CHAPTER XI.
_His providential appointment to labour for the good of his neighbour, by preaching the gospel._
HE had from his first thorough awakening, a love to, and concern for the souls of others. The same cause which made him so solicitous for his own salvation, produced in him a tender sympathy for the souls of his neighbours, and the apprehensions he had of his own danger, impelled him to warn others also. The hand of God was, no doubt, in this, as well as in the whole series of his preceeding conversion. His adorable wisdom, had appointed him an instrument of saving souls from endless misery; having first prepared him for it (without his knowledge of any such design) by the hell, and heaven, so to speak, of his own experience.
Even before he had obtained mercy, he began to warn others, exhorting all, with whom he had any sort of intercourse, to _flee from the wrath to come_. Thus (as he observes) “while I was in unbelief myself, I sometimes forgot my own condition through eagerness of desire for the salvation of other souls.”
Mean time it was frequently impressed upon his mind, “You must preach the gospel. Thou shalt bear public testimony to the truth of God,” by openly declaring his loving kindness, in the redemption of the world. But he often resisted the thought, urging the impossibility thereof, from a variety of considerations, and saying in effect, _Send by whom thou wilt send; but send not me_.
Indeed, though he might have never so much desired it, in submission to the will of God; nevertheless, when the thought first presented itself to him, being a conscious unbeliever, he might have justly said, and it was the language of his heart,
“How shall I teach the world to praise? Unchang’d my heart, unloos’d my tongue? Give me the power of faith to prove, And Jesus shall be all my song.”
Influenced by these kinds of considerations, he could not, while he remained himself under the bondage, think of publishing peace and liberty to others. But the case was, in some degree altered, after he had tasted that the Lord is gracious. He was then drawn out more abundantly with love to souls, and his conviction became still stronger, that he must preach Christ Jesus to the people.
This put him upon earnest prayer, and frequent fastings, to know, assuredly, the will of God, in a matter, which he rightly judged of so great moment. “I prostrated myself before the Lord (says he) and intreated him, to shew me his pleasure herein; to convince me by his holy spirit, whether the thoughts of my heart were according to his holy will, and, whether I ought to speak in his name; or if I was under a delusion, to shew me this also, and deliver me from it. I could appeal to the searcher of hearts, that I desired only to glorify him and do his will in all things.” He conducted himself in it with all possible secresy; being even then persuaded, that the affairs of God are to be carried on without noise; and that no ostentation should be used even in forsaking all to serve Christ, in this or any other way. And yet to see him employed always for God, spending his time only in reading, writing, exhorting others, and in profound meditation, it was easy to imagine that he either projected something for God’s glory, more than could be executed by him in private; or, at least, that whether he had any such design, or not, God meant it concerning him.
He still kept the affair within his own breast having mentioned it to no one person whatsoever; till from some words he occasionally dropped, one day among his brethren, one of them gathered, that he had some thoughts of that kind. At length it became matter of much and earnest prayer, among the most serious of his Christian acquaintance, with whom, afterwards, he held frequent conversations on the head; being fearful of taking one step in a matter of so great importance, without the clearest intimations of the divine good-pleasure.
He well knew that to engage in the endeavour of saving souls from death, was to commence war with _Satan_, and all the sons of disobedience; nevertheless, being at length persuaded of the will of God, and not knowing how soon he might be in another world, the great concernment of miserable souls, prevailed with him to engage in it; concluding that if but one or two persons, might by his means be won to God, it would recompense any treatment he might meet with in the world. He was fully disposed to sacrifice his reputation, as well as life, to advance the kingdom of the Son of God.
He judged that the knowledge of languages, and other branches of human literature, are highly expedient, and in some cases necessary; but that however, they are not absolutely so, in order to qualify a man for preaching the gospel with success. He knew that he might understand _sound doctrine_, and _hold fast a form of sound speech_, without the knowledge of either _Latin_, _Greek_, or _Hebrew_. He nevertheless, at no time spoke disrespectfully of learning: quite the contrary; but yet perceived with adoration the truth of St. _Paul_’s words, with reference to the divine œconomy, in the management of the affairs of his kingdom: _After that in the wisdom of_ God; according to his wise disposals, leaving them to make the trial, _the world_, whether _Jewish_ or _Gentile_, _by_ all their boasted _Wisdom knew not_ God, _it pleased_ God _by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe_. (1 Corinthians i. 21.)
He well knew by this time, that it is _the inspiration of the Almighty_, giving heavenly understanding, which only, avails here; that the most shining abilities, natural or acquired, without _the wisdom that is from above_, and the anointing of the Holy Ghost, are, in the account of God, in respect of _bringing sons to glory_, lighter than vanity; nor better than _sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal_. In fact, that the learning of the world, used otherwise, than in subservience to the true interests of Jesus Christ, in teaching, and vindicating simplicity, and purity of heart, and subjection in life to him, rather feeds the pride of human understanding, and makes a person more like _Satan_ than he would be without it: but that rightly used, it is a good gift of God, and greatly conducive to his glory.
Indeed from his earliest days, he did not neglect any means which was in his power, for the cultivating his understanding. But he now _set himself_ to this point; impelled as it were thereto from his being more abundantly pressed in spirit, concerning the matter which he had so long in debate with himself; which was now, every day, more plain to him. He therefore applied with all diligence to what he judged the most suitable studies; in which he spent the greatest part of his waking hours. The _word of life_ had however, the chief share of his attention. He made this his one, favourite study and delight, from this time especially, till he could work no longer.
He read it much upon his knees, in the spirit of prayer. The following is a specimen only, of his continued practice, “Lord Jesus, I lay my soul at thy feet to be taught and governed by thee. Take the veil from the mystery, and shew me the truth as it is in thyself. Be thou my sun and star, by day and by night!” This was the way in which he sought for wisdom to win souls, and by which his profiting so visibly appeared to all men.
His increasing knowledge in the things of God, was an additional confirmation to him, of the divine appointment concerning him. The hidden treasures, and depth of truth in God’s word; his mysterious wisdom in the methods of salvation, were every day, more and more clearly revealed to him. The sealed book was now opened, and thereby, through the assistance of _the Spirit of truth_, his judgment grew clearer, and stronger, in the fundamental doctrines of repentance, justification and holiness. He professes that, if at any time he was in doubt concerning any point of doctrine, or the sense of any passage of scripture, his divine instructor convinced him, that either it was not needful for him to know it then; or if it was, directed him, either immediately by himself, through some divine impression, or the providential provision of some person or book, whereby his doubts were always solved.
The concern which he felt for the salvation of his neighbour still increased upon him, and a burning desire that every body might be as happy in the Lord Jesus, as he felt himself, engrossed all his thoughts. “The Spirit of God (says he) now convinced me clearly, not only of sin and of righteousness in my own soul, but likewise, how the work of conversion is to be carried on in the souls of others. I was athirst for divine knowledge. I desired to be ever in the school of Christ, learning the lessons of his grace. The glory of the Lord often passed before me in prayer, and the light of eternity shone upon my soul, while my Lord fed me as with marrow and fatness!”