Part 13

RODRIGO--What do you know about it! There, read it: here! [_Taking out a paper and pointing to the place._] “The murderess of Dr. Schön....” [_Gives_ HUGENBERG _the paper. He reads_:]

HUGENBERG--“The murderess of Dr. Schön has in some incomprehensible way fallen ill of the cholera in prison.” It doesn’t say that she’s dead.

RODRIGO--Well, what else do you suppose she is? She’s been lying in the churchyard three weeks. Back in the left-hand corner behind the rubbish-heap where the little crosses are with no names on them, there she lies under the first one. You’ll know the spot because the grass hasn’t grown on it. Hang a tin wreath there, and then get back to your nursery-school or I’ll denounce you to the police. I know the female that beguiles her leisure hours with you!

HUGENBERG--[_To_ ALVA.] Is it true that she’s dead?

ALVA--Thank God, yes!--Please, do not keep me here any longer. My doctor has forbidden me to receive visitors.

HUGENBERG--My future life means so little now! I would gladly have given the last scrap of what life is worth to me for her happiness. Heigh-ho! One way or another I’ll sure go to the devil now!

RODRIGO--If you dare in any way to approach me or the doctor here or my honorable friend Schigolch too near, I’ll inform on you for intended arson. You need three good years of prison to learn where not to stick your fingers in! Now get out!

HUGENBERG--Fool!

RODRIGO--Get out! [_Throws him out the door. Coming down._] I wonder you didn’t put your purse at that rogue’s disposal, too!

ALVA--I won’t stand your damned jabbering! The boy’s little finger is worth more than all you!

RODRIGO--I’ve had enough of this Geschwitz’s company! If my bride is to become a corporation with limited liability, somebody else can go in ahead of me. I propose to make a magnificent trapeze-artiste out of her, and willingly risk my life to do it. But then I’ll be master of the house, and will myself indicate what cavaliers she is to receive!

ALVA--The boy has what our age lacks: a hero-nature; therefore, of course, he is going to ruin. Do you remember how before sentence was passed he jumped out of the witness-box and yelled at the justice: “How do you know what would have become of =you= if you’d had to run around the cafés barefoot every night when you were ten years old?”

RODRIGO--If I could only have given him one in the jaw for that right away! Thank God, there are jails where scum like that gets some respect for the law pounded into them.

ALVA--One like him might have been my model for my “World-conqueror.” For twenty years literature has presented nothing but demi-men: men who can beget no children and women who can bear none. That’s called “The Modern Problem.”

RODRIGO--I’ve ordered a hippopotamus-whip two inches thick. If that has no success with her, you can fill my cranium with potato-soup. Be it love or be it whipping, female flesh never inquires. Only give it some amusement, and it stays firm and fresh. She is now in her twentieth year, has been married three times and has satisfied a gigantic horde of lovers, and her heart’s desires are at last pretty plain. But the man’s got to have the seven deadly sins on his forehead, or she honors him not. If he looks as if a dog-catcher had spat him out on the street, then, with such women-folks, he needn’t be afraid of a prince! I’ll rent a garage fifty feet high and break her in there; and when she’s learnt the first diving-leap without breaking her neck I’ll pull on a black coat and not stir a finger the rest of my life. With her practical equipment it costs a woman not half the trouble to support her husband as the other way round, if only the man looks after the mental work for her, and doesn’t let the sense of the family go to wreck.

ALVA--I have learnt how to master humanity and drive it in harness before me like a well-broken four-in-hand,--but that boy sticks in my head. Really, I can still take private lessons in the scorn of the world from that schoolboy!

RODRIGO--She’ll just comfortably let her hide be papered with thousand-mark bills! I’ll extract salaries out of the directors with a centrifugal pump. I know their kind. When they don’t need a man, let him shine their shoes for them; but when they must have an artiste they’ll cut her down from the very gallows with their own hands and with the most binding compliments.

ALVA--In my circumstances there’s nothing left in the world that I should fear--but death. Yet in feelings and sensations I am the poorest beggar.--However, I can no longer scrape up the moral courage to exchange my established position for the excitements of the wild, adventurous life!

RODRIGO--She had sicked Papa Schigolch and me out on a hunt together to rout her out some strong antidote for insomnia. We each got a twenty-mark piece for expenses. There in the Nightlight Café we see the youngster sitting like a criminal on the prisoner’s bench. Schigolch sniffed at him from all sides, and remarked, “He is still virgin.” [_Up in the gallery, dragging steps are heard._] There she is! The future magnificent trapeze-artiste of the present age! [_The curtains part at the stair-head, and_ LULU _appears, supported by_ SCHIGOLCH _and in_ COUNTESS GESCHWITZ’S _black dress, slowly and wearily descending_.]

SCHIGOLCH--Hui, old moldy! We’ve still to get over the frontier to-day.

RODRIGO--[_Glaring stupidly at_ LULU.] Thunder of heaven! Death!

LULU--[_Speaks, to the end of the act, in the gayest tones._] Slowly! You’re pinching my arm!

RODRIGO--How did you ever get the shamelessness to break out of prison with such a wolf’s face?

SCHIGOLCH--Stop your snout!

RODRIGO--I’ll run for the police! I’ll give information! This scarecrow let herself be seen in tights? The padding alone would cost two months’ salary!--You’re the most perfidious swindler that ever had lodging in Ox-butter Hotel!

ALVA--Kindly refrain from insulting the lady!

RODRIGO--Insulting, you call that? For this gnawed bone’s sake I’ve worn myself away! I can’t earn my own living! I’ll be a clown if I can still stand firm under a broomstick! But let the lightning strike me on the spot if I don’t worm ten thousand marks a year for life out of your tricks and frauds! I can tell you that! A pleasant trip! I’m going for the police! [_Exit._]

SCHIGOLCH--Run, run.

LULU--He’ll take good care of himself!

SCHIGOLCH--We’re rid of =him=!--And now some black coffee for the lady!

ALVA--[_At the table left._] Here is coffee, ready to pour.

SCHIGOLCH--I must look after the sleeping-car tickets.

LULU--[_Brightly._] Oh, freedom! Thank God for freedom!

SCHIGOLCH--I’ll be back for you in half an hour. We’ll celebrate our departure in the station-restaurant. I’ll order a supper that’ll keep us going till to-morrow.--Good morning, Doctor.

ALVA--Good evening.

SCHIGOLCH--Pleasant rest!--Thanks, I know every door-handle here. So long! Have a good time! [_Exit, centre._]

LULU--I haven’t seen a room for a year and a half. Curtains, chairs, pictures....

ALVA--Won’t you drink it?

LULU--I’ve swallowed enough black coffee these five days. Have you any brandy?

ALVA--I’ve got some elixir de Spaa.

LULU--That reminds one of old times. [_Looks round the hall while_ ALVA _fills two glasses_.] Where’s my picture gone?

ALVA--I’ve got it in my room, so no one shall see it here.

LULU--Bring it here, do!

ALVA--Haven’t you got over your vanity even in prison?

LULU--How anxious at heart you get when you don’t see yourself for months! One day I got a brand-new dust-pan. When I swept up at seven in the morning I held the back of it up before my face. Tin doesn’t flatter, but I took pleasure in it all the same.--Get the picture out of your room. Shall I come, too?

ALVA--No, Heaven’s sake! You must spare yourself!

LULU--I’ve been sparing myself long enough now! [ALVA _goes out, right, to get the picture_.] He has heart-trouble; but to have to plague one’s self with imagination fourteen months!... He kisses with the fear of death on him, and his two knees shake like a frozen vagabond’s. In God’s name!... In this room--if only I had not shot his father in the back!

ALVA--[_Returns with the picture of_ LULU _in the Pierrot-dress_.] It’s covered with dust. I had leant it against the fireplace, face to the wall.

LULU--You didn’t look at it all the time I was away?

ALVA--I had so much business to attend to, with the sale of our paper and everything. Countess Geschwitz would have liked to have hung it up in her house, but she had to be prepared for search-warrants. [_He puts the picture on the easel._]

LULU--[_Merrily._] Now the poor monster is getting personally acquainted with the life of joy in Hotel Ox-butter!

ALVA--Even now I don’t understand how events hang together.

LULU--Oh, Geschwitz arranged it all very cleverly. I do admire her inventiveness. But the cholera must have raged fearfully in Hamburg this summer; and on that she based her plan for freeing me. She took a course in hospital nursing here, and when she had the necessary documents she journeyed to Hamburg with them and nursed the cholera patients. At the first opportunity that offered she put on the underclothes that a sick woman had just died in and which really ought to have been burnt. The same morning she traveled back here and came to see me in prison. In my cell, while the wardress was outside, we two, as quick as we could, exchanged underclothes.

ALVA--So that was the reason why the Countess and you fell sick of the cholera the same day!

LULU--Exactly, that was it! Geschwitz of course was instantly brought from her house to the contagious ward in the hospital. But with me, too, they couldn’t think of any other place to take me. So there we lay in one room in the contagious ward behind the hospital, and from the first day Geschwitz put forth all her art to make our two faces as like each other as possible. Day before yesterday she was let out as cured. Just now she came back and said she’d forgotten her watch. I put on her clothes, she slipped into my prison frock, and then I came away. [_With pleasure._] Now she’s lying over there as the murderess of Dr. Schön.

ALVA--So far as outward appearance goes you can hold your own with the picture as well as ever.

LULU--I’m a little peaked in the face, but otherwise I’ve lost nothing. Only one gets incredibly nervous in prison.

ALVA--You looked horribly sick when you came in.

LULU--I had to, to get our necks out of the noose.--And you? What have you done in this year and a half?

ALVA--I’ve had a succès d’estime in literary circles with a play I wrote about you.

LULU--Who’s your sweetheart now?

ALVA--An actress I’ve rented a house for in Karl Street.

LULU--Does she love you?

ALVA--How should I know that? I haven’t seen the woman for six weeks.

LULU--Can you stand that?

ALVA--You will never grasp it--but with me there’s the closest alternation between my sensuality and my creative powers. So, as regards you, for example, I have to make the choice of either setting you forth artistically or of loving you.

LULU--[_In a fairy-story tone._] I used to dream, once, every other night, that I’d fallen into the hands of a sadist.... Come, give me a kiss!

ALVA--It’s shining in your eyes like the water in a deep well one has just thrown a stone into.

LULU--Come!

ALVA--[_Kisses her._] Your lips have got pretty thin, sure enough.

LULU--Come! [_Pushes him into a chair and seats herself on his knee._] Do you shudder at me?--In Hotel Ox-butter we all got a lukewarm bath every four weeks. The wardresses took that opportunity to search our pockets as soon as we were in the water. [_She kisses him passionately._]

ALVA--Oh, oh!

LULU--You’re afraid that when I’m away you couldn’t write any more poems about me?

ALVA--On the contrary, I shall write a dithyramb upon your glory.

LULU--I’m only sore about the hideous shoes I’m wearing.

ALVA--They do not encroach upon your charms. Let us be thankful for the favor of this moment.

LULU--I don’t feel at all like that to-day.--Do you remember the costume ball where I was dressed like a knight’s squire? How those wine-full women ran after me that time? Geschwitz crawled round, round my feet, and begged me to step on her face with my cloth shoes.

ALVA--Come, dear heart!

LULU--[_In the tone with which one quiets a restless child._] Quietly! I shot your father.

ALVA--I do not love you less for that. One kiss!

LULU--Bend your head back. [_She kisses him with deliberation._]

ALVA--You hold back the fire of my soul with the most dexterous art. And your breast breathes so virginly too. Yet if it weren’t for your two great, dark, child’s eyes, I must needs have thought you the cunningest whore that ever hurled a man to destruction.

LULU--[_In high spirits._] Would God I were! Come over the border with us to-day! Then we can see each other as often as we will, and we’ll get more pleasure from each other than now.

ALVA--Through this dress I feel your body like a symphony. These slender ankles, this cantabile. This rapturous crescendo. And these knees, this capriccio. And the powerful andante of lust!--How peacefully these two slim rivals press against each other in the consciousness that neither equals the other in beauty--till their capricious mistress wakes up and the rival lovers separate like the two hostile poles. I shall sing your praises so that your senses shall whirl!

LULU--[_Merrily._] Meanwhile I’ll bury my hands in your hair. [_She does so._] But here we’ll be disturbed.

ALVA--You have robbed me of my reason!

LULU--Aren’t you coming with me to-day?

ALVA--But the old fellow’s going with you!

LULU--He won’t turn up again.--Is not that the divan on which your father bled to death?

ALVA--Be still. Be still....

CURTAIN

ACT II

SCENE--_A spacious salon in white stucco. In the rear wall, between two high mirrors, a wide folding doorway showing in the rear room a big card-table surrounded by Turkish upholstered chairs. In the left wall two doors, the upper one to the entrance-hall, the lower to the dining-room. Between them a rococo console with a white marble top, and above it_ LULU’S _Pierrot-picture in a narrow gold frame let into the wall. Two other doors, right; near the lower one a small table. Wide and brightly covered chairs stand about, with thin legs and fragile arms; and in the middle is a sofa of the same style (Louis XV)._

_A large company is moving about the salon in lively conversation. The men_--ALVA, RODRIGO, MARQUIS CASTI-PIANI, BANKER PUNTSCHU, _and_ JOURNALIST HEILMANN--_are in evening dress_. LULU _wears a white Directoire dress with huge sleeves and white lace falling freely from belt to feet. Her arms are in white kid gloves, her hair done high with a little tuft of white feathers._ GESCHWITZ _is in a bright blue hussar-waist trimmed with white fur and laced with silver braid, a tall tight collar with a white bow, and stiff cuffs with huge ivory links_. MAGELONE _is in bright rainbow-colored shot silk with very wide sleeves, long narrow waist, and three ruffles of spiral rose-colored ribbons and violet bouquets. Her hair is parted in the middle and drawn low over her temples. On her forehead is a mother-of-pearl ornament, held by a fine chain under her hair._ KADIDIA, _her daughter, twelve years old, has bright-green satin gaiters which yet leave visible the tops of her white silk socks, and a white-lace-covered dress with bright-green narrow sleeves, pearl-gray gloves, and free black hair under a big bright-green hat with white feathers_. BIANETTA _is in a loose-sleeved dress of dark-green velvet, the bodice sewn with pearls, and the skirt full, without a waist, embroidered at the hem with great false topazes set in silver_. LUDMILLA STEINHERZ _is in a glaring summer frock striped red and blue_.

RODRIGO _stands, centre, a full glass in his hand_.

RODRIGO--Ladies and gentlemen--I beg your pardon--please be quiet--I drink--permit me to drink--for this is the birthday party of our amiable hostess--[_taking_ LULU’S _arm_] of Countess Adelaide d’Oubra--damned and done for!--I drink therefore -- -- and so forth, go to it, ladies! [_All surround_ LULU _and clink with her_. ALVA _presses_ RODRIGO’S _hand_.]

ALVA--I congratulate you.

RODRIGO--I’m sweating like a roast pig.

ALVA--[_To_ LULU.] Let’s see if everything’s in order in the card-room. [ALVA _and_ LULU _exeunt, rear_. BIANETTA _speaks to_ RODRIGO.]

BIANETTA--They were telling me just now you were the strongest man in the world.

RODRIGO--That I am. May I put my strength at your disposal?

MAGELONE--I love sharp-shooters better. Three months ago a sharp-shooter appeared in the Casino, and every time he went “bang!” I felt like this. [_She wriggles her hips._]

CASTI-PIANI--[_Who speaks thruout the act in a bored and weary tone, to_ MAGELONE.] Say, dearie, how does it happen we see your nice little princess here for the first time to-night? [_Meaning_ KADIDIA.]

MAGELONE--Do you really find her so delightful?--She is still in the convent. She must be back in school again on Monday.

KADIDIA--What did you say, Mama?

MAGELONE--I was just telling the gentlemen that you got the highest mark in geometry last week.

HEILMANN--Some pretty hair she’s got!

CASTI-PIANI--Just look at her feet: the way she walks.

PUNTSCHU--By God, she’s a thoroughbred!

MAGELONE--[_Smiling._] But, my dear sirs, take pity on her! She’s nothing but a child still!

PUNTSCHU--That’d trouble me damned little! [_To_ HEILMANN.] I’d give ten years of my life if I could initiate the young lady into the ceremonies of our secret society!

MAGELONE--But you won’t get me to consent to that for a million. I won’t have the child’s youth ruined, the way mine was!

CASTI-PIANI--Confessions of a lovely soul! [_To_ MAGELONE.] Would you not grant your permission even for a set of real diamonds?

MAGELONE--Don’t brag! You’ll give as few real diamonds to me as to my child. You know that best yourself. [KADIDIA _goes into the rear room_.]

GESCHWITZ--But is nobody at all going to play, this evening?

LUDMILLA--Why, of course, Comtesse. I’m counting on it very much, for one!

BIANETTA--Then let’s take our places right away. The gentlemen will soon come then.

GESCHWITZ--May I ask you to excuse me just a second more? I must say a word to my friend.

CASTI-PIANI--[_Offering his arm to_ BIANETTA.] May I have the honor to be your partner? You always hold such a lucky hand!

LUDMILLA--Now just give me your other arm and then lead us into the gambling-hell. [_The three go off so, rear._]

MAGELONE--Say, Mr. Puntschu, have you still got a few Jungfrau-shares for me, maybe?

PUNTSCHU--Jungfrau-shares? [_To_ HEILMANN.] The lady means the stock of the funicular railway on the Jungfrau. The Jungfrau, you know,--the Virgin--is a mountain and they’re going to build a wire railway up it. [_To_ MAGELONE.] You understand,--just so there may be no confusion;--and how easy that would be in this select circle!--Yes, I still have some four thousand Jungfrau-shares, but I should like to keep those for myself. There won’t be such another chance soon of making a little fortune out of hand.

HEILMANN--I’ve only one lone share of this Jungfrau-stock so far. I should like to have more, too.

PUNTSCHU--I’ll try, Mr. Heilmann, to look after some for you. But I tell you beforehand you’ll have to pay drug-store prices for them!

MAGELONE--My fortune-teller advised me to look about me in time. All my savings are in Jungfrau-shares now. If it doesn’t turn out well, Mr. Puntschu, I’ll scratch your eyes out!

PUNTSCHU--I am perfectly sure of my affairs, my dearie!

ALVA--[_Who has come back from the card-room, to_ MAGELONE.] I can guarantee your fears are absolutely unfounded. I paid very dear for my Jungfrau-stock and haven’t regretted it a minute. They’re going up steadily from day to day. There never was such a thing before.

MAGELONE--All the better, if you’re right. [_Taking_ PUNTSCHU’S _arm_.] Come, my friend, let’s try our luck now at baccarat. [_All go out, rear, except_ GESCHWITZ _and_ RODRIGO, _who scribbles something on a piece of paper and folds it up, then notices_ GESCHWITZ.]

RODRIGO--Hm, madam Countess---- [GESCHWITZ _starts and shrinks_.] Do I look as dangerous as that? [_To himself._] I must make a bon mot. [_Aloud._] May I perhaps make so bold----

GESCHWITZ--You can go to the devil!

CASTI-PIANI--[_As he leads_ LULU _in_.] You will allow me a word or two.

LULU--[_Not noticing_ RODRIGO, _who presses his note into her hand_.] Oh, as many as you like.

RODRIGO--[_As he bows and goes out, rear._] I beg you will excuse me....

CASTI-PIANI--[_To_ GESCHWITZ.] Leave us alone!

LULU--[_To_ CASTI-PIANI.] Have I vexed you again somehow?

CASTI-PIANI--[_Since_ GESCHWITZ _does not stir_.] Are you deaf? [GESCHWITZ, _sighing deeply, goes out, rear_.]

LULU--Just say straight out how much you want.

CASTI-PIANI--With money you can no longer serve me.

LULU--What makes you think that we have no more money?

CASTI-PIANI--You handed out the last bit of it to me yesterday.

LULU--If you’re sure of that then I suppose it’s so.

CASTI-PIANI--You’re down to bedrock, you and your writer.

LULU--Then why all these words?--If you want to have me for yourself you need not first threaten me with execution.

CASTI-PIANI--I know that. But I’ve told you more than once that you are not the sort I fall for. I haven’t plundered you because you loved me, but loved you in order to fleece you. Bianetta is more to my taste from top to bottom than you. You set out the choicest lot of sweetmeats, and when one has frittered his time away at them he finds he’s hungrier than before. You’ve loved too long, even for our relations here. With a healthy young man, you only ruin his nervous system. But you’ll fit all the more perfectly in the position I have sought out for you.

LULU--You’re crazy! Have I commissioned you to find a position for me?

CASTI-PIANI--I told you, though, that I was an employment-agent.

LULU--You told me you were a police spy.

CASTI-PIANI--One can’t live on that alone. I was an employment-agent originally, till I blundered over a minister’s daughter I’d got a position for in Valparaiso. The little darling in her childhood’s dreams had imagined the life to be even more intoxicating than it is, and complained about it to Mama. On that, they nabbed me; but by reliable demeanor I soon enough won the confidence of the criminal police and they sent me here on a hundred and fifty marks a month, because they were tripling our contingent here on account of these everlasting bomb-explosions. But who can get along in Paris on a hundred and fifty marks a month? My colleagues get women to support them; but, of course, I found it more convenient to take up my former calling again; and of the numberless adventuresses of the best families of the entire world, whom chance brings together here, I have already forwarded many a young creature hungry for life to the place of her natural vocation.

LULU--[_Decisively._] I’m no good for that business.

CASTI-PIANI--Your views on that question make no difference whatever to me. The department of justice will pay anyone who delivers the murderess of Dr. Schön into the hands of the police a thousand marks. I only need to whistle for the constable who’s standing down at the corner to have earned a thousand marks. Against that, the House of Oikonomopulos in Cairo bids sixty pounds for you--twelve hundred marks--two hundred more than the Attorney General. And, besides, I am still so far a friend of mankind that I prefer to help my loves to happiness, not hurl them into misery.