Part 5

Regarding the _first_ part of the act, let it be said that here, above all other situations in the world "_haste makes waste_." _Put that down as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!_ Right here is where ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life begin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with the husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in a thousand times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply the victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an _ignorance_ which results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, or thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rush blindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which he has been led to think he has a _right_ to travel _when and how he will_! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly describe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate situation that can occur in all human experiences, that result from such action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that were beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams become a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, is muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! _And all this because of ignorance_ or careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost of time, caution and intelligent care should have obtained!

As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo great changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities, till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged to several times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should, and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes and transformation.

_But there is usually a great difference in the length of time it takes for these changes to take place in men and women_. On the part of the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerable extent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It "tumesces," or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as its mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the vagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in.

On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually, (especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter of considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then, of _half-an-hour or more_! This is not always so, for in some very passionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed, there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) even touch a man--any man--and occasionally a case occurs where a woman will experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such cases are, of course, abnormal. But, _for the most part_, it is true that women are _much slower_ in making ready for the sexual act than men are.

Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided a most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union. Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sort of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods the parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like the white of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted in the mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically, it is almost identical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostatic flow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion."

Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, all the parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirably equipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with the slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina are laved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls have widened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yet to be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The result is that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size as to make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be joined. _But not before or otherwise!_

So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if he does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forces his large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully ready for such union--when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and the vagina is shrunken and its walls are dry--if coitus is engaged in in this way, it is perfectly easy to see that _only disaster can result_! The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality gets only a beastly gratification from the act. _Of all bad things in all the world, such manner of coition is the worst_!

And so, in this _first_ part of the act, the one foremost thought to remember and observe is, _take plenty of time!_

There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education, make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting a wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly prepared for her share of the mutual act.

Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both

## parties are attained.

As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some other points have been studied.

Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood) direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus is: _do as lovers do when they are "courting."_ And everybody knows what that is! And note this--that _nobody ever hurries when they are courting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible ways. They kiss each other--"long and passionate kisses, they again and again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into each other's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded call nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an _unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to _talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!).

Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play will end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the stage_!

Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in the _false view_ of what the _marriage ceremony means_, and a wrong impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of "marriage vows" bestows certain _rights_ and imposes certain _duties_ upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes certain acts _right_ which would _otherwise_ be _wrong_, and that it establishes the _right_ to engage in such acts, _with or without any further consultation or consent in the premises_. It makes love a matter of _contract_, a something _bound by promise and pledge rather than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul_.

The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands together and prayed over them--after this, they both think they have a "_cinch_" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its pronouncement! Nothing _could be further from the truth than this is_. And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people!

Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its original status yet remains--all these things tend to establish these wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it.

Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few illustrations, as follows:

A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, nor were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend his evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as he was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go out evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And the husband replied:

"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! You used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixed up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off, would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me, and now you never do anything of the kind." And before he could say more, the wife responded: "_Oh, but we are married now, and it's your duty to stay with me!_"

What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the door after him! The wonder is that he ever came back.

Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College and who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "first families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highest culture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. On their bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand on the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don't be disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care of myself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fifty thousand dollars, and one-third of all that was made mine just as soon as the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help it! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best of it!"

These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sort that could be told.

On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides because they think _the law_ and the _contract_ give them the right! There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by the words of the woman just quoted: "_Oh, but we are married now_."

These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that _marriage confers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in the highest meaning of the word_. So far as its outward and formal observance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection for society which has grown up through the years, and which is probably for the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it should be well understood that it can _never_ lead to _true happiness_ if it is viewed and utilized _merely_ on its _legal and formal side. True marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be traded upon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract._ People may contract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfully carry out their agreements; _but this is not marriage_! It is simply _legalized prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!_

Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed it cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if the

## parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledges

and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escape from all its holdings and fly away and _stay away_!

And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should be no hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the key to married happiness is _to keep on "courting" each other_. Indeed, to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the whole extent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, and to show, _by all your acts_, that you are lovers, and great shall be your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. Do it!

And be careful _not_ to do anything that a careful lover ought not to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Make yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so. As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what of yourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all that you can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't give to everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children, friends, or what-so-ever--don't give _all_ of yourself to these, and let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as you value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we are married now," and let it go at that!

The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watched and tended with the most skilful care, _continually_, by both husband and wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant and lovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the blossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that luscious fruits may come in turn--as these changes take place, new, more beautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of the longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, and act accordingly _all the time_--days, nights and Sundays.

Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmly and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will move on.

So, then, the _first_ part of _every_ act of coitus should always be a _courting_ act, in which there should be _no haste_, but in which the

## parties should "_make delays_," as John Burroughs says.

And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a far wider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previous to marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! After that, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot of difference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used, and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (though this may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as free with each other unclothed as clothed; if they will utterly ignore all conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything and everything that their _impulses_ and _inclinations_ suggest, or their desires prompt; if they will, _with the utmost abandon_ give themselves up to petting each other in every possible way that _mother nature_ has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and "spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do--if they will do this, and not _hurry_ about it--then, in due course, they will successfully execute the _first act_ of the great play they are performing; the sex organs will become fully ready for the union they are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and everything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of the performance, namely the union of the organs.

And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty different positions possible in this act).

The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back, with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less than a right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no pillow under it.

Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover should come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he should sustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ of his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back of the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in the eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and very significant difference between human beings and all other animals in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's legs, and clasp his body with her arms.

The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt, unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it is _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is only fair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is often _greatly desired by the woman_, if her passion has been fully aroused at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working its way into the vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavity will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be fitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest sense of unity.

This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play.

Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted to each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of the organs_--the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out of the vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing just what should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the _two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to them both_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _each party to the motion doing a fair half_.

It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent" wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--that he should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the woman should lie still and "_let him do it all_." This is, however, a _great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons:

In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ of his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling "round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus _originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she will delight to do, _if given a fair chance._ If, however, the man lies heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the husband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full and complete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful climax demands that she should.

Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes, may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ All depends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife, especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of the act.

The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at once, the orgasm, or _fourth stage_, is reached!