Part 25

In 1912 appeared the picture, "At the Eton and Harrow Match." Here an "important lady" addresses deep square-leg, standing near the boundary, "Would you kindly move away? It's quite impossible for my daughter to see my nephew, who is batting."

[Illustration: FIRST OFFICER (to very young Subaltern, who is packing his kit for South Africa): "What on earth do you want with all those polo sticks?"

SUBALTERN: "Well, I thought we should get our fighting done by luncheon-time, and then we should have the afternoons to ourselves and could get a game of polo!"]

If cricket claims less notice in _Punch's_ pages, it must not be taken to imply any lessening of his love. The reason is to be found in the richer field for satire and ridicule provided by other pastimes. The immense development of Association football as a spectacular game, and the wholesale importation of hireling players to represent a district to which they did not belong, found no favour with _Punch_. His picture of Football Fever in the Midlands on Saturday afternoon in 1892 is deliberately grotesque and hostile. By 1904 the achievements of the Dominions and of Wales in the Rugby game lend point to _Punch's_ burlesque forecast of the "Football of the Future." International matches are to be "refereed" by well-known statesmen; Esperanto is to be spoken; and Great Britain is represented by a team of fourteen New Zealanders and one Welshman. In 1910 a weekly paper advocated weeping for men as "the true elixir of energy and the greatest of Nature's restoratives." This pronouncement was turned to good account in "A Cup Tie Episode," relating how a team, with three--love against them at half-time, turned the tables on their opponents after a copious outburst of tears. Again, when a daily paper in 1913 conducted a referendum amongst its readers to ascertain what subjects of public interest were insufficiently treated in its columns, _Punch_ asserts that "to the Editor's question 465,326 readers replied, football; 235,473, golf; 229,881, flying; and 2, foreign politics." The burlesque snapshots published in the same year if reprinted to-day would hardly be an exaggeration of the latest inanities of the camera in the football field.

While _Punch_ might plead guilty to an "insufficient treatment" of professional football, and glory in his guilt, he could not be charged with a similar neglect of golf. As a solace to the unsuccessful lady lawn-tennis player it is recommended, as early as 1894, in an audacious travesty of Goldsmith:--

When lovely woman tries to volley, But finds that men refuse to play, What charm can soothe her melancholy? What game can take her grief away?

The means her spirits to recover, To still the jeers of those that scoff, To fascinate the tardy lover, And gain his favour is--to Golf.

[Sidenote: _Punch and Tom Morris_]

[Illustration: ONE OF THE BOYS

FIRST CADDIE: "Who're ye foor this morning, Angus?"

SECOND CADDIE: "A'm foor the petticoats."]

Sacrilegious hands are laid on Mrs. Browning, in 1902, in the lament of "The Golf Widows"--i.e. women whose husbands do nothing but play or talk golf--an excellent satire on the selfishness, the "shop," and the strong language of the "strong man off his game." But there are golfers and golfers; and _Punch_ recognized one of the real heroes of the game in his "Royal and ancient friend," old Tom Morris, whose resignation of his post as green-keeper at St. Andrew's inspired this genial salutation:--

Well have you borne your fourscore years and two, Faithful in service, as in friendship true; Now, pacing slowly homewards from the Turn, Long may it be before you cross the Burn, And, ere you tread your well-loved links no more, May eight-two (plus twenty) be your score.

The popularity of golf in France has led to the framing of a complete glossary of French equivalents for the terminology of the game. _Punch_, as a good humanist, essayed a similar task at a time when the revival of Latin for conversational purposes was proposed by some hardy classicists. As he justly remarks: "The advantages of Latin in this context will not have escaped the notice of even the most superficial observers. Thus the bad effect on caddies of using strong language in the vernacular is entirely obviated. Again, when the ball is lying dead, only a dead language can render justice to the situation."

[Illustration: WILLIAM THE WHEELMAN

"'I can only emphasize the fact that I consider that physically, morally, and socially, the benefits that cycling confers on the men of the present day are almost unbounded.' (_Aside_) Wish I were on a 'Safety'!!"]

[Sidenote: _Bicycling, Croquet, Swimming_]

Of the brief vogue of bicycling among the "smart set" I have spoken already. The abuse of this indispensable machine inspired a new version of "Daisy Bell, or a Bicycle Made for Two"--"Blazy Bill or the Bicycle Cad"--of which it may suffice to quote the last stanza:--

Blazy! Blazy! Turn up wild wheeling, do! I'm half crazy, All in blue funk of you. The "Galloping Snob" was a curse, Sir, But the Walloping Wheelman is worser; I'd subscribe half a quid To be thoroughly rid Of all Bicycle Cads like you.

As a set-off, however, in "_Facilis Descensus_" _Punch_ sings gaily and genially of the "dear little Bishop" who had bought a new "bike" and found that in the joys of the wheel nothing could come up to "coasting." The picture of Mr. Gladstone on the old "ordinary" is not a representation of fact, but I print it as a reminder of the appearance of that remarkable and perilous-looking machine. Croquet, which had led a submerged existence for several years, reasserted itself in 1894, and _Punch_, in affected astonishment, asked, "Are we back in the 'sixties again?" The revival was attributed by the _Pall Mall Gazette_ to the abolition of "tight croqueting," a phrase which gave _Punch_ openings for facetious comment. In the previous year he had disrespectfully spoken of croquet as the "feeblest game," and yet admitted that, given a pretty partner, it beat golf and polo. Swimming, in its heroic form, loomed large in 1905, and in _Punch's_ picture the Channel is black with male and female athletes, while an article is devoted to a fictitious account of an hotel at Dover specially equipped to meet their needs. Women had by now taken so kindly to all kinds of sport and pastime that _Punch_ sought to reduce their competition to absurdity in the dialogue of two stalwart young men who preferred arranging flowers to shooting or golfing, because they had become "so effeminate." The sporting woman, by the way, was no favourite of Du Maurier's. Ten years earlier he had portrayed an odious specimen of the new womanhood in Miss Goldenberg, who, in reply to the question of the charming vicar's wife whether she had had good sport, replies jauntily: "Oh, rippin'! I only shot one rabbit, but I managed to injure quite a dozen more!" The "Ballad of the Lady Hockey-player" in 1903 ascribes to her a distinctly matrimonial purpose:--

And to-day I'm so excited that I feel inclined to scream, But a certain sense of modesty prevails; For this very afternoon I am to play against a team That will be composed of eligible males. Though I do not care two pins Which side loses, or which wins, I may get some introductions if I hit 'em on the shins.

Winter sports in Switzerland make their _début_ in _Punch_ in 1895 in an article on tobogganing dated "_Canton des Grisons_." Mention is made of curling, "bandy" and figure-skating, but nothing is said of ski-ing, which though practised as a sport in Norway from 1860, did not reach Switzerland till the end of the century. Another foreign importation, this time from Japan, was ju-jitsu, to the value of which _Punch_ pays a dubious tribute in 1899 in a burlesque interview with a burglar on whom a householder had ineffectually tried the new art of self-defence. In the same mood are the farcical suggestions for dealing with various awkward situations in 1905, and the overthrow of a butler by a page-boy, to the petrifaction of the servants' hall. There was a recrudescence of roller-skating in 1909 which _Punch_ deals with in pictures, prose and verse. The inexpert and self-protective lover sings, after Ben Jonson:--

Rink with me only with thine eyes, And do not clutch my frame; Clasp yonder expert's hand instead, And I'll not press my claim.

[Sidenote: _The Tyranny of Ping-pong_]

There are many allusions to "Rinkomania," but not nearly so many as to Ping-Pong, which attained the proportions of a pestilence in 1901, 1902 and 1903. _Punch_ began by calling it a "ghastly game," but kept in close touch with its progress until the tyranny was overpast. He gives us pictures of ping-pong in the kitchen; of people searching beneath the table and in corners for missing balls; a sketch of a ping-pong tournament, with local champions and devotees of all ages and callings.

In his "Cry of the Children" the younger generation lift up their voices in protest:--

We shall never know what peace is till we land upon that shore Where the fathers cease from pinging and the mothers pong no more.

In 1902 the _Table Tennis Gazette_ issued its first number, and _Punch_ speculates on the contents:--

Here you may learn if it is true That Tosher's got his Ping-Pong Blue.

The epidemic abated in 1903, and in "The Lost Golfer" _Punch_ has some excellent chaff (after Browning) of the "parlour hero," his mind temporarily unhinged by a "piffulent game." The verses begin "Just for a celluloid pilule he left us," and end with the anticipation that the "lost golfer" will yet return to his old haunts:--

Back for the Medal Day, back for our foursomes, Back from the tables' diminishing throng; Back from the infantile ceaseless half-volley, Back from the lunatic lure of Ping-Pong.

Ping-pong departed, to be revived in 1920, but another and equally devastating craze ran its course in 1907, when "Diabolo"--the old "Devil-on-two-sticks"--was the ruling passion of the hour. It was honoured with a cartoon showing John Redmond playing the "Divil of a Game," the reel being "Leadership," and numerous illustrations are devoted to the progress of the mania. _Punch_ affected to have discovered a new disease, "Diabolo Neck," which he compares and contrasts with "the Cheek of the Devil," and records the observation of an ill-tempered old gentleman, as he watched some performers "diabolizing" in Kensington Gardens: "A month or so ago that sort of thing was only being done in our Asylums."

[Illustration: FIRST THRUSTER (guiltily conscious of having rather pressed on hounds): "Now we're goin' to catch it; that's the master comin', isn't it?"

SECOND THRUSTER (his host): "It's all right. We've got two masters. That's the one that supplies the money; the other supplies the language."]

The vogue of Bridge dates from the last years of the old century. According to the veracious _Daily Mail_, in 1899 a Cambridge Professor was earning handsome fees by giving instruction in the game to members of the University, and _Punch_ embroiders the text according to his wont. In 1901 _Punch's_ cartoon "Discarded" shows Fashion, in her fool's cap, accosting "Mr. Bridge": "Come along, Partner! That dear old Mister Whist is such a bore! He is so _vieux jeu_!" Bridge figures as a gallant and picturesque cavalier, while Whist is a sour-visaged old pedant. _Punch_ was not always of one mind about the triumphant new-comer, but he cordially echoed the sentiments of the _Morning Post_ when that journal asserted that Bridge made for the abolition of the drawing-room ballad and the drawing-room ballad-monger; and it gave him abundant scope for comment and parody, e.g. his perversion of Longfellow's lines into "I played on at Bridge at midnight." Bridge, however, had not always a monopoly of attraction even in the days when its tyranny was at its height. In 1902 we encounter the tragedy of the four men driven to the nursery to play Bridge because "they are playing Ping-Pong in the dining-room, and 'Fives' in the billiard-room, Jack's trying to imitate Dan Leno in the drawing-room, Dick's got that infernal gramophone of his going in the hall, and they are laying supper in the smoking-room."

[Sidenote: _Hunting and Prize-fighting_]

It is a relief to turn from these mostly futile indoor pastimes to the robuster sports of the chase, the turf and the prize-ring. _Punch_ was fortunate in this period in having at his command, in Mr. Armour, an artist who restored the hunting pictures to a higher level of draughtsmanship than they had ever reached before. This implies no disparagement of the incomparable geniality of Leech's drawings, which in that respect have never been equalled, unless by Randolph Caldecott. But for the correct drawing of hounds, horses and riders, and for the discreet handling of the hunting landscape, Mr. Armour's equipment is above reproach. References to the turf in the early years of this period are mostly connected with Lord Rosebery. His success in winning the Derby with _Ladas_ in 1894 lends point to the "highly improbable anticipation" of _Punch's_ artist in which the Premier, in parson's garb, announces his conversion to the tenets of the Nonconformist conscience. In September of the same year we have the wail of a "disgusted backer" over the defeat of the favourite in the St. Leger:--

_Ladas, Ladas,_ Go along with you, do. I'm now stone-broke All on account of you. It wasn't a lucky Leger; I wish I'd been a hedger, Though you did look sweet Before defeat!-- But I've thoroughly done with you.

In a more serious vein of irony _Punch_, in 1906, muses on the popularity of the turf and ends with this reflection:--

Is it not odd that hitherto no poet Has thought to mention how, with lord and serf, Whether they plunge thereon, or rest below it, There is no equaliser like the Turf? Whatso our claim, _The starting price is one, and Death the same_.

The problem of the future of the horse exercises _Punch_ in 1911. Mr. Morrow's suggestions are always original, if fantastic, but he is on safe ground when he declares that the horse could always be of use in pageants. Motor-cars in ceremonial processions remind one of nothing so much as huge beetles.

[Illustration: The picture of a boxer as published fifty years ago.]

[Illustration: And the picture of a boxer as published to-day.]

The great revival of boxing came at the end of the period, but in 1908 there is an amusing reference to Jack Johnson who, after defeating Tommy Burns, had become very unpopular in New South Wales, but, according to the _Daily Mail_, found consolation for adverse criticism in reading Shakespeare, Milton and Bunyan. The statement was not thrown away on _Punch_, who, while welcoming the evidence that Jack Johnson was able to keep his temper sweet, observed that it would be sweeter still to know what Shakespeare, Milton and Bunyan thought of his devotion. On the eve of the War, as I have noted in the first chapter, the man in the street was thinking a good deal more about Carpentier than the Crown Prince Franz Ferdinand.

INDEX

À Beckett, Gilbert, Thackeray on, i. 4; _Comic Blackstone_, i. 90, 232

Aberdeen, 4th Earl of, pro-Russian sympathies, i. 5, 125; smoking pipe of peace, _illustration_, i. 124; defends Prince Albert, i. 183

Abyssinia, King of, ii. 196

Abyssinia, war with, ii. 27 _seq._

Academy, British, scheme of, attacked by _Punch_, iv. 275

Academy, Royal: suggestions for improving, iv. 301; "problem" pictures at, iv. 302; Visitors at, _ibid._

Actors, salaries, i. 274; and society, iii. 349 _seq._; _see also_ Drama.

Adelaide, Dowager-Queen, tribute to, i. 198

Admiralty Arch, prospect obstructed, iv. 201

Advertisements, educational, i. 35; growth, i. 161

Aerial steam carriage, _ill._, i. 73

Aeronautical Exhib., 1868, ii. 142

Aeronautics, i. 72 _seq._

Aeroplanes, beginnings, iv. 184, 186

Æsthetic movement, iii. 254 _seq._, 313, 329, 336 _seq._

Æsthetic pioneers, _ill._, i. 263

Afghan campaigns, iii. 3, 18

Afghan war, outbreak, iii. 25 _seq._

Afghanistan, Ameer of, iii. 18

Agitators, i. 52; ii. 58, 65, 81; iv. 111-2, 132-4

Agnosticism, attitude of _P._ towards, iii. 162

Agricultural depression, iv. 103, 113-4

Agricultural Gangs Act, ii. 46

Agricultural labourers, wages, i. 17; food consumption of, iii. 72 _seq._; conditions, iii. 89

Agricultural Land Rating Bill, 1896, iv. 114

Agriculture, machinery in, iii. 210; shortage of hands, iv. 114

Ainsworth, Harrison, _Jack Sheppard_ censured, iii. 143

Air, conquest of the, iv. 181

Air Force, beginnings, iv. 90, 93

Airships, flights, iv. 183

_Alabama_ case, ii. 3, 20, 95

Albany, Duke of, iii. 223 _seq._; recommends cookery lessons for the poor, iii. 76; speech, iii. 218; marriage, iii. 221

Albemarle, 6th Earl of, i. 96, 206

Albert Gate, i. 149

Albert Hall opened, ii. 190

Albert Medal, ii. 182 _seq._

Albert Memorial, ii. 182

Albert, Prince Consort, ii. 169-70, 179 _seq._, 182; unpopularity, i. 166, 171; love of uniforms, i. 171, 172; as sportsman, i. 173-6; as farmer, i. 180; Chancellor of Cambridge Univ., i. 181; "Prince _P._ to Prince Albert," i. 182; alleged interference in State affairs, i. 183

Alexander, Prince, of Bulgaria, iii. 55

Alexander II, of Russia, ii. 196, 204; iii. 30

Alexander III, of Russia, death, iv. 16

Alexandra, Queen, ii. 181; and pigeon shooting, iii. 222; sets fashions, iii. 222; visits Ireland, iii. 225

Alfonso XIII, King. _See_ Spain

Alfred, Prince, Duke of Edinburgh, offered Greek crown, ii. 19; decorated by King of Prussia, ii. 22; tour in Egypt and Palestine, ii. 175; refuses Greek crown, ii. 181; marriage, ii. 188; inaugurates Westminster Aquarium, iii. 100; _P.'s_ toast to, iii. 223; death, iv. 220

Alice, Princess, Grand Duchess of Hesse Darmstadt, married, ii. 181; death, iii. 218

Allan, Maud, iv. 229, 326, 330

Allen, Grant, _The Woman who Did_, iv. 163

Almack's, i. 208; ii. 240; Grantley Berkeley on, i. 209; attempted revival, iii. 247

Alpine climbing, ii. 211

America, relations with, i. 134; iv. 11; Monroe doctrine, iv. 8; influence of millionaires, iv. 246; freak dinners and _enfants terribles_, iv. 246

American blockade, ii. 68

American Civil War, ii. 3, 17 _seq._, 20, 22, 66 _seq._

American humorists, ii. 277

American journalism, i. 72; ii. 145 _seq._

American millionaire art collectors, iii. 276

American women of fashion, ii. 214

Americanisms, ii. 216

Amundsen, Roald, iv. 181; reaches South Pole, iv. 190

Anæsthetics, discovery of, i. 77

Andersen, Hans Christian, child's letter to, i. 89

Anderson, Mary, iii. 347

Andover Union, i. 4, 20

Angell, Norman, _Foundations of International Policy_, iv. 97

Anglo-Danish Exhibition of 1888, iii. 289

Anglo-French _Entente_, iv. 6, 11, 48, 56, 125

Anglo-Japanese Alliance, iv. 6, 11

Anstey, F. (T. A. Guthrie), iii. 286, 289, 325

Antarctic exploration, iv. 181, 190-1

Anti-clericalism in France, iv. 159

Anti-war party, iv. 44-5

Arabi Pasha, iii. 3

Archer, William, translates Ibsen, iii. 355

Archery, ii. 238, 346

Arctic exploration, iv. 181, 190; by Captain Nares, iii. 328

Argyll, 8th Duke of, ii. 68; and Armenian atrocities, iv. 18

Aristocracy, i. 201 _seq._; ignorance of peers, i. 204; "bloated haristocrat," _ill._ i. 205; journalists pander to, ii. 172; and new rich, ii. 198; take to journalism, iii. 242 _seq._

Armenian atrocities, iv. 18

Armoured ships, use of, criticized, ii. 140

Army, as a profession, i. 114; flogging in the, i. 116; Militia, reorganized, i. 116; Brook Green volunteer, i. 116; surgeons, i. 120; Volunteer rifle clubs, i. 122; undue differentiation between ranks, i. 131; barracks system, inquiry into, i. 134; purchase, i. 138; ii. 43; Volunteers discouraged by military authorities, iii. 68 _seq._; regular, enforced expenses in, iii. 70 _seq._; Recruiting Commission, iii. 109; _P.'s_ attitude towards, iii. 109 _seq._; Volunteer review at Windsor, iii. 111; Balaclava survivors, iii. 112; and Ulster, iv. 94; popular prejudice against, iv. 128. _See also_ Crimean war, Uniforms.

Army reform, ii. 38; iv. 49

Arnold, Matthew, ii. 268; iii. 317; through _P.'s_ eyes, iii. 322

'Arry, and 'Arriet, iii. 106 _seq._; disappearance of, iv. 255, 256

Art, i. 249 _seq._; English, discouraged at Court, i. 190; criticism, i. 296; Victorian, i. 301; caricatures of impressionists, iv. 306; and popular painters, 1902, _ibid._; _nouveau art_, _ibid._; _P.'s_ art glossary, iv. 307; _The Times_ art critic burlesqued, iv. 308; Futuristic method applied to popular painters, _ill._, iv. 309; opening of Tate and National Portrait Galleries and Wallace Collection, iv. 310. _See also_ Royal Academy

Artillery, long-range, _P.'s_ prophecy, ii. 142

Artists, women, exhibition of, i. 252; English, French medals conferred on, i. 303; models, iii. 250

Ashanti expedition, ii. 38; iv. 8, 19

Ashley, Lord; _see_ Shaftesbury, 7th Earl of

Asquith, Rt. Hon. H. H., iv. 62, 64, 95, 99; as legislator, iv. 4; and Boer war, iv. 45; and national defence, iv. 66; and Upper Chamber reform, iv. 67-9, 72; "wait and see" policy, iv. 69-70; and Ulster, iv. 85, 94, 97; legislative activity, iv. 86, 88; and Lord Curzon, iv. 90; Home Rule Bill of 1914, iv. 98; and Trafalgar Square meetings, iv. 111; and Lloyd George's land campaign, iv. 118; and old age pensions, iv. 130; and Woman Suffrage, iv. 174, 178

Astley's Circus, i. 155; ii. 289

Athleticism, among women, ii. 238; cult of, iv. 152

Athletics at school, iii. 292

Atholl, 5th Duke of, i. 18, 202

Atlantic cable, ii. 139

Atlantic liners, improved speed of, iii. 209

Augusta, Princess, of Cambridge, married, i. 193

Austin, Alfred, _P.'s_ attacks on, iv. 274

Australia, emigration to, i. 58; industrial conditions, i. 57; gold mines, i. 76; Navy, iii. 56; federation of colonies, iii. 66; eight-hours day for domestics, introduced, iv. 120

Australian Commonwealth Bill of 1900, iv. 41

Austria, relations with Serbia up to 1914, iv. 10; declares war on Serbia, iv. 100

Austro-Prussian war, ii. 3, 26

Authors, distressed, i. 85

Avebury, 1st Lord, ii. 87 _seq._; iv. 287

Ayrton, A. S., ii. 39, 152, 291

Babbage, Charles, ii. 99

Baden-Powell, General Sir Robert, defends Mafeking, iv. 39; arrives in England, iv. 45; founds Boy Scout movement, iv. 107

Baghdad railway, British subsidy proposed by Germany, iv. 48

Baker, Sir Samuel, ii. 216

Balfe, Michael W., attacked, i. 293; success of _Bohemian Girl_, i. 278; _Puritan's Daughter_, ii. 300

Balfour of Burleigh, Lord, iv. 58

Balfour, Rt. Hon. Arthur J., iii. 6, 32; iv. 4, 33, 44; at the Irish Office, iii. 50; and _The Times_, iii. 65; Leader of the House of Commons, iii. 66; and golf, iii. 298; and Venezuelan arbitration, iv. 22; and Boer war, iv. 39; Prime Minister, iv. 48; negotiates with Germany _re_ Baghdad railway, iv. 48; legislation in Ireland, iv. 49; administration collapses, iv. 56 _seq._; holiday at Nice, iv. 92; and Tariff Reform, iv. 51, 116; and Education Act of 1902, iv. 148; gives a ball, iv. 236-238

Balkans, trouble in, iii. 12, 14; iv. 90; war of 1912, iv. 10, 80-83; war of 1913, iv. 83-4

Ballantine, Serjeant, ii. 328

Ballet, Russian, iv. 229, 327, 330, 331

Ballet-girls, their cause espoused by _P._, ii. 234 _seq._

Balliol as a nursery of cranks and coming men, iv. 254

Ballooning: Charles Green, i. 73; Captain Warner, i. 74; to California, _ibid._

"Balmorals," ii. 331

Bancroft, Sir Squire and Lady, ii. 290-1; influence on acting, iii. 351

Banjo, popularity of, iii. 278; iv. 339, _ill._

Bank smashes, i. 77

Banting, William, ii. 201

Bar, women and the, ii. 250

"Bardery," Welsh, ii. 220

Barnett, Canon, and art exhibition in Whitechapel, iv. 106

Barnum, Phineas T., return to England, iii. 289

Barrett, Wilson, as Hamlet, iii. 351

Barrie, Sir James, iii. 317; _Window in Thrums_, iii. 323; parodied, iii. 325; plays of, iv. 313, 323; two views of _Peter Pan_, iv. 328

Barrow-in-Furness, ii. 83, 84 _seq._

Barry, Sir C., i. 148, 304

Baseball, iii. 297; iv. 348

Bass, Michael, M.P.; his Bill to restrict street music, ii. 99

Battenberg, Prince Alexander of, abdicates, iii. 47; death of, iv. 218