Chapter 286 of 1414 · 366 words · ~2 min read

CXLIV.

ADDRESS,

SPOKEN BY MISS FONTENELLE ON HER BENEFIT

NIGHT.

[This address was spoken by Miss Fontenelle, at the Dumfries theatre, on the 4th of December, 1795.]

Still anxious to secure your partial favour, And not less anxious, sure, this night than ever, A Prologue, Epilogue, or some such matter, 'Twould vamp my bill, said I, if nothing better; So sought a Poet, roosted near the skies, Told him I came to feast my curious eyes; Said nothing like his works was ever printed; And last, my Prologue-business slyly hinted! "Ma'am, let me tell you," quoth my man of rhymes, "I know your bent--these are no laughing times: Can you--but, Miss, I own I have my fears, Dissolve in pause--and sentimental tears; With laden sighs, and solemn-rounded sentence, Rouse from his sluggish slumbers, fell Repentance; Paint Vengeance as he takes his horrid stand, Waving on high the desolating brand, Calling the storms to bear him o'er a guilty land?"

I could no more--askance the creature eyeing, D'ye think, said I, this face was made for crying? I'll laugh, that's poz--nay more, the world shall know it; And so your servant: gloomy Master Poet! Firm as my creed, Sirs, 'tis my fix'd belief, That Misery's another word for Grief; I also think--so may I be a bride! That so much laughter, so much life enjoy'd.

Thou man of crazy care and ceaseless sigh, Still under bleak Misfortune's blasting eye; Doom'd to that sorest task of man alive-- To make three guineas do the work of five: Laugh in Misfortune's face--the beldam witch! Say, you'll be merry, tho' you can't be rich.

Thou other man of care, the wretch in love, Who long with jiltish arts and airs hast strove; Who, us the boughs all temptingly project, Measur'st in desperate thought--a rope--thy neck-- Or, where the beetling cliff o'erhangs the deep, Peerest to meditate the healing leap: Would'st thou be cur'd, thou silly, moping elf? Laugh at their follies--laugh e'en at thyself: Learn to despise those frowns now so terrific, And love a kinder--that's your grand specific.

To sum up all, be merry, I advise; And as we're merry, may we still be wise.

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