XXIII.

“WHAT IS TRUTH?”

--_John_ xviii. 38.

“Pilate saith to Him: What is truth? And when he said this he went out.”

Too often, O Lord, in my dealings with You I am like Pilate. Moved by Your grace to desire the things that are for my peace, I come to You to know my way: “_What shall I do to possess everlasting life?_”[69] “_Make the way known to me, wherein I should walk._”[70] “_Teach me to do Thy will, for Thou art my God._”[71] And when I have said this I go out. I do not wait to hear an answer which may exact more of me than I am prepared to give. I am afraid to remain in Your Presence, lest You should beckon whither I am not willing to follow. And so I ask lightly: “What is truth?” without waiting to hear what the Lord my God will speak in me.[72]

How much more readily I pray for light than for strength. “_Lord, that I may see!_” And when the scales begin to fall from my eyes, I turn away lest I should find what I am seeking.

It is not Your way, O Lord, to constrain our free will. You meet us half-way, more than half-way by a great deal. But You have decreed that further and more abundant grace, the grace that is efficacious, shall be the reward of correspondence. If we withhold this, we enter upon a terrible contest between Your invitation on the one hand and the shrinking of nature on the other.

“Pilate saith to Him: What is truth? And when he had said this he went out again to the Jews and said to them: I find no cause in Him.... Then Pilate took Jesus and scourged Him.... And went forth again and saith to the Jews: Behold I bring Him forth unto you that you may know that I find no cause in Him.... Take Him you and crucify Him for I find no cause in Him.... The Jews answered: He ought to die because He made Himself the Son of God. When Pilate therefore had heard this saying he feared the more. And he entered into the hall again and said to Jesus: Whence art Thou? But Jesus gave him no answer. From thenceforth Pilate sought to release Him.... And he saith to the Jews: Behold your King.... Then he delivered Him to them to be crucified.”

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Oh, the agony of mind, the risk, the misery we bring upon ourselves by our vacillations and trifling with grace! Surely the remedy is to gain by prayer strength proportioned to the light God gives. It is as easy for Him to give the one as the other, for “there is none strong like our God”.[73] But I must ask, for “strength cometh from Heaven”.[74] “Ask and it shall be given to you.” “God is my strong One, in Him will I trust ... my rock, and my strength, and my Saviour.”[75] He will not leave me in my weakness. If He shows me His ways, He will give me strength to walk in them. “My God is made my strength.”[76]

[69] Luke xviii.

[70] Psa. cxlii.

[71] _Ibid._

[72] Psa. lxxxiv.

[73] 1 Kings ii.

[74] 1 Mach. iii.

[75] 2 Kings xxii.

[76] Isa. xlix.