CHAPTER XIII.

“Twenty Thousand; or, Tom Truelove’s Journal”--“London and the Lottery”--“The Persian Ambassador”--“An Enigma”--“Gently over the Stones.”

“TWENTY THOUSAND;

OR, TOM TRUELOVE’S JOURNAL.

’Twas past meridian, half-past four, _Good Luck_, I thought I’d try to nick it, At six, up _Cornhill channel_ wore, And bought of BISH a Lott’ry _Ticket_; At seven, home with my ticket sped, At eight, _in air built many a house_, and At nine I supp’d and went to bed, And dreamt at ten of _Twenty Thousand_.

'Rose six a.m. with hope agog, In hopes of having pretty pickings, O’erhaul’d, at seven, Fortune’s log, And _counted_, tho’ _not hatch’d, my chickens_. At eight, absorb’d by Fancy’s power, For breakfast scarcely cared _a sous_, and At nine, heard Church clock strike the hour I hop’d would bring me _Twenty Thousand_.

At ten, I went to _Coopers Hall_, To see them draw the Blanks and Prizes, Eleven, my number heard ’em call-- Here, in my bosom transport rises. The Hall, I, ere _meridian_, left, (Your expectation I arouse, and Will satisfy) of care bereft, I found my chance was _Twenty Thousand_.

At one, I sought the gen’rous lass, Who long for me and love had tarried, And told her what had come to pass; At two, we settled to be married; At three, we bought the wedding-ring, At four, resolved to take a house, and Till five, did nought but dance and sing, For joy of getting _Twenty Thousand_.

At six, saw BISH, my prize he paid, In _gold_, with such polite behaviour, It seem’d--tho’ he’d my fortune made, As if I’d done him some great favour At seven, with cargo, sail I set, (My thoughts in Hope’s delights carouse) and At eight again my girl I met, And, in her lap, threw _Twenty Thousand_.

Next morn, at nine (the licence bought), I rigg’d, and in my house I waited; At ten, in consort _Church_ we sought, And, at eleven, we were mated. And I, while rapture fill’d each sense, At twelve saluted Polly’s _bows_, and With grateful heart thank’d Providence, Who gave me her, and _Twenty Thousand_.”

Here is another of Bish’s Handbills for 1810:--

“LONDON AND THE LOTTERY.

_By a_ RARITY HUNTER.

O! LONDON’S a wonderful city, In wonderful wonders abounding, Some astonishment raise, and some pity, And all faculties some are confounding; For instance, there’s _Westminster Hall_, Where at puzzle-cap pleaders play well, sir; Black _white_ and white _black_ often call, By the rule of the oyster and shell, sir. Rum ti iddity, etc.

_Guildhall_, too, with wonder one treads, Where the two _wooden giants_ stand guard, sir And besides _theirs_, enough _wooden heads_ You’ll find, if you search every Ward, sir; These giants are guards of the _clock_, And you’ll own that’s a _time-serving station_; But each sticks to his _place_ like a stock, As all time servers do in the nation. Rum ti iddity, etc.

At the new _Auction Mart_ you next stare, Which, a fine place we’re bid to consider; Like political consciences, where All things are knock’d down to best bidder; The fam’d _Stock Exchange_ then you view, Where there’s plenty of bother and bubble, And ’twere well if Stock Jobbers, a few, Were set in the _Stocks_ for their trouble. Rum ti iddity, etc.

The Bank your attention receives, Where Fortune holds court for her minions; And _Bank Notes_, like fam’d _Sybilline Leaves_, _Faith_ makes current for “_golden opinions_.” The _Parliament House_ awe creates, That guard ’gainst the strong of the weaker; Where they hold ev’ry day _long_ Debates, Which is odd, as they have but _one Speaker_. Rum ti iddity, etc.

There’s _St. Paul’s_, too, and _Westminster Abbey_, To the curious to see ’em a feast ’tis; There’s the _Monument_, crazy and shabby, And the _Tower_ where they show the wild _Beastes_. The _British Museum_ Fame sings, All rarities there they receive ’em; And they tell you such wonderful things! And you, if you like, may believe ’em. Rum ti iddity, etc.

There’s one _Cooper’s Hall_ I forgot, Where the Lott’ry they draw every year, sir; And the 8th of next June, on that spot, They’ll draw it again, as I hear, sir; And then there’s a house on _Cornhill_, Where a man they call BISH advertises, That he _there_, or at _Charing Cross_ will Sell most of the _Capital Prizes_. Rum ti iddity, etc.”

To show how keenly Bish looked after anything on which he could hang an advertisement, read the following, which must have been written before June 8, 1810, as that date is given on the back of the handbill, as the drawing of the lottery. No doubt the coming of an ambassador from Persia created almost as great a sensation as that of the Shah in June, 1873, and his Excellency Mirza Abdul Hassan, envoy extraordinary from the Shah of Persia to the Court of Great Britain, reached these shores on November 30, 1809, had an audience of George III., and presented his credentials on December 20. Sir Gore Ouseley, the celebrated Persian scholar, attended on him during his stay in this country.

“THE PERSIAN AMBASSADOR.

By the TOWN CRIER.

TUNE--“_The Frog in an Opera Hat_.”

The Persian Ambassador’s come to town; Heigho! says Boney; He’s a person of rank and renown, Says in Persia they’ll knock all French politics down, With their _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, gammon and spinach too; Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

To see the Ambassador all the folks run, Heigho! says Boney; 'He has sixty-three children,’ says Boney, 'well done! What a devil of a fellow! while I haven’t _one_! With my _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, Josephine and others too,’ Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

Till presented he’d been he could not go about; Heigho! says Boney. So he went to the _Court_, while the folks made a rout, And being presented, had leave to go out, With a _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, Johnny Bull, how d’ye do? Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

To the Op’ra the Persian Ambassador went; Heigho! says Boney; He said, to go often it was his intent, For he liked it so much, he scarce knew what it meant, With his _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, Naldi and Vestris too, Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

To the Play-house the Persian Ambassador hied; Heigho! says Boney; At the sorrows of _Lear_ he sobb’d and he sigh’d, And then at the Pantomime laughed till he cried, With their _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, Joey Grimaldi too, Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

With the East India Company next he din’d; Heigho! says Boney; To shew him all honour their Worships designed, So some walked before him, and others behind, With their _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, tit-bits and turtle too, Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

At the Bank he found _Specie_ was scarce in the place; Ho! ho! says Boney; But they shew’d him a vast many '_Notes_ on the case,’ By that learned Annotator on Cash, Henry Hase, With his _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, Water Mark Promise too, Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

To what place next will his Excellence hie? Heigho! says Boney; Perhaps, if he means his good fortune to try, To BISH’S, a Lottery Ticket to buy, With his _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, good lucky Number too, Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

If a Prize the Ambassador chances to bank, Heigho! says Boney; And no doubt MR. BISH, to a man of his rank, Wouldn’t so impolite be as to sell him a blank: With his _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, Capital prizes too, Heigho! says Emperor Boney.

If a best Prize he gets, in A, B, C, or D, Heigho! says Boney; Won’t matter, no doubt quite contented he’ll be, And at going, say, 'Johnny Bull, thank ye for me,’ With a _Parlez vous_, _Voulez vous_, 'Bish, I’ll remember you,’ Heigho! says Emperor Boney.”

An ENIGMA.

To one-fourth of a passion which governs mankind Add a circle, and part of my meaning you’ll find; To these let one-fourth of the killer of kings, The subverter of empires, and all human things, Be united; and then if two-thirds of a drink Used in Europe and China, is added, I think The best part of the puzzle you’ll guess very well. One-third of a West Indian spirit then tell; And if, to all these, the last letter but one In the Alphabet’s added, the puzzle is done. If you place all these rightly, the means will be clear, How an income to gain of five thousand a year.

EXPLANATION.

Soft Love is the passion which governs mankind, And an =L= is the fourth of that word you will find. The circle’s an =O=; and the killer of kings, The subverter of empires and all human things, Is TIME; now the fourth of this word is a =T=; And the drink used in Europe and China is TEA, Two-thirds of which word are explain’d by =TE=. The West Indian spirit is RUM, I declare, One-third of which word by an =R= is made clear: And, as the last letter but one is a =Y=. The whole put together will form LOTTERY. Now _Five_ Twenty Thousands the Scheme doth contain, And the whole of these Prizes five Tickets may gain, If bought of one number: and thus, it is clear, That an income you’ll gain of five thousand a year.

“_Gently over the Stones._”

The Ancients used to mark all lucky Days with a _White Stone_; now _Blackstone_ was a Judge, and could tell you that _Blue Stone_ is not half so corrosive as poverty, which brings a man’s nose to the _Grindstone_, while Riches make his Happiness durable as _Free Stone_. Now, under this heap of Stones a Truth is hidden, which will be powerfully elucidated on the 8th of June, the near approach of which should be a _Whetstone_ to all who intend purchasing a lucky Number, which, as the Scheme proves, may produce _Mill-Stones_ in Gold, _Precious Stones_ in Jewels; and, in short, holds out so many _astonishing_ advantages, that _no Stone_ should be left unturned to procure a Share of them.