Part 1
Transcriber’s Note Italic text displayed as: _italic_
Alias Santa Claus
By PERCIVAL WILDE
COLLECTED PLAYS:
DAWN AND OTHER ONE-ACT PLAYS OF LIFE TODAY
DAWN—THE NOBLE LORD—THE TRAITOR—A HOUSE OF CARDS—PLAYING WITH FIRE—THE FINGER OF GOD
A QUESTION OF MORALITY AND OTHER PLAYS
A QUESTION OF MORALITY—CONFESSIONAL—THE VILLAIN IN THE PIECE—ACCORDING TO DARWIN—THE BEAUTIFUL STORY
THE UNSEEN HOST AND OTHER WAR PLAYS
THE UNSEEN HOST—MOTHERS OF MEN—PAWNS—IN THE RAVINE—VALKYRIE!
EIGHT COMEDIES FOR LITTLE THEATRES
THE SEQUEL—THE PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT—THE DYSPEPTIC OGRE—IN THE NET—A WONDERFUL WOMAN—CATESBY—HIS RETURN—EMBRYO
THE INN OF DISCONTENT AND OTHER FANTASTIC PLAYS
THE INN OF DISCONTENT—LADY OF DREAMS—THE LUCK-PIECE—ASHES OF ROMANCE—NOCTURNE
CHILDREN’S PLAYS:
THE TOY SHOP REVERIE THE ENCHANTED CHRISTMAS TREE KINGS IN NOMANIA
CRITICISM:
THE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF THE ONE-ACT PLAY
Alias Santa Claus
A Play for Children
by
Percival Wilde
Author of “Kings in Nomania,” “The Enchanted Christmas Tree,” etc.
[Illustration: Decoration]
D. Appleton and Company New York :: 1927 :: London
COPYRIGHT, 1927, BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY
_All Rights Reserved_
This play is fully protected in all countries by the copyright law, all requirements of which have been complied with. No performance, professional or amateur, no public reading, nor any radio broadcast, may be given without permission of the publisher, D. APPLETON AND COMPANY, 35 W. 32nd St., New York, or D. APPLETON AND COMPANY, 34 Bedford Street, Covent Garden, London, England.
Copyright, 1926, by The Pictorial Review Co.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Alias Santa Claus
CHARACTERS
DAVID MILLMAN, JR. HALLIGAN VICKY DAVID MILLMAN, SR. BILL } SLIM } _Juvenile Delinquents_ BESSIE } PETE } MAGGIE } T’EODORE } _Uninvited Guests_ ANNIE } GROVER } WOODROW } CALVIN }
Alias Santa Claus
_It is Christmas day in the Millman home, and the large room upon which our curtain rises is appropriately adorned for the occasion. The lighting fixtures are gayly festooned. A holly wreath hangs at the big window at the back; more wreaths hang from the doors at either side. There is a wealth of hothouse flowers._
_Near the center is a very large and magnificently trimmed Christmas tree; a tree so splendid that you gasp when you see it. It is surrounded by a small ocean of gifts; enough to stock a fair-sized store. A gorgeous bicycle has a place of honor; it is hemmed in by a whole library of books, a pair of boxing gloves, two sleds, a regiment of the very latest mechanical wonders, enough musical instruments to equip a miniature band, and any number of games. There is everything you can think of—and more._
_The toys are most expensive, and you wonder how many children are to be made happy by them—and then we tell you that they are all for the exclusive use of David Millman, Jr., who is seven years old, and who would greatly prefer permission to put on rompers, and play on some not too clean floor. But being an only child of a widowed father, and being heir to a string of banks, and at least one railroad, and half a dozen mansions in town and country, he is not permitted to do such things._
* * * * *
_As our play begins the room is empty—but not for long. A face peers in through the window at the back, the sash is raised slowly and noiselessly, and a fourteen-year-old boy hoists himself across the sill. He is roughly dressed. His eyes are covered by a black mask with slits in it. Under his arm, with exaggerated care, he carries a gayly decorated box of candy._
_He looks about stealthily, tiptoeing about the room. Then he turns to the window to hiss to an accomplice_:
SLIM
Coast’s clear!
[BILL, _another boy, masked, and wearing a badly fitting beard and whiskers, climbs into the room. His appearance is one-half villainous, one-half pathetic. He is thin, and he is suffering from a cold._]
Shh!
BILL
I ain’t makin’ no noise—not a w’isper.
[_He upsets a chair. It is loaded with mechanical toys, and falls with a fearful racket._]
SLIM
Sufferin’ cats!
[_They rush to concealment. There is a dreadful pause. Presently they poke their heads out cautiously._]
BILL
Nobody hoid it.
SLIM
Dey must be deef in dis house.
[_He steals to one door and applies his ear to the keyhole._ BILL, _timid in the presence of so much luxury, moves to the other_.]
Well?
BILL
Naw—not a sound.
SLIM
Deef—or asleep!
BILL
Slim, pipe de tree!
SLIM
Ain’t it a boid?
BILL
It’s a humdinger! It’s a pippin! It’s a looloo!
[_He surveys it from top to bottom._]
T’ink of it, Slim, just t’ink of it: a tree like dat—an’ fer _one_ kid!
SLIM
Pretty soft, I’ll tell de woild!
BILL
’Tain’t fair! ’Tain’t! Here we got eight young ’uns at home, an’ I promised ’em a tree fer Christmas, an’ dey ain’t got nuttin’: not even a geranium! Gee, wouldn’t dey love dis!
SLIM
[_Scornfully._]
Are yuh gettin’ mushy?
BILL
[_With pathetic bravado._]
_Me_ mushy? I’m hard-boiled!
[_Suddenly._]
Say——
SLIM
W’at?
BILL
I gotta sneeze.
SLIM
Sneeze, an’ I’ll moider yuh!
[_He crosses hastily to_ BILL, _and waves his arms grotesquely in a futile effort to prevent him from sneezing_.]
Now!... Now!... Now!...
BILL
[_Thunderously._]
A-choo!
[SLIM _hastens to hide_; BILL _follows. There is another dreadful pause, but nobody comes to disturb them. Presently_ BILL _becomes visible again. Cheerfully._]
Nobody hoid me.
SLIM
[_With unlimited sarcasm._]
Dey t’ought it was just blastin’ in de subway!
BILL
Wouldn’t be surprised if dey did. Sounded like it.
SLIM
Now keep yer eyes open!
[_He crosses stealthily to the tree, and deposits his box of candy at its foot. It is a large box tied up with red ribbon. It is very conspicuous._]
Dere!
BILL
Yer sure it ain’t gonna hoit de kid, Slim?
SLIM
Leave it to me!
BILL
[_Hopefully._]
Maybe he won’t eat it.
SLIM
W’at kid won’t eat candy?
BILL
Dis one’s a millionaire kid.
SLIM
He’s a kid just de same, ain’t he? He’ll eat one—maybe two. W’at’s de diff? One’ll do de trick fine an’ dandy. It won’t hoit him none—
BILL
How do yuh know?
SLIM
Knock-out drops, dat’s all dere’s in ’em. He’ll go off to sleep just as nice an’ easy—
BILL
W’at good’s dat gonna do us? De rest of ’em ain’t gonna go to sleep, an’ dere’s a noice, an’ dere’s a guard dat watches him every minute, an’ dere’s—
SLIM
[_Interrupting._]
Dey’ll all holler fer help—see? Dey’ll run fer a doctor. Dey’ll leave him right here, alone, an’ dead to de woild, an’ den we lift him outa de winder, wit’out nobody to stop us.
[_He rubs his hands happily._]
We’ll get a million—a cool million—outa his dad before we give him back.
BILL
[_Eagerly._]
Do yuh t’ink he’ll pay it?
SLIM
[_Grimly._]
He’ll pay it if he expec’s to lay eyes on dat kid again.
BILL
[_Anxiously._]
Slim, yuh wouldn’t hoit de kid?
SLIM
I don’t know what I’d do. I’m desprit!
[_He surveys_ BILL _with scorn_.]
Are yuh gettin’ mushy again?
BILL
[_With his same pathetic bravado._]
_Me_ mushy? I’m hard-boiled!
SLIM
Well, stay dat way!
[_He leads the way toward the window._]
Stick to me, Bill, an’ in a week we’ll be rollin’ in money! A million! A million!
BILL
I don’t need dat much.
SLIM
[_Going out at the window._]
I’ll take w’at yuh don’t want.
BILL
[_Following._]
I gotta sneeze!
[SLIM’S _arm reaches up, grabs him by the collar, and hauls him out head first. The window closes._]
SLIM
[_Outside._]
Now!... Now!... Now!...
[_There is a monstrous sneeze._]
[_There is only an instant’s pause this time. Then, from the right, enters_ HALLIGAN, _a brawny middle-aged Irishman, whose business it is to guard the young millionaire. He is followed by_ VICKY, _the nurse_.]
HALLIGAN
I thought I was after hearin’ something.
VICKY
You’re forever hearing things, Mr. Halligan!
HALLIGAN
[_Seriously._]
I’m paid to keep my eyes and ears open. I’m on the job.
[_He looks about the room, goes to the window and looks out._]
VICKY
[_Impressed by his earnestness._]
See anybody?
HALLIGAN
Nary a soul!
VICKY
I’m glad of that! With a young millionaire to look out for, it’s nerve-racking, I tell you! You never know what to expect—you never know what might happen.
DAVID
[_Saunters in at the right. He is a winsome, appealing boy of seven, dressed in a most expensive and most uncomfortable manner. There is an eager look in his face—a look of yearning that has never been gratified. What he wants he cannot have, and what he has means very little indeed to him._]
Hello, Vicky.
VICKY
Master David, you knew you weren’t to come in here until ten o’clock!
DAVID
[_Glancing at a wrist watch._]
It’s nearly that now, Vicky.
VICKY
Exactly ten, your father said; ten exactly. He’s very busy dictating letters in his study—he’s brought a lot of work home from the office—but he’s going to give you a few minutes.
DAVID
[_Without sentimentality._]
I know what that means: a few minutes.
VICKY
You’re not to look at the Christmas tree until he comes.
DAVID
All right; I won’t look.
[_He turns his back squarely on the tree._]
I’ll watch the door, and wait.
[_He faces the left-hand door._]
VICKY
[_Sotto voce, to_ HALLIGAN.]
Did you ever see such a child? You’d think he couldn’t help looking.
HALLIGAN
He doesn’t care about the tree.
VICKY
[_Snapping her fingers._]
Not that much!
HALLIGAN
He doesn’t want to see his presents.
VICKY
Why should he—when he has everything in the world?
HALLIGAN
It’s his father he’s after wantin’, I think. Just that.
VICKY
Shh!
[_A clock strikes ten._ DAVID _glances nervously at his watch_. HALLIGAN _stiffens to attention_. VICKY _stands erect, expectantly. The door at the left opens, and_ MILLMAN, _a fine-looking man in his forties, enters briskly, snapping shut his watch as he crosses the threshold. He is all alertness and no waste motion—his time is precious—he never forgets that._]
MILLMAN
Merry Christmas, Davy.
DAVID
[_Whose lips are trembling, and whose eyes never leave his father._]
Merry Christmas, Daddy.
MILLMAN
[_Turning to the others, and handing each an envelope._]
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
HALLIGAN
Thank you, sir—and the same to you.
VICKY
Merry Christmas—and thank you.
MILLMAN
Tut—tut!
[_He turns briskly toward the tree._]
Well, Davy, and how do you like your tree?
DAVID
[_Not glancing at it._]
Very much, Daddy.
MILLMAN
It was nice of Santa to bring you so many presents.
DAVID
Very nice, Daddy.
MILLMAN
[_Examining the cards attached to the gifts._]
And here are more presents from your little friends—and your uncle Joe—and your uncle Eldridge—and your uncle Twombly—
DAVID
Yes, Daddy.
MILLMAN
[_Examining an envelope._]
Here’s an envelope from your aunt Mary—and look what’s in it!
[_He draws out a yellow-backed bill._]
DAVID
You take care of it for me, Daddy.
MILLMAN
[_Putting the envelope in his pocket._]
Here’s an electric train from Santa. Switches, and stations, and coal-cars—I declare, it’s a wonderful train. Isn’t it, Halligan?
HALLIGAN
It is that, sir.
MILLMAN
You ought to be a very happy boy, Davy.
DAVID
Yes, Daddy.
MILLMAN
[_Glancing at his watch again._]
I must go now. You don’t mind, do you, Davy? Important cablegrams—letters—
DAVID
I understand, Daddy.
MILLMAN
[_Already in the doorway._]
By the way, there’s a present from me downstairs—a new limousine. Later on you’ll go riding in it.
DAVID
[_Rushing to him with pathetic eagerness._]
Will you come too, Daddy?
MILLMAN
Sorry, Davy—haven’t time.
[_He pats the boy’s head and nods pleasantly to the others._]
Good morning.
[_The door closes behind him, and_ DAVID, _as if struck by a blow, withdraws again into his shell_.]
VICKY
A fine gentleman, Mr. Millman!
HALLIGAN
That he is!
VICKY
Did you see the check he gave me?
[_Shows it._]
HALLIGAN
Just take a look at this one!
VICKY
[_Fervently._]
The salt of the earth!
HALLIGAN
A fine gentleman!
DAVID
[_Who has been motionless, now turns to_ HALLIGAN, _in joyous assent_.]
A fine gentleman, isn’t he, Halligan?
[_Proudly._]
When my father walks along the street everybody stops to look at him! I can see the people nudging each other, and saying, “There goes Mr. Millman.” And the newspapers send men here to take his picture—but father’s too busy to let them do that. And when I go out I hear everybody say, “There goes Millman’s boy.” And all the policemen touch their caps and talk to me.
HALLIGAN
Yes, I’ve seen that many a time.
DAVID
And it’s all because daddy’s such a fine man!
HALLIGAN
[_Finding the statement difficult to correct._]
Yes; I guess that’s the reason.
[_He is in distress._]
VICKY
[_Coming to the rescue._]
Now you may look at the tree, Master David.
DAVID
[_Suddenly unenthusiastic, barely glancing at the tree._]
It’s very nice.
VICKY
Is that all you can say about it?
DAVID
It’s just as nice as the one we had last year—and that was the nicest I ever saw.
VICKY
[_Taking up the gifts._]
Boxing gloves!
DAVID
[_Tentatively, knowing what to expect._]
May I put them on?
VICKY
Some day, perhaps—not just yet. Sleds!
DAVID
May I go coasting on them?
VICKY
Next year, maybe—not now. A trumpet?
DAVID
May I blow on it?
VICKY
Mercy, no! Not until it has been boiled.
DAVID
But that’ll spoil the paint.
VICKY
Better to spoil the paint than to ruin your health.
DAVID
[_Disappointed._]
Oh, all right.
HALLIGAN
[_Coming to the rescue in his turn._]
I have a list of the presents here.
[_He produces a long sheet._]
Two railroad trains—complete.
DAVID
[_Not boasting; simply stating facts._]
I have four already.
HALLIGAN
Two phonographs.
DAVID
I have three—and I can’t play more than one at once.
HALLIGAN
Your cousin Willy sent you a set of books.
DAVID
And what did I send him?
HALLIGAN
[_Referring to the list._]
You sent him a Boy Scout outfit.
DAVID
Why didn’t he keep the books and send me the outfit?
HALLIGAN
[_Avoiding the question._]
Your aunt Genevieve sent you a bicycle.
DAVID
[_Interested despite himself._]
Oh, that’s nice!
[_He moves toward it._]
VICKY
[_Interposing._]
You may ride on it when you’re older.
DAVID
But not now?
VICKY
[_With real solicitude._]
You might hurt yourself, Master David.
DAVID
[_Crestfallen; turning to_ HALLIGAN.]
Don’t read me any more, Halligan.
[_Christmas is a complete failure so far as he is concerned._ VICKY _realizes it, and directs his attention to the gifts_.]
VICKY
Look: a tennis racket.
DAVID
[_Despite himself._]
That’ll be fun this summer!
HALLIGAN
It will that!
DAVID
I may play with it?
VICKY
All you like.
DAVID
Good! Watch my overhand!
[_He swings the racket._]
VICKY
[_Taking it from him._]
Not in the house, Master David; you’ll break something.
DAVID
I knew there was a string tied to it.
VICKY
[_Indicating._]
Golf clubs.
DAVID
For the summer?
VICKY
Naturally for the summer.
DAVID
[_Nodding._]
I see; it’s winter now.
[_He sees a pair of ice skates, and takes them up._]
Do these have to wait for the summer, too?
HALLIGAN
[_Impressively._]
You’re to go to the rink with them this afternoon.
DAVID
That _will_ be nice!
VICKY
They’re a gift from us, Master David—
HALLIGAN
From me and her.
DAVID
[_Sincerely._]
Thank you, Vicky.
[_He kisses her._]
Thanks, Halligan.
[_He shakes hands._]
You couldn’t have given me anything I’d like better.
[_He feels the edge._]
They’re sharp, aren’t they?
HALLIGAN
I saw to that.
VICKY
[_Alarmed._]
Be careful, Master David!
DAVID
[_Smiling._]
You aren’t going to get them away from me!
[_He gives them to_ HALLIGAN, _and turns back to the tree_.]
Look!
HALLIGAN
[_Following his glance._]
Candy!
VICKY
[_Horrified._]
Candy? Who sent it?
HALLIGAN
It’s not down on the list.
VICKY
[_Kneeling to examine it._]
There’s no card.
DAVID
I guess it came from Santa Claus.
VICKY
[_Reluctantly._]
Of course you mayn’t eat it.
DAVID
That’s all right, Vicky; I don’t mind.
VICKY
[_Who has opened the box._]
There’s no card inside, but it looks lovely.
DAVID
I mayn’t have any, Vicky; eat it yourself.
VICKY
Do you really want me to?
DAVID
Of course, Vicky.
VICKY
[_Eating and smacking her lips._]
They’re good! Have one, Mr. Halligan?
HALLIGAN
I don’t mind if I do.
[_He eats a candy._]
DAVID
[_Watching with interest._]
What do they taste like?
VICKY
Chocolate—
[_Taking another._]
HALLIGAN
With strawberry cream inside—
[_Taking another._]
VICKY
This one has a cherry.
HALLIGAN
This has a walnut.
DAVID
Santa Claus makes good candy, doesn’t he? Some day, when I’m older, he’ll make some that I can eat. I’d like that!
VICKY
Another, Mr. Halligan?
HALLIGAN
I don’t mind if I do.
[_He pauses, and looks toward the door._]
Now, it isn’t up to me to say what I’m thinkin’, and nobody knows that better than myself, but it’s cruel not to let him have a taste.
VICKY
Mr. Halligan!
HALLIGAN
Who ever heard of candy hurtin’ anybody?
VICKY
Orders are orders, and they’ll be followed!
[_She relents, and, about to put the lid on the box, offers it a last time to_ HALLIGAN.]
More?
HALLIGAN
[_Swallowing hard and passing his hand over his forehead._]
No, thanks.
VICKY
[_Rising suddenly and tottering._]
Mr. Halligan—I don’t feel well. Please get me some water.
HALLIGAN
[_Alarmed; hastening out of the room._]
Right away!
DAVID
What’s the matter, Vicky? Vicky, dear?
VICKY
It’s nothing, Master David. It’ll pass away in a minute.
[_She sways, and_ DAVID _steadies her_.]
I feel dizzy—very dizzy—all of a sudden.
DAVID
Sit down, Vicky.
VICKY
[_Catching the back of a chair._]
I can’t imagine what’s wrong. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Why doesn’t Halligan bring the water? Why doesn’t he bring it? I’m so dizzy—so dizzy.
[_From the hall at the right there is the sound of a heavy fall, accompanied by the crash of breaking glass._]
DAVID
[_Alarmed._]
Halligan fell!
VICKY
[_Reeling toward the door._]
Mr. Halligan! Mr. Halligan! I’m afraid I’m going to faint.
[_On the threshold a sudden suspicion comes to her, and she pulls herself together with a heroic effort._]
David! Davy, boy. Don’t touch the candy!
[_She collapses on the threshold._]
DAVID
[_On his knees at her side._]
Vicky! Vicky, dear! Answer me, Vicky!
[_During the last few seconds the window has been raised, and_ SLIM _has come into the room_.]
SLIM
[_To_ BILL, _who follows_.]
It woiked.
BILL
De kid didn’t eat de candy.
SLIM
De udders did—dat suits me.
DAVID
[_Rising to confront the newcomers._]
What are you doing here?
SLIM
We come after yuh—
BILL
[_Pushing_ SLIM _to one side easily_.]
Nuttin’ to get excited about, kid; yer lady friend’s all right—see?
[_He leads_ DAVID _back into the room_; SLIM _thrusts the door shut, and locks it_.]
She’s just daydreamin’—takin’ a little cat nap. It won’t hoit her a bit—honest! She’ll feel fine when she wakes up.
DAVID
What happened to Halligan?
BILL
He’s daydreamin’, too. De two of ’em are daydreamin’ togedder—nice an’ sociable-like—see? Dey’re dreamin’ about de little boidies singin’ in de tree tops. Ain’t dat pretty?
[SLIM _has come forward_. BILL _waves a hand_.]
Meet my friend Slim.
DAVID
[_Extending a hand._]
How do you do?
SLIM
[_Shaking hands._]
Pleased to meet-cha.
BILL
Slim an’ me—we’re gonna look after yuh fer a w’ile.
DAVID
Yes?
[_He looks up at_ BILL _with sudden recognition_.]
You don’t have to tell me who _you_ are!
BILL
[_Worried._]
I don’t?
DAVID
I’ve seen you before!
BILL
Yuh know my name?
DAVID
Of course! Who doesn’t?
[_He pauses while_ BILL _plainly shows his anxiety_.]
Why, you’re Santa Claus!
SLIM
[_Overcome and relieved._]
W’at? W’at did yuh say?
DAVID
[_Laughing._]
You’re Santa Claus, and you know you are!
SLIM
Ha! Ha!
[_He breaks into guffaws._]
BILL
[_Poking_ SLIM _violently in the midriff with his elbow_.]
Yuh guessed it right de very foist time, kid. John W. Santa—dat’s me!
[_He tidies his impossible beard and whiskers._]
DAVID
I knew you right off!
BILL
Yuh sure did!
DAVID
[_Intensely interested, catching his hand._]
Did you have a cold trip coming here?
BILL
W’at’s dat?
DAVID
Wasn’t it cold, coming all the way from the North Pole?
BILL
Well, it wasn’t so bad after we got to a Hunner an’ Twenty-fift’ Street—
DAVID
[_Fascinated._]
No?
BILL
Den de goin’ was pretty good.
DAVID
But before you got there?
BILL
It _was_ a wee bit chilly.
SLIM
It was sixty below.
DAVID
Sixty below what?
BILL
Not below nuttin’. Just below—see?
[_He gesticulates vividly, placing his hand parallel to the floor at the level of his ankles._]
Dat was w’ere I caught cold. I gotta sneeze.
SLIM
Now!... Now!... Now!
DAVID
Oh, let him sneeze!
[BILL _sneezes_.]
God bless you!
BILL
Much obliged.
DAVID
That’s all right. I always say “God bless you” when anybody sneezes.
SLIM
[_Returning to the main topic._]
We’re gonna take care of yuh—me an’ Bill.
BILL
We’re gonna take yuh fer a long ride.
DAVID
Are we going to the North Pole?
BILL
Foider den dat.
[_Approaching him._]
But you gotta keep quiet!
DAVID
[_With a nod of comprehension._]
I know; you don’t want to frighten the reindeer.
SLIM
[_Alarmed._]
De w’ich?
DAVID
Blixen and Vixen—
BILL
W’at?
DAVID
—And Prancer and Dancer—
SLIM
[_Decidedly worried, to_ BILL.]
Did youse see any of dem guys w’en yuh come in?
BILL
Maybe dey was under cover.
[_To_ DAVID.]
Say, kid, w’ere do dey keep?
DAVID
[_Puzzled._]
Keep?
BILL
W’ere do dey hang out? W’ere do dey park? W’ere’s deir stampin’-ground?
DAVID
Oh, outside!
BILL
[_To_ SLIM.]
I told yuh de house was watched!
DAVID
[_Quoting some book._]
“Drawing Santa Claus from his home in the North, reindeer, swifter than the wind, swift as light—”
SLIM
[_Beginning to understand._]
Hey! I get him now! He’s talkin’ about a noo kind of flivver!
DAVID
“Swifter even than dreams, sturdy and strong, champing at their bits, sparks coming from their nostrils—”
BILL
[_Nodding._]
De kid’s got de right dope, Slim.
[_To_ DAVID.]
Dey’re waitin’ fer us outside: balloon tires, an’ four-w’eel brakes, an’ sparks just w’ere yuh said. Come on.
DAVID
[_Going toward the window._]
They’re in a big hurry, aren’t they? They know we’re coming, Santa Claus. They can’t wait for us! I hear them shaking their sleigh bells!
[_Sleigh bells are audible._]
BILL
[_Much alarmed._]
Do yuh hear dat, Slim?
DAVID
[_With glee._]
Sleigh bells!
SLIM
Shh!
[_They hide in corners of the room._ DAVID _cannot understand their actions; he looks about, puzzled. Then a ten-year-old girl, wearing a harness covered with sleigh bells, appears at the window._]
BESSIE
[_Softly._]
Bill!
[_More loudly._]
Bill! Bill!
[_She spies_ DAVID.]
Is he here?
[DAVID _nods silently, and indicates with his thumb where_ BILL _is hiding_. BESSIE _climbs into the room, bells jangling_.]
Bill, we found yuh!
[_Climbing through the window come seven more children, in decreasing sizes. The smaller ones are helped by the larger, and the smallest, which is but an infant, is carried by one of the others._]
A BABBLE OF TALK
Hey, give us a hand, Pete!
Look out!
Yuh’ll fall!
Mind de baby!
Gimme a good push!
Hey, you, Woodrow, quit yer crowdin’!
Up yuh go!
[_Now that they are all in the room, we may pause to inspect them. They are all badly dressed. Their clothes are torn and shabby; their stockings are full of holes; and they average about three quarters of a glove to every hand. But they are all extraordinarily happy, and not at all shy about showing it. And being_ BILL’S _younger brothers and sisters, they are as tough as the proverbial nails_.]
BILL
[_Emerging from his concealment, looking decidedly sheepish._]
How did youse get here?
BESSIE
We seen yuh go, an’ we run after yuh.
BILL
All of youse?
BESSIE
[_Nodding._]
Maggie carried de baby.
MAGGIE
See brudder’s funny face, baby?
SLIM
[_Coming out, and speaking with boundless contempt._]
Dat’s de last time I tackle a job along wit’ a fambly man!
BESSIE