Part 24
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman said to her husband, "My mother hath left and bequeathed to me somewhat, but I will not tell thee thereof till the coming night when we twain shall be alone." "'Tis well," said he; after which he continued to address himself, "Would Heaven I knew what hath been left by the mother of our Har�m!"[FN#390] Now when darkness came on and he and she had taken seats together, he asked her, "What may be the legacy thy mother left?" and she answered, "O my lord, my mother hath bequeathed to me her Coynte being loath that it be given to other save myself and therefore I have brought it along with me." Quoth he of his stupidity (for he was like unto a cosset),[FN#391] "Ho thou, solace me with the sight of thy mother's Coynte." Hereupon she arose; and, doffing all she had on her of dress until she was mother-naked, said to him, "O my lord, I have stuck on my mother's Coynte hard by and in continuation of mine own cleft and so the twain of them have remained each adjoining other between my hips." He continued, "Let me see it;" so she stood up before him and pointing to her parts, said, "This which faceth thee is my coynte whereof thou art owner;" after which she raised her backside and bowing her head groundwards showed the nether end of her slit between the two swelling cheeks of her sit-upon, her seat of honour, crying, "Look thou! this be the Coynte of my mother; but, O my lord, 'tis my wish that we wed it unto some good man and pleasant who is faithful and true and not likely treason to do, for that the Coynte of my mother must abide by me and whoso shall intermarry therewith I also must bow down to him whilst he shall have his will thereof." Quoth the Kaim-makam, "O sensible say! but we must seek and find for ourselves a man who shall be agreeable and trustworthy," presently adding, "O woman, we will not give the Coynte of thy mother in marriage to some stranger lest he trouble thee and trouble me also; so let us bestow this boon upon our own Syce." Replied the wife of her craft and cursedness, "Haply, O my lord, the horsekeeper will befit us not;", yet the while she had set her heart upon him. Rejoined the Kaim-makam her husband, "If so it be that he have shown thee want of respect we will surely relieve him of his lot." But after so speaking he said a second time, "'Tis better that we give the Coynte of thy mother to the Syce;" and she retorted, "Well and good! but do thou oblige him that he keep strait watch upon himself." Hereat the man summoned his servant before him and said to him, "Hear me, O Syce; verily the mother of my wife to her hath bequeathed her Coynte, and 'tis our intent to bestow it upon thee in lawful wedlock; yet beware lest thou draw near that which is our own property." The horsekeeper answered, "No, O my lord, I never will." Now after they arrived at that agreement concerning the matter in question, whenever the wife waxed hot with heat of lust she would send for the Syce and take him and repair with him, he and she, to a place of privacy within the Harem, whilst her mate remained sitting thoroughly satisfied, and they would enjoy themselves to the uttermost, after which the twain would come forth together. And the Kaim-makam never ceased saying on such occasions, "Beware, O Syce, lest thou poach upon that which is my property;" and at such times the wife would exclaim, "By Allah, O my lord, he is a true man and a trusty." So they continued for a while[FN#392] in the enjoyment of their luxury and this was equally pleasurable to the husband and wife and the lover. Now when the Emir heard this tale from the Butcher, he began laughing until he fell upon his back and anon he said to him, "Wend thy ways about thine own work;" so the Flesher went forth from him not knowing what he should do in his garb of gaberdine and bonnet. Hereupon the woman arose and going to the fourth closet threw it open and summoned and led the Trader man by the hand and set him before her husband who looked hard at him in his droll's dress and recognised him and was certified of him that he was his neighbour. So he said, "Ho Such-an-one! Thou art our neighbour and never did we suspect that thou wouldst strive to seduce our Har�m;[FN#393] nay rather did we expect thee to keep watch and ward over us and fend off from us all evil.[FN#394] Now by Allah, those whom we have dismissed wrought us no foul wrong even as thou wroughtest us in this affair; for thou at all events art our neighbour. Thou deservest in this matter that I slay thee out of hand, but Default cometh not save from the Defaulter; therefore I will do thee no harm at all as did I with thy fellows even save that needs must thou tell us a tale whereby to rejoice us."[FN#395] Quoth he, "Hearing and obeying," and herewith fell to relating the story of
The Whorish Wife who Vaunted her Virtue.
It is related that once upon a time there was a man which was an astronomer[FN#396] and he had a wife who was singular in beauty and loveliness. Now she was ever and aye boasting and saying to him, "O man, there is not amongst womankind my peer in nobility[FN#397] and chastity;" and as often as she repeated this saying to him he would give credit to her words and cry, "Wall�hi, no man hath a wife like unto the lady my wife for high caste and continence!" Now he was ever singing her praises in every assembly; but one day of the days as he was sitting in a s�ance of the great, who all were saying their says anent womankind and feminine deeds and misdeeds, the man rose up and exclaimed, "Amongst women there is none like my wife, for that she is pure of blood and behaviour;" hereat one of those present said to him, "Thou liest, O certain person!"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Fifty-fourth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that while the man was singing the praises of his spouse one of those present rose and said to him, "Wall�hi, thou liest, O certain person!" "Wherein do I lie?" quoth he, and quoth the other, "I will teach thee and show thee manifestly whether thy wife be a lady or a whore. Do thou rise up from amongst us and hie thee home and go thou in to her and say, 'O woman, I am intent upon travelling to a certain place and being absent for a matter of four days and after will return; so do thou arise, O woman, and bring me some bread and a mould of cheese by way of viaticum.' Then go thou forth from beside her and disappear for a while; and presently returning home hide thee in a private place without uttering a word." Cried those present, "By Allah, indeed these words may not be blamed." Accordingly, the man went forth from them and fared till he entered his house where he said, "O woman, bring me something of provision for a journey: my design is to travel and to be absent for a space of four days or haply six." Cried the wife, "O my lord, thou art about to desolate me nor can I on any wise bear parting from thee; and if thou needs must journey do thou take me with thee." Now when the man heard these the words of his wife he said to himself, "By Allah, there cannot be the fellow of my spouse amongst the sum of womankind," presently adding to her, "I shall be away from four to six days but do thou keep watch and ward upon thyself and open not my door to anyone at all." Quoth she, "O Man, how canst thou quit me?[FN#398] and indeed I cannot suffer such separation." Quoth he, "I shall not long be separated from thee;" and so saying he fared forth from her and disappeared for the space of an hour, after which he returned home softly walking and hid himself in a place where none could see him. Now after the space of two hours behold, a Costermonger[FN#399] came into the house and she met him and salam'd to him and said, "What hast thou brought for me?" "Two lengths of sugar-cane," said he, and said she, "Set them down in a corner of the room." Then he asked her, "Whither is thy husband gone?" and she answered, "On a journey: may Allah never bring him back nor write his name among the saved and our Lord deliver me from him as soon as possible!" After this she embraced him and he embraced her and she kissed him and he kissed her and enjoyed her favours till such time as he had his will of her; after which he went his ways. When an hour had passed a Poulterer[FN#400] came to the house, whereupon she arose and salam'd to him and said, "What hast thou brought me?" He answered, "A pair of pigeon-poults;" so she cried, "Place them under yon vessel."[FN#401] Then the man went up to the woman and he embraced her and she embraced him and he tumbled[FN#402] her and she tumbled him; after which he had his will of her and presently he went off about his own business. When two hours or so had gone by there came to her another man which was a Gardener;[FN#403] so she arose and met him with a meeting still fairer than the first two and asked him, "What hast thou brought with thee?" "A somewhat of pomegranates," answered he; so she took them from him and led him to a secret place where she left him and changed her dress and adorned herself and perfumed herself and Kohl'd[FN#404] her eyes. After that she returned to the pomegranate-man and fell a-toying with him and he toyed with her and she hugged him and he hugged her and at last he rogered and had his wicked will of her and went his ways. Hereupon the woman doffed her sumptuous dress and garbed herself in her everyday garment. All this and the husband was looking on through the chinks of the door behind which he was lurking and listening to whatso befel, and when all was ended he went forth softly and waited awhile and anon returned home. Hereupon the wife arose and her glance falling upon her husband she noted him and accosted him and salam'd to him and said, "Hast thou not been absent at all?" Said he, "O Woman, there befel me a tale on the way which may not be written on any wise, save with foul water upon disks of dung,[FN#405] and indeed I have endured sore toil and travail, and had not Allah (be He praised and exalted!) saved me therefrom, I had never returned." Quoth his wife, "What hath befallen thee?"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent, and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Fifty-fifth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the wife asked the husband saying, "What hath befallen thee on thy way?" And he answered, "O Woman, when I went forth the town and took the road, behold, a basilisk issued from his den and coming to the highway stretched himself therealong, so I was unable to step a single footstep; and indeed, O Woman, his length was that of yon sugar cane, brought by the Costermonger and which thou placedst in the corner. Also he had hair upon his head like the feathers of the pigeon-poults presented to thee by the Poulterer-man, and which thou hast set under the vessel; and lastly, O Woman, his head was like the pomegranates which thou tookest from the Market Gardener[FN#406] and carriedst within the house." Whenas the wife heard these words, she lost command of herself and her right senses went wrong and she became purblind and deaf, neither seeing nor hearing, because she was certified that her spouse had sighted and eye-witnessed what she had wrought of waywardness and frowardness. Then the man continued to her, "O Whore! O Fornicatress! O Adulteress! How durst thou say to me, 'There is not amongst womankind my better in nobility and purity?' and this day I have beheld with my own eyes what thy chastity may be. So do thou take thy belongings and go forth from me and be off with thyself to thine own folk." And so saying he divorced her with the triple divorce and thrust her forth the house. Now when the Emir heard the aforetold tale from his neighbour, he rejoiced therein; this being a notable wile of the guiles of womankind which they are wont to work with men for "Verily great is their craft."[FN#407] And presently he dismissed the fourth lover, his neighbour, even as he had freed the other three, and never again did such trouble befal him and his wife, or from Kazi or from any other.[FN#408] And to the same purport (quoth Shahrazad), to wit, the slights and snares of the sex, they also tell the tale of
CLEBS THE DROLL AND HIS WIFE AND HER FOUR LOVERS.
There lived at the Court of a certain King a man wherewith he was wont to jest and this droll was unmated. So one day of the days the Sultan said to him, "O Man, thou art a bachelor, so suffer us to marry thee," and said the buffoon, "No, O King of the Age; allow me to remain in single blessedness, for in womankind there is no rest and they work many a wile, and indeed I fear lest haply we fall upon one who shall be of the fornicatresses, the adulteresses." Quoth the King, "There is no help but that thou wed;" and quoth the Droll, "'Tis well, O King of the Age." Hereupon the Sultan sent to summon the Wazir and bade him betroth the man to a woman of righteous conduct and come of decent folk. Now the Minister had with him an old nurse, and he commanded her to find a match for the Sultan's Jester; whereupon she rose and went out from him and engaged for the man a beautiful woman. And presently the marriage-tie was tied between these twain and he went in unto the bride and she tarried with him a while of time even half a year or may be seven months. Now one day of the days the King's Jester went forth his house ere the dawn-prayer had been called on some business for the Sultan, intending to return before rise of sun. Such was the case with him; but as regards his wife, she had known when yet unmarried four men who to her were the liefest of her companions and who, during the earlier days of her wedding, had not been able to possess her. However, on the morning when her husband fared forth from her before the call to dawn-prayers, each and every of these four favoured lovers made up their minds to visit their playmate. Now one of them was a Pieman[FN#409] and the second was an Herbalist[FN#410], the third was a Flesher and the fourth was the Shaykh of the Pipers[FN#411]. When the Droll went forth from his wife behold, the Pieman came and rapped at the door, whereat she opened to him and said, "Thou hast come betimes," and said he, "I have minced the meat and I desired to work it up when I found that the hour was too early and that no one was in the market. So I said to myself, 'Up with thee and go to Such-and-such a woman.'" "'Tis well," quoth she; but when they desired to make merry together, of a sudden the door was knocked; so quoth he to her, "Who is this?" and quoth she to him, "I know not, but do thou hie and hide thee in yonder closet." He did her bidding, whereupon she went forth and threw open the door when behold, it was the Herbalist and she said to him, "This is a time betimes." Said he, "By Allah, I was nighting in the garden and I have brought these sweet-scented herbs, and as the hour was over-early I said to myself, 'Go thou to Such-and-such a woman and make merry, thou and she, for a wee.'" So she let him in; but hardly had he settled himself in his seat when suddenly the door was again rapped and he asked her, "Who is this?" and she answered, "I know not, but do thou hie and hide thee in yonder closet." So he went in and found the Pieman there seated and said to him, "What thing mayest thou be?"[FN#412] and said the other, "I and thou are each like other." Meanwhile the woman had gone forth and opened the door when behold, she was met by the Flesher whom she led within and then said to him, "This is a time betimes." Quoth he, "By Allah, I arose from sleep and slaughtered a ram[FN#413] and prepared the flesh for selling when I found that the hour was over-early and said I to myself, 'Take thee a piece of mutton-flesh and go thou in to a certain person and enjoy yourselves, thou and she, until the Bazar shall have opened.'" But hardly had he taken seat when came a fourth knock at the door, and as he heard this he was wonderstruck; so she said to him, "Fear not, but hie thee and hide thee within yonder closet." Accordingly he went in and found the Pieman and the Herbalist there sitting and he salam'd to the twain who returned his salute; then he asked them, "What hath brought you hither?" and they answered, "That which brought us brought also thee." He took seat with them while the woman went and threw open the door and behold, she was met by her friend the Shaykh of the Pipers belonging to the Sultan, so she brought him in and said to him, "Indeed thy time is betimes." Said he, "Wall�hi, I went forth my home intending to fare and prepare the band[FN#414] in the Royal Palace when I found the hour was over-early, so said I to myself, 'Hie thee to a certain person and make ye merry, thou and she, until the sun shall rise and thou art bound to wend palacewards.'" "'Tis well," quoth she and seated him and designed to take seat beside him when behold, came a rap at the door and he cried, "Who is that?" and she replied, "Allah only is Omniscient, but haply 'tis my husband." So he was startled and afeard, and when she whispered to him, "Up and enter yon closet," he did her bidding and found a-facing him therein the Pieman and the Herbalist and the Flesher to whom he said, "Peace be upon you," and when they returned his greeting he asked them, "Ye, who brought you?" They answered him saying, "That which brought us also brought thee." After this he sat beside them and the four remained seated in the closet and huddled together, whilst each addressed himself saying, "What now wilt thou do?" Meanwhile the woman suddenly went forth and opened the door when behold, it was her mate the Droll who walked in and took seat; whereupon she asked him, "And thou, why hast thou come at such an hour? 'tis not often thy wont to return early from the King's presence. Haply thou art unwell, for thy custom is not to appear until near supper-tide and now thou hast forestalled our meeting-time and hast returned a-morn. I suspect that he hath bespoken thee concerning some matter of urgent matters that thou comest home at this hour; but haply thou wilt finish off such business and hie thee back to the Sultan." Quoth he, "By Allah, O Woman, when I fared forth hence and went to the King I found that he had many and important affairs to settle, so he said, 'Hie thee to thy home and abide therein, nor return to me till after the third day.'"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent, and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Fifty-eighth Night,