Part 2

Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married people are already possessed of the _details_ of the essential knowledge which they ought to possess, and because such _details_ are the _very heart_ of the whole matter, I have made these details as simple and explicit as possible, more so than might seem necessary to the professional reader. But my experience has proven that I was wise in this regard, as these very details have saved the day in more than one case, as the parties who have reported to me, after having read what I have written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and groom would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for some time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts of it, till they were well posted on all that it contains. I found, too, that those who had received help from the reading of the manuscript were glad to tell others of their friends of the benefits they had received, and that thus there was a constantly widening circle.

Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading this book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of them are, and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your own good sense and experience will determine who these latter are, and these you can favor as they deserve. It is because of this situation that this book can only be used professionally that it needs the guiding hand of an expert physician to insure its reaching only those who can be benefited by its reading.

As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on well in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of these is legion) my experience in getting to them what I have written has been quite varied; but, on the whole, the results have been good--many times they have been most excellent. Of course, it is harder to correct errors than to prevent them; but as most of the errors I have had to deal with among this class of patients have been made through ignorance rather than otherwise, I have found that the establishment of knowledge in the premises has generally brought relief where before was only suffering and woe.

Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the greatest value with these cases of unsatisfactory marital relations is the fact that, often, by the parties _reading the copy together_ they have come to a mutual understanding by so doing, and have established a _modus vivendi_ which could not have been attained in any other way. When such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a prejudiced view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if ever, come together to consult a physician regarding their troubles. But the _reading of the book together_ makes a condition of affairs which is very apt to work out for the best interests of all parties concerned. Certainly, this is true, that in no case has the reading of the book made bad matters worse, and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of them) it has been of untold value and benefit to the readers.

And because these things are so, because what I have written has proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded to give the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other members of the profession besides myself. I confide it to my fellow-members in the profession feeling sure that they will use it among their patients with wisdom and discretion; and my hope is that their so doing may yield for them and theirs the most excellent results which have come to me and mine, on these lines, in the years that have gone by.

Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of the book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few capitalized words that appear in the pages, comes from a duplication of the copy I have used with my patients. I wrote the original copy in this way for the sake of giving special emphasis to special points for my readers, and the results attained I believe were very largely due to the typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in this way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus presented to the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is to establish a heart-to-heart relation between the author and the reader which could not be attained in any other way.

All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical words, never using such a term without explaining its meaning in plain English in the words that immediately follow it. I found this an absolute necessity in writing so that the lay reader could understand, in saying things that would produce results.

I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject matter of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely to get my readers into a proper _mental attitude_ for a reasonable recognition and understanding of what follows it. There are so many wrong teachings and biased ideas in the premises that these had to be counteracted or removed, to a degree, at least, before the rest of the copy could be rightly read. My experience is, that the preface, as it stands, has been the means of putting the readers of the book into a right mental attitude for its successful study and consideration. For the good of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those who need help in the most sacred and significant affairs of their lives, may the book go on its way, if not rejoicing in itself, yet causing rejoicing in the lives and hearts of all who read what its pages contain.

H.W.L.

SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING

I

AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION

A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to reconcile sex with the purity of Providence." He never could understand why God arranged for sex anyway. Why something else might not have been done. Why children might not have come in some other fashion.

Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of history that was not done for money was done for sex. And even the deviltry that was done and is done for money had, and has sex back of it. Take sex out of man and you have something worth while. God must have been short of expedients when God, in sex, conceived sex. It certainly looks as if the Divine fell down this time. As if infinity was at the end of its tether. As if the adept creator for once was caught napping, or for once botched a job.

So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had the ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some places. Too little sex other places. Some people swearing on and some swearing off. The prostitute giving away that which was meant to be kept. The virgin keeping that which was meant to be given away. A force contending with a force. Drawing in opposite directions when they should be pulling together. Through it all, motherhood misunderstood. And fatherhood misunderstood. The body cheapened to the soul. And the soul cheapened to the body. Every child being a slap in the face of virtue.

Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? This philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing surrender?

The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in the age of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are not to give sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. They are always asking questions. But we don't answer their questions. The church don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the schools. Not even mothers and fathers. Nobody who could answer answers them. But they don't go unanswered. They get answered. And they get answered wrong instead of right. They get answered, smutched instead of washed. They get answered blasphemously instead of reverently. They get answered so that the body is suspected instead of being trusted.

A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl who knows nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing nothing comes. Men who have been such boys know nothing. Women who have been such girls know nothing. From nothing nothing comes. They have become familiar with sex circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best they knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They were lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took sex as they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. They had got past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men and women. They didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its privileges, they still seemed to regard it as something not to be gloried in. The least said about it the soonest mended. Mothers and fathers would say to children: "You'll know about it soon enough." Teachers would say: "Ask your questions at home." Home would say: "What ever started you thinking about such things?"

The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex that everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with my body that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful to me. I like to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell it. But I'm always hurried into my clothes. My body is so mysteriously precious I must take care of it. But how am I to take care of it if I don't get acquainted with it?

I find that having a body has something to do with being a father and a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a mother. But how can I be a father or mother if some one who knows doesn't tell me what precedes fatherhood and motherhood? I should prepare for it. How can I if all the books are closed? How can I if I am blanked every time I express my curiosity? Is there no one anywhere who'll be honest with me?

If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like something which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like something not polluted, but purified. Like something having everything, instead of only an occasional thing, to do with life. But the world shakes its head. The world is nasty. But it puts on airs. The world has eaten. But the world says it's best to starve. Folks will say they've got to be parents. But they say they will regret it. They say sex is here. They say we're up against its mandates or its passions. But let's be as decent as we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its margins. Let's not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who would eat if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To say that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a sin.

Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an ascent. That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. You never suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid to assume heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract from my anatomy. I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my soul. I must withdraw my body from the public eye. From discussion. From its instinctive avowals. Our bodies must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are born. Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that little while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They cavalierly settle the case of the body against itself.

So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the anomalous situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex into the worse it seems. _Someone's got to peach._ Someone's got to tell the truth. In a world of liars who are hushers? In a world of hushers who are liars? _Someone's got to tell the truth._ Someone's got to give sex its due. _You can't give spirit its due until you give sex its due._ You can't accept one and cast aside one. They go together. They are inseparable.

You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops and the other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither commences. Maybe they are not two things but two names. Maybe when you put a body into a grave you put a soul there too. And maybe you put neither there. It's not so easy to say.

I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more marvelous than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a mother. Maybe you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing about it. To me it's mysterious. To me it's the supreme demonstration of the spiritual.

How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept clean. It starts clean. Why do we corrupt it? You who disparage it corrupt it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous roues anywhere. You corrupt it. By your excesses. You who never say yes. You who never say no. You corrupt it.

You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to you. What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly closed the question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God by silence. I would praise God by speech.

II

THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION

No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, but a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, from the outset, the reasons why it has been written.

It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends can make a steady and reliable advance.

Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the vegetable or animal kingdom, where _instinct_ is the only means for the transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this feature that differentiates man from all other created beings.

But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, in all Christian civilized countries, it has been considered wrong, even in some cases being counted a criminal offense, punishable by fine and imprisonment, for anyone to make any record of, or transmit to anyone else, any knowledge that may have been acquired regarding sex relations in the human family.

To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a body of _professional_ knowledge of this sort, made and prepared by physicians, but _confined strictly to that class of people_. No attempt has been made to disseminate such knowledge among those who most need it--the common people. On the contrary, every possible effort is put forth to keep such knowledge from them. This is wholly at variance with the practice regarding all other forms of human knowledge, which is to spread, as widely as possible, all known data that have so far been obtained.

There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the reasons for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief cause of its status, past and present, is grounded on two sources: The first of these is a brutal selfishness which has come over to modern times from a savage past; the second is a sort of pious prudery.

The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject of sex in the human family, with its functions and mission in human affairs, together with its proper training, discipline and exercise--to make all these things _tabu_, something to be ashamed of and ignored as much as possible, and all the knowledge regarding them that one generation has been permitted to transmit to those who come after, may be summed up in these words, namely "_Thou shalt not_."

Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, _all_ this is just as bad as it can possibly be. For, of all phenomena with which the human race has to do, that of the highest importance, so far as the well-being of the race is concerned, is that which has to do with sex in men and women. A large percentage of all the physical ailments in mankind and womenkind arise from errors in sexual life, and these are but trifles compared with the mental and spiritual disasters which come upon humanity from the same source. It is probably true that more than one-half of all the crimes that are committed in the civilized world are more or less directly connected with sex affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as sex aberrations.

And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise because of _ignorance_ in the matter of sex in which the rank and file of the race are forced to live. Few of these ever acquire any positive and definite knowledge in the premises, and if they do learn anything for sure, _they keep it to themselves_, inspired to do so by a false belief regarding the rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by a false modesty, or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else what they have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters. And so the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs in life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go by. Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die every generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the damned while they live, when they should enjoy the delights of the elect, and would do so if they only knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in accordance with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs.

But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will slowly come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the intelligent world is beginning to emerge from a condition of conformity to the say-so of some one supposed to speak with authority, and to come into a realm of obedience only to a law that has a scientific basis of actual knowledge for its foundation.

For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have been directed and determined by the clergy and by _their_ teachings and pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. There is no need of saying hard things about such a fact; nevertheless, it is true that, for the most part, all the dicta of these men have originated amongst those who knew nothing of the _scientific_ conditions regarding the subject on which they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the blind, and the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing with the dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause, have fallen therein.

This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling block and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are coming to see that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a scientific knowledge of, than any other part of the human body--the eye, the ear or whatsoever. Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor for a knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by the frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books that now go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in the attempts that are occasionally being made to introduce the subject of sexual hygiene into our public schools and other educational institutions. "The world do move!"

It is for these reasons--because it is right to transfer to you and to those who come after, the sex knowledge that has been acquired by the author, by reading scientific and professional literature upon the subject, by conference with men and women who know, and by personal and professional experience, that what follows is written.

III

THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE

So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in hand. It is more the especial purpose of what follows, however, to treat of the matter of marriage in particular, _to say something definite to young husbands and wives that shall be of real benefit to them_, not only by way of starting them out right in the new and untried way upon which they have entered, but to help them to make that way a realm of perpetual and ever increasing joy to both parties concerned, throughout its entire course, their whole lives long.

Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride and groom, before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, to acquaint themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology of the sex organs of human beings, both male and female, and to make the acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and matter-of-fact an affair as though they were studying the nature, construction and functions of the stomach, or the digestive processes entire, or the nature and use of any of the other bodily organs. "Clear and clean am I within and without; clear and clean is every scrap and part of me, and no part shall be held more sacred or preferred above another. For divine am I, and all I am, or contain."

Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would pursue a study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that they have been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is immodest, not to say indecent or positively wicked. They have longed to be possessed of such knowledge, all their lives; in most cases more than any other form of wisdom that it was possible for them to make their own. But its acquirement has been placed beyond their possible reach, and it is only by the most clandestine and often nasty means that they have attained what little they know. But the quotation made in the last paragraph, sounds the key note of what is _right_ in this matter, and the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to establish in himself or herself the _condition of mind which these lines embody._