PART VII.
_From his first beginning to preach to the Indians at Crosweeksung, till he returned from his last journey to Susquahannah._
[WE are now come to that part of Mr. Brainerd’s life, wherein he had his greatest _success_. After all his agonizing in prayer, and travelling in birth, for the conversion of the Indians; and after waiting in a way of persevering prayer, labour, and suffering, as it were through a long _night_; at length the _day_ dawns: “Weeping continues for a night, but joy comes in the morning. He went forth weeping, bearing precious seed, and now he comes with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” The desired event is brought to pass at last; but at a time, and in a place, that scarce ever entered into his heart. An account of this is here inserted, as it was drawn up by Mr. Brainerd himself, pursuant to the order of the honourable society in Scotland.]
Wednesday, June 19. Having spent most of my time for more than a year past among the Indians in the Forks of Delaware in Pensylvania; and having in that time made two journeys to Susquahannah river, far back in that province, in order to treat with the Indians there, respecting Christianity; and not having had any considerable success in either of those places; upon hearing that there was a number of Indians in a place called (by the Indians) Crosweeksung in New-Jersey, near fourscore miles south-eastward from the Forks of Delaware, I determined to make them a visit, and see what might be done towards the Christianizing of them; and accordingly arrived among them this day.
I found very few persons at the place I visited, and perceived the Indians in these parts were much scattered, there being not more than two or three families in a place, and these small settlements, six, ten, fifteen, twenty, and thirty miles, and some more, from the place I was then at. However, I preached to those few who appeared well-disposed, and, not inclined to cavil, as the Indians had frequently done elsewhere.
When I had concluded my discourse, I informed them (there being none but a few women and children) that I would willingly visit them again the next day. Whereupon they readily set out, and travelled ten or fifteen miles, in order to give notice to some of their friends at that distance. These women, like the woman of Samaria, seemed desirous that others might “see the man that told them, what they had done” in their lives past, and the misery that attended their _idolatrous_ ways.
Thursday, June 20. Towards night, I preached to the Indians again; and had more hearers than before. In the evening, I enjoyed peace and serenity of mind, composure and comfort in prayer; and was enabled to lift up my head with joy, under an apprehension that my redemption draws nigh. Oh, blessed be God, that there remains a rest to his poor weary people!
Friday, June 21. I was refreshed in secret prayer; but saw myself a poor worthless creature, without wisdom to direct, or strength to help myself. Blessed be God, that lays me under a happy necessity of living upon himself!
Saturday, June 22. About noon, I rode to the Indians again; and near night preached to about thirty of them. I found my body much strengthened, and was enabled to speak with abundant plainness and warmth. And the power of God evidently attended the word; so that sundry persons were brought under great concern for their souls, and made to shed many tears, and to wish for Christ to save them. My soul was much refreshed, and quickened in my work; and I could not but spend much time with them, in order to open both their misery and remedy. While riding, before I came to the Indians, I was enabled to cry to God almost incessantly. In the evening also I found the consolations of God were not small: I was then willing to live, and in some respects desirous of it, that I might do something for the kingdom of Christ; and yet death appeared pleasant: so that, I was in a strait between two. I am often weary of this world; but it is desirable to be drawn, rather than driven out of it.
Lord’s day, June 23. I preached to the Indians and spent the day with them.――――Their number still increased; and all with one consent seemed to rejoice in my coming among them. Not a word of opposition was heard from any, although in times past they had been quite opposite to any thing of that nature.
June 24. I preached to the Indians at their desire, and upon their own motion. To see poor Pagans desirous of hearing the gospel of Christ, animated me to discourse to them, although I was very weak, and my spirits much exhausted. They attended with the greatest seriousness and diligence; and there was some concern apparent among them.
June 27. I visited and preached to the Indians again. Their number now amounted to about _forty_ persons. Their solemn attention still continued; and a considerable concern for their souls was apparent among sundry of them.
Friday June 28. The Indians being now gathered, a considerable number of them, from their several distant _habitations_, requested me to preach twice a day to them, being desirous to hear as much as they could while I was with them. I chearfully complied, and could not but admire the goodness of God, who had inclined them to enquire after the way of salvation.
Saturday, June 29. I preached twice to the Indians; and could not but wonder at their seriousness, and the strictness of their attention.――Blessed be God that has inclined their hearts to hear. And O how refreshing it is to me, to see them attend with such uncommon diligence and affection.
I likewise saw the hand of God making provision for their subsistence together, in order to their being instructed. For this day and the day before, with only walking a little way from the place of our daily meeting, they killed _three deer_, which were a seasonable supply for their wants, and without which, they could not have subsisted together in order to attend the means of grace.
Lord’s-day, June 30. I preached twice this day also, and observed more concern and affection among the poor Heathens than ever; so that they even constrained me to tarry longer with them; although my constitution was much impaired by the late fatigues and labours, and especially by my late journey to Susquahannah.
July 1. I preached again twice to a very serious and attentive assembly, who had now learned to attend the worship of God with _Christian decency_.
There were now between _forty_ and _fifty_ persons of them present, old and young.
I spent some time in discoursing with them in private, enquiring what they remembered of the great truths that had been taught them. It was amazing to see how they had retained the instructions given them, and what knowledge some of them had acquired in a few days.
July 2. I was obliged to leave these Indians at Crosweeksung, thinking it my duty, as soon as health would admit, to visit those at the Forks of Delaware. When I came to take leave of them, they all earnestly enquired when I would come again, and expressed a great desire of being farther instructed: and of their own accord agreed, that when I should come again, they would all meet and live together during my continuance with them; and that they would do their utmost endeavours to gather all the other Indians in these parts that were farther remote. And when I parted, one told me with many tears, “She wished God would change her heart,” another, that “She wanted to find Christ:” and an old man that had been one of their _chiefs_, wept bitterly. I then promised them to return as speedily as my health and business would admit, and felt not a little concerned at parting, least good impressions might wear off.
Afterwards I rode to Brunswick, near forty miles, and lodged there. I felt my heart drawn out after God in prayer almost all the afternoon: and in the evening could not help crying to God for these poor Indians; and after I went to bed, my heart continued to go out to God for them, till I dropped asleep.
[He was now so beat out by constant preaching, that he found it necessary to give himself some relaxation. He spent therefore about a week in New-Jersey, visiting several ministers, and performing some necessary business. On Friday, July 12. He arrived at his own house in the Forks of Delaware; continuing still free from melancholy and from day to day enjoying freedom and refreshment.]
Lord’s-day, July 14. I discoursed to the Indians twice, several of whom appeared convinced of their sin and misery; so that they wept much the whole time of divine service.
Thursday, July 18. I longed to spend the little inch of time I have in the world for God: Felt a spirit of seriousness, tenderness, and devotion, and wished to spend the whole night in prayer and communion with God.
Friday, July 19. In the evening I walked abroad for prayer and meditation, and enjoyed composure and freedom especially, in meditation on Revelation iii. 12. “Him that overcometh, will I make a pillar in the temple of my God.” Oh, when shall I _go no more out_ from the service and enjoyment of the dear Lord! Lord, hasten the blessed day.
Lord’s-day, July 21. I preached to the Indians first, then to a number of white people, and in the afternoon to the Indians again.――Divine truths seemed to make very considerable impressions upon several of them and caused tears to flow freely.
Afterwards I baptized my interpreter and his wife, the first I baptized among the Indians.
They are both persons of some _experimental_ knowledge in religion; have both been awakened to a solemn concern for their souls and brought to a sense of their misery and undoneness; and have both been comforted with divine consolations.
It may perhaps be satisfactory that I should give some relation of his experience since he has been with me.
When I first employed him in the beginning of summer 1744, he was well fitted for his work in regard of his acquaintance with the Indian and English language; and in regard of his desire that the Indians should conform to the customs and manners of the English. But he seemed to have no impression of religion, and in that respect was very _unfit_ for his work, being uncapable of understanding and communicating to others many things of importance; so that I laboured under great disadvantages in addressing the Indians, for want of his having an experimental acquaintance with divine truths; and, at times I was much discouraged, when I observed that divine truths made little or no impression upon him for many _weeks_ together.
He indeed behaved soberly, (although before he had been a hard drinker) and seemed honestly engaged as far he was capable in the performance of his work, and especially he was very desirous that the Indians should conform to the customs of the Christian world. But still seemed to have no concern about his own soul.
Near the latter end of July 1744, I preached to an assembly of white people, with freedom and fervency: at which time he was present, and was somewhat awakened; so that the next day he discoursed freely with me and gave me an opportunity to fasten the impressions upon his mind: and I could plainly perceive after this, that he addressed the Indians with more concern and fervency.
But these impressions seemed to decline, till in the fall of the year following he fell into a weak state of body. At this season divine truth took hold of him and made deep impressions upon his mind. He was under great concern for his soul, and was burdened from day to day. At length his sleep departed from him, and he had little rest day or night; but walked about under great pressure of mind, and appeared like another man to his neighbours who could not but observe his behaviour with wonder.
After he had been sometime striving for mercy, he says, there seemed to be an impassable mountain before him. He was pressing towards heaven, but “his way was hedged up with thorns, that he could not stir an inch farther.” He looked this way and that way, but could find no way at all. He felt it signified just nothing at all to strive and struggle any more. And here he says, he gave over striving, and felt that it was a gone case with him, and that all his attempts were, and for ever would be vain and fruitless.
He knew, he said, he was not guilty of such actions as others were guilty of. He had not been used to steal, quarrel, and murder; which is common among the Indians. He likewise knew that he had done many things that were right. But still his cry was, “that he had never done one good thing,” (meaning that he had never done any thing from a right _principle_, though he had done many things that were _materially_ good.) And now I thought, said he, that I must sink down to hell, that there was no hope for me, “because I never could do any thing that was good;” and if God let me alone never so long, still I should do nothing but what is bad.
There was one thing more in his view of things that was very remarkable. He not only saw, what a miserable state he himself was in, but he saw the world around him were in the same perishing circumstances. And this he saw clearly, “as if he was now awaked out of sleep, or had a cloud taken from before his eyes.” He saw that the life he had lived was the way to eternal death, that he was now on the brink of endless misery: and when he looked round he saw multitudes of others who had lived the same life with himself, had no more goodness than he, and yet dreamed that they were safe enough, as he had formerly done.
*After he had been some time in this condition, sensible of the impossibility of helping himself; he says, it was borne in upon his mind as if it had been audibly spoken, “There is hope, there is hope.” Whereupon his soul seemed to be in some measure satisfied, though he had no considerable joy; neither can he remember distinctly any views he had of Christ, or give any clear account of his acceptance through him.
But this was followed by a great change, so that it might justly be said, he was become _another man_. Even the world could not but admire what had befallen him, to make so great a change in his temper, discourse, and behaviour.―――
And especially there was a surprising alteration in his public performances. He now addressed the Indians with admirable fervency, and scarce knew when to leave off: and sometimes when I had concluded my discourse, and was returning homeward, he would tarry behind to repeat and inculcate what had been spoken.
His change is _abiding_, and his life _unblemished_ to this day, though it is now more than six months since he experienced it; in which space he has been as much exposed to _strong drink_, as possible, in divers places; and yet has never discovered any desire after it.
*And upon strict observation of his Christian temper, and unblemished behaviour for so considerable a time, I think I have reason to hope that he is “created anew in Christ Jesus to good works.”
His name is Moses Tinda Tautamy; he is about fifty years of age, and pretty well acquainted with the notions and customs of his countrymen, and so is the better able to expose them. He has already been, and I trust will yet be a blessing to other Indians.
Friday, July 26. In the evening, God was pleased to help me in prayer, beyond what I have experienced for some time; especially for the conversion of my poor people: my soul relied on God for the accomplishment of that great work. Oh, how sweet were the thoughts of death to me at this time! How I longed to be with Christ, to be employed in the glorious work of angels, and with an angel’s freedom, vigour, and delight! And yet how willing was I to stay awhile on earth, that I might do something, if the Lord pleased for his interest. My soul longed for the ingathering of the poor Heathen; and I cried to God for them most willingly and heartily. This was a sweet season; I had a lively taste of heaven, and a temper suited in some measure to the entertainment of it. My soul was grieved to leave the place; but my body was weak and worn out. I longed that the remaining part of my life might be filled up with more fervency and activity in the things of God! Oh the inward peace, composure, and God-like serenity of such a frame! Heaven must needs differ from this only in degree, and not in kind.
Lord’s-day, July 28. I preached again, and perceived my people more thoughtful than ever. I was told by some, that seeing my interpreter and his wife baptized made them more concerned than any thing they had ever seen or heard. There was indeed a considerable appearance of divine power among them at the time.
July 30. I discoursed to a number of my people, and gave them particular advice, being about to leave them for the present, in order to visit the Indians in New-Jersey. They were very attentive, and earnestly desirous to know when I designed to return.
[On Wednesday, July 31. He set out on his return to Crosweeksung, and arrived there the next day. In his way he had longing desires that he might come to the Indians in the “fulness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ;” attended with a sense of his own great weakness, dependence and worthlessness.]
Friday, August 2. In the evening I retired, and my soul was drawn out in prayer to God; especially for my poor people, to whom I had sent word to gather together, that I might preach to them the next day. I was much enlarged in praying for their conversion; and scarce ever found my desires of it so sensibly and clearly free from selfish views. I had no desire to be the instrument of so glorious a work; if it might be accomplished to the honour of God, this was all my care; and for this I hoped, but with trembling. My rising hopes, have been so often dashed, that my spirit is broken, and I hardly dare hope.
Saturday, August 3. I now found them serious, and a number of them under deep concern for an interest in Christ: their convictions of their sinful and perishing state having, in my absence been much promoted by the labours of Mr. William Tennent, to whom I advised them to apply, and whose house they had frequented much.――I preached to them this day on Revelation xxii. 17. “And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.”
The Lord enabled me to set before them the Lord Jesus Christ as a kind and compassionate Saviour, inviting distressed and perishing sinners to accept everlasting mercy. And a surprising concern soon appeared among them. There were about twenty adult persons together, (many of the Indians at remote places, not having as yet had time to come since my return.) and not above two that I could see with dry eyes. Some discovered vehement longings after Christ, to save them from the misery they felt and feared.
Lord’s-day, August 4. Being invited by a neighbouring minister to assist in the administration of the Lord’s-supper, I complied with his request, and took the Indians along with me; not only those that were together the day before, but many more that were coming to hear me; so that there were near fifty in all.
_Now_ a change in their manners began to appear. In the evening when they came to sup together, they would not taste a morsel till they had sent to me to come and ask a blessing on their food; at which time sundry of them wept, especially when I minded them how they had in times past eat their feasts in _honour_ to _devils_, and neglected to thank God for them.
August 5. After a sermon had been preached by another minister, I preached, and concluded the public work of the solemnity from John vii. 37. In my discourse I addressed the Indians in particular, who sat by themselves in a part of the house; at which time one or two of them were struck with deep concern, who had been little affected before: others had their concern increased to a considerable degree. In the evening I discoursed to them, and found them universally engaged, inquiring, “What they should do to be saved?” And all their conversation among themselves turned upon _religious_ matters, in which they were much assisted by my interpreter, who was with them day and night.
*This day there was one woman, that had been much concerned ever since she heard me preach in June, who obtained comfort, I trust solid and well grounded: she seemed to be filled with love to Christ, at the same time she behaved humbly and tenderly, and appeared afraid of nothing so much as of grieving him whom her soul loved.
August 6. In the morning I discoursed to the Indians at the house where we lodged: many of them were then much affected, so that a few words about their souls would cause the tears to flow freely, and produce many sobs and groans.――――
*In the afternoon, they being returned to the place where I have usually preached among them, I again discoursed to them there. There were about fifty-five persons in all, about forty that were capable of attending divine service with understanding: I insisted upon 1 John iv. 10. “Herein is love,” &c. They seemed eager of hearing; but there appeared nothing very remarkable, till near the close of my discourse; and then divine truths were attended with a surprising influence. There was scarce _three_ in _forty_ that could refrain from tears and bitter cries. They all as one, seemed in an agony of soul to obtain an interest in Christ; and the more I discoursed of the love of God in sending his Son to suffer for the sins of men; and the more I invited them to come and partake of his love, the more their distress was aggravated.
It was surprising to see how their hearts were pierced with the tender invitations of the gospel, when there was not a word of terror spoken to them.
*There were this day two persons that obtained comfort, which appeared solid, rational, and scriptural. After I had enquired into the grounds of their comfort, I asked what they wanted God to do further for them? They replied, “They wanted Christ should wipe their hearts quite clean.”
*August 7. I preached to the Indians from Isaiah liii. 3‒10. There was a remarkable influence attending the word. Most were much affected, and many in great distress; and some could neither go nor stand, but lay flat on the ground, as if pierced at heart, crying incessantly for mercy: several were newly awakened, and it was remarkable, that as fast as they came from remote places round about, the Spirit of God seemed to seize them.
After public service I found two persons more that had newly met with comfort, of whom I had good hopes; and a third that I could not but entertain some hopes of, so that here were now six in all that had got some relief from their spiritual distresses, and five whose experience appeared clear and satisfactory.
August 8. In the afternoon I preached to the Indians, their number was now about sixty-five persons, men, women, and children. I discoursed from Luke xiv. 16‒23, and was favoured with _uncommon_ freedom.
There was much concern among them while I was discoursing publicly; but afterwards when I spoke to one and another more particularly, the power of God seemed to descend upon the assembly “like a rushing mighty wind,” and with an astonishing energy bore down all before it.
*I stood amazed at the influence that seized the audience almost universally, and could compare it to nothing more aptly than a mighty torrent, that bears down and sweeps before it whatever is in its way. Almost all persons of all ages were bowed down together, and scarce one was able to withstand the _shock_ of this surprising operation. Old men and women, who had been drunken wretches for many years, and some little children, not more than six or seven years of age, appeared in distress for their souls, as well as persons of middle age. And it was apparent these children were not _merely_ frighted with seeing the general concern; but were made sensible of their danger, the badness of their hearts, and their misery without Christ. The most stubborn hearts were now obliged to bow. A principal man among the Indians, who before thought his state good, because he knew more than the generality of the Indians, and who with great confidence the day before, told me, “he had been a Christian more than ten years,” was now brought under solemn concern for his soul, and wept bitterly. Another man considerable in years, who had been a _murderer_, a _powwow_, and a notorious drunkard, was likewise brought now to cry for mercy with many tears, and to complain much that he could be no more concerned when he saw his danger so great.
*They were almost universally praying and crying for mercy in every part of the house, and many out of doors, and numbers could neither go nor stand: their concern was so great, each for himself, that none seemed to take any notice of those about them, but each prayed for themselves; and were, to their own apprehension, as much retired as if every one had been by himself in a desert, or, rather, they thought nothing about _any_ but themselves, and so were every one praying _apart_, although all _together_.
It seemed to me there was now an exact fulfilment of that prophecy, Zechariah xii. 10, 11, 12. for there was now “a great mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrimmon;”――and each seemed to “mourn apart.” Methought this had a near resemblance to the day of God’s power, mentioned Joshua x. 14. for I must say, I never saw _any day like it_ in all respects; it was a day wherein the Lord did much destroy the kingdom of darkness among this people.
This concern was most rational and just; those who had been awakened any considerable time, complained especially of the badness of their _hearts_; those newly awakened, of the badness of their _lives_ and _actions_; and all were afraid of the anger of God, and of everlasting misery as the desert of their sins.
Some of the _white_ people, who came out of curiosity to “hear what this babbler would say” to the poor ignorant Indians, were much awakened, and appeared to be wounded with a view of their perishing state.
Those who lately obtained relief, were filled with comfort; they appeared calm and rejoiced in Christ Jesus; and some of them took their distressed friends by the hand, telling them of the goodness of Christ, and the comfort that is to be enjoyed in him, and invited them to come and give up their hearts to him. And I could observe some of them, in the most unaffected manner, lifting up their eyes to heaven, as if crying for mercy, while they saw the distress of the poor souls around them.
*There was one remarkable instance this day, that I cannot but take particular notice of. A young Indian woman, who, I believe, never knew before she had a soul, hearing that there was something strange among the Indians, came (it seems) to see what was the matter. I had not proceeded far in my discourse, before she felt _effectually_ that she had a soul: and before I had concluded, was so convinced of her sin and misery, and so distressed with concern for her soul, that she seemed like one pierced through with a dart, and cried out incessantly. She could neither go nor stand, nor sit on her seat without being held up. After public service was over, she lay flat on the ground praying earnestly, and would take no notice of, nor give any answer to any that spoke to her, I hearkened to hear what she said, and perceived the burden of her prayer to be, _Guttummaukalummeh wechaumeh kmeleh Ndah_, i. e. “Have mercy on me, and help me to give you my heart.” And thus she continued praying incessantly for many hours.
August 9. I spent almost the whole day with the Indians, the former part of it in discoursing with them privately, especially some who lately received comfort, and endeavouring to inquire into the grounds of it, as well as to give them some proper instructions, cautions, and directions.
In the afternoon I discoursed to them publickly. There were now present about seventy persons. I opened and applied the parable of the sower, and was enabled to discourse with much plainness. There were many tears among them while I was discoursing, but no considerable cry: yet some were much affected with a few words spoken from Matthew xi. 28. with which I concluded. But while I was discoursing near night to two or three of the awakened persons, a divine influence seemed to attend what was spoken, which caused the persons to cry out in anguish of soul, although I spoke not a word of terror; but, on the contrary, set before them the fulness of Christ’s merits, and his willingness to save all that came to him.
*The cry of these was heard by others, who, though scattered before, immediately gathered round. I then proceeded in the same strain of gospel invitation, till they were all melted into tears and cries, except two or three; and seemed in the greatest distress to find and secure an interest in the great Redeemer.――Some who had but little more than a _ruffle_ made in their _passions_ the day before, seemed now to be deeply affected: and the concern in general appeared near as prevalent as the day before. There was indeed a very _great mourning_ among them and yet every one seemed to _mourn apart_. For so great was their concern, that almost every one was praying and crying for himself, as if none had been near, _Guttummaukalummeh, guttummaukalummeh_, i. e. “Have mercy upon me, have mercy upon me;” was the common cry.
It was very affecting to see the poor Indians, who the other day were yelling in their _idolatrous_ feasts, now crying to God with such importunity, for an interest in his dear Son!
I found two or three who I hope had taken comfort upon good grounds since the evening before; and these, with others that had obtained comfort, were together, and seemed to rejoice much that God was carrying on his work with such power upon others.
August 10. I began to discourse privately with those who had obtained comfort: endeavouring to instruct, direct, caution, and comfort them. But others being eager of hearing every word that related to spiritual concerns, soon came together one after another: and when I had discoursed to the _young converts_ more than half an hour, they seemed much melted with divine things, and earnestly desirous to be with Christ.
When I had spent some time with these, I turned to the other Indians, and spoke to them from Luke xix. 10. I had not discoursed long before their concern rose to a great degree, and the house was filled with cries and groans. And when I insisted on the compassion and care of the Lord Jesus Christ for _those that were lost_, and could find no way of escape, this melted them down the more, and aggravated their distress, that they could not come to so kind a Saviour.
Sundry persons, who before had been but slightly awakened, were now deeply wounded. And one man in particular, who was never before awakened, was now made to feel, that “the word of the Lord was quick and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword.” He seemed to be pierced to the heart, and said, “all the wickedness of his past life was brought fresh to his remembrance, and he saw all the vile actions he had done formerly, as if done but yesterday.”
I found one that had newly received comfort, after pressing distress. I could not but admire the divine goodness. There seems to be some good done by every discourse, some newly awakened every day, and some comforted.
Lord’s-day, August 11. I discoursed upon part of St. Peter’s sermon, Acts ii. and at the close of my discourse to the Indians, made an address to the _white_ people, and divine truths seemed to be attended with power both to the English and Indians. Several of the _white Heathen_ were awakened, and could no longer be idle spectators, but found they had souls to save as well as the Indians, and a great concern spread through the whole assembly, so that this also appeared to be a day of God’s power.
The number of the Indians, old and young, was now upwards of seventy, and one or two were newly awakened this day, who never appeared to be moved before.
Those that had obtained comfort, and had given evidences, of a saving change, appeared humble and devout, and behaved in an agreeable and Christian manner. I was refreshed to see the tenderness of conscience manifest in some of them. *Perceiving one of them very sorrowful in the morning, I enquired into the cause of her sorrow, and found she had been angry with her child the evening before, and was in fear lest her anger had been inordinate, which so grieved her, that she waked and began to sob before daylight, and continued weeping for several hours together.
August 14. I spent the day with the Indians. There was one of them who had some time since put away his wife, (as is common among them) and taken another woman, and being now brought under some serious impressions, was earnestly desirous to know what God would have him do. When the law of God respecting _marriage_ had been opened to them, and the cause of his leaving his wife enquired into; and when it appeared she had given him no just occasion by _unchastity_ to desert her, and that she was willing to forgive his past misconduct, he was then told, that it was his indispensable duty to renounce the woman he had last taken, and receive the other who was his proper wife; with which he chearfully complied, and thereupon publicly renounced the woman he had last taken, and publicly promised to live with his wife during life.――――And here appeared a clear demonstration of the power of God’s word upon their hearts. A few weeks before the whole world could not have persuaded him to a compliance with Christian rules in this affair.
August 15. I preached from Luke iv. 16‒21. The word was attended with power upon the hearts of the hearers. There was much concern, many tears, and affecting cries among them, and some were deeply wounded. There were some newly awakened, and convictions seemed to be promoted in others.――Those that had received comfort, were likewise refreshed and strengthened, and the work of grace appeared to advance in all respects.
August 16. I spent a considerable time in conversing privately with sundry of the Indians. I found one that had comfort, after pressing concern, and could not but hope, when I discoursed with her, that her comfort was of the right kind.
In the afternoon toward the close of my discourse, divine truths were attended with considerable power upon the audience, and more especially after public service was over, when I particularly addressed the distressed persons.
There was a great concern for their souls spread generally among them: but especially there were two persons newly awakened, one of whom was lately come, and the other had all along been very attentive, but could never before have any lively view of her perishing state. But now her spiritual distress was such, that I had never seen _any_ more pressing. Sundry _old_ men were also in distress for their souls; so that they could not refrain from weeping and crying out aloud, and their bitter groans were the most convincing, as well as affecting evidence of the depth of their inward anguish.――God is powerfully at work among them! True and genuine convictions of sin are daily promoted in many instances, and some are newly awakened from time to time.
August 17. I spent much time in private conferences with the Indians. I found one who had newly obtained comfort, after a long season of spiritual distress, (he was one of my hearers in the Forks of Delaware for more than a year, and now followed me hither under deep concern) and I had abundant reason to hope that his comfort was well grounded.
Friday, August 23. I spent some time with the Indians in private discourse; and afterwards preached. Several appeared deeply concerned for their souls, and could not but express their inward anguish by tears and cries. But the amazing influence that has been so powerfully among them, seems, at present in some degree abated.
August 24. I spent the forenoon in discoursing to some of the Indians, in order to their receiving the ordinance of _baptism_. When I had opened the nature of the ordinance, the obligations attending it, the duty of devoting ourselves to God in it, and the privilege of being _in covenant_ with him, sundry of them seemed to be filled with love to God, and delighted with the thoughts of giving up themselves to him in that solemn and public manner.
Afterwards I discoursed publicly from 1 Thessalonians iv. 13‒17. There was a solemn attention, and visible concern in the time of public service, which was afterwards increased by some further exhortation given them to come to Christ, and give up their hearts to him, that they might be fitted to “ascend up and meet him in the air.”
There were several Indians newly come, who thought their state good, because they had lived with the _white people_, although they were altogether unacquainted with the power of religion.
With those I discoursed particularly after public worship, and was surprized to see their self-righteous disposition, and the high value they put upon their supposed attainments. Yet after much discourse, one appeared convinced, that “by the deeds of the law no flesh living should be justified,” and wept bitterly, inquiring, “what he must do to be saved?”
Lord’s-day, August 25. I preached in the forenoon from Luke xv. 3‒7. There being a multitude of _white_ people present, I made an address to them at the close of my discourse: but could not so much as keep them orderly; for scores of them kept walking and gazing about, and behaved more indecently than _any Indians_ I ever addressed.
Afterwards I baptized _twenty-five_ persons of the Indians, fifteen adults, and ten children. Most of the adults I have reason to hope are renewed persons: only the case of two or three appeared more doubtful.
After the croud of spectators was gone, I called the baptized persons together, and discoursed to them in particular, minded them of the solemn obligations they were now under to live to God, and encouraged them to watchfulness and devotion, by setting before them the _comfort_ and happy _conclusion_ of a religious life.――This was a sweet season! Their hearts were engaged and chearful in duty, and they rejoiced that they had in a public and solemn manner dedicated themselves to God.――Love seemed to reign among them! They took each other by the hand with tenderness and affection, as if their hearts were knit together, while I was discoursing to them: and all their deportment towards each other was such, that a _serious spectator_ might justly be excited to cry out with admiration, “Behold how they love one another!” Sundry of the other Indians at seeing and hearing these things, were much affected and wept bitterly, longing to be partakers of the same comfort that these discovered by their countenances as well as conduct.
Monday, August 26. I preached from John vi. 51‒55. After I had discoursed some time, I addressed those in particular who entertained hopes that they were “passed from death to life.” I opened to them the nature of those consolations Christ gives his people, shewed them that such have already the “beginnings of eternal life,” (verse 54.) and that their _heaven_ shall be speedily completed.
I no sooner begun to discourse, but the _Christians_ in the congregation began to be melted with affection to, and desire of the enjoyment of Christ, and of a state of perfect purity. They wept affectionately and yet joyfully, and their tears and sobs discovered _brokenness_ of heart, and yet were attended with _comfort_ and _sweetness_; so that this was a tender, affectionate, humble, delightful, melting, and appeared to be the genuine effect of the spirit of _adoption_. The influence spread from these through the whole assembly, and there quickly appeared a wonderful concern among them. Many who had not yet found Christ, were surprisingly engaged in seeking him. Their number was now about _ninety-five_ persons, and almost all affected either with _joy_ in Christ, or with the _utmost concern_ to obtain an interest in him.
Being convinced it was now my duty to take a journey to the Indians on Susquahannah river, after having spent some hours in public and private discourses with my people, I told them that I must leave them for the present, and go to their _brethren_ far remote, and preach to them; that I wanted the spirit of God should go with me, without whom nothing could be done to any good purpose, as they themselves had had an opportunity to see: and asked them if they would not spend the remainder of the day in prayer for me, that God would go with me, and succeed my endeavours. *They chearfully complied, and soon after I left them (the sun being then about an hour and half high) they began and continued praying all night till break of day, never mistrusting (they told me) till they went and saw the morning star a considerable height, that it was later than common bed time.
This day an _old_ Indian, who has all his days been an obstinate _idolater_, was brought to give up his _rattles_ (which they use for music in their _idolatrous_ feasts and dances) to the other Indians, who quickly destroyed them; and this without an attempt of mine in the affair, so that it was nothing but the power of God’s word, without any particular application to this sin, that produced this effect. Thus God has begun, thus he has hitherto carried on a work of grace among these Indians. May the glory be ascribed to him, who is the sole author of it!
[The next day he set out on a journey towards the forks of Delaware, designing to go from thence to Susquahannah, before he returned to Crosweeksung. It was five days from his departure from Crosweeksung, before he reached the forks, going round by the way of Philadelphia, and waiting on the governor of Pensylvania, to get a recommendation from him to the chiefs of the Indians.]
_Forks of Delaware._
Lord’s-day, September 1. I preached to the Indians here, from Luke xiv. 16‒23.
Afterwards I preached to a number of _white_ people, and observed many of them in tears, and some who had been formerly as careless and unconcerned about religion as the Indians.
Towards night I discoursed to the Indians again and perceived a greater attention, and more visible concern among them, than has been usual in _these parts_.
September 3. I preached to the Indians from Isaiah liii. 3‒6. The divine presence seemed to be in the midst of the assembly, and a considerable concern spread among them. Sundry persons seemed to be awakened, among whom were two stupid creatures, that I could scarce ever before ♦keep awake while I was discoursing to them.
♦ “awake” replaced with “keep awake” per Errata
Wednesday, September 4. I rode 15 miles to an Irish settlement, and preached there from Luke xiv. 22. “and yet there is room.” God was pleased to afford me some tenderness and enlargement in the first prayer, and much freedom, as well as warmth in the sermon. There were many tears in the assembly: the people of God seemed to melt, and others to be in some measure awakened. Blessed be the Lord, that lets me see his work going on in one place and another.
September 5. I discoursed to the Indians from the parable of the sower, and afterwards conversed particularly with sundry persons, which occasioned them to weep, and even to cry out in an affecting manner, and seized others with surprise and concern. Several of these had been with me to Crosweeksung, and some of them felt the power of God’s word. I asked one of them why he cried? He replied, “When he thought how Christ was slain like a lamb and spilt his blood for sinners, he could not help crying:” and thereupon burst into tears and cries again. I then asked his wife, who likewise had been abundantly comforted, wherefore she cried? She answered, “She was grieved that the Indians here would not come to Christ, as well as those at Crosweeksung.” I asked her if she found a heart to pray for them, and whether Christ had been near to her of late in prayer, as in time past? (which is my usual method of expressing a sense of the divine presence.) She replied, “Yes, he had been near to her; and that at sometimes when she had been praying alone, her heart loved to pray so, that she could not bear to leave the place, but wanted to stay and pray longer.”
Lord’s-day, September 8. I discoursed to the Indians, forenoon and afternoon. The word of God seemed to fall with _weight_ and influence upon them. There were but few present, but most that were, were in tears, and sundry cried out under distressing concern for their souls.
There was one man awakened, who never before discovered any concern for his soul. There appeared a remarkable work of the Spirit, not unlike what had been at Crosweeksung. It seemed as if the divine influence had spread from thence to this place.
Sundry of the careless white people now present were startled seeing the power of God so prevalent among the Indians. I then made a particular address to them, which seemed to make some impression upon them.
In the evening God was pleased to enlarge me in prayer, and give me freedom at the throne of grace; I cried to God for the enlargement of his kingdom, particularly among my dear people: and for many dear ministers of my acquaintance, both in these parts and in New-England. And my soul was so engaged in that sweet exercise, that I knew not how to leave the mercy seat. I saw God was both able and willing to do all that I desired. And when I was going to bed, God helped me to renew my petitions with ardency and freedom.
Monday, September 9. I left the Forks of Delaware, and set out for Susquahannah-river, directing my course towards the Indian-town more than an hundred and twenty miles westward from the Forks.
September 13. After having lodged out three nights ♦I came to the Indian-town on Susquahannah called Shaumoking, (one of the places I visited in May last,) and was kindly received by the Indians; but had little satisfaction by reason of the heathenish dance they held in the house where I was obliged to lodge, which I could not suppress, though I often intreated them to desist, for the sake of one who was sick in the house.
♦ “at” replaced with “I came to” per Errata
This town lies partly on the east side of the river, partly on the west, and partly on a large island in it, and contains upwards of fifty houses, and near three hundred persons: but of three different tribes, speaking three languages wholly _unintelligible_ to each other. About one half of its inhabitants are Delawares, the others called Senakas, and Tutelas. The Indians of this place are counted the most drunken, mischievous, and ruffianly _fellows_ of any in these parts; and _Satan_ seems to have his _seat_ in this _town_ in an eminent manner.
Saturday, September 14. I visited the Delaware king, (who was supposed to be at the point of death when I was here in May, but was now recovered,) discoursed with him and others respecting Christianity, and had more encouragement than I expected. The _king_ appeared willing to be instructed; this gave me some hope, that God would open an _effectual door_ for my preaching the gospel here. This was a refreshment to me in the wilderness, and rendered my _solitary_ circumstances comfortable.
*In the evening my soul was enlarged in prayer; especially, that God would set up his kingdom in this place. My soul cried, “Lord, set up thy kingdom, for thine own glory. Glorify thyself; and I shall rejoice. Get honour to thy blessed name; and this is all I desire. Do with me just what thou wilt. Blessed be thy name for ever, that thou art God, and that thou wilt glorify thyself. O that the whole world might glorify thee! O let these poor people be brought to know thee, and love thee, for the glory of thy ever-blessed name!”
Lord’s-day, September 15. I visited the _chief_ of the Delawares again; and discoursed to the Indians in the afternoon. I still hoped that God would open their hearts to receive the gospel, though many of them were so drunk from day to day, that I could get no opportunity to speak to them.
September 16. I spent the forenoon with the Indians, endeavouring to instruct them from house to house, and to engage them, to be friendly to Christianity.
Towards night I went to a part of the town where they were _sober_, and got together near fifty persons of them.――There was a surprising attention among them, and they manifested a desire of being further instructed. There was also one or two that seemed to be touched, and appeared pleased with some conversation in private, after I had concluded my public discourse.
My spirits were much refreshed, and I could not but return with my interpreter (having no _other companion_ in this journey) to my poor hard lodgings, rejoicing in hopes that God designed to set up his kingdom here, and found uncommon freedom in addressing the throne of grace for the accomplishment of so glorious a work.
September 17. I spent the forenoon in discoursing to the Indians. About noon I left Shaumoking, (most of the Indians going out this day to hunt,) and travelled down the river south-westward.
September 19. I visited an Indian town called _Juneauta_, situate on an island in Susquahannah. I was much discouraged with the behaviour of the Indians here. Although they appeared friendly when I was with them last spring; yet they now seemed resolved to retain their Pagan notions, and persist in their _idolatrous_ practices.
September 20. I visited the Indians again at Juneauta island, and found them busy in making preparations for a great _sacrifice_ and _dance_. So I had no opportunity to get them together in order to discourse about Christianity. My spirits were much sunk, especially seeing I had now no interpreter but a Pagan, who was as much attached to _idolatry_ as any of them. However, I discoursed privately with some of them, but without any appearance of success.
In the evening they met together, near an hundred of them, and danced round a large fire, having prepared ten fat deer for the _sacrifice_. The fat of the inwards they burnt in the fire while they were dancing, and sometimes raised the flame to a prodigious height, at the same time yelling and shouting in such a manner, that they might have been heard two miles or more.
They continued their _sacred dance_ all night; after which they eat the _flesh_ of the _sacrifice_, and retired each to his lodging.
I enjoyed little satisfaction this night, being entirely alone on the island, (as to any Christian company,) and having walked to and fro’ till body and mind were much oppressed, I at length crept into a little crib made for corn, and there slept on the poles.
*Lord’s-day, September 21. I spent the day with the Indians on the island. As soon as they were up, I attempted to instruct them, and laboured to get them together, but quickly found they had something else to do; for they gathered together all their _powwows_, (or conjurers,) and set about half a dozen of them to playing their tricks, and acting their frantic postures, in order to find out why they were so sickly, numbers of them being at that time disordered with a _fever_, and bloody _flux_. In this they were engaged for several hours, making all the wild distracted motions imaginable: sometimes singing; sometimes howling; sometimes extending their hands to the utmost stretch, spreading all their fingers, and seemed to push with them, as if they designed to fright something away, or at least keep it off at arms-end; sometimes stroking their faces with their hands, then spurting water as fine as mist; sometimes sitting flat on the earth, then bowing down their faces to the ground; wringing their sides, as if in pain and anguish: twisting their faces, turning up their eyes, grunting, or puffing.
*Their monstrous actions seemed to have something in them peculiarly suited to raise the devil, if he could be raised by any thing odd and frightful. Some of them were much more fervent in the business than others, and seemed to _chant_, _peep_, and _mutter_ with a great degree of warmth and vigour. I sat about thirty feet from them, (though undiscovered) with my bible in my hand, resolving, if possible, to spoil their sport, and prevent their receiving any answers from the _infernal_ world. They continued their hideous charms for more than three hours, until they had all wearied themselves out, although they had taken sundry intervals of rest: and at length broke up, I apprehended, without receiving any answer.
After they had done powwowing, I attempted to discourse with them about Christianity; but they soon scattered, and gave no opportunity. A view of these things, while I was destitute of the society of any one that so much as “named the name of Christ,” greatly sunk my spirits, so that I had no heart nor power to make any further attempts among them.
The Indians of this island many of them understand English, having formerly lived in Maryland near the white people, but are very vicious, drunken, and profane, although not so _savage_ as those who have less acquaintance with the English. Their method of _charming_ over the sick, seems somewhat different from that of other Indians: and the whole of it perhaps is an imitation of what seems, by Naaman’s expression, 2 Kings v. 11. to have been the custom of the ancient Heathens. For it seems chiefly to consist in their “striking their hands over the diseased,” repeatedly stroking of them, “and calling upon their gods,” excepting the spurting of water, and some other frantic ceremonies common to the other _conjurations_.
*When I was in these parts in May last, I had an opportunity of learning many of the customs of the Indians: I then travelling more than an hundred and thirty miles upon the river above the English settlements; and had in that journey a view of persons of _seven_ or _eight_ distinct tribes, speaking so many different languages. But of all the sights I ever saw among them, none appeared so near a-kin to what is usually imagined of _infernal powers_, as the appearance of one who was a devout and zealous reformer, or rather restorer, of what he supposed was the ancient religion of the Indians. He made his appearance in his _♦pontifical garb_, which was a coat of _bear skins_, dressed with the hair on, and hanging down to his toes, a pair of bear-skin stockings, and a great _wooden_ face, painted the one half black and the other tawny, about the colour of an Indian’s skin, with an extravagant mouth, cut very much awry; the face fastened to a bear-skin cap, which was drawn over his head. He advanced toward me with the instrument in his hand that he used for music in his _idolatrous worship_ which was a dry _tortoise-shell_, with some corn in it, and the neck of it drawn on a piece of wood, which made a very convenient handle. As he came forward, he beat his tune with the _rattle_, and danced with all his might, but did not suffer any part of his body, not so much as his fingers, to be seen: and no man would have guessed, by his appearance, that he could have been a human creature. When he came near me, I could not but shrink away from him, although it was then noon day, and I knew who it was. He had a house consecrated to religious uses, with divers images cut out upon the several parts of it; I went in and found the ground beat almost as hard as a rock with their frequent dancing.――I discoursed with him about Christianity, and some of my discourse he seemed to like, but some of it he disliked entirely. He told me that God had taught him his religion, and that he never would turn from it, but wanted to find some that would join heartily with him in it; for the Indians, he said, were grown very degenerate. He had thoughts, he said, of leaving all his friends, and travelling abroad, in order to find some that would join with him; for he believed God had some good people some where, that felt as he did. He had not always, he said, felt as he now did, but had _formerly_ been like the rest of the Indians, until about four or five years ago: then, he said, his heart was very much distressed, so that he could not live among the Indians, but got away into the woods, and lived alone for some months. At length, he says, God shewed him what he should do; and since that time he had known God, and tried to serve him; and loved all men, be they who they would, so as he never did before.――He treated me with uncommon courtesy, and seemed to be hearty in it.――――And I was told by the Indians, that he opposed their drinking strong liquor with all his power; and if at any time he could not dissuade them from it, he would leave them, and go crying into the woods. It was manifest he had a set of religious notions that he had looked into _for himself_, and not taken for _granted_ upon bare tradition; and he relished or disrelished whatever was spoken of a religious nature, according as it either agreed or disagreed with _his standard_. And while I was discoursing he would sometimes say, “Now that I like: so God has taught me.” And some of his sentiments seemed very just. Yet he utterly denied the being of a _devil_, and declared there was no such creature known among the Indians of old times. He likewise told me, that departed souls all went southward, and that the difference between the good and bad was this, that the _former_ were admitted into a beautiful town with _spiritual_ walls, or walls agreeable to the nature of souls; and that the _latter_ would for ever hover round those walls, and in vain attempt to get in. He seemed to be sincere, honest, and conscientious in his _own way_, which was more than I ever saw in any other Pagan; and I perceived he was derided among most of the Indians as a _precise zealot_. I must say, there was something in his temper that looked more like true religion than any thing I ever observed among other Heathens.
♦ “pontificial” replaced with “pontifical”
September 22. I made some further attempts to instruct the Indians on this island, but all to no purpose. They live so near the white people, that they are always in the way of strong liquor, as well as the ill examples of _nominal_ Christians; which renders it unspeakably ♦difficult to treat with them about Christianity.
♦ “diffcult” replaced with “difficult”
[On Monday, September 23. He left the Indians, in order to his return to the Forks of Delaware, in a very weak state of body, and under dejection of mind, which continued the two first days of his journey.]
Thursday, September 26. I was still much disordered in body, and able to ride but slowly, I continued my journey however. Near night I arrived at the Irish settlement, about fifteen miles from mine own house. This day I was much exercised with a sense of my barrenness: and verily thought, there was no creature that had any true grace, but what was more spiritual and fruitful than I: I could not think that any of God’s children made so poor a hand of living to God as I.
_Forks of Delaware._
October 1. I discoursed to the Indians here, and afterwards invited them to follow me to Crosweeksung as soon as their conveniency would admit; which invitation sundry of them chearfully accepted.
Saturday, October 5. I preached at Crosweeksung, from John xiv. 1‒6. The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly. Numbers were affected, and some comforted.
O what a difference is there between these and the Indians upon Susquahannah! To be with _those_ seemed like being banished from God and all his people; to be with _these_ like being admitted into his family, and to the enjoyment of his presence! How great is the change made upon these Indians, who not many months ago were as averse to Christianity, as those upon Susquahannah!
Lord’s-day, October 6. I preached in the forenoon from John x. 7‒11. There was a considerable melting among my people; the young Christians were comforted and strengthened, and one or two persons newly awakened.
In the afternoon I discoursed on the story of the jailor, Acts xvi. and in the evening expounded Acts xx. 1‒12. There was at this time a melting through the whole assembly. There was scarce a dry eye to be seen among them, and nothing but what tended to excite a Christian ardour and spirit of devotion.
After public service I withdrew, and the Indians continued praying among themselves for near two hours together; which exercises appeared to be attended with a blessed influence from on high.
I could not but earnestly wish that numbers of God’s people had been present at this season, to see and hear these things which I am sure must refresh the heart of every true lover of Zion. To see those, who very lately were savage Pagans and idolaters, “having no hope, and without God in the world,” now filled with a sense of divine love, and worshipping the “Father in spirit and in truth,” was not a little affecting; and especially to see them so tender and humble, as well as lively, fervent, and devout.
Monday, October 7. Being called by the church of East-Hampton on Long-Island, as a member of a council, to advise in affairs of difficulty in that church, I set out this morning, before it was well light, and travelled to Elisabeth-Town.
[He prosecuted his journey with the other ministers that were sent for: and did not return till October 24.]
October 24. I discoursed from John iv. 13‒14. There was a great attention, and an unaffected melting in the assembly.――It is surprising to see how eager they are to hear the word of God. I have often thought they would chearfully attend divine worship twenty-four hours together.
October 25. I discoursed to my people on the _resurrection_, from Luke xx. 27‒36. And when I came to mention the blessedness the good shall enjoy at that season; their final freedom from death, and sorrow; their equality to the _angels_ in regard of their nearness to, and enjoyment of Christ; and their being the _children of God_, openly acknowledged by him _as such_; I say, when I mentioned these things, numbers of them were much affected, and melted with a view of this blessed state.
October 26. Being called to assist in the administration of the Lord’s-supper in a neighbouring congregation, I invited my people to go with me, who embraced the opportunity chearfully, and attended the discourses of that solemnity with diligence and affection, most of them now understanding something of the English language.
Lord’s-day, October 27. While I was preaching to a vast assembly of people abroad, who appeared generally easy and secure enough, there was one Indian woman, a stranger, who never heard me preach before, nor ever regarded any thing about religion, (being now persuaded by some of her friends to come though much against her will) was seized with a pressing concern for her soul, and soon after expressed a great desire of going home, (more than forty miles distant) to call her husband, that he also might have a concern for his soul. Some other of the Indians also appeared to be affected with divine truths this day.
The pious people of the English (numbers of whom I had an opportunity to converse with) seemed refreshed with seeing the Indians worship God in that devout and solemn manner, and could not but “glorify God, saying, Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted repentance unto life.”
*October 28. I discoursed from Matthew xxii. 1‒13. I was enabled to adapt my discourse to the capacities of my people, “I know not how,” in a plain, easy, and familiar manner, beyond all that I could have done by the utmost study: and this, with as much freedom, as if I had been addressing a common audience, who had been instructed in Christianity all their days.
*The word of God at this time seemed to fall upon the assembly with a divine power, especially toward the close of my discourse: there was both a sweet melting, and bitter mourning in the audience.――The Christians were refreshed and comforted, convictions revived in others, and sundry persons newly awakened who had never been with us before; and so much of the divine presence appeared in the assembly, that it seemed, “this was no other than the gate of heaven.” All that had any relish of divine things were even constrained to say, “Lord, it is good for us to be here!” If ever there was among my people an appearance of the New Jerusalem――“as a bride adorned for her husband,” there was at this time. And so agreeable was the entertainment, that I could scarce tell how to leave the place.
Lord’s-day, ♦November 3. I baptized _fourteen_ Indians, six adults and eight children: one of these was near _fourscore_ years of age, and I have reason to hope God has brought her home to himself: two of the others were men of _fifty_ years old, who had been singular even among the Indians for their wickedness; one of them had been a murderer, and both notorious drunkards, as well as excessive quarrelsome; but now I cannot but hope both are really changed. I deferred their baptism for many weeks, that I might have more opportunities to observe the fruits of those impressions they had been under. Indeed there ♠was not but one of the adults but had given me grounds to hope, that God had wrought a good work in their hearts.
♦ “October 23” replaced with “November 3”
♠ “was” replaced with “was not” per Errata
November 4. There were sundry of the persons lately come from remote places, that were now brought under deep concern for their souls; particularly one, who not long since came half drunk, and railed on us, and attempted to disturb us while engaged in divine worship, was so distressed, that she seemed unable to get any ease without an interest in Christ. There were many tears and affectionate groans in the assembly in general, some weeping for themselves, others for their friends. And though persons are doubtless much more easily affected now, than they were in the beginning ♦of this religious concern, when tears and cries for their souls were things unheard of among them; yet, their affection in general appeared _genuine_ and _unfeigned_; and especially in those newly awakened.
♦ “to” replaced with “of” per Errata
I baptized a child this day, and perceived several of the baptized persons, affected, as being thereby minded of their own solemn engagements.
I have now baptized in all _forty-seven_ persons of the Indians, twenty adults, and twenty-four children; thirty-five of them belonging to these parts, and the rest to the Forks of Delaware; and they have none of them yet been a disgrace to their profession.
Before I proceed, I would make a few remarks.
And _1st_, It is remarkable that God began this work among the Indians at a time when I had the least prospect of seeing a work of grace among them. My bodily strength being then much wasted by a tedious journey to Susquahannah, my mind exceedingly depressed with a view of the unsuccessfulness of my labours, I had little to hope that God would make me instrumental of the saving conversion of any of the Indians, whence I was ready to look upon myself as a burden to the society that employed me. I began to entertain serious thoughts of giving up my mission; and almost resolved I would, at the conclusion of the year, if I had no better prospect in my work than I had hitherto had.
In this frame of mind I first visited these Indians at Crosweeksung, apprehending it was my duty to make some attempts for their conversion, though I cannot say, I had any hope of success.
And yet _this_ was the very season that God saw fit to begin this glorious work in! And thus he “ordained strength out of weakness,” by making bare his almighty arm at a time when _all hopes_ and _human probabilities_ failed.――“Whence I learn that it is good to follow the path of duty, though in the midst of darkness and discouragement.”
_2dly_, It is remarkable how God, in a manner almost _unaccountable_, called these Indians together and how he ♦seized their minds with the most solemn concern as fast as they came to the place where his word was preached. When I first came into these parts, I found not one man at the place, but only four _women_, and a few children: but before I had been there many days, they gathered from all quarters, some from more than twenty miles distant: and when I made them a second visit, some came more than forty miles to hear me.
♦ “seised” replaced with “seized”
And many came without any intelligence of what was going on here, and consequently without any design, so much as to gratify their curiosity; so that it seemed as if God had summoned them together from all quarters for nothing else but to deliver his message to them.
Nor is it less surprising that they were one after another affected with a solemn concern, almost as soon as they came upon the spot ♦where divine truths were taught them. I could not but think, their coming to this place was like Saul and his messengers coming among the prophets; they no sooner came but they prophesied: and these were almost as soon affected with a sense of their sin and misery, and with an earnest concern for deliverance, as they made their appearance in our assembly.――――After this work of _grace_ began with power among them, it was common for _strangers_ of the Indians, before they had been with us one day, to be deeply convinced of their sin and misery, and to inquire with great solicitude, “What they should do to be saved?”
♦ “were” replaced with “where”
_3dly_, It is likewise remarkable how God preserved these poor ignorant Indians from being prejudiced against me, and the truths I taught them. There were many attempts made by some of the _white_ people to prejudice them against, or fright them from Christianity. They sometimes told them, the Indians were well enough already:――that there was no need of all this _noise_ about Christianity:――that if they were Christians, they would be in no better, no safer, or happier state, than they were already.
Sometimes they told them, that I was a _knave_, a _deceiver_: that I taught them lies, and had no other design but to impose upon them.
And when none of these suggestions would avail, they told the Indians, “My design was to gather together as large a body of men as I could, and sell them to England for slaves.” Nothing could be more likely to terrify the Indians, they being naturally of a jealous disposition, and the most averse to a state of servitude perhaps of any people living.
But all these insinuations (through divine goodness) constantly turned against the _authors_ of them, and only served to engage the affections of the Indians more firmly to me: for they could not but observe, that the persons who endeavoured to imbitter their minds against me, were altogether unconcerned about their own souls, and not only so, but vicious and profane; and thence could not but argue, that if they had no concern for their _own_, it was not likely they should have any for the souls of _others_.
It seems the more wonderful that the Indians were preserved from hearkening to these suggestions, as I was an utter stranger among them, and could give no assurance of my sincere affection, by any thing that was past,――while the persons that insinuated these things were their old acquaintance, who had had frequent opportunities of gratifying them, and consequently had the greatest interest in their affections.
_4thly_, Nor is it less wonderful how God was pleased to provide a _remedy_ for my want of skill in the Indian language, by remarkably fitting my interpreter for, and assisting him in the performance of his work. It might be supposed I must labour under a vast disadvantage in addressing the Indians by an interpreter, and that divine truths would lose much of their _energy_, by coming to the audience from a _second hand_. But although this has often been the case in times past, when my interpreter had little sense of divine things, yet now it is quite otherwise. I cannot think my addresses to the Indians since the beginning of this season of grace, have lost any thing of the power with which they were made, unless it were sometimes for want of pertinent expressions in the Indian language. My interpreter had before gained some good degree of _doctrinal_ knowledge, whereby he was capable of understanding and communicating the _meaning_ of my discourses, without being obliged to interpret word for word. He had likewise an _experimental_ acquaintance with divine things; and it pleased God at this season to inspire his mind with longing desires for the conversion of the Indians, and to give him admirable zeal and fervency in addressing them. And it is remarkable, that when I was favoured with any _special assistance_, and enabled to speak with more than common _freedom_, _fervency_, and _power_, he was affected in the same manner almost instantly, and enabled to speak in the same _pathetic_ language that I did. And a _surprising energy_ often accompanied the word at such seasons; so that the face of the whole assembly would be changed almost in an instant, and tears and sobs became common among them.
He likewise took pains day and night to inculcate upon the Indians the truths I taught them daily; and this not from spiritual pride, but from a spirit of faithfulness, and an honest concern for their souls.
And thus God, without bestowing on me the _gift of tongues_, could find a way wherein I might be effectually enabled to convey the truths of his glorious gospel to the minds of these poor benighted Pagans.
_Lastly_, The _effects_ of this work have been very remarkable. I doubt not but that many of these people have gained more knowledge of divine truths since June last, than could have been instilled into their minds by the most diligent use of proper means for whole _years_ together, without such a divine influence. Their Pagan notions and _idolatrous_ practices seem to be entirely abandoned. They are regularly disposed in the affairs of marriage; an instance whereof I have given in my Journal of August 14. They seem generally divorced from _drunkenness_, their darling vice, and the “sin that easily besets them:” so that I do not know of more than two or three who have been my steady hearers, that have drank to excess since I first visited them, although before it was common for some or other of them to be drunk almost every day: and some of them seem now to fear this sin in particular more than death itself. A principle of honesty and justice appears in many of them, and they seem concerned to discharge their old debts, which they have neglected, and, perhaps, scarce thought of for years past. Their manner of living is much more decent and comfortable than formerly. _Love_ reigns among them, especially those who have experienced a real change: and I never saw any appearance of _bitterness_ or _censoriousness_, nor any disposition to “esteem themselves better than others.”
*As their sorrows under _convictions_ have been great and pressing, so many of them have since appeared to “rejoice with joy unspeakable.” And yet their consolations do not incline them to _lightness_; but are attended with _solemnity_, and with _tears_, and brokenness of heart. And in this respect some of them have been surprised at themselves, and have with concern observed to me, that “when their hearts have been glad,” “they could not help crying for all.”
Upon the whole, here are all the evidences of a remarkable work of grace that can reasonably be looked for. May the _great Author_ maintain and promote the same _here_, and propagate it _every where_, till “the whole earth be filled with his glory!”
I have now rode more than three thousand miles since the beginning of March last; and almost the whole of it has been as a _missionary_, upon the design of propagating _Christian knowledge_ among the Indians. I have taken pains to look out for a _colleague_, to travel with me; but have not as yet found any person qualified and disposed for this good work.
As these poor Pagans stood in need of having “line upon line, and precept upon precept,” in order to their being grounded in the principles of Christianity; so I preached “publickly and taught from house to house,” almost every day for _whole weeks_ together. And my _public_ discourses did not then make up the one half of my work, while there were so many constantly coming to me with that important inquiry, “What must we do to be saved?” And yet I can say, (to the praise of God) that the success with which my labours were crowned, unspeakably more than compensated for the labour itself, and was likewise a great means of carrying me through fatigues, which my nature would have sunk under, without such an encouraging prospect. But although this success has afforded matter of support, comfort and thankfulness: yet in this season I have found great need of assistance in my work, and have been much oppressed for want of _one_ to bear a part of my _labours_ and _hardships_.――――
“May the Lord of the harvest send forth other labourers into this part of his harvest, that those who sit in darkness may see great light, and that the whole earth may be filled with the knowledge of himself!”
[Tuesday, November 5. He left the Indians, and spent the remaining part of this week in travelling to various parts of New-Jersey, in order to get a _collection_ for the use of the Indians, and to obtain a _school-master_ to instruct them.]
Lord’s day, November 10. [At Elisabeth-Town] I preached in the forenoon from 2 Corinthians v. 20. God was pleased to give me freedom and fervency; and the presence of God seemed to be in the assembly; numbers were affected, and there were many tears among them. In the afternoon I preached from Luke xiv. 22. “And yet there is room.” I was favoured with divine assistance in the first prayer, and poured out my soul to God with a filial temper; the living God also assisted me in sermon.
Friday, November 15. I could not cross the ferry by reason of the violence of the wind; nor could I enjoy any place of retirement at the ferry house. Yet God gave me some satisfaction in meditation, and lifting up my heart to God in the midst of company. And although some were drinking and talking profanely, yet my mind was calm and composed. And I could not but bless God, that I was not like to spend an eternity in such company.
Saturday, November 16. I crossed the ferry and arrived at Elisabeth’s-Town near night. I was in a composed frame of mind, and felt an entire resignation with respect to a loss I had lately sustained, in having my horse stolen from me the last Wednesday night.
*Friday, November 22. I rode to Mr. Tennent’s and from thence to Crosweeksung. Oh that I could fill up all my time, whether in the house or by the way, for God! I was enabled this day to give up my soul to God, and put all my concerns into his hands: and found real consolation in the thought of being entirely at his disposal and having no will or interest of my own. I have received my _all_ from God! Oh that I could return my _all_ to God! Surely God is worthy of my highest affection, and most devout adoration; he is infinitely worthy, that I should make him my last end, and live for ever to him: Oh that I might never more, in any one instance, live to myself!
Lord’s-day, November 24. I preached from the story of Zaccheus. When I insisted upon the _salvation_ that _comes to the sinner_, upon his becoming a true believer, the word seemed to be attended with divine power.――――Numbers were much affected;――former convictions were revived, one or two persons newly awakened;――and a most affectionate engagement appeared among them universally.
November 26. I was favoured with freedom and fervency in my discourse. Many wept affectionately, and scarce any appeared unconcerned. The influence that seized the audience appeared gentle, and yet deeply affected the heart. It excited in the persons under convictions of their lost state, heavy groans and tears:――――and in others who had obtained comfort, a sweet and humble melting. It seemed like the gentle but steady showers that effectually water the earth.
The persons lately awakened, were deeply distressed, and appeared earnestly ♦solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ: and some of them, in anguish of spirit, said, “They knew not what to do, nor how to get their wicked hearts changed.”
♦ “solicitious” replaced with “solicitous”
November 28. After public service was over, I asked one of the Indians who wept most affectionately, “What she now wanted?” She replied, “Oh to be with Christ! She did not know how to stay.” This was a blessed refreshing season to the religious people in general. The Lord Jesus Christ seemed to manifest his divine glory to them, as when _transfigured_ before his disciples. And they were ready universally to say, “Lord, it is good for us to be here.”
The influence of God’s word was not _confined_ to those who had given evidences of being truly gracious, though I calculated my discourse for, and directed it _chiefly_ to such: but it appeared to be a season of divine power in the whole assembly; so that most were, in some measure affected. And one aged man in particular, lately awakened, was now brought under deep and pressing concern, and was earnestly inquisitive “how he might find Jesus Christ.”
God seems still to vouchsafe the influence of his blessed Spirit, in all our meetings for divine worship.
November 30. I preached near night, after having spent some hours in private conference with some of my people. I explained the story of the rich man and Lazarus, Luke xvi. 19. 26. The word made powerful impressions upon many, especially while I discoursed of the blessedness of “Lazarus in Abraham’s bosom.” _This_ I could perceive, affected them much more than what I spoke of the _rich man’s_ torments. And thus it has been usually with them. They have appeared much more affected with the _comfortable_ than the _dreadful_ truths of God’s word. And that which has distressed many of them under convictions, is, that they wanted, and could not obtain the happiness of the godly; they have often appeared to be more affected with _this_, than with the _terrors_ of hell. But whatever be the _means_ of their awakening, it is plain, numbers are made _deeply sensible_ of their sin and misery, the wickedness of their own hearts, their _utter inability_ to help themselves, or come to Christ for help, without divine assistance.
Lord’s-day, December 1. I gave them particular cautions and directions relating to their conduct in divers respects. And pressed them to _watchfulness_ in all their deportment, seeing they were encompassed with those that “waited for their halting,” and who _stood ready_ to draw them into _temptations_ of every kind, and then to expose religion on their account.
Monday, December 9. I spent most of the day in procuring provisions, in order to my setting up house-keeping among the Indians.
Tuesday, December 10. Towards night I got into my own house.¹
¹ This is the third house that he built to dwell in by himself among the Indians: the first at Kaunaumeek in the county of Albany: the second at the Forks of Delaware in Pensylvania; and now this at Crosweeksung in New-Jersey.
December 12. I preached from the parable of the ten virgins, Matthew xxv. The divine power seemed to attend this discourse, in which I was favoured with _uncommon_ plainness of address, and enabled to open divine truths, in a ♦manner _beyond myself_.――There appeared in many an affectionate concern for their souls: and it was refreshing to see them melted into tears; some with _sense_ of divine love, and some for _want_ of it.
♦ “maner” replaced with “manner”
Lord’s-day, December 15. I preached to the Indians from Luke xiii. 24, 28. Divine truths fell with weight upon the audience. Near night I discoursed to them again from Matthew xxv. 31. to 46. At which season also, the word appeared to be accompanied with divine influence, and made powerful impressions upon the assembly in general, as well as upon divers persons in a very particular manner. This was an amazing season of grace! “The word of the Lord,” “was quick and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword.” The assembly was _deeply_ wrought upon; and the impressions made by the word of God appeared solid and rational, worthy of the solemn truths by means of which they were produced.
O how did the hearts of the hearers seem to bow under the weight of divine truths! And how evident did it now appear that they _received_ and _felt_ them, “not as the word of man, but as the word of God!”
*December 16. There was much affection and concern in the assembly; especially one woman appeared in great distress. She was brought to such an _agony_ in seeking after Christ, that the sweat ran off her face for a considerable time, although the evening was very cold; and her bitter cries were the most affecting indication of the _inward_ anguish of her heart.
Saturday, December 21. My people having now attained to a considerable degree of knowledge in the principles of Christianity, I thought it proper to set up a _catechetical lecture_; and this evening attempted something in _that form_; proposing questions to them, receiving their answers, and then explaining and insisting as appeared proper upon each question. After which I endeavoured to make some practical improvement of the whole.――They were able readily and _rationally_ to answer many important questions: so that I found their knowledge to exceed my expectations.――In the improvement of my discourse, when I came to open the blessedness of those who have so great and glorious a God, as had been spoken of, “for their everlasting friend and portion,” sundry were much affected: and especially when I exhorted them “to be reconciled to God,” through his dear Son, and _thus_ to secure an interest in his everlasting favour.
*Lord’s-day, December 22. After my labours with the Indians, I spent some time in writing; and was much wearied with the labours of the day. I am conscious to myself that my labours are as great and constant as my nature will bear, and that ordinarily I go to the extent of my strength; so that I do all I can; but the misery is, I do not labour with that _heavenly_ temper, that single eye to the _glory_ of God, that I long for.
There were sundry persons of the Indians newly come here, who had frequently lived among the Quakers; and being more civilized than the generality of the Indians, they had imbibed some of the Quakers errors, especially this, that if men would but live according to the dictates of their own consciences, (or the _light within_,) there is no doubt of their salvation.――――These persons I found much worse to deal with than those who are wholly under Pagan darkness, who make no _pretences_ to knowledge in Christianity, nor have any _self-righteous_ foundation to stand upon. However, they all, except one, appeared now convinced, that this was not sufficient to salvation; since Christ himself had declared it so in the case of the young man. And seemed in some measure concerned to obtain that change of heart which I had been labouring to shew them the necessity of.
This was likewise a season of _comfort_ to some souls, and in particular to one who never before obtained any settled comfort.
When I came to enquire of her, how she got relief from the distresses she had lately been under, she answered in broken English,¹ “Me try, me try, save myself, last my strength be all gone, (meaning her ability to save herself,) could not me stir bit further. Den last me forced let Jesus Christ alone, send me hell if he please.” I said, But you was not willing to go to hell, was you? She replied,² “Could not me help it. My heart he would wicked for all. Could not me make him good:” I asked her, How she got out of this case? She answered still in the same broken language,³ “By by my heart be grad desperately.” I asked her why her heart was glad? She replied, “Grad my heart Jesus Christ do what he please with me. Den me tink, grad my heart Jesus Christ send me hell. Did not me care where he put me, me love him for all.”
¹ In proper English thus, “I tried and tried to save myself, till at last my strength was all gone, and I could not stir any further. Then at last I was forced to let Jesus Christ alone to send me to hell if he pleased.”
² In plain English thus, “I could not help it. My heart would be wicked for all I could do, I could not make it good.”
³ “By and by my heart was exceeding glad that Jesus Christ would do with me what he pleased. Then I thought my heart would be glad although Christ should send me to hell. I did not care where he put me, I should love him for all: _i. e._ do what he would with me.”
*And she could not readily be convinced, but that she was willing to go to hell, if Christ was pleased to send her there. Though the truth evidently was, her will was so swallowed up in the divine will, that she could not frame any hell in her imagination that would be dreadful, provided it was the will of God to send her to it.
December 25. The Indians having been used upon Christmas-days to drink and revel among the _white_ people, I thought proper to call them together, and discourse to them upon divine things: which I accordingly did from the parable of the barren figtree, Luke xiii. 6‒9. The power of God appeared in the assembly, by awakening several stupid creatures, that were scarce ever moved before. And the impressions made upon the assembly in general, seemed not _superficial_, but _deep_ and heart-affecting. O how ready did they appear to comply with every thing they were convinced was their duty! God was in the midst of us of a truth, bowing and melting stubborn hearts! How many tears and sobs were then to be seen and heard among us! What liveliness and strict attention! What eagerness and intenseness of mind! They seemed to watch and wait for the dropping of God’s word, as the thirsty earth for the “former and latter rain.”
December 26. This evening I was visited by a person under great spiritual exercise. She was a woman of more than _four-score_ years old, and appeared to be much broken and very _childish_ through age, so that it seemed impossible for man to instil into her mind any _notions_ of divine things.――She was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in extreme anguish. I asked her, what ailed her? She answered, “That her heart was distressed, and she feared she should never find Christ.” I asked her, when she began to be concerned? She answered to this effect, That she had heard me preach many times, but never “felt it in her heart” till the last sabbath; and then it came, she said, “all one as if a needle had been ♦thrust into her heart;” since which time she had no rest day or night. She added, that on the evening before Christmas, a number of Indians being together at the house where she was, and discoursing about _Christ_, their talk _pricked her heart_, so that she could not sit up, but fell down on her bed; at which time _she went away_, (as she expressed it) and felt as if she dreamed, and yet is confident she did not dream. When she was thus gone, she saw, she says, two paths, one appeared very broad and crooked; and that turned to the left hand. The other appeared strait and very narrow; and that went up the hill to the right hand. She travelled, she said, for some time up the narrow right-hand path, till at length something seemed to obstruct her journey. She sometimes called it darkness, and sometimes compared it to a block or bar. She then remembered, she says, what she had heard me say about “striving to enter in at the strait gate,” (although she took little notice of it at that time) and thought she would climb over this bar. But just as she was thinking of this, she came back again, as she termed it, meaning that she came to herself; whereupon her soul was extremely distressed, apprehending she had now turned back and forsaken Christ, and that there was therefore no hope of mercy for her.
♦ “thurst” replaced with “thrust”
I then proposed to her the provision made in the gospel for the salvation of sinners, and the ability and willingness of Christ “to save to the uttermost all” (old as well as young) “that come to him.” To which she seemed to give a hearty assent. But instantly replied, “Ay, but I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come to Christ, I do not know how to come.” And this she spoke in anguish of spirit, striking her breast, with tears in her eyes; and with such earnestness in her looks as was indeed affecting.
She seems to be really convinced of her sin and misery, and her need of a change of heart: and her concern is abiding and constant. So that nothing appears but that this exercise may have a saving issue. And indeed there is ground to hope for it, seeing she is solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ, that her heart, (as she expresses it) prays day and night.
December 28. I discoursed to my people in the catechetical method I lately entered upon. And in the improvement of my discourse, wherein I was comparing man’s _present_ with his _primitive_ state; and pressing sinners to take a view of their deplorable circumstances without Christ; as also to strive that they may obtain an interest in him; the Lord granted a remarkable influence of his blessed Spirit, and there was a great concern in the assembly: many were melted into tears, and the impressions made upon them seemed _deep_ and heart affecting. And in particular, there were two or three persons who appeared to be reduced almost to extremity; being convinced of the impossibility of helping themselves, or mending their own hearts; and upon the _point_ of giving up all hope _in themselves_, and venturing upon Christ as naked, helpless and undone.
Lord’s-day. December 29. I preached from John iii. 1‒5. a number of white people were present, as is usual upon the sabbath. The discourse seemed to have a _silent_, but _deep_ and _piercing_ influence upon the audience. Many wept and sobbed affectionately. And there were some tears among the white people, as well as the Indians. Some could not refrain from crying _out_. But ♦the impressions made upon their hearts, appeared chiefly by the extraordinary earnestness of their attention, and their heavy sighs and tears.
♦ “th” replaced with “the”
*After public worship was over, I went to my house, proposing to preach again after a short intermission. But they soon came in, one after another, with tears in their eyes, to know “what they should do to be saved.” And the divine Spirit in such a manner, set home upon their hearts what I spoke to them, that the house was soon filled with cries and groans.――――They all flocked together upon this occasion, and those whom I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost universally seized with concern for their souls.
It was an amazing season of _power_ among them, and seemed as if God had “bowed the heavens and come down.” So astonishingly prevalent was the operation upon old as well as young, that it seemed as if God was about to convert _all the world_. And I was ready to think _then_, that I should never again despair of the conversion of any man or woman living.
*It is impossible to give a just description of the ♦appearance of things at this season. A number were rejoicing that God had not taken away the influence of his blessed Spirit.――――Refreshed to see so many “striving to enter in at the strait gate;”――and animated with such concern for them that they wanted “to push them forward,” as some of them expressed it.――At the same time numbers both of men and women, old and young, might be seen in tears, and some in anguish of spirit appearing in their very countenances, like condemned malefactors going towards the place of execution: so that there seemed a lively emblem of the solemn day of accounts; a mixture of heaven and hell; of joy unspeakable, and anguish inexpressible.
♦ “appearence” replaced with “appearance”
*The concern was such, that I could not pretend to have any formal religious exercise among them: but spent the time in discoursing to one and another, sometimes all together, and concluded with prayer. _Such_ were their circumstances, that I could scare have _half an hour_’s rest from speaking from about half an hour before twelve o’clock, (at which time I began public worship) till past _seven_ at night.
December 30. I was visited by four or five young persons under concern for their souls, most of whom were very lately awakened. They wept much while I discoursed to them and endeavoured to press upon them the necessity of _flying_ to Christ without delay, for salvation.
December 31. I spent some hours this day in visiting my people from house to house: and scarce left a house, without leaving some or other of its inhabitants in tears, solicitously engaged to obtain an interest in Christ.
The Indians are now gathered together from all quarters to this place, and have built them little cottages, so that more than _twenty_ families live within a quarter of a mile of me, a very convenient situation in regard both of public and private instruction.
Wednesday, January 1, 1745‒6. I am this day beginning a _New-Year_; and God has carried me through numerous trials and labours in the ♦year past. He has amazingly supported my feeble frame; for “having obtained help of God, I continue to this day.” O that I might live nearer to God, this year than I did last! The business that I have been enabled to go through, I know, has been as great as nature is able to bear up under, and what would have sunk me quite, without special support. But alas! though I have done the labours and endured the trials, with what spirit I have done the one, and borne the other? How cold has my heart often been! and how little have I eyed the glory of God! I have found, that I could have no peace without filling up all my time with labours; and thus “necessity has been laid upon me;” yea, in that respect, I have loved to labour; but I could not sensibly labour for _God_, as I would have done. May I for the future be enabled more sensibly to make the glory of God my _all_.
♦ “day” replaced with “year” per Errata
January 2. I visited some persons newly come among us, who had scarce ever heard any thing of Christianity (but the name). I endeavoured to instruct them in the first principles of religion in the most easy and familiar manner I could.
There are strangers from remote parts almost continually dropping in, so that I have occasion repeatedly to open and inculcate the _first principles_ of Christianity.
Near night I proposed to have proceeded in my usual method of catechising. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, the power of God came upon the assembly in so remarkable a manner, that I thought it more expedient to insist upon the plentiful provision made for the redemption of perishing sinners, and to press them to a _speedy_ acceptance of the _great salvation_, than to ask them questions about _doctrinal_ points.
I baptized two persons this day; one adult and one child.
The woman has discovered an heavenly frame of mind, from her first reception of comfort. One morning in particular she came to see me, discovering an unusual joy in her countenance; and when I inquired the reason of it, she replied, “That God had made her feel that it was _right_ for him to do as he pleased with all things? She moreover inquired, whether I was not sent to preach to the Indians by some good people a great way off.” I replied, Yes, by the good people in Scotland. She answered, “that her heart loved those good people so, the evening before, that she could scarce help praying for them all night, her heart would go to God for them.”
*Wednesday, January 8. My heart was drawn out after God: my soul was refreshed and quickened; I had great hopes of the ingathering of precious souls to Christ; not only among my own people, but others also. I was sweetly resigned under my bodily weakness; willing to live or die, and desirous to labour for God to the utmost of my strength.
Friday, January 10. My soul was in a calm, composed frame, and my heart filled with love to all the world; and Christian simplicity and tenderness seemed to prevail and reign with me. Near night, I visited a serious baptist minister, and had some agreeable conversation with him.
January 13. I was visited by divers persons under deep concern; one of whom was newly awakened.――It is a most agreeable work to treat with souls who are solicitously inquiring, “what they shall do to be saved?” And as we are never to “be weary in well-doing,” so the obligation is peculiarly strong when the work is so lively. And yet my health is so much impaired, and my spirit so wasted with my labours, and solitary manner of living, (there being no human creature in the house with me.) that their repeated and almost incessant application to me for help and direction, are sometimes exceeding burdensome. And what contributes much towards this difficulty is, that I am obliged to spend _much_ time communicating a _little_ matter to them; there being often many things necessary to be premised, before I can speak directly to what I principally aim at; which things would readily be taken for granted, where there was a competency of knowledge.
Lord’s-day, January 19. I catechised in my ordinary method. Numbers were much affected.――Convictions powerfully revived.――Divers of the Christians refreshed and strengthened.――And one weary _heavy laden_ soul, I have reason to hope, was brought to solid comfort in Christ.
*He told me, he had often heard me say, that persons must _see_ and _feel_ themselves helpless and _undone_; that they must give up all hope of saving themselves by their _own doings_, in order to their coming to Christ for salvation. And he had long been striving after this; supposing this would be an excellent frame of mind: that God would have respect to _this_ frame, and bestow eternal life upon him.――――But when he came to feel himself in this helpless _undone_ condition, he found it quite contrary to all his thoughts: so that it was not the _same_, nor indeed any thing _like_ the frame he had been seeking after. Instead of its being a _good_ frame of mind, he now found nothing but _badness_ in himself, and saw it for ever impossible for him to make himself any better. He was amazed he had never _before_ seen that it was utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavours, to do any thing _that way_.――――Instead of imagining that God would be pleased with him for the sake of this frame of mind, he saw clearly it would be just with God to send him to eternal misery; and that there was _no goodness_ in what he then felt; for he could not help seeing, that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God’s love or pity.
In _this_ frame of mind he came to public worship this evening, and while I was inviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, without _any_ goodness of _their own_ to recommend them to his acceptance; he thought, that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ, and he used to hope, that some time or other he should be _able_ to do so. But now he was convinced _he could not_, and it seemed utterly vain for him ever to try _any more_: nor did he now hope for a better opportunity hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw, and was fully ♦convinced, his own strength would for ever fail.
♦ “conviced” replaced with “convinced”
*While he was musing in this manner, he saw, he said, with his heart (which is a common phrase among them) something that was unspeakably good and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and “this stole away his heart whether he would or no.” He did not, he said, know what it was he saw. He did not say, “this is Jesus Christ;” but it was such glory and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heart _so_ as he had formerly attempted to do, but it _went away of itself_ after that glory he then discovered. He used to try to make a bargain with Christ, to give up his heart to him, that he might have eternal life _for it_. But now he thought nothing about himself, but his mind was wholly taken up with the unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld.
After some time he was wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ: so that it seemed unspeakably better to be saved altogether by the _mere free grace_ of God in Christ, than to have _any hand_ in saving himself.――――And the consequence is, that he appears to retain a relish of divine things, and to maintain a life of true religion.
Lord’s-day, January 26. After public worship, I was in a sweet and solemn frame of mind, thankful to God that he had made me in some measure faithful in addressing precious souls, but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my work; and tenderly affected towards all the world, longing that every sinner might be saved; and could not have entertained any bitterness towards the worst enemy living. In the evening, I rode to Elisabeth-Town: while riding I was almost constantly engaged in lifting up my heart to God, lest I should lose that sweet heavenly solemnity and composure of soul I enjoyed. Afterwards I was pleased, to think, that God _reigneth_; and thought, I could never be uneasy with any of his dispensations; but must be entirely satisfied, whatever trials he should cause me or his church to encounter. I never felt more divine serenity and composure of mind: I could freely have left the dearest earthly friend, for the society of “angels, and spirits of just men made perfect:” my affections soared aloft to the blessed Author of every dear enjoyment: I viewed the emptiness and unsatisfactory nature of the most desireable earthly objects, any further than God is seen in them: and longed for a life of spirituality and inward purity; without which, I saw, there could be no true pleasure.
January 28. The Indians in these parts having in times past run themselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some having taken the advantage of them, and arrested sundry of them; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands might speedily be taken from them: I being sensible that they could not subsist together in these parts, if these lands should drop out of their hands, thought it my duly to use my utmost endeavours to prevent it. And having acquainted the gentlemen concerned in this _mission_ with the affair, they thought it proper to expend the money they had been collecting for the _religious_ interests of the Indians, (at least a part of it,) for the discharging of their debts, and securing of these lands.――And having received orders from them, I answered, in behalf of the Indians, _Eighty-two pounds five shillings_, New-Jersey currency.
January 31. This day the person I had engaged for a _school-master_ among the Indians, arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by my people.――――Whereupon I distributed several dozen of _primers_ among the children and young people.
February 1, 1745‒6. My school-master entered upon his business among the Indians.――He has generally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the day-time, and about _fifteen_ married people in his evening-school. The number of the latter sort of persons being less than it would be, if they could be more constant at home.
In the evening I catechised in my usual method. Towards the close of my discourse, a surprising power seemed to attend the word. One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, that was awakened some months before, was now brought to great extremity, so that he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself.――Divers others appeared under great concern as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a saving change.
[Monday, February 10. He set out on a journey to the Forks of Delaware, to visit the Indians there. He performed the journey under great weakness, and sometimes was exercised with much pain. He arrived at his own house at the Forks, on Friday.]
I baptized three persons, two adults, and one child. There was a considerable melting in the assembly, while I was administering the ordinance.
God has been pleased to own and bless the administration of _this_, as well as of his other _ordinances_, among the Indians. There are some here that have been powerfully awakened at seeing others baptized: And some have obtained relief and comfort, just when this ordinance has been administered.
Toward night I catechised, God made this a powerful season. There were many affected.――――Former convictions were powerfully revived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard, remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and continued so to do till near midnight.――――There was also a poor _heavy laden_ soul, who had been long under distress, that was now brought to a comfortable _calm_, and told me, “She now saw and felt it was right God should do with her as he pleased.” And added, that the _heavy burden_ she had lain under, was now removed: that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ did not _do all_ for her. But Christ could save her, though she could _do nothing_ to save herself.
Lord’s-day, February 16. Knowing that divers of the Indians in those parts were obstinately set against Christianity, I thought it proper to have some of my people from Crosweeksung with me, in order to converse with them; hoping it might convince them of the truth, to hear some of their own nation discoursing of divine things and manifesting earnest desires that others might be brought out of Heathenish darkness, as themselves were.
And having taken _half a dozen_ of the most knowing persons, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place, (sundry of whom could not have been prevailed upon to attend the meeting, had it not been for these Indians) and preached to them.――Some of them who had, in times past, been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly; the word of God fell with such weight, that several seemed to be stunned, and expressed a willingness to “hear me again of these matters.”
Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these parts, (some having removed from hence to Crosweeksung) seemed glad to see me again, although they had been so much attacked by some of the Pagans, that they were almost afraid to manifest their friendship.
In the evening I was in a composed frame of mind. It was exceeding refreshing to think, that God had been with me, affording me some good measure of assistance. I found freedom in prayer and thanksgiving to God: and found my soul sweetly enlarged in prayer. Blessed be the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any thing for his kingdom. Blessed be God who enables me to be faithful, I enjoyed more resolution for God, and more refreshment of spirit, than I have been favoured with for many weeks past.
February 17. I discoursed from Acts viii. 5‒8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Sundry of the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested a concern by their earnest attention, tears and sobs. My people from Crosweeksung continued with them day and night, inculcating the truths I had taught them: and sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each other, in their hearing of the great things God had done for _them_, and for the Indians from whence they came; which seemed to take more effect upon them, than when they directed their discourses immediately to them.
February 18. I preached to an assembly of Irish people near fifteen miles distant from the Indians.
February 19. I preached to the Indians again, after having spent a considerable time in conversing with them privately. There appeared a great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who came with me.――――Divers of the Indians here seemed to have their prejudices removed, and appeared well disposed to hear the word of God.
February 20. I preached to a small assembly of High-Dutch people, who had seldom heard the gospel preached, and were, (some of them at least) very ignorant; but have divers of them lately been put upon an inquiry after the way of salvation. They gave wonderful attention, and some of them were much affected, and afterwards said, (as I was informed) that they never had been so much enlightened about the way of salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to tarry with them, or come again and preach to them. And it grieved me that I could not comply with their request, for I could not but be affected with their circumstances; they being as “sheep not having a shepherd.”
February 21. I preached to a number of people, many of them Low-Dutch, sundry of the High-Dutch attended, though _eight_ or _ten_ miles distant from their houses.――Divers of the Indians also belonging to these parts, came of their own accord with my people (from Crosweeksung) two in particular, who in the last Sabbath, opposed and ridiculed Christianity.
February 20. I preached to the Indians. They seemed more cordial to Christianity than before, and some appeared much affected.
My spirits were supported, though my bodily strength was much wasted. O that God would be gracious to the souls of these poor Indians!
God has been very gracious to me this week: he has enabled me to preach every day; and has given me some assistance, and encouraging prospect of success in almost every sermon. Blessed be his name. Divers of the white people have been awakened this week; sundry of the Indians much cured of prejudice against Christianity, and some seemed to be really awakened.
[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, to return to Crosweeksung; and spent the whole week till Saturday, before he arrived there; but preached by the way every day, excepting one; and had much inward comfort, and earnest longings to fill up all his time with the service of God.]
Lord’s-day, March 2. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Delaware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks, who had promised me a speedy visit. They can scarce go into a house now, but they will meet with Christian conversation, whereby they may be both instructed and awakened.
I know of no assembly of Christians, where there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly love so much prevails, as in my _own congregation_: although not more than nine months ago, they were worshipping _devils_ and _dumb idols_, under the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing change! Effected by nothing less than divine power and grace!
Their present situation is so compact and commodious, that they are quickly called together with only the sound of a Conk-shell, (a shell like that of a Perriwinkle) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending religious exercises publicly; which seems to be a great means, under God, of keeping alive their impressions of divine things.
*Thursday, March 6. I walked alone in the evening, and enjoyed comfort in prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed: my soul rejoiced in my _pilgrimage-state_. I was delighted with the thought of labouring and _enduring hardness_ for God: and confided in God that he “never would leave me nor forsake me,” to the end of my race. Oh, may I obtain mercy of God to be faithful, to my dying moment!
March 8. I catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions proposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion increases daily.――――And what is still more desirable, the divine influence among them, appears still to continue. The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly this evening. Some, who are Christians _indeed_, were melted with a sense of the divine goodness, and their own barrenness and ingratitude.――Convictions also appeared to revive in several; so it might justly be called “an evening of power.”
Lord’s day, March 9. I preached from Luke x. 38‒42. The word of God was attended with energy. Numbers were concerned to obtain the _one thing needful_. Several that have given good evidences of being truly converted, were much affected with a sense of their want of spirituality; and saw the need they stood in of _growing in grace_. And most that had had any impressions of divine things in times past, now felt those impressions revived.
In the afternoon, I proposed to have catechised in my usual method. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, in the Indian language, (as usual) a great part of the assembly was so much moved, that I thought it proper to omit the questions, and insist upon the most practical truths.
There appeared to be a powerful influence in the congregation. Those truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their own _barrenness_, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that they _looked on him as pierced_ by themselves, _and mourned_, yea, some of them were _in bitterness as for a first-born_.――Some poor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain an interest in Christ. So that there was _a great mourning_ in the assembly: many heavy groans and tears! and one or two persons newly come among us, were considerably awakened.
After public worship many came to my house, where we sung and discoursed; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the midst of us.
*While we were singing, there was one (the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9.) who, was “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears, crying sometimes in English, and sometimes in Indian “O blessed Lord, do come, do come! O do take me away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again! O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world! do take my soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more!”――In this ecstasy she continued some time, uttering these and such like expressions incessantly.
*When she had a little recovered, I asked her, if Christ was now sweet to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she said, “I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O! I knew nothing what you meant, I never believed you! I never believed you! But now I know it is true!”――I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners? She replied, “O! enough, enough! for all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.” And when I asked her, if the could not tell them of the goodness of Christ: turning herself about to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much affected, she said, “O! there is enough in Christ for you, if you would but come! O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!”――And upon hearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, she again fell into the same ecstasy, repeating her former expressions, “O dear Lord, do let me go! O what shall I do, what shall I do! I want to go to Christ! I cannot live! O do let me die!”
She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she was well able to get home.
I am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.
Of all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed under convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than she had.
And as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction, so she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she obtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit of a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear of _hell_ as before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying _portion_: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love him.――When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, “No, I be not distressed about _that_; but my heart is so wicked I _cannot love_ Christ;” and thereupon burst out into tears.――But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never had any remarkable comfort till this evening.
The _attendants_ of this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered that it was truly “joy in the Holy Ghost.”――――_Now_ she viewed divine truths as _living realities_; and could say, “I know these things are so, I feel they are true!”――_Now_ her soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.”――_Now_ she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.――_Now_ she could freely trust her _all_ with God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “God will take care of it. It belongs to him.”――_Now_ she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an appearance of _ecstasy_ and _humility_ meeting in any one person.
The consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation.
March 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there was much affection among them. Some appeared to be melted with divine things, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.
I baptized the _woman_ mentioned in my journal of last Lord’s-day; who appeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.
My house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time with them, till my nature was almost spent.――They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting after _Christian knowledge_, that I can sometimes scarce avoid labouring so, as greatly to exhaust my strength.
March 19. Some of the persons that went with me to the Forks of Delaware, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, returned home this day. Whereupon my people met together of their own accord, to give thanks to God for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him that had been sick.
Lord’s-day, March 23. There being about fifteen _strangers_, adult persons, come among us in the _week_ past, divers of whom had never been in any religious meeting till now, I thought it proper to discourse this day in a manner suited to their circumstances, and accordingly attempted it from Hosea xiii. 9, opening in the plainest manner I could, man’s apostacy and ruined ♦state. After having spoken some things respecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of man in a state of uprightness and happiness, in the ♠afternoon, I endeavoured to open the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate creatures.
♦ “state, after” replaced with “state. After” per Errata
♠ “afternon” replaced with “afternoon”
Near sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for the poor _strangers_: I visited sundry houses, and discoursed with them severally, but without much appearance of success, till I came to a house where divers of the strangers were; and there the word took effect, first upon some children; then upon divers adult persons that had been somewhat awakened before, and afterwards upon several of the Pagan _strangers_.
I continued my discourse till almost every one in the house was melted into tears; and divers wept aloud, and appeared earnestly concerned to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers soon gathered from all the houses round about and so thronged the place, that we were obliged to remove to the house where we meet for public worship. And the congregation gathering immediately and many appearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from Luke xix. 10, endeavouring to open the mercy of Christ for _lost_, _helpless_, and _undone_ sinners.
There was much concern in the assembly; and I doubt not but a divine influence accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There were five or six of the _strangers_ (men and women) who appeared to be considerably awakened. And in particular one very rugged young man, who seemed as if nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor, and weep for a long time.
The Pagans that were awakened seemed at once to put off their savage roughness, and became sociable and _humane_. When they first came, I exhorted my people to take pains with them (as they had done with other strangers from time to time) to instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempted it, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to other houses. Whereupon some of the serious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the several parts of the settlement. So that wherever the _strangers_ went, they met with warm addresses respecting their souls.――――But _now_ there was no need of using policy in order to get an opportunity of conversing: for they were so touched with a sense of their perishing state, as tamely to yield to the closest addresses, respecting their sin and misery, and their need of an acquaintance with the great Redeemer.
Monday, March 24. I numbered the Indians, to see how many souls God had gathered together here, since my coming; and found there was now about an _hundred and thirty_ persons, old and young. And sundry of those that are my stated hearers, perhaps _fifteen_ or _twenty_, were absent at this season. Whereas _few_ were together at my first coming into these parts, the whole number not amounting to _ten_ persons.
My people going out this day to clear some of their lands about fifteen miles distant, in order to their settling there together, where they might attend the public worship of God, have their children schooled, and at the same time have a conveniency for planting: I thought it proper to call them together and shew them the duty of labouring with faithfulness and industry; and that they must not now “be slothful in business,” as they had ever been in their Pagan state. And having given them directions for their work, and recommended them to God, I dismissed them to their business. In the evening I read and expounded the substance of the third chapter of the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word.――――When I asked them afterwards, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked? One replied, “Yes, she felt it now.” Although before she came here she had said, “Her heart was not wicked, and she never had done any thing that was bad in her life.” And this indeed seems to be the case with them, universally in the Pagan state. (And in the Christian too!)
They seem to have no _consciousness_ of sin and guilt, unless they can charge themselves with some _gross acts_ of sin.
Monday, March 24. After the Indians were gone to their work, I got alone and poured out my soul to God, that he would smile upon these feeble beginners, and that he would settle an Indian town, that might be a _mountain of holiness_; and found my soul much refreshed, and much enlarged for Zion’s interest, and for numbers of dear friends in particular. My sinking spirits were revived, and I felt animated in the service God has called me to. This was the dearest hour I have enjoyed for many days, if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that something would be done for God, and that God would use and help me in his work. And Oh how sweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, when I had any hope that ever I should succeed.
[The next day, his _school-master_ was taken sick with a pleurisy; and he spent great part of this week in tending him: which in his weak state was almost too much for him: he being obliged constantly to wait upon him, all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night.]
March 29. In the evening I catechised as usual. Treating upon the “benefits which believers receive from Christ’s death.”――――The questions were answered with great readiness and propriety. And the people of God, were sweetly melted in general. There appeared such a liveliness and vigour in their attendance upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made partakers of the _benefits_ then mentioned, that they seemed to be not only “looking for, but hastening to the coming of the day of God.” Divine truths seemed to distil upon the audience with a gentle, but melting efficacy, as the refreshing “showers upon the new mown grass.” The assembly in general, as well as those who appear truly religious, were affected with an account of the blessedness of the godly at death: and most then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry, “Let me die the death of the righteous.”
March 31. I called my people together again, and discoursed to them again on the necessity of their labouring industriously, in order to their living together, and enjoying the means of grace. And having used solemn prayer among them, I dismissed them to their work.
Numbers of them both (men and women) offered themselves willingly to this service; and some appeared affectionately concerned that God might go with them, and begin their _little town_ for them: that it might be a place comfortable for them and theirs, in regard both of procuring the necessaries of life, and attending the worship of God.
Wednesday, April 2. I was exercised with a spiritless frame of mind. Alas! My days pass away as the _chaff_! It is but little I do, or can do, that turns to any account; and it is my constant burden that I am so fruitless in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I were _spirit_, that I might be active for God. This more than any thing else, makes me long, that “this corruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put on immortality.” God deliver me from the clogs and fetters, and a body of _death_, that impede my service for him.
Saturday, April 5.――After public worship, a number of my dear Christian Indians came to my house; with whom I felt a sweet union of soul; my heart was knit to them; I have not felt such a sweet and fervent _love to the brethren_, for some time past: and I saw in them appearances of the same love. This gave me something of a view of the heavenly state; and particularly that part of the happiness of heaven, which consists in the _communion of saints_.
Lord’s-day, April 6. I preached from Matthew vii. 21‒23. There were considerable effects visible in the audience; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears and sighs. Divers were put upon close examination of their spiritual slates, by hearing that “not every one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.” And some of them expressed fears least they had deceived themselves, and taken up a false hope, because they had done so little of the “will of his Father who is in heaven.”
There was also one man brought under pressing concern for his soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from public worship. And that which, he says, gave him the greatest uneasiness, was, not so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of God at _all_, and so had no claim to the kingdom of heaven.
In the afternoon I opened to them the _discipline_ of Christ in his church, and the method in which _offenders_ are to be dealt with. At this the religious people were much affected, especially when they heard, that the offender continuing obstinate, must be esteemed “as an Heathen man, that has no part or lot among God’s visible people.” _This_ they seemed to have the most awful apprehensions of; a state of Heathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.
After, public worship I visited sundry houses to see how they spent the remainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them on the great concerns of their souls; and the Lord seemed to smile upon my endeavours, and to make these particular addresses more effectual than my public discourses.
April 7. I endeavoured to open the institution, nature, and ends of the Lord’s supper, as well as the qualifications necessary to the right participation of it. Sundry persons seemed much affected with the love of Christ in this provision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.
[On Tuesday, he went to a meeting of the Presbytery appointed at Elisabeth’s-Town. In his way thither, he enjoyed some sweet meditations; but after he came there, he was (as he expresses it) _under an awful gloom_, that oppressed his mind. And this continued till Saturday evening. He spent the sabbath at Staten island; where he preached to an assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable refreshment. In the evening he returned to Elisabeth’s-Town.]
Monday, April 14. My spirits were refreshed, and my mind composed, so that I was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the day. In the evening my head was clear, my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in secret prayer and meditation. Oh, how free, how comfortable, chearful, and yet solemn, do I feel when I am in a good measure freed from those damps and melancholy glooms, that I often labour under!
*Tuesday, April 15. My soul longed for more spirituality: and it was my burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my barrenness is my daily affliction! Oh, how precious is time: and how it pains me to see it slide away, while I do so very little to any good purpose! Oh that God would make me more fruitful and spiritual!
Thursday, April 17. I enjoyed some comfort in prayer, some freedom in meditation, and composure in my studies. In the evening I preached from Psalms lxxiii. 28. “But it is good for me to draw near to God.” God helped me to feel the truth of my text. I was enabled to pour out my soul to God with great freedom, fervency, and affection: and to speak with tenderness, and yet with faithfulness: and divine truths seemed to fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for the dear assembly, and I loved every body in it; my soul cried, “Oh that the dear creatures might be saved! O that God would have mercy on them!”
Lord’s-day, April 20.¹ I enjoyed some freedom, and exercise of faith and prayer, especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from gloomy discouragement; and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion’s prosperity, and the enlargement of the kingdom of the great Redeemer.
¹ This day he entered into the 29th year of his age.
Monday, April 21. I was composed and comfortable most of the day; had freedom in prayer, several times; especially for Zion’s enlargement and prosperity. And Oh, how refreshing were these hopes to my soul! Oh that the kingdom of the Lord might come.
Tuesday, April 22. My mind was remarkably free from melancholy damps, and animated in my work, I found such vigour and resolution in the service of God, that the _mountains_ seemed to become a _plain_ before me. Oh, blessed be God for an interval of refreshment, and fervent resolution in my Lord’s work! In the evening, my soul was refreshed in secret prayer, and my heart drawn out for divine blessings; especially for the church of God, for my own people, and for dear friends in remote places. Oh that Zion might prosper, and precious souls be brought home to God!
April 25. Having appointed the next Lord’s-day for the administration of the Lord’s supper, this day was set apart for solemn fasting and prayer, to implore the blessing of God upon our design; and to intreat that his presence might be with us in our approach to his table.
The solemnity was observed, not only by those who proposed to communicate, but by the whole congregation.――In the former part of the day, I endeavoured to open to my people the nature of a _fast_, and to instruct them in the duties of such a solemnity.――In the afternoon I insisted upon the special reasons there were for our now engaging in these solemn exercises; both in regard of the need we stood in of divine assistance, in order to a due preparation for the sacred ordinance; and in respect of the manifest decline of God’s work here, as to the conviction and conversion of sinners.
The worship of God was attended with great solemnity and reverence, with much tenderness and many tears, and there was some appearance of divine power upon those who had been awakened some time before.
After repeated prayer, I led them to a solemn renewal of their _baptismal covenant_, wherein they had explicitly given up themselves to God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, avouching him to be their God; and at the same time renouncing their heathenish vanities, and solemnly engaging to take the word of God for the _rule of their lives_, promising to walk together in love, to watch over themselves, and one another; to lead lives of seriousness and devotion, and to discharge the _relative_ duties incumbent upon them.
This solemn transaction was attended with much seriousness; and at the same time with the utmost readiness and chearfulness; and an union and harmony of soul seemed to crown the whole.
April 26. I catechised those that designed to partake of the Lord’s supper the next day, upon the institution, nature and end of that ordinance; and had abundant satisfaction respecting their knowledge. They likewise appeared, to have an affecting sense of the solemnity of the ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their own unworthiness; and earnestly concerned that they may be duly prepared for an attendance upon it. Their hearts were full of love one toward another, and this they seemed much concerned to maintain, and bring to the Lord’s table with them.
I administered the Lord’s supper to _twenty-three_ Indians, (the number of _men_ and _women_ being nearly equal,) divers others, to the number of five or six, being now absent at the Forks of Delaware.
The ordinance was attended with great solemnity, and with the utmost tenderness and affection. In the performance of the _sacramental_ actions, especially in the distribution of the _bread_, they seemed to be affected in a most lively manner, as if “Christ had been” really “crucified before them.” And the words of the institution, when repeated, seemed to be entertained with the _same full_ and _firm_ belief and affectionate engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus Christ himself had _personally_ spoken to them.
*Having rested some time after the administration of the _sacrament_, I walked from house to house, and conversed particularly with most of the _communicants_, and found they had been refreshed at the Lord’s table “as with new wine.” And never did I see such an appearance of _Christian love_ among any people. One might well have cried with an agreeable surprize, “Behold how they love one another!”
Toward night I discoursed on the immediate design of Christ’s death, “To redeem his people from all iniquity.”
This appeared to be a season of divine power. The religious were much refreshed, and seemed remarkably tender, full of love, joy, peace, and desires of being completely “redeemed from all iniquity.” Convictions also appeared to be revived in many instances; and divers persons were awakened whom I had never observed under any religious impressions before.
_Such_ was the influence which attended our assembly, that it seemed grievous to conclude the public worship. And the congregation when ♦dismissed, although it was then almost dark, appeared loth to leave the place.
♦ “dismised” replaced with “dismissed”
April 28. I concluded the solemnity with a discourse upon John xiv. 15. “If ye love me keep my commandments.” There appeared great tenderness in the audience in general, but especially in the _communicants_.――――O how free, how engaged and affectionate did _these_ appear in the service of God! They seemed willing to have their “ears bored to the door posts of God’s house,” and to be his servants for ever.
*Observing numbers in this excellent frame, I thought it proper to improve this advantageous season, as Hezekiah did his great _passover_, (2 Chronicles xxxi.) in order to promote the blessed reformation among them: and accordingly proposed to them that they should _renewedly_ enter into covenant before God, to watch over themselves and one another. And especially that they would watch against the sin of _drunkenness_.――They chearfully complied and explicitly joined in that covenant; whereupon I proceeded in the most solemn manner to call God to _witness_ their sacred engagement; minded them of the greatness of the guilt they would contract in the violation of it; and that God would be a terrible _witness_ against those who should presume to do so, in the “great and notable day of the Lord.”
*It was a season of amazing solemnity, and a _divine awe_ appeared upon the face of the whole assembly! Affectionate sighs, and tears, were frequent in the audience: and I doubt not but many silent cries were sent up to the _fountain_ of grace, for grace to fulfil these solemn engagements.
[On Tuesday he went to Elisabeth-Town, to the meeting of the Presbytery: and spent the time in a free and comfortable state of mind.]
Saturday, May 3. I rode from Elisabeth-Town home to my people, near Cranberry; whither they are removed, and where I hope God will settle them as a Christian congregation. I was refreshed in lifting up my heart to God, while riding; and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit.
May 4. My people being now removed to their _lands_; I this day visited them, and preached to them from Mark iv. 5. shewing the reason there was to fear, lest many hopeful beginnings, might prove abortive, like the “seed dropped upon stony places.”
May 5. I visited them again, and gave them directions relating to their business.
I daily discover more and more of what importance it is, that they become industrious, and able to raise the necessaries of life _within themselves_; for their present method of living greatly exposes them to temptations of various kinds.
*Wednesday, May 7. I spent most of the day in writing, and enjoyed freedom in my work. I was favoured with comfortable meditations, this day, and in the evening, was in a sweet composed frame of mind: pleased and delighted to leave all with God, respecting myself, for time and eternity, and respecting the people of my charge and dear friends: I had no doubt but that God would take care of me, and of his own interest among my people; and was enabled to use freedom in prayer, as a child with a tender father.
*Thursday, May 8. In the evening I enjoyed a tender melting frame in secret prayer, wherein my soul was drawn out for the interest of Zion, and comforted with the lively hope of the appearing of the kingdom of the great Redeemer. These were sweet moments: I felt loth to go to bed, and grieved that sleep was necessary. However, I lay down with a tender reverential fear of God, sensible that “his favour is life,” and his smiles, infinitely better than life itself.
May 9. I preached in the open wilderness; the Indians having as yet no house for public worship in this place, nor scarce any _shelter_ for themselves.――――Divine truths made considerable impressions, and it was a season of solemnity, tenderness, and affection.
I baptized this day, the ♦conjurer and murderer mentioned before, such a remarkable instance of divine grace, that I cannot omit some brief account of him.
♦ “conjuror” replaced with “conjurer”
He lived near, and sometimes attended me in the Forks of Delaware for more than a year together; but was extremely attached to strong drink, and seemed to be no ways reformed. In this time he likewise _murdered_ a young Indian, which threw him into a kind of _desperation_, so that he kept from me, and refused to hear me preach for several months, till I had an opportunity of conversing freely with him, and giving him encouragement, that even his sin might be forgiven for Christ’s sake.
But that which was the worst was his _conjuration_. He was one of them who are called _powwows_ among the Indians: and notwithstanding his attendance upon my preaching, still followed his old _charms_, “giving out that he himself was some great one, and to him they gave heed,” supposing him to be possessed of a _great power_. So that when I have instructed them respecting the _miracles_ wrought by Christ, and mentioned them as evidences of his _divine_ mission, they have quickly observed the wonders which this man performed by his _magic charms_; which seemed to be a fatal obstruction to their receiving the gospel. And I often thought, it would be a great favour to the Indians, if God would take that wretch out of the world: but God, “whose thoughts are not as man’s thoughts,” has been pleased to take a much more desirable method; a method agreeable to his own merciful nature, advantageous to his own interest among the Indians, as well as to the poor soul himself.
The first genuine concern for his soul was excited by seeing my interpreter and his wife baptized at the Forks of Delaware, July 21, 1745. Which so prevailed upon him that he followed me down to Crosweeksung in the beginning of August, and there continued for several weeks in the season of the most powerful awakening among the Indians; at which time he was more effectually awakened: and then, he says, upon his “feeling the spirit of God in his heart,” (as he expresses it) his spirit of conjuration left him entirely; that he has had no more power of that nature since, than any other man. And he declares that he does not so much as know how he used to _charm_ and conjure; and that he could not do any thing of that nature, if he was ever so desirous.
He continued under convictions all the fall, and former part of the winter past, but was not so deeply exercised till January; and then the word of God took such hold upon him, that he knew not what to do, or where to turn.――He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach from time to time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his heart, but did not bring him to so _great_ distress, because he still hoped he could do _something_ for his own relief: but now, he said, I drove him up into “such a sharp corner,” that he had no way to turn.
He continued under the heavy burden of a _wounded spirit_, till he was brought into the utmost _agony of soul_.
After this he was brought to a kind of calmness; he appeared perfectly sedate; although he had no sure hope of salvation.
*I observed him remarkably composed, and asked him how he did? He replied, “It is done, it is done, it is all done now.” I asked him what he meant? He answered, “I can never do any more to save myself; it is all done for ever, I can do no more.” I queried with him, whether he could not do a _little_ more rather than to go to hell. He replied, “My heart is dead, I can never help myself.” I asked him, what he thought would become of him then? He answered, “I must go to hell.” I asked him, if he thought it was right that God should send him to hell? He replied, “O it is right. The devil has been in me ever since I was born.” I asked him, if he felt this when he was in such great distress the evening before? He answered, “No, I did not think it was right. I thought God would send me to hell, and that I was then dropping into it; but my heart quarrelled with God, and would not say it was _right_ he should send me there. But now I know it is right, for I have always served the devil, and my heart has no goodness in it now, but it is as bad as ever it was,”――I scarce ever saw any person more effectually brought off from a dependence upon his own endeavours for salvation.
In this frame of mind he continued for several days, passing sentence of condemnation upon himself, and constantly owning, that it would be right he should be damned, and that he expected this would be his portion. And yet it was plain he had a secret hope of mercy, which kept him from pressing distress: so that instead of being sad and dejected, his very countenance appeared pleasant and agreeable.
*It was remarkable in this season that he seemed to have a great love to the people of God, and nothing ♦affected him so much as the thoughts of being separated from them. This seemed to be a very dreadful part of the hell he thought himself doomed to.――It was likewise remarkable, that in this season he was most diligent in the use of all means for his salvation; although he had the clearest view of the _insufficiency_ of means to afford him help.
♦ “effected” replaced with “affected” per Errata
*After he had continued in this frame of mind more than a _week_, while I was discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a lively view of the excellency of Christ, and the way of salvation by him, which melted him into tears, and filled him with admiration, comfort, and praise to God; since which he has appeared to be an humble, devout, and affectionate Christian; serious and exemplary in his conversation and behaviour, frequently complaining of his want of warmth, life, and activity, and yet frequently favoured with quickening influences. And in all respects he bears the marks of one “created anew in Christ Jesus.”
His zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me, when he was with me at the Forks of Delaware in February last. There being an old Indian who threatened to _bewitch_ me and my people who accompanied me; _this_ man challenged him to do his worst, telling him, that himself had been as great a _conjurer_ as he, and that notwithstanding as soon as he felt that word in his heart which these people loved, his power of conjuring immediately left him.――And so it would you, said he, if you did but once feel it in your heart; and you have no power to touch one of them.
Saturday, May 10. I rode to Allen’s-Town, to assist in the administration of the Lord’s supper. In the afternoon I preached from Titus ii. 14. God was pleased to carry me through with some freedom; and yet to deny me that enlargement I longed for. In the evening my soul mourned, that I had treated so excellent a subject in so defective a manner. And if my discourse had met with the utmost applause from all the world, it would not have given me any satisfaction: Oh, it grieved me to think, that I had had no more holy warmth, that I had been no more melted in discoursing of Christ’s death, and the design of it! Afterwards, I enjoyed freedom and fervency in secret and family prayer, and longed much for the presence of God to attend his word and ordinances the next day.
Lord’s-day, May 11. I assisted in the administration of the Lord’s supper; but enjoyed little enlargement. In the afternoon I went to the house of God weak and sick in soul, as well as feeble in body: and longed, that the people might be edified with divine truths, and that an honest fervent testimony might be borne for God; but knew not how it was possible for _me_ to do any thing of that kind, to any good purpose. Yet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleased to give me assistance, both in prayer and preaching: God helped me to wrestle for his presence in prayer, and to tell him, that he had promised, “Where two or three are met together in his name, there he would be in the midst of them;” and pleaded, that for his truth’s sake he would be with us. And blessed be God, it was sweet to my soul, thus to plead, and rely on God’s promises. I discoursed upon Luke ix. 30. “And behold there talked with him two men, which were Moses and Elias; who appeared in glory, and spake of his decease, which he should accomplish at Jerusalem.” I enjoyed special freedom, from the beginning to the end of my discourse. Things pertinent to the subject were abundantly presented to my view; and such a fullness of matter, that I scarce knew how to dismiss the various heads I had occasion to touch upon. And, blessed be the Lord, I was favoured with fervency and power, as well as freedom; so that the word of God seemed to awaken the attention of a stupid audience, to a considerable degree. I was inwardly refreshed with the consolations of God; and could with my whole heart say, “Though there be no fruit in the vine, &c. yet will I rejoice in the Lord.”
Friday, May 16. I enjoyed some agreeable conversation with a dear minister, which was blessed to my soul; my heart was warmed, and my soul engaged to live to God; so that I longed to exert myself with more vigour, than ever I had done in his cause; and those words were quickening to me, “Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bring forth much fruit.” Oh, my soul longed, and wished, and prayed, to be enabled to live to God with constancy and ardour! In the evening, God was pleased to shine upon me in secret prayer, and draw out my soul after himself: and I had freedom in supplication for myself, but much more in intercession for others: so that I was sweetly constrained to say, “Lord, use me as thou wilt; do as thou wilt with me: but Oh, promote thine own cause! Zion is thine; Oh visit thine heritage! Oh let thy kingdom come! Oh let thy blessed interest be advanced in the world!” When I attempted to look to God, respecting my settling in my congregation, which seems to be necessary, and yet contrary to my fixed intention for years past, as well as my disposition, which has been, and still is, to spend my life in preaching the gospel from place to place, and gathering souls _afar off_ to Jesus the great Redeemer; when I attempted to look to God with regard to these things, I could only say, “The will of the Lord be done: it is no matter for me.”
*The same frame of mind I felt with respect to another important affair I have lately had some serious thoughts of: I could say, with the utmost calmness and composure, “Lord, if it be most for thy glory, let me proceed in it: but if thou seest that it will in any wise hinder my usefulness in thy cause, Oh prevent my proceeding: for all I want, is such circumstances as may best capacitate me to do service for God in the world.” Oh, how sweet was this evening to my soul! I knew not how to go to bed; and when got to bed, longed for some way to employ time for God to some excellent purpose.
Saturday, May 17. I walked out in the morning, and felt much of the same frame I enjoyed the evening before: had my heart enlarged in praying for the advancement of the kingdom of Christ, and found the utmost freedom in leaving all my concerns with God.
*I find _discouragement_ to be an exceeding _hindrance_ to my spiritual fervency and affection: but when God enables me to find that I have done something for him, this animates me, so that I could break through all hardships, undergo any labours, and nothing seems too much either to do or suffer. But Oh, what a death it is, to strive, and strive; to be always in a _hurry_, and yet do _nothing_. Alas, alas, that time flies away, and I do so little for God!
Lord’s-day, May 18. I felt my own utter insufficiency for my work: God made me to see, that I was a child; yea, that I was a fool. I discoursed both parts of the day, from Revelation iii. 20. “Behold I stand at the door, and knock.” God gave me freedom and power in the latter part of my (forenoon’s) discourse, although in the former part of it, I felt peevish and provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the _white_ people, who crouded in between my people and me. But blessed be God I got those shackles off before the middle of my discourse, and was favoured with a sweet frame of spirit in the latter part of the exercise: was full of love, warmth, and tenderness, in addressing my dear people.――In the intermission-season I could not but discourse to my people on the kindness and patience of Christ in _standing_ and _knocking at the door_.――In the evening, I was grieved that I had done so little for God. Oh that I could be _a flame of fire_ in the service of my God!
♦*Thursday, May 22. In the evening I was in a frame somewhat remarkable: I had apprehended for several days, that it was a design of providence I should _settle_ among my people; and had in my own mind began to make provision for it: and yet was never quite pleased with the thoughts of being confined to one place. Nevertheless I seemed to have some freedom, because the congregation was one that God had enabled me to gather from among Pagans. For I never could feel any freedom to “enter into other men’s labour,” and settle where the “gospel was preached before;” God has never given me any liberty in that respect, either since or for some years before I began to preach. But God having succeeded my labours, in gathering a church among these Indians, I was ready to think, it might be his design to give me a quiet settlement. And this, considering the late frequent failure of my spirits, and the need I stood in of some agreeable society, and my great desire of enjoying conveniencies for profitable studies, was not altogether disagreeable to me. And although I still wanted to go about far and wide, in order to spread the blessed gospel among benighted souls: yet I never had been so willing to settle for more than five years past, as I was in the foregoing part of this week. But now these thoughts seemed to be wholly dashed to pieces; not by necessity, but of choice: for it appeared to me, that God’s dealings towards me had fitted me for a life of solitariness and hardship; it appeared to me I had nothing to do with earth, and consequently nothing to lose, by a total renunciation of it: and it appeared just right, that I should be destitute of house and home, and many comforts, which I rejoiced to see others of God’s people enjoy. The same time I saw so much the excellency of Christ’s kingdom, and the infinite desirableness of its advancement in the world, that it swallowed up all my other thoughts; and made me willing to be a pilgrim or hermit in the wilderness, to my dying moment, if I might thereby promote the blessed interest of the great Redeemer. And if ever my soul presented itself to God for his service, without any reserve of any kind, it did so now. The language of my thoughts (although I spake no words) now was, “_Here I am, Lord, send me_: send me to _the ends of the earth_; send me to the rough, the savage Pagans of the wilderness; send me from all that is called comfort in earth! send me even to death itself, if it be but in thy service, and to promote thy kingdom.” And at the same time I had as quick and lively a sense of the value of worldly comforts, as ever I had; but saw them infinitely overmatched by the worth of Christ’s kingdom, and the propagation of his blessed gospel. The quiet settlement, the certain place of abode, the tender friendship, which I thought I might be likely to enjoy, appeared as valuable to me, considered absolutely, as ever before: but considered comparatively, they appeared nothing; compared with an enlargement of Christ’s kingdom, they vanished like the stars before the rising sun. And the comfortable accommodations of life appeared valuable, yet I did surrender myself, soul and body, to the service of God, and promotion of Christ’s kingdom; though it should be in the loss of them all. I was constrained, and yet chose to say, “Farewell, friends and earthly comforts, the dearest of them all, if the Lord calls for it; adieu, adieu; I’ll spend my life to my latest moments, _in caves and dens of the earth_, if the kingdom of Christ may thereby be advanced.” I found extraordinary freedom at this time in pouring out my soul to God, for his cause; and especially that his kingdom might be extended among the Indians; and I had a strong hope that God would do it. I continued wrestling with God in prayer for my dear little flock here; and more especially for the Indians elsewhere; as well as for dear friends in one place and another; till it was bed-time, and I feared I should hinder the family. But Oh, with what reluctancy did I find myself obliged to consume time in sleep! I longed to be as a _flame of fire_, continually glowing in the divine service, preaching and building up Christ’s kingdom, to my latest, my dying moment.
♦ asterisk added per Errata
Friday, May 23. In the morning I was in the same frame of mind. The glory of Christ’s kingdom so much outshone the pleasure of earthly accommodations and enjoyments, that they appeared comparatively nothing. My soul was melted in secret, and I found myself ♦divorced from any part in this world so that in those affairs that seemed of the greatest importance, in the present life, and those wherein the tender powers of the mind are most sensibly touched, I could only say, “The will of the Lord be done.” Just the same that I felt the evening before, I now felt the same freedom in prayer for the people of my charge, for the propagation of the gospel among the Indians, for the enlargement of Zion in general, and my dear friends in particular; and longed to burn out in one continued flame for God. If ever I filled up a day with study and devotion, I was enabled to fill up this day.
♦ “devorced” replaced with “divorced”
Lord’s-day, May 25. There was some degree of divine power attending the word of God. Sundry wept and appeared considerably affected: and one who had long been under spiritual trouble, obtained clearness and comfort, and appeared to “rejoice in God her Saviour.”
I have reason to hope, that God has lately brought home to himself sundry souls who had long been under spiritual trouble: though there have been but few instances of persons lately awakened. And those comforted of late, seem to be brought in, in a more _silent_ way, neither their concern nor consolation being so _remarkable_, as appeared among those wrought upon in the beginning.
June 6. I discoursed to my people from part of Isaiah liii.――――The divine presence appeared to be among us. Divers persons were much melted and refreshed; and one man in particular, was now brought to see and feel, in a very lively manner, the impossibility of his doing any thing to help himself, or bring him into the favour of God by his tears, prayers, and other religious performances.
Saturday, June 7. I rode to Freehold to assist Mr. Tennent in the administration of the Lord’s supper. In the afternoon I preached, God gave me freedom and warmth in my discourse: and his presence was in the assembly. I was composed, and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit; and my soul was grieved that I could not render something to God for his benefits. O that I could be swallowed up in his praise.
Lord’s-day, June 8. I was agreeably entertained in the forenoon by a discourse from Mr. Tennent. In the season of communion, I enjoyed comfort; it was a _time of refreshing_ to me, and to many others. A number of my dear people sat down by themselves at the last table; at which time God seemed to be in the midst of them.――――And the thoughts of what God had done among them were refreshing to me. In the afternoon, God enabled me to preach with uncommon freedom. Through the goodness of God, I was favoured with a constant flow of matter, and proper expressions. In the evening I could not but rejoice in God, and bless him for the manifestations of grace in the day past. Oh it was a sweet and solemn day! A season of comfort to the godly, and of awakening to other souls.
Monday, June 9. I preached the concluding sermon from Genesis v. 24. “And Enoch walked with God.” God gave me enlargement and fervency in my discourse; so that I was enabled to speak with plainness and power. Praised be the Lord, it was a sweet meeting. I found my strength renewed, even to a wonder; so that I felt much stronger at the conclusion than in the ♦beginning. I have great reason to bless God for this solemnity, wherein I have found assistance in addressing others, and sweetness in my own soul.
♦ “begining” replaced with “beginning”
To-day a considerable number of my people met together early in the _woods_, and prayed, sang, and conversed of divine things; and were seen by some of the white people to be affected, and divers of them in tears.
Afterwards they attended the concluding exercises of the sacramental solemnity, and then returned home, “rejoicing for all the goodness of God” they had seen and felt: so that this was a profitable, as well as a comfortable season to many of my congregation.
Friday, June 13.――I came away rejoicing and blessing God for his grace manifested at this season. The same day I baptized _five_ persons, three adults and two children. One of these was the very _aged woman_ of whom I gave an account in my journal of December 26. She now gave me a very punctual, rational, and satisfactory account of the remarkable change she experienced some months after the beginning of her concern. And although she was become so childish through old age that I could do nothing in a way of questioning with her; yet, when I let her alone to go on with her own story, she could give a very distinct relation of the various exercises of soul she had experienced; so deep were the impressions left upon her mind by that influence she had been under! And I have great reason to hope, she is _born anew_ in her old age, being, upwards of _fourscore_.
Saturday, June 14. I rode to Kingston, to assist the Rev. Mr. Wales in the administration of the Lord’s-supper. In the afternoon I preached; but almost fainted in the pulpit: yet God strengthened me when I was just gone, and enabled me to speak his word with freedom, fervency, and application to the conscience. And praised be the Lord: “out of weakness I was made strong.” I enjoyed sweetness, in and after public worship; but was extremely tired. Oh, how many are the mercies of the Lord! “To them that have no might, he increaseth strength.”
Lord’s-day, June 15. I was dejected so that I could not hold up my head. Yet I administered the Lord’s-supper at Mr. Wales’s desire: and found myself in a good measure relieved of my pressing load, when I came to ask a blessing on the elements; here God gave me enlargement, and a tender affectionate sense of spiritual things: so that it was a season of comfort to me, and I trust more so to others. In the afternoon I preached to a vast multitude from Revelation xxii. 17. God helped me to offer a testimony for himself, and to leave sinners inexcusable. I was enabled to speak with such freedom, fluency, and clearness, as commanded the attention of the great. I was extremely tired in the evening but enjoyed composure and sweetness.
Monday, June 16. I preached again; and God helped me amazingly, so that this was a refreshing season to my soul and others. For ever blessed be God for help, when my body was so weak, and there was so large an assembly.
June 19. I visited my people with two of the reverend correspondents: I spent some time in conversation with them upon spiritual things; and took care of their worldly concerns.
This day makes up a complete year from the first time of my preaching to these Indians in New-Jersey.――――What amazing things has God wrought in this time for these poor people! What a surprising change appears in their tempers and behaviour! How are savage Pagans transformed into affectionate, and humble Christians! And their drunken and pagan howlings, turned into fervent prayers and praises to God! They “who were sometimes darkness, are now become light in the Lord.” May they walk as children of the light, and of the day. And now to him that is of power to establish them according to the gospel.――――To God only wise, be glory, through Jesus Christ, for ever and ever! Amen.
Before I conclude, I would make a few _general remarks_ upon what to me appears worthy of notice.
And, _first_, I cannot but take notice that I have ever since my first coming among the Indians, been favoured with that assistance, which (to me) is _uncommon_, in preaching _Christ crucified_, and making him the _center_ and _mark_ to which all my discourses were directed.
*It was the principal scope of all my discourses for several months, (after having taught the people something of the being and perfections of God, his creation of man in a state of rectitude and happiness, and the obligations mankind were thence under to love and honour him,) to lead them into an acquaintance with their deplorable state by nature: their inability to deliver themselves from it: the utter insufficiency of any external reformation, or of any religious performances, to bring them into the favour of God. And thence to shew them their absolute need of Christ to save them from the misery of their fallen state.――To open his all-sufficiency and willingness to save the chief of sinners.――The _freeness_ and _riches_ of his grace, proposed “without money, and without price.”――And thereupon to press them _without delay_ to betake themselves to him, under a sense of their misery and undone estate, for relief and everlasting salvation.――――And to shew them the abundant encouragement the gospel proposes to, perishing, helpless sinners, so to do.
*And I have often remarked, that whatever subject I have been upon, after having explained the truths contained therein, I have been _naturally_ and _easily_ led to Christ as the _substance_ of every one. If I treated on the being and glorious perfections of God, I was thence _naturally_ led to discourse of Christ as the only “way to the Father.”――If I attempted to open the misery of our fallen state, it was natural from thence to shew the necessity of Christ to undertake for us, to atone for our sins, and to redeem us from the power of them.――If I taught the commands of God, and shewed our violation of them, this brought me in the most easy way, to speak of the Lord Jesus Christ, as one who had “magnified the law” we had broken, and who was “become the end of it for righteousness, to every one that believes.” And never did I find so much freedom and assistance in making all the various lines of my discourses meet together, and center in Christ, as I have frequently done among these Indians.
*I have frequently been enabled to represent the divine glory, the infinite preciousness and transcendent loveliness of the great Redeemer; the suitableness of his person and purchase to supply the wants, and answer the utmost desires of immortal souls.――To open the infinite riches of his grace, and the wonderful encouragement proposed in the gospel to unworthy, helpless sinners.――To call, invite, and beseech them to come and give up themselves to him, and be reconciled to God through him.――To expostulate with them respecting their neglect of one so infinitely lovely, and freely offered.――And _this_ in _such a manner_, with such freedom, pertinency, pathos, and application to the conscience, as I never could have made myself master of by the most assiduous application. And I have often at such seasons been surprisingly helped in adapting my discourses to the _capacities_ of my people, and bringing them down into such easy, vulgar, and familiar methods of expression, as has rendered them intelligible even to Pagans.
_Secondly_, It is worthy of remark, that numbers of these people are brought to a strict compliance with the rules of _morality_ and _sobriety_, and to a conscientious performance of the _external duties_ of Christianity; without their having them frequently inculcated upon them.
God was pleased to give the grand gospel truths such a powerful influence upon their minds, that their lives ♦were quickly reformed, without repeated harangues upon _external_ duties. There was indeed no room for any discourses but those that respected the _essentials_ of religion, and the _experimental_ knowledge of divine things, while there were so many inquiring daily, not how they should regulate their _external_ conduct; but how they should escape from the wrath to come――obtain an _effectual change of heart_, and get an interest in Christ.――So that my _great work_ still was to lead them into a further view of their total depravity: to shew that there was no goodness in them: no good dispositions or desires; no love to God, or delight in his commands; but, on the contrary, hatred, enmity, and all manner of wickedness.――And at the same time to open to them the glorious remedy provided in Christ for helpless perishing sinners, and offered freely to those who have no goodness of their own, no “works of righteousness,” to recommend them to God.
♦ “werely” replaced with “were”
When these truths were felt _at heart_, there was no vice unreformed, ――no external duty neglected.――――Drunkenness, the darling vice, was broken off, and scarce an instance of it known for months together. The practice of _husbands_ and _wives_ in putting away each other, and taking others, was quickly reformed. The same might be said of all other vices.――――The reformation was general; from the _internal_ influence of divine truths upon their hearts; and not because they had heard these vices particularly exposed, and repeatedly spoken against.
*So that experience, as well as the word of God, and the example of Christ and his apostles, have taught me, that the preaching, which is best suited to awaken in mankind a lively apprehension of their depravity and misery,――to excite them earnestly to seek after a change of heart, and to _fly for refuge_ to Christ, as the only _hope set before them_, is most _successful_ toward the reformation of their external conduct.――I have found that close applications of divine truth to the conscience, strike death to the root of all vice; while smooth harangues upon _moral virtues_ and _external duties_, at best only lop off the _branches_ of corruption.
I do not intend to represent the preaching of _morality_, and pressing persons to the _external_ performance of duty, to be unnecessary _at any time_; especially when there is less of divine power attending the means of grace.――It is doubtless among the things that “ought to be done,” while “others are not to be left undone.”――But what I principally design is a plain matter of fact, viz. That the external compliance with the rules of Christianity, appearing among my people, is not the effect of any _merely_ rational view of the beauty of _morality_, but of the internal influence that divine truths have had upon their hearts.
_Thirdly_, It is remarkable, that God has so continued and renewed the showers of his grace: so quickly set up his kingdom among these people; and so smiled upon them in their acquirement of knowledge, both divine and human. It is now near a year since the beginning of this gracious out-pouring of the divine Spirit; and although it has often seemed to decline for some short time, yet the work of grace revived again: so that a divine influence seems still to attend the means of grace, in a greater or less degree: whereby religious persons are refreshed, strengthened, and established,――convictions revived and promoted in many,――and some newly awakened from time to time. Although it must be acknowledged, that for some time past, there has appeared a more manifest decline of this work. But (blessed be God) there is still an appearance of divine power, a desirable degree of tenderness, and devotion in our assemblies.
And as God has continued the showers of his grace among this people; so he has with uncommon _quickness_ set up his kingdom in the midst of them. I have now baptized, since the conclusion of my last journal, thirty persons, fifteen adults, and fifteen children. Which added to the number there mentioned, makes seventy-seven persons; whereof thirty-eight are adults and thirty-nine children: and all within the space of eleven months past.――And I have baptized no adults, but such as appeared to have a work of grace in their hearts: such as have experienced not only the awakening, but the renewing and comforting influences of the divine Spirit. Much of the goodness of God has appeared in their acquirement of knowledge, both in religion and in common life. There has been a wonderful thirst after _Christian knowledge_ among them, and an eager desire of being instructed. This has moved them to ask many pertinent as well as important questions. Many of the doctrines I have delivered, they have queried with me about, in order to gain further light into them: and from time to time manifested a good understanding of them, by their answers to the questions proposed.
They have likewise appeared remarkably apt in learning to sing psalms, and are now able to sing well.
They have also acquired a considerable degree of knowledge in the affairs of common life: so that they now appear like _rational_ creatures, fit for human society, free from that savage roughness and brutish stupidity, which they had in their Pagan state.
And as they are desirous of instruction, and surprisingly apt in the reception of it, so divine providence has smiled upon them in regard of _proper means_ in order to it.――The attempts made for a _school_ among them have succeeded, and they have a _school-master_, of whom I may justly say, I know of “no man like-minded, who will naturally care for their state.”
He has generally thirty or thirty-five children in his school: and when he kept an ♦evening-school (as he did in the long evenings), he had fifteen or twenty people, married and single.
♦ “evening” replaced with “evening-school” per Errata
The children learn with surprising readiness; so that their master tells me, he never had an English school that learned, in general, near so fast. There were not above two in thirty, although some of them were very small, but what learned to know all the _letters_ in the _alphabet_ distinctly, within three days, and divers in that space learned to _spell_ considerably; and some of them since the beginning of February last (at which time the school was set up) have learned so much, that they are able to read in a _Psalter_ or _Testament_ without spelling.
They are instructed in the duty of secret prayer; and most of them constantly attend it night and morning, and are very careful to inform their master if they apprehend any of their little school-mates neglect it.
_Fourthly._ It is worthy to be noted, that amidst _so great_ a work of conviction,――so much concern and religious affection, there has been no _prevalency_, nor indeed any considerable _appearance_ of _false religion_, or heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, and spiritual pride; (which corrupt mixtures too often attend the revival of religion) and that there have been so very few instances of scandalous behaviour. The religious concern that persons have been under, has generally been _rational_ and _just_: arising from a _sense_ of their sins, and the divine displeasure on the account of them; as well as their utter inability to deliver themselves from the misery they felt and feared.――And it is remarkable, although the concern of many persons has been very great and pressing, yet I have never seen any thing like _despair_ attending it in any one instance: whence it is apparent, there is not that danger of persons being driven into despair under _spiritual trouble_, (unless in cases of melancholy,) that the world is ready to imagine.
The _comfort_ persons have obtained after their distresses, has likewise in general appeared solid, ♦well-grounded, and scriptural; arising from a spiritual and _supernatural illumination_ of mind,――a view of divine things _as they are_, a complacency of soul in the divine perfections,――and a peculiar satisfaction in the _way of salvation_, by the great Redeemer.
♦ “well-grouned” replaced with “well-grounded”
*Their joys have seemed to rise from a variety of views of divine things, although for substance the same.
Some have at first appeared to rejoice, especially in the _wisdom_ of God, discovered in the way of salvation by Christ; it then appearing to them “a new way,” a way they had never any just conception of, until opened to them by the divine Spirit. And some of them, upon a _spiritual_ view of this way of salvation, have wondered at their past folly in seeking salvation other ways, and have admired that they never saw _this_ way of salvation before, which now appeared so _plain_ and _easy_.
Others have had a more _general_ view of the excellency of Christ, being delighted with an apprehension of his glory, as unspeakably exceeding _all_ they had ever conceived before; yet without singling out (as it were) any one of the divine perfections in particular.
*What the Indians notions of God are, in their Pagan state, is hard to determine. I have taken much pains to enquire of my Christian people, whether they, before their acquaintance with Christianity, imagined there was a _plurality_ of great invisible powers, or whether they supposed but _one_ such being, and worshipped him in a variety of shapes: but cannot learn any thing of them so distinct as to be fully satisfying upon the point. Their notions in that state were so dark and confused, that they seem not to know what they thought themselves. But so far as I can learn, they had a notion of a plurality of invisible _deities_, and paid some kind of homage to them promiscuously, under a great variety of shapes. And it is certain those who yet remain Pagans pay some kind of superstitious reverence to beasts, birds, fishes, and even reptiles; that is, some to one kind of animal, and some to another. They do not indeed suppose a divine power _essential_ to these creatures, but that some invisible beings (I cannot learn that it is always one) communicate to these animals a _great power_, either one or other of them, (just as it happens) and so make these creatures the immediate authors of good to certain persons. Whence such a creature becomes _sacred_ to the persons to whom he is supposed to be the immediate author of good, and through him they must worship the invisible powers, though to others he is no more than another creature. And perhaps another animal is looked upon to be the immediate author of good to _another_, and consequently _he_ must worship the invisible powers in that animal. And I have known a Pagan burn fine tobacco for incense, in order to appease the anger of that invisible power which he supposed presided over _rattle-snakes_, because one of these animals was killed by another Indian near his house.
But I find, that in ancient times, before the coming of the white people, some supposed there was _four_ invisible powers, who presided over the four corners of the earth. Others imagined the _sun_ to be the _only_ deity, and that all things were made by him: others had a confused notion of a certain _body_ or fountain of _deity_, somewhat like the _anima mundi_, so frequently mentioned by the learned Heathens, diffusing itself to various animals, and even to inanimate things, making them the immediate authors of good to certain persons. But after the coming of the white people they seemed to suppose there were three deities, and three only, because they saw people of three different kinds of complexion, _viz._ English, Negroes and themselves.
It is a notion generally prevailing among them, that it was not the same _God_ made them, who made us; but that they were made after the white people. And they suppose their God gained some special skill by seeing the white people made, and so made _them_ better: for they look upon themselves, and their methods of living, (which they say, their god expressly prescribed) as vastly preferable to the white people, and their methods. And hence they will frequently sit and laugh at them as being good for nothing but to fatigue themselves, with hard labour; while _they_ enjoy the satisfaction of stretching themselves on the ground, and sleeping as much as they please; and have no other trouble than now and then to chase the deer. Hence, many of them look upon it as disgraceful for them to become Christians, as Christians do to become a Pagan: and though they suppose our religion will do well enough for us, because prescribed by our God, yet it is no ways proper for them, because not of the same original.
*They seem to have some confused notion of a future state, and many of them imagine that the _chichang_, (_i. e._ the shadow,) or what survives the body, will at death go _southward_, and in an unknown but curious place, will enjoy some kind of happiness, such as hunting, feasting, dancing. And what they suppose will contribute much to their happiness in that state is, that they shall never be weary of those entertainments.
Some of them have some faint notion of _rewards_ and _punishments_, or at least of _happiness_ and _misery_ in a future state; others seem to know no such thing. Those that suppose this, imagine that most will ♦be happy, and those that are not so, will be punished only with _privation_, being excluded the walls of that good world where happy souls shall dwell.
♦ “he” replaced with “be”
These rewards and punishments they suppose to depend entirely upon their behaviour towards mankind, and not to have any reference to God. I once consulted a very ancient Indian upon this point, whether the Indians of old times had supposed there was any thing of the man that would survive the body? He replied yes. I asked him, further, whether it would be happy there? He answered, after some considerable pause, that the souls of good folks would be happy, and the souls of _bad_ folks miserable. I then asked who he called _bad folks_? His answer was, those who lie, steal, quarrel with their neighbours, are unkind to their friends, and especially to aged parents, and in a word are but a plague to mankind. These were his bad folks; but not a word was said of their neglect of divine worship, and their badness in that respect.
They have indeed some kind of worship, are frequently offering _sacrifices_ to some invisible powers, and are ready to impute their calamities in the present world, to the neglect of these sacrifices; but there is no appearances of reverence and devotion in the homage they pay them; and what they do of this nature seems to be done only to appease the anger of their deities, to engage them to do them no hurt, or at most only to invite these _powers_ to succeed them in those enterprises they are engaged in. So that in offering these sacrifices, they seem to have no reference to a future state. And they imagine, that those they call _bad folks_, are excluded from the company of good people in that state, not so much because God is determined to punish them for their sins of any kind, as because they would render others unhappy if admitted to dwell with them. So that they are excluded rather of _necessity_, than by God acting as a _righteous judge_.
They give much heed to _dreams_, because they suppose the invisible powers give them directions therein. They are likewise much attached to the traditions of their fathers, who have informed them of divers miracles anciently wrought. *They also mention some wonderful things which, they say, have happened since the memory of some who are now living. One affirmed to me, that himself had once been dead four days, that most of his friends were gathered together to his funeral, and that he should have been buried, but that some of his relations were not arrived, before whose coming he came to life again. In this time, he says, he went to the place where the sun _rises_, (imagining the earth to be plain,) and directly over that place, at a great height in the air, he was admitted, he says, into a great house, which he supposes was several miles in length, and saw many wonderful things.
What increases their aversion to Christianity is the influence their _powwows_ have upon them. These are supposed to have a power of _foretelling future events_, _of recovering the sick_, and of _charming persons to death_. Probably a satanical imitation of the spirit of prophecy that the church in early ages possessed.
I have laboured to gain some acquaintance with this affair, and have for that end consulted the man mentioned in my journal of May 9, who, since his conversion to Christianity, has endeavoured to give me the best intelligence he could of this matter. But it seems to be such a _mystery of iniquity_, that I cannot well understand it; and, so far as I can learn, he himself has not any clear notions of the thing, now his spirit of divination is gone from him. However the manner in which he says he obtained this spirit was, *he was admitted into the presence of a great man, who informed him, that he loved, pitied, and desired to do him good. It was not in this world that he saw the great man, but in a world above at a vast distance from this. The great man, he says, was cloathed with the day; yea, with the brightest day he ever saw; a day of many years, yea, of everlasting ♦continuance! This whole world, he says, was drawn upon him, so that in him, the earth, and all things in it, might be seen. I asked him, if rocks, mountains, and seas was drawn upon, or appeared in him? He replied, that every thing that was beautiful and lovely in the earth was upon him, and might be seen by looking on him, as well as if one was on the earth to take a view of them there. By the side of the great man, he says, stood his shadow or spirit. This shadow, he says, was as lovely as the man himself, and filled all places, and was most agreeable as well as wonderful to him.――Here he says, he tarried some time, and was unspeakably delighted with a view of the great man, of his shadow or spirit, and of all things in him. And what is most of all astonishing, he imagines all this to have passed before he was born. He never had been, he says, in this world at that time. And what confirms him in the belief of this, is, that the great man told him, that he must come down to earth, be born of _such_ a woman, meet with _such_ and _such_ things, and in particular, that he should once in his life be guilty of _murder_. At this he was displeased, and told the great man, he would never murder. But the great man replied, “I have said it, and it shall be so.” Which has accordingly happened. At this time, he says, the great man asked him what he would chuse in life. He replied, first to be a _hunter_, and afterwards to be a _powwow_ or _diviner_. Whereupon the great man told him, he should have what he desired, and that his _shadow_ should go along with him down to earth, and be with him for ever. There was, he says, all this time no words spoken between them. The conference was not carried on by any _human_ language, but they had a kind of mental intelligence of each other’s thoughts. After this, he says, he saw the great man no more; but supposes he came down to earth to be born, but the spirit or shadow of the great man still attended him, and ever after continued to appear to him in dreams and other ways, until he felt the power of God’s word upon his heart; since which it has entirely left him.
♦ “countenance” replaced with “continuance” per Errata
*This spirit, he says, used to direct him in dreams to go to such a place and hunt, assuring him he should meet with success, which accordingly proved so. And when he had been there some time, the spirit would order him to another place. So that he had success in hunting, according to the great man’s promise.
*There were some times when this spirit came upon him in a _special_ manner, and he was full of what he saw in the great man. And then, he says, he was _all light_, and not only _light_ himself, but it was light all _around him_, so that he could see through men, and knew the thoughts of their hearts. These _depths of Satan_ I leave to others to fathom, and cannot guess what conceptions of things these creatures have at the times when they call themselves _all light_. But my interpreter tells me, that he heard one of them tell a certain Indian the secret thoughts of his heart. The case was this; the Indian was bitten with a snake, and was in extreme pain. Whereupon the _diviner_ (who was applied to) told him, that at _such a time_ he had promised, the next deer he killed he would sacrifice it to some _great power_, but had broken his promise. And now, said he, that great power has ordered this snake to bite you for your neglect. The Indian confessed it was so, but said he had never told any body of it. But as _Satan_, no doubt, excited the Indian to make that promise, it was no wonder he should be able to communicate the matter to the conjurer.
[On Friday and Saturday, he was very much amiss; but yet preached to his people on Saturday. His illness continued on the sabbath; but he preached notwithstanding, both parts of the day; and after the public worship, endeavoured to apply divine truths to the consciences of some, addressing them personally: several were in tears, and some appeared much affected. But he was extremely wearied with the service, and was so ill at night, that he could have no rest; but remarks, that “God was his support.” On Monday, he continued very ill; but calm and composed, resigned to the divine dispensations.]
Lord’s-day, June 29. I preached both parts of the day. God was pleased to afford me both freedom and power; in both exercises. God’s people were refreshed and melted with divine things; one or two comforted, who had been long under distress; convictions, in divers instances, powerfully revived; and one man in years much awakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, and appeared before as stupid as a stock. God amazingly renewed my strength. I was so spent at noon, that I could scarce walk, and all my joints trembled; so that I could not sit, nor so much as hold my hand still: and yet God strengthened me to preach with power in the afternoon. I spent some time afterwards in conversing particularly, with several persons. I prayed afterwards with a sick child, and gave a word of exhortation, and returned home with more health than I went out; although my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the morning, till past five in the afternoon. My spirits also were considerably refreshed; and my soul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done something for God. In the evening I walked out, and enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer and praise. Oh, for spirituality and holy fervency, that I might _spend and be spent_ for God to my latest moment!
[On Wednesday he went to Newark, to a meeting of the Presbytery. The remaining part of the week he spent there, and at Elisabeth-Town.]
*Monday, July 7. My spirits were considerably refreshed. There is no comfort, I find, in any enjoyment, without enjoying God, and being engaged in his service. In the evening I had the most agreeable conversation that ever I remember in all my life, upon God’s being _all in all_, and all enjoyments being just _that_ to us which God makes them, and no more. It is good to begin and end with God.
Saturday, July 12. This day was spent in fasting and prayer by my congregation, as preparatory to the sacrament. I discoursed, both parts of the day. God gave me assistance in my discourses, and divine power attended the word; so that this was an agreeable season. Afterwards I led them to a solemn renewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of themselves to God. This was a season both of solemnity and sweetness, and God was in the midst of us.
Lord’s-day, July 13. I administered the sacrament of the Lord’s supper to thirty-one persons of the Indians. God seemed to be present in this ordinance; the communicants were sweetly refreshed. Oh, how they melted, even when the elements were first uncovered! There was scarcely a dry eye among them, when I took off the linen, and shewed them the symbols of _Christ’s broken body_.――Having rested a little, after the administration of the sacrament, I visited the communicants, and found them generally in a sweet loving frame. In the afternoon I discoursed upon _coming to Christ_. This was likewise a season of much tenderness. I returned home much spent, yet rejoicing in the goodness of God.
Monday, July 14. I discoursed from Psalms cxix. 106. “I have sworn, and I will perform it,” &c. There appeared to be a powerful influence on the assembly, and considerable melting under the word. Afterwards, I led them to a renewal of their covenant before God, (that they would watch over themselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin, and dishonour the name of Christ,) just as I did on Monday, April 28. This transaction was attended with great solemnity: and God owned it by exciting in them a fear and jealousy of themselves, lest they should sin against God.
[The next day, he set out on a journey towards Philadelphia; from whence he did not return till Saturday. He spent the week under great illness of body and dejection of mind.]
Monday, July 21. I preached to the Indians, chiefly for the sake of some strangers. I then proposed my design of taking a journey to Susquahannah: exhorted my people to pray for me, and chose divers persons of the congregation to travel with me.
Monday, July 28. I was very weak, but I enjoyed sweetness and comfort in prayer; and was composed and comfortable through the day: my mind was intense, and my heart fervent in secret duties; and I longed to _spend and be spent for God_.
Tuesday, July 29. My mind was chearful, and free from those melancholy damps, that I am often exercised with. In the evening I enjoyed a comfortable season in secret prayer, was helped to plead with God for my own dear people: and for the divine presence to attend me in my intended journey to Susquahannah.
Wednesday, July 30. I was uncommonly easy, both in body and mind: my mind was solemn, and God seemed to be near me: so that the day was as comfortable as most I have enjoyed for some time.
*Friday, August 1. In the evening I enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer; clouds and perplexing cares were sweetly scattered. Oh, how serene was my mind! How free from that distracting concern I have often felt! “Thy will be done,” was a petition sweet to my soul: and if God had bidden me chuse for myself in any affair, I should have chosen rather to have referred the choice to him; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could not do any thing amiss, as I was in danger of doing.
Saturday, August 2. I preached from Matthew xi. 19. and the presence of God seemed to be remarkably in the assembly. Blessed be God for such a revival among us. In the evening I was very weary, but found my spirits supported and refreshed.
Friday, August 5. I preached at the funeral of ♦one of my Christians, was oppressed with the head-ach, and considerably dejected: however, I had a little freedom. I was extremely weary in the evening; but notwithstanding enjoyed some liberty in prayer, and found the dejection that I feared, much removed, and my spirits considerably refreshed.
♦ “one” replaced with “one of” per Errata
Thursday, August 7. I rode to my house, where I spent the last winter, in order to bring some things I needed for my Susquahannah journey; I was refreshed to see that place, which God so marvellously visited with the showers of his grace. How amazingly did the _powers of God_ appear there! “Bless the Lord, O my soul.”
Saturday, August 9. In the afternoon, I visited my people, and contrived for the management of their worldly business: discoursed to them in a solemn manner, and concluded with prayer. I was composed in the evening, and fervent in secret prayer: had a view of the eternal world, and much serenity of mind. Oh that I could magnify the Lord for any freedom he affords me in prayer!
Monday, August 11. Being about to set out for Susquahannah the next day, I spent some time this day in prayer with my people, that God would bless and succeed my journey; and set up his kingdom among the poor Indians in the wilderness. While I was opening and applying part of the cxth Psalm, the _power of God_ descended on the assembly; numbers were melted, and I found affectionate enlargement of soul. God helped me, and my interpreter also: there was a shaking and melting among us; and divers, I doubt not, were in some measure “filled with the Holy Ghost;” especially while I insisted upon the promise of _all nations blessing_ the great _Redeemer_: my soul was refreshed to think, that this glorious season should surely come; and numbers of my dear people were also refreshed. Afterwards I prayed; and had some freedom, but was almost spent: then I walked out, and left my people to carry on religious exercises among themselves: they prayed repeatedly, and sung, while I rested. Afterwards I went to the meeting, prayed with, and dismissed the assembly. Blessed be God, this has been a day of grace.
[The next day he set out on his journey towards Susquahannah, and six of his Christian Indians with him. He took his way through Philadelphia, intending to go to Susquahannah-river, far down, where it is settled by the white people, below the country inhabited by the Indians: and so travel up the river to the Indian habitations: for although this was much farther about, yet hereby he avoided the huge mountains and hideous wilderness. He rode this week as far as Charlestown, a place of that name about thirty miles westward of Philadelphia; where he arrived on Friday; and in his way hither, was for the most part in a comfortable state of mind.]
Saturday, August 16. [At Charlestown.] It being a day kept by the people, as preparatory to the Lord’s supper, I tarried, heard Mr. Treat preach; and then preached myself. God helped me to discourse with warmth, and application, to the conscience. Afterwards I was refreshed in spirit, though much tired; and spent the evening agreeably in prayer, and Christian conversation.
Monday, August 18. I rode on my way towards Paxton, upon Susquahannah-river, but felt my spirits sink, towards night.
Tuesday, August 19. I rode forward still; and at night lodged by the side of Susquahannah.
Wednesday, August 20. Having lain in a cold sweat all night, I coughed much blood this morning; but I had a secret hope that I might speedily get a dismission from earth, and all its sorrows. I rode this day to one Chambers’s, upon Susquahannah, and there lodged, but was much afflicted, in the evening, with an ungodly crew, drinking and swearing. Oh, what a _hell_ would it be, to be numbered with the _ungodly_!
Thursday, August 21. I rode up the river about fifteen miles, and there lodged, in a family that appeared quite destitute of God. I laboured to discourse with the man about the life of religion, but found him very artful in evading it. Oh, what a death it is to some, to hear of _the things of God_!
Friday, August 22. I continued my course up the river: my people now being with me, who before were parted from me; travelled above all the English settlements; at night, lodged in the open woods, and slept with more comfort, than while among an ungodly company of white people.
Lord’s-day, August 24. Towards noon I visited some of the Delawares, and discoursed with them about Christianity. In the afternoon I discoursed to the _King_, and others, upon divine things, who seemed disposed to hear. I spent most of the day in these exercises. In the evening I enjoyed some comfort: especially in secret prayer: so that I loved to walk abroad and repeatedly engage in it.
Monday, August 25. I sent out my people to talk with the Indians, and contract a familiarity with them. Some good seemed to be done by their visit this day, and divers appeared willing to hearken to Christianity.
Tuesday, August 26. About noon I discoursed to a considerable number of Indians: I was enabled to speak with much plainness, warmth, and power. The discourse had impression upon some, and made them appear very serious.
Wednesday, August 27. There having been a thick smoak, in the house where I lodged, I was this morning distressed with pains in my head and neck. In the morning the smoak was still the same: and a cold easterly storm gathering, I could neither live within doors nor without long together; I was pierced with the rawness of the air abroad, in the house distressed with the smoak. I this day lived in great distress, and had not health enough to do any thing to purpose.
Thursday, August 28. I was visited by some who desired to hear me preach: and discoursed to them in the afternoon, with some fervency, and laboured to persuade them to _turn to God_. *I scarce ever saw more clearly, that it is God’s _work_ to convert souls, I knew I could not touch them, I saw I could only speak to _dry bones_, but could give them no sense of what I said. My eyes were up to God for help: I could say, the _work_ was _his_.
Friday, August 29. I travelled to the Delawares, found few at home: felt poorly, but was able to spend some time alone in reading God’s word and in prayer.
Lord’s-day, August 31. I spake the word of God, to some few of the Susquahannah Indians. In the afternoon, I felt very weak and feeble. Oh, how heavy is my work, when _faith_ cannot take hold of an _almighty arm_, for the performance of it!
Monday, September 1. I set out on a journey towards a place called _The great island_, about fifty miles distant from Shaumoking, in the north western branch of Susquahannah. At night I lodged in the woods. I was exceeding feeble, this day, and sweat much the night following.
Tuesday, September 2. I rode forward; but no faster than my people went on foot. I was so feeble and faint, that I feared it would kill me to lie out in the open air; and some of our company being parted from us, so that we had now no axe with us, I had no way but to climb into a young pine tree, and with my knife to lop the branches, and so made a shelter from the dew. I sweat much in the night, so that my linen was almost wringing wet all night. I scarce ever was more weak and weary than this evening.
Wednesday, September 3. I rode to Delaware town; and found divers drinking and drunken. I discoursed with some of the Indians about Christianity; observed my _interpreter_ much engaged in his work; some few persons seemed to hear with great earnestness. About noon I rode to a small town of Shawwannoes, about eight miles distant; spent an hour or two there, and returned to the Delaware town. Oh what ♦a dead, barren, unprofitable wretch did I now see myself to be! My spirits were so low, and my bodily strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at all. At length being much overdone I lay down on a _buffalo-skin_; but sweat much the whole night.
♦ duplicate word “a” removed
Thursday, September 4. I discoursed with the Indians about Christianity; my _interpreter_, afterwards, carrying on the discourse to a considerable length: some few appeared well disposed, and somewhat affected. I left this place, and returned to Shaumoking; and at night lodged in the place where I lodged the Monday night before: but my people being belated did not come to me till past ten at night; so that I had no fire to dress any victuals, or to keep me warm; and I was ♦scarce ever more weak and worn out in my life.
♦ “sarce” replaced with “scarce”
Friday, September 5. I was so weak, that I could scarcely ride: it seemed sometimes as if I must fall off from my horse: however, I got to Shaumoking towards night, and felt thankfulness, that God had so far returned me.
Saturday, September 6. I spent the day in a very weak state; coughing and spitting blood, and having little appetite to any food I had with me: I was able to do very little, except discourse awhile of divine things to my own people, and to some few I met with.
Monday, September 8. I spent the forenoon among the Indians; in the afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down the river a few miles. I had proposed to have tarried a considerable time longer among the Indians upon Susquahannah; but was hindered by the weakly circumstances of my own people, and especially my own extraordinary weakness, having been exercised with great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing up of blood, in almost the whole of the journey. I was a great part of the time so feeble and faint, that it seemed as though I never should be able to reach home; and at the same time destitute of the comforts, yea the necessaries of life; at least what was necessary for one in so weak a state. In this journey I sometimes was enabled to speak the word of God with power, and divine truths made some impression on divers that heard me; so that several, both men and women, old and young, seemed to cleave to us, and be well disposed towards Christianity; but others mocked and shouted, which damped those who before seemed friendly. Yet God at times, was evidently present, assisting me, my interpreter, and other dear friends who were with me in prayer for the ingathering of souls there; and I could not but entertain a strong hope, that the journey would not be wholly fruitless.
Tuesday, September 9. I rode down the river, near thirty miles, was extreme weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunder storm. I discoursed with some warmth and closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the life and power of religion. They seemed much astonished, when they saw my Indians ask a blessing, and give thanks at dinner: concluding that a very high evidence of grace in them; but were more astonished, when I insisted that neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was any sure evidence of grace. Oh the ignorance of the world! How are some empty outward forms, mistaken for true religion.
Wednesday, September 10. I rode near twenty miles homeward; and was much solicited to preach, but was utterly unable. I was extremely over done with the heat and showers, and coughed up considerable quantities of blood.
Thursday, September 11. I rode homeward: but was very weak, and sometimes scarce able to ride, I had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting house I came by, but could not by reason of weakness. I was resigned under my weakness; but was much exercised for my companions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, some lame, and some sick.
Friday, September 12. I rode about fifty miles; and came just at night to a Christian friend’s house, about twenty-five miles westward of Philadelphia. I was kindly entertained, and found myself much refreshed in the midst of my weakness and fatigues.
Lord’s-day, September 14. I preached both parts of the day (but short) from Luke xiv. 23. God gave me freedom and warmth in my discourse; and helped me to labour in singleness of heart. I was much tired in the evening, but was comforted with the most tender treatment I ever met with in my life. My mind through the whole of this day, was exceeding calm; and I could ask for nothing but that “the will of God might be done.”
Wednesday, September 17. I rode into Philadelphia, but was very weak, and my cough and my spitting of blood continued.
Saturday, September 20. I arrived among my own people: found them praying together: went in, and gave them some account of God’s dealings with me and my companions in the journey. I then prayed with them, and the divine presence was among us; divers were melted into tears. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my lodgings. Thus God has carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to Susquahannah, and returned me again in safety, though under a great degree of bodily indisposition. Many hardships and distresses I endured in this journey: but the Lord supported me under them all.