Part 10

_Doct._ Begar den I haue as mockuater as de Inglish Iack dog, knaue.

_Host._ He will claperclaw thee titely bully.

_Doct._ Claperclawe, vat be dat?

_Host._ That is, he will make thee amends. 30

_Doct._ Begar I do looke he shal claperclaw me den, And Ile prouoke him to do it, or let him wag: And moreouer bully, but M. _Page_ and M. _Shallow_, And eke cauellira _Slender_, go you all ouer the fields to Frogmore?

_Pa._ Sir _Hugh_ is there, is hee? 35

_Host._ He is there: go see what humor hee is in, Ile bring the Doctor about by the fields: Will it do well?

_Shal._ We wil do it my host. Farewel M. Doctor.

_Exit all but the Host and Doctor._

_Doc._ Begar I will kill de cowardly Iack preest, 40 He is make a foole of moy.

_Host._ Let him die, but first sheth your impatience, Throw cold water on your collor, com go with me Through the fields to _Frogmore_, and Ile bring thee Where mistris _An Page_ is a feasting at a farm house, 45 And thou shalt wear hir cried game: sed I wel bully.

_Doct._ Begar excellent vel: and if you speake pour moy, I shall procure you de gesse of all de gentlemen mon patinces. I begar _I_ sall.

_Host._ For the which Ile be thy aduersary 50 To misteris _An Page:_ sed _I_ well?

_Doct._ I begar excellent.

_Host._ Let vs wag then.

_Doct._ Alon, alon, alon.

_Exit omnes._

NOTES: SCENE VII

24: _me_] _be._ 45: _a feasting_] _feasting._ 46: _bully_] _bully._ Halliwell. 48: _gesse_] _guests._ _patinces_] _patients._

_Enter syr Hugh and Simple._ [SC. VIII.]

_Sir Hu._ I pray you do so much as see if you can espie Doctor _Cayus_ comming, and giue me intelligence, Or bring me vrde if you please now.

_Sim._ _I_ will sir.

_Sir Hu._ Ieshu ples mee, how my hart trobes, and trobes, 5 And then she made him bedes of Roses, And a thousand fragrant poses, To shallow riueres. Now so kad vdge me, my hart Swelles more and more. Mee thinks _I_ can cry Verie well. There dwelt a man in _Babylon_, 10 To shallow riuers and to falles, Melodious birds sing Madrigalles.

_Sim._ Sir here is M. _Page_, and M. _Shallow_, Comming hither as fast as they can.

_Sir Hu._ Then it is verie necessary _I_ put vp my sword, 15 Pray give me my cowne too, marke you.

_Enter Page, shallow, and Slender._

_Pa._ God saue you sir _Hugh_.

_Shal._ God saue you M. parson.

_Sir Hu._ God plesse you all from his mercies sake now.

_Pa._ What the word and the sword, doth that agree well? 20

_Sir Hu._ There is reasons and causes in all things, _I_ warrant you now.

_Pa._ Well sir _Hugh_, we are come to crane Your helpe and furtherance in a matter.

_Sir Hu._ What is _I_ pray you? 25

_Pa._ {I}faith tis this sir _Hugh_. There is an auncient friend of ours, a man of verie good sort, so at oddes with one patience, that _I_ am sure you would hartily grieue to see him. Now sir _Hugh_, you are a scholler well red, and verie perswasiue, we would intreate you to see if you could intreat him to patience. 30

_Sir Hu._ _I_ pray you who is it? Let vs know that.

_Pa._ I am shure you know him, tis Doctor _Cayus_.

_Sir Hu._ _I_ had as leeue you should tel me of a messe of poredge, He is an arant lowsie beggerly knaue: 35 And he is a coward beside.

_Pa._ Why Ile laie my life tis the man That he should fight withall.

_Enter Doctor and the Host, they offer to fight._

_Shal._ Keep them asunder, take away their weapons.

_Host._ Disarme, let them question. 40

_Shal._ Let them keepe their limbs hole, and hack our English.

_Doct._ Harke van vrd in your eare. You be vn daga And de {I}ack, coward preest.

_Sir Hu._ Harke you, let vs not be laughing stockes to other mens humors. By Ieshu _I_ will knock your vrinalls about your knaues cock-comes, for missing your meetings and appointments. 45

_Doct._ O Ieshu mine host of de garter, _Iohn Rogoby_, Haue _I_ not met him at de place he make apoint, Haue I not?

_Sir Hu._ So kad vdge me, this is the pointment place, 50 Witnes by my Host of the garter.

_Host._ Peace I say gawle and gawlia, French and Wealch, Soule curer and bodie curer.

_Doc._ This be verie braue, excellent.

_Host._ Peace _I_ say, heare mine host of the garter, 55 Am _I_ wise? am I polliticke? am _I_ Matchauil? Shal _I_ lose my doctor? No, he giues me the motions And the potions. Shal _I_ lose my parson, my sir _Hu_? No, he giues me the prouerbes, and the nouerbes: Giue me thy hand terestiall, 60 So giue me thy hand celestiall: So boyes of art I haue deceiued you both, I haue directed you to wrong places, Your hearts are mightie, you skins are whole, _Bardolfe_ laie their swords to pawne. Follow me lads 65 Of peace, follow me. Ha, ra, la. Follow.

_Exit Host._

_Shal._ Afore God a mad host, come let vs goe.

_Doc._ _I_ begar haue you mocka may thus? I will be euen met you my Iack Host.

_Sir Hugh._ Giue me your hand doctor _Cayus_, 70 We be all friends: But for mine hosts foolish knauery, let me alone.

_Doc._ _I_ dat be veil begar _I_ be friends.

(_Exit omnes._

_Enter M. Foord._ [SC. IX.]

_For._ The time drawes on he shuld come to my house, Well wife, you had best worke closely, Or _I_ am like to goe beyond your cunning: I now wil seeke my guesse that comes to dinner, And in good time see where they all are come. 5

_Enter Shallow, Page, host, Slender, Doctor, and sir Hugh._

By my faith a knot well met: your welcome all.

_Pa._ I thanke you good M. _Ford_.

_For._ Welcome good M. _Page_, I would your daughter were here.

_Pa._ I thank you sir, she is very well at home. 10

_Slen._ Father _Page_ _I_ hope I haue your consent For Misteris _Anne?_

_Pa._ You haue sonne _Slender_, but my wife here, Is altogether for maister Doctor.

_Doc._ Begar I tanck her hartily. 15

_Host._ But what say you to yong Maister _Fenton?_ He capers, he daunces, he writes verses, he smelles All April and May: he wil cary it, he wil carit, Tis in his betmes he wil carite.

_Pa._ My host not with my consent: the gentleman is 20 Wilde, he knowes too much: If he take her, Let him take her simply: for my goods goes With my liking, and my liking goes not that way.

_For._ Well, I pray go home with me to dinner: Besides your cheare Ile shew you wonders: Ile 25 Shew you a monster. You shall go with me M. _Page_, and so shall you sir _{H}ugh_, and you Maister Doctor.

_{S. H}u._ If there be one in the company, I shal make two:

_Doc._ And dere be ven to, I sail make de tird:

_{S}ir {H}u_, In your teeth for shame,

_Shal._ wel, wel, God be with you, we shall haue the fairer Wooing at Maister _{P}ages:_

_Exit Shallow and Slender._

_Host._ Ile to my honest knight sir _Iohn Falstaffe_, And drinke Canary with him.

_Exit host._

For. I may chance to make him drinke in pipe wine, 35 First come gentlemen.

_Exit omnes._

_Enter Mistresse Ford, with two of her men, and a great buck busket._ [SC. X.]

_Mis. For._ Sirrha, if your M. aske you whither You carry this basket, say to the Launderers, I hope you know how to bestow it?

_Ser._ I warrant you misteris. _Exit seruant._

_Mis. For._ Go get you in. Well sir _Iohn_, 5 I beleeue I shall serue you such a trick, You shall haue little mind to come againe.

_Enter Sir Iohn._

_Fal._ Haue I caught my heauenlie Iewel? Why now let me die. _I_ haue liued long inough. This is the happie houre _I_ haue desired to see, 10 Now shall I sin in my wish, I would thy husband were dead.

_Mis. For._ Why how then sir _Iohn?_

_Fal._ By the Lord, Ide make thee my Ladie.

_Mis. For._ Alas sir _Iohn_, _I_ should be a verie simple Ladie. 15

_Fal._ Goe too, I see how thy eie doth emulate the Diamond. And how the arched bent of thy brow Would become the ship tire, the tire vellet, Or anie Venetian attire, I see it.

_Mis. For._ A plaine kercher sir _Iohn_, would fit me better. 20

_Fal._ By the Lord thou art a traitor to saie so: What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee Ther’s somewhat extraordinarie in thee: Goe too _I_ loue thee: Mistris _Ford_, _I_ cannot cog, _I_ cannot prate, like one Of these fellowes that smels like Bucklers-berie, 25 In simple time, but _I_ loue thee, And none but thee.

_Mis. For._ Sir _Iohn_, I am afraid you loue misteris _Page_.

_Fal._ I thou mightest as well saie I loue to walke by the Counter gate, 30 Which is as hatefull to me As the reake of a lime kill.

_Enter Mistresse Page._

_Mis. Pa._ Mistresse Ford, Mis. _Ford_, where are you?

_Mis. For._ O Lord step aside good sir _Iohn_. _Falstaffe stands behind the aras._ How now Misteris _Page_, what’s the matter? 35

_Mis. Pa._ Why your husband woman is comming, With halfe _Windsor_ at his heeles, To looke for a gentleman, that he ses Is hid in his house: his wifes sweet hart.

_Mis. For._ Speak louder. But _I_ hope tis not true Misteris _Page_. 40

_Mis. Pa._ Tis too true woman. Therefore if you Haue any here, away with him, or your vndone for euer.

_Mis. For._ Alas mistresse _Page_, what shall _I_ do? Here is a gentleman my friend, how shall I do?

_Mis. Pa._ Gode body woman, do not stand what shal I do, and 45 what shall _I_ do. Better any shift, rather then you shamed. Looke heere, here’s a buck-basket, if hee be a man of any reasonable sise, heele in here.

_Mis. For._ Alas I feare he is too big.

_Fal._ Let me see, let me see, Ile in, Ile in, 50 Follow your friends counsell.

_Mis. Pa._ Fie sir _Iohn_, is this your loue? Go too. (_Aside._

_Fal._ I loue thee, and none but thee: Helpe me to conuey me hence, Ile neuer come here more. 55

_Sir Iohn goes into the basket, they put cloathes ouer him, the two men carries it away: Foord meetes it, and all the rest, Page, Doctor, Priest, Slender, Shallow._

_Ford._ Come pray along, you shall see all. How now who goes heare? whither goes this? Whither goes it? set it downe.

_Mis. For._ Now let it go, you had best meddle with buck-washing. 60

_Ford._ Buck, good buck, pray come along, Master _Page_ take my keyes: helpe to search. Good Sir _Hugh_ pray come along, helpe a little, a little, He shew you all.

_Sir Hu._ By Ieshu these are iealosies and distemperes. 65

_Exit omnes._

_Mis. Pa._ He is in a pittifull taking.

_Mis._ I wonder what he thought When my husband bad them set downe the basket.

_Mis. Pa._ Hang him dishonest slaue, we cannot vse Him bad inough. This is excellent for your Husbands iealousie.

_Mi. For._ Alas poore soule it grieues me at the hart, But this will be a meanes to make him cease His iealous fits, if _Falstaffes_ love increase.

_Mis. Pa._ Nay we wil send to _Falstaffe_ once again, 75 Tis great pittie we should leaue him: What wiues may be merry, and yet honest too.

_Mi. For._ Shall we be condemnd because we laugh? Tis old, but true: still sowes eate all the draffe.

_Enter all._

_Mis. Pa._ Here comes your husband, stand aside. 80

_For._ _I_ can find no body within, it may be he lied.

_Mis. Pa._ Did you heare that?

_Mis. For._ I, I, peace.

_For._ Well, Ile not let it go so, yet Ile trie further.

_S. Hu._ By Ieshu if there be any body in the kitchin 85 Or the cuberts, or the presse, or the buttery, _I_ am an arrant Iew: now God plesse me: You serue me well, do you not?

_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_ you are too blame:

_Mis. Pa._ I faith tis not well M. _Ford_ to suspect 90 Her thus without cause.

_Doc._ No by my trot it be no vell:

_For._ Wel, I pray bear with me, M. _Page_ pardon me. _I_ suffer for it, _I_ suffer for it:

_Sir Hu:_ You suffer for a bad conscience looke you now: 95

_{F}ord:_ Well _I_ pray no more, another time {I}le tell you all: The mean time go dine with me, pardon me wife, I am sorie; M. _{P}age_, pray goe in to dinner, Another time {I}le tell you all.

_{P}a:_ Wel let it be so, and to morrow I inuite you all 100 To my house to dinner: and in the morning weele A birding, _I_ haue an excellent Hauke for the bush.

_{F}ord:_ Let it be so: Come M. _{P}age_, come wife; I pray you come in all, y’are welcome, pray come in.

_Sir Hu:_ By so kad vdgme, M. _{F}ordes_ is 105 Not in his right wittes:

_Exit omnes:_

_Enter sir Iohn Falstaffe._ [SC. XI.]

_Fal:_ _Bardolfe_ brew me a pottle sack presently:

_Bar:_ With Egges sir?

_Fal:_ Simply of it selfe, {I}le none of these pullets sperme {I}n my drink: goe make haste. Haue _I_ liued to be carried in a basket 5 And throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll. Well, and I be serued such another tricke, Ile giue them leaue to take out my braines and butter them, and giue them to a dog for a new-yeares gift. Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they had gone to drowne a blinde bitches puppies in the litter: and they 10 might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking: and the bottom had bin as deep as hell I should downe. I had bene drowned, but that the shore was sheluie and somewhat shallowe: a death that I abhorre. For you know the water swelles a man: and what a thing should I haue bene when I had bene swelled? By the Lord a 15 mountaine of money. Now is the Sacke brewed?

_Bar._ I sir, there’s a woman below would speake with you.

_Fal._ Bid her come vp. Let me put some Sacke among this cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles for pilles. 20

_Enter Mistresse Quickly._

Now whats the newes with you?

_Quic._ I come from misteris _{F}ord_ forsooth.

_Fal._ Misteris _Ford_, I haue had Ford inough, _I_ haue bene throwne into the Ford, my belly is full Of Ford: she hath tickled mee. 25

_Quic._ O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants mistooke, that euer liued. And sir, she would desire you of all loues you will meet her once againe, to morrow sir, betweene ten and eleuen, and she hopes to make amends for all.

_Fal._ Ten, and eleuen, saiest thou? 30

_Quic._ I forsooth.

_Fal._ Well, tell her Ile meet her. Let her but think Of mans frailtie: Let her iudge what man is, And then thinke of me. And so farwell.

_Quic._ Youle not faile sir? _Exit mistresse Quickly._ 35

_Fal._ _I_ will not faile. Commend me to her. I wonder _I_ heare not of M. _Brooke_, _I_ like his Mony well. By the masse here he is.

_Enter Brooke._

_For._ God saue you sir.

_{F}al._ Welcome good M. _Brooke_. You come to know how matters 40 goes.

_Ford._ Thats my comming indeed sir Iohn.

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_ I will not lye to you sir, I was there at my appointed time.

_For._ And how sped you sir? 45

_Fal._ Verie ilfauouredly sir.

_For._ Why sir, did she change her determination?

_Fal._ No M. _Brooke_, but you shall heare. After we had kissed and imbraced, and as it were euen amid the prologue of our incounter, who should come, but the iealous knaue her husband, and a 50 rabble of his companions at his heeles, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper. And what to do thinke you? to search for his wiues loue. Euen so, plainly so.

_For._ While ye were there?

_Fal._ Whilst I was there. 55

_For._ And did he search and could not finde you?

_Fal._ You shall heare sir, as God would haue it, A litle before comes me one _Pages_ wife, Giues her intelligence of her husbands Approach: and by her inuention, and _Fords_ wiues 60 Distraction, conueyd me into a buck-basket.

_Ford._ A buck basket!

_Fal._ By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in With foule shirts, stokins, greasie napkins, That M. _Brooke_, there was a compound of the most 65 Villanous smel, that euer offended nostrill. Ile tell you M. _Brooke_, by the Lord for your sake I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference Of a pack, Hilt to point, heele to head: and then to 70 Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish: A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was maruell I Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this, To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot: Maister _Brooke_, thinke of that hissing heate, Maister _Brooke_. 75

_Ford._ Well sir then my shute is void? Youle vndertake it no more?

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, {I}le be throwne into Etna As _I_ haue bene in the Thames, Ere I thus leaue her: _I_ haue receiued 80 Another appointment of meeting, Betweene ten and eleuen is the houre.

_{F}ord:_ Why sir, tis almost ten alreadie:

_{F}al:_ Is it? why then will _I_ addresse my selfe For my appointment: M. _Brooke_, come to me soone 85 At night, and you shall know how _I_ speed, And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her loue: You shall cuckold Foord: come to mee soone at at night. _Exit Falstaffe._

_{F}or._ {I}s this a dreame? {I}s it a vision? Maister _{F}ord_, maister _{F}ord_, awake maister _{F}ord_, 90 There is a hole made in your best coat M. _Ford_, And a man shall not onely endure this wrong, But shall stand vnder the taunt of names, _Lucifer_ is a good name, _Barbason_ good: good Diuels names: but cuckold, wittold, godeso 95 The diuel himselfe hath not such a name: And they may hang hats here, and napkins here Vpon my homes: well {I}le home, _I_ ferit him, And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him. Ile search vnpossible places: {I}le about it, 100 Least I repent too late:

_Exit omnes._

NOTES: SCENE XI

[SC. XI.] add _and Bardolfe._ 7, 11: _and_] _if_. 49: _euen_] om. 80: _I thus_] _thus I_ 88: _at at_] _at_.

_Enter M. {F}enton, {P}age, and mistresse Quickly._ [SC. XII.]

_{F}en:_ Tell me sweet Nan, how doest thou yet resolue, Shall foolish _Slender_ haue thee to his wife? Or one as wise as he, the learned Doctor? Shall such as they enjoy thy maiden hart? Thou knowst that _I_ haue alwaies loued thee deare, 5 And thou hast oft times swore the like to me.

_An:_ Good M. _{F}enton_, you may assure your selfe My hart is setled vpon none but you, Tis as my father and mother please: Get their consent, you quickly shall haue mine. 10

_{F}en:_ Thy father thinks I loue thee for his wealth, Tho I must needs confesse at first that drew me, But since thy vertues wiped that trash away, _I_ loue thee _Nan_, and so deare is it set, That whilst I liue, I nere shall thee forget. 15

[_Quic:_] Godes pitie here comes her father.

_Enter M. Page his wife, M. Shallow, and Slender._

_Pa._ M. _Fenton_ I pray what make you here? You know my answere sir, shees not for you: Knowing my vow, to blame to vse me thus.

_Fen._ But heare me speake sir. 20

_{P}a._ Pray sir get you gon: Come hither daughter, Sonne _Slender_ let me speak with you. (_they whisper._

_Quic._ Speake to misteris _{P}age_.

_Fen._ Pray misteris _{P}age_ let me haue your consent. _Mis. Pa._ Ifaith M. _Fenton_ tis as my husband please. For my part, Ile neither hinder you, nor further you.

_Quic._ How say you this was my doings? I bid you speake to misteris _{P}age_.

_Fen._ Here nurse, theres a brace of angels to drink, Worke what thou canst for me, farwell. (_Exit Fen._ 30

_Quic._ By my troth so I will, good hart.

_Pa._ Come wife, you an _I_ will in, weele leaue M. _Slender_ And my daughter to talke together. M. _Shallow_, You may stay sir if you please.

_Exit {P}age and his wife._

_Shal._ Mary _I_ thanke you for that: 35 To her cousin, to her.

_Slen._ Ifaith _I_ know not what to say.

_An._ Now M. _{S}lender_, what’s your will?

_Slen._ Godeso, theres a {I}est indeed: why misteris _An_, I neuer made will yet: _I_ thank God I am wise inough for that. 40

_Shal._ Fie cusse fie, thou art not right, O thou hadst a father.

_Slen._ I had a father misteris _Anne_, good vncle Tell the Iest how my father stole the goose out of The henloft. All this is nought, harke you mistresse _Anne_. 45

_Shal._ He will make you ioynter of three hundred pound a yeare, he shall make you a Gentlewoman.

_Slend._ I be God that I vill, come cut and long taile, as good as any is in _Glostershire_, vnder the degree of a Squire.

_An._ O God how many grosse faults are hid 50 And couered in three hundred pound a yeare? Well M. _{S}lender_, within a day or two Ile tell you more.

_Slend._ I thanke you good misteris _Anne_, vncle I shall haue her.

_Quic._ M. _{S}hallow_, M. _Page_ would pray you to come you, and you M. Slender, and you mistris _An_. 55

_Slend._ Well Nurse, if youle speake for me, Ile giue you more than Ile talke of.

_Exit omnes but Quickly._

_Quic._ Indeed I will, Ile speake what I can for you, But specially for M. _Fenton_: But specially of all for my Maister. 60 And indeed I will do what I can for them all three. _Exit._

_Enter misteris Ford and her two men._

_Mis. For._ Do you heare? when your M. comes take vp this basket as you did before, and if your M. bid you set it downe, obey him.

_Ser._ I will forsooth. 65

_Enter Syr Iohn._

_Mis._ For. Syr _Iohn_ welcome.

_Fal._ What are you sure of your husband now?

_Mis. For._ He is gone a birding sir _Iohn_, and I hope will not come home yet.

_Enter mistresse Page._

Gods body here is misteris _Page_, 70 Step behind the arras good sir _Iohn_.

_He steps behind the arras._

_Mis. Pa._ Misteris _Ford_, why woman your husband is in his old vaine againe, hees comming to search for your sweet heart, but I am glad he is not here.

_Mis. {F}or._ O God misteris _Page_ the knight is here, 75 What shall I do?

_Mis. Pa._ Why then you’r vndone woman, vnles you make some meanes to shift him away.

_Mis. For._ Alas I know no meanes, unlesse we put him in the basket againe. 80

_{F}al._ No Ile come no more in the basket, Ile creep vp into the chimney.

Mis _For._ There they use to discharge their Fowling peeces.

_{F}al._ Why then Ile goe out of doores.

_Mi. Pa._ Then your vndone, your but a dead man. 85