CHAPTER XXXV.
_How a person in heaviness ought to give up himself into the hands of God._
_Christian._ LORD God, holy Father, be thou blessed both now and for evermore; because as thou willest, so it is done, and what thou dost is good.
Let thy servant rejoice in thee, not in himself, nor in any thing else; for thou alone art the true gladness, thou art my hope and my crown, thou art my joy and my honour, O Lord.
What hath thy servant, but what he hath received from thee, even without any merit of his?
Thine is all that thou hast given, and whatsoever thou hast made.
I am poor, and in labour from my youth: and sometimes my soul is sorrowful even unto tears; sometimes also it is troubled, by reason of the evils which hang over my head.
2. I long after the joy of peace, I earnestly crave the peace of thy children, that are led by thee in the light of thy comfort.
If thou givest peace, if thou pourest into my heart holy joy; the soul of thy servant shall be full of gladness, and shall become devout in thy praise:
But if thou withdrawest thyself, he will not be able to run the way of thy commandments, but rather he will bow his knees, and smite his breast, for it is not with him as it was heretofore, when thy candle shone upon his head, and he was protected under the shadow of thy wings, from the temptations which violently assaulted him.
*O righteous Father, and ever to be praised, the hour is come that thy servant is to be tried.
Behold, dear Father, meet it is that in this hour thy servant suffer something for thy sake.
O Father, ever more be honoured, the hour is come; that for a short time thy servant should outwardly be oppressed, but inwardly live with thee.
That he should be a little despised, humbled, and made abject in the sight of men, and worn down with heaviness; that he may rise again with the morning of the new light, and be glorified in heaven.
Holy Father, thou hast so appointed it; and this is fulfilled which thyself hast commanded.
3. It is a favour to thy friend, that he may suffer and be afflicted in the world for the love of thee, how often soever, and by whomsoever, thou permittest it to fall upon him.
Nothing cometh to pass on earth without thy counsel, without thy providence, or without a cause.
It is good for me, Lord, that thou hast afflicted me, that I may learn thy righteous judgment, and cast away all haughtiness of heart, and presumption.
*It is profitable to me, that shame hath covered my face, that I may rather seek to thee for comfort than to men.
4. I have learned also here to dread thy unsearchable judgments, who afflictest the just with the wicked, but not without equity and justice.
I give thee thanks, for that thou hast not spared my sins, but hast worn me away, inflicting sorrows, and sending griefs within and without.
There is none under heaven that can comfort me, but thou my Lord God, the heavenly physician of souls, that strikest and healest, bringest down to hell, and bringest back again.
Let thy correction be upon me, and let thy rod instruct me.
5. Behold, dear Father, I am in thy hands, I bow myself under the rod of thy correction:
Strike my back and my neck, that my perverseness may be conformed to thy will.
Make me an holy and humble disciple of thine (as thou art wont to do) that I may be ready at every beck of thy pleasure.
I commend myself and all that is mine unto thee to be corrected.
It is better to be corrected here than hereafter.
Thou knowest every thing, and there is nothing in the conscience of man hidden from thee.
Before things are done, thou knowest that they will come to pass, and hast no need that any should teach thee, or admonish thee of those things which are done on earth.
Thou knowest what is expedient for my profiting, and how fit tribulation is to scour off the rust of my sins.
Do with me according to thy good pleasure, and disdain me not for my sinful life; better and more clearly known to none than to thee alone.
6. Grant me, O Lord, to know that which ought to be known, to love that which ought to be loved;
To praise that which pleaseth thee most, to esteem that which is precious unto thee, to despise that which is contemptible in thy sight.
Suffer me not to judge according to the sight of the outward eyes, nor to give sentence according to the hearing of the ears of ignorant men.
But to discern invisible and spiritual things with a true judgment, and, above all things, ever to search after thy good will and pleasure.