Part 9

Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when _carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.

There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows, who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving thoughts of the absent one the while.

There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a matter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Some authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs are alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus.

IX

COITUS RESERVATUS

This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the part of the husband and wife, as follows:--

It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_ delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known, in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated, means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most happily married people have proved.

Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_.

To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasm is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_ kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any kind.

In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe.

As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!

This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep. Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual benefit.

This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should "get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if, on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_!

To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If, during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship!

Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct the way here, and all will be well_.

And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in any other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his wife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's vulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin.

This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_ masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone. This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of husband and wife.

As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this, let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_

Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both

## parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the

physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere. We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls of nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY! _Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_.

And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives. Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best welfare, each of the other.

There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was also abnormal.

Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of common sense and true temperance.

There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they "see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two afterwards.

Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should be taken never to reach the point of excess.

It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and only the best results trill come of it all_.

Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is, they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.

It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own _lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental attitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO BOTH.

But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ toward sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is _really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against" such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of it_.

On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the full meaning of that word.

On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_.

The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned. And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the individual during the years of active life will persist, even to old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated rightly.

And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if denied all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body will become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is very apt to follow.

On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate conditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have already been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife.

But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads to a conclusion, as follows:--

This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning, even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in the human family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_!

For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the "turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purpose of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought to cease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means the case_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abused her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman, she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused himself or been abused.

This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium on righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof, beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love, and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and wife, in their early married life_.

X

CLEANLINESS

It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences of husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both parties should take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them, always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives are exceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common report among men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies, and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wives do! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is.

And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs from the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or the husband feels that there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of which leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweet and clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wants to--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself! In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in the other it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight. And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married life has come!

The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water before retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, after urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takes place. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meet its lover.

And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet and clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water, at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fully cleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance that very soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties should keep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly," and the feet should likewise be kept inodorous.