Part 15

I am so distressed at dear, good Sir James [Clark’s] illness. I hope and trust that this precious old friend will still be spared for a few years at least.

GOTHA, April 25th.

* * * It is now eleven years since I spent my birthday with dear Vicky, and she has been so dear and kind, and dear Aunt and Uncle likewise. We spend the day quite quietly together, and the bad weather prevents any expeditions.

After to-morrow we go home.

DARMSTADT, May 4th.

Accept my best thanks for your last letter written on dear Arthur’s birthday. The playing of the band I am sure gave him pleasure; but it would be too painful for _all_ ever to have it again on the terrace as formerly. There are certain tunes which that Marine Band used to play, which, when I have chanced to hear them elsewhere, have quite upset me, so powerful does the recollection of those so very happy birthdays at Osborne remain upon me! Those happy, happy days touch me even to tears when I think of them. What a joyous childhood we had, and how greatly it was enhanced by dear, sweet Papa, and by all your great kindness to us!

I try to copy as much as lies in my power all these things for our children, that they may have an idea, when I speak to them of it, of what a happy home ours was.

I do feel so much for dear Beatrice and the other younger ones, who had so much less of it than we had!

DARMSTADT, May 11th.

For your sake I am sorry that my condition should cause you anxiety, for you have enough of that, God knows. But I am so well this time that I hope and trust all may go well, though one is never sure. It is this conviction which I always have, and which makes me serious and thoughtful, as who can know whether with the termination of this time my life may not also terminate?

This is also one of the reasons why I long so very much to see you, my own precious Mama, this summer, for I cling to you with a love and gratitude, the depth of which I know I can never find words or means to express. After a year’s absence I wish so intensely to behold your dear, sweet, loving face again, and to press my lips on your dear hands. The older I grow the more I value and appreciate that mother’s love which is unique in the world; and having, since darling Papa’s death, only you, the love to my parents and to adored Papa’s memory is all centred in _you_.

Louis has leave from the 11th of June to the 11th of August.

Uncle Ernest is coming here to-day for the day, from Frankfort, where he has been to a cattle-show. Uncle Adalbert is here, so much pleased with having seen you again, singing the praise of both Lenchen and Louise, which of course I joined in, as it is such a pleasure to hear others admire and appreciate my dear sisters.

DARMSTADT, May 14th.

I know you will be grieved to hear that we all have had the grief of losing good, excellent Jäger.[88] He was, on the whole, better and was out daily, and he went to bed as usual, when in the middle of the night he called one of the men, and before they could come to his assistance he expired, having broken a blood-vessel. Poor Katrinchen’s despair and grief were quite heart-rending, when we went together to see our true and valued servant for the last time. I was so upset by the whole, that it was some days before I got over it. We made wreaths to put on his coffin, which was covered with flowers sent from all sides, and we both were at the door with our servants when he was carried out, and tried to console the poor, unfortunate _Braut_ [bride], who remained at home.

He was the best servant one could find; never, since he has been in our service, had he been found fault with by any one. He was good, pious, and gentle, and very intelligent. The death of a good man, who has fulfilled his allotted duty in this world as a good Christian ought, touches one deeply, and we have really mourned for him as for a friend, for he was one in the true sense of the word. Jäger rests alongside my poor Willem, in the pretty little cemetery here; a bit of my heart went with them.

Fritz, on his way back from Italy, spent a few hours with us, and told us much of his journey. He heard the strangest rumors of France intending to break out in sudden hostilities with Germany, and asked me what you thought of a probability of a war for this summer. I hope to God, that nothing horrid of that sort will happen! Do you think it likely, dear Mama?

DARMSTADT, May 19th.

My own darling and most precious Mama, the warmest and tenderest wishes that grateful children can form for a beloved parent we both form for you, and these lines but weakly express all I would like to say. May God bless and watch over a life so precious and so dear to many! It is now six years since I spent that dear day near you, but I hope that some time or other we shall be allowed to do so. Our joint present is a medal for you with our heads. We had it made large in oxidized silver on purpose for you. I myself have braided and embroidered, with Christa’s help (who begged to be allowed to do something for you), a trimming for a dress, which I hope you will like and wear. It took a deal of my time, and my thoughts were so much with you while I was doing it, that I quite regretted its completion.

We are having a bracelet with our miniatures and the three children’s in it made for you, but unfortunately it is not finished, so we shall bring it and give it to you ourselves.

DARMSTADT, May 29th.

* * * The intense heat remains the same, and becomes daily less endurable here in town--the result on my unfortunate person being a very painful rash which itches beyond all description. I hope it won’t increase.

How I envy you at Balmoral! the very thought of that air makes me better.

OSBORNE, August 6th.

I was just sitting down to write to you when Ernest came in with your dear letter. Thousand thanks for it! These parting lines will be such a clear companion to me on our journey. I can’t tell you how much I felt taking leave of you this time, dear Mama; it always is such a wrench to tear myself away from you and my home again. Where I have so, oh, so much to be thankful and grateful to you for, I always fear that I can never express my thanks as warmly as I feel them, which I do indeed from the bottom of my heart. God bless you, darling Mama, for all your love and kindness; and from the depth of my heart do I pray that nothing may cause you such anxiety and sorrow again as you have had to bear of late. * * *

When I left you at the pier the return to the empty house was so sad! It felt quite strange, and by no means pleasant, to be here without you and all the others. We lunched alone with Victoria, and dined in the hot dining-room with the ladies and gentlemen, sitting on the terrace afterward.

It has rained all the morning, and is most oppressive. As it is so foggy, we have to leave at two; but there is no wind, and I hope the sea will be quite smooth. I am sure you must feel lonely and depressed on this journey, poor Mama; but the change of scene and beautiful nature enjoyed in rest and quiet must surely do you good.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 10th.

* * * We left Osborne at two on Thursday in rain and wind. The children and I were dreadfully sick an hour after starting, but the passage got smoother later; and, though I was very wretched in every way, I was not sick again. The same sort of weather on the _Alberta_ next morning, but it cleared up later. The Rhine steamer was very comfortable, and Doctor Minter accompanied us to Dordrecht. The last afternoon and night on board I suffered dreadfully. Since I arrived here, I am better, but not right yet. Had it not been for your great kindness in giving us the ship, I am sure I should not have got home right. This awful heat adds to my feelings of fatigue and discomfort.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 11th.

I have just received your letter, from Lucerne, and hasten to thank you for it.

How glad I am that you admire the beautiful scenery, and that I know it, and can share your admiration and enjoyment of it in thought with you! It is most lovely. The splendid forms, and the color of the lake, are two things that we don’t know in dear Scotland, and which are so peculiar to Swiss scenery.

Louis is in town from eight till our two o’clock dinner, and has a great deal to do.

For your sake as for my own I long for a respite from this unbearable heat, which is so weakening and trying.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 16th.

* * * How satisfactory the accounts of dear good Arthur are! From the depth of my heart do I congratulate you on all that Colonel Elphinstone says about his character, for with a real moral foundation, and a strict sense of duty and of what is right and wrong, he will have a power to combat the temptations of the world and those within himself. I am sure that he will grow up to be a pride and pleasure to you, and an honor to his country.

Brown must have been glad to be allowed to continue wearing his kilt, and, as it is a national dress, it is far more natural that he should give it up nowhere. I am sure that he and Annie[89] must admire the place.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 26th.

I have just received your dear letter, and am so pleased to hear that you enjoyed your excursion, and that you have now seen the sort of wild scenery high up in the mountains, which I think so beautiful and grand in Switzerland. For all admirers of that style of scenery there is nothing to be compared to Switzerland.

Since it became cool again I have had neuralgia in my head, and I have had a dreadful sty, which had to be cut open, and made me quite faint and sick for the whole day. In spite of it I went to the station here, with a thick veil on, to see the Russian relations pass two days ago. The Emperor looks even more altered and worn since last year, and is suddenly grown so old.

KRANICHSTEIN, September 4th.

* * * How too delightful your expeditions must have been! I do rejoice that, through the change of weather, you should have been able to see and enjoy all that glorious scenery. Without your good ponies and Brown, etc., you would have felt how difficult such ascents are for common mortals, particularly when the horses slip, and finally sit down. I am sure all this will have done you good; seeing such totally new beautiful scenery does refresh so immensely, and the air and exertion--both of which you seem to bear so well now--will do your health good.

Yesterday we both were two hours at Jugenheim. To-day the two little cousins are coming to see my children.

Louis’ business is increasing daily, and until the 19th, manœuvres, inspections, etc., won’t be over. He will even have to be away on his birthday, which is a great bore. There is a great review for the Emperor on Saturday.

September 15th.

* * * Like a foolish frightened creature as I am, I have worried myself so much about this sudden talk of war and threatening in all the French papers, saying that October, November, or thereabouts would be a good time to begin. Do tell me, if you think there is the least reasonable apprehension for any thing of that sort this year. I have such confidence in your opinion, and you can imagine how in my present condition I must tremble before a recurrence of all I went through in 1866!

I am so grieved that you should be so unwell on the journey home. Dear beautiful Scotland will do you good. I envy your going there, and wish I could be with you, for I am so fond of it. Remember me to all the good people.

DARMSTADT, October 28th.

* * * The Queen of Prussia is coming to lunch with us on Saturday on her way to Coblenz.

I have a cold these last days, and Victoria is still confined to the house with her swelled neck. She had quite lost her appetite, and I tried some porridge for her, which she enjoys, and I hope it will fatten her up a little, for she is so thin and pale. Would you please order a small barrel of oatmeal to be sent to me? Dr. Weber thinks it would be very good for Victoria, and one cannot get it here.

DARMSTADT, November 20th.

It is with the greatest interest that I read about the Mausoleum,[90] as I was very anxious to know whether all would be finished. Having been present before at all the important steps in the progress of this undertaking, I feel very sorry to be absent at the last, and I shall be very impatient to see it all again.

Winter has quite set in now here, and when there is no wind the cold is very pleasant.

DARMSTADT, December 4th.

Thousand thanks for all your dear kind wishes, for your first letter to me, for the one to Louis, and finally for the eatables! I can’t tell you how touched, how pleased we both are at the kind interest all at home have shown us on this occasion. It has really enhanced our pleasure at the birth of our little son, to receive so many marks of sympathy and attachment from those in my dear native home, and in my present one. My heart is indeed overflowing with gratitude for all God’s blessings.

The time itself was very severe, but my recovery is up to now the best I have ever made, and I feel comparatively strong and well.

The girls are delighted with their brother, though Victoria was sorry it was not a sister. Darling Louis was too overcome and taken up with me at first to be half pleased enough. Baby is to be called by Louis’ Uncle Louis’ wish, _Ernst Ludwig_, after a former Landgrave;[91] then we would like you to give the name _Albert_; _Charles_, after my father-in-law; and _William_, after the King of Prussia, whom we mean to ask to be godfather. The christening is most likely to be on the 28th, or thereabout.

I am on my sofa in my sitting-room with all your dear photos, etc., around me, and your pretty quilt over me.

December 12th.

* * * Every new event in my life renews the grief for dear Papa’s loss, and the deep regret that he was not here to know of all, to ask advice from, to share joy and grief with, for he was such a tender father, and would have been such a loving grandfather.

You, darling Mama, fill his place with your own, and may God’s support never leave you, and ever enable you to continue fulfilling the many duties toward State and family! The love of your children and people encircles you.

DARMSTADT, December 18th.

* * * The presents you intend giving baby will delight us, and in later years I can tell him all about his Grandpapa, and how I wish and pray he may turn out in any way like him, and try and aim to become so.

I think it would be best, perhaps, if you asked my mother-in-law to represent you and hold baby. I think it would pain her, should any one else do it, and I will ask her in your name, if you will kindly telegraph me your approval.

I am sorry Arthur cannot come, it would have given us such pleasure had it been possible.

The greater part of baby’s monthly gowns have been put away, as from the beginning they were too small. He is so very big.

Christmas Day.

* * * Louis thanks you thousand times, as we do, for the charming presents for the children. They showed them to every one, shouting: “This is from my dear English Grandmama”; and Ella, who is always sentimental, added: “She is so very good, my Grandmama.” Irene could not be parted from the doll you gave her, nor Victoria from hers. Baby was brought down, and was wide awake the whole time, looking about with his little bright eyes like a much older child.

We spent a very happy Christmas eve, surrounded by the dear children and our kind relations.

DARMSTADT, December 29th.

* * * Prince Hohenzollern with three gentlemen were sent by the King, and the former dined with us after the ceremony. All went off so well, and baby, who is in every way like a child of two months, looked about him quite wisely, and was much admired by all who saw him.

I am so sorry that you have never seen my babies since Victoria, for I know you would admire them, they look so mottled and healthy. Weather permitting, baby is to be photographed to-morrow.

1869.

The winter passed quickly and quietly amidst many occupations.

In May the Prince and Princess, with their children, went on a visit to the Crown Prince and Princess of Prussia at Potsdam, where they spent four happy weeks. Whilst they were there, the Viceroy of Egypt paid a visit to Berlin. Later in the summer they went to Silesia, and spent some time at Fischbach, a property belonging to Princess Charles of Hesse, whose sister, the Queen of Bavaria, and brother, Prince Adalbert of Prussia, joined them there. During their stay, the Prince and Princess made excursions into the neighboring mountains, and ascended the Schneekoppe; and the Prince and his brothers visited the battlefield of Königsgrätz. On the way back to Darmstadt they visited Dresden, to see the King and Queen of Saxony at their country seat, Pillnitz, an hour’s drive from Dresden.

In August, the King of Prussia for the first time personally inspected the Hessian troops. The Prince commanded the troops at the manœuvres in Upper Hesse, at the conclusion of which they paraded before the King of Prussia at Bergen.

Some weeks later, the Prince and Princess of Wales and their family paid Prince and Princess Louis a visit at Kranichstein. The opening of the Idiot Asylum built by the Princess took place on the 15th of October in her presence and that of the Prince. It had been arranged that Prince Louis should accompany the Crown Prince of Prussia on his journey to the East, on the occasion of the opening of the Suez Canal. He started on the 9th of October for Venice. The two Princes visited Corfu, Athens, and Constantinople, and were received with every possible honor in the capitals of Greece and Turkey. They went on to Jaffa, and thence to Jerusalem, Hebron, Damascus, and Baalbec, and finally, on the 15th of November, they arrived at Port Said, where they met a large number of other Princes. A journey up the Nile as far as the first and second cataracts brought their travels to an end. They returned home by way of Naples, and through Italy.

During the absence of the two Princes, the Crown Princess of Prussia and Princess Alice, with her little son, went to Cannes. Whilst there, the Princess devoted herself entirely to the care of her child. Being together with her sister, and in that sunny country, made up somewhat for the long separation from her husband. The Princes joined the two Princesses at Cannes shortly before Christmas. The new year saw them all at home again.

DARMSTADT, January 8th.

* * * Dear charming Lady Frances [Baillie] is on a visit with us, and I enjoy having her so much. We talk of old times at Frogmore, and so many pleasant recollections.

I am glad that you like baby’s photograph, though it does not do him justice. He is a pretty baby on the whole, and has a beautiful skin, very large eyes, and pretty mouth and chin; but his nose is not very pretty, as it is so short at present. He is a dear good child, and, though immensely lively, does not give much trouble. He is a great source of happiness to us, and I trust will continue so.

DARMSTADT, January 13th.

* * * Is not the death of Leopold’s son shocking?[92] Such suffering, such a struggle for months between life and death; and for the poor parents to have in the end to relinquish their child, their only son! I think it heart-rending. May the Almighty continue to support them even now, as he did these many months! I cannot say how much and truly I feel for them both. This world is full of trials, and some seem to be called upon to suffer and give up so much. Faith and resignation alone can save those hearts from breaking, when the burden must be so heavy.

A few days ago at two o’clock we had another shock [of earthquake], and it seemed as if the house rocked; at the same time the unearthly noise. I think it uncommonly unpleasant, particularly this repetition.

January 30th.

Our thoughts and prayers are so much with you and dear Leopold on this day [his Confirmation]. May the Almighty bless and protect that precious boy, and give him health and strength to continue a life so well begun and so full of promise!

It seems to me quite incredible, the eighth of us should already be old enough to take this step in life, and to have his childhood in fact behind him. Dear Papa’s blessing surely rests on him, and his spirit is near you as you stand there alone by the side of his child, about whom he always was so anxious.

February 5th.

* * * Beloved Papa’s cast arrived a few days ago, and stands in my bedroom. I think it very beautiful, and thank you so warmly for having sent it me.