Part 11

_Fal._ For Gods sake deuise any extremitie, Rather then a mischiefe.

_Mis. Pa._ Alas I know not what meanes to make, If there were any womans apparell would fit him, He might put on a gowne and a mufler, 90 And so escape.

_Mi. For._ Thats wel remembred, my maids Aunt _Gillian_ of _Brainford_, hath a gowne aboue.

_Mis. {P}a._ And she is altogether as fat as he.

_Mis. For._ I that will serue him of my word. 95

_Mis. Pa._ Come goe with me sir _Iohn_, Ile helpe to dresse you.

_Fal._ Come for God sake, any thing.

_Exit Mis. Page and Sir Iohn._

_Enter M. Ford, {P}age, Priest, Shallow, the two men carries the basket, and Ford meets it._

_For._ Come along _I_ pray, you shal know the cause, How now whither goe you? Ha whither go you? Set downe the basket you ssaue, 100 You panderly rogue, set it downe.

_Mis. {F}or._ What is the reason that you vse me thus?

_For._ Come hither set downe the basket, Misteris _{F}ord_ the modest woman, Misteris _{F}ord_ the vertuous woman, 105 She that hath the iealous foole to her husband, I mistrust you without cause do I not?

_Mis. For._ I Gods my record do you. And if you mistrust me in any ill sort.

_Ford._ Well sed brazen face, hold it out, 110 You youth in a basket, come out here, Pull out the cloathes, search.

_Hu._ Ieshu plesse me, will you pull vp your wiues cloathes.

_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_, you are not to go abroad if you be in these fits.

_Sir Hugh._ By so kad vdge me, tis verie necessarie 115 He were put in pethlem.

_For._ M. _{P}age_, as _I_ am an honest man M. _{P}age_, There was one conueyd out of my house here yesterday out of this basket, why may he not be here now?

_Mi. For._ Come mistris _{P}age_, bring the old woman downe. 120

_For._ Old woman, what old woman?

_Mi. {F}or._ Why my maidens Ant, _Gillian_ of _Brainford_. A witch, haue I not forewarned her my house, Alas we are simple we, we know not what _Is_ brought to passe vnder the colour of fortune-Telling. Come 125 downe you witch, come downe.

_Enter Falstaffe disguised like an old woman, and misteris Page with him, Ford beates him, and hee runnes away._

Away you witch get you gone.

_{Sir H}u._ By Ieshu I verily thinke she is a witch indeed, I espied vnder her mufler a great beard.

_Ford._ Pray come helpe me to search, pray now. 130

_Pa._ Come weele go for his minds sake.

_Exit omnes._

_Mi. For._ By my troth he beat him most extreamly.

_Mi. Pa._ I am glad of it, what shall we proceed any further?

_Mi. For._ No faith, now if you will let vs tell our husbands of it. For mine I am sure hath almost fretted himselfe to death. 135

_Mi. Pa._ Content, come weele go tell them all, And as they agree, so will we proceed.

_Exit both._

NOTES: SCENE XII

[SC. XII.] _Page_] _Anne Page_. 16: [Quic:] from the Catchword. 69: _home_] om. 98: Priest] Hugh. 115: _By so_] _So_. 120: _Come_] om. 123: _A witch._] For. _A witch._

_Enter Host and Bardolfe._ [SC. XIII.]

_Bar._ Syr heere be three Gentlemen come from the Duke the Stanger sir, would haue your horse.

_Host._ The Duke, what Duke? let me speake with the Gentlemen, do they speake English?

_Bar._ He call them to you sir. 5

_Host._ No _Bardolfe_, let them alone, He sauce them: They haue had my house a weeke at command, I haue turned away my other guesse, They shall haue my horses _Bardolfe_, They must come off, He sawce them.

_Exit omnes._ 10

_Enter Ford, Page, their wives, Shallow and Slender, Syr Hu._ [SC. XIV.]

_Ford._ Well wife, heere take my hand, vpon my soule I loue thee dearer then I do my life, and ioy I haue so true and constant wife, my iealousie shall neuer more offend thee.

_Mi. For._ Sir _I_ am glad, and that which I haue done, Was nothing else but mirth and modestie. 5

_Pa._ I misteris _{F}ord_, _Falstaffe_ hath all the griefe, And in this knauerie my wife was the chiefe.

_Mi. Pa._ No knauery husband, it was honest mirth.

_Hu._ Indeed it was good pastimes & merriments.

_Mis. For._ But sweete heart shall wee leaue olde _{F}alstaffe_ so? 10

_Mis. Pa._ O by no meanes, send to him againe.

_Pa._ I do not thinke heele come being so much deceiued.

_For._ Let me alone, Ile to him once again like _Brooke_, and know his mind whether heele come or not.

_Pa._ There must be some plot laide, or heele not come. 15

_Mis. Pa._ Let vs alone for that. Heare my deuice. Oft haue you heard since _Horne_ the hunter dyed, That women to affright their litle children, Ses that he walkes in shape of a great stagge. Now for that _{F}alstaffe_ hath bene so deceiued, 20 As that he dares not venture to the house, Weele send him word to meet vs in the field, Disguised like _Horne_, with huge horns on his head. The houre shalbe iust betweene twelue and one, And at that time we will meet him both: 25 Then would I haue you present there at hand, With litle boyes disguised and dressed like Fayries, For to affright fat _{F}alstaffe_ in the woods. And then to make a period to the Iest, Tell _Falstaffe_ all, I thinke this will do best. 30

_Pa._ Tis excellent, and my daughter _Anne_, Shall like a litle Fayrie be disguised.

_Mis. Pa._ And in that Maske Ile make the Doctor steale my daughter _An_, and ere my husband knowes it, to carrie her to Church, and marrie her. 35

_Mis. For._ But who will buy the silkes to tyre the boyes?

_Pa._ That will _I_ do, and in a robe of white Ile cloath my daughter, and aduertise _Slender_ To know her by that signe, and steale her thence, And vnknowne to my wife, shall marrie her. 40

_Hu._ So kad vdge me the deuises is excellent. _I_ will also be there, and will be like a {I}ackanapes, And pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries.

_Mis. Pa._ Why then we are reuenged sufficiently. First he was carried and throwne in the Thames, 45 Next beaten well, _I_ am sure youle witnes that.

_{M}i. {F}or._ Ile lay my life this makes him nothing fat.

_{P}a._ Well lets about this stratagem, I long To see deceit deceiued, and wrong haue wrong.

_For._ Well send to _{F}alstaffe_, and if he come thither, 50 Twill make vs smile and laugh one moneth togither.

_Exit omnes._

NOTES: SCENE XIV

10: and Slender] Slender and.

[Transcriber’s Note: The number 10 refers to the last line of Scene XIII, carried over to the “Enter...” line in Scene XIV. In the original text, the two line 10’s were printed on the same page.]

14: ins. he speakes aboue.

_Enter Host and Simple._ [SC. XV.]

_Host._ What would thou haue boore, what thick-skin? Speake, breath, discus, short, quick, briefe, snap.

_Sim._ Sir, I am sent from my M. to sir _Iohn {F}alstaffe_.

_Host._ Sir _Iohn_, theres his Castle, his standing bed, his trundle bed, his chamber is painted about with the story of the prodigall, 5 fresh and new, goe knock, heele speak like an Antripophiginian to thee: Knock _I_ say.

_Sim._ Sir I should speak with an old woman that went vp into his chamber. 10

_Host._ An old woman, the knight may be robbed, Ile call bully knight, bully sir _Iohn_. Speake from thy Lungs military: it is thine host, thy Ephesian calls.

_Fal._ Now mine host,

_Host:_ Here is a Bohemian tarter bully, tarries the comming 15 downe of the fat woman: Let her descend bully, let her descend, my chambers are honorable, pah priuasie, fie.

_Fal._ Indeed mine host there was a fat woman with me, But she is gone.

_Enter sir Iohn._

_Sim._ Pray sir, was it not the wise woman of _Brainford?_ 20

_Fal._ Marry was it Musselshell, what would you?

_Sim._ Marry sir my maister _Slender_ sent me to her, To know whether one _Nim_ that hath his chaine, Cousoned him of it, or no.

_{F}al._ I talked with the woman about it. 25

_Sim._ And I pray you sir what ses she?

_Fal._ Marry she ses the very same man that Beguiled maister _{S}lender_ of his chaine, Cousoned him of it.

_Sim._ May I be bolde to tell my maister so sir? 30

_Fal._ _I_ tike, who more bolde.

_Sim._ _I_ thanke you sir, I shall make my maister a glad man at these tydings, God be with you sir. _Exit._

_Host._ Thou art clarkly sir _Iohn_, thou art clarkly, Was there a wise woman with thee? 35

_Fal._ Marry was there mine host, one that taught Me more wit then I learned this 7. yeare, And I paid nothing for it, But was paid for my learning.

_Enter Bardolfe._

_Bar._ O lord sir cousonage, plaine cousonage. 40

_Host._ Why man, where be my horses? where be the Germanes?

_Bar._ Rid away with your horses: After I came beyond Maidenhead, They flung me in a slow of myre, & away they ran.

_Enter Doctor._

_Doc._ Where be my Host de gartyre? 45

_Host._ O here sir in perplexitie.

_Doc._ I cannot tell vad be dad, But begar I will tell you van ting, Dear be a Garmaine Duke come to de Court, Has cosened all the host of _Branford_, 50 And _Redding_: begar I tell you for good will, Ha, ha, mine Host, am I euen met you? _Exit._

_Enter _Sir_ Hugh._

_{S}ir Hu._ Where is mine host of the gartyr? Now my Host, I would desire you looke you now, To haue a care of your entertainments, 55 For there is three sorts of cosen garmombles, _Is_ cosen all the Host of Maidenhead and Readings, Now you are an honest man, and a scuruy beggerly lowsie knaue beside: And can point wrong places, 60 _I_ tell you for good will, grate why mine Host. _Exit._

_Host._ _I_ am cosened _Hugh_, and coy _Bardolfe_, Sweet knight assist me, _I_ am cosened. _Exit._

_Fal._ Would all the worell were cosened for me, For I am cousoned and beaten too. 65 Well, _I_ neuer prospered since I forswore Myselfe at _Primero_: and my winde Were but long inough to say my prayers, Ide repent, now from whence come you?

_Enter {M}istresse Quickly._

_Quic._ From the two parties forsooth. 70

_{F}al._ The diuell take the one partie, And his dam the other, And theyle be both bestowed. _I_ haue endured more for their sakes, Then man is able to endure. 75

_Quic._ O Lord sir, they are the sorowfulst creatures That euer liued: specially mistresse _Ford_, Her husband hath beaten her that she is all Blacke and blew poore soule.

_Fal._ What tellest me of blacke and blew, 80 I haue bene beaten all the colours in the Rainbow, And in my escape like to a bene apprehended For a witch of _Brainford_, and set in the stockes.

_Quic._ Well sir, she is a sorrowfull woman, And I hope when you heare my errant, 85 Youle be perswaded to the contrarie.

_Fal._ Come goe with me into my chamber, Ile heare thee.

_Exit omnes._

NOTES: SCENE XV

81: _bene_] om.

_Enter Host and Fenton._ [SC. XVI.]

_Host._ Speake not to me sir, my mind is heauie, I haue had a great losse.

_{F}en._ Yet heare me, and as I am a gentleman, Ile giue you a hundred pound toward your losse.

_Host._ Well sir Ile heare you, and at least keep your counsell. 5

_{F}en._ Then thus my host. Tis not vnknown to you, The feruent loue _I_ beare to young _Anne Page_, And mutally her loue againe to mee: But her father still against her choise, Doth seeke to marrie her to foolish _Slender_, 10 And in a robe of white this night disguised, Wherein fat _Falstaffe_ had a mightie scare, Must _Slender_ take her and carrie her to _Catlen_, And there vnknowne to any, marrie her. Now her mother still against that match, 15 And firme for Doctor _Cayus_, in a robe of red By her deuice, the Doctor must steale her thence, And she hath giuen consent to goe with him.

_Host._ Now which meanes she to deceiue, father or mother?

_Fen._ Both my good Host, to go along with me. 20 Now here it rests, that you would procure a priest, And tarry readie at the appointment place, To giue our harts vnited matrimonie.

_Host._ But how will you come to steale her from among them?

_{F}en._ That hath sweet _Nan_ and I agreed vpon, 25 And by a robe of white, the which she weares, With ribones pendant flaring bout her head, _I_ shalbe sure to know her, and conuey her thence, And bring her where the priest abides our comming, And by thy furtherance there be married. 30

_Host._ Well, husband your deuice, Ile to the Vicar, Bring you the maide, you shall not lacke a Priest.

_Fen._ So shall _I_ euermore be bound vnto thee, Besides Ile always be thy faithful friend. _Exit omnes._

_Enter sir Iohn with a Bucks head upon him._ [SC. XVII.]

_Fal._ This is the third time, well {I}le venter, They say there is good luck in old numbers, {[_Ioue_ transform’d himselfe into a Bull,]} And _I_ am here a Stag, and _I_ thinke the fattest In all _Windsor_ forrest: well _I_ stand here 5 For _Horne_ the hunter, waiting my Does comming.

_Enter mistris Page and mistris Ford._

_Mis. Pa._ Sir _Iohn_, where are you?

_Fal._ Art thou come my doe? What and thou too? Welcome Ladies.

_Mi. For._ I I sir _Iohn_, _I_ see you will not faile, 10 Therefore you deserue far better then our loues, But it grieues me for your late crosses.

_{F}al._ This makes amends for all. Come diuide me betweene you, each a hanch, For my horns Ile bequeath them to your husbands, 15 Do _I_ speake like _Horne_ the hunter, ha?

_Mis. Pa._ God forgiue me, what noise is this?

_There is a noise of hornes, the two women run away._

_Enter sir Hugh like a Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries, mistresse Quickly, like the Queene of Fayries: they sing a song about him, and afterward speake._

_Quic:_ You Fayries that do haunt these shady groues, Looke round about the wood if you can espie A mortall that doth haunt our sacred round: If such a one you can espy, giue him his due, And leaue not till you pinch him blacke and blew: Giue them their charge _Puck_ ere they part away.

_Sir Hu._ Come hither _{P}eane_, goe to the countrie houses, And when you finde a slut that lies a sleepe, 25 And all her dishes foule, and roome vnswept, With youre long nailes pinch her till she crie, And sweare to mend her sluttish huswiferie.

_Fai._ I warrant you I will perform your will.

_{H}u._ Where is _Pead?_ Go and see where Brokers sleep, 30 And Foxe-eyed Seriants with their mase, Goe laie the proctors in the street, And pinch the lowsie Seriants face: Spare none of these when they are a bed, But such whose nose lookes plew and red. 35

_Quic._ Away begon, his mind fulfill, And looke that none of you stand still. Some do that thing, some do this, All do something, none amis.

_Hir Hu._ I smell a man of middle earth. 40

_Fal._ God blesse me from that wealch Fairie.

_Quic._ Looke euery one about this round, And if that any here be found, For his presumption in this place, Spare neither legge, arme, head, nor face. 45

_Sir Hu._ See I haue spied one by good luck, His bodie man, his head a buck.

_Fal._ God send me good fortune now, and I care not.

_Quick._ Go strait, and do as I commaund, And take a Taper in your hand, 50 And set it to his fingers endes, And if you see it him offends, And that he starteth at the flame, Then is he mortall, know his name: If with an F. it doth begin, 55 Why then be shure he is full of sin. About it then, and know the truth, Of this same metamorphised youth.

_Sir Hugh._ Giue me the Tapers, I will try And if that he loue venery. 60

_They put the Tapers to his fingers, and he starts._

_Sir Hu._ It is right indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquitie.

_Quic._ A little distant from him stand, And euery one take hand in hand, And compasse him within a ring, First pinch him well, and after sing. 65

_Here they pinch him, and sing about him, and the Doctor comes one way and steales away a boy in red. And Slender another way he takes a boy in greene: And Fenton steales misteris Anne, being in white. And a noyse of hunting is made within; and all the {F}airies runne away. Falstaffe pulles off his bucks head, and rises vp. And enters _M._ Page, _M._ Ford, and their wiues, _M._ Shallow, sir Hugh._

_Fal._ _Horne_ the hunter quoth you: am I ghost? Sblood the Fairies hath made a ghost of me: What hunting at this time at night? He lay my life the mad prince of _Wales_ Is stealing his fathers Deare. How now who haue we here, what is 70 all _Windsor_ stirring? Are you there?

_Shal._ God saue you sir _Iohn Falstaffe_.

_Sir Hu._ God plesse you sir _Iohn_, God plesse you.

_Pa._ Why how now sir _Iohn_, what a pair of horns in your hand? 75

_For._ Those hornes he ment to place vpon my head, And M. _Brooke_ and he should be the men: Why how now sir _Iohn_, why are you thus amazed? We know the Fairies man that pinched you so, Your throwing in the Thames, your beating well, 80 And what’s to come sir _Iohn_, that can we tell.

_Mi. Pa._ Sir _Iohn_ tis thus, your dishonest meanes To call our credits into question, Did make vs vndertake to our best, To turn your leaud lust to a merry Iest. 85

_Fal._ Iest, tis well, haue I liued to these yeares To be gulled now, now to be ridden? Why then these were not _{F}airies?_

_Mis. Pa._ No sir _Iohn_ but boyes.

_Fal._ By the Lord I was twice or thrise in the mind 90 They were not, and yet the grosnesse Of the fopperie perswaded me they were. Well, and the fine wits of the Court heare this, Thayle so whip me with their keene Iests, That thayle melt me out like tallow, 95 Drop by drop out of my grease. Boyes!

_Sir Hu._ I trust me boyes Sir _Iohn:_ and I was Also a Fairie that did helpe to pinch you.

_Fal._ I, tis well I am your May-pole, You haue the start of mee, 100 Am I ridden too with a wealch goate? With a peece of toasted cheese?

_Sir Hu._ Butter is better then cheese sir _Iohn_, You are all butter, butter.

_For._ There is a further matter yet sir _Iohn_, 105 There’s 20. pound you borrowed of M. _Brooke_ sir _Iohn_, And it must be paid to M. _{F}ord_ sir _Iohn_.

_Mi. For._ Nay husband let that go to make amends, Forgiue that sum, and so weele all be friends.

_For._ Well here is my hand, all’s forgiuen at last. 110

_Fal._ It hath cost me well, I haue beene well pinched and washed.

_Enter the Doctor._

_Mi. Pa._ Now M. Doctor, sonne I hope you are.

_Doct._ Sonne begar you be de ville voman, Begar I tinck to marry metres _An_, and begar 115 Tis a whorson garson Iack boy.

_Mis. Pa._ How a boy?

_Doct._ I begar a boy.

_Pa._ Nay be not angry wife, {I}le tell thee true, {I}t was my plot to deceiue thee so: 120 And by this time your daughter’s married To M. _{S}lender_, and see where he comes.

_Enter Slender._

Now sonne _Slender_, Where’s your bride?

_{S}len._ Bride, by Gods lyd _I_ thinke theres neuer a man in the 125 worell hath that crosse fortune that _I_ haue: begod I could cry for verie anger.

_Page._ Why whats the matter sonne _{S}lender?_

_{S}len._ Sonne, nay by God _I_ am none of your son.

_Pa._ No, why so? 130

_{S}len._ Why so God saue me, tis a boy that I haue married.

_Page._ How, a boy? why did you mistake the word?

_{S}len._ No neither, for _I_ came to her in red as you bad me, and _I_ cried mum, and hee cried budget, so well as euer you heard, and I haue married him. 135

_{S}ir Hugh._ Ieshu M. _{S}lender_, cannot you see but marrie boyes?

_Pa._ O _I_ am vext at hart, what shal I do?

_Enter {F}enton and Anne._

_Mis. {P}a._ Here comes the man that hath deceiued vs all: How now daughter, where haue you bin?

_An._ At Curch forsooth. 140

_{P}a._ At Church, what haue you done there?

_Fen._ Married to me, nay sir neuer storme, Tis done sir now, and cannot be vndone.

_{F}ord:_ Ifaith M. _Page_ neuer chafe your selfe, She hath made her choise wheras her hart was fixt, 145 Then tis in vaine for you to storme or fret.

_Fal._ _I_ am glad yet that your arrow hath glanced.

_Mi. For._ Come mistris _Page_, Ile be bold with you, Tis pitie to part loue that is so true.

_Mis. Pa._ Altho that I haue missed in my intent, 150 Yet _I_ am glad my husbands match was crossed, Here M. _{F}enton_, take her, and God giue thee ioy.

_Sir Hu:_ Come M. _{P}age_, you must needs agree.

_{F}o._ I yfaith sir come, you see your wife is wel pleased:

_{P}a._ _I_ cannot tel, and yet my hart’s well eased, 155 And yet it doth me good the Doctor missed. Come hither _{F}enton_, and come hither daughter, Go too you might haue stai’d for my good will, But since your choise is made of one you loue, Here take her _{F}enton_, & both happie proue. 160

_Sir. Hu._ _I_ wil also dance & eate plums at your weddings.

_For._ All parties pleased, now let vs in to feast, And laugh at _{S}lender_ and the Doctors ieast. He hath got the maiden, each of you a boy To waite vpon you, so God giue you ioy, 165 And sir _Iohn Falstaffe_ now shal you keep your word, For _Brooke_ this night shall lye with mistris _Ford_.

_Exit omnes._

NOTES: SCENE XVII

59: Tapers] Torches. 79: _so_] om. 93: _and_] _if_. 101: _ridden_] _written_. 131: _that_] om. Halliwell. 138: _the man_] _he_. 140: _Curch_] _Church_ Halliwell. 147: _that_] _then_ Halliwell. 154: _I yfaith_] _I faith_. 161: _also_] om.

_FINIS._

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sources:

The Quarto editions of _The Merry Wives of Windsor_ are described in the introduction to the play.

The general Preface (e-text 23041) discusses the 17th- and 18th-century editions in detail; the newer (19th-century) editions are simply listed by name. The following editions may appear in the Notes. All inset text is quoted from the Preface.

Folios: F1 1623; F2 (no date given); F3 1663; F4 1685. “The five plays contained in this volume occur in the first Folio in the same order, and ... were there printed for the first time.”