Part 11
“Tear me not in this fashion, Gabriel!”
But the man was hard of hearing, knew not what she said, thrust his yard into her, and futtered her dog-fashion.... The eye is ne’er too weary to see, nor the backside to fizzle, nor the nose to take snuff, nor the coynte to lose the chance of a goodly futter.... But this by way of a prelude ... a foreword.
* * * * *
Once there lived a pope,[84] who possessed a daughter, a virgin and an artless. And when summer came the pope was wont to hire workmen to mow the hay; and he hired them in this wise:
[84] A priest of the Greek Church.
If his daughter pissed o’er the haycock which the workman had mown, the man went wageless. Workmen a-plenty hired themselves to the pope, but, one and all, they laboured wageless; the daughter, whatsoe’er the height of the haycock, pissed o’er it.
Yet another workman and a bold did accept the conditions; if the pope’s daughter pissed o’er the haycock which he had mown, no claim for his work would he make. Then mowed the workman his hay; when he had mown it and set it in a heap, he lay down beside the haycock, drew forth his yard from his drawers, and fell to toying with it. The pope’s daughter drew nigh to the workman to scrutinise the haycock, cast a glance at him, and said:
“What dost thou, little peasant?”
“I rub my comb.”
“What dost comb with this comb of thine?”
“Come--I will comb thee. Lie down on the hay.”
The pope’s daughter lay down on the hay, the workman fell to combing her, and he winnowed her as was proper. Anon the young girl rose up and said:
“What a delicious comb!”
Afterwards she sought to piss o’er the haycock; of no avail; she did piss upon herself, as it might run from a sieve. Seeking out her father, she spake him, saying:
“The haycock is too high; I may not piss o’er it.”
“Ah! my daughter! here in sooth is a goodly workman. I will hire him for a year.”
And when the workman came to receive his wage, the pope said:
“Friend, hire thyself to me for a year.”
“I am willing,” quoth the workman; and he hired himself to the pope. Most contented, too, was the pope’s daughter, and when night came she sought the workman, saying:
“Comb me.”
“Nay, I will not comb thee for nought. Give me one hundred roubles. Buy the comb.”
The pope’s daughter gave him one hundred roubles, and nightly he combed her.
Came a time when the workman fell out with the pope, saying:
“Render me my wage, little father.”
His wage rendered, the workman went his way. Now the pope’s daughter was not present when these things were done, but when she returned to the house she inquired:
“Where is the workman?”
“He demanded his wage and is gone forthwith to the village,” quoth the pope.
“Ah! little father! what hast thou done? He hath carried off my comb!” cried the pope’s daughter.
She hastened in pursuit, and came upon him by a little stream; the workman had tucked up his drawers and was fording the stream.
“Give me my comb!” cried the pope’s daughter.
The workman took a stone and cast it into the water.
“Pick it up,” said he; and, passing to the other side of the stream, went his way.
The pope’s daughter tucked up her petticoat, entered the water, and sought the comb. She rummaged at the bottom of the stream. No comb.
Chanced to pass a lord, who cried to her:
“What seekest, little dove?”
“My comb! I have purchased it from a workman for one hundred roubles; departing, he carried it off with him. Him I pursued, and he cast the comb in the water.”
The lord descended from his carriage, removed his breeches, and entered the water in search of the comb. They searched; together they searched. On a sudden the pope’s daughter perceived that a yard hung ‘twixt the lord’s legs. She seized it with both hands, gripped it fast, and cried:
“Shame on thee, lord! ‘Tis my comb! Give it me!”
“What dost thou, shameless one? Leave hold of me!” said the lord.
“Nay, ‘tis thou who art shameless! Thou wouldst take what pertains to another. Give me my comb!”
And she dragged him by his yard to her father.
The pope gazed through the window. Behold, his daughter dragged a lord by his yard and never ceased from crying: “Give me my comb, wretched fellow!” what time the lord made plaintive sound, saying: “Little father, deliver me from a death not deserved! All my life I will not forget thee!”
From his drawers the pope drew forth his yard, displayed it to his daughter through the window, and cried:
“My daughter! my daughter! Here is thy comb!”
“Truly ‘tis mine!” cried the daughter. “Behold its red end! And I thought the lord had taken it!”
And she released this unfortunate and sped into the house. The lord drew on his hose and took to his heels.
The girl came running into the house.
“Where is my comb, little father?”
“Ah! what a daughter!” grumbled the pope. “See, little mother. I believe she hath lost her maidenhead.”
“Examine her thyself, little father,” said the popess. “That will be better.”
The pope lowered his drawers and gave the comb to his daughter. When they were in action, the pope gasped and cried:
“No, no--the girl hath not lost her honour....”
Quoth the popess:
“Little father, push her honour yet further back.”
“Fear not, little mother. She will not let it fall. I have pushed it far.”
Thus went the pope’s daughter to the comb. Henceforward the pope combed them both, regaling them with his little ‘doll,’[85] passing his life in futtering both daughter and mother.
[85] French _Poupée_, which, in the slang phraseology of that language, properly denotes a harlot. On the other hand, we have the term _dolly_ as a synonym for _penis_. (_C.f._ Farmer: _Slang and its Analogues_.) This use of _poupée_, which, of course, is literally translated by _doll_, is peculiar; our French lexicographers do not include it in their lists of synonyms for the _membrum virile_.
_EXCURSUS_ to _THE PRINCESS WHO PISSETH OVER THE HAYCOCKS_ and _THE COMB_.
The main theme of these two stories----the ability of a virgin girl to urinate to a great height----is founded on physiological fact, although, of course, grossly distorted and exaggerated. “In children,” says Havelock Ellis, (_Studies in the Psychology of Sex_, vol. 5: _Erotic Symbolism_), “the vulva appears to look directly forward and the clitoris and urinary meatus easily appear, while in adult women, and especially after attempts at coïtus have been made, the vulva appears directed more below and behind, and the clitoris and meatus more covered by the labia majora; so that the child urinates forward, while the adult woman is usually able to urinate almost directly downwards in the erect position, though in some cases (as may occasionally be observed in the street) she can only do so when bending slightly forwards.
“This difference in the direction of the stream formerly furnished one of the methods of diagnosing virginity, an uncertain one, since the difference is largely due to age and individual variation. The main factor in the position and aspect of the vulva is pelvic inclination....”
Havelock Ellis, later on in the same volume of his _Studies_, again refers to the subject:
“A sign to which the old authors often attached much importance was furnished by the urinary stream. In the _De Secretis Mulierum_, wrongly attributed to Albertus Magnus,[86] it is laid down that ‘the virgin urinates higher than the woman.’ Riolan, in his _Anthropographia_, discussing the ability of virgins to ejaculate urine to a height, states that Scaliger had observed women who were virgins emit urine in a high jet against a wall, but that married women could seldom do this. Bonaciolus also stated that the urine of virgins is emitted in a small stream to a distance with an acute hissing sound. (_Parthenologia_, p. 281.)[87] ... There is no doubt a tendency for the various stresses of sexual life to produce an influence in this direction, though they act far too slowly and uncertainly to be a reliable index to the presence or the absence of virginity.
[86] “Already in the thirteenth century, Albert Bollstœdt, Bishop of Ratisbonne, better known as Albertus Magnus, had, in spite of his clerical profession, furnished much scabrous matter concerning the opposite sex in his work _De Secretis Mulierum_.”--_Centuria Librorum Absconditorum_: Pisanus Fraxi (Ashbee): London: Privately Printed, 1879. The compiler of this monumental work and the two companion volumes, _Index Librorum Prohibitorum_ and _Catena Librorum Tacendorum_, would seem to be at variance with Havelock Ellis. A further reference to Albertus Magnus by Fraxi is worth giving: “Shall a bishop, raised to the See of Ratisbonne, (exclaims the erudite James Atkinson) and (still more monstrous) shall a canonised man, an ‘in cœlum sublevatus,’ undertake a natural history of the most natural secret, inter secretalia fœminea? Is the natural and divine law at once to be expounded, inter Scyllam et Charybdim, of defailance and human orgasm?”----Medical Bibliography, p. 72.
[87] We have already referred to Schurig’s work.
“Another common ancient test of virginity by urination rests on a psychic basis, and appears in a variety of forms which are really all reducible to the same principle. Thus we are told in _De Secretis Mulierum_ that to ascertain if a girl has been seduced she should be given to eat of powdered crocus flowers, and if she has been seduced she immediately urinates. We are here concerned with auto-suggestion, and it may well be believed that with nervous and credulous girls this test often revealed the truth....
“ ... The ancient custom, known in classic times, of measuring the neck the day after marriage was frequently practised to ascertain if a girl was or was not a virgin. There were various ways of doing this. One was to measure with a thread the circumference of the bride’s neck before she went to bed on the bridal night. If in the morning the same thread would not go around her neck it was a sure sign that she had lost her virginity during the night; if it would, she was still a virgin or had been deflowered at an earlier period. Catullus alluded to this custom,[88] which still exists, or existed until lately,[89] in the south of France. It is perfectly sound, for it rests on the intimate response by congestion of the thyroid gland to sexual excitement. (_Parthenologia_, p. 283.)”
[88] “Nor shall the nurse at orient light returning, with yester-e’en’s thread succeed in circling her neck.”--_The Carmina of Catullus_: Englished into verse and prose by Sir R. F. Burton and L. C. Smithers: London, 1894. Burton and Smithers, apparently, were unaware of the medical significance of the test, for they add in a note: “The ancients, says Pezay, had faith in another equally absurd test of virginity. They measured the circumference of the neck with a thread. Then the girl under trial took the two ends of the magic thread in her teeth, and if it was found to be so long that its bight could be passed over her head, it was clear she was not a maid. By this rule all the thin girls might pass for vestals, and all the plump ones for the reverse.”
[89] Havelock Ellis is writing in 1914.
THE SKIRMISH.[90]
[90] _The Dialogues of Luisa Sigea_: Translated from the Latin of Nicolas Chorier: Paris: Isidore Liseux, 1890. Our extract is from the opening lines of the first dialogue; the phraseology, at times, is our own.
_Tullia._
Sweet it is to me, dearest cousin, that thy marriage with Caviceo is finally concluded: for, the night which will make thee a wife in his embraces will, I assure thee, afford thee by far the greatest of all pleasures; provided Venus befriend thee, as this thy heavenly shape deserveth.
_Ottavia._
My mother told me this morning that I am to be wedded to-morrow to Caviceo. And I see that the requisites for the pomp of this event are being prepared at home with great care: the bed, bed-room, and so forth. But, of course, these things cause less joy than fear in my soul; for, whatever in fine may be that pleasure of which thou, my dearest cousin, speakest, I neither know nor even imagine.
_Tullia._
It should seem nowise strange that thou at this age and so soft (for thou hast barely attained thy fifteenth year), dost not know what I, though older when I married, wholly ignored; that delight which Pomponia used to promise and so loudly extol, having been tasting it herself since three years.
_Ottavia._
But what greatly surpriseth me is that thou shouldst wholly ignore it. Allow me to speak more openly now that I am on the eve of complete freedom. For if the practice were lacking, which thou certainly hadst not, yet thy great learning must have disclosed these secrets to thee. I often hear thee extolled to the clouds in the most flattering terms, because thou art so skilled in Latin and Greek literature as in nearly all the liberal arts that there seemeth to be naught which thou dost not know.
_Tullia._
My father had so much to do in this, that, with the same zeal as most other girls are seeking after the reputation of being handsome and elegant, I was entirely bent on acquiring the honour of being a learned maid. And they that prefer to flatter than speak the truth, say: she hath not quite lost her time.
_Ottavia._
They who will not flatter say also: scarcely have esteem of virtue, good morals remained with those of our sex who were considered learned, even when they obtained this honour.
_Tullia._
Would they deny I am chaste, while owning I am learned?
_Ottavia._
Ay, they would; but thou hast won the admiration of all while taking care that thy learning did not interfere with thy good and chaste morals; it hath produced an extraordinary prodigy. But how could it be possible that the Muses, who are styled virgins, should be deemed hostile to the honour of virgins? Why are they said to corrupt our minds, they who are as the ardour of our souls, stimulating us all, men and women alike, to grand and praiseworthy actions? Undoubtedly because men, from a certain haughty and silly malignity, envy us these resources of which they themselves are proud, by making us the victims of their jealousy. Men shun every poison and venom just as we do, whom they call the weaker sex, because the same pest which may take our lives away, may take theirs away too. If learning be a venom and a pest for us, as they assert, how is it that so dangerous a thing, in order to be useful to men, (for they do not deny but that it is useful to them), should change its nature all on a sudden? If learning is, of its very essence, a certain source of every evil and crime for us, how shall they drink out of the same source the nectarean waters of immortal glory: whilst we unhappy and wretched women shall drink a sort of sulphureous Stygian water which will excite us to those debaucheries, to which they drive us by their sway or lead us by their example? For, I remember that thou spokest thus on this subject a few days ago in thy conversation with Caviceo. It is exceedingly nice of thee to have conserved until now that pure reputation of an honest woman, with that beauty which inflameth even the coldest, with that learning which doth captivate those insensible of beauty.
_Tullia._
Thou who speakest thus, thou who knowest that love inflameth men’s hearts, art not so simple as I thought.
_Ottavia._
Am I totally ignorant of what Caviceo’s eyes, brow, in a word, his whole countenance so often told me, even though he were silent? I was indeed truly surprised at the unwonted fire of his kisses, when he made free with me eight days ago; I know but too well what that ardour and fire meant.
_Tullia._
Thy mother was absent? thou wast alone? thou wast not at all afraid of him?
_Ottavia._
My mother was gone out; but what was to be feared from him? Of course I feared naught.
_Tullia._
All he asked was kisses?
_Ottavia._
On the contrary, the fool took them against my will, brandishing his glowing tongue between my lips.
_Tullia._
What sensation came over thee, then?
_Ottavia._
I shall acknowledge it: some heat or other hitherto unfelt passed through my veins: my whole frame was inflamed. He thought that a maiden blush bepainted my cheek; for a little while he forebore his folly and busy hand.... I shall ever hate those roguish hands, from the very fact that they with their fire impregnated me, tortured and wearied!
_Tullia._
A nice affair!
_Ottavia._
Why? having stuck his hand in my breast, he seized one of my paps, then the other; and while he was handling each of them rather hard, lo! he tossed me over on my back in spite of me.
_Tullia._
Thou art blushing; the deed was accomplished.
_Ottavia._
His left hand was laid on my bosom (I am stating how the thing was done), he easily overcame all my efforts; he next slipped his right hand under my petticoat. I blush, I blush to tell it.
_Tullia._
Lay aside that ridiculous modesty; fancy thou art relating to thyself what thou art telling me.
_Ottavia._
Having speedily lifted my petticoat above my knees, he handled my thighs. Oh! hadst thou beheld his sparkling eyes!
_Tullia._
So thou wast happy then!
_Ottavia._
Having carried his hand higher, he invaded that place which, they say, distinguisheth us from the other sex; ay, it is now a year ago, and ever since a lot of blood doth run from me every month during several days.
_Tullia._
Bravo, Caviceo! ah! ah! ah!
_Ottavia._
Oh, the rascal! “This part,” he saith, “will soon rejoice me exceedingly. Do consent, my Ottavia.” A little more and I had fainted at these words.
_Tullia._
What did he then do?
_Ottavia._
That part of me, thou wouldst scarcely believe, hath a very small slit....
_Tullia._
But inflamed, but glowing.
_Ottavia._
He thrust his finger into it, and, as the place could barely contain it, I felt a sharp pain throughout all my senses. But he: “I have a virgin,” said he, and no sooner said than forcibly opening my thighs which I kept as tight as ever I could, he threw himself upon me.
_Tullia._
Thou art silent? he put naught but his finger in?
_Ottavia._
I felt ... but what effrontery is mine to speak so much about it!
_Tullia._
And I too, whom thou makest so much of, have undergone it, as thou. Naught is more daring than a bridegroom, whom every delay doth exasperate exceedingly, until he gathereth that flower of his bride.
_Ottavia._
I soon felt some hard and warm mass between my thighs. He forced me to open; with a robust effort he directed that thing against my body and that slit. But I, having mustered up strength, threw myself to the other side, and slipping my left hand between us both, I laid it on that place where the fray was so furiously raging.
_Tullia._
Thou couldst with one hand ward off so powerful a catapult?
_Ottavia._
Yea. “O naughty man,” would I say, “why dost thou annoy me thus? Let me go, if thou lovest me: by what crime have I deserved this torture?” And tears flowed from my eyes: but such was the state of my mind, that I did not even dare open my mouth or utter a cry to call for help.
_Tullia._
Withal Caviceo did not even pierce thee with his lance[91]? it did not enter into thy trench[91]?
[91] Erotic terms in English, French and Latin slang, respectively, for the _penis_ and female _pudendum_. (_C.f._ Farmer, _op. cit._).
_Ottavia._
I seized it and held it aside, but unlucky event! I felt myself completely drenched with a regular shower like fire, and, naked as I was, wet up to the navel. I put my hand to it again; but when falling on that sort of slimy fluid with which the mad fellow had flooded me, my hand recoiled from fright and horror.
_Tullia._
Therefore neither was he vanquished nor thou victorious, since he was very near carrying off a real victory.
_Ottavia._
Caviceo was far more agreeable to me since that day. Nor do I know the powerful desire that doth agitate my soul. I ignore what I long for, and cannot mention it. All I know is that Caviceo pleaseth me far more than all mortals; I expect from him alone the supreme pleasure which I do not understand, as I ignore what it may be like. I desire naught and yet desire....
_Here we end our extract from Luisa’s Dialogues. We shall have occasion to quote from them again in subsequent volumes of Anthologica Rarissima._
_EXCURSUS_ to _THE SKIRMISH_.
Nicolas Chorier, the author of the _Dialogues of Luisa Sigea_ (the book is commonly called the _Aloisia_ or the _Meursius_, after the name of the supposed author or translator) was born at Vienne, Dauphiny, in 1612; he received a law-doctor’s degree in 1639, and practised the profession of lawyer at the Court of Aids in his native town.[92] A man of cultivated mind, a passionate lover of letters, a first-rate Latinist, he devoted only a very limited part of his time to causes of the bar.
[92] We are quoting from the English translator’s “Notice of Nicolas Chorier” in the Liseux edition already mentioned.
While passing out of the Jesuit Academy, and during the course of his law studies, he tried his hand at a variety of works both in French and Latin.... The composition of the _Aloisia_, or at least the first draft, for he must often have retouched this chief work, may be traced back to that time. “I wrote then,” he tells us in his _Memoirs_, “_Epistles_, _Speeches_, a _Political Dissertation_ on the French alliance with the Ottoman Empire, and two _Satires_, the one Menippean, the other Sotadical.”[93] ...
[93] The Sotadical Satire is so-called after Sotades, who lived three centuries before Christ, and whose erotic poems are unfortunately lost.--English Translator’s note. According to a note in _Priapeia_ (Cosmopoli, 1890, _Privately Printed_), Sotades, the Mantinean poet, was the first to treat of Greek love, or dishonest and unnatural love. He wrote in the Ionian dialect, and according to Suidas he was the author of a poem entitled _Cinædica_ (Martial, 2. 86). The title would leave us in no doubt as to the trend of the work. (Cinædus = he who indulges in unnatural lust; Cinædicus = pertaining to one who is unchaste.--_Smith’s Latin English Dictionary._) _C.f._ also Sir Richard Burton’s “Sotadic Zone” in the _Terminal Essay_ to _The Thousand Nights and a Night_ (_op. cit. sup._).