Part 10
JEAN. It's for you to find him if you want to become my partner.
JULIA. I cannot do it, and I have nothing myself. [Pause.]
JEAN. Well, then that's off--
JULIA. And—-
JEAN. Everything remains as before.
JULIA. Do you think I am going to stay under this roof as your concubine? Do you think I'll let the people point their fingers at me? Do you think I can look my father in the face after this? No, take me away from here, from all this humiliation and disgrace!— Oh, what have I done? My God, my God! [Breaks into tears.]
JEAN. So we have got around to that tune now!--What you have done? Nothing but what many others have done before you.
JULIA. [Crying hysterically] And now you're despising me!--I'm falling, I'm falling!
JEAN. Fall down to me, and I'll lift you up again afterwards.
JULIA. What horrible power drew me to you? Was it the attraction which the strong exercises on the weak--the one who is rising on one who is falling? Or was it love? This love! Do you know what love is?
JEAN. I? Well, I should say so! Don't you think I have been there before?
JULIA. Oh, the language you use, and the thoughts you think!
JEAN. Well, that's the way I was brought up, and that's the way I am. Don't get nerves now and play the exquisite, for now one of us is just as good as the other. Look here, my girl, let me treat you to a glass of something superfine. [He opens the table-drawer, takes out the wine bottle and fills up two glasses that have already been used.]
JULIA. Where did you get that wine?
JEAN. In the cellar.
JULIA. My father's Burgundy!
JEAN. Well, isn't it good enough for the son-in-law?
JULIA. And I am drinking beer--I!
JEAN. It shows merely that I have better taste than you.
JULIA. Thief!
JEAN. Do you mean to tell on me?
JULIA. Oh, oh! The accomplice of a house thief! Have I been drunk, or have I been dreaming all this night? Midsummer Eve! The feast of innocent games—-
JEAN. Innocent--hm!
JULIA. [Walking back and forth] Can there be another human being on earth so unhappy as I am at this moment'
JEAN. But why should you be? After such a conquest? Think of Christine in there. Don't you think she has feelings also?
JULIA. I thought so a while ago, but I don't think so any longer. No, a menial is a menial--
JEAN. And a whore a whore!
JULIA. [On her knees, with folded hands] O God in heaven, make an end of this wretched life! Take me out of the filth into which I am sinking! Save me! Save me!
JEAN. I cannot deny that I feel sorry for you. When I was lying among the onions and saw you up there among the roses--I'll tell you now--I had the same nasty thoughts that all boys have.
JULIA. And you who wanted to die for my sake!
JEAN. Among the oats. That was nothing but talk.
JULIA. Lies in other words!
JEAN. [Beginning to feel sleepy] Just about. I think I read the story in a paper, and it was about a chimney-sweep who crawled into a wood-box full of lilacs because a girl had brought suit against him for not supporting her kid—-
JULIA. So that's the sort you are--
JEAN. Well, I had to think of something--for it's the high-faluting stuff that the women bite on.
JULIA. Scoundrel!
JEAN. Rot!
JULIA. And now you have seen the back of the hawk--
JEAN. Well, I don't know--
JULIA. And I was to be the first branch--
JEAN. But the branch was rotten--
JULIA. I was to be the sign in front of the hotel--
JEAN. And I the hotel--
JULIA. Sit at your counter, and lure your customers, and doctor your bills--
JEAN. No, that I should have done myself--
JULIA. That a human soul can be so steeped in dirt!
JEAN. Well, wash it off!
JULIA. You lackey, you menial, stand up when I talk to you!
JEAN. You lackey-love, you mistress of a menial--shut up and get out of here! You're the right one to come and tell me that I am vulgar. People of my kind would never in their lives act as vulgarly as you have acted to-night. Do you think any servant girl would go for a man as you did? Did you ever see a girl of my class throw herself at anybody in that way? I have never seen the like of it except among beasts and prostitutes.
JULIA. [Crushed] That's right: strike me, step on me--I haven't deserved any better! I am a wretched creature. But help me! Help me out of this, if there be any way to do so!
JEAN. [In a milder tone] I don't want to lower myself by a denial of my share in the honour of seducing. But do you think a person in my place would have dared to raise his eyes to you, if the invitation to do so had not come from yourself? I am still sitting here in a state of utter surprise--
JULIA. And pride--
JEAN. Yes, why not? Although I must confess that the victory was too easy to bring with it any real intoxication.
JULIA. Strike me some more!
JEAN. [Rising] No! Forgive me instead what I have been saying. I don't want to strike one who is disarmed, and least of all a lady. On one hand I cannot deny that it has given me pleasure to discover that what has dazzled us below is nothing but cat-gold; that the hawk is simply grey on the back also; that there is powder on the tender cheek; that there may be black borders on the polished nails; and that the handkerchief may be dirty, although it smells of perfume. But on the other hand it hurts me to have discovered that what I was striving to reach is neither better nor more genuine. It hurts me to see you sinking so low that you are far beneath your own cook--it hurts me as it hurts to see the Fall flowers beaten down by the rain and turned into mud.
JULIA. You speak as if you were already above me?
JEAN. Well, so I am. Don't you see: I could have made a countess of you, but you could never make me a count.
JULIA. But I am born of a count, and that's more than you can ever achieve.
JEAN. That's true. But I might be the father of counts—if--
JULIA. But you are a thief--and I am not.
JEAN. Thief is not the worst. There are other kinds still farther down. And then, when I serve in a house, I regard myself in a sense as a member of the family, as a child of the house, and you don't call it theft when children pick a few of the berries that load down the vines. [His passion is aroused once more] Miss Julia, you are a magnificent woman, and far too good for one like me. You were swept along by a spell of intoxication, and now you want to cover up your mistake by making yourself believe that you are in love with me. Well, you are not, unless possibly my looks might tempt you-—in which case your love is no better than mine. I could never rest satisfied with having you care for nothing in me but the mere animal, and your love I can never win.
JULIA. Are you so sure of that?
JEAN. You mean to say that it might be possible? That I might love you: yes, without doubt--for you are beautiful, refined, [goes up to her and takes hold of her hand] educated, charming when you want to be so, and it is not likely that the flame will ever burn out in a man who has once been set of fire by you. [Puts his arm around her waist] You are like burnt wine with strong spices in it, and one of your kisses--
[He tries to lead her away, but she frees herself gently from his hold.]
JULIA. Leave me alone! In that way you cannot win me.
JEAN. How then?--Not in that way! Not by caresses and sweet words! Not by thought for the future, by escape from disgrace! How then?
JULIA. How? How? I don't know--Not at all! I hate you as I hate rats, but I cannot escape from you!
JEAN. Escape with me!
JULIA. [Straightening up] Escape? Yes, we must escape!--But I am so tired. Give me a glass of wine.
[JEAN pours out wine.]
JULIA. [Looks at her watch] But we must have a talk first. We have still some time left. [Empties her glass and holds it out for more.]
JEAN. Don't drink so much. It will go to your head.
JULIA. What difference would that make?
JEAN. What difference would it make? It's vulgar to get drunk--What was it you wanted to tell me?
JULIA. We must get away. But first we must have a talk--that is, I must talk, for so far you have done all the talking. You have told me about your life. Now I must tell you about mine, so that we know each other right to the bottom before we begin the journey together.
JEAN. One moment, pardon me! Think first, so that you don't regret it afterwards, when you have already given up the secrets of your life.
JULIA. Are you not my friend?
JEAN. Yes, at times--but don't rely on me.
JULIA. You only talk like that--and besides, my secrets are known to everybody. You see, my mother was not of noble birth, but came of quite plain people. She was brought up in the ideas of her time about equality, and woman's independence, and that kind of thing. And she had a decided aversion to marriage. Therefore, when my father proposed to her, she said she wouldn't marry him--and then she did it just the same. I came into the world--against my mother's wish, I have come to think. Then my mother wanted to bring me up in a perfectly natural state, and at the same time I was to learn everything that a boy is taught, so that I might prove that a woman is just as good as a man. I was dressed as a boy, and was taught how to handle a horse, but could have nothing to do with the cows. I had to groom and harness and go hunting on horseback. I was even forced to learn something about agriculture. And all over the estate men were set to do women's work, and women to do men's--with the result that everything went to pieces and we became the laughing-stock of the whole neighbourhood. At last my father must have recovered from the spell cast over him, for he rebelled, and everything was changed to suit his own ideas. My mother was taken sick--what kind of sickness it was I don't know, but she fell often into convulsions, and she used to hide herself in the garret or in the garden, and sometimes she stayed out all night. Then came the big fire, of which you have heard. The house, the stable, and the barn were burned down, and this under circumstances which made it look as if the fire had been set on purpose. For the disaster occurred the day after our insurance expired, and the money sent for renewal of the policy had been delayed by the messenger's carelessness, so that it came too late. [She fills her glass again and drinks.]
JEAN. Don't drink any more.
JULIA. Oh, what does it matter!--We were without a roof over our heads and had to sleep in the carriages. My father didn't know where to get money for the rebuilding of the house. Then my mother suggested that he try to borrow from a childhood friend of hers, a brick manufacturer living not far from here. My father got the loan, but was not permitted to pay any interest, which astonished him. And so the house was built up again. [Drinks again] Do you know who set fire to the house?
JEAN. Her ladyship, your mother!
JULIA. Do you know who the brick manufacturer was?
JEAN. Your mother's lover?
JULIA. Do you know to whom the money belonged?
JEAN. Wait a minute--no, that I don't know.
JULIA. To my mother.
JEAN. In other words, to the count, if there was no settlement.
JULIA. There was no settlement. My mother possessed a small fortune of her own which she did not want to leave in my father's control, so she invested it with--her friend.
JEAN. Who copped it.
JULIA. Exactly! He kept it. All this came to my father's knowledge. He couldn't bring suit; he couldn't pay his wife's lover; he couldn't prove that it was his wife's money. That was my mother's revenge because he had made himself master in his own house. At that time he came near shooting himself--it was even rumoured that he had tried and failed. But he took a new lease of life, and my mother had to pay for what she had done. I can tell you that those were five years I'll never forget! My sympathies were with my father, but I took my mother's side because I was not aware of the true circumstances. From her I learned to suspect and hate men--for she hated the whole sex, as you have probably heard--and I promised her on my oath that I would never become a man's slave.
JEAN. And so you became engaged to the County Attorney.
JULIA. Yes, in order that he should be my slave.
JEAN. And he didn't want to?
JULIA. Oh, he wanted, but I wouldn't let him. I got tired of him.
JEAN. Yes, I saw it--in the stable-yard.
JULIA. What did you see?
JEAN. Just that--how he broke the engagement.
JULIA. That's a lie! It was I who broke it. Did he say he did it, the scoundrel?
JEAN. Oh, he was no scoundrel, I guess. So you hate men, Miss Julia?
JULIA. Yes! Most of the time. But now and then--when the weakness comes over me--oh, what shame!
JEAN. And you hate me too?
JULIA. Beyond measure! I should like to kill you like a wild beast--
JEAN. As you make haste to shoot a mad dog. Is that right?
JULIA. That's right!
JEAN. But now there is nothing to shoot with--and there is no dog. What are we to do then?
JULIA. Go abroad.
JEAN. In order to plague each other to death?
JULIA. No-in order to enjoy ourselves: a couple of days, a week, as long as enjoyment is possible. And then--die!
JEAN. Die? How silly! Then I think it's much better to start a hotel.
JULIA. [Without listening to JEAN]--At Lake Como, where the sun is always shining, and the laurels stand green at Christmas, and the oranges are glowing.
JEAN. Lake Como is a rainy hole, and I could see no oranges except in the groceries. But it is a good place for tourists, as it has a lot of villas that can be rented to loving couples, and that's a profitable business--do you know why? Because they take a lease for six months--and then they leave after three weeks.
JULIA. [Naïvely] Why after three weeks?
JEAN. Because they quarrel, of course. But the rent has to be paid just the same. And then you can rent the house again. And that way it goes on all the time, for there is plenty of love--even if it doesn't last long.
JULIA. You don't want to die with me?
JEAN. I don't want to die at all. Both because I am fond of living, and because I regard suicide as a crime against the Providence which has bestowed life on us.
JULIA. Do you mean to say that you believe in God?
JEAN. Of course, I do. And I go to church every other Sunday. Frankly speaking, now I am tired of all this, and now I am going to bed.
JULIA. So! And you think that will be enough for me? Do you know what you owe a woman that you have spoiled?
JEAN. [Takes out his purse and throws a silver coin on the table] You're welcome! I don't want to be in anybody's debt.
JULIA. [Pretending not to notice the insult] Do you know what the law provides--
JEAN. Unfortunately the law provides no punishment for a woman who seduces a man.
JULIA. [As before] Can you think of any escape except by our going abroad and getting married, and then getting a divorce?
JEAN. Suppose I refuse to enter into this _mésaillance_?
JULIA. _Mésaillance_--
JEAN. Yes, for me. You see, I have better ancestry than you, for nobody in my family was ever guilty of arson.
JULIA. How do you know?
JEAN. Well, nothing is known to the contrary, for we keep no Pedigrees--except in the police bureau. But I have read about your pedigree in a book that was lying on the drawing-room table. Do you know who was your first ancestor? A miller who let his wife sleep with the king one night during the war with Denmark. I have no such ancestry. I have none at all, but I can become an ancestor myself.
JULIA. That's what I get for unburdening my heart to one not worthy of it; for sacrificing my family's honour--
JEAN. Dishonour! Well, what was it I told you? You shouldn't drink, for then you talk. And you must not talk!
JULIA. Oh, how I regret what I have done! How I regret it! If at least you loved me!
JEAN. For the last time: what do you mean? Am I to weep? Am I to jump over your whip? Am I to kiss you, and lure you down to Lake Como for three weeks, and so on? What am I to do? What do you expect? This is getting to be rather painful! But that's what comes from getting mixed up with women. Miss Julia! I see that you are unhappy; I know that you are suffering; but I cannot understand you. We never carry on like that. There is never any hatred between us. Love is to us a play, and we play at it when our work leaves us time to do so. But we have not the time to do so all day and all night, as you have. I believe you are sick--I am sure you are sick.
JULIA. You should be good to me--and now you speak like a human being.
JEAN. All right, but be human yourself. You spit on me, and then you won't let me wipe myself--on you!
JULIA. Help me, help me! Tell me only what I am to do--where I am to turn?
JEAN. O Lord, if I only knew that myself!
JULIA. I have been exasperated, I have been mad, but there ought to be some way of saving myself.
JEAN. Stay right here and keep quiet. Nobody knows anything.
JULIA. Impossible! The people know, and Christine knows.
JEAN. They don't know, and they would never believe it possible.
JULIA. [Hesitating] But-it might happen again.
JEAN. That's true.
JULIA. And the results?
JEAN. [Frightened] The results! Where was my head when I didn't think of that! Well, then there is only one thing to do--you must leave. At once! I can't go with you, for then everything would be lost, so you must go alone--abroad--anywhere!
JULIA. Alone? Where?--I can't do it.
JEAN. You must! And before the count gets back. If you stay, then you know what will happen. Once on the wrong path, one wants to keep on, as the harm is done anyhow. Then one grows more and more reckless--and at last it all comes out. So you must get away! Then you can write to the count and tell him everything, except that it was me. And he would never guess it. Nor do I think he would be very anxious to find out.
JULIA. I'll go if you come with me.
JEAN. Are you stark mad, woman? Miss Julia to run away with her valet! It would be in the papers in another day, and the count could never survive it.
JULIA. I can't leave! I can't stay! Help me! I am so tired, so fearfully tired. Give me orders! Set me going, for I can no longer think, no longer act—-
JEAN. Do you see now what good-for-nothings you are! Why do you strut and turn up your noses as if you were the lords of creation? Well, I am going to give you orders. Go up and dress. Get some travelling money, and then come back again.
JULIA: [In an undertone] Come up with me!
JEAN. To your room? Now you're crazy again! [Hesitates a moment] No, you must go at once! [Takes her by the hand and leads her out.]
JULIA. [On her way out] Can't you speak kindly to me, Jean?
JEAN. An order must always sound unkind. Now you can find out how it feels!
[JULIA goes out.]
[JEAN, alone, draws a sigh of relief; sits down at the table; takes out a note-book and a pencil; figures aloud from time to time; dumb play until CHRISTINE enters dressed for church; she has a false shirt front and a white tie in one of her hands.]
CHRISTINE. Goodness gracious, how the place looks! What have you been up to anyhow?
JEAN. Oh, it was Miss Julia who dragged in the people. Have you been sleeping so hard that you didn't hear anything at all?
CHRISTINE. I have been sleeping like a log.
JEAN. And dressed for church already?
CHRISTINE. Yes, didn't you promise to come with me to communion to-day?
JEAN. Oh, yes, I remember now. And there you've got the finery. Well, come on with it. [Sits down; CHRISTINE helps him to put on the shirt front and the white tie.]
[Pause.]
JEAN. [Sleepily] What's the text to-day?
CHRISTINE. Oh, about John the Baptist beheaded, I guess.
JEAN. That's going to be a long story, I'm sure. My, but you choke me! Oh, I'm so sleepy, so sleepy!
CHRISTINE. Well, what has been keeping you up all night? Why, man, you're just green in the face!
JEAN. I have been sitting here talking with Miss Julia.
CHRISTINE. She hasn't an idea of what's proper, that creature!
[Pause.]
JEAN. Say, Christine.
CHRISTINE. Well?
JEAN. Isn't it funny anyhow, when you come to think of it? Her!
CHRISTINE. What is it that's funny?
JEAN. Everything!
[Pause.]
CHRISTINE. [Seeing the glasses on the table that are only half-emptied] So you've been drinking together also?
JEAN. Yes.
CHRISTINE. Shame on you! Look me in the eye!
JEAN. Yes.
CHRISTINE. Is it possible? Is it possible?
JEAN. [After a moment's thought] Yes, it is!
CHRISTINE. Ugh! That's worse than I could ever have believed. It's awful!
JEAN. You are not jealous of her, are you?
CHRISTINE. No, not of her. Had it been Clara or Sophie, then I'd have scratched your eyes out. Yes, that's the way I feel about it, and I can't tell why. Oh my, but that was nasty!
JEAN. Are you mad at her then?
CHRISTINE. No, but at you! It was wrong of you, very wrong! Poor girl! No, I tell you, I don't want to stay in this house any longer, with people for whom it is impossible to have any respect.
JEAN. Why should you have any respect for them?