Chapter 15 of 15 · 2398 words · ~12 min read

Part 15

THE EXECUTIONER [_stepping from behind the bed curtains on Charles’s right, the bed being between them_] She is more alive than you, old man. Her heart would not burn; and it would not drown. I was a master at my craft: better than the master of Paris, better than the master of Toulouse; but I could not kill The Maid. She is up and alive everywhere.

THE EARL OF WARWICK [_sallying from the bed curtains on the other side, and coming to Joan’s left hand_] Madame: my congratulations on your rehabilitation. I feel that I owe you an apology.

JOAN. Oh, please dont mention it.

WARWICK [_pleasantly_] The burning was purely political. There was no personal feeling against you, I assure you.

JOAN. I bear no malice, my lord.

WARWICK. Just so. Very kind of you to meet me in that way: a touch of true breeding. But I must insist on apologizing very amply. The truth is, these political necessities sometimes turn out to be political mistakes; and this one was a veritable howler; for your spirit conquered us, madam, in spite of our faggots. History will remember me for your sake, though the incidents of the connection were perhaps a little unfortunate.

JOAN. Ay, perhaps just a little, you funny man.

WARWICK. Still, when they make you a saint, you will owe your halo to me, just as this lucky monarch owes his crown to you.

JOAN [_turning from him_] I shall owe nothing to any man: I owe everything to the spirit of God that was within me. But fancy me a saint! What would St Catherine and St Margaret say if the farm girl was cocked up beside them!

_A clerical-looking gentleman in black frockcoat and trousers, and tall hat, in the fashion of the year 1920, suddenly appears before them in the corner on their right. They all stare at him. Then they burst into uncontrollable laughter._

THE GENTLEMAN. Why this mirth, gentlemen?

WARWICK. I congratulate you on having invented a most extraordinarily comic dress.

THE GENTLEMAN. I do not understand. You are all in fancy dress: I am properly dressed.

DUNOIS. All dress is fancy dress, is it not, except our natural skins?

THE GENTLEMAN. Pardon me: I am here on serious business, and cannot engage in frivolous discussions. [_He takes out a paper, and assumes a dry official manner_]. I am sent to announce to you that Joan of Arc, formerly known as The Maid, having been the subject of an inquiry instituted by the Bishop of Orleans—

JOAN [_interrupting_] Ah! They remember me still in Orleans.

THE GENTLEMAN [_emphatically, to mark his indignation at the interruption_]—by the Bishop of Orleans into the claim of the said Joan of Arc to be canonized as a saint—

JOAN [_again interrupting_] But I never made any such claim.

THE GENTLEMAN [_as before_]—the Church has examined the claim exhaustively in the usual course, and, having admitted the said Joan successively to the ranks of Venerable and Blessed,—

JOAN [_chuckling_] Me venerable!

THE GENTLEMAN. —has finally declared her to have been endowed with heroic virtues and favored with private revelations, and calls the said Venerable and Blessed Joan to the communion of the Church Triumphant as Saint Joan.

JOAN [_rapt_] Saint Joan!

THE GENTLEMAN. On every thirtieth day of May, being the anniversary of the death of the said most blessed daughter of God, there shall in every Catholic church to the end of time be celebrated a special office in commemoration of her; and it shall be lawful to dedicate a special chapel to her, and to place her image on its altar in every such church. And it shall be lawful and laudable for the faithful to kneel and address their prayers through her to the Mercy Seat.

JOAN. Oh no. It is for the saint to kneel. [_She falls on her knees, still rapt_].

THE GENTLEMAN [_putting up his paper, and retiring beside the Executioner_] In Basilica Vaticana, the sixteenth day of May, nineteen hundred and twenty.

DUNOIS [_raising Joan_] Half an hour to burn you, dear saint; and four centuries to find out the truth about you!

DE STOGUMBER. Sir: I was chaplain to the Cardinal of Winchester once. They always would call him the Cardinal of England. It would be a great comfort to me and to my master to see a fair statue to The Maid in Winchester Cathedral. Will they put one there, do you think?

THE GENTLEMAN. As the building is temporarily in the hands of the Anglican heresy, I cannot answer for that.

_A vision of the statue in Winchester Cathedral is seen through the window._

DE STOGUMBER. Oh look! look! that is Winchester.

JOAN. Is that meant to be me? I was stiffer on my feet.

_The vision fades._

THE GENTLEMAN. I have been requested by the temporal authorities of France to mention that the multiplication of public statues to The Maid threatens to become an obstruction to traffic. I do so as a matter of courtesy to the said authorities, but must point out on behalf of the Church that The Maid’s horse is no greater obstruction to traffic than any other horse.

JOAN. Eh! I am glad they have not forgotten my horse.

_A vision of the statue before Rheims Cathedral appears._

JOAN. Is that funny little thing me too?

CHARLES. That is Rheims Cathedral where you had me crowned. It must be you.

JOAN. Who has broken my sword? My sword was never broken. It is the sword of France.

DUNOIS. Never mind. Swords can be mended. Your soul is unbroken; and you are the soul of France.

_The vision fades. The Archbishop and the Inquisitor are now seen on the right and left of Cauchon._

JOAN. My sword shall conquer yet: the sword that never struck a blow. Though men destroyed my body, yet in my soul I have seen God.

CAUCHON [_kneeling to her_] The girls in the field praise thee; for thou hast raised their eyes; and they see that there is nothing between them and heaven.

DUNOIS [_kneeling to her_] The dying soldiers praise thee, because thou art a shield of glory between them and the judgment.

THE ARCHBISHOP [_kneeling to her_] The princes of the Church praise thee, because thou hast redeemed the faith their wordlinesses have dragged through the mire.

WARWICK [_kneeling to her_] The cunning counsellors praise thee, because thou hast cut the knots in which they have tied their own souls.

DE STOGUMBER [_kneeling to her_] The foolish old men on their deathbeds praise thee, because their sins against thee are turned into blessings.

THE INQUISITOR [_kneeling to her_] The judges in the blindness and bondage of the law praise thee, because thou hast vindicated the vision and the freedom of the living soul.

THE SOLDIER [_kneeling to her_] The wicked out of hell praise thee, because thou hast shewn them that the fire that is not quenched is a holy fire.

THE EXECUTIONER [_kneeling to her_] The tormentors and executioners praise thee, because thou hast shewn that their hands are guiltless of the death of the soul.

CHARLES [_kneeling to her_] The unpretending praise thee, because thou hast taken upon thyself the heroic burdens that are too heavy for them.

JOAN. Woe unto me when all men praise me! I bid you remember that I am a saint, and that saints can work miracles. And now tell me: shall I rise from the dead, and come back to you a living woman?

_A sudden darkness blots out the walls of the room as they all spring to their feet in consternation. Only the figures and the bed remain visible._

JOAN. What! Must I burn again? Are none of you ready to receive me?

CAUCHON. The heretic is always better dead. And mortal eyes cannot distinguish the saint from the heretic. Spare them. [_He goes out as he came_].

DUNOIS. Forgive us, Joan: we are not yet good enough for you. I shall go back to my bed. [_He also goes_].

WARWICK. We sincerely regret our little mistake; but political necessities, though occasionally erroneous, are still imperative; so if you will be good enough to excuse me—[_He steals discreetly away_].

THE ARCHBISHOP. Your return would not make me the man you once thought me. The utmost I can say is that though I dare not bless you, I hope I may one day enter into your blessedness. Meanwhile, however—[_He goes_].

THE INQUISITOR. I who am of the dead, testified that day that you were innocent. But I do not see how The Inquisition could possibly be dispensed with under existing circumstances. Therefore—[_He goes_].

DE STOGUMBER. Oh, do not come back: you must not come back. I must die in peace. Give us peace in our time, O Lord! [_He goes_].

THE GENTLEMAN. The possibility of your resurrection was not contemplated in the recent proceedings for your canonization. I must return to Rome for fresh instructions. [_He bows formally, and withdraws_].

THE EXECUTIONER. As a master in my profession I have to consider its interest. And, after all, my first duty is to my wife and children. I must have time to think over this. [_He goes_].

CHARLES. Poor old Joan! They have all run away from you except this blackguard who has to go back to hell at twelve o’clock. And what can I do but follow Jack Dunois’ example, and go back to bed too? [_He does so_].

JOAN [_sadly_] Good night, Charlie.

CHARLES [_mumbling in his pillows_] Goo ni. [_He sleeps. The darkness envelopes the bed_].

JOAN [_to the soldier_] And you, my one faithful? What comfort have you for Saint Joan?

THE SOLDIER. Well, what do they all amount to, these kings and captains and bishops and lawyers and such like? They just leave you in the ditch to bleed to death; and the next thing is, you meet them down there, for all the airs they give themselves. What I say is, you have as good a right to your notions as they have to theirs, and perhaps better. [_Settling himself for a lecture on the subject_] You see, it’s like this. If—[_the first stroke of midnight is heard softly from a distant bell_]. Excuse me: a pressing appointment—[_He goes on tiptoe_].

_The last remaining rays of light gather into a white radiance descending on Joan. The hour continues to strike._

JOAN. O God that madest this beautiful earth, when will it be ready to receive Thy saints? How long, O Lord, how long?

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Transcriber’s Notes

George Bernard Shaw had strong beliefs about typography and English spelling reform. In printing his plays, he insisted on leaving out the apostrophes (which he called “uncouth bacillae”) in contractions like “cant” and “dont.” Shaw did use apostrophes in possessives and in some contractions, such as “it’s,” “I’ll,” “she’s,” and “that’s.” He also refused to use dashes in numbers like “twentyfive.”

This edition omits apostrophes and dashes where Shaw omitted them, leaves them in where he left them in, and makes changes only for consistency, in a few cases listed below. In the HTML version of this text, these words punctuated in nonstandard ways are marked with an invisible tag, .

In the HTML version, semantic tagging has been added to the play. The tags are:

A line of dialogue: <div class="line"> The character speaking: The remainder of the line: A stage direction inside a line: A stage direction on its own line:

The punctuation of stage directions is inconsistent in the printed text and has been left as printed.

This file uses _underscores_ to indicate italic text. Shaw also sometimes showed emphasis with extra space between the letters of a word; this is shown in this plain text version like t h i s.

Itemized changes from the original text:

• p. ix: Corrected “St.” to “St” in “though he ends in St Helena” for consistency. • p. xxx: Corrected “whereever” to “wherever” in “wherever there are armies on foot.” • p. lxiv: Corrected “Don’t” to “Dont” in “Dont argue: do as you are told” for consistency. • p. xlvi: Corrected “Mrs.” to “Mrs” in “Joan, like Mrs Eddy” for consistency. • p. xlvi: Corrected “very” to “every” in “to settle every question and fit every occasion.” • p. lxxxv: Corrected “St.” to “St” in “the New Theatre in St Martin’s Lane” for consistency. • p. 17: Corrected “coutryside” to “countryside” in “turning the countryside into a desert.” • p. 23: Corrected “has” to “his” in “that was his last haul.” • p. 25: Corrected semicolon to period after “may my soul be blasted to eternal damnation.” • p. 36: Supplied missing period after “presents Joan the Maid to his Majesty.” • p. 41: Corrected “don’t” to “dont” in “I dont want to kill people” for consistency. • p. 49: Corrected “thats” to “that’s” in “He who has sinned for thee: that’s better” for consistency. • p. 53: Corrected period to question mark after “What business?” • p. 74: Corrected “the” to “The” in “The two are seldom the same.” • p. 87: Corrected “don’t” to “dont” in “You dont know where to begin” for consistency with other appearances in the play. • p. 87: Corrected “don’t” to “dont” in “dont forget that” for consistency. • p. 89: Corrected “stock” to “stick” in “she has got hold of the right end of the stick.” • p. 97: Corrected “St.” to “St” in “of the order of St Dominic” for consistency. • p. 104: Corrected “gentleman” to “gentlemen” in “Pray take your places, gentlemen.” • p. 111: Corrected “to-day” to “today” in “we are confronted today throughout Europe” for consistency. • p. 128: Corrected “humbling” to “humbly” in “humbly thanking you Doctors and Masters.” • p. 133: Corrected “hide” to “side” in “My place is at her side.” • p. 141: Corrected “Twenty-five” to “Twentyfive” in “Twentyfive years have passed” for consistency. • p. 141: Corrected “one on” to “one of” in “And on every one of those days.” • p. 144: Corrected “don’t” to “dont” in “Oh, please dont mention it.” for consistency. • p. 159: Corrected “courtsey” to “courtesy” in “a matter of courtesey to the said authorities.”

New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the public domain.