Part 2

There has been of late years a healthy revolt against the excessive use of crepe or the wearing of mourning for an undue period. Mourning is first of all a protection, for in these busy days and in a large city a death affecting our acquaintances is not always known to us. If we meet a friend wearing black we are instantly apprised that she has suffered the loss of a near member of her family. It is easy to say under such circumstances, "I am very sorry to see you in black," or "I am afraid I have not heard of your loss."

For a father or mother full mourning, that is, black unrelieved by any touch of white, is worn for a year, and at the end of that period half mourning, consisting first of white with black, and then violet and gray, is worn for the second year. For a brother or sister or grandparent black is worn for six months, and then half mourning for the six months preceding the wearing of ordinary colors. What is called complimentary mourning, put on at the death of a relative by marriage, consists of the wearing of black for a period of from six weeks to a year, depending on the closeness of the personal relationship. For instance, in the case of the death of a mother-in-law residing in a distant city, it would only be necessary for a woman to wear black for a few weeks following the funeral. If, on the other hand, she resides in the same place and is a great deal in the company of her husband's family, it would show more tact and affection on her part to refrain from wearing colors for a longer period.

Crepe is no longer obligatory in even first mourning. Many widows only wear the crepe-bordered veil hanging from the conventional bonnet for the funeral services and for a few weeks afterward, when it is replaced by an ordinary hat and veil of plain black net bordered with thin black silk. Widows wear neck and cuff bands of unstarched white book muslin, this being the only sort of white permitted during the first period of mourning. Young widows, especially those who must lead an active life, often lighten their mourning during the second year and discard it at the end of the second year. Of course the conventional period of mourning for a widow is three years, but, if there should be any indication that a second marriage is contemplated, black should gradually be put aside.

However, the discarding of mourning is no indication that a woman is about to change her name, and the wearing of black is so much a matter of personal feeling that a woman should not be criticised for curtailing the conventional period.

In this country it is not the custom for young children to wear mourning, and with men the wearing of a black band about the hat or on the left arm is all that is deemed necessary.

A woman wearing full mourning refrains from attending the theater or any large functions. She may properly be seen at concerts, club meetings or lectures, and she may receive and visit her friends informally.

ETIQUETTE OF THE VISITING CARD.

The prevailing shape for a woman's card is nearly square (about 2-1/2 by 3 inches), while the correct form for a man's card is slightly smaller. The color should be pure white with a dull finish, while the engraving, plain script or more elaborate text, is a matter of choice and fashion varying from time to time. It is safe to trust the opinion of a first-class stationer in this matter, for styles fluctuate, and he should be constantly informed of what polite usage demands.

A woman's card should always bear the prefix "Miss" or "Mrs." There is no exception to this rule save in the case of women who have regularly graduated in medicine or theology and who are allowed therefore the use of "Dr." or "Rev." before the name. "Miss" or "Mrs." should not be used in addition to either of these titles.

The card of a married woman is engraved with her husband's full name, such as Mrs. William Eaton Brown, but she has no right to any titles he may bear. If he is a judge or colonel she is still Mrs. James Eaton Brown and not Mrs. Judge or Mrs. Colonel Brown.

A widow may with propriety retain the same visiting card that she used during the lifetime of her husband, especially if she has no grown son who bears his father's name. In that case she generally has her cards engraved with a part of her full maiden name before her husband's name, such as Mrs. Mary Baker Brown. In this country a divorced woman, if she has children, does not discard her husband's family name, neither does she retain his given name. For social purposes she becomes Mrs. Mary Baker Brown or, if she wishes, Mrs. Baker Brown.

The address is engraved in the lower right corner of the visiting-card, and, if a woman has any particular day for receiving her friends, that fact is announced in the lower left corner. As a rule even informal notes should not be written on a visiting-card, although when a card accompanies a gift it is quite proper to write "Best wishes" or "Greetings" on it. This is even done when a card does not accompany a gift, but it should be borne in mind that a card message should not take the place of a note of thanks or be used when a more formal letter is necessary.

A man's visiting-card should bear his full name with the prefix "Mr." unless he has a military title above the grade of lieutenant or is a doctor or clergyman. In these cases the proper title should be used in place of "Mr." Courtesy titles, although they may be common usage in conversation and a man may be known by them, are best abandoned on the visiting-card.

During the first year of marriage cards are engraved thus:

Mr. and Mrs. William Eaton Brown

and this card may be used in sending presents, returning wedding civilities or making calls, even when the bride is not accompanied by her husband. After the first year these cards are discarded, and husband and wife have separate visiting-cards.

In some communities it is not the custom for a young girl to make formal calls without her mother. To meet this requirement the girl's name with the prefix "Miss" is engraved on her mother's card, below her mother's name.

It is no longer considered necessary to leave a number of cards at the same house when calling in person or sending cards. If there are several women members of the family one card suffices. If a woman wishes to leave her husband's card she should leave two, one for the mistress and one for the man of the house. A woman never leaves a card for a man unless she has called on him on a matter of business and wishes him to be reminded of the fact.

At a tea or large afternoon reception a card should be left in the hall as a guest departs, so as to enable the hostess to preserve a record of those who have called on her. If she is not able to attend she should send her visiting-card so that it may arrive on the day of the function. After a dinner or any formal function she should make a personal call or leave her card in person.

When making an ordinary call it is not necessary to send one's visiting-card to the hostess by the servant who opens the door. Pronouncing the name distinctly is sufficient, but, if it is a first call, and there is danger that the hostess may not be familiar with the caller's address, it is best to leave a card on the hall table when leaving, no matter if the hostess herself conducts her visitor to the door.

When one is invited but unable to attend a church wedding it is necessary to send, on the day of the ceremony, cards to those who issue the invitations. An invitation to a wedding reception or breakfast demands a more formal acceptance sent immediately on receipt of the invitation and couched in the same manner in which the invitation reads.

A newcomer in town or a young married woman may receive a card from an older woman indicating her receiving days and hours. This is a polite invitation to call, and if she is unable to make a call at the time indicated she should send a card on that day.

Cards of condolence are left as soon as possible after learning of the affliction. It is not necessary to write anything on the card; in fact, it is better not to do so, for, if the acquaintance warrants a personal message, it should take the form of a letter. On the other hand it is quite proper in felicitating a friend on a happy event, such as the announcement of an engagement in the family or the arrival of a new baby, to send a visiting-card with "Congratulations" written on it.

There are times when it seems necessary to send cards to practically all one's acquaintances, This is wise after a long absence or a change of residence, and when one is leaving town for a long period it is proper to send cards with the French expression, "Pour prendre conge."

FORMALITIES IN DRESS AND ETIQUETTE.

"Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy" was old Polonius' advice to his son, and he counseled suitability as well. It is this question of suitability that is the hall mark of correct dressing. A safe rule to follow, especially in the case of a young woman, is not to be conspicuous in attire and to conform to the standards of dress as set down by older women of recognized standing in the town in which she lives and the community in which her social or business life is spent.

A young girl needs little adorning. Her school or college dresses should be characterized by their neatness, freshness, correctness of cut and utility rather than by elaborate trimmings or costly materials. Her party gowns are simpler than those of a girl who has left school, and she wears less jewelry. At the end of school life, if her parents are able and willing to give her a coming-out party, she begins her social career under the pleasantest auspices, and this is the opportunity for her first elaborate gown.

The Debutante.

The character of this gown depends largely on the nature of the entertainment given her.

It most commonly takes the form of an afternoon tea or reception to which her mother invites all of her friends as well as the younger set. The debutante receives with her mother and wears an elaborate frock of light material and color, made high in the neck and with elbow sleeves. Long white gloves are worn, and her hair is more elaborately arranged than it was during her school-girl period. In fact, she is now a full- fledged young lady and is dressed accordingly. Such a gown may serve later as an informal evening gown, or, if it is made with a detachable yoke, it may be worn as a dancing-frock or for any evening occasion for which a full evening gown is expected.

The receiving party at an afternoon function generally includes near relatives of the debutante, and a number of her intimate girl friends are asked to assist in various ways. These receive with her and her mother in the early part of the afternoon and later assist at the tea table or mingle among the guests. The ladies assisting do not wear hats, and the young girls in the party are gowned much like the debutante, except that their gowns may be less elaborate if they choose, and they do not carry flowers.

A popular girl or one with many family connections may count on a good many floral offerings on the occasion of her coming-out party. These are scattered about the room, either left in bunches or arranged in vases. One large bunch she generally carries in her left hand, and it is a wise girl who avoids singling out anyone of her men friends by carrying his flowers. A gift from her father or brother or the flowers sent by some friend of the family is the better choice. The success a girl makes during her first year in society depends more on her general popularity than on the devotion of any one man.

Afternoon Reception.

For an afternoon reception light refreshments, consisting of tea, coffee, chocolate, perhaps a light claret cup, with cakes and delicate sandwiches, are sufficient, and these are set out on a long table in a room adjoining the reception parlors.

If a large number of guests are expected it is necessary to have a maid or two in attendance to remove cups and saucers, keep the tea urn replenished with hot water and to bring additional cakes and sandwiches if the supply on the table is in danger of running short. Two women friends are generally asked to preside at the refreshment table, one at each end to pour tea and chocolate, and, as this task is an arduous one and much of the success of the entertainment depends on its being well done, it is advisable to relieve the ladies in charge during the afternoon. This, however, like every other feature of the entertainment, should be arranged beforehand. The charm of an afternoon reception lies in its apparent informality, but every detail should be considered in advance and all contingencies provided for. The debutante, and especially her mother, should be relieved from all such responsibilities before the guests begin to come.

The mother's duties consist in welcoming her guests and presenting her daughter to them. If many people are arriving the guests are quickly passed on to some one of the ladies assisting, whose duty it is to see that they meet some of those who are already in the room and are eventually asked to the tea table. A part of the receiving party, and certainly the hostess and her daughter, should remain together in a place where they may be easily found as the guests enter the room.

No more sympathetic act of friendship can be shown a debutante than to contribute toward the success of her party. Girls who are asked to assist should remember that their first duty is not to entertain their own friends who may happen to be present, but to see that everyone is welcome and that especially those who are not acquainted with many in the room have an opportunity to become so. Anyone asked to assist at a function of this sort is in a sense a hostess, and it is quite within her province to enter into conversation with any unoccupied guest whether she has been introduced or not.

The usual hours for an afternoon tea are from four to six, but in the case of a coming-out reception the hour is often prolonged to seven so as to allow more men to be present than would be the case if the time were restricted to the early afternoon. In these busy days few men are at liberty to make afternoon calls, and it is always a compliment to a girl if her tea includes a sprinkling of black coats. Whatever hours are decided on, they should be engraved on the cards sent out two weeks before the tea. These are of the form and size of an ordinary visiting-card and include the daughter's name below that of her mother's. If she is the eldest unmarried daughter or the only girl in the family the card reads as follows:

Mrs. Geo. Baker Blank Miss Blank

December 9, 1911 4 to 7 o'clock

The daughter's given name is only used in case she has an older unmarried sister.

Ball and Evening Reception.

A more elaborate form of coming-out party consists of a ball or of an evening reception followed by dancing, and in this case the card contains the word "Dancing" below the date of the entertainment and the hours at which it is given. Few homes are large enough to provide for even a small dance, and so a party of this sort is generally given at a hotel. The guests as well as the receiving party wear evening gowns without hats, and men are expected to come in full evening clothes, which means the long-tailed coats and not the popular Tuxedo, white gloves, and, although this is not obligatory, white waistcoats.

After a girl has been introduced into society she has her individual visiting-cards, makes her own calls and is allowed to receive her own friends. Social customs differ with locality, and the chaperon is less customary in the West than in the East. In many cities girls are allowed to go to the theater and to evening parties with a man friend without a married woman being included in the party. A wise girl, however, is careful that any man she meets shall be introduced as soon as possible to some older member of her family and to introduce a young man calling for the first time to either her mother or father. Also when she accepts an invitation to an evening's entertainment she insists that her escort shall call for her at her own home and bring her directly home at the close of it. Dining or supping at a restaurant alone with a young man is sure to expose a girl to criticism.

A Woman's Lunch.

There are many pleasant forms of entertainment offered to a young girl entering society in which men are not included, and the most popular of these is a woman's lunch. This is a favorite form of entertainment for a young married woman to give in honor of some girl friend who has just come out in society or whose engagement has just been announced. One o'clock or half after is the usual hour, and the meal is served in courses and is as elaborate as the household resources may allow. The decorations of the table are important, and three courses are sufficient if they are carefully arranged. Handsome street costumes are worn for a function of this sort, and the guest of honor, if there is one, dresses as the others do. Outer wraps are left in the hall or in a room put aside for this purpose, and, as a rule, hats are retained and gloves removed when the guests sit down at table.

The custom of wearing a hat during lunch is not an arbitrary one, and it is not universal. In France, for example, where social customs are most carefully observed, it is the custom to wear handsome afternoon gowns if invited for the noon meal and to remove hats. The noon meal there is a social function, and certain formalities are observed. In London, on the contrary, no matter if a number of guests are expected, lunch is an informal occasion, and women dress for lunch as they would for an afternoon tea.

Hats are worn and women are prepared to rush off afterwards to meet other engagements. The English custom prevails now in the large cities in America, and, moreover, women seem disinclined to remove their hats after they are once dressed for the round of the day's social obligations.

It is simpler and really quite conventional to leave the wearing of hats to the individual. The hostess should ask her guest if she wishes to take her hat off or retain it, and she can at the same time intimate to her guest, if she is a stranger in the town, what the others will probably do in this connection. True hospitality on the part of the hostess is to make her guests at ease, and true politeness on the part of the visitor is to conform to the rules governing the community that she is visiting.

PROPER APPAREL FOR MEN.

American gentlemen are no longer dependent on English tailors or on English fashions as they were some years ago. The American type of physique is a distinct one, and London tailors have never been able to fit American men as well as they do their own clients. Moreover social life is so different in the United States from what it is in England that men really need different clothes.

Practically all American men are business men for the working hours of the day, and few of them have any time or inclination for anything save business clothes while daylight lasts. For dinner or for the evening what are generally called evening clothes are permissible, and in fact obligatory in large cities for anything beyond the most informal home functions.

For the evening there is the informal and formal dress suit. The former consists of the long-tailed coat worn with either a white or black waistcoat. For a dancing party or formal dinner the white waistcoat is generally preferred, and, if it is worn, it must be accompanied by a white lawn tie. A made-up bow is considered incorrect. The accompaniments to a suit of this sort are patent-leather shoes and white kid gloves if dancing is a part of the evening programme.

The informal evening suit includes the shorter dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as it was formerly called, and, strictly speaking, this is only considered proper for the club or for parties where ladies are not expected to be present. However, men who commonly dress for dinner in the home circle generally prefer the dinner jacket to the long coat, and well-dressed men are often seen wearing it at small dinner parties, at the theater or at any informal evening event. This coat is always worn with a black tie and waistcoat, and it is not a suitable apparel for a dance or any large formal evening affair.

The correct dress for a daytime wedding is a black frock coat with light trousers, light fancy waistcoat and gray gloves and gray Ascot or four-in-hand tie, and the frock coat with black waistcoat proper for church or when making afternoon calls. Many young men are adopting for afternoon wear the English morning suit, which consists of a cutaway coat with trousers and waistcoat to match and made of some other color save black.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.

First Anniversary Cotton Wedding Second Anniversary Paper Wedding Third Anniversary Leather Wedding Fifth Anniversary Wooden Wedding Seventh Anniversary Woolen Wedding Tenth Anniversary Tin Wedding Twelfth Anniversary Silk and Fine Linen Wedding Fifteenth Anniversary Crystal Wedding Twentieth Anniversary China Wedding Twenty-fifth Anniversary Silver Wedding Thirtieth Anniversary Pearl Wedding Fortieth Anniversary Ruby Wedding Fiftieth Anniversary Golden Wedding Seventy-fifth Anniversary Diamond Wedding

HOW TO SELECT COLORS

The Natural Laws of Tints, Tones, Shades and Hues.