Part 5

_Lov_. Why, there's it: I have promised my lady Constance an hundred pounds ere night; I had four hours to perform it in, when I engaged to do it; and I have slept out more than two of them. All my hope to get this money lies within the compass of that hat there. Before I lay down, I made bold a little to prick my finger, and write a note, in the blood of it, to this same friend of mine in t'other world, that uses to supply me: the devil has now had above two hours to perform it in; all which time I have slept, to give him the better opportunity: time enough for a gentleman of his agility to fetch it from the East Indies, out of one of his temples where they worship him; or, if he were lazy, and not minded to go so far, 'twere but stepping over sea, and borrowing so much money out of his own bank at Amsterdam: hang it, what's an hundred pounds between him and me? Now does my heart go pit-a-pat, for fear I should not find the money there: I would fain lift it up to see, and yet I am so afraid of missing: Yet a plague, why should I fear he'll fail me; the name of a friend's a sacred thing; sure he'll consider that. Methinks, this hat looks as if it should have something under it: If one could see the yellow boys peeping underneath the brims now: Ha! [_Looks under round about_.] In my conscience I think I do. Stand out o'the way, sirrah, and be ready to gather up the pieces, that will flush out of the hat as I take it up.

_Boy_. What, is my master mad, trow?

[LOVEBY _snatches up the hat, looks in it hastily, and sees nothing but the paper_.

_Low_. Now, the devil take the devil! A plague! was ever man served so as I am! [_Throws his hat upon the ground_.] To break the bands of amity for one hundred pieces! Well, it shall be more out of thy way than thou imaginest, devil: I'll turn parson, and be at open defiance with thee: I'll lay the wickedness of all people upon thee, though thou art never so innocent; I'll convert thy bawds and whores; I'll Hector thy gamesters, that they shall not dare to swear, curse, or bubble; nay, I'll set thee out so, that thy very usurers and aldermen shall fear to have to do with thee.

[_A noise within of_ ISABELLA _and_ FRANCES.

_Enter_ FRANCES, _thrusting back_ ISABELLA _and_ TIMOROUS.

_Franc_. How now, what's the matter?

_Isa_. Nay, sweet mistress, be not so hard-hearted; all I desire of you is but harbour for a minute: you cannot, in humanity, deny that small succour to a gentlewoman.

_Franc_. A gentlewoman! I thought so; my house, affords no harbour for gentlewomen: you are a company of proud harlotries: I'll teach you to take place of tradesmen's wives, with a wannion to you.

_Lov_. How's this! Madam Isabella!

_Isa_. Mr Loveby! how happy am I to meet with you in my distress!

_Lov_. What's the matter, madam?

_Isa_. I'll tell you, if this gentlewoman will give me leave.

_Franc_. No, gentlewoman, I will not give you leave; they are such as we maintain your pride, as they say. [ISABELLA _and_ LOVEBY _whisper_.] Our husbands trust you, and you must go before their wives. I am sure my good-man never goes to any of your lodgings, but he comes home the worse for it, as they say.

_Lov_. Is that all? pr'ythee, good landlady, for my sake entertain my friends.

_Franc_. If the gentleman's worship had come alone, it may be I might have entertained him; but for your minion!

_Enter_ NONSUCH, FAILER, BURR, _and Officers. Cry within, Here, here_.

_Fail_. My lord, arrest Sir Timorous upon a promise of marriage to your daughter, and we'll witness it.

_Tim_. Why, what a strange thing of you's this, madam Isabella, to bring a man into trouble thus!

_Fail_. You are not yet married to her?

_Tim_. Not that I remember.

_Isa_. Well, Failer, I shall find a time to reward your diligence.

_Lov_. If the knight would have owned his action, I should have taught some of you more manners, than to come with officers into my lodging.

_Franc_. I'm glad with all my heart this minx is prevented of her design: the gentleman had got a great catch of her, as they say. His old father in the country would have given him but little thanks for it, to see him bring down a fine-bred woman, with a lute, and a dressing-box, and a handful of money to her portion.

_Isa_. Good Mistress Whatdeelack! I know your quarrel to the ladies; do they take up the gallants from the tradesmen's wives? Lord, what a grievous thing it is, for a she citizen to be forced to have children by her own husband!

_Franc_. Come, come, you're a slanderful huswife, and I squorn your harlotry tricks, that I do, so I do.

_Isa_. Steeple-hat your husband never gets a good look when he comes home, except he brings a gentleman to dinner; who, if he casts an amorous eye towards you, then, "Trust him, good husband, sweet husband, trust him for my sake: Verily the gentleman's an honest man, I read it in his countenance: and if you should not be at home to receive the money, I know he will pay the debt to me." Is't not so, mistress?

_Enter_ BIBBER _in slippers, with a skein of silk about his neck_.

_Franc_. Will you see me wronged thus, under my own roof, as they say, William?

_Isa_. Nay, 'tis very true, mistress: you let the men, with old compliments, take up new clothes; I do not mean your wife's clothes, Mr Merchant-Tailor.

_Bib_. Good, i'faith! a notable smart gentlewoman!

_Isa_. Look to your wife, sir, or, in time, she may undo your trade; for she'll get all your men-customers to herself.

_Bib_. An' I should be hanged, I can forbear no longer. [_He plucks out his measure, and runs to_ ISABELLA, _to take measure of her_.

_Isa_. How now! what means Prince Pericles by this?

_Bib_. [_On his knees_.] I must beg your ladyship e'en to have the honour to trust you but for your gown, for the sake of that last jest, flowered sattin, wrought tabby, silver upon any grounds; I shall run mad if I may not trust your ladyship.

_Franc_. I think you are mad already, as they say, William: You shall not trust her--

[_Plucks him back_.

_Bib_. Let me alone, Frances: I am a lion when I am angered.

_Isa_. Pray do not pull your lion by the tail so, mistress--In these clothes, that he now takes measure of me for, will I marry Sir Timorous; mark that, and tremble, Failer.

_Fail_. Never threaten me, madam; you're a person I despise.

_Isa_. I vow to gad, I'll be even with you, sir.

[_Exit_.

_Non_. [_To the Bailiff's_.]--And when you have arrested him, be sure you search him for my gold.

_Bailiffs_. [_To_ LOVEBY.] We arrest you, sir, at my Lord Nonsuch's suit.

_Lov_. Me, you rascals!

_Non_. Search him for my gold; you know the marks on't.

_Lov_. If they can find any marked or unmarked gold about me, they'll find more than I can. You expect I should resist now; no, no; I'll hamper you for this.

_Bail_. There's nothing to be found about him.

_Fail_. 'Tis no matter, to prison with him; there all his debts will come upon him.

_Lov_. What, hurried to durance, like a stinkard!

_Job_. Now, as I live, a pleasant gentleman; I could find in my heart to bail him; but I'll overcome myself, and steal away. [_Is going_.

_Bail_. Come, sir, we must provide you of another lodging; but I believe you'll scarce like it.

_Lov_. If I do not, I ask no favour; pray turn me out of doors.

_Bib_. Turn him out of doors! What a jest was there? Now, an' I should be hanged, I cannot forbear bailing him: Stay, officers, I bail him body and soul for that jest.

_Fail_. Let us begone in time, Burr.

[_Exeunt_ BURR, FAILER, _and_ TIMOROUS.

_Franc_. You shall not bail him.

_Bib_. I know I am a rogue to do it; but his wit has prevailed upon me, and a man must not go against his conscience. There, officers.

_Lov_. to _Non_. Old man, if it were not for thy daughter--

_Non_. Well, well; take your course, sir.

[_Exeunt_ NONSUCH _and Bailiffs_.

_Lov_. Come, Will, I'll thank thee at the tavern. Frances, remember this the next time you come up to make my bed.

_Franc_. Do your worst, I fear you not, sir. This is twice to day, William; to trust a gentlewoman, and bail a ragamuffin: I am sure he called you cuckold but yesterday, and said he would make you one.

_Lov_. Look you, Frances, I am a man of honour, and, if I said it, I'll not break my word with you.

_Bib_. There he was with you again, Frances: An excellent good jest, i'faith la.

_Franc_. I'll not endure it, that I won't, so I won't: I'll go to the justice's worship, and fetch a warrant for him.

_Lov_. But, landlady, the word cuckold will bear no action in the law, except you could prove your husband prejudiced by it. Have any of his customers forsook him for't? Or any mercer refused to trust him the less, for my calling him so?

_Franc_. Nay, I know not for the mercers; perhaps the citizens may take it for no slander among one another, as they say: but for the gentlemen--

_Lov_. Will, have they forsaken thee upon it?

_Bib_. No, I assure you, sir.

_Lov_. No, I warrant 'em: A cuckold has the signification of an honest well-meaning citizen; one, that is not given to jealousies or suspicions; a just person to his wife, &c.; one that, to speak the worst of him, does but to her, what he would be content should be done to her by other men.

_Franc_. But that another man should be the father of his children, as they say; I don't think that a civil thing, husband.

_Lov_. Not civil, landlady! why all things are civil, that are made so by custom.

_Bib_. Why may not he get as fine children as I, or any man?

_Franc_. But if those children, that are none of yours, should call you father, William!

_Bib_. If they call me father, and are none of mine, I am the more beholden to 'em.

_Franc_. Nay, if that be your humour, husband, I am glad I know it, that I may please you the better another time, as they say. [_Exit_ FRANCES.

_Bib_. Nay, but Frances, Frances! 'tis such another woman. [_Exit_ BIBBER.

_Lov_. 'Tis such another man:--My coat and sword, boy, I must go to Justice Trice's; bring the women; and come after me. [_Exit_ LOVEBY.

## ACT IV. SCENE I.

_A Table set with Cards upon it_.

TRICE _walking: Enter Servant_.

_Serv_. Sir, some company is without upon justice-business.

_Trice_. Saucy rascal, to disturb my meditations. [_Exit Servant_.--Ay, it shall be he: Jack Loveby, what think'st thou of a game at piquet, we two, hand to fist? you and I will play one single game for ten pieces: 'Tis deep stake, Jack, but 'tis all one between us two: You shall deal, Jack:--Who I, Mr Justice! that's a good one; you must give me use for your hand then; that's six i'the hundred.--Come, lift, lift;--mine's a ten; Mr Justice:--mine's a king; oh ho, Jack, you deal. I have the advantage of this, i'faith, if I can keep it. [_He deals twelve a piece, two by two, and looks on his own cards_.] I take seven, and look on this--Now for you, Jack Loveby.

_Enter_ LOVEBY _behind_.

_Lov_. How's this? Am I the man he fights with?

_Trice_. I'll do you right, Jack; as I am an honest man, you must discard this; there's no other way: If you were my own brother, I could do no better for you.--Zounds, the rogue has a quint-major, and three aces younger hand.--[_Looks on the other cards_.] Stay; what am I for the point? But bare forty, and he fifty-one: Fifteen, and five for the point, twenty, and three by aces, twenty-three; well, I am to play first: one, twenty-three; two, twenty-three; three, twenty-three; four, twenty-three;--Pox on't, now I must play into his hand: five:--now you take it, Jack;--five, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, and the cards forty.

_Lov_. Hitherto it goes well on my side.--

_Trice_. Now I deal: How many do you take, Jack? All. Then I am gone: What a rise is here! Fourteen by aces, and a sixieme-major; I am gone, without looking into my cards.--[_Takes up an ace and bites it_.] Ay, I thought so: If ever man play'd with such cursed fortune, I'll be hanged, and all for want of this damned ace--there's your ten pieces, with a pox to you, for a rooking beggarly rascal as you are.

LOVEBY _enters_.

_Lov_. What occasion have I given you for these words, sir? Rook and rascal! I am no more rascal than yourself, sir.

_Trice_. How's this! how's this!

_Lov_. And though for this time I put up, because I am a winner-- [_Snatches the gold_.

_Trice_. What a devil do'st thou put up? Not my gold, I hope, Jack?

_Lov_. By your favour, but I do; and 'twas won fairly: a sixieme, and fourteen by aces, by your own confession,--What a pox, we don't make childrens' play, I hope?

_Trice_. Well, remember this, Jack; from this hour I forswear playing with you when I am alone; what, will you bate me nothing on't?

_Lov_. Not a farthing, Justice; I'll be judged by you; if I had lost, you would have taken every piece on't: What I win, I win--and there's an end.

_Enter Servant_.

_Serv_. Sir, these people stay without, and will not be answered.

_Trice_. Well, what's their business?

_Serv_. Nay, no great matter; only a fellow for getting a wench with child.

_Trice_. No great matter, say'st thou? 'Faith, but it is. Is he a poor fellow, or a gentleman?

_Serv_. A very poor fellow, sir.

_Trice_. Hang him, rogue; make his mittimus immediately; must such as he presume to get children?

_Lov_. Well considered: A poor lousy rascal, to intrench upon the game of gentlemen! He might have passed his time at nine-pins, or shovel-board; that had been fit sport for such as he: Justice, have no mercy on him.

_Trice_. No, by the sword of justice will I not.

_Lov_. Swear'st thou, ungracious boy[A]? That's too much, on the other hand, for a gentleman. I swear not, I drink not, I curse not, I cheat not; they are unnecessary vices: I save so much out of those sins, and take it out in that one necessary vice of wenching.

[Footnote A: Henry IV. Part 1. Act ii. Scene 4.]

_Enter_ LOVEBY'S _Boy_.

_Boy_. Sir, the parties are without, according to your order.

_Lov_. 'Tis well; bring 'em in, boy.

_Enter Lady Du_ LAKE, _and two or three Whores_.

Justice, I recommend this ancient gentlewoman, with these virtuous ladies, to thy patronage; for her part, she is a person of exemplary life and behaviour; of singular conduct to break through, and patience to bear the assaults of fortune: A general benefactress of mankind, and, in fine, a promoter of that great work of nature, love.

_Trice_. Or, as the vulgar translation hath it, a very sufficient and singular good bawd: Is't not so, boy?

_Lov_. Ay, boy: Now for such a pettifogging fellow as thy clerk to persecute this lady; pr'ythee think on't: Tis a grievance of the free-born subject.

_L. Du Lake_. To see the ingratitude of this generation! That I, that have spent my youth; set at nought my fortune; and, what is more dear to me, my honour, in the service of gentlemen; should now, in my old age, be left to want and beggary, as if I were the vilest and most unworthy creature upon God's earth! [_Crying_.

_Lov_. Nay, good mother, do not take it so bitterly.

_L. Du Lake_. I confess, the unkindness of it troubles me.

_Lov_. Thou shalt not want, so long as I live.--Look, here's five pieces of cordial gold, to comfort thy heart with: I won it, e'en now, off Mr Justice; and I dare say he thinks it well bestowed.

_Trice_. My money's gone to very pious uses.

_L. Du Lake_. [_Laying her hand on_ LOVEBY'S _head_.] Son Loveby, I knew thy father well; and thy grandfather before him. Fathers they were both to me; and I could weep for joy to see how thou tak'st after them. [_Weeping again_.] I wish it lay in my power too to gratify this worthy Justice in my vocation.

_Trice_. 'Faith, I doubt I am past that noble sin.

_Lov_. Pr'ythee, good magistrate, drink to her, and wipe sorrow from her eyes.

_Trice_. Right reverend, my service to you in canary. [_She drinks after him, and stays at half a glass_.

_L. Du Lake_. 'Tis a great way to the bottom; but heaven is all-sufficient to give me strength for it. [_Drinks it up_.] Why, God's blessing on your heart, son Trice! I hope 'tis no offence to call you son? hem!--hem!--Son Loveby, I think my son Trice and I are much of the same years: let me see, son, if nature be utterly extinct in you: Are you ticklish, son Trice? [_Tickles him_.

_Trice_. Are you ticklish, Mother Du Lake?

[_Tickles her sides. She falls off her chair; he falls off his to her; they roll one over the other_.

_Lov_. I would have all London now show me such another sight of kindness in old age. [_They help each other up_.] Come, a dance, a dance; call for your clerk, Justice; he shall make one, in sign of amity. Strike up, fidlers!

[_They dance a round dance, and sing the tune_.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ CONSTANCE.

_Isa_. Are you at that sport, i'faith? Have among you, blind harpers. [_She falls into the dance_.

[_At the dance's ending_, LOVEBY _sees_ CONSTANCE.

_Trice_. Is she come? A pox of all honest women at such a time!

_Lov_. If she knows who these are, by this light, I am undone.

_Const_. Oh, servant! I come to mind you of your promise. Come, produce my hundred pounds; the time's out I set you.

_Lov_. Not till dark night, upon my reputation! I have not yet spoke with the gentleman in the black pantaloons; you know he seldom walks abroad by day-light. Dear madam, let me wait on you to your coach; and, if I bring it not within this hour, discard me utterly.

_Const_. You must give me leave to salute the company. What are they?

_Lov_. Persons of quality of my acquaintance; but I'll make your excuse to 'em.

_Const_. Nay, if they are persons of quality, I shall be rude to part from 'em so abruptly.

_Lov_. Why so?--the devil owed me a shame; and now he has paid me. I must present 'em, whate'er come on't. [_Aside_.]--This, madam, is my Lady Du Lake--the Lady Springwell--the Lady Hoyden.

[_She and_ ISABELLA _salute them_.

_Isa_. What a whiff was there came from my Lady Hoyden; and what a garlic breath my Lady Springwell had!

_Trice_. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

_Lov_. Do not betray me, Justice; if you do--[_Aside_.

_Isa_. Oh, are you thereabouts, sir? then I smell a rat, i'faith; but I'll say nothing. [_Aside_.

_Const_. Ladies, I am an humble servant to you all; and account it my happiness to have met with so good company at my cousin Trice's.

_Trice_. Ha, ha, ha!

_L. Du Lake_. Are these two ladies of your acquaintance, son Loveby?

_Lov_. Son, quoth a'! a pox of our relation! [_Aside_.

_L. Du Lake_. I shall be glad to be better known to your ladyships.

_Const_. You too much honour your servants, madam.

_Isa_. How Loveby fidges up and down! In what pain he is! well, if these be not they, they call whores, I'll be hanged, though I never saw one before. [_Aside_.

_Lov_. Will your ladyship please to go, madam?

_Const_. I must beg the favour of these ladies first, that I may know their lodgings, and wait on them.

_L. Du. Lake_. It will be our duty to pay our respects first to your ladyship.

_Const_. I beg your ladyship's pardon, madam--

_L. Du Lake_. Your ladyship shall excuse us, madam--

_Isa_. Trice. Ha, ha, ha!

_Low_. Ah, devil grin you! [_Aside_.

_Trice_. I must go out, and laugh my belly-full.

[_Exit_ TRICE.

_Const_. But in earnest, madam, I must have no denial; I beseech your ladyship instruct me, where I may tender my devoirs.

_L. Du Lake_. Since your ladyship commands me, madam, I dare disobey no longer. My lodgings are in St Lucknor's Lane, at the Cat and Fiddle.

_Const_. Whereabouts is that lane, servant?

_Lov_. Faith, madam, I know not that part o'the town.--Lord, how I sweat for fear! [_Aside_.

_Const_. And yours, madam, where, I beseech your ladyship?

_2 Whore_. In Dog and Bitch yard, an't please your ladyship.

_3 Whore_. And mine in Sodom, so like your ladyship.

_Const_. How, Loveby! I did not think you would have used me thus?

_Lov_. I beseech your ladyship, but hear my justification as I lead you.

_Const_. By no means, sir; that were such a rudeness to leave persons of quality, to wait upon me: Unhand me, sir.

_Isa_. Ha, ha, ha!--[_Exeunt_ CONST. ISA.

_Lov_. I am ruined! for ever ruined. Plague, had you no places in the town to name, but Sodom, and Lucknor's Lane, for lodgings!

_L. Du Lake_. If any prejudice arise from it, upon my honour, son, 'twas by mistake, and not intended you: I thought she desired to have been admitted of the quality.

_Lov_. I was curst, when I had first to do with you.

[_Kicks them_.

_L. Du Lake_. Well, I thank heaven, that has indued me with such patience.

[_Exeunt all but_ LOVEBY _and his Boy_.

_Lov_. I have made a fair hand on't to-day;--both lost my mistress, and hear no news from my friend below: The world frowns upon me, and the devil and my mistress have forsaken me: My godfathers and godmothers have promised well for me: Instead of renouncing them, they have renounced me.

_Boy_. Sir, I saw my Lady Constance smile as she went out: I am confident she's angry but from the teeth outwards: you might easily make fair weather with her, if you could get the money you promised her, but there's the devil--

_Lov_. Where is he, boy? shew me him quickly.

_Boy_. Marry, God bless us! I mean, sir, there's the difficulty.

_Lov_. Damned rogue, to put me in hope so--

_Enter_ BIBBER _at the other end_.

_Lov_. Uds so, look where Bibber is: Now I think on't, he offered me a bag of forty pounds, and the lease of his house yesterday: But that's his pocky humour; when I have money, and do not ask him, he will offer it; but when I ask him, he will not lend a farthing.--Turn this way, sirrah, and make as though we did not see him.

_Bib_. Our gentleman, I think, a-talking with his boy there.

_Lov_. You understand me?--

_Boy_. I warrant you, sir.

_Lov_. No news yet; what an unlucky rascal 'tis! if the rogue should hereafter be reduced to the raiment of his own shreds, I should not pity him.

_Bib_. How's this!