Part Two--THE PEOPLE (Confidential!)

11. THERE’S NOTHING LIKE A DAME 74 You can say that again about those in Washington.

12. G-GIRLS 77 They come in two grades: A. Government Gals--they’re many and not so glamorous. B. Glamour Gals--they’re few and not so glamorous.

13. COMPANY GALS 83 Being a dissertation on a specialty known only to Washington and how one finds same.

14. FOR IMMORAL PURPOSES 86 The capital was made for lupos. An elucidation on how one goes about being one.

15. GARDEN OF PANSIES 90 The hand-on-hip set wins the battle of Washington.

16. THE LITTLE RED HERRINGS 99 Agrarian reformers--that’s what the bright State Department lads call them, in other countries. We call those in Washington traitors.

17. KICKING THE GONG AROUND 107 When we speak of hopheads, we don’t mean Congressmen.

18. THE YOUNG IN HEART 118 Until we read this book we liked children. In Washington the little dears are devils.

19. BOOZE AND BOTTLES 123 Washingtonians imbibe three times as much as you. Where they get it, how and why, with pointers on what to do with your hollow leg.

20. CAFE AU CORN 131 That’s Washington’s Cafe Society.

21. CALL ME MADAME 134 With apologies to Irv Berlin. Being the story of the Social Climbers who climbed in when SOCIETY climbed out.

22. STRIPED PANTS 144 Elsewhere men who wear ’em bury the dead; in Washington most who wear them are dead but not buried. That’s the sad tale of what happened to the once oh, so gay diplomatic corps.

23. LOBBYIST’S LICENSE--THE RIGHT TO PETITION 155 The population consists of so many five percenters, lobbyists, fixers, lawyers, press agents and men from Missouri, you’d think everyone was taking advantage of the Constitutional guarantee.

24. RACKETS BY REMOTE CONTROL 171 Washington’s underworld is operated by local overseers for absentee landlords. This is how the system works.

25. WHO’S WHO IN MOBOCRACY 177 The Blue Book of the silk-lined aristocracy who own the works.

26. THE TERROR FROM TENNESSEE 194 Estes in Plunderland.

27. LUCKY NUMBERS 206 After all, politics is a gamble, so why shouldn’t the citizens do it too?

28. IT’S A CRIME 213 Murder and mayhem, rape and robbery are pastimes in Washington. Jail? Don’t be naïve.

29. THE LAW 220 The poor, underpaid coppers, who try to enforce it.

30. HOW TO STAY OUT OF JAIL 229 Hire the right lawyer and bondsman. This will name him.

31. THE BOSSES 234 They’re responsible for the works working. Maybe that’s why they don’t.

32. THE MONARCHS OF THE METROPOLIS 240 The “Honorable” members of Congress.

33. WIRETAPPERS, SNOOPS AND SPIES 245 The only thing they can’t tap is sign language.