Cadet (the Younger) is Ernest Coquelin, younger brother of Constant Coquelin, who is known as Coquelin Ainé (the Elder). Both are famous actors belonging to the Comédie Française and have visited America. The younger enjoys the greater popularity because of his jokes and the reputation he has made with his clever monologues, for the most part written as well as interpreted by himself.
[16] Paris is divided into twenty Arrondissements, or boroughs, each having its own mayor and borough hall. The 9th Arrondissement includes part of the Grand Boulevards, and the Opera House.
INDEX BY TITLES
TITLE AND AUTHOR PAGE
ACCURSED HOUSE, THE, Émile Gaboriau, 1415
ANCESTOR, THE, Paul Bourget, 1605
AT THE PALAIS DE JUSTICE (At the Pa'lay de Justeese'), Alphonse Daudet, 1319
BAL MASQUÉ, A (A Bal Maskay'), Alexandre Dumas 1105
BEAUTY-SPOT, THE, Alfred de Musset, 1185
BIT OF STRING, THE, Guy de Maupassant, 1571
BJÖRN SIVERTSEN'S WEDDING TRIP, Holger Drachmann, 547
BOLESS (Bōless'), Maxim Gorki, 273
"BONJOUR, MONSIEUR" (Bonzshoor' Mseeur'), Jean Richepin, 1559
BOUM-BOUM, Jules Claretie, 1327
BRIC-A-BRAC AND DESTINIES, Gabriele Reuter, 929
BROKEN CUP, THE, Heinrich Zschokke, 663
CASTLE NEIDECK, Wilhelm Heinrich von Riehl, 691
CAVALLERIA RUSTICANA (Cavalleer'ia Rusticah'na), Giovanni Verga, 347
CIRCÉ (Seer'say), Octave Feuillet, 1257
CLAUDE GUEUX (Clawd Güirr'), Victor Hugo, 1083
CLOAK, THE, Nikolai Gogol, 21
COUNTING-HOUSE, THE, Ivan Turgenev, 81
CURSE OF FAME, THE, Ignatiy Potapenko, 183
DEAD ARE SILENT, THE, Arthur Schnitzler, 955
DEAN'S WATCH, THE, Erckmann-Chatrian, 1289
DELIVERANCE, Max Nordau, 903
DUEL, THE, Nikolai Teleshov, 263
EASTER NIGHT, Vladimir Korolénko, 153
END OF CANDIA, THE, Gabriele D'Annunzio, 411
FAUST, Eugène Chirikov, 231
FÊTE AT COQUEVILLE, THE (The Fate at Cǒh'kvil), Émile Zola, 1427
FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH, THE, Rudolf Baumbach, 849
FUR COAT, THE, Ludwig Fulda, 939
GENTLEMAN FINDS A WATCH, A, Georges Courteline, 1651
GOOD BLOOD, Ernst von Wildenbruch, 863
GRAND MARRIAGE, THE, Ludovic Halévy, 1379
HANGING AT LA PIROCHE, THE (The Hanging at La Pee-rawsh'), Alexandre Dumas (Fils), 1269
HOW THE REDOUBT WAS TAKEN, Prosper Mérimée, 1121
IRENE HOLM (Eeray'ney Hōlm), Hermann Bang, 619
JALO THE TROTTER (Ya'lo the Trotter), Jacob Ahrenberg, 567
KAREN (Kah'ren), Alexander Kielland, 595
LA BRETONNE (La Bretton'), André Theuriet, 1339
LITTLE SARDINIAN DRUMMER, THE, Edmondo de Amicis, 375
LONG EXILE, THE, Leo Tolstoi, 137
LOST CHILD, THE, François Coppée, 1471
LOST LETTER, THE, Enrico Castelnuovo, 329
LOVE AND BREAD, August Strindberg, 605
LOVE OF A SCENE-PAINTER, THE, "Skitalitz", 285
LULU'S TRIUMPH, Matilda Serao, 387
MARGRET'S PILGRIMAGE, Clara Viebig, 981
MARQUISE, THE (The Markeese'), George Sand, 1149
MUMMY'S FOOT, THE, Théophile Gautier, 1237
NAPOLEON AND POPE PIUS VII, Alfred de Vigny, 1067
NECKLACE, THE, Guy de Maupassant, 1581
NEW-YEAR'S EVE CONFESSION, A, Hermann Sudermann, 917
OUTLAWS, THE, Selma Lagerlöf, 637
PLAGUE AT BERGAMO, THE, Jens Peter Jacobsen, 583
PRICE OF A LIFE, THE, Eugène Scribe, 1049
PUTOIS (Pü'twa), Anatole France, 1495
QUEEN OF SPADES, THE, Alexander Poushkin, 3
RAILROAD AND CHURCHYARD, Björnstjerne Björnson, 511
RENDEZVOUS, THE (The Rǒn'dayvoo), Ivan Turgenev, 67
SAC-AU-DOS (Sack-ō-dō), Joris Karl Huysmans, 1515
SIGN OF THE KEY AND THE CROSS, THE, Henri de Régnier, 1671
SIGNAL, THE, Vsevolod Garshin, 165
SIGNORA SPERANZA (Seenyo'ra Speran'za), Luigi Pirandello 427
SILVER CRUCIFIX, THE, Antonio Fogazzaro, 359
SLANDERER, THE, Anton Chekhov, 223
STONEBREAKERS, THE, Ferdinand von Saar, 793
TELEGRAPH OPERATOR, THE, Alphonse Allais, 1685
THIEF, THE, Feodor Dostoievski, 109
THOU SHALT NOT KILL, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, 839
TWO MEN AND A WOMAN, Grazia Deledda, 481
UNKNOWN MASTERPIECE, THE, Honoré de Balzac, 1007
VALIA (Vah'lia), Leonid Andreiev, 309
VENDEAN MARRIAGE, THE (The Vendee'an Marriage), Jules Janin, 1131
WALL OPPOSITE, THE, Pierre Loti, 1595
WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY, Henri Lavedan, 1639
WHICH WAS THE MADMAN? Edmond About, 1349
WORK OF ART, A, Anton Chekhov, 217
YOUNG GIRL OF TREPPI, THE, Paul Heyse, 739
YOUNG GIRL'S DIARY, A, Marcel Prévost, 1659
INDEX BY AUTHORS
AUTHOR AND TITLE PAGE
ABOUT, EDMOND FRANÇOIS VALENTIN (Edmond' Fraw'nswa Valontan' Aboo'), Which Was the Madman, 1349
AHRENBERG, JOHANN JACOB (Yo'hon Ya'kǒp Ahr'enbairg), Jalo the Trotter, 567
ALLAIS, ALPHONSE (Al'fawns Allay'), The Telegraph Operator, 1685
AMICIS, EDMONDO DE (Edmǒn'dǒ de Amee'chis), The Little Sardinian Drummer, 375
ANDREIEV, LEONID (Lehǒn'id Ondray'yef), Valia, 309
D'ANNUNZIO, GABRIELE (Gaabriel'le Dannoon'dzeeo), The End of Candia, 411
BALZAC, HONORÉ DE (Honoray' de Bal'zac, as in "shall"), The Unknown Masterpiece, 1007
BANG, HERMANN JOACHIM (Hair'mon Yo'akim Bǒng), Irene Holm, 619
BAUMBACH, RUDOLF (Roo'dolf Bah'umbogh), The Fountain of Youth, 849
BJÖRNSON, BJÖRNSTJERNE (Byern'styern Byern'sun), Railroad and Churchyard, 511
BOURGET, CHARLES JOSEPH PAUL (Sharl Zshosef' Paul Boorsjay'), The Ancestor, 1605
CASTELNUOVO, ENRICO (Enree'ko Kastelnooaw'vo), The Lost Letter, 329
CHATRIAN, ALEXANDRE (Alexan'dr Sha'treean), The Dean's Watch, 1289
CHEKHOV, ANTON PAVLOVITCH (An'tǒn Pavlo'vitch Chek'hof), A Work of Art, 217 The Slanderer, 223
CHIRIKOV, EUGÈNE (Irzchayn' Cheeri'khof), Faust, 231
CLARETIE, ARSÈNE ARNAUD, called _Jules_ (Arsayn' Arno' Claraytee', _Zhool_), Boum-Boum, 1327
COPPÉE, FRANÇOIS EDOUARD JOACHIM (Fraw'nswa Edwar' Yoahkeem' Copay'), The Lost Child, 1471
COURTELINE, GEORGES (Zhawzh Coor'teleen), A Gentleman Finds a Watch, 1651
DAUDET, ALPHONSE (Alfawnz' Dō'day), At the Palais de Justice, 1319
DELEDDA, GRAZIA (Grar'tsia Deled'da), Two Men and a Woman, 481
DOSTOIEVSKY, FEODOR MIKAILOVITCH (Fe'o-dor Mikaeel'ovitch Dǒhstoyef'ski), The Thief, 109
DRACHMANN, HOLGER (Hǒhl'ger Drogh'mon), Björn Sivertsen's Wedding Trip, 547
DUDEVANT, AMANDINE LUCIE AURORE DUPIN, _Baroness Dudevant_ (Amandeen Loosee' Orore' Düpan' Dü'devon). _See_ GEORGE SAND. The Marquise, 1149
DUMAS, ALEXANDRE DAVY DE LA PAILLETERIE (Alexan'dr Da'vee d'la Pay-tree' Dumah'), A Bal Masqué, 1105
DUMAS, ALEXANDRE, FILS (Alexan'dr Dumah' Feece), The Hanging at La Piroche, 1269
ERCKMANN, ÉMILE (Aymeel' Airck'mon), The Dean's Watch, 1289
FEUILLET, OCTAVE (Octarv' Fuhyeay'), Circé, 1257
FOGAZZARO, ANTONIO (Antō'nio Fōgatzar'ro), The Silver Crucifix, 359
FRANCE, ANATOLE (Anatole' Frahnce). _See_ THIBAULT. Putois, 1495
FULDA, LUDWIG (Lood'vigh Fuhl'da), The Fur Coat, 939
GABORIAU, ÉMILE (Aymeel' Gaboreo'), The Accursed House, 1415
GARSHIN, VSEVOLOD MIKAILOVITCH (Vsevo'lǒdh Mikaeel'ovitch Garsheen'), The Signal, 165
GAUTIER, THÉOPHILE (Teyofeel' Gō'tyay), The Mummy's Foot, 1237
GOGOL, NIKOLAI VASILIEVITCH (Nikola'i Vasilye'vitch Gō'gōl), The Cloak, 21
GORKI, MAXIM (Ma'xim Gor'ki). _See_ PYESHKOV. Boless, 273
HALÉVY, LUDOVIC (Loo'dovic Halayvee'), The Grand Marriage, 1379
HEYSE, PAUL JOHANN LUDWIG (Paul Yo'hǒn Lood'vigh High'zeh), The Young Girl of Treppi, 739
HUGO, VICTOR MARIE (Victor Maree' U'go), Claude Gueux 1083
HUYSMANS, JORIS KARL (Yorees' Karl Wees'mon), Sac-au-dos, 1515
JACOBSEN, JENS PETER (Yenz Pe'ter Ya'kobsen), The Plague at Bergamo, 583
JANIN, JULES GABRIEL (Zshool Gabriel' Zshan-an), The Vendean Marriage, 1131
KIELLAND, ALEXANDER LANGE (Alexon'der Lǒng'eh Kee'lont), Karen, 595
KOROLÉNKO, VLADIMIR GALAKTIONOVITCH (Vlǒ'demer Galaktyǒhn'vitch Korolen'ko), Easter Night, 153
LAGERLÖF, SELMA (Sel'ma Log'erlerf), The Outlaws, 637
LAVEDAN, HENRI LÉON ÉMILE (Awnree' Layon' Aymeel' Lav'dan), When He Was a Little Boy, 1639
LOTI, PIERRE (Pyair' Lo'tee). _See_ VIAUD. The Wall Opposite, 1595
MAUPASSANT, HENRI RENÉ ALBERT GUY DE (Awnree' Renay' Albair' Gee de Mō-pas-son'), The Bit of String, 1571 The Necklace, 1581
MÉRIMÉE, PROSPER (Prosper' Mehreemay'), How the Redoubt Was Taken, 1121
MOINAUX, GEORGES (Zhawzh Mwa'no). _See_ COURTELINE. A Gentleman Finds a Watch, 1625
MUSSET, ALFRED LOUIS CHARLES DE (Alfred' Looee' Scharl de Müsay'), The Beauty-Spot, 1185
NORDAU, MAX SIMON (Mox See'mon Nor'dough), Deliverance, 903
PETROV, A., "_Skitalitz_" (A. Petrof'), The Love of a Scene-Painter, 285
PIRANDELLO, LUIGI (Looee'ji Pirandel'lō), Signora Speranza, 427
POTAPENKO, IGNATIY NIKOLAIEVITCH (Inya'tyeh Nikolai'evitch Pohta'penkǒ), The Curse of Fame, 183
POUSHKIN, ALEXANDER SERGEIEVITCH (Alexan'der Sergey'evitch Poosh'kin), The Queen of Spades, 3
PRÉVOST, MARCEL (Mar'cel Prayvo'), A Young Girl's Diary, 1659
PYESHKOV, ALEXEI MAXIMOVITCH (Alek'sey Maksim'ovitch Pyeshkof'). _See_ GORKI. Boless, 273
RÉGNIER, HENRI DE (Awnree' de Rayn'yey), The Sign of the Key and the Cross, 1671
REUTER, GABRIELE (Garbriel'leh Roy'ter), Bric-a-Brac and Destinies, 929
RICHEPIN, JEAN (Zshon Reesh'pan), "Bonjour, Monsieur", 1559
RIEHL, WILHELM HEINRICH VON (Vil'helm Hine'righ Ree'ayl), Castle Neideck, 691
SAAB, FERDINAND VON (Fair'dnont fon Sar), The Stonebreakers, 793
SACHER-MASOCH, LEOPOLD VON (Lay'opolt fon Sar'ker-Mass'ohgh), Thou Shalt Not Kill, 839
SAND, GEORGE. _See_ DUDEVANT. The Marquise, 1149
SCHNITZLER, ARTHUR (Ar'toor Schnitz'ler), The Dead Are Silent, 955
SCRIBE, AUGUSTIN EUGÈNE (Ogūstan' Irzsh'ayn Screeb), The Price of a Life, 1049
SERAO, MATILDA (Matil'da Sera'o), Lulu's Triumph, 387
"SKITALITZ" (Skitar'lits). _See_ PETROV. The Love of a Scene-Painter, 285
STRINDBERG, JEAN AUGUST (Zhjan Ow'goost Strind'bairg), Love and Bread, 605
SUDERMANN, HERMANN (Hair'mon Soo'dermon), A New-Year's Eve Confession, 917
TELESHOV, NIKOLAI (Nikola'i Tele'shǒf), The Duel, 263
THEURIET, CLAUDE ADHÉMAR ANDRÉ (Clawd Adhemar Ondray' Ture'yey), La Bretonne, 1339
THIBAULT, ANATOLE FRANÇOIS (Anatole' Frah'nswa Tee'-bō). _See_ ANATOLE FRANCE. Putois, 1495
TOLSTOI, LEO NIKOLAIEVITCH (Lay'o Nikolai'evitch Tol'stwi), The Long Exile, 137
TURGENEV, IVAN (Ee'von Tourgey'nyef), The Rendezvous, 67 The Counting-House, 81
VERGA, GIOVANNI (Jyo-vaa'ni Vair'ga), Cavalleria Rusticana, 347
VIAUD, LOUIS MARIE JULIEN (Looee' Maree' Zshoolyan' Vyo'). _See_ LOTI, PIERRE. The Wall Opposite, 1595
VIEBIG, CLARA (Clara Vee'bigh), Margret's Pilgrimage, 981
VIGNY, ALFRED VICTOR, COMTE DE (Alfred' Victor', Cawnt de Veenyee'), Napoleon and Pope Pius VII, 1067
WILDENBRUCH, ERNST VON (Airnst fǒn Vil'denbroogh), Good Blood, 863
ZOLA, ÉMILE (Aymeel' Zō'la), The Fête at Coqueville, 1427
ZSCHOKKE, JOHANN HEINRICH DANIEL (Yo'hon Hine'righ Dan'yel Tchohk'ke), The Broken Cup, 663