Part 2

AUTHOR My boy, I’m sure of it. Of course, it’s largely up to you. If you’re willing to take sound advice, I know I can help you. I’ve solved many triangles in my time. That’s the kind of novel I have always written, and I always see to it that there’s a good moral attached. So do you feel it safe to listen to me? SHE-ANGLE Oh, yes! (_To_ HE-ANGLE.) I’m sure he’s going to be able to help us! AUTHOR Now then.

The first thing you’re to do is to send for your husband and tell him all about it. SHE-ANGLE Tell him! Oh, I can’t do that! AUTHOR Yes, you must tell him. Now twenty years ago you would not have been able to do that, but now--all is different. Twenty years ago it would have meant a duel or a murder. To-day, however, husbands are different. I suppose we novelists are really responsible for the change.

Realism has done it. Realism has made men realize that man and wife are two separate and individual entities. The wife, man now realizes, has a right to lead her own life as she chooses. And he accepts it. Realism has done it! SHE-ANGLE But my husband doesn’t. AUTHOR Doesn’t what? SHE-ANGLE Accept it.

He doesn’t believe it. He wouldn’t allow it! AUTHOR But how do you know unless you try him? I am willing to stake my reputation as a Novelist that he would be amenable to argument. SHE-ANGLE But he hates arguments. I never could even argue with him over the price of a hat. AUTHOR Besides, perhaps he, too, is tired. SHE-ANGLE Tired of what?

AUTHOR Of--of marriage. SHE-ANGLE Oh! of marriage. Of me, you mean? AUTHOR That is putting it very bluntly. But, since you put it that way--yes. SHE-ANGLE (_turning to_ HE-ANGLE) Oh! HE-ANGLE See here! What are you trying to insinuate?

AUTHOR I’m not trying to insinuate anything. My dear man, I am simply appealing to your sense of justice. It is not unreasonable to conceive of a mutual feeling of surfeit arising in man and wife. That has frequently been the case, as you will realize if you read the popular novel. We novelists were among the first to recognize it. It will soon be put on the stage. SHE-ANGLE I’m sure he isn’t tired of me. AUTHOR Of you--probably not.

But of marriage and its restrictions--yes, perhaps. HE-ANGLE But, suppose he were tired of marriage. What good would all this be? AUTHOR You should be able to come to some arrangement. Divorce, perhaps. SHE-ANGLE I hate divorce! It’s so vulgar! AUTHOR Oh, not any more.

It’s really very smart. SHE-ANGLE I don’t like it! AUTHOR Well, I don’t know how you’re going to get out of this mess if you won’t listen to divorce. There’s no chance of your husband’s dying you told the playwright. There are only two other ways out. SHE-ANGLE And what are they? AUTHOR Murder and free love. I don’t suppose you’ll commit murder?

SHE-ANGLE (_shrinking_) Oh, no! Murder my husband! AUTHOR It’s not so very bad. Really, murder may be so committed that it is neither vulgar nor sinful. SHE-ANGLE Not sinful! AUTHOR Of course not. Murder is not necessarily sinful. It is held to be so only as a matter of convenience and because people have a naïve way of speaking of one’s having a right to live.

After all, no one has any real right except to die. Murder is not considered sinful even by so-called moralists if it be done for a patriotic reason as in war. To ease your conscience, then, can’t you think of a patriotic reason why your husband should die? Does he obey the laws? SHE-ANGLE Why, yes, I think so. At least as much as any one does. But let’s not discuss that. I won’t murder him and I won’t have him murdered!

AUTHOR Well then. Free love? SHE-ANGLE But that certainly is sinful! AUTHOR Oh, no! How old-fashioned you are! SHE-ANGLE Well, I don’t care if I am old-fashioned. I’m not going to do anything that my conscience says is wrong! AUTHOR Well, all I have to say is that you’re a queer pair.

You’ve been unconventional enough to go and fall in love. That does not seem to you to be wrong, but you balk at divorce, murder, and free love. I’m sure I don’t see any help for you. What you need is not a Novelist or a Playwright or a Poet, but a Psychiatrist. Good day! (_He goes out at left._) SHE-ANGLE What a disagreeable man! HE-ANGLE Realism did it! SHE-ANGLE I don’t believe he’s much of an Author. HE-ANGLE Trash is all he writes, probably.

SHE-ANGLE Free love! HE-ANGLE Murder! (_An_ ACTRESS _rises somewhere in the audience_.) ACTRESS Let me help you! SHE-ANGLE Who is that? ACTRESS (_coming toward stage_) I know I can help you if you’ll let me. I know just how you feel. (PROLOGUE _assists her to the stage_.) PROLOGUE And your name? ACTRESS I’m an Actress. PROLOGUE (_to_ SHE-ANGLE) She’s an Actress. SHE-ANGLE (_to_ HE-ANGLE) She’s an Actress.

HE-ANGLE An Actress! ACTRESS (_going to_ SHE-ANGLE _at once sympathetic and patronizing and always fully realizing that she is going to have an opportunity to hold the center of the stage_:) You poor dear, I know how you feel. I know. SHE-ANGLE I’ve suffered much. ACTRESS I know. I know. HE-ANGLE Can you help us? ACTRESS (_turning to him; every movement is deliberate, studied_) Yes.

HE-ANGLE I’m sure you can. ACTRESS Yes. SHE-ANGLE My husband, you know-- ACTRESS I know. SHE-ANGLE How can you help us? ACTRESS Ah, you must be deft. You must be subtle. But not too subtle. SHE-ANGLE But, go on!

ACTRESS It is all so very simple. First you must decide what you want. Do you want to marry your lover? SHE-ANGLE Yes. ACTRESS Do you want that most of all? SHE-ANGLE Yes, most of all. ACTRESS Then you must realize there is only one solution--divorce. As the Author says it is very smart.

It is not vulgar unless the husband gets it. If the wife gets it, divorce is quite all right. Of course, murder is all right if you’re a tragedienne. Are you a tragedienne? SHE-ANGLE I can’t act! ACTRESS Then it must be divorce and you must be the one to obtain it. That is very simple. Your husband loves you?

Yes? SHE-ANGLE I’m sure of it! ACTRESS Yes. I know! Yes, your husband loves you. You must, however, show him that your love for him has died, that you love another and that you must either marry this other man or be his mistress. SHE-ANGLE Oh! ACTRESS I know how you feel.

I know. SHE-ANGLE But I can’t do that! ACTRESS Oh, yes, you can. You must only be deft. You must act. You must show him how you suffer. SHE-ANGLE But how? ACTRESS I shall show you.

We shall have a rehearsal now. I shall be you, and your lover will be your husband. You must watch me carefully. Then you do as I do. SHE-ANGLE Ah, I see. ACTRESS (_going up toward_ HE-ANGLE) I shall call him John. It need not be his name, but it will do in rehearsal. Besides, I like simple names in emotional scenes.

Monosyllables are best. They’re so tense when used alone. (_Turning again toward_ HE-ANGLE.) You must help me now. I want you to do just the things and say the things you would if you were really John. John! HE-ANGLE Yes, dear. ACTRESS I have something to say to you, John dear. HE-ANGLE Yes, dear? (ACTRESS _sits on stool beside_ HE-ANGLE. _She sits impassive, tense._) ACTRESS Won’t you sit down? (HE-ANGLE _sits_.) ACTRESS How long have we been married, John? HE-ANGLE Why, five years, dear.

Why? ACTRESS We’ve been very happy, haven’t we, John? HE-ANGLE I don’t know what you mean! ACTRESS We’ve been happy, haven’t we? That is all. HE-ANGLE Yes, dear. But-- ACTRESS You’ve loved me, John? HE-ANGLE Always.

ACTRESS You still love me, John? (HE-ANGLE _wavers a little. He feels that this is getting a bit deep._) ACTRESS Don’t be bashful. Remember this is only a rehearsal. Put your arms around me and kiss me. John would. (HE-ANGLE _is not unwilling, but the presence of_ SHE-ANGLE _disturbs him somewhat, particularly as the latter is beginning to lose interest in the technical side of the rehearsal and to resent the liberties the_ ACTRESS _is taking with her lover_.) ACTRESS Do as I say or I can’t go on. Do you still love me, John? HE-ANGLE (_taking her in his arms with a mixture of contentment and apprehension, he kisses her_) There, dear. Does that answer your question?

ACTRESS I’m afraid it does. HE-ANGLE Afraid? ACTRESS Yes, John, afraid. HE-ANGLE (_in the spirit of the play_) But why do you say that? ACTRESS Oh, John. I don’t know how I can ever tell you. HE-ANGLE Tell me what? ACTRESS (_parenthetically_) Oh, you’re doing fine.

Tell you that-- HE-ANGLE Yes? ACTRESS Oh, John, I no longer love you! HE-ANGLE What? ACTRESS Oh, John. It’s true. Kill me! Do anything with me! I don’t deserve your love!

I’m unworthy of you. Kill me! HE-ANGLE You don’t love me! ACTRESS Kill me. Oh, John, it’s too true, too terribly true. Would to God I had died before I met you. Then you would be saved this. Kill me, John!

HE-ANGLE (_putting his hands firmly on her shoulders and looking her in the eyes_) What do you mean? ACTRESS (_hanging her head_) Oh, John, you’re making it very hard for me. I--I love another. HE-ANGLE You’re not telling me the truth! ACTRESS I never was more serious in my life, John. HE-ANGLE You love another! ACTRESS I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. HE-ANGLE You love another!

ACTRESS But I love you, too. Honestly, I love you. But in a different sort of way. I’ll always love you, John. You’ve been so fair to me. HE-ANGLE (_taking her suddenly in his arms and kissing her passionately_) It’s a lie. Darling, say it’s a lie! (_He kisses her again._ SHE-ANGLE _does not like it. She jumps to her feet._) SHE-ANGLE (_coldly_) That will do! (HE-ANGLE _and_ ACTRESS _both turn toward her_.) SHE-ANGLE That will be enough.

ACTRESS But we’re not nearly through yet! SHE-ANGLE That is what I was afraid of. But I do not think I require any more instruction. I have learned much already. ACTRESS But what about the rest? SHE-ANGLE There isn’t going to be any rest. ACTRESS What do you mean? SHE-ANGLE I mean that I am quite capable of settling my domestic problems without any assistance from the theatrical profession.

ACTRESS Why! Why! SHE-ANGLE I know. I know. ACTRESS Of all the insults! Goodness knows, I didn’t want to interfere in your business. SHE-ANGLE Well, no one asked you to! ACTRESS You did.

You appealed to the audience. SHE-ANGLE I didn’t! All I asked of the audience was a Novelist. I didn’t ask for a chorus girl. ACTRESS A chorus girl! I’ll have you sued for slander, you silly, ignorant doll, you. A chorus girl! You free-lover!

You, you mistress! (ACTRESS _stalks off right_.) HE-ANGLE I don’t see why you did that! SHE-ANGLE (_sarcastically_) No, of course you don’t. Certainly not! HE-ANGLE She isn’t a chorus girl. SHE-ANGLE How do you know she isn’t? HE-ANGLE Well, I just know. She didn’t look like one, for one thing. SHE-ANGLE (_too agreeable_) I thought she did, but I see I was mistaken.

I shall not argue with an authority. HE-ANGLE What do you mean? SHE-ANGLE I dare say you know a great deal about chorus girls, and--and actresses. I can readily see that you are very familiar with the looks and actions of that kind of people. I understand perfectly now how you were able to carry your part so well, I-- HE-ANGLE Stop! SHE-ANGLE I shall not stop! What right have you to tell me to stop? As I was saying before you so rudely lost your temper, I quite realize that in all probability it was not your first scene with an Actress.

HE-ANGLE I say--! SHE-ANGLE You have said quite enough. Quite too much, in fact. It is all very plain to me that your intimacy with chorus girls and soubrettes has stood you in good stead to-day. I am glad to have learned that before I took some rash step. I am very glad to be able to say that whatever may be my husband’s faults, he has never frequented stage doors. HE-ANGLE What in Heaven’s name has come over you? Are you insane?

SHE-ANGLE That’s right! Call me names. Strike me! That is all there is left to do! HE-ANGLE (_he goes up to her and makes her face him_) You know everything you have said is damned foolishness. You know you had no basis for such a scene. SHE-ANGLE (_in a rage_) No basis! No basis!

To see you take another woman, a painted woman probably from a burlesque chorus, to see you take her into your arms, burning with passion, your eyes dilated, your cheeks flushed, your whole being mad with unholy love. No basis, do you say? To see you do that while still my lover! What would it be if you were married to me--if you were my husband! Oh, I have been blind! I have a husband who has at least the grace to carry on his amours behind my back, if he does carry on any. And I would have changed him for you! Oh, I have been blind!

Go! HE-ANGLE But-- SHE-ANGLE Go! Go! Do not stay another moment! Here comes my husband. I hear him outside. If you don’t go I shall have him kill you. HE-ANGLE Darling-- SHE-ANGLE Don’t use that word to me!

Go! HE-ANGLE You must listen. SHE-ANGLE I shall scream! (_The_ HUSBAND-ANGLE _enters_.) HUSBAND-ANGLE Hello, Darling. (_To_ HE-ANGLE.) How are you? SHE-ANGLE He’s just hurrying away--to meet the dearest actress in the world who has been here to call. (HE-ANGLE _gives her an ugly look_.) HE-ANGLE Good-by. SHE-ANGLE (_too sweet_) Good-by! HUSBAND-ANGLE Good-by. (HE-ANGLE _goes_.) HUSBAND-ANGLE I’ve got two seats for a good show to-night, dear. It’s a problem play. Wonderful actress.

SHE-ANGLE (_kisses him_) Oh, you darling! I love actresses. CURTAIN (PROLOGUE _gathers his trumpet sleepily under his arm. He has been half asleep during the later action of the play. He looks at the audience in some confusion and starts to go through the curtains._) PROLOGUE I’ve got to hurry or I’ll be an Epilogue. That wasn’t so hard to settle, was it? Thank you. (_He goes within the curtains._) THE END _Longer Dramas from Appleton’s List_ THE SEA WOMAN’S CLOAK and NOVEMBER EVE _By Amélie Rives (Princess Troubetzkoy)_ Out of the legends and folklore of Ireland and her own particular fantasy she has made two plays as Irish as anything of Yeats’s, Synge’s, Lady Gregory’s. As individual.

As enchanting. =The Sea Woman’s Cloak= (3 m. 3 w. and others.). =November Eve= (8 m. 8 w. and others.). $2.00. MARCH HARES _By Harry Wagstaff Gribble_ A satire in three acts. First presented in New York at the Bijou Theatre, later at the Punch and Judy in the summer of 1921, later revived at the Little Theatre. “It offers,” says _Heywood Broun_, “some of the most agile dialogue that our theatre has known and reveals its author as the possessor of a rare gift for nonsense. And his nonsense is not just for the sheer trick of the thing, but molded with satirical intent.” _New York Evening Telegram_: “A delightful work, as good as Oscar Wilde at his best, sharply defined, brilliant, and deliciously amusing.” $2.00. GOAT ALLEY _By Ernest Howard Culbertson_ _Introduction by Ludwig Lewisohn_ A drama of Negro life in three acts. First presented at the Bijou Theatre, New York City, in June, 1921. (7 m. 4 w.). _New York Tribune_: “A stunning tragedy. In the characterization there are fine perception and vivid writing. There is heartbreak in this play.” _Oakland Tribune_: “Splendidly and heroically written.

A play to meditate over.” $1.75. THE SUN CHASER _By Jeannette Marks_ _Author of “Three Welsh Plays”_ The search for happiness is the theme of this play, which is both realistic and--in the poignant figure of Ambrose Clark, who drunkenly, lamely chases the sun--subtly symbolic (11 m. 3 w. 4 g. 1 b.). _John Barrymore_: “I have read ‘The Sun Chaser.’ I think it has great beauty and a curious sense of mood and imminent vague things. I also think it brilliantly characterized.” $1.75. D. APPLETON AND COMPANY PUBLISHERS TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES Page 37: exclamation mark added after “I no longer love you”. Due to technical reasons, a symbol on the title page could not be reproduced in this text edition. It is represented in this edition as “¤”. Hyphenation of “three-cornered” normalised.