CHAPTER VIII

OUR GOVERNESS

"HERE are your pupils, Miss Garton. I am ashamed of their appearance, but you will see how they need somebody to take them in charge."

I looked up in confusion, and put my sticky hands behind my back.

"If you had come ten minutes later, Aunt Isobel," I said, "you would have found us in beautiful order. We've been working hard all the afternoon to get tidy, but we're just in the middle of an accident."

"Yes," Lynette chimed in, "and it's all spoilt now. I wish we'd gone off with the boys and left the horrid old room to tidy itself."

Miss Garton was a surprise to us. She was very tall, and—yes, I can use no other word—very beautiful. She had large dark eyes, and fair hair, and a sweet smile. She looked round the room and not at us, and that was nice of her, for it gave us time to dab our faces with our handkerchiefs and get some of the paste off, and then she said very pleasantly:

"I think our schoolroom is delightfully tidy, and what a dear old room it is!"

"It was our nursery when we were small," Aunt Isobel said, and the sad soft look came into her eyes that I love to see, for it reminds me of mother.

Miss Garton walked to the window to look-out.

I picked up the chair and paste-bowl, and got a cloth to wipe up the mess on the carpet.

Aunt Isobel left the room, and Lynette dashed away to tidy herself.

Then Miss Garton turned round and smiled upon me.

"Are you the eldest of my pupils?" she asked.

And then she took my hand in hers, and gave it a little pat.

"Are we going to be friends, Grisel?"

I don't know why, but a lump came in my throat, and the tears to my eyes. It suddenly seemed to me that I had been struggling alone for ages to do what was right, and now somebody kind and loving and strong was going to help me and take me by the hand.

I looked up at her.

"Oh, Miss Garton," I said, "don't believe we're as bad as we look. We all want to be good, and to hold fast to what father taught us, but accidents, and misfortunes, and all kinds of horrid things happen to put us, and keep us, in disgrace. And Lynette is 'such' a dear when you know her. And Puff is his darling funny self, and the boys—they really are the nicest boys I've ever seen. We didn't come here with bad characters. Our village was quite fond of us; I don't know how we're so bad here. It is such a stiff cold house! I think—I think it is because we feel that nobody cares for us now. It makes us feel nothing matters!"

I couldn't help telling her all that, for I hoped she would understand.

And she did. She laughed a happy little laugh.

"Why, Grisel," she said, "it isn't very long ago that I was your age, and I had six brothers. Do you think I don't know what boys are like, and girls too? I think it's splendid of you staying in on this fine afternoon to tidy up this dear old schoolroom. I don't think I should have done it! Now do you think you could show me my room?"

I went along the passage at once. I was awfully happy, and when I had shown her her room, I dashed into our bedroom and cried out to Lynette:

"She's splendid, lovely, stunning! Oh, I love her with all my heart!"

Lynette was tying her hair up with her best Sunday ribbon. She looked at me with merry eyes.

"She's caught you very cleverly, Grisel!"

"She hasn't caught me at all. You must have liked her, Lynette. You couldn't help it!"

"I'll wait and see," said Lynette, nodding with her provoking smile. "A governess is bound to be beastly, as I told you. She may be smiling outside, but inside she's chock full of rules and proper ways!"

We did not see Miss Garton till tea-time, and then the boys were back. We hastily told them what she was like. They pretended it had nothing to do with them, but I noticed that both Denys and Aylwin sneaked away and washed their hands and gave themselves a brush up before they came to tea, and they don't always do that—not when we're alone. I always clean up Puff for every meal. I simply have to, for his hands get quite smelly.

Miss Garton came to tea, and Denys shook hands with her with his best manners.

"Hope you don't mind us grubbing with you, but we're off to school very soon, and then the girls will have the schoolroom to themselves."

"But there's me left," piped Puff in his shrill tone; "I'm not a girl."

"You're less than nothing," said Lynette scoffingly—"hardly a cipher; a shortsighted person wouldn't see you."

Puff began to snort and stammer.

"I shall have my tea with grandfather. He doesn't think I'm not nothing. He tells me to come and see him whenever I like. I shall tell him it's nothing but girls up here, and he and me will live in his room togever."

"Shut up, young snorter!" said Aylwin. And he gave him a kick under the table, which Puff dodged, and poor Miss Garton got it instead.

"We seem rather cramped for room under our table," she remarked.

Aylwin got scarlet.

"Sorry, but Puff is such a little beast when he gets on his high horse!"

After this we got on better. She talked quite naturally, and asked us lots of questions about the walks, and the sea, and before we came to bed, the boys acknowledged that she wasn't half bad, and I liked her better and better every moment. And now these last few days before the boys go to school, she seems to think of and do everything for us all. She took Peggy's work-basket from her, and darned the boys' stockings like lightning. I came into the room this afternoon and found her still at it.

We had been in the boys' room helping them pack. Denys pretends he is an awfully good packer, but he isn't, for he doesn't fill up the corners as he goes, and then crams all kinds of things down in them at the end. I came away at last, for they were all making the most awful noise, so that I got quite a headache. And the schoolroom looked so quiet and peaceful that I was quite glad I had left them.

I got hold of my work-box and asked Miss Garton to let me help her. I told her I used to do all the stockings at home, but Peggy had taken them away from me here.

"And that's what is the matter," I said. "We're all treated as if we are troublesome, naughty children, and must be kept out of sight. Aunt Isobel hardly comes near us, and we only see grandfather about once or twice a week. And I have always felt—well, responsible—and useful, and able to understand the reason of things, when father or the aunts talked to me. Here, we lose heart, at least I do. There's nothing to do for others. We have it all done for us. Lynette used to mend her own clothes, and we used to sit together and do our mending and tell stories. Here she never sits still at all. She gets wilder than ever, and throws her torn clothes down on the floor for Peggy to pick up and take away. I'm getting nearly as bad myself."

Miss Garton handed me a pair of Puff's stockings to mend, and she nodded as if she understood me.

"Yes, I know how you must feel, Grisel, but you must pull yourself together. Why should you leave off being helpful and useful? You tell me you want to hold fast to all that your father taught you—"

"Yes," I broke in, "but it's too difficult; I can't do it. And we quarrel so, Miss Garton. We never used to."

Tears crowded in my eyes. I really had come away from the boys because they told me I was a "double-distilled prig and fusser."

"Well, I know what will put matters right," said Miss Garton cheerfully.

"Do tell me."

"Yes, I will. We will have a talk together on Sunday when the boys are gone."

I think Miss Garton said this because Lynette dashed into the room. That's the worst of it. There are such a lot of us, and only one room to live in; we get in each other's way, and we can't get alone. Though this is quite a castle compared with our old home, yet it seems cramped and small, because we have only one corner of it. We're all right out of doors, but we have had a lot of wet weather and storms, and it's indoors where we quarrel.

"Puff has gone off down the front stairs to grandfather's study," said Lynette. "I told him he wasn't to. Denys boxed his ears because he checked him, and first he roared and cried, and then he said he'd go and tell grandfather. He simply took no notice of me. Puff is getting awful."

"We all are!" I said gloomily. "Let him go to grandfather; he won't mind. He spoils Puff!"

"I think perhaps poor Puff has too many managing him," said Miss Garton quietly. "I haven't begun to try my hand yet. You don't give me a chance. I have been watching you all. You mean well, but the sweetest temper would be spoiled by so much snubbing and managing!"

Lynette stared at Miss Garton. She stood by the window pulling the blind up and down, for she never can keep still.

"Do you think we're unkind to Puff?" she asked.

"I think you're rather hard upon him."

This was a new idea to both of us. I looked at Lynette, and she looked at me. Then she flew out of the room. I knew she had gone to tell the boys what Miss Garton had said. In a minute or two, we had Puff stamping along the passage, and then in they all came. Puff's eyes were sparkling. He was triumphant.

"I told of you, and grandfather says I shan't see you again till the summer holidays, and I'm glad of it!"

"You little sneak!" said Aylwin. "You ought to go to school. You'd get it hot for blabbing!"

I was just going to scold Puff for telling tales, but I stopped. I felt that we were always scolding him, and that Miss Garton was right.

"We're packed," announced Denys. "Peggy is pretending to finish, but we've left her nothing to do, and now we're just going to have a run along the beach."

"Let the girls go with you," said Miss Garton cheerfully, "and Puff can stay with me."

Puff looked at her doubtfully, but she smiled at him. And we left him settling down happily at the schoolroom table with his box of soldiers.

As Lynette and I were putting on our coats and hats I said:

"Miss Garton always lets us be free when she can. That's why I love her."

"Yes, she isn't like most governesses," said Lynette. "I wish she would make Puff not quite such a little beast."

Then we joined the boys and we had a jolly time. Just before we came home to tea, I was alone with Denys, and I was glad of it.

"Shall you be in the same form as Pat?" I asked.

"How can I tell! I rather hope so. He'll keep us lively."

"But, Denys, you won't let him—I mean, you will remember—" I stopped. Somehow it was getting very difficult to speak to the boys.

Denys looked at me and laughed.

"Go ahead, Grizzy! Rub it in."

"Oh, Denys!" I cried miserably. "You used to help me. You know what father said; we used to try to serve God together, and now we all seem to be living—just anyhow. I know I don't 'hold fast' any better than you do. I get angry, and do everything I oughtn't to do. But I thought at school you might help Aylwin by reminding him, and don't do what Pat wants you to do, if it isn't right. I do feel that father sent his message by me—that's why I 'rub it in,' as you call it. And I don't want to be a prig."

Tears were crowding to my eyes. I turned my head quickly away so that Denys shouldn't see them.

"All serene!" Denys said cheerfully. "You've given us the charge, Grizzy, and it's our look-out if we keep it. We don't want to be nagged at, you know. I shall remember 'H.F.' It's a pity—"

He stopped short, then waved his cap with a flourish.

"I'm inspired, Grizzy. Halloo, Aylwin, you're wanted! Now, you girls, go on off home. We've private business on."

He pulled hold of Alywin, and they both tore off along the beach in the direction of some fishermen's cottages. We were most indignant.

"It's too bad of them," said Lynette; "let's go after them."

"No," I said; "they don't want us. They'll only be furious if we follow them."

"Well, we'll just have a paddle," suggested Lynette; "it will be lovely; come on."

"It will be too cold," I said, "and Miss Garton expects us back to tea at five, and it's nearly half-past four now."

I showed her my watch—mother's watch, which I always wore.

She made a grimace, but I got her to go back to the house with me.

I thought that Denys had run off from me to stop me preaching at him, and I felt rather down about it.

When we got up to the schoolroom, Puff met us with a radiant face.

"I've been hearing jolly stunning stories, much better than yours, Grizzy. Me and Miss Garton are fren's."

"I'm glad to hear it," I said.

Miss Garton was out of the room.

"And she says I can spell wonderful. We've had a game with letters. She's got a funny little box of them, and we jumble the letters up and make words."

I sat down by the fire. The schoolroom always looks comfortable at tea-time, and I felt very tired. Puff, seeing I was rather silent, put his head on one side and looked at me, just like some saucy sparrow.

"Are you feeling good or evil, Grizzy?"

I couldn't help laughing.

"You're a little imp, Puff! I'm feeling sorry that the boys are going away."

"I'm not. I'm glad, orf'lly glad. I'll have a room to myself, and they shan't kick me out of bed in the morning any more. And grandfather is going to give me a pony. I told him to, and he said 'yes.' And he says I may call him Gruffy!"

"Oh, Puff, I don't believe it!"

"He did; he said he liked it. And when I get tired of living with girls and womans, he told me to come downstairs to him. And Gruffy and me like to be together. It's ripping!"

Puff's confidences stopped here, for Peggy came in with the tea.

The boys were a quarter of an hour late for it, but they came to the table looking full of mystery, and we couldn't get out of them where they had been.

"We've been having some rites performed," Aylwin said importantly.

"You've been ducked in the sea by somebody!" guessed Lynette.

They shook their heads. After tea, they went down to grandfather's study. He wanted to see them, for they would be going to school early the next morning before he was up, and it was a good-bye visit.

They came upstairs delighted.

"We took our pills, and then had the jam," said Denys, opening his hand and showing us a golden sovereign.

Aylwin had the same. I think it was noble of grandfather to give it to them. I expect he lectured them. Aylwin said he did, but they didn't tell us what he said.

It was just before they went to bed that they showed Lynette and me what they had been doing.

Denys rolled up his shirt-sleeve, and there, above his left wrist, was tattooed in blue—"H.F."

Aylwin had the same. I was simply delighted. Lynette didn't know at first what it was. They had got an old sailor to do it for them. We knew him well, for he had shown us his arms, which were just like scrap-books. They were simply covered with letters and pictures!

"Oh, I think it is splendid!" I said.

"Branded for life!" said Aylwin. "I don't know that I quite like it, only nobody will know what it means—that's a comfort, and if they ask I shall say 'Happy Fellow.'"

"Or 'Happy Fool,'" Lynette suggested.

I couldn't laugh. I thought of them going about, not only at school, but afterwards when they're grown-up, and in the army and in battle, and when they're older still, and perhaps fathers of families and getting old men, always able to look at their arm and read "Hold Fast." How it will remind them!

"Why, Grizzy, what big eyes!" said Denys. "Now there'll be no need of jawing at us ever again. You'll have lost your vocation."

"Oh!" I said, drawing a long breath. "I think it is lovely."

And then I made up my mind at once that I would be tattooed too. Lynette seemed to guess my thoughts.

"We must all be done!" she said. "Of course we must. Hurrah for 'H.F.'! 'H.F.' for ever!"

And then she danced round the room, and the boys began to romp after her, and dragged me into it. And when Miss Garton came in, she said she could hardly see us for the dust we were making.

The schoolroom carpet is old, and hasn't been very well swept, we say. But Peggy says we would raise the dust out of polished floors-which of course is nonsense!

When Miss Garton heard about the boys' arms, she told us that we must not copy them.

"Why?" Lynette asked. "It is to make us good, and keep us good, without any jawing from anybody!"

"You are girls," said Miss Garton. "When you are grown-up, you will have bare arms in evening dress, and the letters would look ugly."

"But we shouldn't mind," I urged; "it would be cowardly of us if we minded telling people what it was."

"Let the letters sink into your hearts and stay there," she said; "that is the best place for them."

I was awfully disappointed. Lynette pursed up her mouth and said nothing. I felt she wouldn't give up the idea, but we began talking about other things, and nothing more was said about it.

Now the boys have gone. It is dreadful without them. But we're starting lessons, and I see that Miss Garton means to keep us hard at work. She says we're dreadfully backward for our ages, and I know we are. She makes all our lessons very interesting. Even Lynette likes learning with her. And Puff is as good as a little cherub. The only troublesome thing about him is that he is always running off to grandfather. Grandfather encourages him to do it. Sometimes they walk up and down the terrace together, and Puff is the talker and grandfather the listener. He always calls him Gruffy now, and grandfather calls him the Bantam.

Miss Garton had to go downstairs and fetch him once. He ran away in lesson time, and she is very punctual and particular about the hours we work and the hours we play. The day after the boys went, Lynette and I went out into the garden by ourselves. I went to my favourite seat in the old rose garden. Lynette came with me, but she soon rushed off, and then I saw nothing of her for more than an hour. When she came into the schoolroom, she was limping.

"The boys never told us it hurt!" she said.

"Oh, Lynette, you've been tattooed on your leg!" I cried.

She nodded, then pulled down her stocking, and on the front of her foot she showed me a large "H.F."

I did not know whether I envied her or not.

"You can't show it to people," I said.

"Well, why should I? We don't go about and brag about it, do we? We don't shout out, 'Hold Fast' all day long."

"No. But you won't be reminded of it like the boys are. You will only see it when you go to bed and when you get up."

"That's just the time I want to see it, when I say my prayers. It belongs to them. It's religious."

Lynette always puts things so funnily.

"I want to be reminded of it in the middle of the day," I said.

"So shall I be when I paddle in the sea," said Lynette. "And anyhow, I'm branded with it for ever and ever."

Then I began to want it too—but I didn't like the idea of having it on my foot. Miss Garton was not pleased when she heard of what Lynette had done.

"I thought I had reasonable girls to deal with," she said. "You are too independent for your age, Lynette. Must I positively forbid you, Grisel, to have your foot done?"

"No," I said, "if you say I'd better not, I won't. But I can't help liking the idea of it very much."

Miss Garton smiled at me.

"There's a romantic touch, isn't there, Grisel? But I'm perfectly certain that if anybody is branded with those words upon her heart and brain it is you! So there is no need to stoop to such a common device as this to keep it ever in your mind."

Lynette didn't like the idea of a "common device" at all. "It isn't at all a common thing to be tattooed," she said; "it's quite uncommon. There's only one man in this place who could do it for us. And you might go to hundred of towns in England, and search all over London, and even then perhaps not find a man to do it for you. I was simply longing to have a rose marked on me. He said roses were the flowers for English girls, and the thistle for Scotch ones. But it hurt rather, and I told him the letters were quite enough for this time."

I tried to comfort myself with Miss Garton's words, but I didn't feel quite happy till Sunday came. We went to church in the morning. It was a lovely day, almost like summer, so bright and warm, and in the afternoon Miss Garton took us for a walk. Lynette and Puff got two of the dogs which are kept in the stable, and when they were racing on over the common with them, Miss Garton began to talk to me. She does speak so beautifully, and understands before you can begin to tell her what your difficulties are.

"I know, Grisel. I think it is almost the hardest time in our lives when we are very young, and we try to be good. There are so many rules and regulations which get broken through sheer forgetfulness. And we get misunderstood, and are sometimes accused unjustly, and then we lose heart, and feel it is no good to go on trying."

"Yes," I said eagerly, "that's just it. We all want to 'hold fast,' Miss Garton. If you talked to us when we were quiet and sitting down, we would all say we meant to do it every day, but things always happen to make us excited, and then we forget. And here it does seem more difficult. There were always father's sermons at home on Sunday, but here—well, you can't say the sermon this morning could help us. I tried and tried to listen, but I simply didn't understand a word of it.

"Father preached just like he talked. Everything was easy at home, we used to go and see the old villagers and read to them when they were ill, and I had a Sunday class of tinies, and teaching them to be good, helped me to be, myself. And then we could always go and tell father anything that worried us.

"Father is expecting us to hold fast to all he taught us, and God expects it too, and I don't believe any of us will do it, not really properly! I suppose when we are grown-up, it will be easy, but perhaps we shall have forgotten all about it by that time."

Miss Garton gave her little low laugh, which I always love to hear.

"Poor little Grisel! And, in addition to your own efforts after goodness, you feel you are responsible for all the rest. I wonder if you have caught your father's true meaning? Shall I tell you what I think would make your upward path very easy?"

"Oh, do! I feel nothing will make it easy now."

"Do you remember this little verse in the Bible:

"'I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee'?"

"I think I've heard it," I said.

"Now don't you think, if you know that the Lord has taken hold of your hand, that you will let Him help you through your difficulties? 'Hold fast' to His Hand—that is what you have got to do. It is hard to 'hold fast' to righteousness, but if you hold fast to a strong and loving Hand, you will be like a little child led by its father. You won't be allowed to tumble."

I could not speak. It seemed to come upon me in a flash that I had forgotten all about God's help, and that I had been trying to be good without Him.

"Oh, Miss Garton," I gasped, "that is lovely!"

I couldn't say more. A lump came in my throat. I thought that Jesus Christ had been holding out His Hand all this time for us to hold fast to, and we had been pushing it away, and trying to be good by ourselves.

Lynette and Puff came racing back, and we had no more talk, but it was quite enough. And when we got home, I went off to my favourite place by mother's doll's grave, and then I sat down on the seat and I looked up into the blue sky, and I asked God to take my hand into His and keep it. I felt that I put it into His, and that He took it. And I never had such a happy Sunday as I had after that. I longed to tell Lynette about it, but I had to wait till we came to bed.

When I told her, she didn't seem much impressed.

"You mean, Grisel, that father meant that we should hold fast to Jesus Christ's Hand. How do you know he meant that?"

"It's all so easy if we do, Lynette; we shall 'hold fast' to all the rest if we have our hand in His. We shan't feel as if it is too difficult to be good, and He will remind us if we forget."

"I have my foot," said Lynette, turning down her stocking at once, and looking thoughtfully at the "H.F." upon it.

"That won't help you," I said; "oh, Lynette, do think seriously!"

"I am," she returned, "but I wasn't born so good as you, Grisel. God put a special little bit of goodness in you, when He made you. And He either forgot, or didn't think me worth the trouble? I never, never, 'never', if I live to be a hundred years old, shall be as good as you, and—and I'm not sure that I want to be."

"I'm not good," I said quickly, "but I want to be."

"Yes, that's just the difference. You always want to be; I only want to be sometimes. But now Pat and the boys are away, there is nobody to lark round with, and we shall be 'very' dull and 'very' good till they come back."

I said no more, but I knew that Lynette could never be dull, and I doubted if she would be "very" good till the summer holidays. I knew I should not.

And the very next day she got into an awful scrape.