Part 7
Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague, pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroy the _surplus_ of humanity, and hence all these alleged evils were in reality blessings in disguise, and that _it would be wrong to interfere_ with their really beneficent workings! Volumes could be written, and they could not tell the half of the misery and evil that the promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world, but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need this be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to make ready for what is to follow.
Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, _since the possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wife may produce has been given them_; that since such result can be, for them, made a matter of _choice_, of an _exercise of the will_, and not of _blind instinct_--under these circumstances, all of which undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it is the _purpose of the Creator_ that the limiting of the number of human beings in the world should be brought about by _curbing the birth rate_, rather than by _killing the surplus_ after they are born!
There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligent man or woman.
These facts, then, establish the _rightfulness of determining the number and size of a family by every husband and wife_. But this does not mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in order to keep from having children! This phase of the argument has already been gone over and disposed of. But it _does_ mean that husbands and wives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the number of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties concerned--themselves, their circumstances, the born or unborn children, the state, the nation. Let the bride and groom be well convinced and established in their own minds on these points, as early in their relation as possible. They should be so from the very outset--_must_ be so, to reach the best results.
The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilful determination of the number of children a husband and wife may have, be brought about?
And the answer is, that _it can never be accomplished by careless and hap-hazard cohabiting!_ On the contrary, it can only be compassed by the most _careful_ and _watchful_ processes of engaging in coitus, and by a _full knowledge_ of physiological facts, and by acting, _always_, in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but it is a way worth going in, for all that.
On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men and women agree that anything even approaching _infanticide_ is nothing short of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of saving the life of the mother, is practically murder.
But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germs which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a living human form, is _quite another affair_.
It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered in what follows.
Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consist of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the semen there. The corollary of this is, that whenever these coincidences take place, there is a _possibility_ for conception.
But in all _normal_ cases, the ovum only passes into the womb once in every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the womb for about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 days in each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after about five days from its beginning, in about ten days _after_ its stopping, the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organ contains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen may be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is a simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known.
However, it must be said that these _generally_ common conditions _do not always obtain_--that is, they are _not_ true in the case of _all_ women. There are women who will conceive at _any_ time in the month, if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries, in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do any of these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimes these ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under the excitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so much during the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions, pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there, and pregnancy result. Such are the facts _in some cases_.
How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, in _their_ particular case?
The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should be done as follows:
The _first_ sexual meeting of the bride and groom should _never_ take place until at least _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow in the bride! This is a rule that should never be violated_ if the
## parties wish to "_test out_" the real condition as to whether or not
the bride has any "free time." The chances are several to one that she _has_ such leeway; but the fact can only be established by "proving up" and this can _never_ be done if any _chances_ are taken. Put this down as rule number one.
For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and, if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immune period. And the nearer she can bring this day to the _beginning_ of such period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, if it should happen that the first coitus should take place only a _day or two before_ the time when another "monthly" was due, such excitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the uterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat would be in the fire," nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as ignorant as ever regarding the facts in _their_ case.
And so, the _first_ sexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should be not _earlier_ than _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow and not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Put that_ _down as rule number two, never to be violated._
And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunity on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to "patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude" on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. And to do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of a case where the wedding took place just three days before the bride's next monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more than _two weeks_ before they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their doing so proved that the bride had _two weeks_ of "_free time_" in _each month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!_
And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for a husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result of coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man, for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if following there be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. The wife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of care and anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all. For these reasons, she has a _right to dictate all the terms_ which are liable to cause her to become a mother. _And yet she should do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true wifely-womanhood._ On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate," by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom should fail to read and study, carefully.
The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoid pregnancy may be summed up as follows:--The attainment of such a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestly pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lack will be a source of endless contentions and differences between the husband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts of marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most loving and accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life is certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be in a condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and bridegroom begin, _from the first_, to try to establish the greatly to be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should be desired, consult a reliable physician.
VIII
THE ART OF LOVE
And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is long!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_
It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are _not well matched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature, results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned.
In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This is very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining whether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ be regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence" get in their work, and make trouble in married life!
In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in the too-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organs are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penis is driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thus stretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.
Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the _second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs. This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will "fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be perfect!
But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are used.
(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large and long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a long vagina; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many men and women. These items in the count are among the things that can never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not possible, as things are now.)
And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can be provided for, in most cases as follows:
Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been described--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let _this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _his left leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right leg between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as he may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort of saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he over and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman, in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him easily supports them both.
Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together and their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_, and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so can regulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly free to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determine just how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!_ And if his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to such fact!
As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, the organs can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurting the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that the pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, will receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which is thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just as _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to be proved worthy.
And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we have begun.)
A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the _difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come to the climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delight in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy in all cases, and hence what follows:
As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. This is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so passionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands' once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly experience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She is a lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or "worldly minded." The situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed" differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are "timed" slower than men.
Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases, impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence of the penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off" _first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organs congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva and vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."
Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is "keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in which the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_ NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for the wife._ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived together to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her several times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was "quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety, never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _They simply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, and there you are again!
Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the parties to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong the FIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but is even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her passion. To bring about this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulate his wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition._ Here are some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results:
A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductive nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are also thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the husband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with her nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with his lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva with his fingers, especially the clitoris, _and if she will encourage him to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva--if they will do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wife to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and, in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire performance.
If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husband strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do this, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer this to the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the vulva with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_, always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves renders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dry vulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the pre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed, both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases.