Part 23

But stronger at this moment than ever before she felt undeniably, inviolably, that there was in her something indestructible.

She was quite humble before that which she felt within her, with the humility of a mother who feels a strange life stir in her womb.

“My poor soul,” she said softly, “what have I done to you? Why have I never thought of taking care of and helping you? Why did I always want to set you wandering in the cold space between the stars? Poor soul, why do I have you, if you merely suffer on my account and I on yours? Sometime I shall know, sometime I shall learn all. I would not like to die, no, I would not like to die before I know why I have lived.”

The memory of Eccarius crossed her mind—“No one ought to die before he has learned to love death.”

“No, I do not love death. I do not fear him, but I do not love him. I will learn to love him. I will live in order to learn to love death. Perhaps that is why we have to live. And perhaps that is why we have to suffer.”

The voices in the next room hushed. The strange familiar odor had disappeared from the room.

In the sky the stars were paling before the first feeble light of a dawning March morning.

THE END

Transcriber’s Notes

This text was transcribed from the unchanged reprint edition in the collection _HOMOSEXUALITY. Lesbians and Gay Men in Society, History and Literature_, Arno Press: New York, 1975. Materials from a later date than the original publication year 1948, such as series title, editorial information, or publisher advertisements, have been omitted.

The original spelling was mostly preserved. A few obvious typographical and punctuation errors were silently amended. All other changes are shown here (before/after):

[p. 62]: ... held the little flame for her asked in a casual tone, “You are a ... ... held the little flame for her he asked in a casual tone, “You are a ...

[p. 84]: ... up on the cushion of a chair and lit the gas-jet. I was evidently ... ... up on the cushion of a chair and lit the gas-jet. It was evidently ...

[p. 231]: ... is, if Gisela with allow me.” ... ... is, if Gisela will allow me.” ...