Part 6

The violent knocking at the door which occasioned the sudden dismission of the old gentleman, continued Sable, was the impatience of a lady, whose dress and appearance bespoke she was of quality; she was a tall fine figure, and her face exquisitely beautiful; her eyes were full of levity, and declared the looseness of her soul:—On her entrance she told the doctor, one of his _shop bills_ had been left at her house, and that she had heard many people speak of his great knowledge, which induced her to wait upon him.—The doctor politely acknowledged the honour she did him, and ushered her to a seat.—Mr. what’s your name—says this lady, I have been almost frighted to death these two days, by the loss of a pocket book, which I am afraid has been found by a certain person, therefore I desire you will tell me where it is, and how I may recover it.—The doctor, after having calculated the lady’s nativity, and applied to his book, told her, a servant to a gentleman she had visited, had found it in his master’s _bed-chamber_, and that he and several of his companions were at that time sat down to examine the contents of it.—The lady said she was glad it had not fallen into the hands of the person she was apprehensive of, but desired to know if he could tell her whether there was a small book of ivory leaves in it or not? The doctor told her, he would let her know the whole contents in a few minutes.—Upon which he began to make a great variety of incomprehensible figures, and in the conclusion told the lady, in one of the pockets there was a paper of _carmine_, and several sorts of powders, in the second, there was a small lock of _flaxen-coloured hair_ inclosed in a letter, which was dated from the _Temple_, and contained passionate expressions of the most tender love and eternal constancy, with an acknowledgement of favours in the most delicate terms.—The lady told the doctor there was no necessity for his being very particular, the doctor proceeding said, there was a picture in miniature of an officer, concealed under a pocket looking-glass, with several tender billet-doux addressed to Amaryllis, which had been slipt into her ladyship’s hand; in the same pocket, continues he, there is a miniature of a certain nobleman which was given to your ladyship upon your marriage; well, hang the picture and the original too, says the lady, is the book with the ivory leaves there? I shall inform your ladyship presently, replies the doctor:—In another pocket, there is a collection of _curious pictures_ in _India paper_, given to your ladyship by the gentleman who gave your ladyship the lock of hair, and artfully concealed in a small almanack book:—Here the lady blushed and told the doctor, she desired only to know if the book she mentioned was there.—The doctor begged a moment’s patience;—in a private pocket, continues he, there is a small viol of red liquor, and in another private pocket, there is a number of appointments to meet in a wood in Kensington gardens, and various other places, and a small book of ivory leaves, containing a short account of the art of intriguing, with a select number of extraordinary good _excuses_ in case of _suspicion_, and some excellent _salvos_ for _palpable discoveries_, wrote by your ladyship’s own hand, and which is the book, I presume, says the doctor, your ladyship enquired so particularly for.—It is, answered the lady, and now pray, says she, inform me how I can get it back again.—The doctor answered, he believed if her ladyship would advertise it with a handsome reward she might recover it; the lady declared she would give any thing for it, and putting two guineas into the doctor’s hand, said she hoped she might rely upon his secrecy; the doctor assured her she might, and then conducted her to a hackney coach waiting at the door for her.

The next who came to consult the keeper of the book of knowledge, continued Sable, was a young lady of a most engaging countenance, her natural air and the taste of her dress, seemed to vie with each other, in rendering her an object of love,—if it was possible for envy to have fixed upon any thing that seemed imperfect, it must have been rather too much levity, which her eyes expressed. This young lady having informed the doctor, what he required to know, she told him she had three lovers, who made their addresses to her; one, she said, was a gentleman of the law, another was a lieutenant in the army, and the third a gentleman of no profession, and desired to know which of them she should have; the doctor having consulted his book, told her she should marry neither of them; the young lady was a good deal surprized, and desired if she should have neither of them,—to know who else would be her lot.—I find, miss, says the doctor, you will have several offers from tradesmen, whom you will reject; for though you have no fortune, yet you will adhere to your darling hopes of marrying a gentleman, but you will be deceived in your expectations. I have always been told, says the lady, by people of your profession, and that by more than one, that I should be marryed to a gentleman.—Those who have told you so, replies the doctor, deceived you; they have injured many young people, adds he, by flattering the passions of the credulous, which has influenced the conduct of weak people, and laid the foundation of their ruin.—Sir, says the lady, I believe it is a maxim amongst _Fortune-tellers_, to speak ill of every one in the profession besides themselves, but Sir, adds she, you have not told me who I am to marry.—It is out of my power, madam, says the doctor, for though I can frequently see you a _Votress_ at the _altar of Love_, yet I cannot find that you will ever enter the _Hymeneal Temple_.—I must confess, says the lady, you are the most discouraging foreteller of events that I ever met with, and I have had my fortune told me by _Cards_, _Coffee-grounds_, by inspecting the _lines_ of my _hand_, and by the _Man in the Old Bailey_, and have always been told that I should marry a _handsome black gentleman_, nay, how many children I should have, and that I should be very prosperous, and end my days in a _large handsome house_. My art deceives me greatly, replies the doctor, if there is any truth in any of these things, except indeed, that you will end your days in a large handsome house. What, you do agree with him in that! says the lady, I should be vastly glad if you can tell me whereabout it is situated; the doctor, after having taken some time in ascertaining the Geography, told her, he could not tell her any other way, than by sketching out the appearance of it; and in a few minutes told her, if she would look upon a paper he shewed her, she might probably know it;—the young lady was very eager to behold the plan of the mansion that she was to conclude her life in, and perusing it attentively, I saw her cheeks glow with indignation, and throwing the paper down, left the room, pronouncing as she went—an _Hospital_ indeed!

The first appearance of this young lady, says Sable, revived in me the sensations of my youth, and I must confess my heart was greatly interested in her fate; but the information of the doctor filled me with great anxiety, though I hope his presages will prove his knowledge not infallible.

A lady far declined in the vale of years, next entered to consult the stars: The fame of your great knowledge in the mysteries of fate, says this antiquated lady, hath made me resolve to wait upon you in an affair that concerns me very nearly: The doctor assured her, that as far as his knowledge extended, he would answer any thing she was desirous of knowing: Sir, says the lady, I have a fortune of twenty thousand pounds, and am yet a virgin; but, adds she, I have thoroughly considered the design and end of marriage, and am now convinced that it is an institution calculated for the mutual benefit of both sexes. The scripture too, continues she, instructs us to associate together for the procreation of our species, and therefore I am now resolved to comply with the dictates of the divine law and the _call of nature_—(I must confess, says Sable, I was a good deal surprized to hear a woman, who seemed to be not far distant from what is called the grand climacterick of her age, talk of the procreation of her species in this manner, and of her resolution to follow the call of nature) Your sentiments, madam, says the doctor, are certainly right, and I have chosen, says this wrinkled old lady _a proper young Gentleman_ to partake of conjugal felicity with me, and by whom I may fulfil the divine command: Undoubtedly, madam, says the doctor, a young man is more proper for such cases than a man of your own years: I think so indeed, Sir, says the lady, though I believe I should have children by almost any man; for I am of a very _fruitful_ family, nor am I, continued she, so old as perhaps you may imagine me;—but, Sir, says she, my business with you, is to know whether I shall receive any ill treatment from him, how many children I shall have, and whether my _intentions_ will be _thoroughly answered_ by marrying this young gentleman, for I am resolved upon that, and the marriage writings are bespoke. Madam, says the doctor, I will resolve you presently; upon which he turned to his book, and after casting the necessary figures for information, told the lady, she might depend upon receiving no _male-treatment_ from her intended spouse: that all her _reasonable_ expectations would be answered, such as having the credit of one of the handsomest men in town for her husband, keep what company she pleased, go where she pleased; and in short, do what she pleased, as she did before marriage, for that her husband would never trouble her about any thing:—But, Sir, says the lady, you don’t speak of the other comforts I should expect, and which was my chief design in marriage.—All the other comforts of marriage, Madam, says the doctor; you will receive by _Proxy_.—_Proxy_, Sir! says the lady, what do you mean? Why, madam, replies the doctor, you will enjoy your husband’s company, at bed and board by _Proxy_, bear children by _Proxy_: Don’t tell me, Sir, interrupted this ancient virgin, of bearing children by _Proxy_, I look upon myself as capable of bearing Children as any young girl whatever, and assure you, Sir, I shall not desire any one to bear them for me, and so, Sir, your servant, and immediately hobbled down stairs repeating frequently as she went, the word _Proxy_.

And now, my son, continues Sable, to his gay companion, I believe I have related to you all the occurrences, that are worthy your attention, during my stay with this fortune-teller; were I to give you a detail of every particular person’s desire, whose simplicity or curiosity brought them to our nocturnal temple, it would take up more time than I fear I have to continue with you, nor would it be either entertaining or instructive to you, but rather the vast numbers of people, of all ranks, who came to enquire how far they and their trivial concerns were the peculiar care of the stars, would create in you a mean opinion of the wisdom of the inhabitants of this town.—The truth is, continued Sable, the particular disposition of the people of this metropolis, to credit the most absurd and impossible performances, when undertaken by _Foreigners_, is one of their chief characteristicks; and the preference and encouragement given to Foreigners of all denominations, who come here, as to the Land of Promise, to seek their fortunes, enables them to return and purchase estates in their own country, whose produce is equal to the revenue of many Princes; and I have heard it said, that there is at this day, a most superb and magnificent house, or rather palace, in Italy, which was built by a famous eunuch, who resided here some time; on which he has wrote on several conspicuous places, _ENGLISH_ FOLLY.—You will naturally ask, says Sable, what the excellence of these strollers consists in;—in an exceeding acute taste, continues he, in the choice of the most debilitating pleasures, that can render the mind mean and contemptible; and as there are always people who make a business of pleasure, these panders are at hand, ready to administer to them, the fruits of their knowledge; so that, continues Sable, those who for half a score of years, have been under tutors, beginning to restrain the power of their passions, are in a few months deprived of the benefits they have paid so dearly for, both in time and money; and by listening to these purveyors of pleasure, give themselves up to every ignoble gratification, that can debase the mind, or corrupt their sentiments.

Sable having indulged himself in exposing the ill consequences that result from the extraordinary encouragement Foreigners receive to export themselves among us, thus continued his narration.

The retailer of the events of fortune, resumed Sable, having exhausted all his stock of knowledge, and the limited time of his continuance in this metropolis being expired, he disposed of the utensils belonging to his profession, such as a beard of a most reverend length, a pair of globes, magic wand, &c. &c. &c. to the manager of a strolling company, to equip serjeant Kite for an Ægyptian astrologer; but I was disposed of to an old cloaths-man, the manager refusing me, saying he had already in his wardrobe, a Black Coat for an _Undertaker_, _Apothecary_ or _Parson_.

The dealer in left-off cloaths, resumed Sable, having deposited the consideration which was exchanged for me, shifted me into his green bag, and marched with me again to my old neighbourhood of St. Giles; where I was no sooner arrived, than I began to experience the torment of the brushes, and remained twenty-four hours, stretched upon the rack, and then was delivered over to a botcher, to repair the fractured fibres which the press had forced asunder. My old preservative the nap, having like a faithless friend, abandoned me, when I stood most in need of assistance. My owner having thus furbished me up, I was conducted into the shop, and hung among the _better sort_ of _second-hand gentlemen_.

The third day, continued Sable, I was summoned into the parlour, and was ordered to be tried upon a middle-aged gentleman, and met with his approbation; so leaving his former attendant, which was in a very bad condition, and paying a small fee more to the salesman, he conducted me to a street, near Red-Lion-Square, where he ascended into a garret. It being evening, continued Sable, I had not an opportunity of forming any judgment of the profession of my new owner, though I imagined he was either a great œconomist, or that poverty and he were joint tenants of the apartment; for upon the candle’s going out (which from a seeming affection to my unknown master, had long laboured to support life) he retired to rest, though very early in the evening;—as soon as day-light would permit me, continued Sable, I began to take an inventory of the furniture; which I found consisted of an old miserable bed and bedstead, with a coverlet and an old blue curtain, which was fixed to the side of the bedstead; adjoining to the casement, a whitewashed wall served to keep the wind from intruding upon the privacy of the reposed gentleman on the other side, and also to receive that which some people of a phlegmatick constitution, carry with them in their pockets. A table next presented itself, which seemed to lament the loss of a flap, that either time, or something else, had amputated from it, and which was laid across a chair, the cane-bottom having given way; two other maimed chairs supported themselves by leaning against the wall, one of which sustained me; the next were two deal boxes, which occupied a fourth part of the room, one of which wanting a lid disclosed a confused heap of papers, amongst which I saw the cover of a letter directed to Mr. Stanza; and lastly a shelf that ran the length of the room, on which lay one black pudding.

From the letter and papers in the box, continued Sable, I concluded, I was now the property of an author. Early in the morning, Mr. _Stanza_ (that being my owner’s name) got up, and taking down the blue curtain, wrapt it about him, tying it round with a garter; so that it made a tolerable good morning gown, wanting nothing but sleeves, and sitting down to the table, he put the finishing stroke to the poem, and then read it over with great satisfaction. He next prepared to equip himself to go out, which took up the best part of two hours; (including the cleaning of his shoes,) and performing some very dexterous operations on his stockings) however, at length, he was drest, and carefully folding up his poem put it into his pocket, and after reconnoitring the street door through the casement, sallied forth. Near Gray’s-Inn, in Holborn, two men stept up to him, and one of them whispering him in the ear, informed him of a piece of news, that I found by his “rueful length of face” was rather disagreeable to him, and these two gentlemen conducting him to a house in Gray’s-Inn-Lane, I found the bard was under an arrest, though I did not imagine a poet was within the jurisdiction of any court, but the court of criticism, or that he was liable to answer any plaint but what arose within the province of _Parnassus_. However Mr. Stanza was left by his two companions under lock and key; but as he soon began to recover his spirits, I imagined he intended to remove the plaint, and have his cause tried before _Apollo_, but he was the next day, for want of bail, removed to the _Fleet-Prison_.

This prison, continued Sable, tho’ it is said to be the best in the kingdom, is a most shocking place, the generality of the inhabitants being those who have brought themselves here, either by idleness or extravagance, and very few of those bring in with them any principle of honesty or sense of shame, or if they do, they generally get rid of such troublesome companions in a very short time; most of them divert reflection by amusement, or drown it by debauchery, which weakens the mind to such a degree, that they scarce ever after are capable of reflection, as some colds take away the voice, which is never to be recovered again; those who are forced thither by misfortunes, find it difficult to maintain their principles; so naturally and imperceptibly do we imbibe the sentiments and manners of those with whom we are accustomed to converse.

One day being at the billiard table, which is permitted to be set up here for the recreation of _Gentlemen_, I recognized the person of my ingenious companion the sharper, who it seems, had been excelled in his own way, and outwitted by a bailiff; I must confess, says Sable, if it should have happened, that I should ever have had occasion to have enquired for this genius, I should have applied to this place, if I had not found him in the _printed Register of Deaths_ published by the _Ordinary of Newgate_: And it is more than probable the latter will be yet honoured with his name.—But to return to my fellow prisoner Mr. Stanza, who had, I learned, been in his youth a man of gaiety, and had with great facility run through a pretty fortune, and afterwards run through the several characters of gamester, fortunehunter, and sharper, but with very indifferent success, and had now taken up the _lucrative_ calling of a poet. The bard, continued Sable, whose happy disposition was superior to fate, in two or three days, began to be reconciled to his situation, and applied very closely to his profession, consuming much ink and paper; and in three months, that I continued with him there, he had written three acts of a tragedy, two acts of a comedy, almost finished a dramatic pastoral entertainment, and drawn many characters for farces, besides several poetical essays, which from the want of taste in the publishers, had been rejected and lay dead upon his hands; but the publick will have the pleasure of perusing them in his works, which he intends to publish by subscription, having already written thirty pages of a preface: add to these, continued Sable, he was an excellent _Handycraftsman_, and three times a week, furnished the carpenters and joiners of a certain periodical work with _easy chairs, wooden spoons, &c. &c. &c._[A] the materials for which, he pilfered from the storehouses of several eminent Parnassian merchants, and sold as _new cut_ from the _Forest of Parnassus_, daubing it over by way of disguise, with a nasty composition of his own making.—You will think, continued Sable, from what I have related to you concerning Mr. Stanza, that he was a man of great erudition and genius, as well as industry and perseverance. It must be confessed, says Sable, that if he could not boast so much of the former, as some authors, it is certain that he excelled most of them in the latter, so that what was deficient in quality, was amply made up by the quantity; and though it might be alledged against him, that his labours did not any way contribute to the improvement of his readers; yet, should he be arraigned by some ill-natured critick, for not having answered the intention of his profession, he might, with great propriety, plead his _head_, as women at the Old Bailey, sometimes in arrest of judgment plead their _belly_; and if the court should direct a jury of criticks to enquire, if he had neither _wit_ or _learning_, they would, if it was an impartial jury, certainly return _non est inventus_, and consequently, he would be discharged.