Part 6
CLARISSA. Yes, mum. (_Goes to door at L._)
MRS. MULLIGAN. Mary Ann Mulligan, quit fooling with yer sash. If I've told yer once I've told yer a hundred times it's liable to bust and yer skirt and yer waist ain't on speakin' terms.
CLARISSA (_at door_). Maw, here comes Mrs. O'Toole.
MRS. MULLIGAN. It's the goat. He's been filling himself up on the O'Toole cabbages. My, my, that goat'll be the death of me yet.
_Enter_ MRS. O'TOOLE, _limping in from L._
MRS. O'TOOLE. Good evening, Mrs. Mulligan.
MRS. MULLIGAN. The same to ye, Mrs. O'Toole. Come in and set down.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I have no time to set down, and I have no inclination to set down. And it's all on account of yer goat, Shamus O'Brien.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Me goat, is it?
MRS. O'TOOLE. It is the same, and it's an injured woman I am this night.
MRS. MULLIGAN. My, my! I'll have to kill that old goat. He's entirely too obstreperous. And did he chase you, Mrs. O'Toole?
MRS. O'TOOLE. Chase me? He did worse than chase me. He caught up with me.
MRS. MULLIGAN. And where is he now?
MRS. O'TOOLE. Niver a know do I know where he is. I left your boy Matsy chasing him down the alley with a rope.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Bridget, go in the far room and get a wee drop of tay for Mrs. O'Toole.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I can't drink any tay. I'm that injured I can't drink at all, at all.
MRS. MULLIGAN. A drop of tay will warm ye up. Hurry, Bridget.
BRIDGET. Yis, mum. (_Exits R._)
MRS. O'TOOLE. I was out in me cabbage garden picking a bit of cabbage for me owld man's Christmas dinner. I was bending over looking at the cabbage whin all of a sudden I felt meself flying through the air and I landed in the watering trough, so I did. And it was full of water. And I'm almost killed entirely--and it's all the fault of your goat, Mrs. Mulligan.
MRS. MULLIGAN. There, now, Kathleen, darlin', sit down and take things easy.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I'll not sit down, Mollie Mulligan. Sure I'm thinking I'll be after spindin' the rist of me life standing up on me two fate.
MRS. MULLIGAN. So the goat struck ye, did he?
MRS. O'TOOLE. He did.
MRS. MULLIGAN. My, my, the trouble I've had all along of that Shamus O'Brien. He's an awful goat, is Shamus O'Brien.
_Enter_ BRIDGET _with two cups of tea._
BRIDGET. Here's the tea, mum.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Thank ye kindly, Bridget. Here, Kathleen, take a cup of tay and let it soothe your wounded feelings.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Sure, it's more than me feelings that is wounded, Mrs. Mulligan. (_Drinks tea._)
CLARISSA. Maw, ain't it time we were starting for the entertainment?
MRS. MULLIGAN. My, my, I've been that excited about the misdeeds of that rascal Shamus O'Brien that I had forgotten the Christmas entertainment entirely.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Sure, your family looks as though they were going out in society, Mollie Mulligan.
MRS. MULLIGAN. They are that. They're on their way to the fine church entertainment at the Sunday School down the strate.
NORA (_at door L._). Maw, here comes Matsy with the goat. (_Looks out of door._)
MRS. MULLIGAN (_goes to door and speaks off L._). Matsy Mulligan, tie that goat in the back yard and tie all his four fate together. I'll tach him a lesson, if it's the last thing I ever do. Patsy, go out and help your brother tie up Shamus O'Brien. (_Exit_ PATSY _at L._)
MRS. O'TOOLE. Nora Eudora, darlin', have ye got a sofy pillow handy. I think if I had a couple of sofy pillows I could set down and enjoy me tay.
NORA. Yis, mum. Here's two of 'em. (_Arranges them in the chair._)
_Enter_ PATSY _and_ MATSY _from L._
MATSY. Come on, all of yeez, or we'll be late for the show. And I don't want to miss nothin'.
MRS. MULLIGAN (_standing at R._). I think yeez are all ready now. Let me see if there's anyone missing. (_Counting and pointing to each in turn._)
There's Patsy and Matsy and Teddy Magee, Nora Eudora and Micky Machree, Bridget Honora and sweet Mary Ann, Melissa, Clarissa and wee Peter Pan.
PATSY. We are all here, maw.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Now, yer all ready. Throw out yer heads. Forward, march!
CHILDREN. Good-bye, maw.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Good-bye, and the Lord love yeez all. Have a good time. Good-bye. (_The children march out at L._)
MRS. O'TOOLE. Ten of 'em. I don't see how ye ever manage to make both ends meet, Mollie Mulligan, with ten big, healthy children--to say nothing of the goat, Shamus O'Brien.
MRS. MULLIGAN (_in door waving hand to children_). Good-bye. Have a good time. (_Yells._) Mary Ann, don't let yer sash bust in two! (_Crosses to R. and sinks in chair._)
MRS. O'TOOLE. Ye have a fine family, Mrs. Mulligan. Ye have a fine bunch of boys, and ye have a bunch of girls, and ye have a fine bunch of babies; but ye have an awful goat.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Shamus O'Brien is the pest of me heart, Kathleen O'Toole; so he is; but he's all that's left of me late husband's property. Michael Mulligan thought the world of that goat, he did.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I'm a peaceful woman, Mollie Mulligan, and a calm, neighborly woman; but I don't like goats.
MRS. MULLIGAN. I don't blame ye at all, at all, Kathleen. But poor Shamus O'Brien was probably only nosing around fer a bit of Christmas Eve dinner. I'll kape him tied in the future.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Sure and it is Christmas Eve, isn't it?
MRS. MULLIGAN. Indade it is, and for the sake of the holy eve, I think ye'd best be after forgiving the poor goat and not harbor any ill feeling agin him on Christmas Day.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Harbor ill feeling, is it? Faith, then I'll not, Mollie Mulligan, and it's meself that'll be bringing over a big cabbage head on the morning for Shamus O'Brien's Christmas dinner.
MRS. MULLIGAN (_rises_). I'll be after tidying up the house a bit. It's little enough I've got for the children's Christmas tomorrow morning; but at least I can have me house in order and a burning candle shining in the windy. (_Lights candle and sets it on table in front of the window._)
This light shall burn on Christmas Day, For Him who in the manger lay, And all are welcome at my door, The high, the low, the rich, the poor, And every heart shall sing again Of peace on earth, good will to men.
MRS. O'TOOLE (_rises_). Your burning candle takes me back again to the days of me childhood in County Clare. Well do I mind me last Christmas Eve in ould Ireland, the little thatched cabin with its one window, the stinging smoke of the peat fire, the lads and the colleens and the ould piper--and the merry dances and songs, do ye remember, Mollie, darling? (_Puts arms on hips, wags head from side to side and sings briskly_:)
[Music illustration:
1. Did you ev-er go in-to an I-rish-man's shanty, Where mon-ey was scarce but where wel-come was plen-ty? A three-leg-ged stool and a ta-ble to match it, But the door of the shan-ty is al-ways un-latched.
2. Our nate lit-tle house, it looks out on the street, There's two beau-ti-ful rooms and a pig-sty com-plete. Each girl has a dress and each boy has a coat, There's tin hap-py chil-dren, six pigs and a goat.
3. Sure the Mul-li-gans al-ways are hap-py and bright, They sing in the morn-ing, they sing in the night, Now Pat-sy and Mat-sy are strong as can be, But the bil-ly-goat's strong-er than ath-er, you see!
Tee-oo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum day! Tee-oo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum day! Tee-oo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum day! Tee-oo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum-doo-dle, dum day!]
MRS. O'TOOLE (_sings briskly_):
Did you ever go into an Irishman's shanty, Where money was scarce but where welcome was plenty? A three-legged stool and a table to match it, But the door of the shanty is always unlatched. Tee-oodle, dum-doodle, dum-doodle, dum day!
(_Repeat until end._)
MRS. MULLIGAN (_faces her, assumes same position, sings briskly_):
Our nate little house, it looks out on the street, There's two beautiful rooms and a pig-sty complete. Each girl has a dress and each boy has a coat, There's tin happy children, six pigs and a goat. Tee-oodle, dum-doodle, dum-doodle, dum day!
(_Repeat until end._)
MRS. O'TOOLE (_sings_):
Sure the Mulligans always are happy and bright, They sing in the morning, they sing in the night, Now Patsy and Matsy are strong as can be, But the billy-goat's stronger than ather, you see! Tee-oodle, dum-doodle, dum-doodle, dum day!
(_Repeat until end._)
MRS. O'TOOLE _hums the song faster and begins to jig, by kicking out R. and L. foot alternately, on first three lines and twirling on fourth line._
_At the beginning of the "Tee-oodle,"_ MRS. MULLIGAN _starts in and does exactly as_ MRS. O'TOOLE _did on the first four lines, while_ MRS. O'TOOLE _skips around stage in a circle._
_On the second verse they march forward and back, arms on hips. Forward again. Do-si-do (backs to back). March forward and back and then each twirls alone._ MRS. O'TOOLE _knocks over the table._ MRS. MULLIGAN, _not to be outdone, knocks over the tub. The music becomes faster and faster._
_On third verse they jig alone, then forward and back, forward again and swing each other madly. While they are dancing they shout out occasionally, "Huroo for ould Ireland!" "That's me fine lady!" "Look at me now!" etc._
CURTAIN.
ACT II.
_Same as scene before. The wash-tub has been removed, also the washing from the line. The table has been straightened and_ MRS. O'TOOLE _is seated there making a toy elephant._ MRS. MULLIGAN _is seated at L. dressing a doll body in a baby's dress. The candle burns before the window._
MRS. O'TOOLE. It's lucky for us, darlin', that me husband is out at his lodge tonight. I can stay with you until the children return from the entertainment, and maybe it's a bit of a Christmas Eve high-jinks we can be having afterwards.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Indade, I'm glad to have ye, Kathleen. Will your husband be long at lodge?
MRS. O'TOOLE (_cutting the elephant's ears from brown paper_). He will that. Pat is the Grand Exalted Chafe Ruler of the Benevolent and Obstreperous Order of United Wooden-men, and he won't be home till marnin'.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Is he now? The late Mr. Mulligan was niver much of a lodge joiner but that made no difference to him; he niver came home till marnin', lodge or no lodge.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Remember, Mollie, you're coming over to dinner with us tomorrow. It's at one o'clock.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Oh, Kathleen, I can't be laving the children at all, at all. On Christmas Day, too.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Of course you can't. Ye're going to bring the children over with ye.
MRS. MULLIGAN. The whole tin of them?
MRS. O'TOOLE (_counting on fingers_).
Patsy and Matsy, And Teddy Magee, Nora Eudora, And Micky Machree, Bridget Honora, And sweet Mary Ann, Melissa, Clarissa, And wee Peter Pan.
MRS. MULLIGAN. And ye're willing for the whole bunch of us to come?
MRS. O'TOOLE. All but the goat. I draw the line at Shamus O'Brien. Ye see it's this way. Me man, Pat, won a turkey in a raffle, and it's as big as a billy-goat. Then on top of that me daughter Toozy, that's married and lives in the country, sent us two chickens and a goose. And there's only me and Pat to ate all that.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Kathleen O'Toole, it's a saint ye are.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I says to Pat, says I, "Christmas ain't Christmas at all, at all, unless there's some children at the dinner." "What'll we do?" says Pat. "Invite the Mulligans," says I. And Pat was tickled to death. We've potatoes and squash and cabbage from me own garden, and we've oyster dressing and cramberries and stewed corn and apple fritters, and it's meself that has made eight mince pies, and four punkin ones--and I think we'll be after having a dinner on Christmas Day that would do credit to ould Saint Patrick himself.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Sure, ye almost make me cry for joy, Kathleen O'Toole, and after the goat trated ye the way he did, too.
MRS. O'TOOLE. If a woman can't be neighborly and loving on Christmas Day, Mollie Mulligan, sure I'm thinking she niver can be neighborly and loving at all, at all.
MRS. MULLIGAN. And ye're aven makin' a bit of an iliphant for wee Peter Pan.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I am that. Here's the little, fat body. (_Shows cylindrical piece of dark green squash._) And here's the four legs. (_Shows two bananas cut in half._) I'll just stick the legs on with nails--and there he stands. Now, here's a little potato for a head, and an ould skinny carrot for a trunk. I'll stick them on with a hair pin. (_Does so._) Now, I'll stick on the ears and put in the shoe-button eyes, and with this wee bit of black paper for a tailpiece, and there ye are. Mr. Mumbo Jumbo Mulligan as natural as life and twice as handsome. (_Shows elephant to audience._)
MRS. MULLIGAN. Here's a doll baby I've dressed, but it's no head she has at all, at all.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Use a big yellow apple or a wee yellow punkin, and put on a baby cap--and there ye are. Stick in some buttons for eyes, and a wee nose and mouth of red paper--and stick the head on the body with some hair pins, and the quane herself niver had a better doll baby.
MRS. MULLIGAN. I'll put her right here on the table alongside of the iliphant.
MRS. O'TOOLE. It's nine o'clock, it is. Isn't it time for the children to be home?
MRS. MULLIGAN (_goes to door at R._). It is that. (_Looks out._) And here they come now.
(_The children are heard outside at R., singing to the tune of "Marching Through Georgia."_)
The Mulligans are coming now, as happy as can be, We've been to the Sunday School and saw the Christmas tree, Had a lark with Santa Claus and take a tip from me, We'll all be marching on Christmas!
(_They march in from R., come down to front and line up._)
Hurrah, hurrah, the Mulligans are here, Hurrah, hurrah, for Santa Claus so dear, Sure, it was a happy night, The best one in the year, And we'll be marching on Christmas!
Patsy got a trumpet, little Micky got a drum, Matsy got a spinning top, you ought to hear it hum, Clarissa got a candy cane, oh, won't we have the fun, When we are marching on Christmas!
Hurrah, hurrah, the Mulligans are here, Hurrah, hurrah, for Santa Claus so dear, Sure, it was a happy night, The best one in the year. And we'll be marching on Christmas.
Nora got a picture-book, Melissa got a rake, Every Mulligan on deck got oranges and cake, Got a bag of candy, too--and got the stomachache, But we'll be marching on Christmas.
Hurrah, hurrah, the Mulligans are here, Hurrah, hurrah, for Santa Claus so dear, Sure, it was a happy night, The best one in the year. And we'll be marching on Christmas.
(_They march around stage while singing the chorus, but line up in front while singing the verses. Use gestures to indicate the different persons and their toys._)
MRS. MULLIGAN. And did ye have a good time at the entertainment?
BRIDGET. Indade and we did that. It was as good as a circus parade and a picture show together. They treated us just lovely.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Did they now? And you wasn't invited at all, at all.
MATSY. They gave us a seat way up in front, and Micky Machree acted like a pig, he did. Sure, he grabbed two oranges.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Why, Micky, it's ashamed of ye I am.
MICKY. I grabbed one to bring home to you, maw. I wanted you to have some of the Christmas present, too.
MRS. MULLIGAN (_hugs him_). That's just like your father, Micky.
MRS. O'TOOLE (_helping children off with hats, wraps, etc._). And did ye have a good time, wee Peter Pan?
PETER PAN. Scwumptious, just scwumptious.
MARY ANN. And me sash niver busted in two at all. And I was one of the most stylish young ladies present, so I was.
MELISSA. And they had a great, big Christmas tree. Clean up to the ceiling. With lights and toys and candy and little stars and bright fairies and angels and everything.
PATSY. And ould Santy Claus was there with a long white beard and a big pack of presents to everyone.
CLARISSA. And I pulled Santa Claus' whiskers and they nearly fell off. He must be getting pretty old, 'cause his whiskers is coming loose.
BRIDGET. And Santy Claus called out all the names and everybody got up when their names was called and he gave 'em a present.
MICKY. And they never called our names at all, at all.
MRS. MULLIGAN. That's because they didn't know them. They didn't expect you at the party.
MARY ANN. It was a surprise party, maw.
MRS. MULLIGAN. How was it a surprise party, Mary Ann?
MARY ANN. They all looked surprised when we came in.
NORA. When I saw they weren't going to call out our names, I just rose up in me seat and took the whole nine of 'em by the hand and marched right up to Santa Claus. He looked real surprised at the bunch of us.
MRS. MULLIGAN. I should think he would.
NORA. "And who are you?" says he. "We're the ten little Mulligans from Mulligan Alley in Shantytown," says I, as cool as an icicle. "And we're ready for our presents, if it's all the same to you," says I. I thought they was going to fire us out, but what did he do but dive way down in the bottom of the sack and give every last one of us a present?
TEDDY. And then he gave us bags of candy and oranges and apples and peanuts and popcorn and a candy cane, and then they had a show and Bridget Honora spoke a piece, she did.
MRS. O'TOOLE. How did ye happen to spake a piece, Bridget Honora?
BRIDGET. I just stood up and told 'em I knowed one. There ain't nuthin' bashful about me. And I kind o' thought we ought to do something to help pay fer the good things they gave us.
MRS. MULLIGAN (_petting her_). That's me good little Bridget Honora.
MELISSA (_sees doll on table_). Oh, wee! Lookee there! Where'd she come from?
MRS. O'TOOLE. Santa Claus was after being here while you were away and he left it for you.
MELISSA. Is it all for me?
MRS. MULLIGAN. It's the Mulligan dolly. It's fer all ten of yeez.
PATSY. She can have my share. I don't want no dolls.
MICKY. Oh, look at the efulunt. Look at the efulunt.
MRS. O'TOOLE. That is Mumbo Jumbo Mulligan from the sunny shores of Africa, way down in Louisiana.
CHILDREN. Who's he fur? Who's he fur?
PETER PAN (_takes elephant_). He's fur me. Scwumptious!
TEDDY. Maw, they had a show there at the Sunday School. There was a wee little man, about so long (_measures about two feet_), and he stood up on a table and sang a song, so he did.
PATSY. Humph! I know how they did that. Matsy and me can show it to you.
MELISSA. And they had the Turnover Topsy Turvies, too.
CLARISSA. They stood upside down on their heads.
MRS. MULLIGAN. My, my--but it must have been a wonderful show.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Just think what we missed, Mollie Mulligan.
MATSY. I didn't miss nothin'. I never miss nothin' no time.
NORA. We could give just as good a show our own selves.
OTHERS. Let's do it; let's do it. Let's give a show for maw and Mis' O'Toole.
TEDDY. Would you like to see it, maw?
MRS. MULLIGAN. If it ain't too late.
MRS. O'TOOLE. What matters it how late it is? Christmas comes but once a year----
ALL. And when it comes it brings good cheer.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Then sure we'll have the show. Poor folks can be just as happy on Christmas Day as rich folks. It's all in the way you feel about it.
PATSY. Now, maw, you and Mrs. O'Toole take your seats out there in front. (_Points to front row of the audience._)
MATSY. I'll help you carry them out. (_They carry down two chairs from the stage and seat_ MRS. MULLIGAN _and_ MRS. O'TOOLE _in the audience._)
PATSY. Now, we'll have to draw the curtain to get the stage ready.
NORA. And while we're getting ready Mary Ann can say her piece.
CURTAIN FALLS.
MRS. MULLIGAN (_in audience_). My, my, Kathleen, what a large crowd of people are here tonight. I'm afraid I'm not dressed up for the occasion.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Dressed up, is it? Indade you are. Ye have on short sleeves and a low-neck dress. What more would ye want? There's the minister and his wife setting right back there. (_Speaks to them._) Good avening, Brother ----; sure, it's a fine avening we're having, is it not?
MRS. MULLIGAN (_speaks to a lady in audience_). My, my, is it yourself, Mrs. ----? Sure, I'm glad to see ye out. It's a long time since I've had the pleasure of seeing you. (_Speaks to several children._) And there's ---- and ---- and ----. I'm glad to see all of yeez. Sure, some day yeez must come over to me house in Mulligan Alley and I'll let you play with the goat, Shamus O'Brien.
MRS. O'TOOLE. I see the young ladies over there, and each one of them has a young man. My, my, it does me ould heart good to see the young folks enjoying themselves. It ain't so many years since me and Pat was courting each other just like the rest of yeez.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Mrs. O'Toole, do you see that young man sitting there all by his lonesome? Ain't it a shame? And him such a good looking young feller, too. I've a good notion to go over there and cheer him up a bit. Maybe his girl is here with another fellow.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Sure, there's plenty of girls here without any fellows at all, at all. Why should a young man sit all alone like a bump on a log, whin there's so many handsome colleens waiting for the chance at him?
MRS. MULLIGAN. Whist, Mrs. O'Toole, it's making him embarrassed yeez are. Will you look at the red color in his face?
MRS. O'TOOLE. If ye ask me my opinion, Mollie Mulligan, sure and I think he's after waiting fer one of yer own lovely daughters.
MRS. MULLIGAN. Well, he might go further and fare worse. Nora Eudora's a fine girl, if I do say it myself.
MRS. O'TOOLE. Whist, here comes Mary Ann out in front of the curtain to spake her piece.
(MARY ANN _comes in front of the curtain, makes a bow and recites:_)
LETTER TO SANTA CLAUS.
Blessed old Santa Claus, king of delights, What are you doing these long winter nights? Filling your budgets with trinkets and toys, Wonderful gifts for the girls and the boys. While you are planning for everything nice, Pray let me give you a bit of advice.