Part 2
_Fal._ I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer; he kept not time. 25
_Nym._ The good humour is to steal at a minute’s rest.
_Pist._ ‘Convey,’ the wise it call. ‘Steal!’ foh! a fico for the phrase!
_Fal._ Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
_Pist._ Why, then, let kibes ensue. 30
_Fal._ There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.
_Pist._ Young ravens must have food.
_Fal._ Which of you know Ford of this town?
_Pist._ I ken the wight: he is of substance good. 35
_Fal._ My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
_Pist._ Two yards, and more.
_Fal._ No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford’s 40 wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is, ‘I am Sir John Falstaff’s.’
_Pist._ He hath studied her will, and translated her will, 45 out of honesty into English.
_Nym._ The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?
_Fal._ Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband’s purse: he hath a legion of angels.
_Pist._ As many devils entertain; and ‘To her, boy,’ say I. 50
_Nym._ The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.
_Fal._ I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious œillades; 55 sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.
_Pist._ Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
_Nym._ I thank thee for that humour.
_Fal._ O, she did so course o’er my exteriors with such 60 a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here’s another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East 65 and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
_Pist._ Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! 70
_Nym._ I will run no base humour: here, take the humour-letter: I will keep the haviour of reputation.
_Fal._ [_To Robin_] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; 75 Trudge, plod away o’ the hoof; seek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of the age, French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.
[_Exeunt Falstaff and Robin._
_Pist._ Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And high and low beguiles the rich and poor: 80 Tester I’ll have in pouch when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk!
_Nym._ I have operations which be humours of revenge.
_Pist._ Wilt thou revenge?
_Nym._ By welkin and her star! 85
_Pist._ With wit or steel?
_Nym._ With both the humours, I: I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
_Pist._ And I to Ford shall eke unfold How Falstaff, varlet vile, 90 His dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile.
_Nym._ My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour. 95
_Pist._ Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on. [_Exeunt._
NOTES: I, 3
## SCENE III.] SCENE VII. Pope.
2: _bully-rook_] _Bully Rock_ Rowe, passim. 10: _shall ... shall_] F1 Q3. _will ... will_ F2 F3 F4. 14: _see thee froth_] _see thee, froth_ Staunton. _lime_] Steevens. _lyme_ (Q1 Q2). _live_ Ff Q3. 19: _Hungarian_] Ff Q3. _Gongarian_ (Q1 Q2) Capell. 22: _conceited?_] Theobald here inserts (from Q1 Q2), _His mind is not heroic and there’s the humour of it._ 23: _acquit_] _quit_ Pope. 26: _minute’s_] Ff. _minuntes_ Q3. _minim’s_ Singer (Bennet-Langton conj.). 41: _carves_] Ff (Q1 Q2). _craves_ Q3. 45: _studied her will_] Ff Q3. _studied her well_ (Q1 Q2) Pope. _translated her will_] Ff Q3 (om. Q1 Q2). _translated her well_ Pope. translated her Hanmer. _studied her well and translated her will_ Grant White. _studied her well and translated her ill_ Edd. conj. 47: _anchor_] _author_ Johnson conj. 49: _he_] _she_ (Q1 Q2) Pope. _a legion_] Pope. _a legend_ Ff. Q3. _legians_ (Q1). _legions_ (Q2) Capell. 50: _entertain_] Ff Q3. _attend her_ (Q1 Q2). _enter swine_ Coleridge conj. _in her train_ Anon. conj. 55: _œillades_] _illiads_ Ff Q3. _eyelids_ Halliwell (Pope conj.). 56: _gilded_] _guilded_ F1 Q3. _guided_ F2 F3 F4. 64: _cheaters_] (Q1 Q2) F1 Q3 F3 F4. _cheators_ F2. _cheater_ Theobald. _escheator_ Hanmer. _’cheator_ Capell. 73: _tightly_] F1. _titely_ (Q1 Q2). _rightly_ Q3 F2 F3 F4. 74: [Exit Robin. Dyce. 76: _o’ the_] _oth’_ F2 F3 F4. _ith’_ F1 Q3. 77: _learn_] _earn_ Anon. conj. _humour_] (Q1 Q2) Theobald. _honour_ Ff Q3. _the_] Ff Q3. _this_ (Q1 Q2) Capell. 78: [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.] Rowe. [Exit. Dyce. 79: SCENE VIII. Pope. _fullam holds_] _fullams hold_ Hanmer. 80: _beguiles_] _beguile_ Hanmer. 83: _operations_] Ff Q3. _operations in my head_ (Q1 Q2) Pope. 85: _star_] _fairies_ (Q1 Q2). _stars_ Collier MS. 88: _discuss_] _disclose_ Pope. 88, 89: _Page_ ... _Ford_] (Q1 Q2) Steevens. _Ford_ ... _Page_ Ff Q3. See note (I). 93: _Page_] Steevens. _Ford_ Ff Q3. 94: _yellowness_] _jealousies_ Pope. 95: _the_] _this_ Pope. 95: _mine_] _mien_ Theobald. _mind_ Jackson conj. _meisne_ or _men_ Anon. conj. See note (IV).
## SCENE IV. _A room in DOCTOR CAIUS’S house._
_Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY._
_Quick._ What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the king’s English. 5
_Rug._ I’ll go watch.
_Quick._ Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [_Exit Rugby._] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no 10 breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
_Sim._ Ay, for fault of a better.
_Quick._ And Master Slender’s your master? 15
_Sim._ Ay, forsooth.
_Quick._ Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover’s paring-knife?
_Sim._ No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard,--a Cain-coloured beard. 20
_Quick._ A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
_Sim._ Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
_Quick._ How say you?--O, I should remember him: 25 does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
_Sim._ Yes, indeed, does he.
_Quick._ Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish-- 30
_Re-enter RUGBY._
_Rug._ Out, alas! here comes my master.
_Quick._ We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet: he will not stay long. [_Shuts Simple in the closet._] What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; 35 I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home.
[_Singing_] And down, down, adown-a, &c.
_Enter DOCTOR CAIUS._
_Caius._ Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert,--a box, a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. 40
_Quick._ Ay, forsooth; I’ll fetch it you. [_Aside_] I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
_Caius._ Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m’en vais à la cour,--la grande affaire. 45
_Quick._ Is it this, sir?
_Caius._ Oui; mette le au mon pocket: dépêche, quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby?
_Quick._ What, John Rugby! John!
_Rug._ Here, sir! 50
_Caius._ You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
_Rug._ ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
_Caius._ By my trot, I tarry too long. --Od’s me! 55 Qu’ai-j’oublié! dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
_Quick._ Ay me, he’ll find the young man there, and be mad!
_Caius._ O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! 60 larron! [_Pulling Simple out._] Rugby, my rapier!
_Quick._ Good master, be content.
_Caius._ Wherefore shall I be content-a?
_Quick._ The young man is an honest man.
_Caius._ What shall de honest man do in my closet? 65 dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
_Quick._ I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
_Caius._ Vell.
_Sim._ Ay, forsooth; to desire her to-- 70
_Quick._ Peace, I pray you.
_Caius._ Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
_Sim._ To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master in the way of marriage. 75
_Quick._ This is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er put my finger in the fire, and need not.
_Caius._ Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper. Tarry you a little-a while. [_Writes._
_Quick._ [_Aside to Simple_] I am glad he is so quiet: 80 if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; 85 and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself,--
_Sim._ [_Aside to Quickly_] ’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.
_Quick._ [_Aside to Simple_] Are you avised o’ that? you 90 shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late;--but notwithstanding,--to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind,--that’s neither here nor there. 95
_Caius._ You jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here. --By gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not 100 have a stone to throw at his dog. [_Exit Simple._
_Quick._ Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
_Caius._ It is no matter-a ver dat:--do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?--By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de 105 Jarteer to measure our weapon:--By gar, I will myself have Anne Page.
_Quick._ Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
_Caius._ Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if 110 I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby. [_Exeunt Caius and Rugby._
_Quick._ You shall have An fool’s-head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do; nor can 115 do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
_Fent._ [_Within_] Who’s within there? ho!
_Quick._ Who’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.
_Enter FENTON._
_Fent._ How now, good woman! how dost thou? 120
_Quick._ The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.
_Fen._ What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
_Quick._ In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by 125 the way; I praise heaven for it.
_Fent._ Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?
_Quick._ Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book, she 130 loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?
_Fent._ Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
_Quick._ Well, thereby hangs a tale:--good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread:--we had an hour’s talk of that wart. --I shall 135 never laugh but in that maid’s company!--But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing: but for you--well, go to.
_Fent._ Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there’s money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: 140 if thou seest her before me, commend me.
_Quick._ Will I? i’ faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.
_Fent._ Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. 145
_Quick._ Farewell to your worship. [_Exit Fenton._] Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. --Out upon’t! what have I forgot? [_Exit._
NOTES: I, 4
## SCENE IV.] SCENE IX. Pope.
4: _an_] om. Pope. 19: _wee_] _whey_ Capell. 20: _Cain_] F3 F4. _Kane_ (Q1 Q2). _Caine_ F1 Q3 F2. _cane_ Pope. 31: [Exit. Grant White. 34: [Shuts S. in the closet] Rowe. 38: SCENE X. Pope. _des toys_] F3 F4. _des-toyes_ F1 Q3 F2. _dese toys_ Theobald. 39: _un boitier_] Rowe. _unboyteene_ F1 F2 Q3. _unboyteen_ F3 F4. 44, 45: _ma foi ... affaire_] Rowe. _mai_ (_moi_ F2 F3 F4) _foy, il fait for chando, Ie man voi a le Court la grand affaires._ Ff Q3. 47: _dépêche_] _de-peech_ Ff Q3. 51: _Jack Rugby_] _Jack Rogoby_ Halliwell. 52: _take-a_] _take_ Q3. 56: _vill_] _will_ F2 F3 F4. 60: _villain_] Q3. _villainie_ Ff. 61: _larron_] _La-roone_ Ff Q3. [Pulling S. out] Theobald. 63, 66: _shall_] F1 Q3. _should_ F2 F3 F4. 78: _baille_] _ballow_ Ff Q3. _baillez_ Theobald. 83: _you_] _yoe_ F1 Q3. _for_ F2 F3 F4. om. Capell. 84: _the French_] Ff. _that French_ Q3. 86: _wring_] _ring_ Ff Q3. 96: _give-a_] F1 Q3. _givie-a_ F2 F3 F4. 97, 98, 100: _will_] _vill_ Pope. 101: _throw_] F1 Q3. _trow_ F2 F3 F4. 103: _ver_] Ff Q3. _for_ Capell. 106: _Jarteer_] F1 Q3 F2 F3. _Garter_ F4. 109: _good-jer_] _goujeres_ Hanmer. _goujere_ Johnson. _good year_ Capell. 120: SCENE XI. Pope. 131: _above_] _about_ Steevens. 132: _what of that_?] _and what of that_? Pope. 142: _we will_] _I will_ Halliwell MS.
## ACT II.
## SCENE I. _Before PAGE’S house._
_Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter._
[Transcriber’s Note: In order to preserve the marked line breaks without losing readability, each line of the quoted letter has been split into two equal halves.]
_Mrs Page._ What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. [_Reads:_
‘Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are 5 not young, no more am I; go to, then, there’s sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there’s more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--that I love thee. I will not say, pity me,--’tis not a soldier-like phrase; 10 but I say, love me. By me,
Thine own true knight, By day or night, Or any kind of light, With all his might 15 For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF.’
What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked--with the devil’s name!--out 20 of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged 25 on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
_Enter MISTRESS FORD._
_Mrs Ford._ Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.
_Mrs Page._ And, trust me, I was coming to you. You 30 look very ill.
_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I’ll ne’er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.
_Mrs Page._ Faith, but you do, in my mind.
_Mrs Ford._ Well, I do, then; yet, I say, I could show 35 you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!
_Mrs Page._ What’s the matter, woman?
_Mrs Ford._ O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! 40
_Mrs Page._ Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is it?--dispense with trifles;--what is it?
_Mrs Ford._ If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted.
_Mrs Page._ What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These 45 knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.
_Mrs Ford._ We burn daylight:--here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of 50 men’s liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women’s modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth 55 Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’ What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own 60 grease. Did you ever hear the like?
_Mrs Page._ Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here’s the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. 65 I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names,--sure, more,--and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under 70 Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.
_Mrs Ford._ Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us?
_Mrs Page._ Nay, I know not: it makes me almost 75 ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.
_Mrs Ford._ ‘Boarding,’ call you it? I’ll be sure to keep 80 him above deck.
_Mrs Page._ So will I: if he come under my hatches, I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him: let’s appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath 85 pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.
_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. 90
_Mrs Page._ Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he’s as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.
_Mrs Ford._ You are the happier woman. 95
_Mrs Page._ Let’s consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [_They retire._
_Enter FORD, with PISTOL, and PAGE, with NYM._
_Ford._ Well, I hope it be not so.
_Pist._ Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. 100
_Ford._ Why, sir, my wife is not young.
_Pist._ He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.
_Ford._ Love my wife! 105
_Pist._ With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou, Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at thy heels: O, odious is the name!
_Ford._ What name, sir?
_Pist._ The horn, I say. Farewell. 110 Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night: Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing. Away, Sir Corporal Nym!-- Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [_Exit._
_Ford._ [_Aside_] I will be patient; I will find out this. 115
_Nym._ [_To Page_] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there’s the short and the long. My name 120 is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch; ’tis true: my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese [and there’s the humour of it]. Adieu. [_Exit._
_Page._ ‘The humour of it,’ quoth ’a! here’s a fellow 125 frights English out of his wits.
_Ford._ I will seek out Falstaff.
_Page._ I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.
_Ford._ If I do find it:--well.
_Page._ I will not believe such a Cataian, though the 130 priest o’ the town commended him for a true man.
_Ford._ ’Twas a good sensible fellow:--well.
_Page._ How now, Meg!
[_Mrs Page and Mrs Ford come forward._
_Mrs Page._ Whither go you, George? Hark you.
_Mrs Ford._ How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? 135
_Ford._ I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.
_Mrs Ford._ Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page? 140
_Mrs Page._ Have with you. You’ll come to dinner, George? [_Aside to Mrs Ford_] Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.
_Mrs Ford._ [_Aside to Mrs Page_] Trust me, I thought on her: she’ll fit it. 145
_Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._
_Mrs Page._ You are come to see my daughter Anne?