Part 19

MOLLIE. [_With enthusiasm._] Wouldn't it be wonderful if he'd build just what we want! Fanny Russell says every detail of their house is perfect. Even the garage; they use it----

BOB. [_Interrupting._] Mollie, that's the one thing I'm afraid of about the North Shore plan. I've said repeatedly that I don't want to buy a car for another year or two. But here you are, talking about a garage already.

MOLLIE. But you didn't let me finish what I was saying. The Russells have fitted up their garage as a playroom for the children. If we had a garage we could do the same thing.

BOB. Well, let's keep temptation behind us and not even talk to the man about a garage. If we move up north it must be on an economy basis for a few years; just a half-way step between the apartment and the house we used to plan. You mustn't get your heart set on a car.

MOLLIE. I haven't even thought of one, dear. [BOB _and_ MOLLIE _have now both finished the bouillon course and lay down their spoons. Reaching out her hand to touch the table button, and at the same time leaning across the table and speaking very impressively._] Bob, I'm about to ring for Hilda!

BOB. What of it?

MOLLIE. [_Decidedly and with a touch of impatience._] You know very well, what of it. I don't want Hilda to hear us say one word about moving away from the South Side!

BOB. [_Protesting._] But Mollie----

MOLLIE. [_Interrupting hurriedly and holding her finger to her lips in warning._] Psst!

[_The next instant_ HILDA _enters, left. She is a tall, blonde Swedish girl, about twenty-five years old. She is very pretty and carries herself well and looks particularly charming in a maid's dress, with white collars and cuffs and a dainty waitress's apron. Every detail of her dress is immaculate._

MOLLIE. [_Speaking the instant that_ HILDA _appears and talking very rapidly all the time that_ HILDA _remains in the room. While she speaks_ MOLLIE _watches_ HILDA _rather than_ ROBERT, _whom she pretends to be addressing_.] In the last game Gert Jones was my partner. It was frame apiece and I dealt and I bid one no trump. I had a very weak no trump. I'll admit that, but I didn't want them to win the rubber. Mrs. Stone bid two spades and Gert Jones doubled her. Mrs. Green passed and I simply couldn't go to three of anything. Mrs. Stone played two spades, doubled, and she made them. Of course, that put them out and gave them the rubber. I think that was a very foolish double of Gert Jones, and then she said it was my fault, because I bid one no trump.

[_As_ MOLLIE _begins her flow of words_ BOB _first looks at her in open-mouthed astonishment. Then as he gradually comprehends that_ MOLLIE _is merely talking against time he too turns his eyes to_ HILDA _and watches her closely in her movements around the table. Meanwhile_ HILDA _moves quietly and quickly and pays no attention to anything except the work she has in hand. She carries a small serving-tray, and, as_ MOLLIE _speaks_, HILDA _first takes the bouillon cups from the table, then brings the carving-knife and fork from the sideboard and places them before_ ROBERT, _and then, with the empty bouillon cups, exits left_. BOB _and_ MOLLIE _are both watching_ HILDA _as she goes out. The instant the door swings shut behind her_, MOLLIE _relaxes with a sigh, and_ ROBERT _leans across the table to speak_.

BOB. Mollie, why not be sensible about this thing! Have a talk with Hilda and find out if she will move north with us.

MOLLIE. That's just like a man! Then we might not find a house to please us and Hilda would be dissatisfied and suspicious. She might even leave. [_Thoughtfully._] Of course, I must speak to her before we sign a lease, because I really don't know what I'd do if Hilda refused to leave the South side. [_More cheerfully._] But there, we won't think about the disagreeable things until everything is settled.

BOB. That's good American doctrine.

MOLLIE. [_Warningly and again touching her finger to her lips._] Psst!

[HILDA _enters, left, carrying the meat plates, with a heavy napkin under them_.

MOLLIE. [_Immediately resuming her monologue._] I think my last year's hat will do very nicely. You know it rained all last summer and I really only wore the hat a half a dozen times. Perhaps not that often. I can make a few changes on it; put on some new ribbons, you know, and it will do very nicely for another year. You remember that hat, don't you dear?

[BOB _starts to answer, but_ MOLLIE _rushes right on_.

Of course you do, you remember you said it was so becoming. That's another reason why I want to wear it this summer.

[HILDA, _meanwhile, puts the plates on the table in front of_ BOB, _and goes out, left_. MOLLIE _at once stops speaking_.

BOB. [_Holding his hands over the plates as over a fire and rubbing them together in genial warmth._] Ah, the good hot plates! She never forgets them. She _is_ a gem, Mollie.

MOLLIE. [_In great self-satisfaction._] If you are finally convinced of that, after three years, I wish you would be a little bit more careful what you say the next time Hilda comes in the room.

BOB. [_In open-mouthed astonishment._] What!

MOLLIE. Well, I don't want Hilda to think we are making plans behind her back.

BOB. [_Reflectively._] "A man's home is his castle." [_Pauses._] It's very evident that the Englishman who first said that didn't keep any servants.

[_Telephone bell rings off stage._

MOLLIE. Answer that, Bob.

BOB. Won't Hilda answer it?

MOLLIE. [_Standing up quickly and speaking impatiently._] Very well, I shall answer it myself. I can't ask Hilda to run to the telephone while she is serving the meal.

BOB. [_Sullenly, as he gets up._] All right! All right!

[BOB _exits, centre. As he does so_ HILDA _appears at the door, left, hurrying to answer the telephone_.

MOLLIE. Mr. Espenhayne will answer it, Hilda.

[HILDA _makes the slightest possible bow of acquiescence, withdraws left, and in a moment reappears with vegetable dishes and small side dishes, which she puts before_ MRS. ESPENHAYNE. _She is arranging these when_ BOB _re-enters, centre_.

BOB. Somebody for you, Hilda.

HILDA. [_Surprised._] For me? Oh! But I cannot answer eet now. Please ask the party to call later.

[HILDA _speaks excellent English, but with some Swedish accent. The noticeable feature of her speech is the precision and great care with which she enunciates every syllable._

MOLLIE. Just take the number yourself, Hilda, and tell the party you will call back after dinner.

HILDA. Thank you, Messes Aispenhayne.

[HILDA _exits, centre_. BOB _stands watching_ HILDA, _as she leaves the room, and then turns and looks at_ MOLLIE _with a bewildered expression_.

BOB. [_Standing at his chair._] But I thought Hilda couldn't be running to the telephone while she serves the dinner?

MOLLIE. But this call is for Hilda, herself. That's quite different, you see.

BOB. [_Slowly and thoughtfully._] Oh, yes! Of course; I see! [_Sits down in his chair._] That is--I don't quite see!

MOLLIE. [_Immediately leaning across the table and speaking in a cautious whisper._] Do you know who it is?

[BOB _closes his lips very tightly and nods yes in a very important manner_.

MOLLIE. [_In the same whisper and very impatiently._] Who?

BOB. [_Looking around the room as if to see if any one is in hiding, and then putting his hand to his mouth and exaggerating the whisper._] The Terrible Swede.

MOLLIE. [_In her ordinary tone and very much exasperated._] Robert, I've told you a hundred times that you shouldn't refer to--to--the man in that way.

BOB. And I've told you a hundred times to ask Hilda his name. If I knew his name I'd announce him with as much ceremony as if he were the Swedish Ambassador.

MOLLIE. [_Disgusted._] Oh, don't try to be funny! Suppose some day Hilda hears you speak of him in that manner?

BOB. You know that's mild compared to what you think of him. Suppose some day Hilda learns what you think of him?

MOLLIE. I think very well of him and you know it. Of course, I dread the time when she marries him, but I wouldn't for the world have her think that we speak disrespectfully of her or her friends.

BOB. "A man's home is his castle."

[MOLLIE'S _only answer is a gesture of impatience_. MOLLIE _and_ BOB _sit back in their chairs to await_ HILDA'S _return. Both sit with fingers interlaced, hands resting on the edge of the table in the attitude of school children at attention. A long pause._ MOLLIE _unclasps her hands and shifts uneasily_. ROBERT _does the same_. MOLLIE, _seeing this, hastily resumes her former attitude of quiet waiting_. ROBERT, _however, grows increasingly restless. His restlessness makes_ MOLLIE _nervous and she watches_ ROBERT, _and when he is not observing her she darts quick, anxious glances at the door, centre_. BOB _drains and refills his glass_.

MOLLIE. [_She has been watching_ ROBERT _and every time he shifts or moves she unconsciously does the same, and finally she breaks out nervously_.] I don't understand this at all! Isn't to-day Tuesday?

BOB. What of it?

MOLLIE. He usually calls up on Wednesdays and comes to see her on Saturdays.

BOB. And takes her to the theatre on Thursdays and to dances on Sundays. He's merely extending his line of attack.

[_Another long pause--then Bob begins to experiment to learn whether the plates are still hot. He gingerly touches the edges of the upper plate in two or three places. It seems safe to handle. He takes hold of upper and lower plates boldly, muttering, as he does so, "Cold as--" Drops the plates with a clatter and a smothered oath. Shakes his fingers and blows on them. Meanwhile_ MOLLIE _is sitting very rigid, regarding_ BOB _with a fixed stare and beating a vigorous tattoo on the tablecloth with her fingers. Bob catches her eye and cringes under her gaze. He drains and refills his glass. He studies the walls and the ceiling of the room, meanwhile still nursing his fingers._ BOB _steals a sidelong glance at_ MOLLIE. _She is still staring at him. He turns to his water goblet. Picks it up and holds it to the light. He rolls the stem between his fingers, squinting at the light through the water. Reciting slowly as he continues to gaze at the light._

BOB. Starlight! Starbright! Will Hilda talk to him all night!

MOLLIE. [_In utter disgust._] Oh, stop that singing.

[BOB _puts down his glass, then drinks the water and refills the glass. He then turns his attention to the silverware and cutlery before him. He examines it critically, then lays a teaspoon carefully on the cloth before him, and attempts the trick of picking it up with the first finger in the bowl and the thumb at the point of the handle. After one or two attempts the spoon shoots on the floor, far behind him._ MOLLIE _jumps at the noise_. BOB _turns slowly and looks at the spoon with an injured air, then turns back to_ MOLLIE _with a silly, vacuous smile. He now lays all the remaining cutlery in a straight row before him._

BOB. [_Slowly counting the cutlery and silver, back and forth._] Eeny, meeny, miney, mo. Catch a--[_Stops suddenly as an idea comes to him. Gazes thoughtfully at_ MOLLIE _for a moment, then begins to count over again_.] Eeny, meeny, miney, mo; Hilda's talking to her beau. If we holler, she may go. Eeny, mee----

MOLLIE. [_Interrupting and exasperated to the verge of tears._] Bob, if you don't stop all that nonsense, I shall scream! [_In a very tense tone._] I believe I'm going to have one of my sick headaches! [_Puts her hand to her forehead._] I know it; I can feel it coming on!

BOB. [_In a soothing tone._] Hunger, my dear, hunger! When you have a good warm meal you'll feel better.

MOLLIE. [_In despair._] What do you suppose I ought to do?

BOB. Go out in the kitchen and fry a couple of eggs.

MOLLIE. Oh! be serious! I'm at my wits' end! Hilda never did anything like this before.

BOB. [_Suddenly quite serious._] What does that fellow do for a living, anyhow?

MOLLIE. How should I know?

BOB. Didn't you ever ask Hilda?

MOLLIE. Certainly not. Hilda doesn't ask me about your business; why should I pry into her affairs?

BOB. [_Taking out his cigarette case and lighting a cigarette._] Mollie, I see you're strong for the Constitution of the United States.

MOLLIE. [_Suspiciously._] What do you mean by that?

BOB. The Constitution says: "Whereas it is a self-evident truth that all men are born equal"--[_With a wave of the hand._] Hilda and you, and the Terrible Swede and I and----

MOLLIE. [_Interrupting._] Bob, you're such a _heathen_! _That's not in the Constitution._ That's in the Bible!

BOB. Well, wherever it is, until this evening I never realized what a personage Hilda is.

MOLLIE. You can make fun of me all you please, but I know what's right! Your remarks don't influence me in the least--not in the least!

BOB. [_Murmurs thoughtfully and feelingly._] How true! [_Abruptly._] Why don't they get married? Do you know that?

MOLLIE. All I know is that they are waiting until his business is entirely successful, so that Hilda won't have to work.

BOB. Well, the Swedes are pretty careful of their money. The chances are Hilda has a neat little nest-egg laid by.

MOLLIE. [_Hesitating and doubtfully._] That's one thing that worries me a little. I think Hilda puts money--into--into--into the young man's business.

BOB. [_Indignantly._] Do you mean to tell me that this girl gives her money to that fellow and you don't try to find out a thing about him? Who he is or what he does? I suppose she supports the loafer.

MOLLIE. [_With dignity._] He's not a loafer. I've seen him and I've talked with him, and I know he's a gentleman.

BOB. Mollie, I'm getting tired of all that kind of drivel. I believe nowadays women give a good deal more thought to pleasing their maids than they do to pleasing their husbands.

MOLLIE. [_Demurely._] Well, you know, Bob, your maid can leave you much easier than your husband can--[_pauses thoughtfully_] and I'm sure she's much harder to replace.

BOB. [_Very angry, looking at his watch, throwing his napkin on the table and standing up._] Mollie, our dinner has been interrupted for fifteen minutes while Hilda entertains her [_with sarcasm_] gentleman friend. If you won't stop it, I will.

[_Steps toward the door, centre._

MOLLIE. [_Sternly, pointing to_ BOB'S _chair_.] Robert, sit down!

[BOB _pauses, momentarily, and at the instant_ HILDA _enters, centre, meeting_ BOB, _face to face. Both are startled._ BOB, _in a surly manner, walks back to his place at the table_. HILDA _follows, excited and eager_. BOB _sits down and_ HILDA _stands for a moment at the table, smiling from one to the other and evidently anxious to say something_. BOB _and_ MOLLIE _are severe and unfriendly. They gaze at_ HILDA _coldly. Slowly_ HILDA'S _enthusiasm cools, and she becomes again the impassive servant_.

HILDA. Aixcuse me, Meeses Aispenhayne, I am very sorry. I bring the dinner right in. [_Hilda exits left._

BOB. It's all nonsense. [_Touches the plates again, but this time even more cautiously than before. This time he finds they are entirely safe to handle._] These plates are stone cold now.

[HILDA _enters, left, with meat platter. Places it before_ BOB. _He serves the meat and_ MOLLIE _starts to serve the vegetables_. HILDA _hands_ MOLLIE _her meat plate_.

MOLLIE. Vegetables? [BOB _is chewing on his meat and does not answer_. MOLLIE _looks at him inquiringly. But his eyes are on his plate. Repeating._] Vegetables? [_Still no answer from_ BOB. _Very softly, under her breath._] H'mm.

[MOLLIE _helps herself to vegetables and then dishes out a portion which she hands to_ HILDA, _who in turn places the dish beside_ BOB. _When both are served_ HILDA _stands for a moment back of the table. She clasps and unclasps her hands in a nervous manner, seems about to speak, but as_ BOB _and_ MOLLIE _pay no attention to her she slowly and reluctantly turns, and exits left_. MOLLIE _takes one or two bites of the meat and then gives a quick glance at_ BOB. _He is busy chewing at his meat, and_ MOLLIE _quietly lays down her knife and fork and turns to the vegetables_.

BOB. [_Chewing desperately on his meat._] Tenderloin, I believe?

MOLLIE. [_Sweetly._] Yes, dear.

BOB. [_Imitating_ MOLLIE _a moment back_.] H'mm! [_He takes one or two more hard bites._] Mollie, I have an idea.

MOLLIE. I'm relieved.

BOB. [_Savagely._] Yes, you will be when you hear it. When we get that builder's name from Fanny Russell, we'll tell him that instead of a garage, which we don't need, he can build a special telephone booth off the kitchen. Then while Hilda serves the dinner----

[BOB _stops short, as_ HILDA _bursts in abruptly, left, and comes to the table_.

HILDA. Aixcuse me, Meeses Aispenhayne, I am so excited.

MOLLIE. [_Anxiously._] Is anything wrong, Hilda?

HILDA. [_Explosively._] Meeses Aispenhayne, Meester Leendquist he say you want to move to Highland Park.

[BOB _and_ MOLLIE _simultaneously drop their knives and forks and look at_ HILDA _in astonishment and wonder_.

MOLLIE. What?

BOB. Who?

HILDA. [_Repeats very rapidly._] Meester Leendquist, he say you look for house on North Shore!

MOLLIE. [_Utterly overcome at_ HILDA'S _knowledge and at a loss for words of denial_.] We move to the North Shore? How ridiculous! Hilda, where did you get such an idea? [_Turns to_ ROBERT.] Robert, did you ever hear anything so laughable? [_She forces a strained laugh._] Ha! Ha! Ha! [ROBERT _has been looking at_ HILDA _in dumb wonder. At_ MOLLIE'S _question he turns to her in startled surprise. He starts to answer, gulps, swallows hard, and then coughs violently. Very sharply, after waiting a moment for_ BOB _to answer_.] Robert Espenhayne, will you stop that coughing and answer me!

BOB. [_Between coughs, and drinking a glass of water._] Egh! Egh! Excuse me! Something, eh! egh! stuck in my throat.

MOLLIE. [_Turning to_ HILDA.] Some day we might want to move north, Hilda, but not now! Oh, no, not now!

BOB. Who told you that, Hilda?

HILDA. Meester Leendquist.

MOLLIE. [_Puzzled._] Who is Mr. Lindquist?

HILDA. [_Surprised._] Meester Leendquist--[_Pauses, a trifle embarrassed._] Meester Leendquist ees young man who just speak to me on telephone. He come to see me every Saturday.

BOB. Oh, Mr. Lindquist, the--the--Ter----

MOLLIE. [_Interrupting frantically, and waving her hands at_ BOB.] Yes, yes, of course. You know--Mr. Lindquist! [BOB _catches himself just in time and_ MOLLIE _settles back with a sigh of relief, then turns to_ HILDA _with a puzzled air_.] But where did Mr. Lindquist get such an idea?

HILDA. Mrs. Russell tell heem so.

MOLLIE. [_Now entirely bewildered._] What Mrs. Russell?

HILDA. Meeses Russell--your friend.

MOLLIE. [_More and more at sea._] Mrs. Edwin Russell, who comes to see me--every now and then?

HILDA. Yes.

MOLLIE. But how does Mrs. Russell know Mr. Lindquist and why should she tell Mr. Lindquist that we expected to move to the North Shore?

HILDA. Meester Leendquist, he build Meeses Russell's house. That ees hees business. He build houses on North Shore and he sell them and rent them.

[BOB _and_ MOLLIE _look at each other and at_ HILDA, _in wonder and astonishment as the situation slowly filters into their brains. A long pause._]

BOB. [_In awe and astonishment._] You mean that Mr. Lindquist, the young man who comes to see you every--every--every now and then--is the same man who put up the Russell house?

HILDA. Yes, Meester Aispenhayne.

BOB. [_Slowly._] And when Mrs. Espenhayne [_points to_ MOLLIE] wrote to Mrs. Russell [_jerks his thumb to indicate the north_], Mrs. Russell told Mr. Lindquist [_jerks his thumb in opposite direction_] and Mr. Lindquist telephoned to you?

[_Points to_ HILDA.

HILDA. Yes, Meester Aispenhayne. [_Nodding._

BOB. [_Very thoughtfully and slowly._] H'mm! [_Then slowly resuming his meal and speaking in mock seriousness, in subtle jest at_ MOLLIE, _and imitating her tone of a moment or two back_.] But of course, you understand, Hilda, we don't want to move to the North Shore now! Oh, no, not now!

HILDA. [_Somewhat crestfallen._] Yes, Meester Aispenhayne.

BOB. [_Reflectively._] But, of course, if Mr. Lindquist builds houses, we might look. Yes, we might look.

HILDA. [_In growing confidence and enthusiasm._] Yes, Meester Aispenhayne, and he build such beautiful houses and so cheap. He do so much heemself. Hees father was carpenter and he work hees way through Uneeversity of Mennesota and study architecture and then he go to Uneeversity of Eelenois and study landscape gardening and now he been in business for heemself sex years. And oh, Meeses Aispenhayne, you must see hees own home! You will love eet, eet ees so beautiful. A little house, far back from the road. You can hardly see eet for the trees and the shrubs, and een the summer the roses grow all around eet. Eet is just like the picture book!

MOLLIE. [_In the most perfunctory tone, utterly without interest or enthusiasm._] How charming! [_Pauses thoughtfully, then turns to_ HILDA, _anxiously_.] Then I suppose, Hilda, if we should decide to move up to the North Shore you would go with us?

HILDA. [_Hesitatingly._] Yes, Meeses Aispenhayne. [_Pauses._] But I theenk I must tell you thees spring Meester Leendquist and I aixpect to get married. Meester Leendquist's business ees very good. [_With a quick smile and a glance from one to the other._] You know, I am partner with heem. I put all my money een Meester Leendquist's business too.

[MOLLIE _and_ BOB _gaze at each other in complete resignation and surrender_.

BOB. [_Quite seriously after a long pause._] Hilda, I don't know whether we will move north or not, but the next time Mr. Lindquist comes here I want you to introduce me to him. I'd like to know him. You ought to be very proud of a man like that.

HILDA. [_Radiant with pleasure._] Thank you, Meester Aispenhayne.

MOLLIE. Yes, indeed, Hilda, Mr. Espenhayne has often said what a fine young man Mr. Lindquist seems to be. We want to meet him, and Mr. Espenhayne and I will talk about the house, and then we will speak to Mr. Lindquist. [_Then weakly._] Of course, we didn't expect to move north for a long time, but, of course, if you expect to get married, and Mr. Lindquist builds houses---- [_Her voice dies out. Long pause._

HILDA. Thank you, Meeses Aispenhayne, I tell Mr. Leendquist.

[HILDA _stands at the table a moment longer, then slowly turns and moves toward door, left_. BOB _and_ MOLLIE _watch her and as she moves away from the table_ BOB _turns to_ MOLLIE. _At this moment_ HILDA _stops, turns suddenly and returns to the table_.

HILDA. Oh, Meeses Aispenhayne, I forget one theeng!

MOLLIE. What now, Hilda?

HILDA. Meester Leendquist say eef you and Meester Aispenhayne want to look at property on North Shore, I shall let heem know and he meet you at station weeth hees automobile.

CURTAIN

A DOLLAR

BY

DAVID PINSKI

_A Dollar_ is reprinted by special permission of David Pinski and of B. W. Huebach, New York City, the publisher of David Pinski's _Ten Plays_, from which this play is taken. All rights reserved. For permission to perform address the publisher.

DAVID PINSKI