Part 16

Poor Orchard, whose leg is very painful and swelled, is to go to bed for a week for entire rest of the limb. You can imagine how inconvenient this is, as we have only Emma and Kathrinchen for the others and baby. You will be amused when I tell you that old Amelung is coming to sleep with baby, and take charge of him; but she is too old and out of practice to be able to wash and dress him morning and evening besides, so I do that, and it is of course a great assistance to all, my being able to do it, and I don’t mind the trouble. Of a morning, as Louis is usually out riding or at his office, I take Victoria and Ella out, who are very good little girls and very amusing.

DARMSTADT, March 8th.

* * * We shall go to Potsdam the first week in May, and from there go for a week or ten days to Fischbach. My mother-in-law, Tante Mariechen, and Uncle Adalbert, are all going to spend my mother-in-law’s birthday there.

The Moriers are going to England in the first days of April, and I hope that you will see them. We see a good deal of them, and like them both much. He is wonderfully clever and learned, and takes interest in every thing; and she is very agreeable, and a most satisfied, amiable disposition--always contented and amused.

March 19th

I thought of you so much on the 16th. From that day dated the commencement of so much grief and sorrow; yet in those days you had _one_, darling Mama, whose first thought and deepest was to comfort and help you, and I saw and understood only then _how_ he watched over you, and how and everywhere he sought to ward off all that was painful and strange from you, and took all that pain alone for himself for your sake! I see his dear face--so pale, and so full of tears, when he led me to you early that morning after all was over and said, “Comfort Mama,” as if those words were a _Vorbedeutung_ [presage] of what was to come. In those days I think he knew how deep my love was for you, and that as long as I was left in my home, my first and only thought should be you and you alone! This I held as my holiest and dearest duty, until I had to leave you, my beloved Mother, to form a home and family for myself, and new ties which were to take up much of my heart and strength.

But that bond of love, though I can no more be near you, is as strong as ever.

DARMSTADT, March 23d.

* * * Yesterday it was very warm, and to-day it snows; the weather continues so changeable and many people are ill. Ella has again had one of her bad attacks in her throat, but, thank God, it passed away very soon. Two nights ago she could not speak--barely breathe--and was so uncomfortable, poor child. It makes one so anxious each time; but I hope she will outgrow it, when she is six or seven years old.

Victoria is already now composing a letter for your birthday. I won’t have her helped, because I should like you to see her own ideas and style--it is much more amusing.

March 26th.

* * * We had such an unexpected pleasure the other day in the visit of good General Seymour, and I was so pleased to see some one who had seen you lately, and who could give me news of my home. He had not been here since he came with us after our marriage, and was of course interested in seeing every thing.

April 2d.

* * * The constant anxiety about the children is dreadful; and it is not physical ill one dreads for them, it is moral: the responsibility for these little lent souls is great, and, indeed, none can take it lightly who feel how great and important a parent’s duty is.

DARMSTADT, April 5th.

* * * Thousand thanks for your dear letter, and for all the tender wishes for our dear child’s birthday! The child born under your roof and your care is of course your particular one, and later, if you wish to keep her at any time when we have been paying you a visit, we shall gladly leave her.

Victoria is so delighted with what you sent her, and sends her very warmest thanks and her tenderest love. She is in great beauty just at present, as she is grown stouter; and I look with pleasure on those two girls when they go out together. They possess, indeed, all we could wish, and are full of promise. May the Almighty protect them and give them a long life, to be of use and a joy to their fellow-creatures!

April 16th.

* * * Rain and wind have at length cooled the air, for this heat without any shade was too unpleasant. Louis left at five this morning to inspect the garrison at Friedberg and Giessen, and then to go to Alsfeld to shoot _Auerhähne_ [capercailzies]. He will return on the 21st or 22d probably.

We shall indeed be so pleased, if later you wish to have any of the granddaughters with you, to comply with any such wish, for I often think so sadly for your dear sake, how lonely it must be when one child after another grows up and leaves home; and even if they remain, to have no children in the house is most dreary. Surely you can never lack to have some from amongst the many grandchildren; and there are none of us, who would not gladly have our children live under the same roof where we passed such a happy childhood, with such a loving Grandmama to take care of them.

April 25th.

* * * May I only know the way to give my children as much pleasure and happiness as you have ever known to give me!

The dinner of family and suite is here in the house to-day--or rather I should call it a luncheon, as it is at two o’clock.

The Irish Church question, I quite feel with you, will neither be solved nor settled in this way; and instead of doing something which would bring the Catholics more under the authority of the State, they will, I fear, be the more powerful. It seems to me that one injustice (with regard to the Protestants) is to be put in the place of a former one, instead of doing justice to both, which would not have been an impossibility through some well-considered settlement and giving in on both sides. Such a _changement_ requires so much thought and wisdom, and, above all, impartiality.

May 3d.

* * * My children are, on the whole, very well behaved and obedient, and, save by fits and starts, which don’t last long, very manageable. I try to be very just and consistent in all things toward them, but it is sometimes a great trial of patience, I own. They are so forward, clever, and spirited, that the least spoiling would do them great harm.

How glad I am that the dear Countess [Blücher] is with you again; she is the pleasantest companion possible, and so dear and loving, and she is devoted to you and dear Papa’s memory as never any one was.

POTSDAM, May 25th.

How much we thought of you yesterday, I can’t say! Lord Augustus Loftus lunched with us three and the elder children; and we drank your health, the band playing “God Save the Queen!” All our girls had wreaths of natural flowers in honor of the day.

POTSDAM, June 1st.

* * * To-day is regular March weather, and the palace is cold and draughty.

We were in Berlin yesterday, to visit the Gewerbe-Museum [Industrial Museum]; then luncheon at Lord Augustus Loftus’, and from thence to the Victoria bazaar and Victoria Stift, and then home.

It is always so tiring to see things at Berlin; an hour’s rail there and the same back takes so much time. Before returning, we paid a short visit to Baron Stockmar and his wife, who is very pleasing, and seems to suit him perfectly. They look as if they had always belonged to each other.

POTSDAM, June 13th.

Our time here is soon drawing to a close, much to my regret; for the life with dear Vicky--so quiet and pleasant--reminds me in many things of our life in England in former happy days, and so much that we had Vicky has copied for her children. Yet we both always say to each other, no children were so happy, and so spoiled with all the enjoyments and comforts children can wish for, as we were; and that we can never (of course, still less I) give our children all that we had. I am sure dear Papa and you, if you could ever hear how often, how tenderly, Vicky and I talk of our most beloved parents, and how grateful we are for what they did for us, would in some measure feel repaid for all the trouble we gave, and all the anxiety we caused. I ever look back to my childhood and girlhood as the happiest time of my life. The responsibilities, and often the want of many a thing, in married life can never give unalloyed happiness.

We are looking for a governess for the two elder girls for next year, and a lady with the necessary knowledge and character, and yet of a certain rank, is so difficult to find.

POTSDAM, June 19th.

Louis went two days ago to Fischbach for his mother’s birthday, and returns to-morrow morning. Vicky was very low yesterday; she has been so for the last week, and she told me much of what an awful time she went through in 1866, when dear Siggie [Sigismund] died. The little chapel is very peaceful and cheerful, and full of flowers. We go there _en passant_ nearly daily, and it seems to give dear Vicky pleasure to go there.

Vicky goes on the 7th of July to Norderney.

FISCHBACH SCHLESIEN, July 2d.

We arrived here in this exquisitely-lovely country two days ago, and were received by our parents-in-law and Aunt Mariechen, whose guests we are in the pretty old Castle of Fischbach, surrounded by fine old trees, with a view on the beautiful Riesengebirge, which reminds me a little of Scotland, and also of Switzerland. The valleys are most lovely and the numberless wooded hills, before one reaches the high mountains, are quite beautiful. The trees are splendid and the country looks very rich and green.

All the people of the village and the neighborhood came out to see us and our children, and old servants of Louis’ grandparents, who were so delighted and pleased that I and my children should be here, and that they should have lived to see the younger generation.

We are out seeing the beautiful spots nearly all day long. The weather is fine and not very warm, so that one can go about comfortably. Yesterday we went over for tea to Erdmannsdorf. If only dear Vicky and Fritz were there now! We must hope for another year to be there together. The parting from them, who had made our _séjour_ under their hospitable roof such a very happy one, was very sad, and the pouring rain was in accordance with our feelings. We left them and dear lovely Potsdam and the pleasant life there with much regret, and many a blessing do I send back in thought to its dear inmates.

Yesterday afternoon we were at Schmiedeberg. We went to see a very interesting carpet-manufactory, worked by hand, and all by girls, and a very simple process, much like making fringe, which you used to do and then make footstools of after Beatrice’s birth.

Yesterday our wedding-day--already seven years ago--made me think so much of Osborne, and of you, darling Mama, and of all that passed during that time. It was a quiet wedding in a time of much sorrow, and I often think how trying it must have been for you.

KRANICHSTEIN, July 21st.

Yesterday after eighteen hours’ very hot railway journey, we arrived here all well. Many thanks for your letter, which I received at Dresden. It was impossible to write, as I had to pay visits and to see things during those two days.

The Crown Prince and Princess received us at the station; the following day we paid our visits. I found Marie[93] in bed looking very well, and her baby, tied up in a cushion, seemed a nice child. Her other children are very pretty; the eldest girl is like George, and the little one has a quantity of fair curls, like Louis of Portugal’s boy. In the afternoon of that day the King and Queen came to see us, and were very kind. She is very like the Queen Dowager of Prussia, her twin sister, and her other sister, Queen Marie, is very like her twin sister, Archduchess Sophie. As they are first cousins, and very fond ones, of my father-in-law, they consider themselves of course as our aunts.

I went to see the picture-gallery, which has some exquisite pictures, though the Sistine Madonna surpasses all others, and the famous Holbein, of which the Dresden gallery has been for long so proud, is now recognized as a copy, and the one that belongs to my mother-in-law as the original. We visited the _Grüne Gewöbel_ [the Green Vaults], where the magnificent jewels and other treasures are preserved, and the King was kind enough to lead us over the rest of the castle himself, including his own rooms, in one of which the life-size pictures of his last four daughters (all dead) stand, of whom he cannot speak without tears. How dreadfully he and the poor Queen must have suffered these last years!

Uncle Louis is at Friedberg and intends remaining there all next month, till the manœuvres are over. Alice Morier will accompany me.

KRANICHSTEIN, July 25th.

Thousand thanks for your kind letter which I received yesterday, at the same time that the beautiful christening present for Ernest arrived! Thousand thanks for this most beautiful and precious gift for our boy, from Louis and from myself! We are so pleased with it! It is to be exhibited here, and it will interest and delight all who see it, I am sure.

I have just received a letter from Bertie, announcing his arrival here for the 28th. We shall be greatly pleased to see them all; but we have so little room, and our house in town is all shut up and under repair, so that we shall have some trouble to make them comfortable and shall be quite unable to do it as we should wish. But I trust they will be lenient and put up with what we can offer.

The heat is very great, though this place is comparatively cool.

KRANICHSTEIN, July 29th.

Dear Bertie and Alix with their children arrived at Darmstadt after ten, and we brought them here by eleven o’clock last night. They are all looking well, but Bertie has shaved off his beard, which does not suit him. Dear Alix is unchanged, and certainly no fatter.

The children are very dear and pretty, but my boy is as tall as little Louise, and of course much bigger. I am so delighted to see them all again; it is such a great pleasure, as you can well imagine.

The pony you kindly sent us has just arrived, and to the great delight of all the children, who send their best thanks. We are all lodged very close together: Bertie and Alix, our bedroom and my dressing-room; we both, my sitting-room, and the passage-room; then come the different children. No gentlemen or ladies are in the house, as it was utterly impossible.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 11th.

* * * Victoria has often ridden on Dred, and also the other girls, on a Spanish saddle, and he goes very well. They delight in him. Baby rolls about the room anywhere now, and tries to crawl properly. He calls Papa, and tries no end of things; he is very forward, and is now cutting his fifth tooth, which is all but through.

FRIEDBERG, August 26th.

On this dear day I must send you a few words. The weather is so beautiful, and the sun so bright, as it used to be at Osborne in former years. I don’t care for the sun to shine on this day now, as it can’t shine on Him whose day it was. It makes one too _wehmüthig_ to think of darling Papa on those happy birthdays, and it must be more so for you than for any of us, poor Mama.

Yesterday was Ludwigstag; all the town decorated with flags, illuminations, etc., and English flags and arms with the Hessian everywhere.

We started on horseback along the high road at half-past seven this morning, and did not get off till one. A lovely country and very interesting to see. To-morrow we shall have a very long march, and the night Alice Morier, I and William (Louis is undecided) will spend at Prince Ysenburg’s at Büdingen. The next morning we have to ride off at half-past five, and a long day back here.

KRANICHSTEIN, September 11th.

* * * What charming expeditions you must have made in that lovely country?[94] What I saw of it some years ago I admired so intensely. You can well be proud of all the beauties of the Highlands, which have so entirely their own stamp, that no Alpine scenery, however grand, can lessen one’s appreciation for that of Scotland.

The day before yesterday we went to Mayence to see a “_Gewerbe-Ausstellung_” [Industrial Exhibition] of the town, which was very good and tastefully arranged. From there we went to Frankfort to our palace, for a rendezvous with Aunt Cambridge, Uncle George, Augusta and Fritz Strelitz. I showed them the children, and afterwards, when our relations left, we took our children to the Zoölogical Garden, which delighted them.

Many thanks for the grouse, which has just arrived, the first since two years ago!

DARMSTADT, October 3d.

* * * I am very glad that you also approve of Louis’ journey, which I know will be so useful and interesting for him, though it was not possible to attain this without parting from each other, which is, of course, no small trial for us, who are so unaccustomed to being separated. But we never thought of that when we considered the plan of Louis joining Fritz, which was my idea, as travelling in new countries is so good for a man, and Louis may never find so good a chance again. I am looking forward very much to seeing Geneva--where we spend a day--and the south of France, and above all, seeing the sea again. Fritz passes through here to-morrow. Louis starts Saturday morning, _viâ_ Munich, for Venice, where he will join Fritz next Sunday afternoon, and spend the following Monday there before they go to Brindisi. Vicky comes here with her children on the 12th or 13th, and a suite of twenty-five people. She goes on with the big boys to Baden, and I follow with the other children on the following day. I don’t like separating Victoria and Ella, who like being together; the three girls will be so well taken care of at their grandparents’. I have written down rules for meals, going out, to bed, to lessons, etc.; and my mother-in-law, who never interferes, will see that all is carried out as I wish. I shall miss them so much, but having one child at least is a comfort; and baby is beginning to talk, and is so funny and dear, and so fond of me that he will be company to me when I am alone. I take no one but Orchard, Eliza, Beck, and my _Haushofmeister_ [Steward], who used to be with Lord Granville.

DARMSTADT, October 11th.

Yesterday morning at eleven we had the hard separation from each other, which we both felt very much. My own dear, tender-hearted Louis was quite in the state he was in when we parted at Windsor in 1860 after our engagement. He does not like leaving his children, his home, and me, and really there are but few such husbands and fathers as he. To possess a heart like his, and to call it my _own_, I am ever prouder of and more grateful for from year to year. Nowadays young men like Louis are rare enough, for it is considered fine to neglect one’s wife, and for the wife also to have amusements in which her husband does not share. We sisters are singularly blessed in our husbands.

Dear kind Countess Blücher has been here the last two days--such a happiness to me just now, for the house feels far too lonely.

GRAND HÔTEL, CANNES, November 5th.

* * * I have this instant received another letter from dear Louis from Constantinople, giving the accounts of what they did and saw there until the 29th ult., when they left for Jaffa. He seems delighted, and very greatly interested with all he has seen. Louis thought so much of the Sultan’s English visit in 1867, on seeing him again. He found him more talkative than then. He saw also several of the suite who were in England. They went to Scutari, into the Black Sea, and visited all in and near Constantinople, and on the last day they visited the Emperor of Austria, who had just arrived. There is something very funny in hearing of these Royalties, one after another, all running to the same places. They must bore the Sultan considerably.

This journey will be of great advantage to dear Louis, who has never had an opportunity (through marrying so young) of travelling like others.

This afternoon we went to see poor Princess Waldeck. She is still in great grief at the loss of her eldest daughter, who suffered so long, and knew she was dying, and bore her lot with such resignation and such goodness. She was only fifteen and a half, I think.

I was very much pleased to see Lord and Lady Russell again the other day. We hope to be able to pay them a visit at San Remo, though one can’t go and return in the same day.

The country has looked too lovely to-day; the sunset is always most beautiful, for it sets behind the Esterel Mountains, which lie to the right from this bay, and have a very lovely jagged form.

I am reading to Vicky a new Life of Napoleon, by Lanfrey, which is very well and impartially written.

CANNES, December 14th.

* * * The heavenly blue sea, stretching so far and wide, is in accordance with one’s feelings, and the beauties of nature have always something comforting and soothing. * * *

The Duke of Argyll’s sister, with his pretty daughter, Victoria, are here, and we have been twice to see them, and are distressed that they should be so anxious about the dear Duchess, of whom the news to-day is worse. How dreadful, should any thing happen to her, for her husband and for the many children!

The Eburys and Lord Dalhousie have likewise arrived here, but we have not seen them yet.